[AN: Anyone who has seen the "Fushigi Akuugi" scenes from the first FY OAV tape, the ones that involve a bus trip, should be nodding in recognition right about now.]
Nuriko: *severely tripping* Come on, everybody! *sings, rather tonelessly* "This old man, he played four . . . . " Come ON, people! (Continues singing in the background over the next few lines.)
Chichiri: *aside to Tani* This is pretty sad, no da.
Tani: *nodds* Indeed.
XJo-Chan: *muses* Perhaps we should sing along . . . . just to shut him up . . . .
Fluffy: *glare*
XJo-Chan: *sweatdrop* Or, perhaps not . . . .
(A green sign lights up at the front of the bus. It reads, "Stop Ahead." Somebody apparently installed this between episodes, as it would eventually come in handy.)
MJ: *excitedly* Oo, our first official bus stop! Sugoi, no da!
Neko: *hell-hath-no-fury-like-mine glare*
MJ: Oops, gomen, Neko-chan. I forgot. (The bus slows to a stop and the door opens.)
Chiriko: *climbing the steps* Hi, everyone!
K-Chan: Chiriko! (Enter Genki and Trin behind him.)
MJ: (leaps to her feet) Ah, you guys! (Much hugging.) How on earth did you get here? (Meanwhile, more hugs from Tani and XJo-Chan.)
Nuriko: *forlornly* Will SOMEBODY sing with me, here?
Genki: *sings* "The wheels on the bus go �round and �round . . . �Round and �round . . . �Round and �round . . . The wheels on the bus go �round and �round . . . all through the town . . . . "
MJ: And all this without even a Chemical Pop . . . . K-Chan, buddy, pal, light of my life . . . I think I need one. (K-Chan hands her a cherry Chemical Pop.) Arigatto gozaimasu.
Trin: *feeling a little lost* Can anyone tell me who all these . . . (Glances at IY.) . . . people are?
Neko: *exuberantly; she loves doing this* I can! I can! (She darts around the bus and points out each character.) OK, here�s how you remember them: the monk with the mask and the mohawk is Chichiri . . . .
Chichiri: *waves* Kon�nichi wa, no da!
Neko: . . . . the guy who currently has his hand on your butt and will shortly ask you to bear his child is Miroku . . . .
Trin: *slaps Miroku�s hand away* Do you mind?
Miroku: Will you . . .
Trin: *cuts him off* No chance, no way, no how.
Neko: . . . . the guy that looks like a girl with purple hair is Nuriko . . . .
Nuriko: Nice to meet you!
Neko: . . . . the fang-boy is Tasuki . . . .
Tasuki: *waves, nodds*
Neko: . . . . the dog-demon in the boa is Sesshoumaru, also known as Fluffy . . . .
Fluffy: *quirks an eyebrow*
Neko: . . . . the terrorist priest over there is Wolfwood . . . *notices his absence*. . . Oh yeah, he�s not here . . the white-haired dog boy is Inuyasha; he�s Fluffy-kun�s half-brother . . . .
IY: *nodds*
Neko: . . . . the little aqua-haired girl is Lai-Lai . . . .
XJo-Chan: Lai-Lai�s my hero!
Lai-Lai: *winks, gives peace sign* Nyan!
Neko: . . . . this . . . smiling psychopath is Soujirou . . . .
Soujirou: *smiling pleasantly* Hello!
Neko: . . . . and the black cat is Kuro-neko.
Kuro-neko: Meow.
Neko: And everyone else you already know. People of the Ghetto Bus, these two degenerates are Genki and Trin. (Chorus of "hi�s".)
(The bus, which has been moving, now begins to slow down again.)
MJ: Oh goody, another stop! I wonder who it�ll be this time . . . . (Everyone crowds around the door. The door opens. Chiriko trips and tumbles down the bus steps. Joyita, K-Chan�s younger sister, is sitting on a convenient park bench when Chiriko lands squarely in her lap.)
Joyita: My prayers have been answered! (Hugs Chiriko.) Waaaiii! Waaaiii! (Puts Chiriko inside a giant hamster ball; laughs and claps her hands.)
Tasuki: *aside to K-Chan* that�s almost as disturbing as Miroku turning gay.
XJo-Chan: But not have as disturbing as a certain person, who shall remain nameless . . . *coughs* Fluffy! *coughs* . . . singing "I�m a Little Teapot."
Fluffy: *glare*
Miroku: ANYWAY, now that we�re stopped, I�m going to go see if I can�t find Wolfwood. We got separated earlier and I haven�t seen him since. (As he exits.) And there might be someone around here who will bear my child . . . . (Collective sigh from the other cast members.)
Nuriko: Well, then, since his babe-hunting is bound to take a while, why don�t we all sit . . . (IY crashes to the floor.) . . . down and wait for him . . . .
IY: *who somehow has the rosary around his neck again* Hey! What the hell�s going on! I thought only Neko, M-Chan, and Sano had that power!
Naraku: (suddenly appears in the corner, chuckling in a sinister manner.) Ku ku ku ku ku . . . glad to see my curse is working. (Cackles.)
Trin: *aside to Neko* Um, who�s he?
Neko: Naraku. Bad guy, completely bonkers. Doesn�t like Inuyasha or Miroku very much. He�s the one that responsible for Miroku having that bottomless hole in his hand that I told you about.
Trin: Ah. *beat* Why is he wearing a baboon pelt?
Neko: *shrugs* Because he is, I dunno.
Naraku: *continuing* With my Insta-Pot o� Evil, I have cursed the rosary you wear, Inuyasha. Now EVERYONE can activate it�s power! Ku ku ku ku ku . . . . . (Vanishes.)
MJ: *shouts* Damnit, how many times do I have to say it?! NO SMOKING ON THE BUS!! *sigh; now quieter and puzzled* Oi, chotto matte. I thought the rosary was already cursed.
Neko: It was, but now . . . I guess it�s double-cursed or something.
Tani: Guess so. *sympathetic glance; to IY* Too bad, Inuyasha-kun.
K-Chan: *hugs him* Don�t worry, Inu-chan! Naraku�s off his rocker anyway. We�ll just have to be extra careful to avoid The Word.
Fluffy: *deliberately* Osuwari. (IY crashes to the floor.) Just desserts, brother. (Chuckles.)
("Miroku" walks up the bus stairs.)
Genki: Oh dear, that can�t be good.
"Miroku": Hi people, I�m back!
XJo-Chan: Oh dear God . . . .
Neko: *distraught* Oh no! Not again!
MJ: *aside to Genki and Trin* You guys might wanna . . . you know . . . (Nodds toward the back of the bus.) . . . This could
get ugly.
"Miroku": (sidles up to Fluffy; stands hipshot) Well, hello . . . .
Fluffy: Get away from me, monk.
"Miroku": (pets Fluffy�s tail) I�ll bet we have just oodles in common, you and I.
Fluffy: *Glare O� Death* I sincerely doubt that. Get your paws off my tail. ("Miroku" backs off.)
Nuriko: Yay! You�re back to your new self! (Hugs "Miroku".)
Lai-Lai: How strange . . . .
Tasuki: "Strange" ain�t the word . . . . I�d say downright bizarre, leaning towards frightening!
"Miroku": *to Nuriko* Oh you! (Giggles.)
Neko: *upset* OK, you know what? This isn�t funny anymore! You tricked us last time, but now it�s really getting old, so knock it off!
"Miroku": *confused* Eh? What are you talking about?
Neko: *getting more upset* Stop acting like . . . I dunno . . . Just be yourself!
"Miroku": But I am being myself.
Neko: *wails* I�m confuuuuused!
Tani: *getting a little angry* Cut that out, will you? We�re not going to fall for this attention-getting ploy anymore. OK, you�ve got our sympathy, but none of us are going to bear your child, so look elsewhere, you lecherous bastard!
"Miroku": *wide teary eyes* But . . . . I . . . . (Starts crying and runs off the bus.)
Nuriko: *decidedly not happy* There, he�s crying. Are you happy? (Storms off the bus.)
(The rest of the cast stands frozen in stunned silence. They have just witnessed several earth-shattering events: Fluffy being hit upon by a monk, Tani�s longest speech ever, and Nuriko acting like a soap opera day-player. Naturally, this leaves them all rather disturbed.)
Neko: *summing it up for everybody* I�m still confuuuuused!
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