And unfortunately, the fans had discovered John’s new address. I didn’t go out to the balcony, because I didn’t want anybody to see I was living with him, but when I looked out of the window through the almost transparent curtains, I saw posters hanging on from the building in front of us saying "I love you, John", and things like that. And the front door of the building was always full of girls there, who started to shout at every possibility of the door opening, in case it was John. I put up with it for as long as I could. It’s still a miracle that none of these girls had recognised me before, because when it did, it had dreadful consequences.

The day before the Beatles had to go to France, they had the day off. John phoned George and Edu to ask them if they wanted to spend the say with us. No, they had their own plans, but surprisingly, Paul and Eli came. I didn’t expect them, so it was good to have them home. John phoned a restaurant and we were delivered food at home.

• "I’m glad you finally made it", said John. "It’s getting really difficult to come to my own home, you know".
• "I know", said Paul, "Jane’s dad is getting really pissed off with the emergency phone ringing most often every day". I saw Eli’s face change at the mention of Jane. Paul also noticed. "Hey, luv, don’t be so!". I lifted my eyebrows. Then Eli excused herself and went to the bathroom, and John went to the kitchen to fetch another bottle of wine.

In the couple of minutes Paul and I were alone, there was something strange floating in the air. Paul’s and my eyes met more than once and I saw something different in Paul’s eyes, something I couldn’t describe then but that I know perfectly now. It was a strange thing. John came in again, and Paul’s eyes directed to him, and everything had changed now. His eyes were normal again. Then Eli came and everything was like before.

After lunch, they wanted to go somewhere to enjoy their day off before going to France to a full schedule of concerts and press conferences. John looked at me:

• "Luv, you alright to go out?" Well, I didn’t feel really well that day, so I told John I would stay home but I didn’t want to spoil his day so I told him to go.
• "I’m not going, John, but, please, do go, John. I’ll probably go to bed in a couple for hours, so I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?"
• "Baby, don’t wanna leave you".
• "No, you’re not leaving me, please, John, go". Quite reluctantly, he went. I said goodbye to Paul at the door, because I wouldn’t go the next day to the airport. So they all three went and I stayed home.

I went to bed really early that night, and John still hadn’t turned. They were really celebrating it, I suppose. And next day I woke up to a ringing phone. John was sleeping by my side (I don’t know when he had come back) and we both woke and got up in a sudden jump. I went to pick it:

• "Hello?", I said groggily.
• "Vicky, good morning, this is Brian, please, put me through to John". I went still half asleep to wake up John, a very difficult task, I must admit. I shook him up a little.
• "John, Brian’s on the phone", I said going back to bed and getting the right position to sleep again.
• "Bloody hell! What time is it?" he mumbled. I didn’t answer. I was very tired, without apparent reason, because I had gone to bed really early the previous night. Well, I thought I could sleep more but the phone wouldn’t let me. As soon as John had hung up, it started ringing again and it didn’t stop in the whole morning. It was a hectic morning, Brian, Neil and Mal were making sure everything was alright with John. He gave me a paper with the phone number of the hotel they were staying: "Does it remind you of anything, luv?", yes, it did. They were going to stay at the George V Hotel, where John and I had been and had shared so many beautiful moments. "Ok, so, here’s the phone, please, phone me if anything happens, right?" I nodded.
• "What time does your plane take off?" He looked at his watch.
• "A quarter past five, I think, but I must be leaving in twenty minutes", he looked at me, "Are you sure you don’t want to come with me to the airport?"
• "No, John, there’ll be lots of people and I don’t want to be there with this bump and everything". He looked at my bump and then at my face and deep into my eyes.
• "You know I love you, don’t you?", he said suddenly. He leaned towards me and kissed me. "Why don’t you have Edu or Eli come to live here while I’m away? They can take care of you", Well, I must admit it wasn’t a bad idea, but they had their plans, probably, I don’t know if they would like to take care of a pregnant girl. He gave me one final kiss and headed to the door. That was our life, always hellos and goodbyes, John coming out and in my life. When I met John I had a slight idea that he was famous, but he could still spend some time with me. Now he was hardly home, he was away most of the time, and I wanted him to be me.
• "When are you coming, John?"
• "In three weeks, but then remember I’ve got a surprise for you, OK?" I managed to give him a weak smile.
• "I’m gonna miss you, John, as usual. Don’t forget me!"
• "I couldn’t, luv, I couldn’t forget you", he blew me a kiss and went away. And there I stayed, sitting on the bed, with a big bump, which was getting bigger every day and without the person I loved more in the world.

As soon as they got to France, John phoned me. Ringo hadn’t been able to meet them because he was travelling straight from Liverpool and the airport was fogbound. John also told me he was sharing the room with Paul, where they had a piano, because they had to write new songs for their upcoming album. Oh, yeah, that was all well and good, but I was missing him.

I don’t know for them, but for me, life continued much as before. Every time I wanted to go out my own home, I had to step over loads of girls, most of them three or four years younger than me, who had spent the night sleeping on the floor of the building where we lived. That I couldn’t believe. Some of them looked at me suspiciously, but never told me anything directly. One of them asked me once:

• "Hey, do you know the door where John Lennon lives?" I had to pretend.
• "John Lennon? uau! If I knew, I would go directly there". But I don’t think they believed me.

Edu and Eli kept coming very often. We used to go out together to go shopping or to the cinema. And one day at the end of January we decided to go out together to have dinner. Edu and Eli had to come to my place, and so we three together would go to this restaurant in central London. By then, the fans I think had found out that maybe I had something to do with John. They didn’t stop ringing the doorbell. The first time they rang the intercom, thinking it was probably Edu and Eli who came for me, I answered:

• "Yes?"
• "Oh, so we’ve finally found you. You’re living with John Lennon! We’re gonna kill you, bitch!" Oh no! Danger. But how come these girls couldn’t understand John and the other three were free to live and love whomever they wanted? I started to panic. The intercom kept on ringing and I didn’t answer for a while until it became so persistent that I had to:
• "Y..Yes?", I said in sheer fear.
• "Hell, Vicky, open the door this minute! The girls are all pushing us to enter, we can’t stand it any longer!", I opened the door for them and hang up the intercom. Oh, God, this was becoming a nightmare. We had to literally fight to enter our own house. They finally came to the door: "Close the door, Vicky, quick, they’re following us!" I closed the door and they leaned on the closed door breathing heavily.
• "I can’t put up with them!", said Eli. "They’re dangerous!"
• "I know", I said, "what can we do, now?" We didn’t know. Edu and Eli came with me to the living room and I offered them a coke.
• "We have to do something", said Edu, "we have to go on with our normal lives, you see, we have to go to that bloody restaurant!" I was getting fed up with all this. A prisoner in my own home. I got up in a jump.
• "Let’s go! If we have to fight, let’s fight". I was determined to go on with my normal life, the life I had before meeting John.
• "Are you sure?"; Eli told me, "it’s really dangerous, but specially for you, Vicky."
• "Oh, I’m alright, take care of yourself, Eli." She shuggered and Edu said:
• "We have to run for our lives, do you know that?" Well, I didn’t think it was that dangerous.
• "Nah, they’ll probably have gone by now".
• "Ok, then, you ready?" I nodded, yes I was ready. So we three took each other by the hands and headed to the door. I opened and poked my head. Nothing. Everything was dark and in silence. So they got out first and turn on the lights while I locked the door. I had the keys of the main door, so I had to go first coming down the stairs, they made room for me to pass when a shadow came from behind some of the other doors in the building. After that shadow more and more shadows appear and they started screaming and shouting:
• "We’ve got you, bitches! Where’s the pregnant bitch who is screwing our John? Ah, there she is!", she all came like a stampede. Edu and Eli tried to protect me but it was too late. Edu placed herself in front of me and Eli behind me, but the girls pushed Eli, Eli pushed me and I pushed Edu. Edu and Eli grabbed the baranda but I couldn’t, my belly weighed more than I first had expected, so I tripped and fell over downstairs. I only remember Edu and Eli shouting:
• "VICKY!!", and a terribly pain that I couldn’t say where it came from, but it was so deep and painful that I passed out. I lost consciousness.

I don’t know for how long I had out but when I finally came round there were lots of heads leaning over me. I couldn’t distinguish anything, my sight was still blurred, partly due to my short-sightedness and partly due to having been out. When I could distinguish something I saw Edu, Eli, a girl in a uniform that I guessed it was the nurse or the doctor, and Sunny, Bob Freeman’s wife. Edu was holding my hand and had tears coming down her face.

• "She’s coming round!", I heard someone say. Then I realised. I was in hospital. And my mind went backwards and went to the point when I had fallen over the stairs, but from that moment on, I couldn’t remember anything else. There was a gap there, a dark gap. Edu squeezed my hand:
• "How are you, dear?", she asked me in between sibs. Well, I couldn’t lie to her. I felt really weak and somehow I felt much lighter than before the accident. Much lighter? Hey, what’s going on here? No, oh no! That can not be possible, can it? No, my baby! MY BABY!
• "My baby, Edu, what’s happened?" I saw everybody’s faces change at the mention of the baby. I realised there and then I had lost it. "Have I... have I...?", I couldn’t utter the word, it was too painful for me to continue. I closed my eyes. Then the nurse spoke, holding my other hand:
• "You’ve lost it, dear. You’ve lost your baby". Oh, no! That pain hurt a lot more than the physical one. I hardly felt any pain now, only when I moved, but the emotional pain. I had lost not only my baby but also John’s. JOHN! I had to tell him!
• "Does John...?" Well, I was worse than I first thought because I could hardly speak.
• "We’ve phoned them, Vicky, don’t worry!", said Eli. "We couldn’t put through to John directly, but Neil was on the phone. We didn’t want to tell him anything directly to him we just told him to tell John we had phoned. Then he... He phoned back, and we had to tell him there had been a terrible accident. He doesn’t know you’ve lost your baby. He and George and on their way now!"

I was crying silently then. I had closed my eyes but my tears were running down my face like rain from the sky. Oh, no! This was the worst thing that could have finally happened. But this was not the worst. More dreadful things were still to come, and the next one came immediately after.

• "Can I speak to her in private for a minute, please?", said the doctor. She wasn’t a nurse, she was a doctor. Edu got rid of my hand and they all went away. Then the doctor sat on a side of the bed and took my hand:
• "Vicky, I’m Mrs Collins. Listen, this is gonna be difficult for you. You had been pregnant for four months, which is a very very dangerous time to lose a baby", I gulped, "your life was in danger for a couple of days, but we finally were able to save it. Now you’re here, and you only have to rest for some more weeks, maybe with one or two will be enough, according to how you respond to the treatment". I nodded. But internally, I knew she hadn’t finished there. He squeezed my hand. "Vicky, we had to operate you. There’s no external scar, just a thin line just below your navel that with a couple of months will be hardly noticeable. The scars, the real aftermath is internal.", now it was her who gulped. "Vicky, this is hard for me too... You won’t be able to have more children any more. Never, Vicky."

I think I ran out of blood at that very moment. I broke down and cried loudly, really loudly. I felt shit, shit and shit and I wanted to die. And where was John? Where the bloody hell was he? Playing for thousands of screaming girls, giving them his best smile while I was here suffering and wanting to die. I was never to be the same after that. My attitude changed after that. I couldn’t care less about fame, money, music, Beatles, and even John. I just wanted to live life to the full, enjoy myself, live life to my own taste. I knew right then that happiness is measured out in miles and that if those miles are full of stones, you just have to jump over them and keep on living.

There was suddenly a knock on the door. It was a delivery boy. He brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a note. Mrs Collins took it and thanked the boy, since I could hardly move.

• "Beautiful flowers, Vicky. You must have something really special who loves you a lot". And they were from John. I opened the little card: "To Vicky from John. Love you love you love you love you". I only was able to cry more and more loudly.
• "I'm sorry Mrs Collins", I said crying.
• "Oh, dear, it’s nothing! You’ve been very brave. Do you want me to call you friends?"
• "Oh, yes, please". Then she tapped my hand lightly and went away. A couple of seconds later Edu, Eli and Sunny came into the room. Edu came to hug me and Eli did the same after her.
• "We’re so sorry, dear!", she told me.
• "Have my parents been informed?"
• "Yes", said Sunny, "we looked for their number in your phone book. Your mother was quite upset and she said she would be here as soon as possible. We gave them the number of the hospital and she phoned some hours after that saying they couldn’t find a plane for the next few days, but maybe they will be here tomorrow or the day after".
• "And Mimi’s been informed too", said Edu. I closed my eyes. I just wanted John to be here. I loved John madly and I didn’t know how he would react to the news that he had lost his baby. There was another knock on the door. "I’ll go to see", said Edu. She went to open it and there was a different delivering boy carrying two or three more bouquets of flowers, I had lost count. All of them were from John. The room was almost filled with flowers. But nothing could make up for John being with me.

But everything comes to him who waits, and suddenly we heard another knock on the door. This time Eli went to open the door and in came two guys in disguise. Both were wearing glasses and big dark moustaches, and one of them was wearing a leather cap. I knew it was John. He started getting all those things and came to me. He kneeled at the side of the bed and took my hand. Before he could say anything Edu said:

• "We’ll wait outside, if you need anything, just tell us", then George, who had come with John, came to me and kissed me on the cheek softly.
• "I’m really sorry, Vicky, really sorry!", I tried to give him a weak smile but internally I was looking forward to the moment when John and I could finally be alone. When Sunny, who was the last to walk out, closed the door behind her, John told me:
• "My luv, how are you?" I looked at him. He was deeply and genuinely concerned. His lovely face showed he was worried. But the question seemed out of place:
• "What kind of question is that, John? Can’t you see? I’m bad, really bad!" I said crying. He looked hurt and when he saw me cry he became more uncomfortable.
• "But what happened?" I didn’t know if telling him now or wait a little bit more and let him find for himself. I decided to tell him. It was his child too, and he had a right to know.
• "John... I’ve lost the baby". Silence. John took his cap off and ran his fingers through his hair. I closed my eyes and leaned on the pillow. I felt John’s head on my stomach, as if he were resting or something. I couldn’t hear a thing and so I opened my eyes and saw John with his head on my stomach but he had is face towards the door, so I could only see his hair. I looked at him carefully and notice he was shaking his shoulders. At first I couldn’t understand what he was doing but then I realised he was crying. I stroked his hair. "John...", I said crying too. "I’m so sorry, I’ve lost your baby, John. I’m sorry!" And the tears drowned my words. I was really broken out. Then John looked at me with his lovely face full of tears and wiped them out with his arm.
• "Hey, luv", he said between sobs, "I don’t care about the baby now. I care about you. Are you alright? Tell me how it happened!"
• "John... I’m not alright. I won’t be able to have more children any more. Never, John, never. And it was all because of your fans. They pushed us, Edu, Eli and me, in our own home, inside the patio. I fell down the stairs". I don’t know if John had taken in all I had told him, but the thing is that he was looking at me as though he didn’t know me. Then he came to hug me. He kissed me thousands of times on my face and we drank each other’s tears. We stayed in each other’s arms for a while when he suddenly told me:
• "Paul and Ringo send you their regards, luv. They couldn’t come, although they would have liked to, but someone had to stay there".
• "It’s Ok, John"
• "I’ll make up for all this, luv, I’ll really do. Just tell me what you want, anything, whatever, if the sun has faded away I’ll try to make it shine, things like that, luv, but let me make up for you". There was nothing I could think of at that moment. I just wanted to be fine soon and go home, or be with John, get out from this bloody hospital.

I told John my parents and Mimi were on their way, at least they knew what had happened. John spent the whole night with me so that Edu, Eli and Sunny could go home to rest. George had gone out to dinner with somebody but Edu hadn’t gone with him, she was too tired to go out.

And then, in the middle of the night, or in the very early morning, Edu and George came to the hospital. John was sleeping on an armchair and so George came smoothly to one side of the bed and asked me:

• "Edu’s told me, Vicky. How awful! How are you feeling anyway?" I tried to smile.
• "Better, well, I’ve seen better days, but you know, it’s getting better"
• "Glad to hear it, luv". John woke up then. "Hi, John!"
• "What’s up, George? Enjoyed your dinner?"
• "Oh, yeah, thanks, but now it’s time to go back to France." John frowned.
• "Are you out of your head or what? I’m not going!" There was silence. George looked at Edu, Edu looked at me and I looked at John. He was looking at George very carefully.
• "John, be reasonable. We have some contract there, we can not avoid our responsibilities"
• "I don’t give a fuck about the contract! I’m staying here with her. She needs me more that the bloody French."
• "Oh, John, I see, but look, you’re putting Paul and Ringo down, and also me. We work together, remember that? Do you think Brian will like that?"
• "Fuck to Brian and fuck to the bloody concerts! I’m staying with her!" Nobody said anything. It was useless to try to reason with John when he decided something. I wanted John by my side, with me, I loved him, but I reckoned that was his career, what he did for a living and that the Beatles were so big now that they couldn’t get off the wagon even if they wanted to.
• "Ok, please, can I speak to John for a moment in private, please?" They nodded and went. "John, come here. Sit down by me". He did. He took my hand and I stroked it. "John, you have to go. I mean, you owe your friend something, don’t you?. They count on you".
• "But, luv, you need me more than them. I can’t let you here alone while I’m fucking playing for the bloody French, who the only thing they know from us is She Loves You. I want to stay here with you".
• "Listen, John. You told me yesterday I could ask you for whatever I wanted. How are you going to pay for something if you don’t work and get the money? Besides, my mum and Mimi are coming. They will take care of me." He shook his head.
• "No, no, I’m not going to leave you here, like this".
• "John, you have to go, but please, do something to stop all this. It could have been much worse. Say something to your fans. We want to go out to the streets without fear of being recognised and mobbed. They want to hit us, push us and do worse things to us". John remained silent for some moments. I stroked his every time longer hair. He held my hand and kissed it.
• "You sure you will be alright?"
• "John, the worst had already happened. I needed you more when I was pregnant, now I’m ok. I’m all surrounded by doctors, and believe me, I will be fine".

He had to give in. Very reluctantly, John and George had to fly to Paris on the early morning flight. They had come without nobody knowing, so no big notice should be done about their visit.

And finally, my parents and Mimi arrived. All the same day, what a coincidence. Mum was crying when she knew and Mimi was also quite concerned. She offered me to go to live with her to Liverpool, but I don’t think that was a good idea.

• "How did it happen?", my dad asked. My dad! I hadn’t seen him since Christmas Eve, he had denied me his word, but now he was there quite concerned for me. My brother hadn’t been able to come, he had exams and anyway, he could come any time he liked during the year.
• "John’s fans pushed me"
• "John’s fans?", my dad couldn’t believe it. Well, for someone living in Spain, it was quite unbelievable but Mimi knew a word or two about that.
• "John is a celebrity in England Sir", she said.
• "A celebrity? Well, I can’t believe that, but anyway I don’t want my daughter to be involved in anything of that sort. Fans? Hysteria?", he looked at me, "baby, come home!" Mimi butted in:
• "Well, Sir, nobody’s forced your daughter to get involved in all this. She chose it for herself. John was married and had a son when she met him and even so she didn’t care. And she also knew he was a musician, so don’t put all the blame on my nephew". ¡Uf! Things were getting hotter and hotter. Knowing Mimi’s and dad’s character I had to stop that:
• "Ok, dad, I’m Ok. I love John and I am going to stay here with him. He loves me and what’s happened is not his fault. He doesn’t like all this hysteria either, so, please, dad, understand". They calmed down after that. I was getting very tired by then, I needed to rest and so they three went to the cafe bar and so they could get to know each other better.

Edu came as soon as she could get rid of her job. Eli came too, but no Tessa, which was fine by me. I didn’t want to have anything to do with her. It was people like her who had made me fall and lose my baby. Edu held my hand again:

• "How are you feeling, now, dear?", she asked me.
• "I’m better... Still a little bit weak, but better anyway. What happened after I fell down? I’ve got this black gap in my mind and I can’t remember anything". Edu gulped.
• "Well, after you fell down you lost consciousness. At first we thought it was only a black out but then we started to see you were losing blood that came out running down your legs. All the fans had gone away, the bloody cowards, and so we started to panic. Eli started to scream and scream and so Sunny opened her door and we told her. Bob wasn’t there. She called an ambulance and we come here with you. We were really frightened, Vicky. We thought you were gone forever. You were three days out of this fucking world". She stopped and Eli went on:
• "And besides we couldn’t put through to John. At first nobody took the phone, and then we could talk to Neil. We were really worried, but we never said a word to anybody".

I thanked them. They had acted like real friends, always by my side. Maybe it was because it was thanks to me that they had met two Beatles guys, but anyway, I would always be grateful to them.

My parents and Mimi had got on more or less well, so that was one thing less to worry about. "That Mimi is all a character", my dad had said. Yeah, he was absolutely right.