Tuesday, September 16, 2003, 8:09pm
Today feels so...boring.
It's...uneventful.
Gahh!! I've got to study. Just for fun.
JULIENNE IDOL KITA!! Hahaha.
***
My brother has typhoid or dengue or something or other. I seem unconcerned, don't I? I have no idea if it's serious. But he went to the hospital this afternoon, and they told him to come back tomorrow. WEEEEIIIIRRRDDD...
***
Hahahah I've just watched 'Life of Brian', another Monty Python film. Hahaha.
It's really funny how the actors keep popping up as different characters...
Hahaha, and then there was Pilate, who couldn't say 'R' (e.g. Welease Bwian!) and his "fwend" from "Wome", Biggues Dickus, who lisped. (Athyrian Athathin.)
There is some frontal nudity, and it's really sort of unexpected that it's shocking. I was like, OHMYGOSH they just HAD to show it, didn't they??
***
Here's the poem. Just remembered it.
Jesus, He died,
He suffered and cried,
He made Himself wafer,
this Son of the Maker.
Who is this man on the cross,
who suffered severe blood loss?
He who looked up at the sky and said,
"Father, forgive them, for they are misled."
Is He really who He claims to be,
the Savior, the One Who'll Set Us Free?
We petty men took this for granted,
a gift of mercy, something all wanted.
Through the ringing of this man's knell,
He saved us all from certain Hell.
Now bow your heads, give kudos and say,
"Thanks for giving us life today."
-Me, Micole, Lia Albano
(Knell, by the way, is a bell that is rung when someone dies. Or is about to..Shakespeare, I think.)
Corny, isn't it? Hahahha. It's for class.
***
Issa, I swear, we need to talk.
C'mon, don't say stuff like that! It's scary, and lots of us care about you, an' you're jus' scarin' us s'more.
Don't, alright? Think! If you died (or killed yourself, whichever comes first.) imagine what a loss that would be to the rest of us. We'd 'ave lost a great writer (remember the guy who couldn't sleep if you didn't post your fanfic? Hahah) a really really good actress (Go Snow Queen!) a singer (uhm...well, you're just really good. Magkaka-album ka na!!) and a really loyal, loving, good influence friend.
Hmm, that din't make sense.
Well then, in simpler terms, as whatsername says,
SNAPS FOR ISSA!! *snaps*
Hahahah!!
(Timothy is smokin', by the way. Hahahah!)
---Edited 9:21pm--
Issa...ohmygosh. I just read your blog. I can't believe how much we're alike. I experienced that a few months ago.
I even thought about that chronic depression thing, how I wished that someone could die from it, how I wished that I'd just die...
I don't know what to say about it, because it's not anything I want to remember.
I'd cried myself to sleep almost every night then. It's really surprising how similar this is.
The only difference is no one seemed to notice then. It was really sad, and I was disappointed in myself.
I even wanted to go insane, if I didn't die. I was afraid to kill myself not because I was afraid to die, but because I was afraid that I'd miss something in life, something in the future. I wanted to go insane, just so I could live, but still be able to observe the world. At the same time I'd be taken care of, because well..I'd be insane.
Actually, nights like this still come along once in a while. And that same thought, that there might be something more that will happen to me, and the hope (however stupid and blind..) that I'd get through it are the only stuff that keep me from killing myself...
I know it doesn't sound sad at all. When I'm not sad, but I talk about sad stuff, I tend to be indifferent. It's strange.
But anyway.
Don't you dare think that I may not be experiencing the same pain that you are. Don't think that I haven't experienced as much pain as you. Don't think that since we're two different people, and others look at us in different ways, I'm don't feel the same things.
I'm just as stupid, ugly, imperfect, disappointing and sad as anyone else. Possibly more.
Hahahah.
I just can't write the most personal thoughts here. These are a bit lighter. If I'm really depressed, I write in my diary.
Where I can rag on all I want about anything. Or rave.
My journal is a special thing to me. It's uninteresting to others. (Partly because it's a hybrid of my special code, and English. Weird noh?) No one tries to read it, so I can write absolutely anything. I can name names. I can swear all I want.
So..sorry if these stuff seem to be shallow.
I'm just not THAT comfortable with the world quite yet. I'm still a bit of a hidden person.
***
I just wanna say, I love you all.
I have this straaange urge to let everyone know just how much I love 'em.
I don't really hate hate hate anybody, just dislike. Seriously. Or I can be annoyed with someone, but I can still love him or her.
***
I think I've sang this before, but oh well.
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again. Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did.
Look at me, my depth perception must be off again, you got much closer than I thought you did.
***
Gosh...
Well...still the same guy on my mind, same guy I've been thinking of for months.
This is usually easy for me. To forget someone, I mean.
So what's up with this one? It's like...I want to forget him, but...it's just not working. I've devised a plan, but..hahah I don't know if it will work.
This is really an unusual, strange feeling. I mean, I've run out of guys to like. Usually, I've got five at a time or sumfink. (I'm fickle and all that...) but...well, this one is a record, isn't it?
I'm not really thinking of anyone else...not even considering anyone. I mean, sure I've got other crushes, but it's all being overwhelmed by this one.
It's just so hard not to tell him. Hahahah.
This is so damn corny.
But you know what I mean? It's like, you really want that person to know, but you just can't tell him.
Ahh, I give up.
***
Hmm I forgot how it goes..
I got it from Dino though...it's so cute, a line from a song...
"under the table and dreaming...."
.
I
know
this
much
is
true...