Silent Voices
                                              by debby

(Disclaimer: none of the mag 7 characters are mine, just borrowing them for fun)
 
 

ONE

Chris Larabee ran a callused hand over his face and stared at the cluttered coffee table in front of him. Evidence bags and file folders were haphazardly strewn across it's surface as his team painstakingly waded through the information. The five men surrounding him were reclined in various degrees of study around Buck and J.D.'s living room. The sixth man, youngest of the group slept soundly in his bedroom. It was his first day home in two weeks. No more hospital, no more doctors poking and prodding.
Chris glanced around at his team again. One of the best teams in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, he had handpicked each member. 'The Magnificent Seven,' he smiled              bitterly at the nickname. None of them felt very magnificent today. His gaze fell on the slender southerner standing against the counter that led into a small kitchen. A file lay open in front of Ezra, but Chris could tell the man wasn't reading it. Instead Ezra stared absently at the closed door beside the steps, J.D.'s door.

A movement to Chris' right caught his attention. Vin was stretching, their eyes met.

"Find anything?"

Chris shook his head, "Not yet." He looked at the folder on his lap again, blocking out the other men and the low drone of the TV, the details of the case filling his thoughts.

Watson. He pictured the scrawny little man with bulbous eyes and thin curly brown hair. Chris felt his anger flare. He had underestimated Chester Watson. They'd spent two months setting up the sting to catch that weasel. He'd been suspected of manufacturing drugs in his basement then selling them on the street to gangs. Ezra had gone in first sending out regular updates. Watson had a whole production set up making low grade LSD from Hawaiian wood rose seeds. He was also putting out occasional batches of LBJ a strange mixture of acid, belladonna and heroin. The LBJ had killed at least a half dozen kids that they knew of. Belladonna in the wrong proportions, according to the medical examiner. From the reports and facts they'd uncovered the drug didn't yield a very pleasant trip either.

The sting had turned when Watson's heroin provider showed up. He was an ex-con that Ezra had testified against in Atlanta. A wave of guilt passed over Chris. He was the one who'd sent JD in as a gang contact. JD was to set up a buy from Watson so they could bust the entire operation.

"I can pull off young!!" JD had insisted when Chris had originally balked at the idea of sending him in. He was young. JD's radio had died not long after entering the building. They played with the system for half an hour before they moved in, knowing they could be blowing a chance to keep Watson locked up, but Chris couldn't take the chance on something happening to JD or Ezra. Chris shook his head to chase away the images. JD so pale, his skin almost translucent against the cold gray cement floor. Buck kneeling beside him, and Ezra.

Chris looked again at Ezra this time taking in details, the notable sag of his shoulders, the dimness in his green eyes. The way his fingers lightly rubbed at his shirt sleeve, as if trying to erase the bruises left from the needles. The doctor said it would take time, but it had been two weeks now. The facade of security and the ever present confidence was gone. Hypnotism, drug induced suggestion, the doctors could call it what ever they wanted, Chris just couldn't bare to see the southerner's spirit so broken. What they needed was to find the answers. Find Watson and figure out what the man had done to his agents, then if Chris had his way, kill him slowly.

Buck stood up and made his way to JD's door. He knocked once opening it and Chris could hear him talking.

"JD's awake," he said simply, as he closed the file and tossed it back onto the table. The others followed suit, exchanging worried glances and forcing casual expressions. The answers would wait for a few minutes, J.D. needed to be welcomed home.

+ + + + + + +

I open my eyes slowly trying to process where I am and why I felt so fuzzy headed. Blinking I struggle through the blur to make out the room, my room. I move to sit up and gasp at the pain in my side. My befuddled mind remembers now. I got out of the hospital today. Reaching to my side I gently run my hand over the bandage. I can feel the tenderness of the stitches underneath. Taking a deep breath I force myself to sit up. I look at the clock squinting to see the glowing numbers, 4pm. I've been asleep three hours. Closing my eyes, I wince as pictures flash through my mind. I remember being on the case, I remember hearing Buck's voice shouting my name. After that there is only scattered scenes. The hospital, doctors in surgical garb, nurses poking and prodding and the team all there to visit me. I'd been banged up, beaten I guess and then shot. Shot. Part of me still can't believe a bullet tore through my side. I have to go to the bathroom. Slowly and carefully I get up and make my way to the room off mine. If Buck hears me moving around he'll be in here in an instant. Hovering like he always does. Drives me a little crazy, but I know he cares. They all care. I can hear them now, out in the living room trying to be quiet.

Eventually I make it back to the bed. Most of me wants to lay back down and let sleep claim me again, but the other part is aching for company. I want to join in on the banter amongst friends. I need them to pick on me, call me kid. To let me know they care in that gruff, insane way of theirs. I manage to get a pair of sweats on and am buttoning up a shirt when Buck pokes his head in.

"You're up! Need help?" He flicks on the light and comes in unbidden.

"I can do it myself Buck, it's just sweatpants and a shirt."

"I know, just want you to call for help when you need it."

I look at my roommate meeting his worry filled eyes. "I will, I promise."

He seems to accept my word for it and silent stands by waiting to help me up. I know he'll worry and hover anyway. He wouldn't be Buck if he didn't.

"Who's out there?" I ask. For some reason I feel nervous about seeing everyone. Something has been different between them. Even in the hospital I could sense it. Everyone is okay, but there is something going on, something they weren't telling me.

"Everybody's here J.D. Can't celebrate your homecoming without everybody." He sounds almost like his old self again.

I feel like an old man shuffling towards the living room. I keep one hand on my side, the pressure seems to ease the pain somehow. Everyone is sitting around the TV, it's volume turned low. Several evidence bags and file folders litter the coffee table. They've been going over the case.

"You can turn that up you know," I tell them.

"J.D.," smiles break through the worry. God they worry too much. You would think I was a ten year old.

"How are you feeling?" Nathan asks first, of course.

"I'm okay, slow, but okay."

"Sit down." Vin moves from his spot on the couch before I can protest. Wouldn't do any good anyway I suppose.

"I'm really fine guys, thanks though." I flash them a grin trying to reassure them as I sit down. Chris nods. I can see the acceptance in his eyes, but there is something else there too. It's not like I've never been hurt before, or shot before even. I'm not getting this. Yeah I was serious for a day, but they weren't really close to losing me. Why did it feel like they were forcing a jovial atmosphere when they were somber at heart. Maybe it's the pain medication and I'm just confused.

Josiah sits across from Chris. "Good to see you home brother."

I nod, "Thanks, I really hate that hospital." Several grunts of agreement can be heard.

"Hungry?" Buck asks heading automatically for the kitchen. Ezra's standing by the breakfast nook, nervously rubbing his arm. Ezra's never nervous, at least he never shows it.

"Sure Buck." Something is definitely going on here. I look at the coffee table and gently lean forward picking up one of the evidence bags. "What are you guys going over?"

"Nothing you need to worry about right now," Chris says almost harshly. I look at him, our eyes meet for a second. I'm not about to back down now. I see Ezra step forward out of the corner of my eye.

"My case?" I call it mine out of habit. I was the only one hurt in it so I look at it a bit personally, I guess. I wish I could remember the details. I look at the bag in my hand, rolling it's contents over my finger tips. They are spent slugs. I look closer at the misshapen bullets. Three pieces of lead. That was how many bullets the doctors dug out of my side. A connection clicks in my head. Looking at the table I see another bag. This one protects a gun. I can hear voices around me, but the sounds are melded together like I'm alone in a slow motion scene. I know that gun. I can hear and feel my heart begin to race. My hands are suddenly shaking and I wince as memories come flooding back. I raise my eyes and meet Ezra's.

"Ezra," I choke on his name as I struggle to stand up. I can hear his laughter now, see the sinister expression, as his eyes taunt me. I shake my head, "No."

"J.D. you need to let us explain what happened." I hear Chris' voice.

"No." I step back still looking at Ezra. I can see him now, raising the gun, never blinking. He just sneers and fires. Ezra steps closer to me. "J.D. It wasn't like it seems. I wasn't myself, I was..." he fumbles to explain.

"No." I spin and hurry into my bedroom locking the door behind me. Adrenaline is kicking in now. I have to get away. I can hear Buck shouting my name and pounding on the door. I hear the others too. I only have one choice. I have to escape. Driven by fear alone I climb onto my bed oblivious to any pain. I unlock the window and push it open. Punching out the screen I look out. The fire escape isn't far down, six feet tops. The door isn't going to hold much longer. I hear a voice inside my head screaming at me to run. "You can't trust them!" it yells, "run." It's not hard to flip out the window and land on the escape, I climb down with more energy then I imagined possible. I can still hear them shouting behind me. Buck. I shouldn't leave Buck, but Ezra's face flashes in my mind, that sneer. He's going to kill me and the rest of them won't stop him. I hit the ground and started running. Fear drives me and I press on not realizing my feet are cold because I'm not wearing shoes and my side is warm, because my stitches have ripped open.

TWO

Buck pounded frantically on JD's bedroom door.
"Open up JD! NOW!" he shouted. Chris moved forward, as he and the others waited anxiously. "What the hell happened?" Buck continued, "I thought we were going to give him some time before we told him together."

"We were," Chris' voice was tight. "He just picked up one of the evidence bags and it all came back to him I guess."

"JD!" Buck called again. It unnerved him that JD was being so quiet. "Get back." He spread his arms wide pushing the others back as he did.

"What're you going to do?" Josiah asked.

"I'm kicking in the damn door!" Buck half shouted, as he delivered a solid kick to the barrier. The wood gave way with a loud splintering and the door flew open revealing and empty room.

"JD?" Buck rushed into the bathroom figuring the boy was sick. Vin took one look around the chilled room and disappeared. Chris would have followed, but Buck's bellow stopped him.

"Where is he?" "Chris." Josiah stood beside the bed a hand gesturing to the open window.

"No." Nathan moved forward. "He didn't. He couldn't, not in his condition." The former medic peered out the window in disbelief. Vin appeared below and Nathan watched him take in the scene knowing he was looking for signs of where JD headed.

"Chris," Buck's voice cracked, "he doesn't even have shoes on."

For a moment Chris thought his friend was going to lose control, but Buck held himself in check. The room was silent, as the shock settled and began to dissipate kicking the weathered agents into action.

"We need to find him," Nathan voiced the obvious, "he had to have ripped his stitches out climbing down."

"How? He could barely move," Buck asked shaking his head in confusion. "Fear," Ezra's voice was barely a whisper, as he stood back and away from the others. He'd watched, as they searched for JD, his heart beating erratically. His mind chanting You did this, you did this, you did this. He wanted to back into the wall, let the wood envelop him and erase his existence. The look of sheer terror in JD's eyes was frozen forever in his sight and had brought with it the memory of JD pleading for him not to shoot.

"Ezra?" Chris was talking. They were dividing up to search for JD. "He couldn't have gotten far," Nathan said.

Chris nodded. "Buck you'll got with Vin, Josiah go with Nathan. Ezra you're with me." He headed towards the door, but Ezra's whisper stopped him.

"I can't go."

"What?" Chris turned to see Buck grab Ezra by his shirt. "What do you mean you can't go?" Buck slammed the smaller man against the wall, as he asked.

"He's afraid of me Buck," Ezra said plainly, his voice now hollow and empty.

"We don't have time for this now," Nathan protested, pushing Buck away from Ezra, "we have to find JD." Buck shot another look at Ezra unsure of how to feel towards the southerner before following Nathan and Josiah out of the room. Chris waited for Ezra. "You're coming with me." It wasn't a question.

"But he's..." Chris held up a hand cutting Ezra's protest off.

"He's just confused Ezra. He'll understand once we explain. We just have to find him first." Ezra nodded once and followed obediently all the while hearing the voice inside continue it's chant. 'You did this.'

+ + + + + + +

I don't know where I am. I know I'm in my own neighborhood, but for some reason I can't make sense of anything.

"Run!" the voice screams inside my head. "Ezra will kill you."

Ezra. He wouldn't hurt me. I try to understand, but the image of him in front of me firing the gun rips my rationale. "RUN!"

A corner, an alley, another corner, I force myself to keep moving, but I can feel my feet dragging. "They'll find you. Run." I can't run anymore even though the voice still shouts at me. My vision blurs and I stumble. My head bangs against the brick side of a building, as I slide down it's rough surface. Images merge and flash before me, as a pain burns in my side. Ezra shot me. I reach for my side trying to push away the pain. I'm sticky. I'm cold. I can't move. "Run!" the voice keeps shouting. God I can't move. I can't see anymore. I lay there shivering not able to tell if it's getting dark or if I'm going blind.

+ + + + + + +

It hadn't taken long for Vin to find what he was looking for, JD's trail. "He's bleeding." he pointed out the spot of blood to Buck.

"Oh God." Buck stared at the stained sidewalk and shivered. It was so cold. JD didn't have a coat or shoes or anything. He followed Vin along a jagged path through one alley and another. "Where is he going?"

"Just running." They turned another corner. "There!" Vin pointed and broke into a run. JD lay half against a building, curled up and trembling. Buck whipped off his coat and covered JD, as he lifted him and held him close.

"JD, it's me and Vin. We're going to get you help." He could feel JD trying to resist, but the younger man was too weak. Vin was on the phone already calling an ambulance and the others. They would meet at the hospital.

+ + + + + + +

Buck paced the small waiting room casting frustrated glares at the clock as if he could intimidate time into moving faster. JD was in surgery again. He'd torn more then just his stitches. The doctor had assured them that barring infection JD would most likely be fine, but until he was out of surgery and recovery they were forced to wait.

Ezra shifted in his chair in the corner drawing Buck's attention. Buck stared at his team member, fighting his own confused thoughts. Ezra was responsible for all of this. Part of him wanted to believe that because it was easier to understand then the truth. He wanted to be angry at the southerner, to hate him for letting JD get beaten. For shooting him.

Ezra felt eyes on him and looked up meeting Buck's gaze. He saw the hate flicker there and knew he deserved it. You did this, the chant continued. He turned away from Buck and focused instead on the dark sky. What was happening to him? He'd never felt so insecure and unable to handle it. Usually he'd have a whole arsenal of cocky retorts, and comebacks. Big words building a wall of protection to separate himself from the accusatory glances. He rubbed his hand over his bruised arm again. He could still feel the sharp jab of the needle going in, he could hear the voice telling him over and over again what he had to do. Why hadn't he been able to fight it?

"Ezra." He jumped as Buck sat down next to him and forced himself to look at him. Buck looked at his hands then at Ezra. "Sorry I jumped on you earlier. I know you were just thinking of JD."

Ezra nodded. "I understand your reaction Mr. Wilmington."

Buck wanted to say more, to tell him it wasn't his fault, but the words wouldn't come. Instead he let the awkward silence hang for a moment before returning to his pacing.

Chris watched the exchange from his chair across the room. Vin sat beside him staring out the window. Josiah and Nathan had gone in search of coffee. Chris sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. The last time they were in this waiting room it had been JD and Ezra they were waiting about. Ezra had been in shock. Chris watched his undercover agent now and wondered if the man had recovered yet.

Again he found himself focusing on the case. He began to replay the entire scene through his memory quietly accepting a cup of coffee from Josiah, as he and Nathan returned and settled in chairs to wait. After fighting with the surveillance equipment they had been starting to move in when they heard the shots. Three shots that still echoed in his mind. He'd been the first one in the building followed closely by Buck. Chris feared the worst, but wasn't prepared for it, as he'd burst into the basement and found JD on the ground with Ezra standing just a few feet away from him. Ezra stared at JD's body making no move to help him, as Buck rushed pass Chris and knelt beside JD. That's when Chris had noticed the gun hanging limply in Ezra's hand.

"Ezra?" he'd approached his agent slowly trying to ascertain what had happened. Ezra looked at him his green eyes hollow and empty. "Ezra?" Chris said his name again, harsher this time. "What happened?" A resigned look slowly replaced the blank expression, no remorse, just resignation.

" I killed him," Ezra admitted then began to turn the gun on himself. Chris was faster and moved like lightning batting the gun away from Ezra's grasp and wrestling the agent to the floor. Ezra never resisted, but as Chris pinned him to the ground, he watched the green eyes shift and clear, the hollowness giving way to confusion.

"Chris?" he'd sounded like a small boy, "What happened?" As soon as he asked the question it was like a switch was thrown and Chris could visibly see the memories flood back into the man he held onto. "Oh my god!" Ezra had rasped, as he passed out.

"Chris?" Vin's voice brought him back to the present.

"Hmm?"

"JD's out of recovery."

THREE

"Where do you think you're going?" A voice breaks through the darkness. I can feel warm hands pushing me gently downward. Was I sitting up?
"Lay still now." I struggle to open my eyes, but only see shadows moving about. I try to speak, but my voice won't work.

"Here suck on this," The same voice commands softly and I feel a damp cloth pressed against my lips. I suck on it realizing I'm very thirsty. The shadows fade. Did I imagine it? I hear more voices now, whispers. I open my eyes again. The shadows are brighter this time. I can feel the oxygen tube up my nose, and know I'm in the hospital again.

"JD?" Buck's here. I blink a few times trying to focus on his voice. A hand touches mine.

"Hey kid."

"Hey," my voice is raspy, my throat hurts. I hear the others. They're all here.

"How are you doing JD?" Chris asks.

I smile, how does he think I'm doing? I can see them now, all worried again. There's something I'm suppose to remember. Why am I in the hospital? Didn't I just go home?

"Can't stay awake," I hear my own voice whisper.

"Then go back to sleep."

I dream in flashes. The basement. Watson. I'm nervous. Something's wrong right off the bat. They know I'm an agent. Ezra's different. Why is he helping Watson? Someone's holding me. I feel a stab in my arm, then another. A voice whispers in my ear. "Run, Ezra will kill you. No one is coming to help you. Run." Over and over and over. It doesn't' seem to stop. Ezra's sneering at me, pointing his gun. No one is coming to help me.

"Ezra, NO!"

JD's outburst startled the six men in his room. Their quiet conversations fell into a shattering silence, as they stared at JD's restless form. Chris heard Ezra's sharp intake of breath and looked up to see him turn for the door. He stood and followed him hearing Josiah calmly whisper to JD.

"Easy son, It's just a dream."

"Ezra wait." Ezra slowed his steps and finally stopped walking, but didn't turn around to look at Chris. He knew he shouldn't be here, not after what he had done. JD was terrified of him and the others were trying to hide their anger and hatred. He felt Chris drape an arm around his neck and grip his shoulder propelling him forward.

"Let's walk." Chris squeezed his shoulder once, as they began to move, but then let him go. After a few moments they came to a small waiting room. It looked like all the others in the hospital. Plastic chairs lining bland walls, two windows over looking the city. Ancient magazine, ragged and worn from countless fingers flipping through them, scattered on a few battered tables. Without speaking Chris steered Ezra into the small room. He waited and watched, as Ezra walked rigidly to one of the windows.

"I did this!" the emotional statement caught Chris off guard.

"Ezra we've talked about this." He watched the back of Ezra's head as the agent nodded.

"I know."

"It wasn't your fault."

"But it was."

This was not the Ezra Standish Chris knew so well. He was used to being pushed to anger by Ezra's defensive barbed retorts. That he could handle. It was watching his friend fold in on himself that he couldn't fathom. Chris sighed heavily and leaned against the wall separating the two windows. He faced Ezra now, but Ezra kept his green eyes focused on something out the window.

"You were drugged." Chris watched for any change in Ezra's expression. There wasn't any.

"I should have fought it."

"Who do you think you are?" Chris' voice lowered to a growl. This caused Ezra to glance at him. "You possess some kind of super powers the rest of us don't know about?" he went on before Ezra could speak, "Ezra whether you like it or not you're as human as any one of us and if it had been anyone of us, I can bet you the results would have been the same. You were given shots of a powerful hypnotic drug." Ezra unconsciously rubbed his arm, as Chris spoke. "It wasn't you in control. It was that bastard Watson."

"But I should have been in control!" Ezra fairly spit the words, as he turned and strode angrily from the room. Chris sank back against the wall and ran a hand through his blond hair. He found himself staring at the ceiling unsure of what to do next. He'd never seen Ezra like this before. He could still hear the doctor explaining it to them that night after the sting, after they'd brought JD and Ezra in. They were confused and angry trying to process what had happened when the doctor sat them all down.

"Mr. Standish has been given a powerful hypnotic." Chris couldn't recall the name of the drug now, just the description, "From the doses he was given Mr. Standish was left open to any suggestion. Whoever did this could have gotten your man to do anything and he'd have had no control or power to stop himself. Wouldn't even know what he'd done until after the fact."

Chris had asked the doctor then if Ezra was okay now and the man had told them that as long as Ezra was totally out of his hypnotic state it would take time, but he'd be back to normal fairly soon. Chris was still waiting. He sighed again and pushed himself away from the wall to head back to JD's room.

+ + + + + + +

Someone is touching me again. Someone else is holding my hand. Buck.

"Hey kid I'm here."

Opening my eyes I can see better this time. A nurse is standing to one side of me checking my vitals I guess.

"How are you feeling?" She has a pretty voice and gentle eyes. I wonder if Buck has hit on her yet.

"Thirsty." I feel like I could drink forever and not be satisfied. Buck holds the cup and straw close to my mouth. I sip it slowly raising my head a little bit. Knowing that if I gulp, he'll take it away. His fingers are shaking slightly as he holds the straw still.

"Thanks." I look around the room now seeing everyone except Ezra. Ezra! "Ezra's going to kill me," the words were out before I realized it.

"No JD," Josiah looms over my bed behind Buck, "Ezra won't hurt you."

I can feel the panic rising in my chest again. The quieted voices begin to shout again. "Run, Ezra will kill you. Run." I shake my head trying to chase them away. Buck puts a hand on my shoulder. It's warm and heavy.

"Easy, no one's going to hurt you."

I have to hide. I struggle to sit up, but the pain and Buck keep me down. No one is coming to help you. The voice is stronger then the rest, clearer. I can't breathe.

"What's wrong with him?" Vin's voice. I can't see them anymore, they've blurred together, as the room spins.

"Focus JD. You're in the hospital. You're safe." Chris.

Chris would never lie to me. I have to calm down. I can't think, there are just those stupid voices. I must be safe. Chris said it, but I can't. I have to run, must escape. "Let me give him a mild sedative before he rips out the new sutures." I watch the nurse now, focusing on her. She's holding a needle.

"No." I try to scream but it comes out like more of a croak.

"JD, JD! it's just a little shot. It'll help you relax. We're here, no one's going to hurt you." Buck's voice sounds like he's trying to stay calm himself. Nathan moves forward and helps the nurse hold me still, as she gives me the shot. I flinch when the needle pierces my skin and lay still exhausted from the fight. I feel like I weigh a ton. It' s no use to fight. No one's coming to help you. Run or Ezra will kill you. Everyone is staring at me. My eyes are to heavy all of a sudden, I can't keep them open. God, I don't want to die.

Buck gently rubbed JD's shoulder, as he watched the younger man slip into an uneasy sleep. The room was still except for the sound of the door closing behind the nurse and the soft murmurings of JD.

"What is he saying?" Josiah asked. Nathan leaned in a bit closer to listen, and repeated the words he could understand to the others.

"No one is coming to help. Run or Ezra will kill," he looked up "that's all I can make out."

"What the hell is going on?" Chris voiced his frustrations, as he met Vin's gaze for a moment. Something was unusually wrong. He thought a moment. "JD relax, we're here." Buck's voice was steady and calming now.

"Wait a sec!" Vin almost shouted.

"What?" Josiah asked.

"When we first brought JD and Ezra in the doctor told us about Ezra being drugged and hypnotized or something like that, right?"

"Well yeah, but what does that have to do with JD? " Nathan asked before the obvious could sink in.

"That if Ezra was drugged, JD might have been too," Chris answered.

"Was there time?" Buck looked up from JD. "He wasn't in there much more than a half hour before we could get moved in."

Chris nodded, "But the wire cut out as soon as he went in. If they were waiting for him they could have drugged him immediately, hypnotized him and got out while leaving Ezra to kill him."

"If they wanted Ezra to kill him, then why did they bother to hypnotize him at all?" Josiah asked thoughtfully.

"Increase JD's fear maybe?" Nathan offered a guess.

"Or maybe covering their backs in case he didn't die," Buck added.

"Damn." Chris looked at JD then continued, "Buck , you stay with JD. Nathan see if his doctor can run tests to find any drugs in JD's system and if there is what we can do about it. Vin, Josiah and I will go find Ezra first and see if he can remember anything else, then we are going to find Watson."

FOUR

Ezra stepped out of the hospital entrance and scanned the dark parking lot without really seeing it. He couldn't handle the stale medicinal air inside anymore or the crushing guilt he felt each time he looked at one of his team members. The night air was fresh and cool, but unusually mild for the season. It almost felt like spring. For a second Ezra found himself distracted by thoughts of Atlanta. His senses bombarded by the beauty of the Bradford pear tree's blossoms and the horror of their fish like smell. He shook his head and grimaced. The smell was growing stronger.
"How's my true confederate?" a gravely voice asked.

Ezra froze in place, his mind suddenly clouded as the small man stepped into his view. Chester Watson smiled at the tall, slender man in front of him. He enjoyed the feeling of power he maintained over any man, but especially this agent. In any other circumstance he'd have felt inferior standing next to Standish. Honest about himself, Watson knew he was not a looker, or even a charmer. The man beside him, however, had been everything Chester ever wanted to be, handsome, intelligent, strong and confident, until Chester took it all away, of course.

Watson stepped closer watching Ezra's eyes closely. "Good, Good," he murmured, capping the small bottle of fragrance he held in one hand, "Come with me Mr. Standish. We have some business to discuss." With a satisfied smile the drug dealer led Ezra to a waiting car.
 

+ + + + + + +

Vin, Chris and Josiah walked briskly down the hospital corridor talking in subdued voices. "Nurse said she saw Ezra step outside about ten to fifteen minutes ago," Vin told the other two men.

"Probably just going for some fresh air," Chris said, "He rode over with me. His Jag's over at Buck and JD's still."

Josiah stopped and held the glass door open for Vin and Chris. "Then hopefully he didn't get far."

The three men seemed to spill out onto the sidewalk, as they each took a different direction. Vin moved automatically to the right, Josiah to the left and Chris walked straight out toward the parking lot. The street lights cast shadowy paths through and in between the parking lot. There were fewer cars here now that visiting hours were technically over. Chris looked over to see Vin stepping off the curb of the sidewalk and moving toward a black Buick. It's lights were on and the engine running. An alarm went off somewhere in his consciousness and he knew from Vin's speed that the agent was feeling the same concern. Chris started toward the car.

Suddenly the car lurched into gear and backed out of it's spot. Braking only to change direction, it picked up speed at a reckless rate heading straight for Vin. Vin stood his ground for only a moment then jumped out of the path of the car, as it careened around the drive and out onto the main road. Brakes screeched and tires squealed, as other motorists were forced to avoid getting hit.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked, as Vin slowly picked himself up off the pavement. Vin nodded to him and the approaching Josiah, pausing an instant to catch his breath.

"I'm fine. It was Watson." Vin straightened up looking at the tire marks left by the car. "He has Ezra."
 

+ + + + + + +

The room was dark except for one small lamp in the corner. Ezra blinked and watched, as Watson moved about him. He smiled to himself. In the shadows Watson kind of looked like the actor Peter Lorre. A scene from Cary Grant's Arsenic and Old Lace flashed through his mind. Watson had more hair then Lorre. Ezra decided.

"How are you feeling Standish?"

"I'm fine." Ezra tried to ignore the fact the room felt like it was floating in front of him. Watson moved closer and Ezra could see that he held a needle. He tensed somehow knowing he didn't want to get a shot.

"Hold still now." Watson gripped his wrist tightly.

"No." Ezra tried to pull away, but his arm refused to obey his command. The needle went in quickly, burning and bruising. "Ow." Ezra rubbed his arm once Watson let him go.

"Sorry about that. I still haven't gotten the hang of giving shots gently."

" I noticed."

"You remember what we talked about before, don't you Ezra?"

Ezra thought a moment trying to make sense of his thoughts. "I think so."

"I need you to help me. "

"I don't want to help you."

"Why?"

"It's my job to catch you." Ezra tried to shake away the confusion he felt.

"But Ezra you've already helped me, remember? You shot Agent Dunne for me."

"I shot him."

"You did it."

"I did it." Watson smiled. "Larabee and Wilmington hate you now you know. It's your fault the boy is dieing."

"My fault," Ezra's voice had fallen to a whisper.

"I need you to finish the job though Ezra. I told you to kill JD. He's still alive."

Ezra shook his head. He was suppose to fight this. He couldn't hurt JD or any of his partners. They were a team. "No." He'd already shot JD. How could he have done that. It was all his fault.

Watson moved again quickly driving another needle into Ezra's arm. Ezra didn't resist this time.

"Look at me Standish." Watson stood near the single light. Ezra turned his head toward Watson. "Are you afraid?"

"Afraid of what?" Ezra's word's slurred slightly.

"Are you afraid they'll hate you? You've betrayed them you know. You tried to kill JD. They'll never forgive you."

"I did this."

"Yes, you did this. You shot your partner. You tried to kill him, and you're going to finish the job."

"No," Ezra whispered.

"But you must."

"I must?"

"You must."

"I must."

"And Ezra? "

"Yes?"

"If anyone tries to stop you, kill them."

"You want me to kill them?"

"Yes, and if you fail, you kill yourself." There was silence for a moment. "Do you understand me Ezra?" Slowly Ezra nodded. "If anyone tries to stop me, I kill them and if I am stopped, I kill myself." He sounded like he was repeating something as simple as a grocery list.

Watson moved toward Ezra and knelt before him. "You know Ezra, after you kill agent Dunne the guilt will be unending. I think you should kill yourself either way. What do you think?"

"Sounds appropriate."

"Alright then." Watson rose to his full height over the seated agent and smiled easily. He squinted at his watch holding it up into the light of the single lamp. They'd be arriving soon, he'd better get ready.

FIVE

Chris pulled his truck to a stop beside the brick building.
"I can't believe he came back here," Vin said pointing to the Buick.

"Seems a little easy don't it?"

"Yup."

The two agents climbed quickly out of the truck readying their weapons. On the way, Chris had called for back up and Josiah was already directing the other agents on the scene. With a nod to his own team members he signaled they were ready.

They went in as planned and Watson surrendered with virtually no resistance. Chris felt a heavy knot grow in his stomach. Vin was right, it had been way too easy.

"You okay Ezra?" Vin asked leading the undercover agent towards the truck.

Ezra blinked once and nodded. "I'm fine Vin, thank you."

"We're gonna need to take you back to the hospital to get checked out just in case."

Again Ezra nodded. "Fine," he murmured, as he settled in the truck.

Chris came up beside Vin "How is he?" he kept his voice low.

"Says he's fine, but didn't even put up a fight about getting checked out."

Chris frowned, "Then he's far from fine." He rubbed his hand over his face thinking. "Bring Watson to the hospital with us. I have a few questions I need answered."
 

+ + + + + + +

Chris sat calmly across from the hand cuffed Chester Watson. At least by his appearances he was calm. Ezra was in with a doctor down the hall, so Josiah had procured a small currently deserted office to use for an interrogation. Placing his hands palms down on the wobbly table separating him from the drug dealer, Chris took a deep breath.

"You know what I want Watson."

"I'm sure you want many things Mr. Larabee." Josiah watched from the doorway noting the tips of Chris' fingers turning white from the pressure he was applying to the table. Maybe I'll just go check on Vin and Ezra, he thought stepping into the hall.

Upon their arrival to the hospital Nathan had confirmed the doctor's most recent report. JD had also been drugged. They were giving him drugs to counter act the effects of the hypnotic, but they'd given the same treatment to Ezra and it was obvious to all of them that the southerner still hadn't fully recovered.

"I'm not here to play games," Chris growled, "What's the trigger to getting my men back to normal?"

"Question is, were they ever normal to begin with?" the chuckle Watson started to follow his smart comment with, died in his throat as the table exploded into tiny shards of press board and plastic. He felt rough hands grab him by the shirt front, lifting and slamming him against the wall. He'd closed his eyes at the outburst and opened them now slowly. Chris Larabee's face was inches from his.

"Think it over you son of a bitch. I've got plenty of doctors around to put you back together and when they're done," he slammed Watson again for emphasis, "I'll just tear you apart again."

"Chris?" Josiah's anxious voice interrupted.

"What?" Larabee's eyes flared at Watson.

"We've got a problem with Ezra."

Chris immediately dropped Watson. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"He freaked out in the exam room, knocked the Doctor out. Vin's trying to talk to him," Josiah's eyes drifted to Watson, "He's not himself Chris."

Chris looked down at Watson and scowled. "You're coming along." He pulled the man up by his hair ignoring the yelps of protest. Kicking aside the remains of the table, he dragged Watson behind him, as he quickly followed Josiah.

The scene that awaited him down the hall caught him off guard for a second. Ezra paced nervously back and forth, as Vin stood blocking his path. The southerner bore little resemblance to the immaculate agent Chris was so used to working with. His hair was disheveled, dark circles ringed his eyes. His shirt was untucked and wrinkled. Roughly, Chris pushed Watson against the wall. "Stay here," he hissed.

Watson only grinned. He wasn't going anywhere, he didn't want to miss the show.

Chris and Josiah came up behind Vin cautiously. Ezra appeared to be muttering something to himself, as he rubbed viciously at his one arm. Shaking his head every now and then, he seemed to be arguing with himself.

"What's going on?" Chris asked Vin. What he was witnessing scared him.

Vin's shoulders sagged slightly, as he answered, "I don't know Chris. He wants to get to JD's room, I think. Muttered his name a few times."

Chris scanned the hall.

"It's behind us six doors down." Josiah filled in the information.

"Have you talked to him?" Chris asked.

"Only right after he knocked the doctor out. Told me to get out of his way, there was something he had to finish."

"Let's try again."

Vin nodded. "Hey Ezra?" he started calmly.

"Get out of my way Vin," Ezra's thick drawl was laced with emotion.

"We just need to know what we can do to help you." Vin's words rang through Ezra's head, but couldn't deaden the rising voices. You have to kill JD. If anyone tries to stop you, kill them.

"No," Ezra said out loud shaking his head.

"Ezra?" Chris kept his voice low and soft.

The voices were getting louder. If anyone tries to stop you, kill them. Ezra stopped in the center of the hall and faced his friends. "Get out of my way."

"We need to know where you're going first Ezra," Josiah explained.

"Get the hell out of my way!" Ezra shouted pulling a gun from his back waistband. He aimed it squarely at Vin's chest.

"Whoa now," all three agents took a step backwards, hands out non-threatening. None of them reached for their own guns.

"What are you doing Ez?" Vin asked, using the more familiar name he sometimes called his friend.

"I have to." Ezra blinked and shook his head again. Turmoil swirling in his green eyes.

"Have to what?" "I have to finish it," he stepped forward, "Now get out of my way."

"We can't Ezra," Chris told him.

'If anyone tries to stop you, kill them.'

"Now!" Ezra fired his gun at the ceiling. One of the plaster tiles exploded into dust. There were screams from the nurses station and a few people came out into the hall.

"Get out of the hall!" Josiah shouted, "Stay down."

Footsteps behind them signaled the arrival of Buck and Nathan.

"What the hell?" Buck started.

"Go back to JD's room now," Chris ordered without looking over his shoulder. Understanding the danger immediately, Buck slowly backed away until he was in JD's doorway. Watching Ezra and the others he cursed. What was going on?

Ezra's eyes darted from man to man .

"Get out of my way, please," his voice rasped.

"We can't do that Ezra," Josiah said carefully.

Emotion twisted Ezra's features. "I don't want to kill you." The gun was again aimed at Vin, but now it shook as Ezra's hand trembled. If anyone tries to stop you, kill them. Ezra pressed his free hand against one ear. They just stood there, Chris, Vin, Josiah, Nathan. They were his friends. They'd all saved his life more then once. They were the closest thing he had to a family. JD was family.

"Oh God," He whispered, as he faced his team. How could he have betrayed them this way?

'If you are stopped, kill yourself.'

Chris watched Ezra wrestle inwardly. Ever so slowly he took a step forward. "You won't kill us Ezra," he almost whispered.

"I can't I have to. Chris?"

"It's okay Ez. I trust you. We trust you," he took another step forward, "You won't kill us."

Ezra pointed the gun at him then back to Vin and back to Chris again. His head felt like it was slowly shattering. Chris trusted him. Vin stepped forward, as Chris spoke again.

"We understand you're confused. It's not your fault. Hand me the gun Ezra." Ezra's eyes widened, as the men moved slowly closer. He couldn't squeeze the trigger, not this time. JD's voice rang out in his memory. "Ezra No!" the guilt hit him in waves again, crashing like the incoming tide.

"I can't do it," he whispered closing his eyes. There was only one other option. If you are stopped, kill yourself.

SIX

The hospital hallway was silent, as one man stood before his friends. His mind tormented, his body trembling with his efforts to maintain control. Ezra knew what he had to do. He met Chris' eyes, then Vin's and Josiah's. He saw their own fear and confusion. He saw concern. The gun lowered slightly, as Ezra swallowed and closed his eyes. In a moment it'd be over. The voices would stop forever. This was the only way, the only redemption.
Josiah watched Ezra closely, as the confused agent met his gaze. For an instant he could see into the hollow green depths and realized what remained of the man he knew was dying. The moment Ezra began to lower the gun, Josiah was in motion. He didn't wait for Chris' signal, because he knew there wasn't time. His bulk moved with quickness and grace traversing the few feet between him and Ezra. He saw the smaller man's eyes close and the twist of his arm, as he turned the gun towards himself. Somewhere behind him, Josiah heard Vin yell, "Ezra No!" The southerner opened his eyes, tears instantly flowing. Josiah saw the recognition and anguish. It was the same thing JD had yelled out in his sleep earlier.

"Oh God." He heard the strangled whisper, as he barreled into Ezra grabbing the arm with the gun and slamming it hard into the floor as they landed in a tangled heap. Josiah cringed at the impact of Ezra's arm with the floor, knowing immediately that it had broken.

The whole incident took mere seconds, but to the involved agents time had slowed. Josiah lay on top of Ezra, now pinning him to the floor. He knew Chris and Vin were there. From the corner of his eye he saw Chris retrieve the gun and then heard Nathan trying to get through to check on Ezra. Carefully Josiah pulled back, his face almost touching Ezra's. "I'm sorry brother," he whispered, "I'm not losing you today."

"Josiah, Josiah let me check him. Vin get his doctor." Nathan was pulling Josiah off Ezra now.

"Watch him Nathan," Chris said fearing what Ezra might do next.

Nathan looked at the now catatonic agent on the floor. "He's not going anywhere right now Chris."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know."

"His arm's broke," Josiah said slowly climbing to his feet.

Nathan nodded. Right now he was more concerned with the fact that Ezra was just laying there staring at the ceiling.

"Ezra? Ezra? Can you hear me?" Ezra's empty eyes continued to stare. Nathan gently wiped a drying tear from the prone man's face expecting some reaction to his touch, there was nothing. "Ezra?" Nathan raised his voice and slapped Ezra's face lightly, "Come on Ez." Still nothing.

Chris watched Nathan work on Ezra. His own emotions threatening to break out of control. The world felt like it was revolving in slow motion ever since Josiah had begun to move. He could see people moving about in his peripheral vision. He heard Nathan pleading with Ezra to respond. Vin and the Doctor were coming toward them. Josiah stood to one side, a sadness in his countenance. Chris remembered Watson. Anger boiled to the surface, as Chris turned suddenly and strode to the observing drug dealer. Without a word he grabbed the man by his neck and hoisted him into the air.

"Aaahhhh!"

"What's the trigger?" Chris voice was eerily calm.

Watson struggled for air, as strong fingers squeezed his throat. "Won't do you any good," he stuttered. With one fluid motion Watson felt himself airborne. His flight ended as soon as it began when he hit the opposite wall.

"Let's try again," Chris grabbed him by the neck once more lifting him high.

"Somebody help me," Watson pleaded, but there was no one to listen, as he once again was sent flying into the wall. He rolled onto his back raising his cuffed hands up to protect his neck from another suffocating grasp. This time, however, Chris planted his foot firmly on his chest.

"You're out of time. What's the trigger?" Slowly he leaned over placing his hands on his slightly bent knee. Watson squirmed under the increasing pressure. "Please," he begged.

"The trigger," Chris pressed his foot down harder. It was like stepping on a bug and it took all his control to keep from crushing this particular insect.

"Okay, okay," Watson managed between gasps. Chris let up slightly, "The lights."

"What about them?"

"Turn them on and off three times."

"That's it?" it seemed too simple.

"Yes," Watson nodded grimacing.

"If that doesn't work"

"It will. I swear."

Chris released Watson with an extra shove that bordered on a kick and hurried back to where Nathan and the Doctor still knelt over Ezra.

"Get him in a room," he commanded, "Josiah watch him," he waved over his shoulder toward Watson. Two nurses arrived with a stretcher, their faces lined with a combination of fear and concern. Quickly Ezra was lifted onto the stretcher.

"Watch his arm," the doctor warned, as they took the precaution of strapping him down.

Once inside a private room Chris didn't wait for them to transfer Ezra to a bed. "Move back," he pushed the nurses aside, "Vin when I signal blink the lights on and off three times."

Vin nodded and stood by the light switch.

"Ezra? Ezra can you look at me?" Chris leaned over Ezra who didn't stir. "Ez, you gotta do this for me. Look at the lights. " He drew back so Ezra was staring up at the overhead flourecent lights and nodded to Vin.

Off and on, off and on, off and on. Three times Vin hit the switch. Chris held his breath, as he watched the light blind above Ezra's expressionless face. After an eternal minute Ezra blinked a few times and closed his eyes.

"Ezra, you okay?"

"Would someone care to explain why I'm staring at this infernal light?" the drawl was just a whisper, but the tone that had been missing for the last two weeks was back.

"We're getting you into a bed in a minute then we'll take care of your arm," Nathan explained.

Ezra nodded solemnly, "Oh God," he reached with his good d hand to touch his head, but was impeded by the restraints. A flash of panic slipped through his features, but was gone, as soon as it appeared. "I didn't dream it did I ?" he opened his eyes searching Chris' features.

Chris shook his head. "No, but it's over now."

"JD?"

"He'll be okay. Just relax so they can get you settled."

Nathan took his que from Chris and began to help the nurses move Ezra to the bed. "They're going to hook you up to an I-V to give you some medication."

"What for?"

"It's to counteract the hypnotic that Watson gave you."

"He is in your custody correct?" Ezra looked again to Chris for the answer.

"Regretting every minute of it." "As well he should."

+ + + + + + +

Buck is whispering softly to me. I can hear the words, but for some reason it's taking me a while to figure out what he's saying. Maybe I'm not awake enough yet.

"It's going to be okay kid."

I smile and force my eye open. It's getting easier each time I try.

"Hey."

"Hi Buck. " I glance around the room. "Where is everybody?"

A familiar grin crosses Buck's features. "They're out saving the world."

"And you didn't join them?"

"Nope." He still looks worried. I look at the ceiling a minute trying to clear my head. There's a commotion in the hall. Voices loud and strained. I hear Chris. Buck tenses beside me.

"Go," I tell him hiding the fact that my fear is rising. Ezra will kill you. The voices are returning. Just as Buck stands up, there's a gunshot. Buck runs out.

I stare at the ceiling again counting the tiles and trying to stay calm. Who would be shooting a gun in the hospital? My heart beats a little faster. The voices grow louder. Run, Ezra will kill you.

No, Ezra wouldn't hurt me. The voices don't seem as strong as I remember. Struggling to sit up a ways I realize it's not going to work. Too much pain, and too many tubes. I feel like my side is on fire. I watch the door anxiously. Buck's back, but he's facing into the hall. He glanced at me once. He's afraid of something.

Man I wish I knew what was going on. I feel like I've been in a separate world. I can see and hear everything that's going on, but it's all so far away. Every one is so far away. No one is coming to help you, No, I know better, but I can't chase away the doubt. What is wrong with me? I can't hear what's going on in the hall anymore. God I wish I was out there. All I've ever wanted was to be a part of something, a team, a family, both. I thought I had that but now...

I didn't realize I'd closed my eyes until I hear Buck calling me.

"JD?"

"Hmm?" he's standing over me. Chris is here and Nathan. "Hey guys," I sound weak. I hate being helpless in front of Chris.

"I'm going to ask you to do something for me." Chris looks stressed. "Sure." What can I do stuck in bed?

"I need you to star at the light and not close your eyes until I say."

"At the light?" This is weird.

"Yeah."

Now what's going on? "Okay." I settle back and look up. It's one of those big panel florescent lights. Why is the light so important? I wonder. I hear Chris say "Okay," to Nathan, I think then the light goes off and on. Off and on. Off and on. Three times. For a moment I keep staring at the brightness almost expecting to see something there. It's like there's a switch inside that's been thrown on all of the sudden. Like when the power's been knocked out in a thunderstorm and the electricity suddenly comes back on.

"JD? You okay son?" Buck asks.

"Yeah, I think so. What's going on?" My thoughts and memories are so jumbled. Like they're trapped behind a stage curtain that's very slowly rising and I can't quite get the whole picture yet.

"What can you remember?" Nathan and Chris move to one side of my bed.

"Starting when?" There's just so much. The three of them exchange a weird look like they're trying to decide what they should or shouldn't say. Ignoring them I close my eyes. I know I'm in the hospital again, because I ran, I ran because I was afraid of Ezra. Ezra? Ezra shot me. Opening my eyes I realize they are all staring at me.

"Ezra shot me." I can't believe that happened.

"We know JD," Buck touches my hand.

"Something's wrong with him though," I try to explain, "he acted all different and I know he was undercover and everything, but there was something else. Watson did something to him I think," My voice is speeding up as I talk and it's hard to breath, but I need to explain. To try to process it myself.

"Slow down JD," Nathan commands, "We know."

"What happened?" Please somebody explain all this to me.

"Watson gave Ezra and you both shots of a drug that let him basically hypnotize you," Nathan explained.

"I was hypnotized?" I've always wondered what it would be like to be hypnotized.

"Basically."

"Is that why I felt so afraid of Ezra at the apartment?" I can remember now, seeing the bullets and then gun.

"Yeah probably," Chris answers.

"Is Ezra okay now?" He doesn't still want to kill me does he?" I can't believe I just asked that question.

"He never wanted to kill you JD." Chris sits in the chair beside the bed now. He looked tired. They all do, but I guess they've been up all night. I nod trying again to process the information. Ezra didn't want to kill me. I still feel a little frightened though.

"Is he okay though?"

Chris nods. "I think so. Confused like you are. He's got a broken arm, but other than that physically he's fine."

Physically. "How'd he break his arm?" I wonder out loud.

"He fell."

I can't suppress a yawn.

"We should let him rest Chris," Nathan points out.

"I feel like all I do is sleep," I complain. I feel like they think I'm weak and lazy.

"Understandable. It's your body's way of healing JD. Don't fight it," Nathan smiles.

"Do you want me to stay?" Buck offers.

"Naw, you need rest. I'll be okay. " I want to be alone. Buck looks hesitant, but Nathan nods to him and motions for the door.

"Hey wait," I call after them.

Chris turns concern in his eyes. "What is it?"

"Am I still, you know, hypnotized at all?"

"No." His answer is firm and confident.

After they leave I lay there thinking. Running the events through my head again. It' like watching a movie I didn't even know I was staring in. It seems so unreal that something like this would happen. Ezra really did shoot me. I wonder if I'll be afraid when I see him. I hope not. Ezra is part of the family I always wanted. I don't want to lose the feeling of belonging I have here. I couldn't bear to lose that.

SEVEN

Chris stood leaning against the doorway of the quiet hospital room. He watched silently, as Ezra buttoned his shirt and grimaced at the action. The darker haired agent looked evilly at the cast on his arm.
"It would hurt less if you used that sling." Chris pointed to the discarded object on the bed.

Ezra looked up quickly. His pain immediately masked with the familiar poker face. Almost unreadable. Chris thought to himself.

"Thank you ever so much for that truly unsolicited advice Mr. Larabee," his tone was filled with sarcasm, but Ezra picked up the sling and maneuvered gracefully into the contraption anyway. "So have you arrived to accompany me in my liberation from this torturous institution?"

Chris shook his head smiling, How could he have missed this? "Be thankful they only decided to keep you an extra day."

"An extra day for a measly broken arm," Ezra started to go off on a tangent, but turned and looked at Chris instead his eyes filled with sudden apprehension, "Are they going to press charges against me?" The thought hadn't crossed his mind until just that moment. He had after all charged down a hospital hallway firing a loaded weapon, endangering many lives.

"Relax," Chris stepped closer, "We talked to the hospital administration. It's been taken care of."

"What about" Ezra's voice faded.

"JD is fine Ezra. He'll have to stay here for at least the rest of the week, but he's recovering quickly." He watched Ezra nod and look toward the window. "It's not your fault, remember?"

Ezra turned towards him again, the mask back in place, "I remember."

"You gonna go see him?"

"I was contemplating the option."

" I think you should. You two have a lot to talk about," Chris encouraged.

"Yeah," to himself Ezra continued, like how I almost killed him twice.

"He's worried about how you are doing."

"JD's worried about me?"

Chris grinned, "Asked about you already this morning."

Ezra ran his good hand through his hair and sighed. "Everyone else in there too, I suppose?"

"Not after I kick them out. Give me five minutes," Chris turned for the door, "Good to have you back Ezra."

"Thank you Mr. Larabee." Ezra watched Chris leave and then sank back down onto the bed a moment. He wanted to talk to JD, but not in front of everyone else. Not at first. He didn't know if he could bare to see the look of fear flash through JD's eyes again. It was Nathan who had explained to him that JD had been hypnotized to fear him like he had. What kind of man would hypnotize a kid into fearing someone he trusted? What kind of man would hypnotize another man into killing one of his partners? It had taken him a long time to become a part of this team. In his own way he knew he still tended to push the others away and lean toward the independent strain of thought, but he valued his place in this group of men. This team. This family. If JD was afraid of him it was over.

Ezra heard the commotion in the hall and smiled in spite of himself. They never did manage to go anywhere quietly. Somewhere the voice of a nurse cut through the voices, sternly reprimanding them into a fragile silence. Ezra sighed deeply and pushed himself off the bed. It was time to go see JD.

+ + + + + + +

Randomly I flipped through the channels on the TV mounted high across the room. Game show, game show, extreme sports competition, Dukes of Hazzard reruns. Nothing looked good to me this morning. Chris had just come in and chased everyone out to go to breakfast. There was something else on his mind, I think. I told him to bring me back an Egg Mcmuffin or something. This hospital food only manages to turn my stomach. I hate jello, at least this jello. At least today I could sit up a little bit while everyone was here. I'm tired of being in bed and have a feeling it's only just begun to get on my nerves. Nathan is quick to tell me to ease up. I just want to get out of here.

A sound at the door draws my attention and I look over. Ezra's standing there. He looks better then I remember. His arm is in a sling, his suit coat slung over one shoulder. It's wrinkled, but he's doing his best to pull off the look.

"Mind if I come in?" he asks.

"No, come on in," I turn the TV off. My heart is racing faster. I don't know what to say right now.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay I guess. Better." I fidget with the remote trying to get up the courage to look at him. I'm not really afraid, but at the same time I can see him raising the gun and sneering at me. It wasn't really Ezra I remind myself. "How are you doing?" I remember his arm.

A soft chuckle. "I'm fine. "

I finally look at him. Not just at his arm, but at his face, his eyes.

"Really?"

He bows his head a little and looks around the room.

"I'm fine Mr. Dunne, it's you I'm concerned about."

"Me?"

"I owe you an apology."

"For what?"

"JD?" His eyes meet mine. " I shot you," the words are whispered.

"Oh that," he looks at me kind of shocked and I laugh, but catch myself. It still hurts to laugh. Ezra moves forward.

"Do you need me to get the nurse?"

"No, I just forget it hurts to laugh. Ezra, I know you didn't mean to shoot me. I mean, It wasn't really you."

"Doesn't change the fact that I did shoot you JD. I should have been able to" his voice trailed off.

"No, but you didn't kill me and that's what Watson told you to do right?" I can't let this come between us anymore. He nodded slowly. "Don't you see?" Our eyes met again, there was understanding in his.

"Maybe, I'm beginning to." "Ezra I'm not afraid of you. I don't care what memories I have of what happened. I know you. I trust you and I know you would never hurt me." The words sort of just tumbled out of my mouth making me feel like I'm babbling. " This" I wave my arm around. "job is important to me, I'm realistic enough to know stuff happens. You," I feel kind of sheepish saying it, but I do anyway, "mean a lot to me. You and Buck, and Chris, everybody. You guys are the closest I have to family and" I finally manage to shut up a minute. Ezra is looking at his hand. Taking a deep breath I go on. Might as well say it all. My voice is softer, "I never felt very close to you before now. I figured you always took me for just a kid."

He looks up, as if to protest, but I put up my hand stopping him. "It's okay. I just feel like we have a connection now I guess."

"We do," his voice sounded raspy.

It's quiet in the room for a minute. The only sound is the hum of the light above the bed. I can't stand quiet for too long. "At least I know there's someone else who understands what it's like to be hypnotized. I always thought getting hypnotized would be like someone making you act like a chicken or something."

Ezra laughs out loud at that. "It wasn't exactly what I had in mind either," he admits.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"Did you hear voices?"

His eyes cloud and grow serious again. "I did."

I feel relieved it wasn't just me, "I thought maybe I was crazy."

"Me too."

" I don't hear them anymore, but," I wasn't sure how to explain it. "It's almost like you can still feel them in there?" I nod, not believing he said it so clearly. Our eyes meet and I know we understand each other.

In the hallway I can hear Buck's voice first, then the others. "Seems our compatriots have returned," Ezra whispers.

"Good, I'm starved." I flash him a grin, which to my surprise he returns. Carefully I sit up a little taller in bed.

"JD, before we're interrupted with breakfast"

"Yeah?"

"You are excellent at your job and I have always been honored to work with you."

I can't help, but grin at him. "Really?"

"Really." He smiles and somehow I know things are going to turn out okay.

"Hey kid, brought you breakfast just like you asked! Hey Ez, brought something for you too." Buck's voice boomed over Ezra's next low comment, but I heard it all the same.

"And you were never just a kid."

                                                  THE END