What is Needed Most
part 3-final chapter
Sheppard guided the jumper easily up and over the trees, quickly going back into stealth mode. �What�s the status on Stackhouse?� he questioned Lt. Ford as he called up the display and searched out life signs. The Genii were concentrated back at the caves, but scattered signs showed the hillside was now crawling with people. John wondered which one of the dots on screen belonged to Kolya. He pushed the thought from his mind, fearing he�d accidentally trigger the jumper�s weapons with his thoughts. 

�Stackhouse is reporting a sharp increase in activity in the area where Cowen is under watch. Lots of men coming and going with no apparent reason,� Ford filled in.

�Troops,� John frowned.

�We have more fire power,� Ford reminded.

�Yeah, with the Jumpers, but we�re too far away to help if Cowen starts something now.� John gnawed his lip. �Tell Stackhouse to get out of there. Get back to Atlantis and let Weir know what�s going on. We�ll be coming in fast and need emergency medical staff ready in the jumper bay.� He paused, checking to make sure communication was open between the two jumpers. �You get all that, Carson?� 

�Aye. What about us? How�re we getting past Cowen�s troops at the gate?� the doctor asked. �We can�t afford any more delays. Rodney can�t.�

�How is he?� John asked, his worry growing.

�Not good, Major. He�s still unconscious and still losing blood. We can�t wait any longer to get him real help,� Carson insisted.

�By the time we activate the gate and come out of stealth, it�ll be too late for Cowen to do anything but watch us fly by, and if he actually tries�I�ll obliterate him.�

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Cowen couldn�t suppress his grin of delight any longer as he watched the soldier Sheppard had left in charge give the signal to fall back.  Every thing was going just as he planned. He hadn�t even started the full scale fighting on this front and already Sheppard�s �show of force� was beaten and on the run.  Commander Ballard had reported less than two quarters of an hour ago that his men had Sheppard and Kolya trapped in the caves. Cowen was certain he would be hearing any minute now that Sheppard and McKay were his. 

His smile widened. He already had the perfect world in mind for his new prisoners. Yes, it was a desolate land with a very short daylight cycle, horrific weather patterns and sustained very little life, but with enough workers�he could have a lab and barracks up and running in no time.  He would dispose of Kolya immediately, he thought as he watched the last group from Atlantis move through the gate. Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay would be stubborn at first, but he was certain that he could convince both to cooperate just by using them against each other.

Cowen�s radio crackled, bringing him out of his little future fantasy. �They. Escaped. Ships. Lost.� The words were broken and drowned by static, yelling and gunfire.

�Say again,� Cowen ordered, his smile slipping.

�Escaped!� was the only clear word in the next transmission.

�No!� Cowen shouted in outrage and began waving to the troops nearby. �Guard the gate!� he screamed the order even as he began to run towards the inactive gate.

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Sheppard could see the settlement already and the troops scrambling to try to get to the gate and set up guards. �Beckett, you�re going through the gate first,� he warned the doctor.

�Pardon?� Carson sounded terrified.

�Just dial Atlantis, send your IDC and go. Don�t stop for any thing or any one. Your priority is to get Rodney back to Atlantis.� 

�What about you?�

�I�ll create a little diversion. You just concentrate on your flying. When you get through the gate, you hurry up and get the hell out of my way because I will be right behind you.�

�Aye. Bloody ships.� Carson�s voice faded as he continued to curse about having the damned ATA gene and being forced to fly ships he wasn�t qualified to look at. 

John grinned in spite of the situation. �Ready?� he asked Ford.

�Let�s do it.� Aiden nodded, his eyes lit up with the excitement of battle.

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Cowen was nearly to the gate when he saw the first ship appear suddenly at the outskirts of the small settlement. The second appeared right behind it. The first ship swerved sharply off course, flying low over the fields and sending his men to the ground with fear. Sharp bursts of fire chased any remaining troops in search of fast cover.  He heard the gate activate. �NO!� There was nothing he could do but watch as the second ship slipped easily through the gate.

The first ship continued to fire as it buzzed the harvest fields three more times and circled the entire settlement. Cowen watched bitterly as it flew past, taunting him. He had no weapons strong enough to bring it down and there was nothing he could do but watch as it suddenly streamlined and disappeared into the gate after the other one.

They were gone.  Cowen looked around at the burning fields, the destroyed buildings and the men picking themselves up off the ground, and let out a primal scream of rage. One day, he swore, one day he would make that cocky bastard Sheppard pay for all the wrongs he�d perpetrated against the Genii. Until the day he died, that would be his mission: Major John Sheppard would pay.

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Rodney could hear voices and none of them were familiar to him. Fear coursed through him. Kolya had come back. He was going to hurt him again. Pain speared his side and he knew, he knew he had to fight. He couldn�t just lay there and let Kolya abuse him, not again. John, John would come. He had, hadn�t he? Had Sheppard really been there in the grave with him? Had he dreamed it all, like his sister and father? Where was he now? Sheppard wouldn�t want him to just give up. He had to fight. He had to get away from Kolya and all of Kolya�s men. Just until Sheppard came, he had to.

�Dr. Beckett!� Daniels hollered for help as his unconscious patient suddenly came to life, fighting and clawing to get away from him. McKay�s strength was amazing, as Daniel�s struggled to keep the wounded scientist still. �He�s trying to get up.�

�Keep him still,� Carson ordered trying to keep the jumper steady as they entered the jumper bay.

�I can�t.�

Allen moved to help Daniels, but the more they tried to still him, the more McKay struggled, his breathing growing harsher and harsher.

Once the jumper was securely in place, Carson was out of his seat. �Get off him!� he ordered sharply. �Get the medical team in here, now.�  He knelt beside McKay and grabbed a flailing wrist. �You�re okay, Rodney,� he murmured over and over, his concern growing as he checked McKay�s vitals. �Where�s my med team?� he shouted over his shoulder.  Rodney struggled under his hands, trying to twist free. �Easy, Rodney,� Carson leaned closer, placing one hand in the center of McKay�s chest and whispering in his ear. �Yer safe now, lad, I promise. Yer safe.�

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John ran down the hallway, following Carson and the med team as they steered Rodney toward the Med. Lab. The wheels of the stretcher clanged noisily on Atlantis� floors, echoing over the voices. The clickety clacking rhythm drowned out everything for John, growing louder and louder until he thought he�d never get the sound out of his head.

That was until he heard Carson�s desperate voice. 

�We�ve lost his heart beat.�

The medical lab doors were already open and the team rushed through them. Rodney�s pale, unmoving form was oblivious to all the hands on him at once. They tore at his clothing, prepping his chest for the defibulator. 

�Clear!�

John didn�t remember entering the room himself, but there he was suddenly watching as Carson placed the paddles strategically on Rodney�s chest. McKay jerked under the charge, writhing for a second after Beckett had pulled away waiting for any sign of life.

�Again.�

John stared, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach growing as Rodney lurched on the table one more time. Nausea swept over John; his own heart beat rapidly; his mind reeled. This could not be happening. 

�There.� He didn�t know who said it, but by the reactions around the table, Rodney�s heart was beating again.

Sheppard couldn�t feel relief, not while the team still worked so frantically. Someone was hooking McKay up to an oxygen line, replacing the mask they�d put on him in the jumper bay. Someone else was starting an IV.  John didn�t see anything but the still, unexpressive face of his friend.

�You need to go, John.� Beckett stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Rodney. �Just for now. I�ll take care of him.�

�I can�t.� John shook his head.

�Yer in the way.� Beckett pushed him gently back out of the room and let the doors close, blocking his way.

Sheppard kept backing up, staring now at the closed doors, but still seeing Rodney. Bleeding, beaten�lifeless.  �Shit.� His back hit the wall and his legs buckled.  He slid to the floor, closing his eyes as the sickening sound of clacking wheels and electric charges echoed in his head. �Shit. Shit. Shit.�

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�What happened?� He�d heard her coming, knew she would. 

He didn�t know how long he�d been sitting on the cold, hard floor, his head resting back against the wall, but he ached all over. He opened one eye, squinting up at her. The lights of the hall backlit her form; he couldn�t see her face.  �I don�t know,� he managed, his voice scratchy from disuse and emotion.

He could imagine she had that look, concern mixed with anger, covered by a cool fa�ade of control. �I really don�t know.� John opened the other eye.

�Did you get Kolya?� Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms in front of her, defensively.

�No.�

�What about Cowen?�

�No,� he gritted between clenched teeth. He hated the way he could picture her watching him, judging him and he was thankful he couldn�t see her face.

She glanced at the medical labs closed door. �Any news?�

Sheppard shook his head. �No.�

�You brought him back, John,� she reminded quietly. �Thank you.�

He ignored her, not wanting her thanks. What he wanted was an update. What he wanted was Carson telling him McKay was going to be fine. What he needed was to see Rodney awake and complaining indignantly about the medical staff.

�You should get rest,� Elizabeth said with concern.

�I�m not leaving.�

�John.�

He glared at her, cutting off any further arguments she might try. �I am not leaving.�

He lost track of time after she left. Minutes crawled by, followed by hours that flew past. His body grew numb from sitting in the same position so long. His legs cramped. Ford and Teyla came and waited with him for part of the time before wandering to more comfortable places to wait and worry. He didn�t want comfortable; he didn�t deserve it.

John played the last two days over and over in his mind, wondering where he could have changed it all. From the meeting with the Smyrnians, to hauling Rodney out of that cave and flying home. The events cycled through his head over and over, each time ending the exact same way. There was nothing he could have done. He had to go back further, days further, back to Dagan. Back to another hole in the ground where he�d left Kolya alive. If he had killed Kolya then, when he had the clear chance, then this�none of this would have happened.

The Med Lab�s door opened suddenly and Sheppard jerked his head up, unable to make his body move as he watched Carson standing there, peeling bloody gloves off his hands. Throwing the trash into a bright red bin, Beckett looked up and met John�s intense gaze.

John swallowed slowly, fear choking him until Carson let out a long slow breath. �He�s still with us.�

�But?� John slowly pushed himself off the floor, ignoring the cramping protests of his legs and back.

Carson shrugged. �He�s in a bad way,� he admitted. He ran his fingers through his messy hair. �Lost a lot of blood, he did, almost too much. I got him on meds to help that and he�s getting a transfusion now. He�ll need another, I believe.�

Beckett looked down at the floor, then looked back at Sheppard again. �Bruises, cuts. I still need to take care of the cut by his eye.� He went on,  �His back is pretty messed up, possibly a bruised kidney. I�ll run a full scan after the transfusion. For now, I�m just concentrating on getting him stable. The wound, it was�.� He shook his head.

�What?� John prodded, sensing more.

�It wasn�t just a simple gun shot,� Carson explained. �It was bad enough on its own, but there are signs of additional trauma.�

�Like what?�

�Like tearing and bruising that shouldn�t�a been there!� Carson snapped at him.

John shook his head, still not understanding. �What are you saying?�

�I�m saying that, on top of everything else, McKay was hit or kicked or what have you AFTER he was shot, damn it. The trauma was directly to the wound itself.�

Sheppard�s vision faded even as his eyes grew wide. His anger flared as the meaning of Carson�s words finally registered. He turned away and started down the hall at a near run. He knew what he needed to do.

�Major!� Beckett called after him, but he kept going.

Carson ran, catching up to John quickly. He grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. �Where the bloody hell are you going?�

John tried to pull away, but Carson held tight. �I�m going,� Sheppard said slowly. �To kill Kolya. Let go of me,� he demanded.

�No.� Beckett shook his head. �You aren�t. We left the Genii buzzing like a hive of angry hornets. You�d be dead the minute you stepped through the gate, regardless of the fact we don�t even know where Kolya is.�

�I�ll find him,� John snarled, jerking his arm free.

Beckett immediately scooted in front of him. �I�ll ground you,� he threatened seriously, ignoring the fact that they were chest to chest and Sheppard seemed to tower over him. He could see the anger, the rage, boiling inside John, but under it all, he saw fear and pain. His voice softened but he didn�t back down. �You�re gonna turn around, get back to the med lab, wash up and let me look at you.�

�I�m fine!� John protested. �Rodney�s the one hurt. Go help him.�

�I will, but you need to be there.�

�I need,� John shouted. �To go after the bastard who did this to him.� He advanced, forcing Carson to back up a step.

�No, Major,� Beckett disagreed softly. �You heard what Kendrick said, what Kolya told Rodney. Rodney needs to know you came for him. He needs to hear your voice, he needs to see you when he opens his eyes. He. Needs. You.�

John pulled back from Carson, his anger so consuming he swore he could taste it. Everything that Kolya had done to McKay bombarded him again. The bruises, the cuts, the gun shot wound, the torture, the words used to make McKay think he was going to die alone�all of it. All of it was his fault. He�d let it happen. He looked down at his hands, seeing Rodney�s blood, staining them and exploded, lashing out and driving his fist into the uncompromising wall of Atlantis.

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Rodney pressed the blue crystal, then the red. The tones were pure, beautiful and sustained. He smiled and pressed the yellow crystal. Nothing happened.  The panel�s crystals went dim. He pushed them again, trying all the colors, but the machine no longer worked.

�You screwed it up!�

He looked up sharply. �Jeanie?� His sister�s hurtful sneer faded and morphed until Kolya stood before him again, the ancient device vanished. Kolya aimed his gun at Rodney.

�No.� Rodney raised his hands as the Genii commander cocked the weapon and raised it higher. Rodney couldn�t move. Kolya pressed the barrel against his forehead. Cold metal cut into his skin.

�He won�t come for you,� Kolya whispered softly, almost apologetically as he slowly, purposefully began to pull the trigger.

�No!� Rodney fought. It wouldn�t end this way. It couldn�t. Sheppard would come. Struggling, Rodney suddenly felt like he was in jell-o, thick, black, rubbery, cold jell-o. It covered him, clogging his nose, filling his ears, blocking his eyes. It held him in place, smothering him and he knew he had to fight it.  If he didn�t fight to break free� Kolya would win. He had to get out; he had to fight. Sheppard would come and he had to be ready. He would not let John down, not this time. 

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John shifted on the exam table and tried to concentrate on not moving his throbbing fingers.

�Be still,� Carson demanded as he tended to the hand and wrist, wrapping it securely in warm black fiberglass material that would eventually harden into a protective cast. �Yer lucky, you know,� he started ranting again. �You could have crushed yer hand instead a just cracking a few bones.�

�Is the cast really necessary?� John asked for third time since Carson had started the whole process.

�Bloody right it�s necessary. You move these bones the wrong way and we�re scheduling you for surgery and, if it comes to that,�I�ll make damn sure you�re awake through the whole blessed thing.� 

�You will not,� Sheppard mumbled, shaking his head at Beckett�s threats, knowing full well that Carson would never inflict pain on purpose, not on his friends anyway. His eyes caught movement across the room and he turned to get a better view of the bed where Rodney was.

The tall, dark skinned doctor sitting beside McKay�s bed was gently attending to Rodney�s hands. Sheppard watched, fascinated by the gentleness as the doctor gracefully washed dirt and blood from Rodney�s limp and pliant fingers. John�s thoughts drifted to Carson again and he wondered if such tenderness was just born in some people or was it something that always needed to be learned. 

�There you go.� Carson drew his attention back to his own hand. �I�ll get you something for the pain and then you can head to your quarters if you�d like.� Beckett�s statement sounded more like a question than a suggestion. John could see his mind working. Was Sheppard planning on staying or leaving? Carson was making it clear he wasn�t going to ask him directly again.

�I�m staying here,� John said simply, his eyes met Carson�s briefly and the Scot nodded, his relief obvious.

�Right then. I�ll be right back.�

Sheppard turned back to Rodney. The other doctor was gone, but John�s eyes settled again on McKay�s hands. They were so still, too still. McKay�s hands should be moving. They were always in motion, whether gesturing wildly as Rodney jumped from one subject to another or moving with determined purpose as he worked on ancient technology. The only times John had ever noticed Rodney�s hands being still were when the scientist dozed off and even then his fingers tended to twitch occasionally.  John let his gaze travel up to Rodney�s battered face. The cut on his temple had been cleaned and taped. The bruising on his face had spread and turned dark purple and yellowish around the edges. Another wave of guilt swept over Sheppard. He could feel his anger growing again and he pushed it away. He had to stay in control, he thought, glancing down at his encased hand. He took a deep breath, a calming breath before looking up at Rodney again.

McKay moved.

�Carson!� John shouted, hopping off the table and ignoring the vice-like pain that exploded in his hand.

Rodney�s hand twitched, gripped the sheets and then flailed. An alarm began to go off, beeping insistently.

�McKay?� John hurried across the room, catching Rodney�s hand before it smacked the IV monitor beside the bed.

Rodney�s breathing sped up and he began to shake his head back and forth against the pillow. His body tensed, his slack face contorted into a pain-filled grimace. He was struggling�fighting.

�Rodney.� John tried to keep his voice calm. �You�re okay.� He looked frantically for Carson. �Beckett!�

Rodney�s other hand lashed out and caught him in the chin.

�McKay,� Sheppard growled, shaking off the surprising blow. �Come on, Rodney, listen to me. You�re safe. We�re back on Atlantis. Stop fighting me or you�re gonna hurt yourself.� John talked, rambling the same thing over and over, praying that Rodney would hear him.

Carson arrived holding a syringe and quickly checked the lines before injecting a sedative into Rodney�s IV. Rodney flailed one last time, connecting solidly with John�s cast.

�Damn it!� Sheppard eyes watered as the pain shot through his hand. �Rodney.�

McKay�s eyes opened wide, darting wildly.

�McKay.� John leaned cautiously closer, speaking softer this time. �Look at me, Rodney. You�re okay. You�re safe now.�

Somehow, through the panic, Rodney managed to focus on John. As his body reacted to the drugs and he stopped struggling, McKay�s attention stayed on Sheppard. �John?� he whispered hoarsely.

Sheppard smiled and squeezed Rodney�s hand lightly, relieved and heartbroken to see the recognition and question in Rodney�s eyes.  �Yeah, I�m here,� he reassured as McKay�s eyes slowly closed again. McKay�s words back in the cave resounded through his head again. �You came.� He could still hear the surprised, shocked tone.

�I�m staying right here,� John said determinedly. �Right here.�

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Rodney heard John�s voice as he struggled, felt the hand on his and managed, somehow to open his eyes. He had to see that it was real, that John was real and then�There he was, Sheppard, leaning over him, his hair a wild mess. His chin sporting a red mark where it looked like someone had whacked him, his eyes sincere and comforting. He was here.

Kolya was wrong. John had come. Even if he had screwed everything up, John had still come for him.  He let himself relax, another force pulling him back into the dark, but this time he wasn�t afraid. The blackness wasn�t smothering. It didn�t trap him. He wasn�t alone anymore. He could rest.


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Elizabeth crossed her arms and watched quietly as Carson covered Sheppard�s legs with a light blanket.

John lay in the bed next to Rodney�s, dressed in maroon scrubs. His injured hand was propped on a pile of pillows and he snored softly.

�How�d you get him to go to sleep?� Weir asked in a whisper.

Carson glanced at her and waggled his eyebrows mischievously. �His pain medication packs a wallop.� His smile faded as he fiddled with the edge of the blanket. �That and he�s bloody exhausted.

Elizabeth nodded. �The entire team is.� She looked over at McKay, who also slept soundly. �I ordered Teyla and Aiden to get rest, too. Neither of them wanted to stray far from here until we had more positive news about Rodney.� She sighed softly, her face still grave with concern. �He will be okay won�t he?�

�Aye, it�ll take time and some creative ways to keep him resting, but yes. I believe he�ll recover fully from the physical wounds.�

�Physical?� She looked at Carson.

�He went through a lot, lass. They both did.� Beckett looked from one patient to another. �You weren�t there in that cave with us. We don�t know how long he suffered there alone thinking no one was coming for him and you didn�t see John�s reaction to finding him in such bad shape.�

Elizabeth bit her lip, her gaze resting on Sheppard�s black cast. �What exactly happened?� she questioned.

�He had a fight with his guilt and anger,� Carson frowned.

�And?�

�His anger won.�


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John dreamed of running through tunnels. Dark, earthen tunnels that pressed in on him as they twisted and curved like a giant maze. He couldn�t find the way out. Just when he thought he was to the end�another turn would send him down another dark passage. Then, abruptly, it all ended. He was watching Carson, placing the paddles on Rodney�s chest, shouting �Clear!�  The jolt changed the scene again and John screamed. The defibrillator paddles now became a single wraith hand sucking the life out of Rodney�s writhing body.

Sheppard came out of the dream with a harsh shout, reaching for his sidearm and coming up with a handful of blanket instead. He breathed heavily, trying to shake off the dream�s effects. His heart raced and he felt like the sweat was pouring off of him. 

�Did ya sleep well then, Major?� Beckett stood beside his bed, making notes on a chart. Despite his amused smile, there was concern in his eyes.

John snorted as he sat up and reached to scratch his head�only to whack himself with his forgotten cast. 

�Oh,� Carson winced in sympathy as Sheppard hissed and flopped back on the pillows again, his eyes scrunched tightly closed.

After a moment, John sat up. �How long?�

Beckett glanced at his watch. �You�ve slept about 12 hours now.�

John�s eyes widened. �Twelve?�

�You needed the rest. You were about to drop.�

�How�s Rodney?� Sheppard asked, ignoring Carson�s comment.

Carson nodded to the next bed.

Sheppard raised his eyebrows, shocked to find McKay staring blearily up at him.  �You�re awake.�

McKay licked his split lip gingerly. �Yeah, well�you snore,� he complained in a weak whisper. His complexion reminded John of the paste he used to secretly eat in kindergarten. Rodney breathed slowly but smoothly and, despite his drug-glazed blue eyes, Sheppard noted the tight grimace and creased brow as McKay tried to manage his pain.

�I don�t snore,� Sheppard denied, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. �I breathe deeply.�

McKay snorted, stopping short and then moaned, �Oh, don�t do that.�

�Sorry. Sorry.� John smiled as he met Rodney�s eyes. �My bad.�

�Yeah, yeah. It�s all your fault.�

John looked down, Rodney�s words cutting at him.

McKay cleared his throat. �Water?� he requested softly.

�I got it,� Beckett offered, already heading off to get it.

�John,� Rodney�s voice was raspy and Sheppard slid off his bed, moving closer to McKay so he could hear him better.

�Yeah, what do you need?�

McKay shook his head slightly. �Was joking,� he tried to explain but he was tiring quickly.

�I know.� Sheppard put on a casual grin.

McKay studied him carefully, despite his obvious struggle to stay awake. �Liar,� he accused, his eyes finally drifting closed.

John chuckled, both chagrined and relieved to hear McKay�s normal biting tone. Some how it reassured him�Rodney really was going to be okay.

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�Are you certain about this, Major?� Teyla asked for the third time as she swung her fighting sticks around her. 

The late afternoon sun bathed the gym in burnt orange as Sheppard circled the Athosian, defensively.

�As long as you don�t tell Dr. Beckett,� Sheppard answered, swinging forward with his weapon. He could only hold one, the cast on his injured hand prevented him from gripping the second.

Teyla blocked his blow and followed with an offensive strike that caused John to stumble but not go down.

�You�re holding back,� he stated, shaking the sweat from his brow. �I told you not to do that.�

�Yes,� Teyla admitted honestly. �You did.�

He came at her again, but she blocked and parried, spinning quickly and smacking his upper thigh before backing off.

�Then why are you?� he asked through clenched teeth, hopping a step on one leg.

�Because.� She attacked, whipping the sticks at him with a grace and accuracy he knew he�d never attain no matter how long he practiced. He blocked everything he could but, one-handed, it wasn�t enough. Stick cracked against stick and, with a painful blow, Teyla had stripped his weapon from his hand. It flew up, catching him in the brow before flipping over his head and clattering against the far wall.

They stood there in tense silence, John breathing heavily and rubbing his forehead with his good hand before Teyla finally spoke again. �Because, Major. I believe you are merely here to punish yourself and I choose not to assist you in doing so.�

Sheppard lowered his hand and stared at her, surprised at the concern he saw in her eyes. �What?�

�You believe,� she pointed with one weapon, �that you are to blame for what happened to Dr. McKay.�

�Who told you that?�

Teyla smiled wryly and shook her head. �No one. I see it.� She stepped closer. �You carry it like a heavy burden meant only for you.�

John turned away, stalking to the window, staring at the stained glass without seeing it.

She moved beside him and sat on the bench, looking up at him. �What happened is not your fault,� she said simply.

He scoffed. �How exactly do you figure that?� he demanded angrily, looking down at her, trying not to focus on the compassion he saw in her eyes. �If I had killed Kolya when I had the change, none of this would have happened at all. THAT makes it my fault,� he whispered fiercely.

�No, Major.� Teyla stood slowly and placed her hand on his shoulder. �That makes it his fault. The blame lies with Kolya, no one else.�

John shook his head, his anger receding as grief overwhelmed him. �Tell that to Rodney,� he said thickly.

Teyla squeezed his shoulder gently. �It is not Dr. McKay who needs most to hear the truth.�

He stood there, letting her words wash over him as she moved away. Was she right? He didn�t know if he could let go of all the blame. He still felt it, so deeply�but maybe, possibly, he could let go of the anger he�d directed so intensely at himself. �Teyla.� He looked up as she reached the gym�s doorway.

�You are welcome.� She smiled. �Next time however, when you are fully healed,� her eyes drifted to his cast and then back to his face with a glint of mischief. �I will not hold back.�


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�I can�t believe it.�

�Will you stop already?�

�Well, really. You�re supposed to be a highly trained military officer and you can�t even smuggle a laptop in here? It was a simple mission,� Rodney ranted, his hands gesturing at the room. �Not exactly high security,� he pointed out.

John rolled his eyes and slumped lower in the chair beside McKay�s bed. �Have you tried to sneak something past Carson?� he defended himself. �The man�s a freaking bloodhound.�

It�s been two full days since he�d woken in the Med Lab to find McKay conscious and starting to improve. Under Beckett�s watchful and strict, very strict eye, Rodney was consistently gaining strength. The problem was, however, that McKay was bored out of his mind.

Rodney pulled at the loose threads of his blanket, already having managed to unravel a large section of it, only to braid the threads back together. Sheppard had kidded him about finding knitting needles somewhere on the base.  �You tried to hide it under your shirt. Under your shirt. What kind of stupid plan was that?�

�I�m handicapped here.� John waved his cast at McKay. �Give me a break.�

�Looks like you already had one,� McKay sneered his pun as John groaned loudly.

�I walked right into that, didn�t I?�

�Oh yes, very much so.� McKay grinned. �Serves you right for failing your mission.�

�Hey, I did the best I could.� John raised both hands in surrender. �I tried.�

McKay nodded, his face suddenly growing serious. His fingers stilled on the blanket and he leaned back deeper into the pillows.

�You okay?� John asked, noticing the change.

�Fine, I�m fine. Just tired. I get tired so easily. Frustrating really,� Rodney rambled.

�That�s why Carson won�t let you have the computer,� John pointed out, seriously.

McKay nodded and sighed heavily. �I know.�

�What�d you want it for anyway?� Sheppard questioned, sticking a finger under the edge of his cast and wiggling it in an effort to reach an itch.

�I just wanted to get some notes down about the device Kolya had.� He tripped slightly over Kolya�s name. �Damn shame, leaving that behind. It was intriguing really. I�d have liked to have a chance to see if it really worked.�

�Yeah well, it was you or it.� John shrugged. �I�m sure it worked fine.�

Rodney looked at him. �Why do you say that?�

�You were fixing it, weren�t you?� John grinned teasingly. 

�Ah yes, my knowledge of ancient technology and all.� McKay gestured absently. �The all important brain behind the machines.�

Sheppard caught the slight edge to Rodney�s voice and sat up straighter in his chair. �Rodney.�

�Hmm?� McKay�s thoughts were obviously elsewhere.

�You are important.�

�Oh, of course I am.� Rodney nodded. �Why else would Kolya kidnap me and drag me underground to fix an ancient organ?� he asked bitterly.

�McKay.� John leaned forward. �You don�t actually think that I tracked you across two worlds, pissed off the Genii�again�and hauled you out of that damn hole in the ground while under fire just because of your brains, do you?� He waited, watching Rodney open and close his mouth unable to find an answer, before he continued.  �I didn�t come after you just because you understand ancient technology, or because you�re the smartest man in the Pegasus galaxy,� his voice rose as he went on. �And certainly not because we both passed the God damned Mensa test. You�re a part of my team, McKay, and more importantly, you�re my friend.�

John made sure Rodney was still looking at him before he went on. �I might need a scientist and I might need your skills on my team, but what I need most, Rodney, is you. A friend I know I can depend on. Someone who�ll back me up in the face of near certain death and someone who�ll annoy the hell out of me when he thinks I�m making a mistake, and then kick my ass for not listening to him. I need someone who trusts me as much as I trust him. That�s you, McKay�you.� He stopped, letting his words sink in.

There was silence for a few minutes as he watched Rodney process it all. �What if I let you down?� McKay finally asked, hesitantly.

John leaned back in the chair, settling in, and grinned. �Well, then I get to kick your ass and make sure it doesn�t happen again.�

McKay laughed shortly, his features finally relaxing again. �Can I ask you a question?�

�Shoot.� John sneered evilly, paying back McKay�s earlier pun.

�Ha ha. How�d you really hurt your hand?�

John shrugged. �I punched a wall.�

�Now that was just brilliant,� Rodney pointed out sarcastically, closing his eyes and trying to suppress a yawn.

�Yeah, see, you�ve already got the whole �annoy the hell out of me� concept down. No need to practice.�

�Oh, but practice makes perfect. Soon I�ll even be good enough to kick your ass, too.�

�Go to sleep McKay, you need the rest.�

8888888888888888888888888888888888888

When Beckett returned to the room later to check on Rodney, he found both men sleeping soundly and snoring a duet that would wake the dead.
The end!
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