Hang bells of any kind (noisy ones) on the doorknobs, entryways and bedroom. This will let you know when someone enters/leaves the house...including where the kids are! (this helped me alot! It alerted me that the kids were out of their room and comming to find out what was happening, so I knew I had to be at the "right place/right time" to protect them in situations. Also, it alerted me to the times my abuser "let himself in".)
DOOR BELLS
Most people are unaware that as long as the battery is charged, you CAN call 911 from wherever you are! No service connection is necessary for this to work!! Carry one with you! Keep it in your purse, back pocket, whatever...Just DO IT! Don't have one? Ask whoever you can think of for their old one!
CELL PHONE
Keep all important records (ss. cards, birth certificates, medical, titles for car/house) in a safe place, preferrably at a trusted friend's or relative's. You will need these if you decide you have to go to a shelter, and going back to get them is NOT an option!
INFO. & RECORDS
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TELL YOUR ABUSER THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE, OR THAT YOU ARE THINKING OF LEAVING! Statistics prove that this is a trigger that sets off the abuser to the point of killing. Keep all activities and plans hidden from him. Pack a bag and leave it at a friend's, relative's, or even a bus station locker. Even if you feel you will never need it, prepare for the worst!
THINK SAFE!
Many abuse victims wish to help their abusers, especially after the abuser has promised to get counseling. However, relationship or "couple" counseling is often both unproductive and dangerous. While abuse certainly affects the victim and the entire family, abuse is the sole problem and responsibility of the abuser. Many relationships could benefit from couple counseling, but it is very important that the abuser first address the abusive and violent behavior independently. If and when the abuse stops and equality is returned to the relationship, relationship or family counseling may then be helpful. Many victims have reported that when abuse was present in the relationship, their abuser got angry and violent after a couples counseling session when something was said or discussed that the abuser did not like. The counselor will not be there to protect you at this point. Remember also that abusers are master manipulators--this is their way to control situations. As a result the abuser is likely to try to manipulate the counselor as well as the individual sessions--and in a couples counseling situation, they are often successful. Counselors who generally do not understand the dynamics of domestic violence may be easily manipulated by the abuser; counselors who are familiar with domestic violence usually will not participate in couples counseling because they recognize the danger. Another problem with couples counseling is that abusers often perceive their behavior as the fault of their victims. Couples counseling helps to support the perception that the abuse is a shared problem--it is not: the abuser alone must take action to address the abusive behavior. Some victims of domestic violence find individual counseling very helpful. If you choose to get individual counseling, it is important that your counselor understand the dynamics of family violence and abusive relationships. You have the right to ask a counselor questions about his/her attitudes and experience or training in this area before you decide to begin counseling with that person. It can be unproductive and even dangerous to be working with a counselor who is ill-informed about domestic violence. You can contact a hotline to get some names of counselors who are experienced with issues of abuse. Remember that abuse is likely to escalate over time. You cannot change the other person's behavior, and the abuser's behavior is never your fault. You can only change yourself. You have a right to live in a relationship free of degradation and fear, and you have a right to choose how you wish to live. There are people available to help you realize a productive and healthy life.
