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| 22 April 2002 |
| 22 April 2002 Katrina's First Weekly Diary Check out Katrina's first weekly diary entry below: I think I can safely say that this week has been the most amazingly different week of my entire life. I have had some amazing highs and lows, all of which I am grateful for. I started this week feeling on top of the world. I was excited by the challenge because I knew that it would stretch me beyond my normal limits (especially since I consider myself an �indoor person�). I was expecting to be nominated on Monday night so, although it wasn�t a shock when my name was announced, it did hurt to think that I wasn�t bonding with the group as well as the others (Note to self: stop caring so much about what other people think of me). By Tuesday night I was over the shock and emotion of the nominations and was back to being my normal self, and in some respects, better than normal. I was feeling so amazing inside that I didn�t really know what to do with myself � I really love this place. However, I became concerned during the week due to some people saying that they wanted to leave/be nominated and they seemed to be making a huge joke of the nominations (easy for people who haven�t been nominated). It all came to a head on Thursday night when I overheard some people say that they were only interested in how they were being portrayed to the outside world because they were doing the show to change their lives on the outside (which said to me that they were just using the show and the other housemates as tools in their plans and weren�t actually being true to the experience). This particularly worried me because I feel that I am not ready to leave the house yet. There are so many more things that I want to experience while I am in here and to be faced with the thought of being forced to leave before I want to, while other people are ready and may outlast me, really hurt me. I had a hard time with this Thursday night and took things way too personally (Note to self: probably best not to get into argument whilst drunk). I feel really bad about how I reacted, especially since I seem to have damaged some friendships that I was starting to form in the house. Thankfully, I have managed to pull myself out of the hurt that I was feeling and I am now back to feeling like myself. I am so grateful that I have made some amazing friendships in the house and it was these friendships that saved me from the personal hell that I was going through. It is hard to believe I could become so worked up over such a small incident but everything that happens in here seems to be magnified. I just hope that I am still here next week, but if I am not I still had an amazing time that I will never forget. |