Supposing I do talk to him. Suppose I admit to myself exactly how I feel. Suppose I'm just stupid. How would I tell him? And...I don't know. I know I'm living in a modern society, and everyone is liberated, but I'm still holding on to that traditional thing that girls aren't supposed to go first. I'm not making a move, but still. That's just crazy.
I'm just insane. I better abandon it. Hahah. Then I'll be like the rest of us, waiting, stupidly. Naghihintay, para sa wala.
Imagine that.
I feel so depressed everytime I think about it.
O kay tagal din kitang minahal...
O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin...
Hmm...
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad. Wake up, sunshine, these are the best days of your life, so far. It's your time to shine.
God...
I haven't been thinking about much else lately. Well, when I'm in school, I deal with it. But when I'm back here, doing nothing, if I'm not depressed or fighting with my 'rents, I'm thinking about him.
This guy's not even entirely cute. But he's so nice, thoughtful, generous...it makes him the cutest guy in the world. And anyone else is just a pretty face.
Nahh....
I fixed the pc last night. My brother taught me how. My two other siblings couldn't be bothered to learn. He taught me how to fiddle around with the hardware, how to GUESS at what's wrong. Stuff like that. I can't live without a pc, so...it matters to me. I'm looking at computers in a whole new light now. And the manufacturers. They make everything so easy for us.
****
I can't bring myself to say it to your face...I love you.
Monday, October 6, 2003, 8:38pm
Well, I've changed my layout. Kinda. Hahah. I still have to think of a nicer one. Any ideas are welcome.
This sucks. This really bites.
The vocalist of The All-American Rejects is so hot. Tyson something. Really. Heheh.
I'm sooo bored. Gonna watch How To Deal this friday. Although, if that movie is to be informative, I think it'll be useless with me. Because I've got nothing to deal with.
Except maybe this sissy bedtime. Damn.
Happy happy joy joy.
Hmm...after all this time, I still can't get him out of my head. It's like...I don't know how to tell him. I'm not even sure if I want him to know. And everytime I psych myself up and think I can say how I feel, he leaves. Or is busy. How convenient. Maybe I'm just afraid of how he'll react. For the first time, I care. I'm so unsure of myself. And I want to take the risk, but I sort of don't want to, because I don't think I'm ready to face the consequences, if any. I need to talk to him some more, I guess.
