Happiness Is Measured out In Miles

 

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

 

-                     “What should I wear for the club, John?”, I asked him when we were getting ready to go to the club. “Casual or smart?”, John looked at me with strange eyes. Those were not his lovely hazel eyes. Somehow they had changed. And I was sure I had seen that eyes before, but I couldn’t remember where or when.

 

-                     “How the ‘ell should I know? It’s only a club, yer not going to a fuckin’ weddin’”, when John talked to me like that is when I realised when I had seen that strange glance: it was when he had smoked marijuana.

 

-                     “John”, I tried to sound sweet and nice. I hated it when John was not John. And John wouldn’t be John any more, although I kept on loving him. “You’ve been smoking again...”, he laughed.

 

-                     “Sure. I’ve been smokin’ me whole fucking life”.

 

-                     “No, no. I don’t mean a normal cigarette. I mean...”, I didn0t know how to say the word. “marijuana, grass...”, Jonn0s smile turned into a serious face.

 

-                     “Stop playing me fuckin’ mother. Go get dressed. We’re late for the club”. That hurt. That hurt a lot. John had changed.

 

I decided to be smashing. I wore a black top with a white mini skirt and white high heeled boots. My hair was very long by then and I wore a fringe. I made up in the style of fashion.

 

-                     “That’s me bird. That’s the way IU love ye to dress. Yer the right bird fer  a Beatle”. Yes, but not a Beatle wife, I thought. We didn’t talk about marriage any more. Cyn wouldn’t give him the divorce, so we were happy the way we were.

 

I wanted to drive my smashing Ferrari but John wouldn’t let me.

 

-                     “We’re paying a chauffeur, luv. He’ll drive us off”, and so he did. John told him to go for some people I didn’t know. As John0’s fame, or the Beatles’ fame, was growing, more friends were appearing in John’s life. Those friends happened to be new musicians and their blonde girlfriends. I couldn’t care less. They were all as stoned as John.

 

Ringo and Maureen were already there when we arrived. As soon as we entered through the doors, John disappeared from my side with his friends and let me talking to Ringo and Mo.

 

-                     “Don’t take notice”, Ringo told me seeing my distressed face. “Want something to drink?”; I nodded and asked for a Coke. Ringo came with a coke a few minutes later and he gave it to me. We three were standing there, but I knew they were doing it just because they didn’t want me to feel alone. I felt embarrassed.

 

-                     “Oh, I’m fine”, I said, as thought they had asked me how I was. Ringo looked at me with a really concerned face.

 

-                     “You sure?”, I nodded enthusiastically, although inside I was feeling miserable. I just wanted to be with John.

 

-                     “Sure! Go on”, I smiled, “go dance. I know you’re looking forwards to it”, they walked away from me and I just stood there, trying to find John but he was nowhere to be seen. Then I felt someone coming to my side.

 

-                     “Hello?”, a masculine voice said. I turned around and saw a very good looking guy holding a glass and smiling right at me. “Looking for someone?”, I just smiled. I didn’t say anything and I went on looking for John with my eyes. “OK! My name’s Ian. Wanna drink something?”, I was still tight-lipped and I just lifted my right hand and showed him the Coke. He nodded. “You haven’t told me your name”.

 

-                     “Oh, Vicky”, he took hold of my left hand and kissed it.

 

-                     “it’s a pleasure, Vicky”, there were a few minutes silence. “You’re not English, are you?”

 

-                     “No, I’m Spanish”, he seemed genuinely surprised.

 

-                     “Oh, Jesus! A Spaniard”, he turned around. “Hey, guys! A Spanish bird! Come over!”, in a matter of seconds I was surrounded by guys. They all wanted to kiss me and touch me and I was almost in tears. I felt absolutely alone.

 

-                     “hey! What the ‘ell is going on ‘ere?”, I recognised that voice. It was John!

 

-                     “Hey, mate!”, someone told him, “there’s a pretty little bird here, a Spaniard ass”, and he started laughing. Not for long, thought. John’s fist went directly to the face of the guy and his laughter died away.

 

-                     “John!!”, I shouted. I was panicking by then. I was imagining another dreadful scene like the one we all lived the previous year on Paul’s birthday.

 

-                     “John?”, said the so-called Ian. “That’s why his voice sounded so familiar. Isn’t he one of the Beatles?”, the guy who had received all of John’s fury said:

 

-                     “I don’t give a shit who the fucker is. I’m gonna give him what he deserves”, he went menacingly towards John and grabbed him by the collar. John grabbed the guy’s neck and that was the last thing I saw before escaping with my eyes full of tears. The image was all blurred due to my tears but I found myself outside the club in the street. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I suddenly remembered we had come with my Ferrari and that I had the car keys in my handbag. I took them out and went directly to the car. Les was in the club with John and all the rest of friends, so I opened the door and sat the steering wheel. I started the car and drove off. I didn’t know where I was going. I was driving along streets and more streets and unconsciously, without any intention, I found ,myself in front of Paul’s hotel.

 

Oh, God! I swear it was unconscious, I don’t remember wanting to go to Paul. I stopped the car and waited a few moments inside the car in the dark. I wondered if John would be in a fight right now. That was very likely. He was very aggressive but lately he had behaved or become more aggressive. And when he drank, everything was worse.

 

Suddenly someone came out of the hotel. It was Eli!! Paul wasn’t with her. I saw her stop a taxi and get in. My mind, without my consent, started sending messages to my body and I got out of the car and went to the hotel.

 

Surprisingly, I didn’t find any opposition at the entrance. The receptionist was very kind to me:

 

-                     “Excuse me, I’m Paul McCarteny’s friend. I just wanted to see him...”, he didn’t even seem surprised. He lifted up his eyes and with a head movement he told me:

 

-                     “There he comes, you just have to turn around”, I did and saw Paul coming out from one of the lifts. He saw me almost at the same time.

 

-                     “Vicky!”, he seemed surprised. “What are ye doing here? I was about to join John and Ring at the Flamingo Club...”

 

-                     “Well, you know...”, I started, but then I didn’t feel like telling him anything in front of the receptionist. “Can we talk in private?”

 

-                     “Sure”, he said, holding the door of the lift open for me. I entered and remained in silence. I’ve never liked lifts, nor even when I0m with someone I like or trust. It’s almost like if you felt forced to say something. Paul spoke: “What’s the matter, luv?”

 

-                     “John’s into a fight again”, I said, almost sobbing. “I don’t know, Paul, I’m so fed up with that... he’s changed so much lately...”, I could feel the tears running down my face. I loved John so much that it hurt seeing him like that.

 

-                     “There, there, luv”, Paul said, hugging me. But his hugs were not like Ringo, George or Brian’s hugs. Nor like Edu or Eli’s hugs. We had slept together, and we had enjoyed it, so our bodies still could feel that energy. I lifted up ,my head and saw Paul looking at me with eyes that showed desire. His mouth started getting closer to mine and I just stood there waiting for his lips to reach mine. When they finally met my lips, I felt everything explode. Paul’s lips were warm and were a little wet. I felt his tongue moving inside my mouth and I felt weak in the knee. The lift stopped at Paul’s floor and that broke the magic. We silently came out of the lift and Paul opened the door of his room. He was staying at one of the best hotels in London, so the room was very beautiful. But I paid very little attention to the room. Because Paul grabbed me by the waist and soothingly started to slide his hands down to my bottom. They stopped there for a while but then he lifted up my skirt and touched my bare skin under my knickers. I moaned. “John is an asshole”, he whispered in my ear. He immediately bit it and I let my head hang backwards.

 

He grabbed me by the ass and lifted me up. He forcedly kissed me again and took me to the bed, where he pushed me on my back. He broke apart from the kiss and started unbuttoning his jacket. As though he were in a hurry, he pulled his skirt out of the trousers ands took it out. There I closed my eyes. No, I didn’t feel guilty. I thought of John, my beloved one, the one I loved madly and wondered what he would be doing. Would he be still in the pub with Ringo or would he have moved to any other night club? I felt Paul’s body cover mine and I opened my eyes. His face was only inches apart from mine. “I love you, girl”, he murmured, and the next second he was kissing me, exploring my mouth with his tongue. His hands started moving too. He lifted my top and took it out. Then he pulled my skirt down, leaving only the high go go boots I was wearing. Hr then started searching my body with his hands, caressing and stroking my breasts. He played and teased my nipples, while he moved down to kiss my neck. His hands, now, stopped caressing my body and came to my face. He put his forefinger in my mouth and he kept on working his way down with his mouth. Now he was kissing and licking my stomach. When he reached my belly button he stopped there. His warm tongue drew circles on it and he bit it. My back arched from sheer pleasure:

-                     “Ye like it, luv?”, I heard him say, still with his lips touching my navel. I could only moan. I was enjoying that so much that I couldn’t speak. He went even more down and stopped at my womanhood. Now he had taken his finger our of my mouth and was touching my nipples with it. I felt the coolness of my own saliva while Paul worked on me.  When I thought I would explode, he stopped and then made love to me. The feeling was so great that I screamed a little out of sheer pleasure. Oh, God, it felt so good... I closed my eyes and saw John smiling at me, with that wonderful goofy smile that I loved so much, and his lovely hazel eyes, his hooked nose that I loved with all my heart. It was him who was making love to me. He was kissing my neck now and I felt his member moving inside me. Oh, John, I love you, I love you, I love you... Say you love me too...

 

-                   “Oh, John, John, baby, yeah, yeah...”, I still had my eyes closed and was about to come when suddenly everything stopped. I opened my eyes and saw Paul looking at me with tearful eyes. He took his dick out of me. I immediately understood everything.  “Oh, sorry, sorry... I’m sorry”, I said, as thought I was guilty of something.

 

-                   “I can’t dig why you still love John so much... And why ye always feel guilty after being with me”, Paul said, looking at the ceiling. I didn’t say anything. The answer to that was clear: I was madly in love with John. The thing with Paul was very weird, and surprised me a lot. I think I just let my body go. “I’m sure ye wouldn’t love him so much if ye knew what he does on tour...”, my heart jumped. I looked at Paul.

 

-                   “What does he do on tour?”, now he looked at me.

 

-                   “Oh, nothing, forget it!”

 

-                   “Paul...”

 

-                   “Nothing! And now, if ye didn’t want to be with me, I don’t know why ye came”, I looked at my hands.

 

-                   “But, Paul don’t you love Eli?”

 

-                   “Oh, yes, I do, sure. I care for Eli, and she’s gorgeous and sexy, and God, she’s marvellous in bed...”, I don’t know why but I started feeling jealous and jealous and I was on the verge of tears. John did something wrong on tour, so wrong that Paul didn’t wasn’t to tell me about it. And Paul was s<ying compliments to Eli with me standing there, “but it’s you whom I fancy”, he went on. That made me lift up my eyes. He bent down and held my chin in his left hand. “Babe, I love ya. I told you long time ago but yet you didn’t believe me. Now I tell ya again. I love you, babe”, no, no, something sure was wrong. That couldn’t be true. Paul was with Eli and from the very beginning had had a crush on Edu. He ciunld0nt be there now telling me he loved me. I got up in a sudden jump and started to get ready to go. “Ya leaving?”, he asked me. I nodded as I got dressed. “Fucking ‘ell”, he seemed worried. “Will you tell John?”

 

-                   “Are you crazy? No way! He wouldn’t forgive any of us. No, and please, don’t tell Eli. She’s one of my best friends”, I had finished getting dressed by then so I just went to the door and went out.

 

I was in panic on my way back home. I didn’t know if I would find John there or he would still be at the party. When I arrived at Kenwood and opened the front gates, I saw some lights. <Dot only came three days a week and this was her day off s John was at home. I opened the door with my key and embraced myself for the worst.

 

I found John in the sitting room with the TV on but without sounds. He was scribbling something on a piece of paper, probably a song or another story for another book of weird stories.

 

-                     “Where ya been?”, he suddenly said, without lifting his head from the paper.

 

-                     “Away”, I told him. God, he was so sexy... I looked at him searching for some marks that showed he had been in a fight. But I could find nothing. His hair was in a mess and was wearing his tie no more, but that was normal in him.

 

-                   “Cryin’ on Paul’s shoulder, weren’t ya?”, I gulped. I went to him and kneeled before him. I loved that man, his eyes, his fringe, his nose, his mouth, his body... I stroked his head and ran my fingers through his every time longer hair. He broke apart with a sudden and rude head movement. He got up. “Weren't ya?”, he repeated.

 

-                   “I told you I was way, John. Can’t you understand I love you madly? I couldn’t just stand there and see you fighting with some assholes”.

 

-                   “And ye ‘ad to go, right? That’s the right thing to do, isn’t it?”, well he was right there. I shouldn’t have left, I would have stayed there supporting him... But God, I hated it when John drank and became aggressive.

 

-                   “I’m going to bed”, I informed him, getting up and heading upstairs. He didn’t say a word and he didn’t even slept with me that night. I cried and cried. I felt empty, full of guilt and feeling as thought I was losing John.

 

The next days John was sulk and wouldn’t talk to me. He was hardly home and I turned to Edu and Eli not to feel alone. We hardly spoke to each other and the few nights John slept at home, we had an argument. But no, I didn’t turn to Paul, I stuck to Edu and Eli. Thank God, Eli didn’t suspect anything. What’s more, she was always the one to bring the Beatles’ latest records home for us to listen and enjoy. At the end of the year, she came with the latest Beatles’ record.

 

-                     “Vicky”, she said, holding the record. “Look at this. Oh, look at these beautiful faces!”, she handed the record to me, I observed it. It was called For Sale and the Beatles were there, but very serious. John’s face was gorgeous as ever but different. Something was wrong with that face.

 

-                     “Where’s Edu?”, I asked, still looking at the cover.

 

-                   “She’s coming in a minute”, well, that was right. Right after having said that, we heard the doorbell. We didn’t move, Dot worked today. Edu came in a few minutes later.

 

-                   “Hi, girls! I hope you haven0t played the record. I’m dying to hear it!”, I smiled and went to the record player to play it. That record shocked me. It was gull of references to me, John and Paul. No wonder John looked so miserable on the cover, he was miserable because of our relationship. “No Reply” seemed to describe a scene between Paul ands I that John had witnessed, In “I’m a Loser” John sang about himself and me. Even the filler “I don’t want to spoilt the party” described that party when I disappeared to be with Paul... Edu and Eli didn’t say a word.

 

But then there also was a lovely version of Buddy Holly’s “Words of love”, which Edu and I loved, Buddy still being one of our big favourites. John and Paul sang beautifully and I just felt tears coming up to my eyes standing there thinking of John and how much I loved him.

 

The phone rang at that very moment. I went to it an picked it up.

 

-                     “Hello?”

 

-                     “Vicky, John ‘ere. Look! Don’t worry and don’t frighten the girls bit Ring's in hospital...”, my heart jumped. What would have happened? Would it be serious? I didn’t let John finish.

 

-                   “In hospital?”, I almost shouted.

 

-                   “Fuckin’ listen to me!”, John was still sulk with me, or angry, or I don’t know what but it hurt. “Well, sorry...”, he said. He had realised he hadn’t acted correctly. “Well, it’s nothing serious. He’s just booked in hospital to have his tonsils out. Mo’s with him”.

 

-                   “Can we go to see him?”

 

-                   “Not yet, in a couple of days, I guess”.

 

-                   “Ok, I’ll let the girls know”.

 

-                   “Right”.

 

-                   “Eh... John?”, I said before he hang up.

 

-                   “Wha?”

 

-                   “I’d like to talk to you... To make things right, to... I...”

 

-                   “I’ll go home tonight”, and he hang up.

 

-                   “Something wrong?”, I hadn’t realised Edu was there.

 

-                   “No, Ringo’s in hospital to have his tonsils taken out. Nothing serious. Really”.

 

-                   “Yeah, but your face is worried”, I looked at her and told her. I told her everything that had happened with Paul and how John and I had arguments every night. She was appalled. “Vicky! I think I told you you should forget about Paul and about everything with Paul. God, Vicky! You0re going to lose John. Is that what you want? Lose John?”, Eli came into the room at that very moment,. Edu and I exchanged glances and stopped talking. Edu told Elli about Ringo, and they both left. I remained home, waiting for John.

 

He came quite late at night. He walked past me when I opened the door for him without even looking at me or kissing me. That hurt, and hurt a lot. He didn’t stop to watch TV like he used to do. He went directly upstarts. I followed him  not saying anything, but he knew I was behind. He entered our room and started getting undressed. Not one word.

 

-                     “John...”, I said, very softly.

 

-                     “Uh?”, he said without looking at me. I sat on the bed. I didn’t know what to say or how to start. I went to him to touch him and touched his arm.

 

-                   “John... I...Well...”, then I had an idea. “Thanks for the song, I mean, for “Words of love”

 

-                   “I knew it was yer favourite, luv. And believe it or not, I still care fer ye”, that was a sign and touched my heart. That made me see a little light a the end of the tunnel. I made him turn round.

 

-                   “John... I love you too. I love you with all my heart, like I’ve never loved before...”

 

-                   “And Paul?”, I sighed.

 

-                   “Paul means nothing to me. How many times can I  possibly say?”

 

-                   “But I saw ye. Have you heard “no Reply?” I saw ye once. I didn’t leave ya I still don’t know why”, I started sobbing., And the sobs became real tears with real yells. I tried to hold on John, and I grabbed his neck.

 

-                   “John, please, that was nothing, nothing! Paul and I are no more than friends... Like you are with Eli and Edu... Please, you have to believe me”, I rested my head on his chest and kept on crying. After a while when I thought nothing was going to happen, I felt him kiss my head. I lifted up my head to meet his eyes. “I love you, I love you madly”.

 

-                   “I love ya too, my little bird”, then he kissed me passionately too. I responded to his beautiful kiss with a moan and more passion in my kiss. He pushed me onto the bed and started undressing me. Oh,. God! That was what I wanted, my old John was back and this was what I had been longing for so long. I whispered his name while he undressed me. This time, he did something he had never done before. When he had me all naked, instead of going kissing me from head down, he put one of my toes in his mouth and started licking it. He licked all my toes. Nobody had ever done that to me and I was feeling so good that I could only moan and moan. When I thought I would explode, he went up to my womanhood and started playing with it, licking it and sliding his warm tongue all over it.

 

-                   “Oh, yeah, John... Please... I like being your harmonica...Play me like in your last song, “I’m a loser”... Please...”, that aroused him all more an licked and locked passionately. But then he stopped, I had closed my eyes and opened them in surprise, I saw John had got up and was looking foe something in the drawers. “What are you doing, John?”, I said, disappointed, I thought we had made it up and now he was leaving me again...

 

-                   “Shh, luv, close yer eyes. Don’t move”, he whispered. That sounded interesting. I did what he said and waited. “Open yer yes, luv”, I did and saw John with that smile I loved so much, his lovely eyes shining and showing me his harmonica, the one he had used in so  many songs and that he had shoplifted in Hamburg.

 

-                   “What are you going to do?”, I asked, half scared half eager. He smiled even more. Oh, how I loved his smile.

 

-                   “Wait and see”, then he put the harmonica in is mouth and started licking it. The harmonica made a little sound with it got in contact with John0s mouth. He licked it it until it was full of saliva. Then he did the same with my womanhood again and I closed my eyes. That was when I felt something cold and rigid into me. I opened the eyes in panic and saw that John was putting his harmonica into me. He saw my distraught face and smiled: “Relax, luv, I’d never do anything to hurt ya. I just want to make ya ‘appy...”, then I relaxed. I trusted John. “What does it fell to be my ‘armonica, luv? “Ya like it?”, I just moaned to answer him. He kept on putting the harmonica in and out and I felt he moved. Then I felt his warm tongue licking all my belly. He tongued my belly button for a few minutes and he went up to my breasts. He licked one and then moved to the other one. Then, up to my neck, while the harmonica kept giving me pleasure. When he reached my mouth he took it out for good and replaced it for his manhood. I moaned out of sheer pleasure. “Yeah, yeah, luv... I’ll show ya how much I love ye... yeah... Girl...”, he said, he kissed me forcedly and put his tongue into me. He pushed and pushed and when I thought I would go crazy, hre cxmwe over me, filling all my navel with his lovely sperm. He then lied on his back and lit up a cigarette. I couldn’t move but I had to, so I got up and went directly to the bathroom to have a shower. When I came back to the room, I found John exactly in the same position I had left him. But now he was writing sometihing. I went into bed:

 

-                     “Thanks again for the cover of “Words of love”. I can’t believe you still remembered it was Edu’s and my favourite”, he ketpn on writing for s few moments and then he said:

 

-                   “Not only that. Have you listened to the rest of the record? It’s bloody full of ye... I thought ya might have liked “Evry little thing”, but I was woirng...”, Oh, God! So “Every little thing” was for me too! I couldn’t believe iot, that was one of my favourites!

 

-                   “John, I love that one! But, honestly, I didn’t think it was for me. John...”, I turned around to face him. "I love you like mad, I love you like I've never loved before...", I didn't know what else to tell him. He turned to me and kissed my head.

 

-        "I know, my little bird...", I was happy again.

 

-        "What are you writing now?", I asked him.

 

-        "Oh, another piece of crap... It's a nice hat..."

 

-        "A nice hat?", I didn't understand a word so I grabbed the paper when he got distractaed and proceeded to read: "Is it right that you and I should fight, every night, just the sight of you makes night time bright, very bright, haven't I the right to make it up, girl?" I thought for a while. Yes, no doubt about that. The song was summing up exactly the situation between us for the last few weeks. He grabbed the paper from me.

 

-        "And ye 'aven't told me anything about me special song fer ye...", he said. I looked at him in awe. I knew "No reply", "I'm a Loser" and "I don't Want to Spoil the Party" were the songs dedicated to our relationship. But it seemed I had missed something.

 

-        "Which one?"

 

-        "Every Little Thing", I closed my eyes becasue the song was one of my favourites in the album. So I turned to hug John.

 

-        "Oh, John, I love you so much. Thanks, thanks...", I said kissing him all over the face. He didn't say anything for a while and just let me do. But then he surprised me. "Sure there's nothing going on with paul...?", I was so surprised that I didn't eralise my lips were still on John's face.

 

-        "Sure, John... I love you, I love you", he didn't say anything. He just swtiched off the lift and turned to sleep.

 

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