If it Weren't for Bad Luck...
By:debby
Rating: pg for a little language I guess
disclaimer: do not own them and am certainly not
making a profit.

Warnings: DID I mention how Bored I was?
Silliness abounds when I'm tired and bored so..
well..nuff said.

Comments: apologies, it's not betaed but is spell
checked. Credit where credit is due.. this was all my
husband's idea.

Enjoy!

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Chris Larabee took a deep breath and silently counted to ten. When he got out of this he was positive someone's life was going to end.  JD jostled him from one side causing him to bump into a growling Vin.  Nope, two lives were going to end.  Josiah Sanchez and Nathan Jackson were going down.
 

It's not like it was unusual for Josiah to volunteer team 7 for charity events and  shows for children but this, this was going to far. Way too far.  Chris caught the look from Ezra and amusement suddenly broke through his anger.  The look of absolute indignation crossing the southerner's face was worth millions.

Ezra felt his gaze and turned to him scowling.  "Don't even think of laughing at my person Mr. Larabee. I assure you there will enough photographic reminders of this event to remind you that you look as abhoridly ridiculous as I do."

"He's got a point, Cowboy." Vin muttered under his breath. Smashed tightly in-between the two men, Vin wanted to fade into the woodwork.  How on earth had he gotten into this position?  Josiah and Nathan were going to pay dearly for tricking them into this.  He hated being on stage. Even if it was for a good cause.

This talent show was the last thing he ever would have volunteered for but of course Sanchez and Jackson had refused to let them know what they would be doing until a half hour ago.  Those two were going to die, slowly.

"Where's Buck?" JD asked searching back stage for his roommate. "He's suppose to be up here too I think."

JD appeared to be the least effected by the current events.  He bounced on his feet with pre performance jitters  The long thick stage curtain tempting him to peek out at the murmuring crowd.
 

"The last time I saw Mr. Wilmington, our associates," Ezra spit the last word "were physically manipulating him into a horse costume."

"A horse?" Chris and Vin looked at each other then at Ezra.

"That's what it looked like to me." Standish drawled back.

"This could be worse then." Chris somehow found comfort in the fact he wasn't in Buck's shoes.

"I wonder how many people are out there?" JD leaned forward towards the curtain.

"Don't touch that JD. We don't need to know." Vin gasped as his stage fright seemed to increase.

JD pulled his hand back from the musty material and stepped back into place. "I just want to get this over with."

"You guys are on in two minutes." A stage hand barked as he ran by and thrust a large brown jug into Ezra's hands.

Ezra moaned and looked at his newest prop.  He'd rather spend a month with his mother than be hereright now.   It wasn't bad enough that Sanchez had tricked them. No then he dressed them up in these atrocious denim overall get ups and failed to mention until a half hour ago that they were opening the charity show.  All of his protests fell on Josiah's deaf ears.

"Mr. Sanchez, I am an undercover agent. I don't need to be prancing around on stage drawing attention to myself." He'd insisted.

"Brother Ezra you're the best undercover agent I know." Josiah has smiled evilly. "Take on your roll and make us believe it, no one will be the wiser."

Then with a rough shove he'd been pushed back stage where someone had taken it upon themselves to shove this sorry excuse for  a hat onto his head.   Ezra took a deep breath hearing Nathan's voice over the sound system.  Somehow Jackson had managed to wrangle the position of hosting this event.  He'd passed by them earlier unable to control his laughter.  Of course he would be the one able to where a tuxedo to the event. Ezra was sure that even Vin would trade up for a tux about now.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to tonight's Show! We thank you for coming out tonight to support us in raising funds for the new children's wing at Four Corners General.  Now sit back, relax and enjoy the show! Our first act of the evening, courtesy of Denver's own branch of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. Don't worry folks they work better than they sing!"

JD suppressed a giggle as Chris growled "He's gonna die."

Sharp twangy music filled the air and suddenly the curtains parted with a rush of noise and air. Bright lights blinded the four agents making it impossible to see the audience but as the roar of laughter reached them they realized they didn't want to see it.
 

Together Chris and Vin began to sing. "Oh where, oh where are you tonight? Why did you leave me hear all alone?"

Josiah stood down front trying to control his own mirth and hold the video camera still.  He knew he was going to pay dearly for this and yet somehow seeing his teammates on stage made up for it all.  He smiled as JD bopped up and down slightly. Ezra, God bless him, was managing to play his part even in the tattered overalls and straw hat.  It was obvious to all that the four were not particularly thrilled to be on stage singing  but that only added to the humor of the situation. This was priceless and Sanchez knew it was about to get better.

As Chris eyed Vin warily out of the corner of his eye as he reached the most dreaded part of the song. He knew it was coming.

"But you met another and"

"Blphhht"  Vin razberried into his face. " you was gone."

Chris glared evilly as he wiped the small amount of moisture from his face. He could tell JD was trying to control a giggle as they started the chorus.  Oh yes someone was surely going to suffer for this.

Josiah again stifled his laughter, the audience roaring behind him.

"Gloom, despair and agony on me." the four managed to start the chorus but suddenly from off stage lumbered a large brown uncoordinated mass of synthetic fur.

From appearances it was suppose to resemble a horse and yet as Buck stumbled about the stage, a horse was the last thing on anyone's mind.

Josiah watched through the camera lens as Buck tripped and suddenly headed straight into the four men. There was absolutely nothing he could do to prevent the collision as the five agents crumpled to the floor in a mass of straw, denim and fur.

Over the music and laughter Nathan thought he heard someone cry out.  Quickly he signaled for the curtains to come down and motioned for Josiah to stall for time and introduce the next act.

Quickly Josiah hopped up on stage. Straightening his own bow tie he gave the audience a moment to try and recover. How the other acts were going to follow this one he had no idea.  "Let's just give our agents a moment or too to untangle themselves and we'll continue on with our program." More laughter.

Backstage Nathan stood over the other five men with his hands on his hips. "Are you guys okay? We need you up and off stage for the next act."

"Then get out of our way." Chris growled shooting him a deadly glare.

"Anybody hurt?" Nathan had to ask.

"Not yet." Vin threatened as he pulled himself out from under Buck.

"Good Lord, you have got to be kidding me." Ezra's voice wavered slightly in his disbelief.  "Who the hell gave JD the pitch fork?"

Buck quickly scrambled up, the horse head now discarded.  Nathan moved forward.

"JD you okay?" He asked suddenly concerned.

"I'm fine. " JD admitted. "It's Ezra… I accidentally..."

"You what?" Nathan looked at JD then to Ezra who lay on the floor clutching his right thigh.

"I think I stabbed him with the pitch fork."

"I have no doubt of that." Ezra muttered.

Nathan quickly examined Ezra's leg, pulling apart the material of his overall. "You weren't partial to these were you?" He asked with a grin.

"Hardly."

Careful to avoid getting blood on his rented tux Nathan looked over the wound. Three equally spaced punctures right above the knee.  "You need to get pressure on that and get to the hospital. They aren't real deep but you'll need a tetanus shot at least and maybe stitches. And no you can't change your clothes first. "

Ezra groaned.

Buck was the first one to start laughing triggering a chain reaction in JD and Vin.

"What may I ask do you find so amusing?" Ezra looked at his friends.

Buck just reached out and helped him up onto his good foot. "If it weren't for bad luck," he looked at the others who finished with him. "You’d have no luck at all."