Happiness is Measured Out In Miles

 

CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

 

         The year 1965 started perfectly well. Ringo announced he was marrying Maureen and I was so surprised that John started laughing hysterycally. The wedding would take place after a short holiday the Beatles were having. They had been very busy with the Christmas show and they nedded a rest. I was really happy for Maureen and Ringo although Edu told me Maureen was pregnant and that was the reason why they were marrying. That shoked me all the more, and every time I heard someone was pregnant, and someone so close to us, I remembered the child I could have had but I lost and my eyes became full of tears.

 

-        "Oh, my love...", said John. I hugged him sobbing. Maureen and Ringo left embarrassed but understood. I noticed John indicating them somthing with his hand and they left.

 

-        "I'm sorry", I told him. "It's just that I miss being a mum. And I'll never be able to have children...", I said, still sobbing. John held me tighter and after a while he put me a few inches away from him, still holding me, and kissing my tearsd he told me:

 

-        "Shhh, luv... I'll love ya, no matter what. Look, I've got a surprise fer ya...", that cheered me up a little. Seemed that the old John was back. At least, he hadn't smoked marijuana or hadn't tried to force me into smoking it myself. He offered me one of his wonderful smiles instead. "Would ya like to go skiing?", Skiing! Oh, God! I had never been to the snow. Spain is a very sunny and hot country, especially where I lived, in the east.

 

-        "Oh, John!!! Skiing??!!", he laughed.

 

-        "Yeah, luv... With george Martin and his bird... Well, what d'ya say?"

 

-        "I say YES, John!", I said, jumping to him and kissing him passionately. i was so glad... I phoned Edu and Eli to tell them. Edu also told me she and George were going to Europe on holidays. And Eli and Paul were going to North Africa. Oh! We were going to be really far from each other. "When will we see each other again?", I asked Edu.

 

-        "For Ringo's wedding, i guess. I wouldn't miss that for anything in the world".

 

-        "Yeah, OK! Have fun, dear, and take care".

 

-        "The same to you, Vicky. Take good care of John", she hang up and I stood there wondering what she would have meant with that. Well, I didn't let that spoil my wonderful holidays in the snow.

 

         Just packing was fun enough. John smiled seeing me so happy deciding what kind of things to take with me. George Martin and Judy came for us and I soon found myself on a plane tpwards the Alps.

 

         Oh, God! I had so much fun. John had never skied before and neither had I, so we had an instructor (a very pertty girl whom I became extremely jealous because John couldn't stop looking at her and flirting with her and I felt hurt and miserable. But for those few moments when she was teaching us, the rest was fun). We were in the middle of a lesson when Judy came saying that George had broken a toe and was being taken care of. John started laughing hysterically, since that was our first day there.

 

-        "Let's go to see him, luv", John told me. We went to the hotel, where he was now resting. John couldn't stop laughing when he saw George with his foot lifted up on a tool. "Enjoying it so far, George?", he said in between laughters. I felt embarrassed and I could only ask him:

 

-        "How do you feel?"

 

-        "Well, I'm not too bad, concerning the circumstances", he told me. Anyway, George had to remain in the hotel or in the bar for the rest of the holidays while the rest of us were skiing everywhere.

 

         Soon it was time to go home. John started complaining about a tooth and we decided that if it continued hurting, we would go to the dentist straight away.

 

         The first thing I did when we got home was contact Edu. She and George had already retunred from Europe.

 

-        "How was your skiing holiday, dear?", she asked me.

 

-        "Well, fine and it could have been much better had not been for John flirting with the instructor", I tried to laugh a little but I was surprised to notice that Edu didn't laugh back and remained silent.

 

-        "Watch out John", she finally told me. That took me by surprise a lot more.

 

-        "Why do you say so?"

 

-        "Nothing, dear. Just that. Watch him out... Oh, why don't we meet up today and go shopping for Ring's wedding? It's only next week!", she was right and I had almost forgotten becasue Edu's comments about John had left me speechless.

 

-        "Alright", I said, not very enthusiastically.

 

         And that was it. We went to Harrods in my red Ferrari, my pride and joy. Edu was really in a party mood but I was tight-lipped. I loved John absolutely madly and the things Edu told me plus the way John was acting recently gave me a lot to think about. John had changed a lot. He wasn't the same John I had met two years ago in Spain. He kept on smoking marijuana and that made him act differently towards me and towards the others.

 

-        "Are you listening to me?", Edu's voice brought me back to reality.

 

-        "Oh, sorry, Edu. I can't stop thinking about John", Edu laughed because she took it the wrong way.

 

-        "Yeah, I can say. George drives me mad, too, but the thing is that I was asking you whether you had something in mind about the dress you are going to wear for the wedding".

 

-        "No, Edu, I mean... Why did you say I should watch out John? And Paul also told me John does something on tour...", Edu's face changed.

 

-        "Don't name Paul", she said in a whisper. "I don't know what John dos on tour, but if he says so is just because he wants to get you".

 

-        "No, no, Edu, John is hiding something from me, I know", Edu lookes at me deep in the eye.

 

-        "Vicky, John loves you. But if you think he's hiding something, talk to him", she opened the door of the car and got out. I remained there for a few seconds thinking when the best moment to talk to John would be. I finally decided to go out of the car and go into Harrods.

 

         I forgot my little misery shopping with edu. I've always loved shopping and this time was not exception. Edu decided on a long black dress that highlighted her good body. I decided on a satin long white dress with matching gloves and a pamela. I would be very smart. Everything I did was to please John, and so I bought this dress thinking that John would love it.

 

         I didn't have time to talk to John. I just couldn't see the right moment. But I was also avoiding the moment because I knew the Paul thing would come up. And if John was acting so strangely to me, it was because he was sure there was something going on between Paul and me. So I didn't say anything to him. And he was behaving quite lovey-dovey lately, so that was fine and everything was going on very smoothly.

 

         The day of the wedding finally arrived. I woke up early to get ready. I'm usually very nervous when an important event is taking place, no matter whether or not I'm the part concerned. I tried to wake up John but he made a strange noise and remained in bed. I shrugged. It wasa long time since I had given up trying to wake up john. He got up when I was having a shower. I saw him walking into the bathroom and starting shaving. I don't know if he had noticed I was there. I got out wrapped in a towel and smiled at him.

 

-        "Good mornin', John", I said, kissing his back. He smiled at me through the mirror but continued to the room to get dressed. When John came out, I was almost completely ready. I was making up, looking at myself in the mirror. I saw him coming towards me, he put his hands on my waist and kissed my neck.

 

-        "Yer smashin', babe", I smiled and let him kiss me. I turned around and kissed him on the mouth. Thabk God I hadn't made up my lips yet.

 

-        "Oh, John!", I told him when we came up for air. "Isn't it lovely that Ringo and Maureen are getting married...?"

 

-        "Well, yes, I guess", he said. I rested my head on his chest. All this had made me think a lot. We had never talked again about his divorce of Cynthia. She wouldn't give him the divorce and he didn't want to worsen things. But I was feeling more and more uneasy because I still felt John belonged to another woman.

 

-        "I love you, John... Do you think...?", but I stopped. That was not the moment to bring up the thing. He streched his arms and put me a few inches apart from him.

 

-        "Wha?", I shook my head. "C'me on, luv! What's going on on yer beautiful head?", he said and kissed the top of it. I was wondering whether to tell him or not. I looked deeply into his eyes. No, he hasn't smoked marijuana this time. So I told him.

 

-        "I wish we could marry some day...", he looked at me with desire.

 

-        "Some day, luv, not now. Ye know it's not possible".

 

-        "But, why, John? Why don't you talk to Cynthia into it?"

 

-        "Don't ya think we're alright right now? Do ya really think we 'ave to get married?"

 

-        "Well, no, but...", he kissed the tip of my nose.

 

-        "Then, that's it, OK? Let me get dressed", the doorbell rang at that moment, and a few minutes later George and Edu appeared at the doorstep of the bedroom. "Fuckin' 'ell!", said John, looking at Edu. That wasn't right and it hurt. "Edu..."

 

-        "Yes, Vicky is quite nice too!", said George. I looked at him in gratitude but now I felt hurt during the rest of the day. My pain gave away to anger.

 

-        "We're late!"

 

-        "C'me on, luv!", said John. "I'm sure Ring won't get married 'till we arrive", i didn't laugh. I just wanted  to go out and have some fresh air.

 

         When we finally went out, it was too late for anything, but George and John insisited they wanted to have some drinks. Edu and I exchanged glances. We were in the limo.

 

-        "Alf, take us to the Ad Lib...", said George. Edu looked at him very seriously.

 

-        "George, I don't think that's a good idea. We're already late for the ceremony..."

 

-        "Nah, it'll only be a few minutes...", Edu looked at me helpless. And I looked at John. John was smiling at me. He was so sexy and so smart. I put a hand on his arm.

 

-        "John..."

 

-        "Shh, luv! relas and have fun. The important ones today are Ring and Mo, and I'm sure brian is already there too".

 

-        "But it's not correct to be late", John laughed. Alf, then, stopped the car. We had arrived at the Ad Lib, a pub that opened at night but that the Beatles could have whenever they wanted.

 

         So we all got out of the car and entered the club. In the lift, John and George exchanged glances and Edu and I didn't know what they were up to. When we entered the room were the pub was located, John and George disappeared.

 

-        "Edu, I don't like this one bit", I told edu. She was serious too.

 

-        "No, I don't like it either", we started looking for them but they were nowhere to be seen. The few people who were there preparing things for the night looked at us but didn't dare to tell us anything.

 

-        "No, definitely, I'm starting to get worried", and if edu, the down-to-Earth Edu, was worried, then something wrong was going on. We suddenly heard some noises and some laughter. We turned around and saw John and George coming to us and in hysterics. I understood immediately. I felt this lump in my throat that didn't let me breath nor think clearly. Edu caught my arm. "Don't say anything. When they are high, it's better not to say anything". I felt the tears coming to my eyes. No, please, not again! That was not the John I wanted. Thank God for friends. Edu pushed me towards the exit. John and George were following us down.

 

-        "C'me on, luv", said John. "Don't be so uptight", but he burst into an outburst of laughter again and I rolled my eyes because it was impossible toreason with John when he was in that state.

 

         We went into the limo again and nobody said a word, only John and George were laughing. By when we arrived at the Office Register, Mo was in a big state of anxiety. Brian Epstein and Bob Freeman were already there, and one could see Brian was also quite nervous about our being late. The first thing Edu and I did was apologise to Mo and Ringo.

 

-        "We're so sorry... It wasn't our fault really... I mean..."

 

-        "It's alright...", said Ringo. "I know. Don't worry".

 

         Thank Goodness everything went on smoothly after that, but John behaved strangely during the rest of the day. Ringo and Mo went to the house David Jacobs, Brian's solicitor, had lent them for the occasion. I decided to go home, but John decided it was a better idea to keep on celebrating it in the clubs.

 

         During the next few days, apart from keeping on complaining about his tooth, John became persistent he wanted his driving licence. So, one day, and without having to pass a theoretical exam, an instructor came home and after a couple of hours of John at the driving wheel of my red Ferrari, the instructor told us john had passed his driving test. John came to me with a mischivieous grin.

 

-        "Tonight we'll celebrate it, luv", I had mixed emotions.

 

-        "John, I don't think you're prepared to drive..."

 

-        "Crap!", said John. "I'll buy a car fer me 'cos I know 'ow much ya love yer Ferrari...", and that was it. When I told Edu, she became as surprised as I was.

 

-        "They're the Beatles", she informed me. "I suppose we'll have to get used to them having lots of privileges..."

 

-        "Yes, but that's not fiar, Edu. I had to fight a lot to get it", she laughed, but I didn't. And John did really want to celebrate it that night. I was already in bed, waiting for john to come home from Abbey Road studios. He began to get undressed as soon as he walked in through the door. "How was the day, John?", I asked him.

 

-        "Normal. We've gone through three songs. Me "Ticket To Ride" is almost finished".

 

-        "You are working on a new album, aren't you?", John crawled into the bed without answering my question and started to kiss me everywhere in the face. But I wasn't in the mood. There was something wrong with me that night. My mind was not on John. much to my own surprise, I was thinking of Paul! I turned my face to avoid John kissing me in the mouth. he kissed my cheek. I wanted to ask him abput Paul, but I didn't want to do it quite freely because John would suspect. I had an idea. "Have you recorded any other songs today?", John became quite surprised.

 

-        "Since when are ya so interested in me music, Vicky?"

 

-        "Well, I've always loved your music but I must admit it's getting better and better. now I love it much more than before", John sighed (ah! his sighs still drove me mad) and turned around to lie on his back on the bed. He looked at the ceiling.

 

-        "Ok, yeah, paul and George did their numbers too".

 

-        "Edu told me George has written something for her".

 

-        "No wonders, they're very much in love. He did "I Need You", maybe that's the one".

 

-        "And Paul?", no, my voice didn't crack, thankfully. John turned to me.

 

-        "This Macca character is playin' a trick on me or something..."

 

-        "Why?"

 

-        "He 'ad this song written and he usually shows them to me before goin' trhu them in he studio... But this time he didn't, ya see. And he had written something about "Another Girl", my heart jumped. Maybe I was far too obsessed but I could expect anything from Paul after he had told me so many times that he loved me. I turned to John and put an arm around his lovely body.

 

-        "I love you", John smiled and kissed me.

 

-        "I love ya too, kitten, and I'll always do. Yer so special to me...", I got shocked. Why was JOhn saying that? When John started showing his feelings, something was going on in his head. "Look, whatever 'appens, I'll never forget ye", I started to get worried and my heart started beating fast.

 

-        "John..."

 

-        "Shh, luv", he said shuting me up with his kisses. From my lips he continued down to my neck and down to my breasts. He lifted my gown and took it out completely. He bit my nipples and kissed my stomach, working his way down to my navel. He stopped there for a couple of minutes, licking it and drawing circles with his warm tongue around it. I lifted my hips towards his mouth and his chest inresponse to the immense pleasure he was giving me. Still kissing my navel, he turned me around and put me face down on the bed. He took my hair away from my eck and kissed my nape. He covered all my spine with little kisses and went down to my bottom. He kissed it and licked it and then he grabbed my waist and lifted me up until I was on my four on the bed. "I love you", he whispered. And then I felt him enter inside me. He held my hips and we both swang back and forth in thatsweet movement that love making gives to the lovers. I clutched the sheets of the bed and bit the pillow. John was speaking more to himself than antything else. "Yer so sexy... Ah, luv, ya drice me mad, I luve fuckin' ya, yer ass does wonders to me dick...", I was so excited that I came with a loud yell. John came shortly after and we both lied there exhausted, breathing hard. I turned to John and kissed him softly on the cheek.

 

-        "I love you, John, thanks for everything", he let out a soft laughter.

 

-        "Did ya enjoy yer holidays skking, luv?", I was surprised by that turn of the topic. I looked at John.

 

-        "Of course, why?", he looked at me.

 

-        "Would ya like to ski again?", I knew John was up to something so I said:

 

-        "Come on, John! Speak up!"

 

-        "We're goin' to Austria to film and I want ya to come with me..."

 

-        "To film? Another film, John? You hadn't told me anything".

 

-        "It's not that we're talkin' much lately, is it?", I remained silent for a couple of seconds. Yes, he was absolutely right. Then, the second part hit me and I lit up.

 

-        "And you want me to go with you?"

 

-        "Yeah, Edu and Eli are also goin' so I thought ya would have fun", I hugged John in a bear embrace.

 

-        "Oh, John! John! You make me so happy!"

 

-        "No one could make ya so happy, luv, remember that", that shocked me. What would he mean? The Paul thing was almost forgotten between ourselves. At least I had forgotten about John's suspects.

 

-        "John, I know! Why are you telling me this?"

 

-        "Nothing!OK, look. We're going in a couple of weeks. I'm gonna take lessons to see if I can win the fuckin' Macca", no, definitely, John hadn't forgotten about Paul. They seemed to br having an absurd rivalry between them and I suspected I was in the middle.

 

         So, in the next days, Edu, Eli and me spent hours and hours planning what we would do while in Austria, Maureen sometimes joined us, but she was feeling a bit under the weather and she stayed home most of the times.

 

         Eli was different with me and I started noticing it that previous week before going to Austria. We hadn't talked much lately and I was dead anxious just in case Paul had told her anything. But when I paid attention I noticed ahe behaved more like is she were guilty of something, rather than looking at me as if I were guilty.

 

         finally, the day when we had to go arrived. As usual (I had already got used to that) the airport was jammed with screaming fans. John and I were holding hands all the time, Maureen and Ringo were also there. When we arrived at the airport, there was another girl there, and she wasn't a fan, becasue John immediately got rid of my hand and went to her. The other three Beatles gathered around her very effusively too. I looked for Edu and Eli, who were a little behind me.

 

-        "Who's that girl?", I asked Edu.

 

-        "George has told me she's the actress of the film. She's working with them".

 

-        "She looks older than us", I told her. "And John is very... very... well, you-know-what-I-mean with her".

 

-        "You should take care of John, Vicky, if you want him to go on with you", Eli butted in.

 

-        "What do you mean?", my heart had jumped up to my throat because that was not the first time I had heard that in a short period of time. I saw Edu nudge Eli.

 

-        "It's only  a joke, isn't it, Eli?", said edu. I was lost. I knew they were hiding something from me and being my best friends I felt an outsider.

 

-        "Please, Edu, what's going on here?"

 

-        "Nothing, dear. She's in her period and she's a bit bad-tempered", Edu started walking towards the plane. The Beatles were still posing for the photographerswith the actress and I looked at John. he was there, smiling, so sexy. Paul was at his side. I looked at paul and then, suddenly, he looked at me. I blinked a couple of times and turned around immediately.

 

         Imagine how I spent the days in Austria. I couldn't concentrate on anything. John couldn't pay much attention to me and besides we weren't even sharing a room. I was with Edu and John was with George.I knew something was going to happen. This situation couldn't last long. I was in absolute misery but the worst was about to happen.

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