advice

~ Always take time to smell the roses.............and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

~ If a motorist cuts you off, turn the other cheek.....nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

~ If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevator with a lot of bright people.

~ It's always darkest before dawn.........so if you're going to steal your neighboor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

~ Before you criticize somebody, you should walk a while in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes.

~It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown.................and fewer still to ignore somebody completely.

~ Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

~ No problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be solved by blaming someone else.

~ If at first you don't suceed, skydiving is NOT for you.

~ My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended us dying of tuberculosis.

~ It takes a big man to cry....but it takes a bigger man still to laugh at that man.

~ When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle......it's fun to watch the neighbor's dog run to the end of his leash and gag himself.

~ Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

~ There is a very fine line between "hobby" and mental illness.

~ No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

~ When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always on individual who percieves a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

~Never lick a steak knife.

~ Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

~ You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

~ You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests she might be pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.

~ The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy the people who are not in them.

~ A person who is nice to you and rude to the waiter is not a nice person.