;.cR. Shlomo/Weddings/3ming/ketuba
;.l1,6,60,66,1,0,10,75,192,2,15,20,25,127,10,0,
sh3wket
R. Shlomo
Weddings
3ming
Ketuba
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<joshu

THE MARRIAGE CONTRACT IS THEN PUBLICALLY READ BY THE FATHER OF THEGROOM AND THE FATHER OF THE BRIDE
{The contract is of course in Aramaic, since that was our legallanguage when we established such things, and for about 2000 yearsnobody had the authority to change the legal language, and for thepast 45 years we've been busy ...
So of course if the father of the bride can't read the contract,hecan delegate somoene he trusts to do so.  I gather that the onepeson who can't read it is the groom; but I don't know.}
{It is then, as I recall, signed.}
{Since wine has been drunk, one must then recite an after-blessingover wine; by tradition this is the special "sheva brachot" of thewedding.
{Relatives and friends are then encouraged to offer blessings andcongratualations}
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<allen

[The ketuba which R. Shlomo reads says]
Everything which belongs to me is responsible for this marriage. Anything which belongs to me today and anything which will everbelong to me...anything under the sky of the earth, the sky ofheaven.  And then it says, even the shirt on my back isresponsible, everything, evreything.  You know what that means? You promise that you'll be so married to each other, so married,completely one. Completely one.   
 ...
But now listen to me, this is very important.  Any responsibilityweighs you down, right.  Oy, responsible this, responsible this,wish I could get rid of it.  Alot of people want to get out oftheir marriage because it weighs them down.  You know what it sayshere?  We bless you that your marriage should be so heavenly, thatthe responsibility should lift you up.  When I'm reallyresponsible for something holy, ah, it makes me so light.  I canjump up to the sky, I can jump down the lowest hell and come rightout.  Because I'm so light!  Does it give you this heaviness, butheavenly heaviness.  
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< sh2wmosh < moshe.ak

THE KETUBA:                              

	You know the Kedushin is on the level of Torah Sh'B'Ksav. The Kesuba is already Torah Sh'Baal Peh.  Your own words.  I blessyou that every day as long as you live, you always add new wordsto the Kesuba.  And whatever you gave [your bride] yesterday,shouldn't be enough tomorrow.  You'll say, "Give me the Kesuba,have to add a few more words."  A few more gifts.  And I bless youthat every day you should meet more Lamid Vav Tsaddikim and moreholy people, more witnesses.  And every morning when you wake up,you say, "I have to add to the Kesuba."  And that night G-d shouldsend you some holy witnesses to your house, to sign the Kesuba. And I bless you that your Kesuba should be the longest in theworld.  And the most witnesses and the most promises.  
	You know how big the Shas is?  Sixty-three volumes. Everybody knows,  the Five Books, the    is TorahSh'b'Ksav and the Gemora is the Kesuba.  So I bless you that yourKesuba should be at least sixty-three volumes.  All the Rashis andall the Tosfos, and there's also an important  thing called Tosfos
Shabbos and Tosfos Kesubas.

(Kesuba read aloud)
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< w-y&s

THE KETUBAH

 	The Gemara says:   Whatever happens in this world is only areflection of the other one and if it would not be in heaven, itwould not be in this world. I want you to know, in this worldyou're signing a ketubah but your two souls are also signing aketubah. You know where they're written? They're written inbetween the letters. 
   You know when you love someone very much, you want to give themso much but there are no words for it. So I want you to know,between those words, so much holiness, so much love, so muchdepth.
	 You know I want to bless you, you're just humans, andsometimes you get angry with each other. I want you to hang theketubah on your wall, and just look at it and suddenly all thoseholy promises, in between the letters, shine before your eyes andgive you strength to love each other even more. [To the groom]Give it to your holy bride. [To the bride]  keep it till mashiachis coming, and then      even more.
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< w-aa&r

                           KETUBAH
Reb Shlomo reads the ketubah.....
	It's all very, very deep stuff.  Do you know those words? It's 2 things.  First of all you are taking reponsibility for thismarriage, but it's not only just responsibility.  Those words ofour holy Rabbis... You know those words should give you strength.  They're so holy, those words.  
	Our holy Rabbis didn't just get together and compose thosebeautiful words. According to our tradition, when they gottogether, and they put those words together, prophetically, they saw every wedding until Mashiach is coming.  
	They didn't just {pull it out of thin} air , you know -- {innon-orthodox Judaism it might be that }  a few Rabbis get togetherand think it's beautiful,  and a board of Rabbis acccepted it asthe standard Ketubah.  They mamash prophetically saw... Because,if there would be any wedding which needs different words, theywould have composed it differently.  
	That means, {the specified rabbinic wording of the ketubaanticipates each particular marrriage} It is worth it, to justread it. * 

{The ketuba says}, the groom says to the bride, , "Please be mywife, and I will work hard.."   But the first thing is that I willtreasure you.    
	A lot of people love thier wives, but treasure is somethingelse.  Treasure is so special, so deep.  
	Do you know what a treasure is?  Imagine I have a treasure,and G-d forbid I lose it.  So you know I'll say, "OK, and I'llfind another treasure."??!  Once in a lifetime, you find atreasure, once in a lifetime.  And also when you find a treasureyou know that it's just from heaven.  You cannot say, "I'll walkup and down the street until I'll find a treasure."  It justdoesn't go this way, right?  
	OK, the first thing is you have to treasure, you have tosupport physically, and sustain spiritually. Your wife.  
	Again, do you know what is going on today?  A lot ofmarriages, the woman cooks for the husband, and the husband putsthe money on the table. So they call that feeding each other. It's a restaurant, right?   It's not a marriage.  It has to be sodeep.  	Do you remember Reb Nachman's story about the wise manand the "Fool"?   But it was not a fool like the world calls afool --  Reb Nachman calls him a fool, because he was beyond allthat.  He was deeper than the intellect.  Mamash he was so clear. 
So he got married, and he was a shoemaker.  He was very poor.  Atnight, when he would come home to his wife, he would ask her,"What are we going to have for dinner?"  She would say, "Firstthing is, I'll give you champagne."  But you know what it was? Stale water.  She brought him the stale water.  He would drink it,and he would say, "Gevalt, this champagne is so good.  It is sogood.  Nobody in the world knows how to make champagne like you." Then he would ask her, "What else are we eating tonight?"  Shewould say, "Tonight we have steak."  She would bring him old,hard, crusted bread.  He would eat it, and he would say, "I neverhad such steak in my whole life."  Do you know how holy that is? Do you think he was a fool? Gevalt, was he intelligent.  Becausesteaks I can get in any restaurant, but this kind of a steak whichhis wife gave to this holy fool, you only get in one place.  It'smannah from heaven.  So you promise you'll feed each other, andsustain each other.  But the most important thing is 'bekushta'. It has to be real.  It has to be real.
Reb Shlomo continues reading.
  	OK, you know every word has millions of meanings.  It sayshere that the bride brings with her silver, and gold, and jewelry,and furniture.  Now listen to this.  OK, you know some people,some women are empty.  Nothing in their hearts, right?  Have alittle jewelry hanging in my ears, and this is what they arebringing to the marriage.  And some women have so much gold, silver and jewelry.  They are shining from one corner of the worldto the other.  And you know, some people go out and buy somefurniture in the furniture store, which you can get in any store. You do not have to get married for that.  But then there are somewomen, who can make a house into a home.  Every corner of thehouse is filled with their glory.  

    *When someone gives you a gift it is a special gift fromheaven, to know how to receive it.  You know a lot of women  wantto give so much love to their husband.  And the saddest thing is,that the husband does not know how to take it.  So at this moment,the holy Rabbis give you this holiness to receive all the gold andthe silver, and all the jewelry your bride  brings into themarriage.*

	And you are also responsible to do something in return,right?   So you are responsible for this marriage.  And at thispoint, we are up to 300 pieces of silver.  And again, this hasmillions of meanings.  I'll leave it up to your own imagination. Maybe 100 rubles for every father from Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaacovon.........  These are heavy words.  It says, everything whichbelongs to you under the sun, which you have, and will ever have,is responsible for this marriage.*  

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< my.ak

THE KETUBA:  The meaning of exile

	When you love somebody very much, you not only talk to themwhen you talk to them, you talk to them all the time.  When youlove somebody, do you only look at them when they are in front ofyou?  You look at them all the time. 
	  But you know, we are human beings.  Our language is solimited, so our holy rabbis got together -- and there's a wholecontroversy if it was before the destruction of the Temple, maybeafter --  I would say after, because when they saw that we'll bein exile so long, and it's so easy to have an exile marriage.  

	You know what exile is?  I do everything right.  Butsomething is missing.  You can't even put your finger on it.  
	I can be in Dallas, keep Shabbos, have a Yamulke, haveTsitsis, so what's missing?  Can you put your finger on it?  No,but gevaldt, gevaldt, am I in exile.  

	So our holy rabbis got together, and they composed thosebeautiful words.  And this is promising each other, swearing toeach other, that you won't put each other in exile.  Never.  

	Who are the people who put G-d into exile?  They say, "youknow, God can do a few things, but really, this is too much."  
I ask my wife something, "Can you do me a favor."  She says, "No,this is too much".  Oy, vey, we are in exile.  
	You know what parents are in exile?  Your children ask you afavor, and you say,"You just asked me for a favor five minutesago."  Oy gevaldt, are you in exile.  
	  The Rebbe Reb Shmelke says, exile is that today is the samelike yesterday.  And tomorrow will be the same like today. Unexciting.  Nothing happens.  You know what a marriage is, mamashnot exile, that you blow your mind two million times a second thatyou are married.  That each time you look at your wife, at yourhusband, you say, I cannot believe that this is my husband.  Icannot believe that my wife is so beautiful. Master of the World,how do I deserve this?  	
	Children in exile, when you look at your children and youtell them, unless you have good marks... 
	We all bless you, you should never ever ever ever for onesplit second, put each other in exile.  Don't ever put yourchildren in exile.  No minimum and no maximum.  Not too much andnot too little. 
	 And now everybody knows if I would translate every word, it takes a few hours, so I'll make it fast.  And just imagine, everyword should pierce your heart.  
	Reading of the Kesuba.  

	{To the groom} you are telling to {the bride} , I want you tobe my wife.  Like the first wedding, Avraham and Sarah, can youimagine how much they promised each other?  That they were chosenby G-d to be the fathers and mothers of all of Israel.  

	Imagine you're an intellectual person, you buy all the bookson marriage.  Do you think that makes you a good husband?  Itmakes you the lousiest husband ever.  Because those people whowrote the books, they themselves are not good husbands.  

	Someone told me, he is going to  a marriage counselor.  AndBaruch Hashem he has been married nine times (the marriagecounselor), what a marriage counselor!!  He knows everything.  

	You know to be a good husband, there's only one way, ''ۃ Bisedeat d'shmaya.  Mamash when G-d helps you.  {To thebride} And you could read every book about being a good mother,being a good wife.  You might as well, like someone says, "Youmight as well buy onions with that money."  It'll help you thesame way.  Mamash only we bless you, "with G-d's help".  

	{To the groom}  you know what you have to do, you have tosupport your wife, sustain your wife, and cover up for your wife. You know what that means?  

	Why was Adam driven out from Paradise?  The Holy Ishbitsersays, because when G-d says, "Who did it?"  He says, "My wife didit."  G-d says, "What?  You don't cover up for your wife?  Get outof Paradise!"  So mamash you promise, you'll always stand up foryour wife.  Who cares if she's right or wrong, that's the Tree ofKnowledge.  Good or bad.  The Tree of Life is, I just love you,always. 
	And always stand up for your children.  You know what it sayshere, that every day you'll tell {your bride} , I swear to you, Iwant to be a better husband than  yesterday.  Gevaldt, gevaldt, 

	{To the groom} don't forget what I'm telling you here.... You hear, everything which belongs to you, is responsible for thiswedding.  Everything.  Even the shirt on your back.  Even thebuttons on your shirt.  There's nothing in the world which G-ddoesn't give you, in order to make your wedding beautiful, yourmarriage beautiful...  
	One more thing. You know it's true, that we are children ofour parents.  Now just remember, there are three partners of thecreation of your holy bride, father, mother, and there's the One,the One -- who's always there.  You know I can tell my father-law,my mother-in-law, I'm a good husband, really.  But if the Masterof the World is there, what will you answer him?  So it says, youaccept upon yourself, the deepest depths of the Kesuba.    The wayour holy rebbes wanted our Jewish husbands to be aware.  The One,the Only One is always there.  And for HIM, there's no excuses.  
	*You also have to know if G-d forbid anything goes wrong, youcan always fix it.  Because the holiness of us Jewish People isthat we know, we know, we can always fix it.*
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< w-r&z

THE KETUBAH

	You want to know something very deep?  A Yiddele, a man, cantravel without a sefer.  The woman cannot travel without theKetubah.  It is very, very holy parchment.  we bless you, and Ihope you'll hang it on the wall.  It's so beautiful.  

	You know, you're only human.  Sometimes you don't agree onthe same things sometimes.  But hang it up in such a way, thatwhenever you have a little disagreemet, you should see theKetubah, and remind yourself that you are responsible  for eachother. 
	 Mazel Tov.  Okay friends, we have to say the 7 holyblessings. (The blessings)  (singing)
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< y-t

THE KETUBA

I: THE BRIDE DOES NOT SPEAK UNDER THE CHUPPAH

  	Last week I was in London, and I gave a workshop fortherapists, a long story. I got into a heavy fight with a younglady.  Because she says, when she got married, he gave her aKesuba, she gave him a Kesuba.  He gave her a ring, she gave him aring.  And she said something.   And she thought she's way out.  Isaid, "Please don't be angry at me.  Before you say that you knowbetter how to do it, you better learn what it is.  You can't evenread Hebrew, right?"
	She says, "I studied Kabala."  
	In a paperback book, right.  I said, "You know, if I go to adoctor and I say I know how to make an operation, G-d forbid, atransplant of the stomach.  But I don't know exactly where thestomach is....  But I know that you're doing it wrong."  Itdoesn't go this way.           

	Someone said to the heilege Reb Nachman, "How loud do youhave to yell when you Daven?"  So Reb Nachman says, "You have toyell so loud that nobody can hear it."                      		the fixing of Chava is...  The Tree of Knowledge, everythingis words.  This is good, this is bad.  Everything is words,everything is garments.  
	The Tree of Life... the Davening, is so deep.  
	The heilege Rizhiner, when he Davened, he didn't shuckle, andyou couldn't hear him.  But the floor was wet with tears.  
	The Heilage Shatiner once came in Russia to a city and theBais Medrash was so cold, people were standing there and freezing. And the heilege Shatiner davened for six hours and nobody couldreally make it. It was so cold.  And when they walked out, theyhad to hang up his shirt for two days because it was completelywet with tears.                                                
	So you see, when you don't do anything under the chupah, youare doing everything.    But your part here is beyond the words,you are just all those beautiful pictures on the parchment, whichis deeper than everything. 

II:  TEXT OF THE KETUBA
{Here I give the particular text of a particular ketuba}

"B'Shainee b'Shabbos, Chamisha Aser  l'Chodesh Shvat". 

 Shvat is Roshei Tevos (the words begin with the letters),Shomreim, Borcheim, Tahareim.  Mamash, you're in the month whereG-d says to  Yidden, "I'll guard you.  I will bless you.  And Iwill purify you." 

	Shnas Chameshes Alofim Shevah Ma'os Chamishim u'Shtayiml'Briyas Haolam....... (In the year 5752 that we count from thebeginning of the world)........"  

Mamash we are witnesses that Yaakov Yosef Chai said to TanyaYosefa, mamash be my wife, according to Moshe and to Yisroel.  

{Note that the groom and bride are identified by full Jewishnames, but apparently not by the 'family names' which Jews wererequired to adopt by gentile authorities about the end of the 18thcentury}

"ACCORDING TO MOSHE AND TO YISROEL"
You remember Yaakov the way I  translate it is, that if you wouldask every Jew in the world, from Moshe until Meshiach is coming,"Should I marry Tanya?"  They would say, "Yes".  And you hearTanya, if you'de ask every Yid from Moshe Rabbenu to  Meshiach andthey all say, "Yes", so what's the problem, right? 

"TO SUPPORT AND TREASURE AND FEED"
....You know Yankele, you have to work outside and inside, mamash,put your whole energy into supporting and sustaining this holymarriage, like all Jewish husbands are supposed to do.  I hopethey are doing it....To support and treasure and feed, mamash,everything a woman needs.  All her needs are on you.  

"CHOTAMO SHEL HAKODESH BARUCH HU EMES",

	And with honesty.  Do you know what that means?  There aretwo ways of giving.  I'm supposed to give it to you, I'm giving itto you.  This is not the way G-d wants you to give it. The truth,Chotamo Shel HaKodesh Baruch Hu Emes, the truth of the world, Iwant you to give it with all your heart.  
  	.........                             

	PILLOW:  A TALE OF REB SHMELKIE, REB ELIMELECH, AND REB ZUSIA
	  The heilege zeisa rebbe Reb Shmelke never went to sleep. He couldn't tear himself away from learning.  One time, RebElimelech and the rebbe Reb Zusia came to visit him.  They said,"Reb Shmelke, heilage Reb Shmelke, you are keeling over fromtiredness, go to sleep."  They said, "We made the bed special foryou."  They mamash went up to his bedroom, and they made the bed,and he went to sleep.  Ah, gevald was it good.  When he woke up,he was mamash like a new person.  And he says, "I want you to knowsomething.  The way Reb Elimelech and Reb Zusia put my pillow...gevald, gevald, was that good.  Gevald did I sleep".  So he said,"Reb Elimelech and Reb Zusia, if you stay here, I'll go to sleepevery night."  
	{To the bride} So I bless  you, you should put the pillow forYankele mamash like the rebbe Reb Zusia and Reb Elimelech for therebbe Reb Shmelke.  It's not so simple. 

	FURNITURE:  A TALE OF REB SHIMON YAROSOLOVER, AND REB SHOLOMBELZER
     	And also the furniture, you should arrange the furniturein your house.  
	If you remember, the heilege Reb Shimon Yaroslover came tothe heilege Reb Sholom Belzer.  And he looked at the furniture,the way they were arranged.  And he said, "Heilage Belzer  Rov,you know Malkala, your holy wife, she arranged the furnituremamash the way they were arranged in the Mishkan.  The way theywere arranged in the Holy Temple.  It's not so simple.  
	It's not so simple.  You don't just move into a house andcall up the best furniture store... here's a bed, here's a table,here's  a chair and you put it in.  For that you don't need to getmarried.  I have a maid, she'll put it in.  
	What the Torah wants is all this deepest depths.   
	........
	{To the groom} , everything you have and you will have isresponsible for this wedding and this marriage. 
	.........

ONE CANNOT LEGALLY ALTER THE WORDS OF THE KETUBA, 


	As much as Shabbos is a foundation of Yiddishkeit, Tefillin,.The real foundation of Yiddishkeit is the house.
 	When the holy Chachamim got together and they wrote the wordsof the Kesuba, our holy rabbis tell us, they saw propheticallyevery couple until Meshiach is coming who will get married.  Everyword in the Kesuba is like the holiest glue in the world, to putyou together, and keep you together and give you strengthtogether.
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