published 2096, an autobiography of Anthony M. Marconi,
founder, Marconi Medtronics. Reprinted over the [expletive
deleted] objections of the author.
Chapter 1: The Beginning. [Big Deal!] By Bob A.
I was born April 3, 2006 in the back of an ambulance
leaving Yankee Stadium. My mom and dad were both die-hard
Yankee fans, and being two weeks late with me wasn't about to
stop my mother from seeing Opening Day. I'm told her labor
started right when Jeter slapped the game-winning bunt in the
14th inning against the D-Rays, but I think that's a bunch of bull.
Sounds nice, though.
Well, I had the place to myself until I was 2 1/2, when my
sister Hazel came in to give me a little competition. Friendly
competition, after all, she was my sister. Things were pretty
idyllic until I was almost six, when something really shitty
happened.
My parents, along with my dad's sister Maria, were killed in
a car crash on the FDR Drive one cold, icy day. Maria was
driving, and she had a heart attack. The van went into the back
of a gas tanker. I'm told they saw the fireball in Brooklyn. So, me
and my sister were left to the tender mercies of my Uncle Louie
and Aunt Evangelina, or Aunt Angie, as we called her.
Now, Uncle Louie was a good man, as good as he could be.
Now, he had one small drawback. Politely put, he was totally
bossed around by Aunt Angie. Bluntly put, he was pussy-
whipped big time. In the apartment, she was in charge. In the
garage he owned, he was in charge. Needless to say, she never
went to the garage and he stayed away from home as much as
he could. Lucky us.
Aunt Angie was a total bitch to us. She couldn't toss us out,
because she desired the $2000 a month that my parent's estate
provided for us, so long as we lived with her. However, she
made life total hell for us. When Hazel started putting on weight
[A family defect- men are rather skinny, while the women grow
fat. Very fat.], Aunt Angie tormented and bugged her about it to
such an extent, Hazel became an emotional basket case. After
the psychologists and social workers threatened to take Hazel
and me away from her, she backed off- somewhat.
Chapter 2- Powers Up and Gettin' Out
Our Sagan talents manifested at the same time- I was 11
and Hazel had just turned 9. My talents first showed when I was
helping Uncle Louie at his garage- I started being able to tell
what was wrong with a car, and what I needed to do to fix it. I
couldn't explain how I knew, it was just a feeling. Uncle Louie,
recognizing a good thing, had me helping out after school and
on weekends. I liked it, because I was out of the house and
working on things that didn't yell at me. When I was old enough
to drive, I reveled in the freedom of racing through the streets.
So we lived in Greenwich Village- I didn't say how far I raced! I
did become very good about changing brake shoes in five
minutes or less, though.
Hazel developed the ability to blow herself up with helium,
becoming a great big balloon. She didn't need a helium tank to
do it, but she could use one, with a penalty- if she used a tank,
she had to wait to deflate. When Aunt Angie found out about
that, she bought a large tank and threatened to blow Hazel up
until she was too big to get out. She did- on a regular basis,
too.
When I was 16, Uncle Louie died, leaving me with the
garage and Hazel with a dominating bitch who had no one to
dominate. I was getting a reputation as a highly skilled
mechanic, but I hated people so much, many customers came
once, then left. I just hated people who got in my way of having
fun! Also, Aunt Angie wouldn't sell the garage, and she harped
and harped on me about how we needed the income from the
garage to survive. I so much wanted to slap the shit out of her,
but I had Hazel to think about. Thanks to Aunt Angie's nagging,
she started gaining weight rapidly. When she turned 14, she
weighed nearly 300 pounds!
After one particularly sharp-tongued harangue from Aunt
Angie, something just snapped inside me. I started punching
and slapping her- me, a 5'7", 115 pound guy against a 5'11",
215 pound woman. What was I thinking about? I don't know, but
soon, she was out cold on the floor, her face bloody. I decided
to start a fire in the kitchen and get far away, but how?
Hazel answered that. She wanted to leave, too. She
suggested that I tie myself to her, and she would inflate until
she floated, taking me with her. Well and good. I told her to go
to the roof with her tie-down rope and get ready.
I arranged things in the kitchen to look like an assault took
place, and started a nice smoky grease fire. I sprinted to the
roof, where Hazel had the rope ready, and was inflating. I tied
the ropes around me and, when Hazel was big enough, up we
went, pursued by smoke.
We went higher and higher and higher over the city, heading
east. Hazel didn't have much control over her buoyancy [not
enough practice], which made for a very rough ride. She yelled
to me that she would have to start deflating soon, because she
felt like she was going to pop- she was a lot bigger than she had
ever blown herself up to be before.
I wanted to tell her to deflate quickly, because I was
absolutely terrified up there, but, I didn't want to worry her. We
came down somewhere near Belmont Park, with police waiting.
Turns out they were tracking a 30' diameter naked girl floating
away from a burning building. Yep, we were busted.
Chapter 3: Sentencing and Separation
After landing, I was handcuffed and put into a cop car while
Hazel deflated. When she was just small enough, she was
crammed in and we were taken to a hospital for examination
and, in my case, a booking. Damn squad car needed a tune-up
and a gas regulator replacement, along with a new right front
wheel bearing. I told the driver that repeatedly on the trip.
After a few days with only limited visits with Hazel [and that
only because she wouldn't eat or drink anything unless she saw
me], we were taken to court. There, we found out that the
apartment where we lived in was uninhabitable, thanks to the fire
I had set. Aunt Angie was being treated in another hospital.
Damages were set at $25 million.
We were given a choice- I was to join the national Sagan
organization, and Hazel was to join the Ringling Brothers circus
in Sarasota, Florida. Turns out that we were both telepathically
examined during our stay, and Aunt Angie's tender care of us
had come to light. The other option, for me at least, was a long
stay in jail.
Hazel and I talked about it for a while. She was scared to be
away from me, and I from her, but we were assured that she
would be well taken care of. So, she went to Florida, and I went
to Missouri for training.
One of the conditions of my release is that I repay the $25
million. A suggestion I put in was to rebuild classic and antique
cars for sale at auction. It was accepted, and after I completed
training [a stormy time, because of that damn ghoulish doctor!]
I went to my first duty station- Boise, Idaho.
Chapter 4: Ice, Cold, and Wide Open Spaces
Boise was a good place to work. It being so far away from
just about everything, we needed fast transportation, and I was
just the man to provide it. The boss man, Kaylee, didn't need
wheels, because he had a fine set himself at the ends of his
legs. During the summer and fall, before the snows hit, we would
drag-race against each other. He was a real challenge to race
against.
Not everyone was nice to be around. Iceberg was one that I
really hated. That cold-blooded bastard tried nit-picking my
mechanical abilities one too many times. After Louise and Kaylee
separated us, Iceberg was all cracked up [tire irons make great
weapons], and I was suffering from acute frostbite.
Kaylee talked to me when I was able [and willing] to see
people. He told me that while my skills as a mechanic were
almost without parallel, I was alienating just about everyone on
the team, and anyone else I met. I had to agree. At that time, I
was rather lucid, and the hate in me was stilled.
Kaylee told me that, for my own good, I was going to be
transferred to another team, the one headed by his twin sister,
Kayla, in Phoenix. Phoenix! The last chance station, where you
either were fixed, or tossed out on your ear. If I got tossed out,
the only place for me to go would be jail. Hazel wouldn't like
that. So, I packed up my tools, steamed away the grease [from
me as well as my tools], and headed off to the desert. Well, at
least it would be warm!
Chapter 5: Friends I Didn't See, Until Late.
Off to the desert I went. I liked it there- I managed to get
access to a car proving ground, so, when one of my classics was
ready, I could go out and really put it through its paces before
sale. Most of the people there were content to leave me alone to
work. When I was dragged away, It was generally for a good
reason, where my skills were put to good use.
One thing I hated was when dinnertime came- if I didn't
respond, I would be teleported to the dining table or, which was
worse, John would come down and drag me out! Being dragged
by a 13' werewolf is not fun, let me tell you!
One thing I liked was that I had a corner of the garden to
myself. I slung a hammock there, and, sometimes I would just lie
there, letting the peace and serenity of the garden wash over
me. It was very relaxing. I even let the fire-lizards perch near
me- I didn't see many of them in New York, or Boise.
One person who never got on my nerves was Simon. Simon
Pomeroy. Yes, that Simon. He was just a bright kid then, always
eager to learn from me. I started warming to him. I miss him to
this day.
Raven, however, was another story. That meddlesome old
bitch was the 'camp counselor' there, and she ceaselessly
worked to draw me out. She wanted me to get along with people,
and I didn't want any part of it! She would get me flying into a
rage at nearly every opportunity. Got to hand it to her, she never
gave up.
She was the one who discovered the true source of my
difficulties. I, apparently, was suffering from an extremely rare
form of epilepsy, which made my moods and temper shift
erratically. It also made me feel constantly on edge. Once an
appropriate treatment was found, I began to stabilize, and
actually began having something I never had before- a social
life! I began caring about people, instead of just machines.
The first girl I dated was Charlotte Miller. She was a
beautifully big woman, who needed a friend. I needed one, too,
so we gravitated together. It felt nice to do things for and with
her. I built her a music box, in the medieval style. I know she
treasured that box all her life. She eventually married Bjerke
Lindstrom, a shapeshifter. They had several kids together. I
loved her, but I didn't smother her. If I tried, she would have
smothered me- literally!
Another fringe benefit of the treatment of my illness was
that the fire-lizards stopped annoying me. They're really quite
intelligent, and they can choose to bond with people, especially
the golds and bronzes. I should know; Hazel has been with me
now for almost 70 years. She's my closest friend, always being a
help to me. Sometimes I notice her help. I love you, Hazel,
almost as much as I love Millie. But you know that, don't you?
Chapter 6: Simon.
The one friend I really had there in Phoenix was Simon
Pomeroy. Unlike most of the people there, he didn't have any
problems. He was just a quiet 15-year-old kid who grew up
nearby, and just wanted to be near his family, and it was a big
one. He was the youngest of five, with interesting electrical
powers. With him around, I never needed to worry about a dead
battery!
He became my unofficial kid brother, always eager to learn
from me. Somehow, I never lost my temper at him. At other
people when he was around, yes, but never did I yell at him.
I remember the day he began having trouble. We were called
out to perform emergency repairs on a heart-lung machine
during surgery. I was at the Renaissance Fair that day, while he
was at a family reunion. While he was helping me, his house was
fire-bombed, killing almost his entire family.
I was only able to watch as he went through his difficult
time, his powers mutating in response to his grief. I was there
for him, but he seldom called on me to help. Raven was the one
who helped him more. He pulled through, but he was never as
open as he was before.
After he recovered, he not only became more interested in
helping me restore classic cars, he began designing newer ones,
ones that used electricity instead of gasoline. Sacrilegious, in my
opinion, but, I gotta hand it to him. He had some good ideas.
With my help, we designed a car style that we sold to GM for a
princely sum. My share helped me pay off my debt from the fire
more rapidly than anyone hoped.
We remained close for years, until the China War in '32. He
died in a brilliant flash of lightning, short-circuiting the power
supply to the Chinese rebel's command bunker. Both Raven and
I were convinced he didn't really die then. Simon, if I can meet
you again, I want to shake your hand. I swear, I will try my best
to be one-tenth the man you are. I want to tell you that
personally, my friend. I won't let myself die until I tell you that
myself. Hurry back.
Chapter 7: Med School, and Millie.
After Simon's death, I just couldn't stand being around
Phoenix anymore. So, I packed up and left. I went to live in
Sarasota, Florida, close to my sister Hazel, who was quite happy
being a fat lady in the circus. I just resigned and left, telling
nobody where I was going.
Simon and I had talked a lot about designing and building
an automatic doctor, one that could treat people without a real
doctor present. We had made some tentative designs, but we
were hampered by the fact that we weren't medical doctors. He
had a Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering, while I had two honorary
doctorates, one in Mechanical Engineering and the other in
Automotive Design. The only degree I earned was a B.A. in
Liberal Arts, and Simon helped me a lot for that. After some
down time, I decided to make our dream come true.
I enrolled in the University of South Florida in Tampa as a
pre-med candidate. I took a heavy course load, to get the
information into me as fast as I could. I wound up graduating in
four years with a P.A. degree.
After graduating, I went to work in Sarasota General, getting
practical experience. That was where I met Millicent DiMaggio, a
young doctor there. We started working together a lot, seeing
each other both in the hospital and out. One thing led to
another, and on June 6th, 2039, we married. We remained so for
over fifty years, until she died on December 30th, 2093. She
died in my arms, a gallant lady. I miss you still, dearest. We will
be together again, sometime.
Millie helped me out a lot in the final design and testing of
the MP-1 autodoc. It was first sold, to the U.S. Government, on
May 1st, 2041. It proved a success. A phenomenal success, if I
may say so. From such a start, Marconi Medtronics was born. By
'45, I was a billionaire, as well as the father of three children.
Chapter 8: The Great Plague
I remember, on June 21st, 2045, when Guardian made a
pronouncement. Humans were not living in balance with the
planet, so the planet shall right the balance. World population at
that time was over nine billion, mostly in the poorer nations.
That was when the plague began showing up. Reports
began coming in from Africa of whole villages dying almost
overnight. Shortly after the last villager died, the ground literally
swallowed them up, village and all.
The plague spread rapidly. Very rapidly. By July 1st, the
World Health Organization declared a pandemic. All medical
facilities were pressed into service to find a cure, including mine.
But, it didn't work.
By September 1st, over two-thirds of the world's population
were dead, including my infant daughter, Mirelle. Nearly
everyone lost something close to them. The plague was non-
discriminatory, taking rich and poor, normal and Sagan.
Humanity learned a hard lesson that summer- not to piss off
Mother Nature. She has a vicious bite.
Chapter 9: Family Life
Millie and I had four kids altogether: Alberto, Hazel, Mirelle,
and Luigi. Alberto took after me in inventiveness, but wasn't as
inspired as I am. He's doing quite well as Director of R&D of the
company. Hazel became a nurse, not a doctor. She did not
escape the Marconi Curse- she died at the age of 38, in
childbirth, weighing over 600 pounds. Mirelle died in the Plague
Year. Luigi is inventive, but in a different way. He is one of the
best money men I have ever met, if I do say so. He's CFO of the
company, and my financial manager of my other interests. With
him, I'm guaranteed to turn a profit!
Chapter 10: Play Ball!
In 2047, the country was still trying to recover from the
Plague. Organized sports had taken a heavy hit. I was
approached by the Commissioner of MLB and asked if I wanted
to buy a baseball team. There were 28 teams out of 36
available. Unfortunately, the Yankees weren't one of them. I
agreed to buy the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, because they were my
local team.
Let me tell you, being the owner of a baseball team was one
of the hardest chores I have ever taken on. Had fun with it,
though. When Baseball resumed in '48, there were only 20
teams around the country. We made the Series in '50, '51, '52,
'54, '56, and '59, winning in '52, '56, and '59. We made the
playoffs most of the time, even when we didn't make the Series.
After '59, the competition became stiffer. We were lucky to
make the Series twice a decade since, winning again in '76, '88,
and '94. That year, my grandson Anthony made the team. He's
simply a phenomenal second baseman. I'm so proud of him.
Chapter 11: Retirement
Being retired is a bit of a chore now. With Millie gone, I have
little to keep me busy, other than being a nuisance at the
games. The grandkids and great-grandkids are a joy, but they
don't want to stay around Granddad all day. Fishing is a pain,
golf is a bore, and my hands are getting too stiff to turn
wrenches. Plus, after my stroke last year, it's hard for me to see
the road.
The grandkids are wonderful, but, few have escaped the
Marconi Curse. Only one of the boys is well built, and that's
Anthony. Only two of the girls escaped blowing up with fat, and
one of them shapechanged into a fire-lizard! I swear, the girls
are getting fatter with each generation. My five-year-old great-
granddaughter already is almost 200 pounds!
Most days, I sit in the garden at home, with Hazel to keep
me company. I'm waiting for Simon to return, so I can thank him
for my life. After that, I'll go see Millie. It's so lonely without you,
my love.
Sometimes, I go visiting various old friends [or their
descendants.] Raven's daughter takes after her mama, she
does! Charlotte's grandchildren think I'm a grand old man, and
they come by often. Their pups dig up parts of my garden, but I
don't mind. Much.
Aah, I've talked enough. If you're brave enough to have
finished this, I can tell you that the price you paid for this didn't
go to me. All proceeds from this book are going to charity. If
you're smart, you'll figure out which one.