Rodney followed after Sheppard for a few steps, pulling awkwardly at his sleeve before veering off and heading for his quarters. He was pretty sure he�d pulled it off, making both Weir and Sheppard think that all was well. In truth, most of his report was true and he supposed things could have been worse�but really, he didn�t feel close to as fine as he�d insinuated.
Sure, he had enjoyed a good meal, finally, but his clothing had dried stiff and scratchy and God, if he wasn�t still freezing. Already he could feel the pressure building in his sinuses. Of course, he�d known the rain would make him sick, he�d said as much.
Near the transport, McKay passed a small cluster of soldiers and, after only a brief second of eye contact, looked away, busying himself again with the bandage on his arm. He didn�t want to see anything in their expressions. Didn�t want to face their judgments. He just needed to get to his quarters.
He heard whispering as the transporter doors snicked closed behind him. Oh God, they did already know.
He made his way to his quarters, carefully avoiding conversation or even further eye contact with anyone else. He had a plan. If someone tried to stop him, he�d just claim exhaustion. It wasn�t like it wasn�t true. The storm was over, the threat was gone and nothing in the lab was currently important enough to require any attention. No one needed him.
It wasn�t until the door to his room slid closed securely that he let out a long low sigh. He flopped onto his bed, ignoring the pain that flared across his lower back and closed his eyes--only to see and feel the genii soldier pressing the blade into the skin of his arm�and jolted upright again.
�Damn it.�
A hot shower, that would do the trick. He�d relax in a hot shower, grab a snack and then force himself to put the last twenty-four plus hours behind him. He had to move on�he would move on.
Moving with determination, Rodney unwrapped his bandaged arm, thankful again that his silly and unorthodox wrap had had the desired effect, humor instead of concern. If Sheppard and Weir could be distracted by the obvious haphazard first aid attempt, they wouldn�t pry as to its seriousness.
The bandage had pressed his shirt and jacket sleeve against the wound and without thinking; he pulled it away quickly. He hissed, biting his lower lip and jumping around in a tiny circle at the painful sting. Carefully he eased out of both layers of clothing.
It didn�t surprise him to be bleeding again. Mesmerized, he stared for a moment at the three deep cuts along the fleshy part of his arm right below his elbow. Just three cuts. That was all it had taken for him to blabber out the entire plan to save Atlantis�three damn cuts.
Blood seeped out and bright red drops rolled across his pale skin leaving uneven trails behind. It wasn�t until he realized he was dripping all over the floor that he quickly grabbed his wadded up shirt and pressed it to the wounds again. Another hiss escaped between his teeth but this time he was spurred into constructive motion.
Moving to his bathroom, he turned on the shower, tossing the shirt aside and letting the water run hot before he quickly stripped and stepped in. He pushed away the memories of hurricane force rains beating at him as he turned his face into the forceful hot spray. He ignored the pink water swirling at his feet and tried to let the shower relax him. He let the spray massage his face where Kolya had smacked him, trying to shove the memory of the pain and humiliation away. He wanted to forget it all.
McKay didn�t stay under the water long, not as long as he would have liked anyway. Instead, once he convinced himself he felt warm, he stepped out and quickly dried off, wrapping one towel around his waist and using another to blot his arm. Common sense told him he needed stitches but Beckett was in no shape to be bothered with something so trivial right now and the rest of the medical staff were too busy trying to put the place back together after Kolya�s ransacking.
Another wave of guilt and shame washed through him. He�d almost sacrificed the doctor and Teyla to save the city; he�d been ready to. He sneered at his blurry, distorted reflection in the fogged mirror. �What kind of man are you?� he questioned harshly.
Fighting the rolling emotions inside, he turned away, no longer willing to look at himself. He hurriedly re-bandaged his arm, the proper way this time, and dressed in warm sweatpants before crawling into bed. He closed his eyes, struggling to think of anything but the memories that assaulted him and longed to sleep.
*******************************
Sheppard dropped his tray onto the table beside Elizabeth�s and pulled out a chair.
�You look better,� he commented before digging into his supper.
Elizabeth smiled wryly and leaned back, her hands wrapped around a mug of steaming tea. �Well, a hot shower, clean clothes, a nap and a warm meal helped.�
�No kidding.� John chewed a bite of his meal, wondering curiously what it was and glanced around the mess hall.
The hall was virtually deserted, the hour being late. Several tables over, he noted Stackhouse and Dunne chatting casually with Zelenka.
�Everyone seems to be recovering quickly.�
Elizabeth was talking; he realized and turned his attention back to her. �Yeah. Course most of them weren�t even aware of our adventures.�
�Adventures?� She arched an eyebrow, giving him a look that clearly suggested he was crazy.
�I didn�t say they were good,� he defended, smiling at her light laugh. �But they were definitely adventures.�
�Oh?�
�Sure, every adrenaline junkie�s dream.�
Weir shook her head. �Then I�m no junkie.�
�That�s probably a good thing.� He shoveled a mouthful of something akin to potatoes into his mouth. �I much prefer something more�predictable than a crazy commander and ticked off Mother Nature, but we got though it�all three of us.�
�Yes, we did. Have you seen Rodney?� Elizabeth asked, suddenly changing the subject. Her voice had softened, the humor gone.
�No. Why?� John looked around the room again looking for McKay. �Said he was fine.�
�I know.� Weir played with her mug, turning it round and round in her hands.
�But�� He dragged the word out, sensing there was more she wanted to say.
She shrugged. �It�s just not like him to miss a meal.� She shivered as if a chill swept over her, and he watched her fingers tighten around the cup.
�What?� He pushed his tray back and leaned forward onto his elbows, turning to face her fully and resting his face against his hands, attentive to the worry in her tone and tension in her posture.
Elizabeth met his gaze and looked away again, refocusing on her cup, trying not to reveal so much of the fear she still felt.
�Elizabeth.� It was almost an admonishment, but the whisper got to her.
�Kolya was�� Her voice faded and John remembered the look in her eyes as the Genii Commander dragged her toward the gate. He waited for her to continue on her own.
�Cold. Methodical. Brutal.� The words came quickly. �He was going to take the city at all costs.�
�But he didn�t,� John reminded, somehow thankful that Weir hadn�t been able to see the things he�d done to the Genii when he�d thought she was dead. �You and McKay talked some sense into him.�
Weir snorted and angrily set her mug on the table. Tea splashed her fingers. �That was pure luck and timing. If you and Lt. Ford hadn�t shown up when you did, heaven knows what we�d be forced��
He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing lightly and interrupting her. �Stop. It didn�t happen. You and McKay and the rest of us are all safe. It is over.�
Slowly Elizabeth gave an accepting nod. �I just hope Rodney is really as okay as he says he is,� she said after a deep calming breath.
�What do you mean?� John let go of her hand, casually settling back in his chair again. �He really did seem well�normal.� He grinned remembering McKay�s short, mostly self-focused summary of how things were. �What happened to his arm anyway?� he asked curiously. He remembered the chunky looking bandage, but didn�t recall any explanation for it.
Elizabeth stiffened again, her eyes darkening. �I- I�m not positive.� She picked up her tea again but only stared at the cooling drink. �Kolya sent me to show the others where to find the Med Lab and the wraith data device. When I got back�Rodney was bleeding and going on about telling Kolya the plan. He said he tried not to tell him, John.�
�He what?� Sheppard�s voice dropped to a harsh whisper.
She looked at him surprised at his tone. �He felt so bad, and then he went and stepped in front of Kolya�s gun to protect me and��
�No,� John cut her off as her she grew more defensive. �Kolya, what did he do to Rodney?� John�s mind was reeling. Had Kolya really tortured Rodney for the plan? The possibility hadn�t even crossed Sheppard�s mind.
�Cut him, I guess. I wasn�t there and there wasn�t any real time to check his arm before Kolya dragged us to the grounding station.�
�But Rodney was okay?�
�Enough to go on and fix everything he needed to. He didn�t complain at all.�
That fact alone frightened John. McKay was always complaining. He took a deep breath trying to control his anger. �What else did Commander Kolya do to you two?�
Elizabeth shook her head wearily. �Threats mostly. At one point, I did think he was going to shove Rodney over the rail, but again Rodney reminded him that he needed us.�
�How�d he do that?�
She smiled. �Lied. Told Kolya he needed my codes.�
�Smart.�
�He is the genius.�
John looked at her and grinned. �So he likes to remind us. Do you want me to check on him?�
Weir thought for a moment then shook her head. �No, he�d let someone know if he needed something.� She smiled again, faintly. �I think, maybe, I�m just caught up in my own feeling about what happened. Like you said though, I�ll be okay.�
�Alright, then.� John watched silently as she stood and cleared her stuff. He hoped she was right about McKay seeking help if needed, and wondered if there was anything else he hadn�t been told concerning Weir and McKay�s time with Kolya.
*************************************
Rodney stared at the barrel of Kolya�s gun, his panic rising as he watched the commander decide whether or not to spare Elizabeth�s life. He knew he was dreaming, even as his fear and emotions collided in a rush of frantic words. He could remember that it was all over, but the panic continued, his heart beating faster. It was pounding now, louder. Louder. Louder.
McKay sat up, startled and gasping. Pain ripped through his lower back and his arm throbbed, reminding him once more that the nightmare had definitely been real. Surprised, he realized the pounding continued. It took a moment for him to recognize the noise for what it was, someone was banging on the door.
�What?� he croaked, groggily. It�d taken forever to get to sleep and even then, his rest had been fitful. Now it felt like his head was trapped in a vise, and he winced when the banging began again. Pushing back his covers, he slowly crawled out of the warm bed. �I�m coming.�
He staggered a step, dizziness making the room tilt around him as he punched the panel and the door swept open revealing Sheppard with his hand raised to knock again.
�What do you want?� Rodney demanded swaying slightly.
John dropped his hand back to his side, surprise flashing across his face. It was quickly replaced with anger. �What happened to you?�
Rodney stiffened defensively, his chin lifting in defiance. Sheppard watched in amazement as the dull, glassy eyes sparked to life. �Well gee, I don�t know. I believe I spent the last day and half trying to help save this city from a monster hurricane. Not to mention being dragged around in said storm by a deranged Genii commander intent on killing me at his first opportunity. You know, that or turning me into a slave for his people� I was tired. I went to bed.�
John frowned. �That�s not what I meant. What happened to your face?�
�My face?�
�Yeah, your face.� Sheppard let himself into the room, gently pushing Rodney out of the way so the door could close behind him.
McKay�s hands were flitting around his face, searching for the problem. He winced slightly as his fingers grazed his cheekbone.
�Nothing. Nothing.� He blushed, remembering.
John turned and crossed his arms over his chest. �Nothing?� The bruise darkly stretched from McKay�s cheek to his eye.
�I don�t know. I just told you my day was a little frantic. You expect me to remember everything?� McKay looked around. �Did I say you could come in?�
The Major smiled mischievously. �Didn�t say I couldn�t.�
�Hmm.� Rodney�s frown deepened. �What do you want?� he demanded again, suddenly self-conscious about standing half dressed in front of Sheppard. He crossed his arms, mirroring Sheppard�s stance, but hissed sharply as the cuts on his arm flared. He dropped his hands to his sides quickly.
�Just thought I�d check to see how you�re doing. It was a long day, after all.� He frowned, watching McKay jitter around, noting the red stained bandage.
�How�s the arm?�
Rodney huffed and moved toward his desk. A sweatshirt was draped over the chair. �It�s fine.�
�Have you�� John caught sight of the wide purple bruise stretching across Rodney�s back. His anger deepened. �Been able to see Carson yet?� he managed to finish his question.
�How�s Beckett doing?� Rodney avoided answering. Awkwardly he slipped into his sweatshirt, biting his lip to hold in another hiss.
�Bit of a headache, but he�s blustering around the Med Lab already, cursing about missing supplies and such. He gets harder to understand the more worked up he gets.�
�I�ve noticed that.�
A tense silence settled between them, as Sheppard continued to watch McKay and McKay tried to avoid eye contact.
What was John really here for? When was he going to start in about the importance of keeping one�s mouth shut even under duress? McKay couldn�t look at the Major. Unlike the other military on Atlantis, John was different. He was a leader. A leader who�d picked Rodney for his team and he was almost what Rodney considered a friend. To see his disappointment� He could already sense Sheppard�s anger and right now he didn�t feel up to defending himself. He knew he�d screwed up. Wasn�t it enough knowing that and knowing everyone else on base knew it, too? He didn�t need to discuss it.
�Look��
�Rodney��
Both started and stopped. McKay absently rubbed his aching head and Sheppard quickly noted the Doctor was trembling, and very pale.
�When�s the last time you ate?� John asked looking around for any sign that McKay had eaten in his quarters.
Rodney frowned. �I don�t know�dinner I think.�
Sheppard spotted McKay�s pack. �Sit down.� He motioned to the chair and grabbed the bag, rummaging quickly through it until he found an energy bar.
�Huh?� McKay seemed confused as John ripped open the snack and shoved it into his hands.
�Eat,� Sheppard ordered.
�Fine. Fine. You don�t need to be so pushy about it.� Rodney took a bite and chewed slowly. �I�m not hungry.�
John sat on the edge of the bed and shook his head. �You�re always hungry.�
�I�m hyperglycemic,� McKay reminded defensively.
�Exactly.�
Rodney�s eyes widened. �Oh.�
�Yeah, oh. Listen, McKay. I need to talk to you.� John leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, but sat back up when Rodney tossed his energy bar onto the desk and stood quickly beginning to pace.
�I know. I know. I should have been able to keep my mouth shut with Kolya. I should have been able to apply some sort of mind over matter type theory. Or or recite the periodic table of elements or anything really. I should have done anything but tell him the plan to save Atlantis and instead that�s exactly what I did.�
John�s eyes widened as he listened to Rodney�s frantic rant.
�Rodney.� He tried to get the physicists attention.
�I tried not to tell.�
�McKay.�
�I should have been able to just shut up.�
�Rodney.�
�But I can never keep my big mouth closed. Why can�t I learn to at least..."
�Shut up!� John shouted and Rodney froze, his mouth opening and closing like he still wanted to speak. �Thank you. Now, sit.�
McKay blinked.
�Sit.� John growled.
�I�
�Ah ah.� Sheppard put up his hand cutting Rodney off. �Just sit and listen.�
Rodney started back to his chair and stopped, waves of dizziness suddenly sweeping over him. �Uh, John?�
�What?� Sheppard closed his eyes exasperated. Could the man never do what he was told? He opened his eyes in time to see Rodney�s knees buckle. �Oh crap.�
**************************************
�Come on, McKay. Open those eyes for me.� Major Sheppard�s voice broke through the dark and dragged Rodney into a foggy consciousness.
�Wha?�
�You fainted.� John�s face loomed above him.
�Passed out.� Rodney closed his eyes again, embarrassment rolling through him. This was not what he needed, not now.
�No. No, you don�t. Stay awake.� John reached under Rodney�s shoulders and half-pushed, half�lifted the scientist up into a sitting position, scooting in behind him to keep him upright. �Carson�s on his way; just stay awake.�
�Carson?� McKay slurred the name slightly. �Why?� Man, his head felt heavy. He could have sworn someone was ringing a gong.
�Because I�m guessing you were an idiot and forgot to eat yesterday.�
�Was busy.� Rodney�s head lolled back onto Sheppard�s shoulder.
�Eh. Eh. That�s not going to work, McKay. Up you go.� Scrambling carefully, John managed to get them both to their feet.
Rodney�s brain finally registered that the Major was supporting him and he recoiled, his embarrassment consuming him. �I�m up. I�m up,� he insisted grumpily, swaying but managing to stay standing under his own fragile power. He ran one hand over his face, rubbing at his forehead. �My head hurts,� he murmured.
�Yeah and you did a number on your arm again, too. You�re bleeding.� John pointed to the blood slowly seeping through McKay�s sweatshirt. �How bad is that cut?�
�Cuts.� Rodney looked blankly at his injured arm.
�Cuts?� Sheppard�s concern deepened. �Rodney.� He started toward the physicist, but McKay backed away, not looking at him. �Rodney?�
A loud knock startled both men. �Major Sheppard? Dr. McKay?� The Scottish brogue was unmistakable. Quickly John let Beckett into the small quarters, motioning to McKay.
�What happened?� Beckett moved easily, a small grimace the only sign that his injury might still be bothering him. He set his med kit on the bed. �You said he passed out.�
�He did. Briefly. I think he forgot to eat.�
�He forgot to eat?� Carson looked from John to Rodney in disbelief. �Does he have anything here?�
�You can ask me. I�m standing right here.� Rodney protested.
�There�s an energy bar on the desk. He had about one bite before he hit the ground.�
�Again. Right here.�
�Rodney, sit down and eat.� Beckett pointed toward the desk. �You need to get something into your system now.�
�Really I think you two are��
�Sit.� Sheppard ordered sharply.
Rodney glared but moved to the desk. �You don�t have to get snippy.� He grabbed the snack bar and sat down in the chair trying not to show how relieved he was to be sitting.
�His arm,� John pointed out quietly.
Carson�s eyes widened and he moved to McKay�s side.
�It�s fine,� Rodney mumbled, his mouth full. He didn�t want anyone looking at him or touching him. He just needed to eat and be left alone.
�McKay.� Sheppard growled. �Take your shirt off.�
Rodney�s temper flared suddenly and he jumped back to his feet, slamming the energy bar onto the desk. �I will not take my shirt off. No one invited you in here to order me around. I can tend to my arm just fine. All I really need is a decent meal, to be left alone and��
Sheppard stepped closer. �Take it off or I�ll cut it off.�
Tension radiated between the two men as neither backed down.
�Rodney.� Carson stepped between them. �Just give me two minutes.�
McKay paled at Beckett�s words, his mind jumping to the memory of frantically trying to raise Atlantis� shield. Lt. Ford shouting at him and then Sheppard�s harsh order to give Carson and Teyla more time to get to the control room.
�Fine,� he rasped, his voice failing him. Clumsily he fumbled with the sweatshirt, ripping it over his head and flinging it across the room. He swayed precariously, but Caron steadied him and easily steered him back to the chair. The room was quiet as the doctor worked quickly to unwrap Rodney�s bandage.
McKay sat stiffly, hating the feel of Carson�s hands on his skin. If only Beckett knew how close he�d come to dying because of his rush to save the city. The thoughts wouldn�t stop. They stomped through his head, reminding him over and over of his guilt. He tried not to flinch as Beckett pulled the white gauze off of the oozing cuts.
�How did this happen?� Carson asked. When Rodney didn�t answer, the doctor looked at Sheppard for an explanation but the Major just shook his head.
John stared, knowing he should give Beckett some kind of answer, but his anger choked him. There were three deep cuts on McKay�s arm, three, damn it. He wanted to shoot Kolya all over again, wanted to watch the life fade out of the bastard�s eyes.
Carson sighed wearily. �You need stitches.� His brogue was thick, his voice barely more than a whisper. Rodney shook his head but Beckett didn�t give him time to speak. �The cuts need to be flushed, and stitched. They�re already looking red and I�ll not have you getting an infection.� He looked up at the Major as he grabbed his med bag. �I�ll wrap these up for now. Get him something to eat and then bring him to the Med Lab. I�ll be waiting.�
John waited until Beckett was finished wrapping Rodney�s arm. �He hurt his back, too.�
Carson looked at Rodney who shrugged apathetically, the fight seeming to go out of him. �I�ll check it when you come in for stitches. Got eat so you don�t pass out on me.� The doctor left, taking his kit and shaking his head, muttering about know-it �all Canadians and stubborn Americans as he went.
The door slid closed and the room was silent again. John watched for a few moments as Rodney slump in his chair; his good arm folded across is chest, defensively. �Not sure I�ve ever seen you this still or quiet,� he said finally, trying to ease the tension.
Rodney startled like he�d been slapped, his calm facade vanishing instantly. �Yes, because everyone knows I�m unable to keep my mouth shut.� His eyes shone brightly. �I�m a smart man, Major. I at least attempt to learn from my mistakes.�
John blinked. �What the hell are you talking about?�
�Oh please, you think I don�t know why you�re here?� Rodney was on his feet again, pacing back and forth across the small, uncluttered room. He stopped and picked up his shirt from the corner, glanced at the bloody sleeve and tossed it away again. �Why don�t you say what you really came here to say?�
�I came here to check on you,� John insisted angrily.
�Why?� Rodney threw his arms into the air, ignoring the pain the movement caused. �I told you I was fine. I told Elizabeth everything was fine. It�s all well and good despite the fact that I almost caused our deaths. Despite the fact I almost handed Atlantis over to a madman simply because I couldn�t keep my damn mouth shut!�
Sheppard moved fast, reaching out and grabbing McKay�s shoulders, stilling the scientist before he collapsed again. He could feel Rodney trembling uncontrollably.
Rodney froze, lightheaded, embarrassed and exhausted by his outburst as the rage melted out of him. �I tried,� he said wearily. �I really did try.�
********************************
Sheppard watched in silence as Rodney ate his meal. They were the only ones in the mess hall and had helped themselves to what previously prepared food they could find. The lights were dimmed and the shadows seemed to emphasize the bruising on McKay�s face.
It hadn�t taken long after McKay�s outburst to persuade him to put on a shirt and look for something to eat. John knew they only had a limited amount of time before Beckett would come looking for them and he also knew they still needed to talk.
Rodney�s earlier words had surprised John. He hadn�t guessed how deeply McKay was struggling with his encounter with Kolya, and he should have. He should have been more alert. What kind of man was he not to remember that McKay had been a hostage just the same as Elizabeth?
Rodney finally put his fork down and pushed the clean plate away.
�Feel better?� Sheppard asked.
McKay smiled weakly. �A bit,� he answered. �Thank you.�
�Doctor�s orders.�
�Yes, speaking of which,� Rodney started to slide away from the table.
It hit John then, like a punch to the stomach. All this time and Rodney still wouldn�t look him in the eye. He�d never known McKay to be anything but direct, rudely so sometimes and it frightened him a little to have things change now.
�McKay, wait.�
�Dr. Beckett��
�Waited this long, he can wait a minute or two more.�
McKay looked reluctant, but stayed in his seat.
�Can I ask you a question?� John watched McKay carefully. At least the shaking seemed to have stopped, and his pallor had improved.
�If I say no, will that stop you from asking?� Rodney challenged.
�No.�
�Then ask.� The doctor waved nonchalantly but his posture stiffened noticeably.
Sheppard took a deep breath. �Tell me what happened with Kolya.�
McKay�s head snapped up. He looked at John briefly and then looked away, focusing instead on the dark corners of the mess hall. �That is not a question.�
�McKay.�
�It�s an order. You don�t start a question with �tell me.� That was a definite order.�
�Alright, it�s an order.�
�Not a question.�
�Rodney.� John leaned forward, resting his arms on the table top between them. �Would you please tell me what happened between you and Kolya?�
McKay�s face twitched as he grimaced, obviously struggling. He looked around the mess hall as if checking to make sure they were alone. Sheppard waited and finally, finally Rodney really looked at him.
Pain, shame, fear, anger, frustration�it was all there for the Major to see clearly in the scientist�s eyes.
�You�ve read the briefing. You know most of it already. What else, exactly, do you want to know?� McKay evaded.
�What happened to your arm?�
Rodney swallowed slowly and then started to talk in a monotone. �Kolya ordered Sora to take Dr. Weir to find the Med supplies and Wraith device, leaving me in the control room with him and a few other of his soldiers.� He fidgeted with the cuff of his shirtsleeve as he talked. �Kolya, he just walked up to me and asked me why I was still here on Atlantis.� He shook his head. �I�m a horrible liar and he saw that. He asked me what my plan was to save the city.� Rodney closed his eyes. �I said something about never mentioning there was a plan and he just looked at me. Just looked at me and said �Not yet�.�
�And then?� Sheppard unconsciously fisted his hands.
McKay huffed. �And then I proceeded to rattle off the entire plan.�
John tilted his head to the side, his stance unwavering, and Rodney knew he had to tell it all. Sheppard wasn�t going to let it go now. McKay slumped in his chair and then straightened again. �I talked. Okay?� He stood up and turned toward the shadows. �Some kid playing soldier sliced my arm a few times and I squealed.�
God, John couldn�t help hoping that kid was dead. �Hurts like a bitch being sliced like that doesn�t it?� John leaned back in his chair, not reacting when McKay spun around, gaping at him.
Rodney�s eyes searched his, for understanding and found it. �Bet you didn�t talk,� he challenged.
John�s eyes clouded. �No, no I didn�t, and you know what the bastard did next?�
McKay waited.
�He went on to the next guy in my unit and went to work on him instead.�
�What happened?�
�I watched him die.�
Suddenly Rodney couldn�t stand anymore. He sank heavily into his chair.
Sheppard looked at him. �What would have happened if you hadn�t talked for Kolya?�
�I-I don�t know.� Rodney shook his head not even wanting to consider where Sheppard was going. �He wouldn�t have,� he denied.
�Kolya was going to kill her until you stepped between them. You talked him out of that.�
Rodney scoffed. �I begged, pleaded and lied my ass off.�
�You did whatever it took to protect her.�
�I was just scared,� McKay admitted quietly.
Sheppard smiled and sat forward again. �You think I wasn�t scared when Kolya told me Elizabeth was dead or when he threatened to kill you both if I didn�t get the generators back online?�
�That�s different.�
�How?�
Rodney gestured toward him. �You�re�you,� he finished lamely.
�So, you told Kolya how we were planning to save the city�you did a lot of good things, too, McKay. More important than that one so called mistake.�
McKay nodded but still didn�t look up. Something else was gnawing at him and John waited for him to speak.
�I almost killed Beckett and Teyla,� he confessed. �What kind of man does that make me?� He looked up guiltily. �I might have done a bunch of good things as you say, but what does that really make me?�
�Like me, I guess.�
�What?�
�How�d you get the bruise on your back?�
Confusion filled McKay�s expression. �Kolya did that.�
John nodded. �When?�
�I don�t��
�When he found out I�d just taken out almost 60 of his men.�
�That wasn�t your fault. He just wanted me to lower the Gate's shield but I couldn�t.�
�Because of me,� John interrupted quietly. �He pushed you against the railing and almost threw you out into the sea.�
�You can�t think�� Rodney rubbed his head again. �It�s not the same. You weren�t making a conscious decision to sacrifice my life.�
�Neither were you. You were working frantically to save all our asses and so what, you needed a reminder to wait a few extra seconds. That�s what I was there for. That�s what makes us a team, McKay. We back each other up in every situation, whether that means stepping in front of a gun or smacking your hand away from the controls because we need to wait two more minutes.�
They stared at each other a moment, processing what had just been said.
�Where does that leave us?� McKay asked.
�It leaves us human, Rodney.� Sheppard grinned. �We do our best. We screw up. Sometimes we save the day and sometimes we don�t. Yesterday�we saved the day regardless of our screw-ups. That�s what matters most.�
McKay sat up a little straighter, suddenly feeling a little less weighed down.
�Major Sheppard?� Both men jumped to their feet, startled as Beckett�s voice sounded from the doorway, neither had heard him enter.
�Scare a man why don�t you, Carson.� John looked at him. �We were just coming to see you.�
�Sure you were. Let�s go then. Those cuts need tending,� Beckett reminded, turning and letting them follow him like reprimanded children.
�I told you we needed to get to the Med Lab,� Rodney taunted quietly.
Sheppard rolled his eyes, falling into easy step beside the scientist. �Better hope he�s not too mad at you for stalling. It�s your arm he�s sewing up.�
McKay stopped walking. �Wait�hey, you�re the one who wanted to ask me a question. Said it wouldn�t hurt for him to wait a few more minutes.�
John turned, walking backwards. �And you believed me?�
McKay�s eyes grew wide with fear. �Damn.� He jogged a few steps to catch up. �Least I somehow managed not to catch a cold in this whole fiasco.�
On cue, Sheppard let out a horrendous sneeze. Both men froze, surprised and staring at each other.
�You. Sneezed. On. Me.� Rodney wiped at his face. �I can�t believe you just sneezed on me.�
�Sorry,� John apologized sheepishly.
�Do you know how easily I catch cold? Do you?�
John looked at him without answering and then hurried to catch up to Beckett.
�I�m serious, Major. I am quite susceptible to all kinds of viruses�� McKay�s voice filled the corridor as the trio continued. �And who knows what kinds of viruses lurk in this galaxy. What if you caught this cold from the Genii? I mean has anyone researched what the symptoms of a Genii cold might be? Has anyone?�
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