34 - Are We Being Tested?

Are we being tested? I have yet to come across someone who does not feel that life is testing him/her, although I am sure there are people who do not think that way.

Some people ascribe the test to God, others to the blind hand of destiny, others to the people in their lives who are giving them a bad time, or who are opposing them. Some feel tested by those they have to serve, or by the health of their own body, or by their inadequacy. But can one really say that our fate is preordained? If that were so, there would be no room for free will.

How aptly do the words of Christ, "Why hast Thou forsaken me?" apply! Al Hallaj, tortured and crucified, who therefore one could say, was tested in the extreme, said, "Thy abandonment of me is a proof of Thy love, for Thou testest most those Thou lovest most." I would propose as an alternative, "Those Thou valueth most", just like a school teacher will give more difficult tasks to the better pupils.

Be it as it is, there seem to be degrees of tests. One tends to believe one's test is just about the worst possible one. Perhaps one of the tests where one's ability is challenged to its limits occurs when one is endeavoring to love a person one dislikes. There may be several reasons for disliking a person. The most obvious one is if he/she acts cruelly or ruthlessly towards other people or oneself. The extreme case is torture, physical or psychic, harassment to the point of mind bending, or confusing someone in his/her conscience to the point of torment, like making someone recant, or through intimidation or persecution. The second reason is often related to the first one, that is, when one pursues his/her interest and disregards the wellbeing of another, or unjustly flaunts the right of another, one acts grossly out of self interest.

The third reason is blatant dishonesty in the pursuit of one's own interest. Pursued in the extreme, this behavior might lead towards incriminating another for one's own misdeed and getting away with it, particularly by using bribery, coercion, extortion, blackmail, or foul play. This kind of psychic coercion can work very subtly, surreptitiously destroying another's psyche without the other realizing it. One tends to give in from sheer mental or emotional exhaustion to a stronger ego, especially if one does not have the clarity to nail the hoax of his/her arguments. Confusion and uncertainty are compounded when these acts are ambiguously mixed with an occasional generous thought and word, perhaps even materialized in an act serving as a windscreen that seems to vindicate all the less tasteful actions. One should add to this list a disagreeable person, simply bad tempered, unpleasant, inconsiderate, often someone nurturing a grudge or convinced that he/she has been wronged.

The cases just quoted are obviously extreme; sometimes one can see better by magnifying. There are, of course, degrees of this. The opposite is probably also true: one is oneself guilty of precisely the same attitudes and so there is a double reverberation, thus escalating the psychic tension between two beings. More frequently, those features are more accentuated in one person than another, but present to some degree in both. Consequently, there is wear and tear on the psyche, particularly of those exercising these features less intensely. Conversely, the ascendency exercised by the one excelling in one or more of these features upon the one less so inclined is detrimental to the ego of the former and is reinforced by the condescension of the less aggressive one which is tantamount to a condonance.

Obviously, one cannot endorse these attitudes. When they are chronically reiterated, one condemns them in one's mind. Can one judge an action without being judgmental of the person?  It is indeed difficult to dissociate the actions from the person, consequently, it becomes most difficult to like the person. Can one dislike a person and still love him/her? Here comes what I believe to be the ultimate test. Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan says, "We are tested in life in our love." That is the rub. That is the message of Christ.

But I think one needs to combine love with detachment, not just love or not just detachment. Surrounding oneself with a zone of silence is a necessary protection, if nothing else, for the psyche with which one cannot argue logically or ethically, and which registers resentment beyond one's conscious control. Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan once said that you can only turn your cheek if it is a buffer protecting the heart, that it might love irrespective of the treatment from outside, otherwise one would be acting instead of reacting.

Therefore, love is the prime action. I believe this is the most difficult thing in the world; everyone is tested in exactly this way. This test is more important than Samadhi or even Samadhi with open eyes because it transcends understanding.
