I was thankful not to meet anyone as I made my way to the room I shared with Jean. I made a mental note to settle Alex in the boat house tomorrow. It hadn't been in use at the time I'd been kidnapped. Jean and I had decided to stay up at the mansion for the time being, to be closer to the team, since the team had become smaller in the last few years. I thought my brother might
be more comfortable with more privacy. I refused to give thought to the privacy it might provide the both of us. Tried hard not to consider my ulterior motives for giving him more privacy. I buried those thoughts deep as I stripped and fell into the bed.

But my dreams wouldn't let me bury those forbidding thoughts. I had him in my mouth, in my arms and in my body and the images swirled around until Alex was Remy and Remy was Alex and I was a part of them both. It was haunting and beautiful and tragic and I awoke with the thought that I had to keep Alex with me. For better or worse, I couldn't let him go. I wanted him too much. Needed just to be able to see him every day. But that was a lie. I needed much more than the sight of him.

I groaned and turned over in the darkened room. It was late at night. Jean was asleep beside me. But she opened her eyes when I rolled over and pulled me into her arms. We made love. It was a quiet and peaceful lovemaking. I felt tears on my face at the end and Jean kissed them away. I had missed her. And there was a part of me that was desperately glad I still found her
attractive. I'd been afraid that perhaps I wouldn't feel the arousal I'd once had for her and afraid that this would make me feel less than a man. But I couldn't for the life of me drive away the thoughts of what Remy had let me experience.

"You're thinking about him?" Jean said quietly. There was no judgment in her tone. No anger or jealousy. I sighed and turned onto my back.

"I was thinking how much I should tell you. I can't lie and tell you it was all torture." I looked over at her a little tentatively. But she only smiled and took my hand.

"It's all right," she murmured. "Tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. You don't have to tell me anything. I have some idea of what went on."

I shook my head. "I want you to know." I paused in thought and then said, "Everything. No secrets. Nothing hidden. I want you to understand how I felt." I turned on my side and cupped her cheek. "I love you, Jean. But I'm different now. Even more so than after Apocalypse. And God knows how hard it
was for you then."

"You too..." she started, but I shook my head to silence her.

"There are things that have happened that I'd never have dreamed of doing. Never. Things, that even if I had done, I never would have believed I would have enjoyed." I couldn't bring myself just then to say it. To say that I'd found pleasure in Remy's touches, found ecstasy in his bed and in the way he made me feel. "I want you to be able to understand why I might act out of
character. Why I can't spend the rest of my life burying these feelings, this incident. I would have fallen for him. I was so close. You have no idea how much I wanted to give in..." My voice choked on the words.

"Shhh..." Jean whispered. "It's okay. I know how powerful he is. How seductive. And I only spent a few days under his control." She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully for a moment. Then she said, "Show me, Scott. Open your mind to me. I want to see it and understand."

I nodded and she touched my mind with her telepathy. I could feel her thoughts slipping through the jumble of images until she found what she was looking for. That first night when I was taken from her, stripped, cuffed and collared. She watched through my eyes as Alex demonstrated his 'love' for Remy by sucking his cock. She gasped when Remy clamped the device around my own cock.

The images came faster and faster. The training, the stocks, my brother fucking my vulnerable mouth. She watched in horror as I was desensitized to men fucking other men. I felt her controlled jealousy towards Zaki, the one man I might have give myself to freely. I felt her anger toward Alex as he left me hungry that week, only allowed to be nourished by his seminal fluid.

And then that first night alone with Remy. The astonishing sensations I was forced to experience. Remy's empathy as well as his skill as a lover. I felt Jean try to hide the lust that was growing inside her as she watched me lose my virginity. Then she gave up. No secrets between us anymore. She was turned on.

But then she sobbed as I relived the memory of the whipping I'd received and she cursed Remy in my mind. And she cursed me for feeling as though I deserved it. I clung to her physical body asking forgiveness. And she gave it willingly because I needed it. Not because she felt there was anything to forgive.

I showed Jean everything that night. Every detail. Every fear, every thought, every aroused moment. And she watched it all, never turning away. I loved her courage. I couldn't imagine there were many people who'd be willing to sit through all the dirty painful memories of my ordeal. Especially a telepath of Jean's caliber who must have also felt all of it.

But she was human. And when she saw the last few moments I spent with Remy she broke down. "You did that for me. You would have obeyed him just to keep me safe." There was bitterness in her tone. "Damn him!" She snarled and sat up. "And damn you for making those promises!"

I flinched at her anger. "What was I supposed to do?" I asked bewildered. "What could I have honestly done? He wasn't about to kill me *or* let you go. Do you think I could have watched him rape you? Or have you whipped?"
Jean put her head in her hands. "I don't know. Oh God..." she choked out. "You would have loved him."

Sitting up I took her into my arms and let her cry. I cried a little myself. "Jean, it's over," I whispered into her hair. "We can't think about what might have happened. It didn't. Maybe...probably I would have fallen for him. But it's over now and I don't want to worry about what might have happened."

She nodded on my shoulder and then lifted her face to kiss me. She let go of herself then, drawing the breath out of me with her passion. Jean took me then with an aggression I'd never seen in her before. Her movements were wild, intoxicating. Her thoughts full of erotic images, images of me and Alex. I was shocked to realize how much of a turn on those images were to my wife. And a little bit jealous that she found my brother so attractive.

But the sex was better than I'd ever experienced with Jean. Remy had been correct when he had called me vanilla. Jean was all I'd ever wanted. More than I ever believed I deserved. And yet Remy had made me see how attractive I was to other people. And I imagine that gave me confidence to meet Jean's passion touch for touch.

Our lovemaking then became wild and desperate. Close to the point of violence, bordering on the need to draw blood, to hurt each other physically. But it was also intimate and personal. Our thoughts ran along the same paths. Open and vulnerable. And it was nasty and so sexy. Jean said things to me I never would have believed would have come out of her mouth if I hadn't heard them first hand, snarled in my ear.

"I want to fuck you, Scott," she said between gritted teeth. "I'd like to tie you to our bed and ride you over and over." And then she smiled wickedly, so incredibly seductively that I nearly came right then and there. "I'd like to do that while you sucked Alex's cock."

I groaned and threw her off of me and back onto the bed. Then I began to thrust into her hard and fast. Her words drove me insane. "Fuck me, Scott! I'll make you forget him. I'll show you what *I* can do. What I've been afraid to show you."

And she did show me. All her dark, dirty fantasies. We battled for control then, mentally and physically. And in the end we were closer than we'd ever been. We'd seen each other's darker side and yet we loved each other still.

What I was certain would drive Jean and I apart actually drew us closer together. And I found to my relief, once we'd been sated and were holding each other tightly, drifting in the afterglow, that Jean now wanted Alex to stay as much as I did. After the passion I'd experienced with Jean I didn't feel jealous toward Alex any longer because of my wife's attraction to him.
He needed me. And he would now have her support too.

So Alex stayed. Whether or not we invited him into our bed and whether or not he'd accept remained to be seen. But Jean never begrudged the time I spent with Alex. Nor the intimacy we shared just on the edge of sex. Sometimes at night she would even send me out to the boat house to soothe Alex when she felt him in the throes of a nightmare. I let her into my mind whenever this happened. Perhaps it was a sick kind of voyeurism. But it felt wonderful to have her there, giving advice, sympathy and understanding.

If Alex ever noticed, he didn't say. But as the weeks went by he seemed happier. Less quiet. Jean drew him out when he tried to escape into his solitude. I kept him company in that solitude.

Things returned to normal. Or as normal as it could be for the X-men. As normal as it could be once the others began to have some idea of what Alex and I had gone through. Nathan stayed for a week after I'd returned and we talked about all that had happened. I let him into a few of my thoughts. And like Jean he didn't judge me for the changes that had been brought about or
my newfound intimacy with my brother. But too soon he was needed in New York. We promised to keep in touch as we always did, but we both knew how difficult that would be. I missed him when he left. And like all fathers feared for his safety, even though he was older than me.

Xavier was contacted. And even across the light years I could feel his relief and love. He would be coming home soon, he promised, but wanted to spend some time with Lilandra. I told him to take as much time as he wanted. I wasn't eager to let him know all that had happened. And I knew he'd want me to tell him everything. To understand it like a father and offer comfort where he could. He'd never probe my mind without my say so. But he'd see the signs of intimacy between Alex and me much easier than the rest of the X-men and I wasn't sure that he'd approve.

It was much harder to talk to Corsair, to my real father. I had to fend off his questions with vague answers and eventually he realized I wasn't going to say much about what had happened, so he dropped the matter.

"I'm glad you're safe, Scott," he said at the end. "And Alex too. I'll see you both when I bring Xavier home."

Inwardly I cringed. Not for me so much as for Alex. He hadn't wanted to speak to Corsair. Not this soon. I'd made some excuse for him when I'd gotten in touch with Corsair and Xavier. I'm fairly certain my father knew it was an excuse. And now I was being vague. So out of some ingrained familial feeling of obligation he was going to put in an appearance and personally make certain his sons were okay. I had to wonder how he'd feel when he found out his sons, having spent the better part of the year as naked collared pleasure slaves, still engaged in an intimacy that would outrage most of the world. I was cynical to say the least.

But I was thankful for his concern. We'd grown closer since I'd returned from the dead all those years ago, reemerging from underneath Apocalypse's control. And I knew now that he was concerned. Genuinely concerned. I don't think Alex understood this quite so well. Corsair hadn't been able to get back to Earth when Alex had returned from the dead, and while they'd had a
chance to talk to each other through Sh'iar technology, I think Alex resented his absence. There was an unspoken tension. 'You could come home for Scott, but not me.' But to give Alex credit, he did understand that Corsair was in the middle of a decisive battle with rebel Sh'iar and would come as soon as he was able, providing he didn't get killed. Unfortunately, one battle led to
another and another and then time just slipped away with my father unable, unwilling, or forgetting that he had a son who still wanted to see him.

Well, now he was coming and I could see the sparks that would fly between the two. Corsair could always make time for his eldest son. Alex having been kidnapped was only incidental. Even Xavier hadn't gone in search of Alex until I came up missing too. And truth be told, I shared some of this guilt. I'd only made cursory attempts to find Alex. Xavier had used Cerebro to try
and locate him. But we'd both maintained that cavalier attitude that he'd just turn up again.

Alex never mentioned any of this. All these thoughts came to me out of my own fears. I knew some of it would be true. But Alex was no longer my hot-tempered brother. And what I really began to fear as the days passed were the sparks that *wouldn't* fly when my father came home with Xavier. Alex might simply avoid my father and his questions. And that seemed more dangerous to me than him showing Corsair resentment at his neglect. My brother was quiet now. Sometimes too quiet. And sometimes even Jean and I couldn't draw him out. It wasn't necessarily depression. It was a stoicism. As if he were just putting up with life. Putting it on hold. Waiting for something to happen.

Even Logan mentioned the change. He'd started going up to the boat house almost as often as I did, usually carrying a six pack. I have to admit I was worried, in a jealous way. From my jaded perspective I began to question most men's sexual orientation. Logan came under my scrutiny often enough and I worried that perhaps he and Alex might have become lovers. There was no
proof. But the feeling stayed with me until I finally accepted that Alex might want more than me. That he might turn to someone else for comfort, just as I had Jean.

But Logan put my fears to rest not long after I'd returned from Genosha. He was waiting for me outside the Danger Room one evening. He'd just come from the boat house.

"Your brother's quiet, Cyke," he said without preamble. "Not the Havok we use to know."

I said nothing at first, just headed to the locker room and began to strip out of my uniform. Logan followed me and stood by without a word.

"He's been through a lot," I finally offered.

Logan snorted. "No kidding." Then he grew sober. "But he's been through a lot before and still managed to keep that temper of his. Now I can't even get much of a rise out of him."

I turned and looked at Logan wishing not for the first time I wasn't wearing my protective visor. Then he could see the seriousness, the silent warning I was giving him. "This is different."

"How?" Logan pressed. "How's it any different from any other time he's been kidnapped and tortured?"

"Because he's never been raped before," I snapped. "You want to help Alex? Then leave it alone. If he wants to talk, he'll talk."

Logan had stepped back a bit with his eyes a little more open when I'd mentioned rape. He knew what had gone on, at least vaguely understood how Remy had used us. But I had ever been so direct with him about what had happened. And apparently Alex hadn't either. Now he was nodding. "So it's true?"

"What did you think?" I asked, narrowing my eyes, sarcasm lacing my voice. "You think Gambit's clone needed any information about the X-men? He was already imprinted with most of Gambit's memories. He had all the information he needed. He just wanted Alex and me around to fuck or watch us fuck each other. He wanted the matching set." I changed my tone trying to imitate Remy's, the first day I was on my knees in front him. "You can' eat just one, non?"

Logan's eyes widened and he shook his head. "Jesus!"

"Yeah. Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Alex had to control that temper of his to protect Lorna. If Remy taught him one thing, it was control." I knew Logan was only trying to help, but his prying had set me on edge, making me defensive even though I'd felt some satisfaction knowing that Alex hadn't been confiding in him. But it was that defensiveness that led me
to add, "And how to give great head."

"Christ, Scott!" Logan snarled. "He's your brother for Christ's sake!"

I felt the anger and defensiveness rush out of me. "Just leave it alone, Logan. I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it. But this kind of shit takes more to get over than a six pack and conversation. If Alex wants to talk about it, he will." I turned away for a moment to grab a towel from my locker when I realized suddenly that I had been standing naked in front of
Logan for the last five minutes without even being aware. Quickly I wrapped the towel around my waist with a sigh. Then I turned back to Logan. His fists were balled up and I could see a tight muscle twitching in his jaw. Carefully I placed a hand on his shoulder.

"He needs you just to be there. To accept the changes that have been forced on him. I know he's grateful for it." Alex had mentioned Logan's attentiveness often enough to rouse a good deal of jealousy in me. I'd tried to feel Alex out at those times to find out if he and Logan were lovers. But he'd skillfully avoided giving anything away. Now I was sure that they weren't. Logan wouldn't have sought me out if they'd become intimate. He'd have been more direct with Alex. And now I felt I could afford to be kind.

"And *I'm* grateful to you for it. That you don't judge him. That you're concerned. I never realized how much you cared about my brother."

Logan's eyes shifted nervously and he began to look a little embarrassed. "Yeah, well, we had a history and all. He's a good kid." Suddenly I didn't feel so sure of Logan and Alex. I was so close to asking him what that history entailed. So close to asking him if they had been or were now lovers. But it wouldn't have been fair to either of them. If they wanted me to know
they would have told me. So I patted Logan's shoulder and walked into the shower stall, thankful that he didn't follow me.

And Gambit? I rarely saw him, for which I was relieved. Actually I should say I pretty much avoided him. But I thought I about him often enough. I was curious about the time he spent in Sinister's lab. Between Alex, him and me, I'm sure Gambit had the most painful time. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like. No doubt Sinister took a great deal of pleasure subjecting
him to one experiment after another. He was as fascinated with Gambit as he had been with me at one time. He'd used him to begin the Morlock Massacre, and who knew but Gambit what else he'd roped him into.

But I couldn't ask Gambit about his ordeal. I could barely call him Remy when I did see him. I don't think he would have told me anyway. So we avoided each other. I'd see him in Danger Room practices and mission debriefings. We worked missions together. I'd give him orders that he never questioned. But that was the extent of our conversations. I gave orders, he made some snappy comment. We'd discuss missions and their outcomes. But always in a group setting. Always with other X-men around. At down times I only saw him once in a while at dinner or occasionally in the rec room playing pool with one of
the others. I think he spent most of his time with Rogue when he was at the mansion. I never asked.

But one night, about two weeks after I'd returned, I was sitting in the rec room half watching an old movie. Jean and Ororo had gone into New York City for the day. They'd just called to say they'd be home late after deciding to try out one of the hip new restaurants. Most of the others had gone out also. Alex had waved off any offers to go out. He was in one of his really somber
moods and just wanted to be left alone. I agreed, but every so often I'd go down to the boat house to check on him, or call him from the mansion. He never failed to pick up the phone and say, "I'm fine, Scott. No bad thoughts." Henry was of course down in the lab. So I thought I was basically on my own in the upper part of the house when Gambit sauntered in.

The moment I saw him I pulled myself out of my slumped position on the couch and felt my body tense into battle readiness. But when he dropped gracefully into one of the easy chairs a twinge of guilt went through me. I didn't trust him not to start something. I'd never really trusted him.

"Watchu watchin', Scott?" He asked, not a hint of unease in his voice.

I cleared my throat, choking back my nervousness. "Some old movie. I'm not really watching it if you want the remote."

"Non," he replied.

I blew out a quiet breath, not sure if it would be rude to get up and walk out. Not really sure if I wanted to walk away. So I sat perched for a quick retreat and waited. He just sat there, one leg thrown over an arm of the chair, the side of his head resting on his hand with his elbow resting on the other arm of the chair. There wasn't a noticeable trace of discomfort in his body language as he sat there watching the TV. For once I was grateful for the visor. I could watch him without him being aware. Or so I thought.

"Watchu looking at, Scott?" He asked suddenly, quietly.

I sat back startled. "Sorry," I mumbled and got up. That was my exit cue.

But he stood up and blocked my exit so fast it made my head spin. I stepped back away from him, my heart racing and the palms of my hands starting to sweat.

"You tryin' to tell de difference 'tween us, cher?" I drew in a sharp breath at the word 'cher', but couldn't say a word. "You want to know if we look 'xactly alike, talk 'xactly alike, kiss de same way...fuck de same way?" There was barely concealed violence in his tone and I had to admit I was afraid. Not of what Gambit might do, but of how I might react.

"Gambit..." I started, trying to defuse his anger. It only heightened the tension.

"De names Remy, hein. I'm de original. Try not to forget dat."

"Remy..." I began again in almost a whisper.

"You didn' kill him," Gambit interrupted. "Whatchu do wit' him?"

"He's..." I stopped when I realized I was about to tell Gambit that his clone was safe. Not a good choice of words at the moment. "He's been taken care of. Constantine took charge of him. He's been fitted with an inhibitor collar."

"And you t'ink dat's gonna hold him?"

I nodded. "I think so. I have no reason not to. But even if he gets out of that, there are only two functioning portals left. He won't get back here."

Gambit snorted. "And dat's supposed to comfort me?"

I felt frustration welling up in me. "What do you want from me? I'm not going to kill him." I could have given Gambit the cliche answer, that my killing Remy would just lower me to his standards. But instead I gave him the most honest answer I'd given anyone with the exception of Jean and Alex. "I can't. I'm sorry. I don't want him dead."

He looked at me with narrowed eyes for a few moments and then said, "D'ccord." I watched the tension drain out of him all of a sudden. "Den I'll leave him be. But if he ever crosses m'path, I *will* kill him."

"Fine," I replied, some of my own frustration easing. "But I'll stop you if you attempt it while I'm around."

"You can try." Gambit smiled and I felt the breath go out of me. It was a look so like my Remy that I almost fell to my knees, the compulsion to serve him was so strong. I closed my eyes clenching my fists. When I opened them again he was looking at me with a smug curiosity.

"How could you ever t'ink I'd keep slaves? I grew up pretty much like one on de streets of New Orleans. I know what it's like to be a slave," he said. "And I know what it's like to be raped by a man. Ain' many men I'd be willing to fuck dese days."

I swallowed. "Look, I'm sorry. He looks just like you. He's got your smile, your arrogance, your confidence." Remy snorted. "He sounds like you. And he knew things about the X-men that you'd know. Whether or not he fucks like you, well, I couldn't say."

He chuckled at that. "Not gonna find out any time soon, homme." I barked out a laugh, glad that the tension had eased. We wouldn't be bosom buddies. We'd probably still avoid each other for the most part. But at least we might not be so on edge around each other when we did cross paths.

Gambit grinned suddenly and asked, "So am I as good as I'm always sayin'?"

"Better," I replied without thinking.

His eyes widened in shock and I sputtered. "I mean...that is..."

He waved a hand. "Non. I don' want to know anymore." Then he laughed. "Guess it's in de genes, eh?"

I gave an almost childlike nod and Gambit turned to go.

"I'm sorry, " I said, causing him to turn back around. "I'm sorry about Sinister and all the shit you had to go through for so long. And I'm sorry for that clone leaving you in his place."

He waved another dismissing hand. "Not your fault, homme. Sinister's de evil bastard dat started all dis." Gambit winked and added, "But he's been taken care of. Permanently."

I shook my head. I didn't want to know. But a sense of relief washed over me with the knowledge that Sinister might be out of our lives for good. Still, I had to make amends. "We should have looked harder for you. We shouldn't have just assumed you'd turn back up. I'm sorry for that. Storm kept looking. But the rest of us..."

"Forget it, Cyke. You *should* 'ave looked harder. But even den I doubt you would 'ave found me. De Neo really put a fright on Sinister. I never seen him so paranoid. Dey destroyed over half his labs and his research." Gambit spat the last word out as if it were poison. "So he had to rebuild. He moved everyt'ing he had left into one lab and den put most of his efforts into
security. It was so tight it took *me* five years to get out."

"Regardless, we...I haven't always been very...loyal to you. Or my brother," I added. "I mean we don't put a great deal of effort into finding our people when they go missing. We just figure they'll turn up eventually. I should have been looking for you and Alex a whole lot harder."

"Well, maybe dis'll be de wake up call, non? Maybe you'll trust Gambit a little more too, eh?"

"Yeah. Maybe I will." I smiled at him.

"'Course," he added, "I 'aven't been de most trustwort'y person on dis team. Maybe dis was some cosmic penance for all de sins of my past."

"No!" I snapped. "You didn't deserve being under Sinister's control anymore than Alex and I deserved being slaves." I reached out suddenly and grabbed Gambit's shoulder. "You're a good man, Remy. That clone may look like you and have a lot of your mannerisms. But he's a poor copy to the original."

"Would you say dat to de clone?" Remy pressed.

"No," I admitted. No I wouldn't say that because I was still half in love with the idea of my Remy. But I couldn't say that to Gambit. Instead I said, "No. I was conditioned not to say things like that to him. I wouldn't risk the punishment."

With relief I noticed that Gambit seemed to accept this as he nodded. We stood there quietly looking at each other. The silence became awkward after a moment and I saw to my embarrassment that I still had my hand on his shoulder. I dropped it immediately.

"Well," I breathed.

Without warning Gambit stepped forward and laid a hand on my cheek. "You fell in love wit' him, didn' you?"

The air went out of me. "How?" I managed to say.

"I can feel your love for Jean. When you talk about de clone, de feeling I get is similar. And after all he done to you, you still can' kill him."

"I was so close," I whispered. "If you hadn't arrived when you did, I might have been protecting him from you. He was so seductive, addicting." I leaned into Gambit's caress. "Can you do that? Can you make someone fall in love with you?"

"I wouldn't," Gambit said quietly.

"But could you?" His fingers lightly brushed my skin and I closed my eyes, biting back a soft moan. I could feel myself getting hard. But I wasn't sure if Gambit was using some of his power or if I was aroused by my own imagination. "Could you?" I asked again.

"Oui," he said. "I could. But I wouldn't." He moved closer and could feel his breath on my lips. "I won't." Then he bent forward and brushed his lips against mine. There was nothing I could do but open my lips up to him. And it was my Remy. His kiss awoke all the feelings once again, leaving me helpless against the onslaught. I let him pull me close, felt his arousal against my
thigh, felt his hands settle on my ass, stroking, kneading urgently. He was as wonderful and as tender as my own Remy and I groaned into the kiss.

But then Gambit pulled away and reached to caress my cheek again, running the knuckles over the skin, causing me to shiver. "But I won't," he murmured. "As tempting as dat is, dat's not me. Dat clone's got good taste, t'ough." He smiled disarmingly causing me to grin. "Must be in de DNA." He dropped his hand and stepped back. "Just wanted to make sure you recognized de difference."

I laughed and he walked away calling over his shoulder, "don' you forget it, mon ami." It was several weeks before I saw him again.