CAST:
Courtney - Benjamin Franklin, Mom
Amanda - Mary Wollstonecraft, Narrator, Kid
Melina - Thomas Jefferson, Swedish Commentator
Marisa - Isaac Newton
Opening statement..............
N: On November 18, Case 5285 of Richard Thompson was declared dead in his country cottage in the city of Gettysburg. The only evidence recovered was a women�s rights sign through his head, a pen in a bloody puddle, an apple by his side with a bruise upon his head, and bifocals shoved down his throat tearing his esophagus. In this courtroom on November 18 standing before you are the alleged killers of Richard Thompson.
Sir Isaac Newton: I didn�t do it!
Ben Franklin: I�m totally not guilty!
Thomas Jefferson: I certainly did not commit this intolerable act!
Mary W. � I�m a lady, how could I commit such a crime!?
N: Would sir Isaac Newton please come to the stand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Sir Isaac: I do
N: Our court has found evidence in relations to the area where Richard Thompson was recovered. The relative evidence found was a bruised apple lying on the ground close to where the victim was found along with a bruise upon his temple. Would you care to expound on the subject?
Sir Isaac: Well, as a matter of fact I would like to expound on the subject, what I discovered while daydreaming under the apple tree. There I was, deep in thought, when an apple fell on my head and I had an epiphany. In this idea I formed the theory of gravity. Therefore, I the founder of such an exceptional revelation could not have killed Richard Thompson. I am too much of an educated man to commit such an intolerable act.
N: Would you care to tell us just what you were doing the night of Richard Thompson�s death?
Sir Isaac: After a long experiment I decided to toss around some apples. You know, work on my throw for a bit, keeping this figure is a second job.
N: Benjamin Franklin please step forward. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Ben F: I do.
N: Ben Franklin, as a witness was passing by your home they saw you fiddling with a pair of bifocals. Do you happen to find this at all odd?
Ben F: Why are you feeling so tense about the whole deal? Anyway, I was just slowly going about my daily routines while fixing up the bifocals to make them new and improved for the challenged few. Goodness�. just relax ok?
N: Now Benjamin, what were your plans for November 17th and what did you do throughout the day?
Ben F: Well, like I previously stated, I went through my normal day, laid back as usual. I finished my busy work and decided to touch up my inventions, focusing on the bifocals, which can always use some new wiring and couple twists and jams to fix them right up.
N: Thank-you for your testimony, Thomas Jefferson please come to the stand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Thomas J: I do
N: Thomas Jefferson, the crime scene investigators found a piece of parchment with your signature all over it�. And a fountain pen with your name inscribed lying in a puddle of blood. Would you care to embellish?
Thomas J: Oh! Well you see, I was just practicing my signature for signing the declaration of independence. You know how people make such a big deal about a man�s signature these days�
N: Do you object to being charged with murder?
Thomas J: Of course! How could I, a founding father of our nation, kill someone that I am trying to help?
N: Thank-you Thomas, Mary Wollstonecraft please step to the stand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Mary W: This is outrageous!! You suspect me of a crime I didn�t commit, yet you won�t let me vote!! This government is so hypocritical it�s ridiculous.
N: That was outspoken for Mary Wollstonecraft that will have to be omitted from the record. Proceed with caution Mrs.
Mary W: Well, if you must know, I was spending a lovely evening with my dear husband and children while sitting by the fire reading a lovely play by Shakespeare. That night after I put my children to sleep I decided to work on more �women�s rights� posters.
N: That concludes our questioning I call for break and when the jury returns I expect a verdict and consequence for each of these individuals, if convicted.
Commercial By Melina � Swedish Ikea
Broadcaster: Sorry for the interruption we picked up a foreign station, and now back to your scheduled broadcast.
N: Attention! Order in the court!! Silence!!! The court has reached its verdict! The verdict is�.
(white noise and television turns off)
Kid: ���..�.aww mom I was watching that���
Mom: Honey you can catch the ending another time, you know you some more Haskell homework to finish.