106 - The Banquet

I entered the back door of Your house, oh Lord;
and stole my joy unseen and undiscovered
Like an uninvited guest, I sampled
The wine of thy divinity.
Oh Lord, like a thief, I crept
Into Your treasure trove
And spun the radiant light upon my brow
To enter all the hearts of pearls.
Beauty will always be your cosmic love.
Oh Lord, forgive me then for this love's trespassing
Unready for the banqueting hall,
This uninvited guest,
Was unprepared for Thy great glory!
Dazzled by your light Divine,
I am now left alone in my crying,
Half blinded by the sun ... and tears.
Mary Inayat Khan

Do we realize yet that we all participate in the delights of the cosmic feast only to the degree of our nostalgia? What a gift is ours: sharing in the cosmic celebration, in the cosmic banquet!

From our personal vantage point, we feed on the fabric of the Planet - in fact on the fabric of the galaxies; yet does it ever occur to us that by ingesting food, by breathing, by thinking, by feeling, by suffering, by rejoicing, by experiencing, by discovering our Planet, by exploring stars in outer space, by espying the thinking materializing as the cosmos, we are transforming the Planet (the galaxies) into humans - into ourselves?

Brahman is food. Taitiriya Upanishad.

This sacrament becomes holy when we realize that the universe is a Being traditionally called God from whose very nature we inherit, if we recognize our host.

There are grades, of course between the fast food snack, the rustic "pot au feu" or the refined banquet, and we have a choice between the chatter, elegant conversations, or participating in holy communion notwithstanding those starving souls who crawl to pick up the crumbs from the floor. Pride of place is given to the privileged ones who have earned their official invitation at the behest of the "powers that be", the spiritual VIPs who legislate the dos and don'ts of our spiritual lives, and who organize the faithful into "the institutionalization of spirituality" to those adepts who, owing to their assiduity in spiritual practice, by dint of asceticism and piety, are person grata.

But is there room for the non-invited at the banquet, for those who feel they do not deserve that privilege, for those with tears yet sunshine in their eyes? Does Divine love stay the hand of the sentinel? Would the Divine host refuse admission to those who solicit His/Her grace? Al Hallaj was certainly not welcomed by those who arrogated to themselves the right to legislate for the prevailing religious authority which condemned him. Could we conjecture that, in his case, bureaucracy was bypassed by the Divine host Him/Herself, but at the cost of what suffering!

I have been invited to the banquet by the Divine host, who offered me to drink from His chalice but his drink is poison. How could I refuse? Al Hallaj.

Those who venture closer to the Divine host are either awed (Haybat) by His/Her majesty, or moved by Divine love by His/Her proximity (uns).

God annihilates the souls of those who love Him by revealing His majesty and endows their hearts with everlasting life by revealing His beauty... When God manifests His glory to a man's heart so that His majesty (jelal) predominates, he feels awe (haybat), but when God's beauty (jemal) predominates, he feels intimacy (uns)...There is a difference between one who is burned by His majesty in the fire of glorification, and one who is illuminated by His beauty in the light of contemplation. Hujwiri, Kashf ul Mahjub

The lover, desperately longing for the presence of the beloved, runs the risk of encountering opposition from the world. In traditional lore, he/she needs to proceed by stealth, incognito, to evade the prison wreaked upon him/her by authority. Protected by the darkness, in the night of unknowing, St John found freedom from the prison that our societies have built for the unconventional, the rebels.

On a dark night, kindled in love with yearnings - oh happy chance! In darkness and in concealment, My house being now at rest in the happy night In secret when none saw me, Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart, This light guided me more securely than the light of noonday To the place where He (well I knew who!) was awaiting me. Oh night that guided me, Oh night more lovely than the dawn Oh night that joined Beloved with lover. Lover transformed in the Beloved. St. John of the Cross

If we feel we have not earned the Divine grace, we may invite the Divine joy of giving.
