Introduction

When I mentioned to Batya Kalish that I was writing a Reb Shlomo joke book, her reaction was -- "Are you serious?" We both cracked up.

When I mentioned to my daughter Shira that I was writing a Reb Shlomo joke book her reaction was, "Abba, you must be joking!" We both cracked up.

To live up to my Rebbe's immortal words that I'm simply a frustrated comedian I seriously present (I'm only joking) the first Reb Shlomo's (ZY"A) holy joker's handbook.

How our Rebbe loved to laugh especially at his own jokes! How our Rebbe loved to laugh with us but not at us. Whether it was at a wedding in Berkely or Rosh Chodesh in the Galilee, whether it was at a discoteque in Sharm el Sheikh or breakfast at the Hilton our beloved Rebbe always had a way to make things lighter, more palatable, even holier and sweeter, with his truly blessed sense of humor. Just to watch the Rebbe laugh - with his unique way of neighing mamash like a horse was at least as funny as the joke. Our Rebbe was one of the funniest people on the face of the earth.

This book is dedicated to my Rebbe, Reb Shlomo Carlebach ZY"A ben Reb Naftali and Pesia, who kept me laughing for 30 years and continues to bring more joy to the world than anyone I know. The first part of this book are jokes I heard from my Rebbe, the second part of the book are jokes I told my Rebbe that got him to laugh, and the third part are stories and jokes I didn't get to tell my Rebbe but wish I did.

It is my fervent desire and prayer to see the fulfillment of the passage in Psalms 126: "Then our mouths will be filled with laughter". Til then I hope we can be practicing Jews and can keep laughing.

Special thanks to our Creator Who hasn't stopped laughing since He began ribbing Adam when He asked him how Eve got there. I constantly draw from G-d's divine sense of humor.

I am inspired also by Rava, the great Tanna who began his class with a joke. I am nourished by the keen senses of humor of many of the Chassidic Rebbes: Reb Naftali of Ropshitz, Reb Meir of Premishlan, Reb Levi Yitschak of Berditchev, to name just a few. I am especially enchanted by the jokers that the Rebbes hired to keep them from sliding into the abyss of depression. Most noteworthy were Reb Heshler Ostropole and Reb Mordechai Rackover.

I also owe a special hearty thanks to my Bubbie OB"M whose sense of humor was brilliant. My father whose motto, like Milton Berle, is "always leave 'em laughing" has certainly lived up to these words. As he nears eighty, may he be blessed with 120 healthy years. He has a joke for everyone he meets. My father has taught me the secret of a good delivery.

My mother OB"M listened to my father for fifty years. From her I learned the secret of how to listen to the same jokes over and over and keep laughing as if it was the first time I heard it.

This book would not be complete without mention of Rabbi Shmuel Krauss. He made it through four years of the eternal Hell of the Holocaust. When I asked him how he did it, he smiled and said, "Two things kept me alive no matter how hard it got. My dream that one day I would sit at a Shabbos table and there would be as much challah as anyone wanted. I lived to see this dream fulfilled. And second, I never lost my sense of humor no matter how much I was tortured, I even got the Nazis to laugh and give me special privileges." May the funny side of life keep us going through it all and may we all be blessed to laugh together with our children and grandchildren and - why not? - great grandchildren. Amen.

To save the most precious for last. My true woman of valor, Sarah, who laughs the hardest and longest at almost all my jokes and continues to bring joy into my life. Without her unfailing support this book would still be an embryo. I therefore thank you, my dear Sarah, by naming the book, Please Sarah, Don't Ever Stop Laughing.

So chevre, please I'm begging you - Let's get serious and stop joking around. Let's mamash get serious about our jokes.

Love,
Dovid

P. S. I apologize to anyone who is offended by this book. It is not my intention to hurt anyone by my words. I only wish to share the joy and laughter with all those who desire to partake of it. It is my prayer that we will soon laugh together with our Rebbe as we witness the revival of the dead. Amen. And I'm not joking.

PLEASE SARAH, DON'T EVER STOP LAUGHING

It was late at night in Moshav Modi'in, Israel. Reb Shlomo was teaching the Holy Rebbe of Ishbitz. There were about 30 of us sitting in the mini forest near the Beit Knesset (Synogogue). The black bug epidemic didn't make it easy to concentrate but the music and stories and Torah (teachings of our Holy Rebbe) soothed our parched souls. By about 3:00 A.M. the depths of the words reached us so deeply that despite the black bugs crawling all over us, most of us fell into a deep sleep in the depths of the forest. To sleep, perchance to dream - I heard the Rebbe say, "Chevre, I want to tell you a gevalt joke." We all miraculously experienced the revival of the dead and attentively listened to Reb Shlomo tell one of his favorite jokes: Once there were two Yiddelach (Jews) and two Polish businessmen that travelled by train every day from Lodz to Warsaw. The two Yiddelach were always on line in front of the Polish businessmen and the same scenario took place day after day for many years. Every day the Yidden would buy one ticket and the Polish businessmen would be amazed. They decided to check it out and see how both managed to travel for the price of one. They noticed that as soon as the conductor would come onto the train the two Yidden would hold their stomachs and run into the bathroom. (At this point Reb Shlomo was holding his stomach and laughing hysterically. We all laughed with him even though we had no idea why stomach cramps were funny or how the joke would end.) The two Polish businessmen ran into the bathroom to see what was going on. The conductor came into the bathroom and called out in his strong voice, 'Tickets!' The two Yidden were in the stalls. One Jew handed his ticket underneath the door. The conductor checked it and slipped it back under to him. He then handed it under the side wall to where his friend was sitting, who in turn hands it under his door to the conductor. The conductor handed it back to him and left the bathroom. Finally the Polish businessmen understood the trick. The next day the Polish businessmen were the first ones on line and with a big smile on their faces, they ordered one ticket. Then one Yid turns to his friend, and with a bigger smile than the Polish businessmen says, 'Yankela, I got good news. Today we ride for free.' Yankela answered, 'What do you mean? How do we do that?' Hershela answered, 'Just don't worry. Everything is going to be fine.' They got on the train, and as soon as the conductor entered their car the two Polish businessmen ran into the bathroom holding their stomachs. As soon as they were safely behind their stalls Hershele runs into the bathroom and in his most conductor like voice announces, 'Tickets!'

I can't ever forget laughing and watching Shlomo laugh as he said that last word, 'Tickets!' I laughed myself to sleep with the vision of the Polish businessmen behind their stalls waiting for the ticket to come back. I can't remember the Torah or the stories or the music of that night but I won't ever forget the joke.
* *                 *

Shlomo's one liners keep me going for years.

At a Circumcision Service, right before Purim, in the so called occupied territories of Israel, I fouind myself standing next to Shlomo, waiting on line to go to the one and only bathroom. We kept smiling politely to each other and nonchalantly covered up our anxiousness. After what seemed to be an unbearable amount of time to wait I burst and said, 'Shlomo, what could be taking him so long?' My Rebbe who shared my sympathy just smiled widely and lifted his holy hand toward heaven and this is what he said, "Dovid'l, he must be paving the way for all of Israel". Just at that moment the bathroom door opened and out walked the guy with a big smile. As he walked past us, Shlomo and I just looked at each other and cracked up. We laughed so hard it almost made the bathroom superfluous. Our Rebbe certainly knew how to ease our pain through laughter.
* *                   *

At the end of the same Circumcision Service there were a group of us standing around Shlomo before he had to leave. With Shlomo, leaving sometimes took longer than most people stay. First he had to kiss everyone and then make sure we each had his card with his telephone number. Also, every new person was asked to write down their telephone number, never expecting that Shlomo would really call them,but he usually did. And of course Shlomo had to leave us all something we could take with us. On that occasion, this is what he told us.

Once the holy Reb Yisroel of Rizhin was thrown into prison on false charges. He was in this pit on Purim and felt very frustrated not being able to fulfill his favorite mitzva (commandment), that of giving of gifts to each of his friends. He looked up toward heaven and said, "How sad, not only do I have no gifts to give, but I have no friends to give to." Then he realized that in Psalms 23, "The Lord is my shepherd..." the Hebrew also means, 'the L-rd is my friend.' He said, "Great! G-d, you are my best friend so I give you a gift this Purim. What can I give You? The only thing I have is my sadness and lonliness so that's what I'll give you and since you are my best friend you can take it. But what about you G-d - You also must fulfill the words of the Torah. What gift will you give me? Ah, since You are the source of all joy, let's trade: all of my sadness for all of your joy. And so the Holy Rizhner, even in jail, fulfilled his favorite mitzva.

I feel that our Rebbe for some forty years lifted up the sadness and brokenness of the world and offered it as a gift to G-d. In turn, through Shlomo

G- d sent us so much beautiful music, depth and joy.
* *                        *

Reb Shlomo was sitting Shiva (the seven day period of mourning) for his mother. There were about twenty of us chevre in his house in the moshav, fumbling for the right words to comfort him. When Shlomo saw that we just didn't know what to say to the person who always gave us so much comfort, he reached into his deep and rich house of strength and holiness and told us the following story. My holy mother, my holy mother..., Chevre, once there was an old Yiddela (Jew) and he was on his death bed. He turned to his five children and said, "Please before I die, run to Mama and bring me one last piece of her delicious Lekach (honey cake). The five children ran desperately to fulfill their dying father's last wish. Finally after what seemed an eternity to him they returned with the news: "Sorry, Dad, but Mama said she's saving the cake for after the funeral."

Once again our Rebbe comforted us and left us feeling that we had paid tribute to his holy mother by laughing together.
* *                    *

Ms. Faye Bloom reminded me of one of Shlomo's favorite jokes.

A poor Yid came to the house of an elderly couple. Unfortunately they had nothing in the house to give him except an old piece of fish "from before the flood". Out of desperation they served him this fish and the next thing he had to be rushed to the hospital. The elderly couple, of course, accompanied him to the hospital but unfortunately watched him die in front of their eyes. At the funeral the elderly woman was crying uncontrollably and her husband was having a hard time tryng to console her. She was hysterically screaming, "The fish killed him, the fish killed him." The husband who couldn't stand to see his wife in such a state comforted her and said, "My darling, nisht geferlach, it's really not that bad. We had the merit of fulfilling three great mitzvot: Hachnasot Orchim, welcoming guests, Bikur Cholim, visiting the sick, and Levayat Hames, accompanying the departed!
* *                        *

Our Rebbe loved the Florida matchmaking jokes. Here are two of his favorite.

The not so young man and woman were sitting on the porch of the hotel catching a little breeze. The woman turned to the man and says, "It's really something - You remind me of my third husband. The gentleman asked her, "How many times have you been married?" She replied, "Only twice so far!"

Then there was the one Shlomo enjoyed telling at almost every occasionwhen there was a lull. The man and woman were sitting on the beach with their feet hanging over into the water. The woman says, "You look new around Maimi Beach. I haven't seen you before." He said, "The truth is I just finished a twenty year prison term." She said, "Gevalt, what were you in jail for?" He said, "I murdered my wife." She smiled with relief and said, "Oh, so you're single..."
* *                       *

This is one of the first jokes I heard from the Rebbe:
One night at the House of Love and Prayer in the blessed year of 1971 most of us had fallen asleep after an all night Torah teaching. Once again in his holy way, Shlomo gently woke us with the following joke.

Once there was a Yeshiva bocher going out on his first date. He went to his friend for advice. "What do I talk about to the girl?" His friend said, "It's as easy as pie. First you talk about love. Then you talk about family. And then you talk about philosophy."

OK, the great moment arrives. They sit down and first he says, "Tell me honestly, do you love lokshen (noodles)? She says, "No, I hate lokshen". OK, let's try family. "Does your brother like lokshen?" "I don't have a brother." Oh, no, this is not so simple. Let's try philosophy. "If you would have a brother, do you think he would like lokshen?"

We are literally rolling on the floor not as much for the joke but just watching Shlomo enjoying the telling, laughing in his beautiful way.
* *                              *

I was reminded of another classic Reb Shlomo one liner by my friend, Chaim David. The crows was somewhat upsetby R. Shlomo's almost-perfect record of being late for everything, and in his holy and unique way of relieving tension he remarked smilingly, "My sweetest friends, I know that I'm constantly late but I just don't want to put the Messiah to shame."

I remember how many times I waited for Reb Shlomo for hours and yet never gave up. When he showed up, and he always did, it seemed like the room lit up and I forgot that I had been waiting and all the anger dissipitated.

But then again, not everyone's anger was dissipated when Reb Shlomo arrived two hours late. On one such occasion Reb Shlomo arrived two hours late for a wedding or, as he would say, at exactly the right time, for he taught us on many occasion in the name of the holy Rebbe Yisrael of Rizhin, that not only is it decreed in heaven who your soulmate will be but also at what time the wedding will take place and exactly who will to be present.

The indignant father of the bride did not seem to be receptive to any teachings about the holiness beyond time and when he saw Reb Shlomo walking under the chuppa, (wedding canopy) to begin the ceremony, he burst out with wrath, "You can't perform this wedding because it's way too late." And he meant it. This was the only time that I saw Shlomo resort to the other side of humor. With tears in his eyes and in a prayerful painful voice he looks straight at the father of the bride and said loudly, "I swear to you, it's never too late." The ceremony began with many songs and the dancing seemed likely to continue forever, but the one person who danced the most and forgot to look at his watch was none other than the father of the bride. Maybe a moment of anger at times is better than a good joke. Now that's pretty funny.
* *                          *

This time the occasion was the Bar Mitzva of one of my close friend's son at the Kotel - the Western Wall. Being a faithful follower of Reb Shlomo, my friend made it a point never to come too early, even to his own son's Bar Mitzvah. This particular day, as the almost-midday summer sun was beating down brilliantly and the morning service would soon have to be an afternoon service, Reb Shlomo, who had come on time, turned to my good friend, Reuven Halevi and said, "Some people say my chevre (followers) need to buy watches but I'm starting to think that maybe it's more of a calendar problem." This lightened things up for a few moments but the heat was making us all a bit delirious. As each moment passed I gained a greater understanding of what that poor Paschal lamb had to go through but nevertheless Shlomo did not give up and deep inside believed that our friend would show up for his son's Bar Mitzvah.

As the sun was now directly overhead I saw that Reb Shlomo was beginning to melt and it seemed that the Tefillin (phylacteries) on his head were beginning to mix with the sweat causing a strange elixir to be created. Reb Shlomo nervously asked me, "Dovid'l, what's going on, where is he? At that moment I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the table behind us was occupied by the father and son who just arrived. With no apologies, as if nothing had happened they were both putting on their prayer shawls and Tefillin. Shlomo was not able to see them from the direction he was facing and did not know that they just arrived. With great glee and satisfaction I had the merit to give the good news to the Rebbe, who was half baked by now. I said, "Good news, Reb Shlomo, they are both getting dressed right now!" The Rebbe thought that I was joking and that they had not arrived yet, and in front of the Holy Wall he laughed and laughed and laughed and finally when he gained control he kept saying over and over to me, "That's mamash the funniest thing I ever heard. It's mamash a gevalt!" At that moment the father and son arrived at the table and Shlomo gave them both a big kiss, no anger, total love and joy and said, "Gevalt, gevalt! Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov, you made it just in time." Boy, did we all laugh!
* *                     *

Whenever the chevra were nervous, upset, a bit frustrated, inattentive or especially extremely interruptive there was always one of Shlomo's classic one-liners that put milk and honey in those moments.

One particular Tisha B'Av at the Moshav about thirteen years ago I received my eternal lesson of mourning with joy. Toward the end of the fast, we were all gathered in the Beit knesset for the Rebbe's inspiring and deep insights into the day of mourning. Uncharacteristically, I blurted out some stupid remark in the middle of Shlomo's beautiful insights. Instead of getting angry or upset, Shlomo said lovingly and with a smile. "Dovid'l, that's a gevalt what you said. What did you have for breakfast today, holy brother?" How often I had heard that line, but never on Tisha B'Av! Everyone including me laughed on that Tisha B'Av but I got the message in the best way without feeling embarrassed. In the Talmud it is written that Reb Yochanon said that one should always knock on the door to his own house so as not to startle the residents even though they are his own family. I still interrupt too often, but after knocking on my own door I always think of that Tisha B'Av with Reb Shlomo and enter laughing.
* *                        *

Is reality an escape from the absurd or the other way around? How often, I remember, whether it was at a wedding or an engagement and there was a need for a pen to fill out the contract, Reb Shlomo would say, "Does anyone have a Jewish pen?" We would all laugh for a moment, but the more I heard the line, I started to trust my senses and realized that pens could be Jewish. I tried many pens to see if I could discover an inkling of an idea, about how this absurd joke could be one Reb Shlomo's truthful jests based on some obscure passage in the mystical teachngs of Judaism. After three decades of tireless searching, I wrote from coast to coast and tried everything from flicking my Bic to Parker's invisible ink and to my despair I found that I had wasted alot of ink and still had no clue how a pen could be a Jew. I started thinking that maybe it was just a joke and it's nonsense to go too deep about silly jokes. Then I finally got smart and remembered the story in the Talmud about the ox of Rabbi Eliezer. When it was sold to a Gentile, it refused to work on the Sabbath. That's it!

Any pen can be Jewish if it refuses to write on the Sabbath.
* *                                *

In the early 70's in the House of Love and Prayer in San Francisco, Shlomo loved to tell the following story. He prefaced it by telling us that the great Chassidic Rebbe, Reb Simcha Bunim of Pshyscha was accustomed to say that this is one of the deepest parables. Once there was a town drunk and he was forever in a stupor on the side of the road. The bishop's carriage would ride by every day and with great disdain and disgust look at this miserable creature. One day the Bishop decided to teach this drunkard a lesson he would never forget. He had him dragged onto the wagon and then brought him to the bishop's quarters. He had him dressed in the Bishop's attire and put into the Bishop's bed. Upon his awakening, the poor drunkard was totally freaked out by his new surroundings and even more amazed when he saw himself in the full length mirror. He stared in bewilderment at the most unusual sight of himself and began to lament, "Who am I? Am I really the Bishop and I just think that I'm the town drunk or am I really the town drunk and I just think that I'm the Bishop?" Unable to solve his dilemma he suddenly realized that the acid test would be when he would be brought the Breviere (the prayer book) . He muttered to himself, "If I know how to read the prayer book obviously I'm the Bishop and if I don't, obviously I'm the town drunk." While contemplating these feelings the prayer book is presented to him and placed on the huge prayer stand. He opens it up and turns it in every direction but to his great distress, he cannot make out one word. He stands in front of the mirror dressed as the Bishop and cries bitterly in the realization that indeed he is the disgusting town drunk. Then as if hit by a lightning bolt, he lifts his hands heavenward and with great understanding says, "Ah, but who says the Bishop knows how to read?"

Yes, there are all sorts of laughter for all sorts of jokes. But the best is the laughter that comes from so deep inside of us that we don't even change our facial expression but wow, are we laughing,

Our mother Sarah gave to all her children as an inheritance the laughter from within. The laughter of understanding, not the laughter of stupidity. To laugh or not to laugh, that is the funniest question.
* *                         *

As long as we are talking about drunkards I can't forget a very memorable evening in the Old City of Jerusalem. There were about one hundred of us crowded into a room and we could hear what sounded like some rowdy drunkards doing their thing outside. Of course Reb Shlomo did not scream out the window at them, which is what most of us wanted to do, but began singing a beautiful melody while strumming on his guitar accompanied by flute and recorder. He began telling the deepest, holiest parable from the Rebbe Reb Moshe of Kobrin. All the while Shlomo was singing the story to the tune of L'Dor V'Dor - one of his classics.

Once there was a drunken preacher who would come to church Sunday after Sunday so drunk that he could hardly stand up. After an etended period of time the board of directors of the church gave the drunken preacher an ultimatum: If you come to church to preach one more time and you are drunk that will be the last time you will preach in this church. Of course the preacher came to church, the next Sunday drunk as usual, and this is what he said. At this point Reb Shlomo in the story reached a crescendo and the excitement of waiting to hear what the drunken preacher said at his last appearance totally blended in with the previously rowdy drunkards outside: " I know I am drunk but wherever I am I'll never stop preaching and I'll never stop telling the world that there is one G-d." At that point we all broke into sweet harmonious song with the biggest drunken smiles on our faces.

Ah yes, Reb Shlomo had that special and rare gift of taking almost any ordinay moment and giving it a taste of eternity through his gevalt sense of humor!
* *                *

I was reminded by my good friend Reb. Reuven HaLevi of the following joke. I don't remember the circumstances surrounding this joke, but it could have been anywhere. I think I might have heard it in the Beit Knesset on the Moshav when there were a few people that were standing outside. Shlomo spoke to them with a big smile on his face. How do you know which part of the service the congregation is up to. His smile was getting bigger. It's very simple - if one third of the congregation is outside then they are davining (praying); if half the congregation is outside then they're reading the Torah and by this time Shlomo is of course laughing hysterically. Ah, but if everyone is outside then the Rabbi must be giving a speech! We are all laughing so loud that the people from outside come inside to hear the joke but it was a little too late 'cause the joke's on them! But of course laughter is the most contageous thing in the world. The outsiders start laughing, too - and one little Shabbos joke brings us all together.
* *                  *

Eating pizza with the Rebbe, was also a fun adventure, as was everything. Inevitably, no matter where the pizza shop was, Shlomo would flash the peace sign and with a big smile would say, "pizza!" No matter how many times I heard it, it kept sounding better. To this day I have faithfully taken on this special custom. But Shlomo couldn't just pay the owner for his pizza and all the pizza that he ordered for who knows how many lucky customers, including the owner, he had to leave the shop with a line that usually went something like this. This is mamash, really the best pizza I have ever had and Baruch Hashem I eat a lot of pizza! And I'm convinced that when Messiah comes he's going to first stop at the holy pizza shop! My Rebbe said many times, "I never lie between the hours of two and four" but I'm still wondering - if Shlomo hit two pizza shops a week somewhere in the world for approximately fifty-five years or so, that's what might be holding up the Messiah! G-d forbid, how could I say such a thing? But I almost forgot, nothing stands in the way of the pizza process -- Say cheese!
* *                *

Reb Shlomo had the amazing gift of taking any hotel room and within a few moments it looked like he had been living there for years. I was always amazed at the talent of our Rebbe. He never ceased to blow my mind and amuse me simultaneously. The divine and the humorous seem to continually intermingle till there was no difference. Funny is holy and holy can at times be funny. Why not? On one of my favorite adventures, breakfast with Reb Shlomo at the Ramada Rennaissance in Jerusalem. I was upstairs with Reb Shlomo in his room beforehand. Shlomo had checked into the hotel about five A.M. after an all night teaching at Reb Yehoshua and Emuna Witt's: Shlomo loved teaching at this house and the blessing and songs and Torahs seemed to go until this little room became a Holy Temple. Shlomo kept saying, "Please friends, make yourselves small," so there could be room for Holy Mimi or Holy Moshela or the holy children of Yehoshua and Emuna or Holy Vi, the Holy Grandmother. The room kept expanding and everyone kept getting smaller and smaller till there was nobody and nothing left in the world except the deepest of the deep and the holiest of the holy laughter of invisible souls. Reb Shlomo was unusually tired that night, but of course as he entered the hotel early that morning and that was after kissing the taxi driver and blessing him with holy customers, and then kissing the bellboy who opened the door of the cab and blessing him to open all gates and doors with great joy, and then moving slowly from the receptionist to the next kissing and blessing upon the great reunion of Shlomo and everyone who was of course his best friend in the world. I mean, how could they not be? By the time we got to the room it was already six thirty A.M, as Shlomo had to see all the waiters and waitresses and the supervisor in the coffee shop to tell them he's so proud of them and how he missed them all so much. I figured that at that point Reb Shlomo would call it a day after another almost -21- hours -non -stop holy marathon of life. Well I was wrong for a change. Reb Shlomo then apologized and then aplogized and said, "Please forgive me Holy Brother but I haven't yet learned the page of the Talmud that the world is learning today. Could you both join me?" It was probably a big mistake but I said no to be polite, thinking that the Rebbe wanted to be alone. I went home realizing that the Rebbe was probably going to sleep all day after that. I get a call at nine A.M. It was the Rebbe. He sounded refreshed and excited and said, "Holy Dovid'l, it would be my greatest honor if you could join me and some of the chevre for breakfast. Could you be there exactly at a quarter to ten. I was so tired I could I hardly move but of course I didn't want to miss breakfast with Reb Shlomo. It was always so much fun! I prayed with the speed of the horse of the Baal Shem Tov and was back in Reb Shlomo's room at 9:45. I was greeted with a hug and a kiss and "Gevalt, the dining room closes in fifteen minutes. Chevre, let's go!" There were already ten of Shlomo's best friends in the the room. Every available space was taken up with holy s'forim or clothes or vitamins or whatever one can imagine. What had Shlomo done in the only two and a half hours since I left? After he learned the page of Talmud, he made a few calls all over the world to tell all his best friends how proud he is of them and blessed them with Zeit Gebensht, may you be blessed. He couldn't have slept more than an hour if at all. Yet the room looked like it would have taken me at least eight hours to put it into shape if I really put my mind to it. When did the Rebbe sleep? When did he have time to unpack and in such a unique way. I stood there unable to move as I beheld this miraculous sight, uncontrollably I said, "Rebbe, how did you get the room to look like this, in such a short time?" Once again our tired and holy Rebbe smiled widely and said, "You know Chevre, one time on the plane I saw this guy sitting on one seat and all his stuff spread out on three other seats. I walked up to him and said, 'Hey brother,Shalom Aleichem". He looked up at me and said, "How did you know I was Jewish?" I guess it's the same with me - and then he concluded with a passage, 'When

G- d will expand your borders", followed by "Gevalt, the dining room is closing in five minutes. Let's go eat for all of Israel."

We all marched into the elevator and thirteen floors later arrived exactly on time. Reb Shlomo said hello or kissed every waiter, waitress and person sitting there and finally - sat down to eat with the chevre. A great time was had by all as we polished off all the herring there was. Back in the elevator I looked at Reb Shlomo and said, "Gevalt, Rebbe, you must be so tired." He looked up at the ceiling of the elevator, rolled his eyes and then exaggeratedly closed his eyes and said,"Gevalt, Dovid'l, I'm as tired as a herring and two dogs." I was so tired at this point that I smiled at the holy Rebbe and said, "I know exactly what you mean."
* *                            *

Every occasion with Reb Shlomo felt like a good occasion to laugh. We were standing in front of his house on the Moshav one Friday night. It was around 2 A.M. and we were all holding piles of books for our holy, tired Rebbe. Reb Shlomo was swayng back and forth and looking at the stars with his eyes closed. He suddenly turned to me and said and I'm so proud of you for preparing so-and-so for his Bar Mitzvah. Then he started laughing uncontrollably, and of course once again his contagious laughter gets us all. He continued, "In the early days of my humble career I was invited to the Bar Mitzvah of a very wealthy family. The father hired a private tutor for two years and, nebech, unfortunately his child still mispronounced every word of the blessing. The proud father came up to me afterwards and says, "Well, Rabbi, what do you think of the way my boy said the blessing?" Reb Shlomo started laughing again and said, "Nu, what could I tell him? So I said, 'I'll tell you the truth. I never heard such a blessing in all my life.' " The father cried, Shlomo cried - they both hugged each other and we all stood there laughing at Reb Shlomo's ingenious way of never hurting another person's feelings!
* *                        *

This time it was December 25th on the moshav at around midnight and Reb Shlomo was reminiscing of his earlier days. Prompted by me I asked Reb Shlomo if he had connected to any of the great music stars.

In his holy and nostalgic way he began speaking of Nina Simone, the great black singer. "I walked into the bar many years ago and this was before either of us had hit it big. I couldn't believe how talented she was, playing the piano and singing her heart out. There were a few drunkards not even paying attention and I sat next to her and listened to her. She was getting paid twenty-five dollars a week at that time, but I told her that she's the best and one day she's going to be a great performer. Before I started to play guitar I used to compose tunes on the piano. I played a little bit for her, and we became mutual admirers of each other. She said that one day I would be a big star. We both laughed and one day we were both proven right. Many years later when we were both doing many concerts, I would make it a point to come see her perform whenever I was in the same city she was in. As soon as I would walk into this crowded auditorium Nina Simone would stop singing - and announce to the crowd with great joy - Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you all to my Rabbi - Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach. I would sing a few songs and go on my way after her performance. This continued for many years until Nina Simone got divorced and then married a very jealous black policeman. He would always look at me with blaring, angry eyes. When Nina was pregnant it looked like he was ready to kill me as he was convinced that it was my baby. I said to this tough cop who was out for blood, "Listen brother, if the baby comes out with a beard then you'll know who the father is." This gave me enough time to run and never come back."
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This was the last joke I heard from our holy Rebbe. It was approximately two months before he left this world. The scene this time was the lobby of the KIng Solomon hotel in Jerusalem. Shlomo HaMelech - how appropriate. Shlomo was laughing so hard that he literally fell off his chair. That was of course before he told the joke. He had us all primed ready for the highest. This time it was about the Chazan (Cantor) who didn't know Hebrew so well and didn't have such a great voice, but he loved to sing nonetheless. The only problem was it was difficult for him to get a paying position. Finally his great day came. He was hired in a little synogogue to chant the Hallel for the New Moon festival. He began off key with cantorial frills, oblivious to everything. He was singing with elongated notes, the beautiful words of Psalms. 'They have eyes but do not seeeeeeee... They have ears but do not heaaaaaaar.' With all his cantorial shtick, he got mixed up and skipped a line.. 'They have a nose but do not smell their feeeeeeeet....' Yes the Rebbe truly left us laughing. Let's continue in the holy path of serving G-d through joy and laughter. Amen

