�You took my painting.�
Startled, McKay looked up from his jell-o. �What?� He stared as Ronon dropped a full tray of food and snacks down across from him and slowly lowered himself into the seat across from him.
�You. Took. My. Painting.�
Crap. Rodney blinked. What was he supposed to respond to that?
Ronon glowered at him.
�I gave it back,� he defended. He stabbed his spoon into the blue goo, glancing down at the loud �schloop�ing sound it made. He really did not want to have this conversation here�or at all for that matter.
�Teyla gave it back,� Ronon continued gruffly.
�Well, I asked her to.�
�I never said you could take it.�
The accusation in Ronon�s tone flipped a switch in Rodney. Instead of feeling self conscious and embarrassed, anger flared within. He tossed the barely touched jell-o cup down onto his tray, ignoring the blue globs that splashed over the edge.
�You got the damn thing back. What more do you want?� He stood, shoving his tray and sending it smacking soundly into Ronon�s, forcing the Satedan to scramble to keep two trays worth of food from landing in his lap as he watched McKay stormed out of the room.
McKay jabbed the transporter�s screen and closed his eyes as he waited, trying to rein in his emotions. He heard the doors open again once he�d been transported to the site outside his lab and knew he needed to move. There were projects that needed his attention and reports he needed to catch up on. Instead, he leaned back against the side of the transporter, suddenly at a loss for enough energy to even move. His mind took over, flashing him back to the wraith cell. To the horrifically tight grip on his arm as he was dragged away from Sheppard and Teyla. Teyla�s voice echoed in his memory. �Stay strong.� Ha. Since when was he ever the strong one? He covered his face with his hands as he felt himself tremble. He hadn�t known what was happening to John or Teyla or Ronon.
God, he was so screwed up. He was exhausted from going from fear, to joy, to anger and back again. It was like he�d lost the ability to grab onto just one emotion or feeling and simply focus. Instead, it jumbled all together in a confusing mass. How could a person feel everything at one time? He knew he should feel relief. He should feel joy. They had survived again. Ronon was back. The Satedan was staying and every part of Rodney rejoiced that Ronon was going to stick around�but at the same time�McKay was livid.
The only reason Ronon was staying was because his so-called friends had turned out to be Wraith worshipers. Ronon had chosen to go. He would have left Atlantis�he would have left the team. He would have left� Rodney tried to understand the conflict Ronon must have felt. Feeling like he had to choose between his people and Atlantis, his second home. But the selfish part of him couldn�t understand.
The selfish part was just so very very tired of losing friends.
�What the hell is your problem, McKay?�
Rodney yelped and flinched into the corner, cowering instinctively before he realized it was Ronon standing there and blocking any escape. �Don�t do that!� Rodney put his hand flat against his chest, willing his racing heart to calm. He frowned at Dex. How had Ronon known where he was going or even gotten to the lab so fast without using a transporter? The man was frightening.
�I asked you a question.� Ronon was seething. His hulking body made the transporter feel like it was shrinking in on McKay.
�Get out of my way.� Rodney started forward, but Ronon shot a hand out and pinned him back against the wall with a solid but obviously restrained shove.
�I asked you a question,� he repeated.
McKay matched Ronon�s scowl. �I don�t have a problem. Get out of my way.�
Ronon crossed his arms in front of him like a sentry. �No.�
�Ronon.� McKay rubbed a hand wearily over his face. �I don�t have time for this.�
�Make time.� Ronon was not budging.
Rodney took a slow breath and mirrored Ronon�s posture, trying to hide trembling hands from the sharp eyed former runner.
�Why�d you take my painting?� Ronon�s voice was demanding.
�Oh, for pete�s sake.� McKay threw his arms up in frustration. �Will you let it go? I gave the damn thing back.�
�I never said you could take it.� Ronon�s voice stayed low and even in sharp contrast to McKay�s.
�Do we really have to have this exact conversation again? Are you actually trying to be this stupid?�
Ronon stepped into the transporter, towering over Rodney.
�My god, you really are a Neanderthal aren�t you?� Rondey was shouting now, his words and tone turning into defensive weapons. �Yes, yes. I took your ugly painting without your damn permission. Are you happy now?� He jabbed a finger into Ronon�s chest, ignoring the resulting growl. �But you sure as hell weren�t planning on coming back anyway so I figured it didn�t matter. You don�t get to be all pissed off about it.� He stepped forward.
�You.� He jabbed Ronon again. �Weren�t. Coming. Back.� His anger seeped out of him, his last word nothing more than a whisper. Pain stabbed through him. First it was Ford and then Carson and Oh God, Elizabeth and�Rodney closed his eyes. He couldn�t take anymore. He hadn�t even learned how to be part of a family until coming to Atlantis. Now it felt like John, Teyla and Ronon�they were all he had left and Ronon�he had chosen to walk away.
The transporter was silent save for their breathing for a long moment.
�McKay.� Something in Ronon changed. His voice softened, his posture relaxed. His shoulders slumped under his own burdens. One hand came up as if to rest on Rodney�s shoulder but lingered in mid air between them a moment before Ronon dropped it back to his side.
Meeting the Satedan�s gaze, Rodney could instantly see Ronon�s struggle, his pain and his confusion. He�d been betrayed by those he�d thought were still his family and he�d lost them. McKay gaped at the realization. They were struggling over the same thing. He could see it now in Dex. They were both so tired of losing their friends. Their family.
God, sometimes he really was just a selfish bastard. �Look.� Rodney cleared his throat, trying to recover and sound normal. �I- I�m sorry I took your painting without asking if it was okay with you first.� He looked down at the floor and then up to meet Ronon�s gaze again. �It won�t happen again.�
Ronon nodded, his hand coming up and this time landing on McKay�s shoulder. �No.� He squeezed lightly, not looking away. �It won�t.�
It should have felt like a threat but as Ronon stepped out of the transporter so that Rodney was now free to leave�McKay recognized the promise in the words and found himself smiling as he started down the hall.
�McKay?� Ronon�s questioning tone turned him around again.
�Yeah?�
�Why did you want the painting?� The accusations were gone, replaced with genuine curiosity.
Rodney shrugged, feeling a bit like an idiot and embarrassed to share the truth.
�It was yours.� He admitted honestly before hurrying away.
Ronon had thought it wasn�t a big deal. He�d promised himself he wouldn�t get worked up about it, but the sight of McKay, sitting there in the mess hall, eating his damn blue jello just reignited Ronon�s annoyance.
McKay didn�t look up as he approached.
�You took my painting.�
Rodney looked startled and confused. �What?�
Dropping his tray onto the table, Ronon sat down across from McKay and tried to look as intimidating as possible. What right did McKay have to help himself to his things?
�I gave it back.�
Rodney tried to defend himself as he messed around with his food. He looked guilty.
�Teyla gave it back,� Ronon pointed out.
�Well, I asked her to.�
�I never said you could take it.� Maybe if Rodney had asked instead of just taking, if he�d thought about someone other than himself for once. He saw Rodney�s anger grow at the accusation, but he didn�t care. He wanted to hear how McKay would try to talk his way out this one.
Rodney threw the jello down, splashing it across both trays. �You got the damn thing back. What more do you want?� And then he stood and shoved his tray into Ronon�s.
Ronon barely kept the trays of food from dumping all over him as Rodney left. His own anger intensified. He didn�t need this from McKay. He wasn�t going to just sit and take it either. Leaving the food, Ronon followed Rodney only to miss him in the transporter. Where was McKay going? Ronon decided to start with Rodney�s lab. It was close by- only a quick jog from the mess.If he wasn�t there, Dex knew it wouldn�t take long to hunt the man down.
Jogging through the halls, Ronon tried to suppress the memories of the mission even as he sped up, his urgency growing. He could hear the p-90 fire and remembered the feeling in his gut when he knew his team was in trouble. He�d had to help, leaving his fellow Satedans behind. It hadn�t been enough. He couldn�t even begin to describe the feelings of being torn between his people and his team�his family.
He started to pass the transporter closest to McKay�s lab when he saw that McKay was still inside, his face covered. There was something pathetic about the sight, but Ronon�s anger kept him from caring much.
�What the hell�s your problem, McKay?� He enjoyed the initial frightened reaction from Rodney.
�Don�t do that!� McKay�s frown refueled his anger, burying the other hurts.
�I asked you a question.� He stepped just into the transporter�s entrance, wanting to make Rodney feel trapped.
�Get out of my way.� Rodney started forward, but Ronon pinned him back with a light shove. It�d be so easy to just let go on McKay, to unleash all of his anger, but he held himself in check. This was Rodney.
�I asked you a question,� he repeated instead.
McKay scowled up at him. �I don�t have a problem. Get out of my way.�
Not gonna happen, Ronon thought as he crossed his arm. �No.�
�Ronon.� McKay looked suddenly weary. �I don�t have time for this.�
�Make time.� Ronon nearly spit the words out before he caved in and let Rodney leave. He watched closely as Rodney imitated his own stiff posture. Was McKay shaking? Was he really that afraid of him?
�Why�d you take my painting?� Ronon tried to keep his voice calm, but he wanted an answer. He wanted the truth.
�Oh for pete�s sake.� McKay threw his arms up dramatically. �Will you let it go? I gave the damn thing back.�
�I never said you could have it.� He watched McKay�s face turn red.
�Do we really need to have this exact conversation again? Are you trying to be this stupid?�
Stepping into the transporter now, Ronon recognized McKay�s harsh rant for what it was, an attempt to get him to back off.
�My God, you really are a Neanderthal aren�t you?� McKay was shouting, but Ronon stayed put. �Yes, yes. I took your ugly painting without your damn permission. Are you happy now?� He jabbed Ronon�s chest. It hurt and Ronon growled threateningly. There was only so much he would take, even from McKay.
�But you sure as hell weren�t planning on coming back anyway so I figured it didn�t matter. You don�t get to be all pissed off about it!� He stepped forward.
�You. Weren�t. Coming. Back.�
He watched McKay deflate in front of him. He recognized the shadow of grief play over Rodney�s face and realized the truth with sudden clarity. He�d hurt McKay.
He�d talked to Teyla and he�d talked to Sheppard about his struggle to decide what to do�but he had never considered McKay. He hadn�t thought about if it would even affect Rodney to have him leave and suddenly he knew�it would.
He�d been so selfish.
Anger melted into his own guilt and hurt.
�McKay.� His throat felt like it was filled with sand. He wanted to take the pain he�d caused. He wanted to grasp Rodney�s shoulder, but he let his hand fall. Instead of reaching out, he met Rodney�s gaze.
There was a long moment of silence before Rodney�s eyes widened. He cleared his throat. �Look.� McKay sounded almost normal and Ronon wondered for a second if it was real. �I-I�m sorry I took your painting without asking if it was okay with you first.� His eyes flicked down to the floor and then he looked up again. �It won�t happen again.�
Ronon nodded, unsure if he could actually say the words he wanted to. Instead he reached out again and this time made contact with McKay�s shoulder. �No.� He squeezed lightly, �It won�t.� He willed Rodney to understand what he couldn�t seem to say.
I won�t leave again- not by choice. Please believe in me. I�m staying. I�m home.
He stepped back so Rodney could leave now, trying to figure out if he could or even should try one more time.
�McKay?�
Rodney stopped and turned back toward him. �Yeah?�
�Why did you want the painting?� He tried to keep the question non-threatening. He just needed to know. Why was his painting so important to McKay? What did the scientist see in it?
Rodney looked slightly embarrassed before he shrugged.
�It was yours.�
