I went back to Spain made a pool of confusion. I wasn’t even sad, I just thought that, being apart from John and Paul for a period of time would do me a lot of good.

At home everything was fine. I hadn’t told my parents I was going so it was a big surprise for them. I told them everything and they understood. My brother Charles surprised me when I realised he knew everything about the Beatles. He knew they had been filming, that George had met Pattie and that we had been on holidays to Ireland during Easter. But I told him to keep those magazines as far from me as he could, since I wanted to be apart from the Beatles.

For a time, I thought I would manage, the TV was not very keen on them. Franco, our dictator here in Spain at the time, was not a big fan, so to say, and the radio only played little doses of their music. So I just stuck to a Spanish radio station, making sure thus that I wouldn’t listen to any of their songs.

And then I started to think of Edu and about the possibility of going up to Barcelona to visit her. She didn’t know I was here, and we both had to talk for hours. After all, I was here without John just because of her. I phoned her up one day:

• "Hello?", that was her picking up the phone.

• "Hello, Edu, this is Vicky".

• "Hi, Vicky! How’s everything over there?", she still thought I was in England.

• "Well, so and so", there was silence on the phone, because I was just waiting for the best moment to tell her.

• "How are the guys? I’ve read somewhere they’re having holidays now".

• "Well, I suppose they’ll be alright. I don’t know, Edu... I’m phoning you from Spain. I’ve left John".

• "You’ve what??", I was going to answer her but she wouldn’t let me. "Are you crazy or what? Look! We can’t discuss this over the phone. I’ve got an idea. My mum is getting better now after the terrible loss and all that and is capable of getting visits. Why don’t you come over for the weekend and so we can talk?", I thought that was a good idea. I agreed:

• "Alright. I’ll go for the train tickets as soon as possible and I’ll let you know when I’m arriving, OK?"

• "Alright, but please, Vicky, don’t be long". I couldn’t understand why she was so impatient. After all we had been without seeing each other for some months and she had never shown so much urgency. But anyway, that same day I went for the train tickets and I was ready to meet Edu on Friday evening.

The short journey was even shorter thinking that I finally was going to see Edu after such a long time. And then my mind went backwards, to the first time on the trip to Andalucia to meet Edu in person, when I first heard of the Beatles via that musical magazine I bought to read on the trip. I had to close my eyes so as not to let the tears fall. I was crazy letting John go. He was a one-off. A Beatle! The world was Beatle crazy by then and I was there, leaving John.

As soon as the train arrived at the station, I spotted Edu among the crowd. My heart started beating fast, we had shared so many things. When the train reached where she was, she also spotted me through the window and started waving at me like mad. I was dying to step off the train and hug her.

When I was actually doing it, I couldn’t believe it. And never did I realise how much I had been missing her. When we broke apart from the embrace, Edu was smiling broadly.

• "I can’t wait to hear what you have to tell me!", she said starting walking.

• "The truth, Edu, is that at this moment my head is a mess", she looked at me suspiciously lifting an eyebrow.

• "Alright, don’t tell me anything now. We’ll talk at home".

We took a taxi and Edu told the driver her address. She lived in a beautiful place in a block of flats. She only lived on the first floor, so she helped me carry my bag and pretty soon she was opening the door with her key. I observed everything in detail. An old woman came to us,. Her eyes reflected the pain but even so she forced a smile when she saw us:

• "Mum, this is Vicky", she came to me to shake my hand.

• "I’ve heard so much about you that it’s as though I already know you", I smiled back at her. She looked very old to be Edu’s mum. I was 21 (almost 22) so Edu was only 20. Something did not fit well there.

• "Ok, let’s go to your room, dear. We have a lot to catch up", she took my case and directed me to my room that was also HER room. "Yes, you’ll have to share", she told me when we entered. "I hope you don’t mind", I smiled at her. That was not the first time we slept together and she knew it. She giggled. And then I noticed she had the room full of newspapers pictures and articles stuck on the wall about the Beatles. She also had posters and some pictures I had sent her while I was still in England. I gulped. It hurt to see John. He was so sexy in all he pictures. And it also hurt to see Edu worship George to much.

• "Edu... I don’t know if this will be good, though. You know, John everywhere...", her eyes darkened.

• "You’ll get used to it. When you told me George was going out with another girl, I tore all the pictures down, but then I started missing him much more than I was already missing him...", I understood. Edu sat on one of the beds and tapped her side. "OK, tell me. Start from the beginning", I obeyed and I sat beside her but to start from the beginning was very difficult. I blew.

• "Uff, Edu... I don’t know..."

• "You don’t know? Why have you left John?", I looked up at her.

• "Well, I haven’t let him for good. It’s just that I need time to think, that’s all".

• "Think what?", well, I knew exactly what I had to think but didn’t feel like telling her. After all I had left John because he didn’t seem to remember her very much. George was now with Pattie, but I knew John still felt friendship for Edu, he had written a beautiful song for her.

• "Well, he wanted us to go on holidays with George and...", I didn’t want to continue.

• "And?", I looked at her directly in the eyes to see her reaction.

• "Pattie", that was it. I had blurted it out. Edu’s eyes became wet. I knew that would hurt her, that’s why I didn’t want to tell her anything. She seemed to cheer up in a second.

• "You’ve left John because of that?", her voice showed her surprise. "You’re crazy, Vicky, let me tell you. An idiot. You’re crazy about John, he loves you like mad and you’re telling me you’ve left him because of me?? You’re crazy, Vicky! You have to phone England this minute and go back to him", well I didn’t know how to go on. I didn’t want to tell Edu anything else because I didn’t know how she would react.

• "Well... That’s not the only reason why I left John... I mean, if what happened afterwards had never happened, I would probably have come back to him", Edu blinked a couple of times.

• "Vicky, dear, I don’t understand a word", uff! It was difficult, harder than anything, but I had to tell her.

• "OK, I made love to Paul, that’s it!", she opened her mouth in amazement saying OH! And got up from the bed. She put a hand in front of her opened mouth and walked away from me. "Edu... it’s difficult, you see... I didn’t do it on purpose. It just happened", she dropped her hand from her face.

• "Does John know?"

• "Of course he doesn’t! It happened right after I left John. I went to Eli’s and Paul was there. He offered to accompany me to his hotel, where I would spend the night, and there... Well...", she was shaking her head like mad.

• "No, no, no, shit, Vicky! You shouldn’t have done it!", I nodded.

• "I know".

• "What if John hears about it?", I looked at her in panic.

• "I’ll deny everything. Only Paul and you know what happened. If Paul says something, I’ll say it’s a lie... And I trust you..."

• "And Eli... Oh, Vicky! Stupid mistake!", that hurt.

• "I know, Edu, stop scolding me". She relaxed a little bit and she came back to the bed to sit down.

• "Alright, let’s see. First thing, let’s pretend the Paul thing never happened, OK? Never ever mention it, do you hear me? And please, don’t look at Paul oddly when you go back to England...".

• "You seem pretty sure I’m coming back to England".

• "You’ll do, Vicky. John won’t let you go that easily".

• "But he has lots of women..."

• "So what? They’re meaningless. But, please, Vicky... Will you do that?", that would be hard to do, but yes, I would do my best. After all, I had pretended nothing had happened back in America when Paul kissed me.

• "Alright".

The rest of the day was spent making plans for he weekend. Edu told me what I suspected. Her ‘mum’ was not actually her mum but her grandma. She had risen her up and she considered her her real mum. What had happened to the real one I don’t know.

I also asked her if she had plans to go back to England.

• "Dunno... There’s nothing for me there now...", my eyes became wet when I heard her say that. That was the reason why I had left England and John. Oh, God, it had to be Edu and me, with John and George, if not, there was nothing for me in England.

• "Don’t say that. Paul and John are still crazy about you...", she raised and eyebrow. "Yes. Didn’t you know they have written a song about you?", she didn’t know, of course, and I updated her with "Any Time At All". That seemed to cheer her up a little, but still she wasn’t convinced.

• "Vicky, forget about me now. You know our priority now is that you go back to John and work things out with him".

• "It’s not that easy, Edu... With Paul there... and that Pattie...", Edu rolled her eyes.

• "What did we say, Vicky? You’ll pretend never ever did anything happen with Paul. As for Pattie... You know, I love George madly and that’s why I’m happy he’s redone his life. I’m happy if he’s happy with her". That I couldn’t understand. She was about to lose George and she was to stay there, without doing anything to avoid it.

Anyhow, the weekend went by quickly and soon I had to be coming back home. There were tears when we said goodbye to each other at the station, because we both were unsure when we would see each other again.

• "Vicky, please, think of what we said. Don’t let John go that easily, please. And don’t worry about me... I’ll be fine...", when I went on the train, the tears were running down my face. Not only was I leaving behind the best friend I had ever had, but also I was about to lose John Lennon, the love of my life.

The next days were spent in agony, not knowing whether I had to phone John or not. I didn’t even know if John was back from his holidays with George... or even if he had met another woman. I was really in love with John, and the only idea of having lost him, made me dizzy.

Life is full of surprises and when I was about to give up and resign that I had lost John forever, then, by the end of May the phone rang. I happened to be alone at home, for my brother was at school and my parents working. I was the only one who was on holidays there:

• "Hello?", a very familiar voice, the one that still today sends tickles to my spine, answered to my ‘hello’.

• "This is John ‘ere... baby, ya still remember me, don’t ya?", my heart stopped. JOHN!!! JOHN WAS PHONING ME!!! I was so shocked, and glad and everything that it took me a couple of seconds (or even minutes) to react.

• JOHN!!?? I...I..., of course I remember you..."

• "How are ya doin’? I’ve been missing ya like mad!", Oh that was the best thing anybody could tell me, ever.

• "Oh, John, me too... Where are you?"

• "Where would it be, luv? Good ol’ England! We came back from our holidays on Saturday and I thought ya would be ‘ere... When I didn’t see ya ‘ome... Fuck! I wanted to smash the bloody place out!"; John had missed me and those were the best news I could have received.

• I... I thought you wouldn’t want to see me any more..."

• "Wha? Vicky, remember who left! It was you, babe! I respected yer bloody decision but ‘ell, it was you!", he was right there.

• "Yeah, I know... John, it was a mistake, I should have never done it...", there was a sort pause when any of us said a word. Then John finally spoke:

• "Does that mean what I thing it means?"

• "It means I want to be with you and that if you want me to, I’ll be back in England in a couple of days".

• "Bloody ‘ell, baby! Come ‘ome! I love ya".

• "I love you too, John!", now that we had made it up, I couldn’t wait to be back with him. He told me to catch the first plane, but here in Spain and without Brian Epstein or a Neil Aspinall to work things out, things didn’t work that way, so I told him I would do my best to be with him as soon as possible.

• "Please, babe, don’t be long. I want to see ya before going on tour!", then a sudden fear came and ran all through my body. He was going on tour. When??

• "When, John??", I said in panic. My voice was trembling and John noticed it.

• "At the beginning of June", my mind worked really quickly, like I never thought it could and calculated. That was only next week. I couldn’t believe it! What if I didn’t have enough time to catch a plane and see John??

• "Oh, John, that’s next week!!"

• "But, but the end of it...", he said. "Don’t worry, whatever happens, I won’t go without having seen ya before. I don’t mind Brian, Paul or the bloody promoters, if I have not seen ya before, I won’t go", things were going right. John loved me as much as I did, so there was no time to lose. As soon as I said goodbye to John, telling him thousands of times how much I loved him, I started to look like frantic for a plane ticket to England. All my family helped me, looking at different travel agencies until my brother came home with a plane ticket for the 31^st of May, the last day of the month. That was not too bad, since we still had four days to be together. And as soon as I knew when I was leaving for England, I tried to contact John to tell him, but to no avail. I phoned EMI offices and nothing, the Beatles weren’t there. So, on my last attempt to try to find John, I phoned Brian Epstein’s office. Wendy, his secretary, picked up the phone. I hadn’t talked too much to her, we had only seen each other a couple of times but that was all. But she was nice. I told her to inform John that I would be arriving on the 31^st May, and she said OK. I could trust her. She wouldn’t want to risk her job as Brian’s secretary just omitting my phone call. If John found out, she was dead. So I confided that she would tell the boys the message, and I hang up.

The day I caught the plane I was more excited than the first time I made love to John. The doubts all gathered in my mind. Will John be waiting for me at the airport? That would be difficult if we wanted to avoid a mob scene, but at least will he be waiting for me at home to hold me all night and make love to me passionately? The two-hour-long flight lasted almost twice as long just because of the anxiety I had to see John.

When the plane landed, I was so excited that it took me a long time to recognise my cases at the airport. I just wanted to go out to see John.

When I finally went out, I started to look for any of the guys but I couldn’t see any familiar face waiting for me among the crowd. Disappointed, I started to head for a phone to call home, but then I felt a hand touching my shoulder:

• "Hey, luv! Where d’you think you’re going?", I turned around and saw a guy with dark sun-glasses, a false moustache and a cap. No, it wasn’t John, it was Neil, but it made ma happy all the same.

• "Neil!", I said, getting rid of my cases. Neil hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.

• "Oh, luv! As lovely as you went", I smiled.

• "God, Neil! What are you doing in so much disguise?", he smiled.

• "Shh! You’d never believe how crazy it’s become, girl!", I laughed a little. Sure it couldn’t be that crazy.

• "OK, where are the guys?"

• "Well, at the moment, they’re playing at the Price of Wales. I should be there, actually but John told me to come for you and take you directly home". Oh, John! I wanted so much to see me. I hadn’t realised until he phoned me how much I’d been missing him. I must have smiled because Neil took me by the arm and smiling told me: "So, right, no time to lose".

We took a taxi, which was fine by me because I didn’t want any big scene and we were soon at Emperor’s Gate. Neil helped me go up with my suitcases and then said:

• "Well, I’d like to stay a little bit more in your company", he smiled, "but the boys are waiting for me, so... Hopefully, I’ll see you in a couple of days".

• "Hope so too, Neil!", he kissed me on the cheek and left. When he closed the door I was full of weird feelings. I felt at home and everywhere I looked, my mind went to John and all the good times we both had spent there. But then my eyes spotted the sofa and my heart jumped. Paul! How was I going to face him? Would he react in a funny way when he saw me? I hoped he wouldn’t or John would notice something and I didn’t want to lose John. Paul didn’t mean a thing to me, I was mad about John.

I decided not to think more about Paul and went to the bedroom to unpack my cases. John had slept the last couple of night there. I could smell of him and that made me aroused. On the bedside table there was his mouth organ and some pieces of paper. In a bag there were a couple of trousers and shirts probably to send off to Mimi in Liverpool for her to wash and iron. I had to laugh, that was my lovely John. I felt happy to be at home.

But then the curiosity made me approach the papers and read them. Oh dear! John’s handwriting was more chaotic than ever. I could hardly make out a word. Making a great effort I could distinguish: ‘I got every ....???... Earth to be mad ‘cos I’ve just lost the only girl I had, if I ...????.... way I’d get myself ...????.... can’t so I’ll cry ...???...’ Oh, after a while of making my sight work more than necessary, I gave up. Probably another song.

Then I started unpacking my cases. It was good to be back home but I couldn’t see the moment when John and I could finally be together. It was late, and Neil had told me the Beatles were playing at the Prince of Wales. That was not very far from home and I didn’t think John would go partying after the concert knowing that I was at home waiting for him.

Wanting to see him so much made the hours go by really slow. I tried to tidy the sofa to watch TV. It was then when I heard the door unlock.

I became tense and my heart started beating fast. John! How would he react? How would I react? We had talked on the phone, but still nothing would make up for the fact of actually being together. I sat down tightly on the sofa looking at the direction where John had to come in.

And then he stepped in. Oh, he was as gorgeous as usual! His hair was longer than usual and he had a tan that he had probably picked up during his holidays. He stopped when he saw me and I got up. I didn’t want to go to him, I wanted HIM to do that. It seemed hours to me until he finally started moving towards me and held my face between his hands.

• "Bloody ‘ell! I hardly remembered yer beautiful face!"; I didn’t know how to react. I just wanted John to kiss me, to hold me tight, to make love to me all night. That is what I wanted and I didn’t have to wait long. "I love ya!", he said and then he kissed me passionately. I kissed him back with almost the same strength and soon he was taking all my clothes off, wildly, kissing me strongly. I stepped back and let myself sit on the sofa. John pulled my trousers down and kissed and licked my right leg, working all his way up from my toes to my groin. Then he did the same with my left leg. Meanwhile, I stroked his lovely hair, running my hands through it, messing his lovely fringe while he kissed and licked my legs.

Then he stopped and started getting undressed himself. I thought that was the moment to tell John how I felt about him:

• "I love you, John. I love you with all my heart", I told him almost crying. He leaned to me and kissed my eyes softly.

• "Shh, luv. I love ya too. I’ve been missing ya so much...", then he grabbed my waist and put me lying on the sofa, with my head on the arm rest. He started kissing my whole body, from the neck to the toes, not leaving a single part without kissing. I moaned out of sheer pleasure. That was what I wanted, just John. And Edu could be my best friend but I swore myself at that moment that never again would I leave John for something that did not have anything to do with me or with him. I grabbed his hair and pushed him upwards. I wanted him to kiss me and so he did, sliding his tongue around my lips, my mouth, my cheeks, my nose... And then I felt him inside me. I shouted with pleasure when I felt him entering. Every time he pushed, I shouted and he moaned with pleasure too. He didn’t stop kissing me during the time we were making love. Then, I couldn’t resist it any more and I came, shouting on the top of my lungs. John tried to shut me up kissing me but still I could be heard. Then I lied there breathing heavily but John didn’t seem to have finished, besides he hadn’t come and I wanted him to come. I was going to say something to that when he pushed me up towards him and I wrapped his waist with my legs. Kissing me, he threw me onto bed. With his strong arms, he made me roll until I was giving him my back. He then went to the bathroom and came back with a tin of cream or something I couldn’t distinguish.

• "What’s that?", I said, puzzled. He smiled.

• "This will do things easier..."

I couldn’t understand the meaning of that, but soon I saw. I was still upside down on the bed, but John grabbed my waist and made me put on my four. Then he started to spread the cream on my ass. My heart was beating really fast and John noticed it:

• "Excited, luv? Ready?"

• "Oh, yeah", and then he made love to me in a different place from the normal one, if you know what I mean. John always liked trying new things and I was really happy he was trying them on me. John could have any girl on Earth, but he was making love to me, TO ME!! John seemed to be liking that position more than anything in the world because he came almost before I could even start to feel him. I felt his warm stream of liquid filling me up and I had to bite the pillow not to shout that he was driving me crazy.

Holding my waist, we both rolled to lie down on the bed. In the process, John pushed unconsciously the bedside table and dropped the papers. I leaned to pick them up, having to lie on top of John, to what he smiled and moaned as thought I was making love to him this time. I picked up the pieces of paper where he had written those songs. I asked him about them:

• John, is this a song for your new album?", he took the paper out of me, had a look at it and then he smiled.

• "Yeah, I wrote it when ya left", he told me while searching in the drawer for a packet of cigarettes. He took one out, lit it and had a deep drag. He left the smoke go through his nostrils. "It’s no good, luv, but I was down", he looked at me with a mischievous grin. "Yer reactions are a little bit strange, aren’t they? I mean...", I kissed him, not wanting him to continue. But when I had to come up for air, he said: "did ya ‘ave a great time in Spain?"; I lied down there again staring at the ceiling. The truth was that I didn’t. I had spent the whole time thinking of John and Edu. So I became serious.

• "No, John".

• "Why? Edu?"

• "No, Edu is alright. I didn’t because I couldn’t stop thinking about you", he kissed me.

• "Neither could I, luv. That’s why I phoned ya", I felt happy inside.

• "You’re going on tour, then?", I asked him, remembering that he had told me something about it on the phone.

• "Yeah, on Sunday".

• "On Sunday???", it was spontaneous, because that meant we only had three days to be together.

• "Yeah, and we’ll be away for some time... That’s why I wanted to see ya, luv, to ask ya to come with me", that took me by surprise. He went on. "yeah, just like ya did with America.", Well, I have to admit that the idea was tempting. But I didn’t have time to enjoy John and besides I had seen and heard things that I didn’t want to see or hear any more.

• "Oh, John, thanks but I have to study... You Know", I lied, "my parents are quite disappointed with me for not studying and..", he rolled his eyes.

• "Yeah, yeah, I understand".

• "Don’t get angry".

• "’ell! Don’t ask me that! First ya go away fer almost a month and now that I ask ya to be with me ya don’t want to. Fuck! Vicky, I can’t wait forever!", John was angry. I had never seen him that angry before. I tried to calm him down but at that very moment the phone rang. Glad that there was something to clear the atmosphere, I picked it up:

• "Hello?", there was a silence on the other line until I heard a very familiar voice and that made my heart jump:

• "Vicky, luv... This is Paul".