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=shtuyot1

In Campra of the Lesser Alps
5 June '05 , so say the Romans:

SO KNOW NOW PEASANTS BY THESE PRESENTS
that
Master Imventor, Luciano Napoliano
or 'Gal-Or'
and whomsoever he or I shall henceforth name
is hereby designated
Paralegal Rep to Me
in matters any* of my
Right to Continue'd Tenancy 
in DOBERDANE ESTATES
aka a
Steel_Reinforced__Concrete__Rustic__Bugalow__Number__One_o'_One
Rue des Desreputables
Mevo Meshuganim Mevo (mi) Modi'in
"The Land that Time Forgot"
being a Primitive Peoples' Them Park Reservation
for Frumie Dervashim
within the nation which
ISREAL

to Which I now Affix                 (My Hand)
the Witness Whereunto shall do       (My Script)

and in Intent that this shall Stand 
from 4 July 1776
as_it_is_said:
"The Right of U.S. Citizens to be Immune within their Home
 from Search_&_Seizure 
 shall no man 
 nor lesser human
 trespass 'gainst."

and in ACCORD whereof
(and any  previous shtuyot Contract
 interminably appended and revised
 by hireless lawyer on hourly fee 
 NOTWITHSTANDING)
may no BIPED ( Human Gnome nor Kangeroo )
enter onto unto nor into
Land nor Home
of DOBERDANE ESTATES
save but by Gracious Invitation, Prior Proferred
of Acting Mistress of the Turf, Ms. Miriam Gal-Or
Painter in Oils and Aesters
for Fear of Being Eaten by a 
otherwise preocuupied DALMATION
Bitch

(which
may mayhap be led astray
by this DEVICE which now shall I
Display

in this   *** APPENDIX : ***

-----------------------

If you but do this that I
shall now DESCRY
and do it too in Order and in ever Wise
(as is our WAY in better Days)

Viz: 't Is This

ADVISE to They who'd DISOBEY
my ADMONITION Overly PreScribe'd:


1.  Leave Moshav Mevo Modi'in by  the Front Gate

2.  Stand beside the Highway, Tramping.  Note Time (A)

3.  Between the time that 10,000 autos have passed and 15 minutes
from Time (A), take the first available public transport to
Sharon's Folly (aka Metropolis Modi'in)

4.  "Walk down to the station" and take the first train to
Jerusalem.

5.  Walk back to Mishkanot.

6.  Remove a tire from any nearby tractor_trailer.

7.  Roll the tire to the Mishkanot Windmill and sit on it.

8.  At midnight, burn the tire.

9.  Under cover of that smokescreen, remove from its glass
enclosure the Carriage of Sir Moses Montefiore.

10.  Telephone anyone at Kfar Adumim in Isaeli_occupied__Israel,
and have them quickly meet you at the Windmill with two fine
horses.

11.  Hitch the horses and drive the carriage to Moshav Mevo
Modi'in, via Rmala.

12.  In Ramla, stop at the first open Hardware store and buy
several gallons of red paint (quick-drying).  Paint the carriage
red and proceed to the front gate of Mevo Modi'in.

13.  Drive quiely to the home of Eliahu Gal-Or and remove the
Dude, Shemesh from his roof, being not to wake anyone, including
the shomerim.  Fill the Dude Shemsh with water, borrow a bell from
the nearest Beduin cow, and then drive quickly across the grounds
of Doberdane Estates, clanging the bell.  The *101 Dalmation will
run out and proceed to follow the Carriage, thinking it is her
FireTruck.  

Proceed to the Security Road, rolling off the Dude Shemesh as
close to House *101 as possible, so that Gal-Or can install it
before everyone is evacuated to Gaza as a precondition of
obtaining alternative lodging. Exit the Moshav through any missing
section of the Security Fence, return to Jerusalem before dawn,
and replace the Carriage.  The Dalmation will follow you, and be
taken by tourists as part of the Diorama.  No one will notice the
new paint job.

14.  You may then return to Mevo Modi'in and break into #101 in
relative safety, free from fear of being made Dalmation Chewey
Goodies.

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