;.l1,6,60,66,1,0,1,80,192,2,15,20,25,127,1,0,
=sh_ykps2
Continuation of =shykps1
{SEE EDITORIAL NOTES AT TOP OF =sh_ykps1}
{ ** SET LINE-LENGTH TO 75 CHARACTERS }
{E-mail source notes similar to those of preceeding doc; only minimal E-mailnotes given here:}

      >From spirit@amug.org Sun Apr  9 01:02:22 1995
To: reb-shlomo@israel.nysernet.ORG
From: spirit@amug.org (Ayla Grafstein)
Subject: REPOSTING R. Shlomo's Pesach TORAHS 2

Date: 06 Apr 95 03:16:38 EDT
=46rom: Nancy Bogost <74451.522@compuserve.com> To: Ayla Grafstein
<spirit@amug.org>
Subject: Shlomo Pesach Torahs 2  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
{THIS IS ALMOST CERTAINLY AN IMMEDIATE  CONTINUATION OF THE YAKAR LECTURE, thetranscription of which starts at the start of the preceeding doc, =sh_ykps1}
-----------------------------------------
{TRANSCRIPTION OF R. SHLOMO CARLEBACH LECTURE AT YAKAR}

Once I had the privilege of sitting next to a pilot from_United Airlines
and it was a gevaldt, and he was mamash explaining_me everything, you know,
as much as I was able to fathom. So this_is what he told me. You see, you
just see air, you are not a_mavin on what's going on in heaven, right.
There are streets. He_said, let's say, for instance, from New York to
Israel, there's a_highway. There's a street. There is a street in heaven
from New_York to Tel Aviv, right. But sometimes, until the airplane gets_on
it, it shuckles a little bit. But when it's on it, you go_straight, right.

You see what it is, there is like from me to_heaven, there's a highway. And
my parnasa, my helicopter, or my_747, is the way from heaven. But if I'm
not connected to my_roots, then the parnasa also doesn't reach me.
Everything doesn't_come in the right place. 

And here I want you to open
your hearts in the deepest way. 
_When we ate from the Tree of Knowledge,
G-d says, you'll eat your_food with sadness. It was not the punishment. It
was just a_fact. Because that food from the Tree of Knowledge was not
from_my roots, right. It didn't come from the highway from G-d to me.


_Remember we were learning it alot of times, I don't want to go_over it
again. Remember, but it's so good, I have to tell you_again, in case you
weren't there. 
The first teaching Moshe_Rabbenu gives us after we stood on
Mount Sinai, he says, if_someone steals... Remember, a little bit
heartbreaking, right, I_expected something else. The first teaching after
Moshe comes_down from heaven, I expected a talk, what is G-d?, right. Or
the_importance of G-d in your personal life. Or the importance of_being a
Jew. Something. So how does he begin? Someone stole and_he can't pay, then
you have to sell him as a slave, and you have_to let him go after six
years. Really. First of all, it really_never happened. But besides
everything else, really... I mean_I'm so high now after Mount Sinai. 

But
you know what the_Ishbitser says, actually the Zohar Kodesh. 
The first
thing is to_fix Adam and Eve. You know, the Tree of Knowledge was not
their_tree. It's a gevaldt. When they ate from the Tree of Knowledge,_it
was stolen food. This is awesome, right. And they can't pay. _They can't
pay. So therefore they are sold into slavery. Is that_awesome, right. But
yet G-d promises after six years... six years _when Mashiach is coming, or
on Shabbos, this is already not_important. The important part I want you to
know, the Tree of_Knowledge is not our food.

So he says, everybody knows, Pesach is the fixing of the_Tree of Knowledge.
That means Pesach, you know Matsa is called_"Michleh d'Osvosa", the healing
food. 

I want you to know_something, if someone tells you, you know, if
you're on a diet, or_anything with health food, you know, matsa... I don't
buy that. _Matsa- matsa is mamash "Michleh d'Osvosa". It's the most
healing_food in the world. And even if you don't know, if you don't
feel_it, nebech, if you're not on the level yet... Imagine if someone_is
very sick, and I give him some strong medicine and he says I_don't feel
anything. Forget it. I'm a doctor, I'm telling you. _The Ribbono shel Olam,
the "Emesa Doctor", the =7F`vG g`nkl "Rofeh_Cholim", He says to us, "Matsa,
Matsa is good for you." 

You know_last year, there was somebody in my shul,
he says, hand matsa { shmurah matza, matza in which the (whole) wheat is groundby hand (sa)}  is_too heavy, you know, and he refused. He was not from
our chevre. _Someone saw my name in the newspaper, he wanted to come for
the_Seder. 

You hear friends, you know what's so special about Matsa? _The
Matsa which I'm eating is mamash coming down on my highway. _The only
thing, G-d asks me one thing, before I give you that_Matsa, you have to get
rid of the Chamets. Because Chamets, you_know Chamets, there's nothing bad
with Chamets, and I can eat it_all year long. But you know on Pesach, when
I begin my life_again... 

{I guess it was not the Daemon, but the inputter, who indicated underlining with+ marks.  Good enough idea.  I use CAPS. }

And just be aware of one thing. 
Because the
deepest_question in the world is, isn't it important to know what's
right_and what's wrong. What's wrong with the Tree of Knowledge? And I_hope
you remember this is a +m+u+s+t Torah. If nobody should eat it,_why did G-d
create the tree? But the answer is very simple, we_were supposed to eat
first from the Tree of Life and then the Tree_of Knowledge. Adam was
created on Friday and the first feast was_supposed to be... One of the
biggest fixings they would give out_to their Chassidim is fasting on
=46riday. Because what was the_mistake of Adam and Eve? They didn't want to
wait until Friday_night to eat the Tree of Life. So the fixing is, I'm
fasting. I_have time til Shabbos. 

So you see, when I eat the food which is
my food, (and I'm_not talking about health food, because that's not what
I'm talking_about now), mamash the food which is mamash meant for me,
mamash_meant for me, ah then I eat with so much Simcha. You see, when I_eat
stolen food, I'm not b'Simcha, right. When I eat food, which_is mamash my
food, sent down for me on the highway from heaven,_ah, it's so good. 

Let's
put it this way. I'm going to a Chinese_restaurant and I'm eating soup.
It's good soup. Am I sitting_there and blowing my mind with joy? No.
Because it's not my_soup. I eat it. But imagine I'm coming home, and my
wife and my_children make me some soup. Ah, it's so good. Because the
soup_is mamash made for me. 
Matsa is something else. 

You know what it is to
be in exile? _To be in exile you have everything but it's not really yours.

You_know what Erets Yisrael is? It's mamash ours. 
I can live in_Dallas and
be a frum Yid, even go to Paradise. But you didn't_live in your own house.
Erets Yisrael is mamash my house, right. _Pesach is my house. 

Why are you
always worried about parnasa? Why are we so_worried? Because basically I'm
not connected to the highway where_my parnasa is coming from. And it's
always a miracle if I get_something because... Imagine if G-d forbid, G-d
forbid, if_suddenly the machine doesn't work in the airplane and it's
flying_around there. It would be a miracle if we're flying to the_airport.
You see if my highway is not in contact, how do you get_your parnasa? When
I feel it inside, so I'm always worried. But_when I'm connected, I'm not
worried. 


Now listen to this. 
Why is it when we came out of Egypt, we_were
not worried about food? no\h Gg=7Fk |Db|=7F (Lechtech_achariye b'midbar. (Wh=
en you came after Me in the desert). It's_crazy. You don't know where your
bagel is coming tomorrow_morning. Why should I worry? The One who is
feeding me is_sending it to me. No problem. 

You see, Pesach, not only
spiritually and so to speak,_religiously, am I finding my place in the
world. What's happening_to me in the deepest, deepest, deepest, depths,
that I'm re|establishing my "tsinor", my connection, where my parnasa
is_coming from.

OK, now we go one step deeper. 
What will happen when_Mashiach is coming?
When Mashiach is coming, what G-d will show_us, that even when we thought
we were off, in the deepest depths_we weren't off either. We were never
off. Because how is it_possible that a Jew should be off. You know, how is
it possible_that a Jew should be off when G-d is watching us so much. You
know what it means,'nkn VkD`=7Fkl d`G nd (Layl Shimurim Hu_L'Hashem, Night of
Watching for G-d). That night it's clear to us_how much G-d is watching us.

But first I establish my highway,_right, and then suddenly it's clear to
me, while I eat the Matsa,_then I realize mamash, it was really always my
highway, in a_certain deep way.

And on this Yom Tov, G-d is shining into us, mamash I_recognize my place
and my roots. And suddenly it's clear to me_where is this little piece of
chamets, where is this stupid little_thing which prevents me from being
what I'm supposed to be. And that's the greatest thing, mamash.


I just saw somewhere, one of those magazines. A woman writes _she was very
sick. It's not important if it's true or not, but_this is what she writes.
She was very, very sick. She went to_all the doctors, and then she met a
peasant, and the peasant told_her, you know what, every morning, the first
thing you have to do,_you have to eat a raw garlic. And after 30 days, she
was cured. _You know what that means? That's a little chamets, you just
need_a little garlic. You need something. You don't need an_operation, you
don't need who knows what. A small thing. G-d is showing it to me on
Pesach.  

{Comment (sa):  They say garlic is a broad-based natural antibiotic.  Dr.Stephan Rechtaffen, of Rheinbeck NY, who put together and runs Omega Institute,which is a summer get-together of seminars by wholistic healers, once told me: garlic is the best thing for high blood pressure.
If you cut up garlic into olive oil, it doesn't bite.  Great to dip bread into.
Dry red wine is also very healthful.}

I want you to know how deep this is. You know I always think_I lost
something on my way. Friends, you know we are always so_sad inside? We lost
so much. 

{Comment (sa):  Again: Cf. Thoreau, in Walden (I:60): "I long ago lost a hound,a bay horse, and a turtle-dove, and am still on their trail.  Many are thetravelers I have spoken concerning them, describing their tracks and what callsthey asnwered to.  I have met one or two who had heard the hound, and the trampof the horse, and even seen the dove disappers behind a cloud, and they seemedas anxious to recover them as if they had lost them themselves."
    Philip van Doren Stern notes:  "this passasge, as first written, read:  'Ilong ago lost a hound -- and a turtledove and a bay horse.' (ms. 337)."}
    And others say:  Ayat }

  
You know what the biggest simcha in_the world is? When G-d is
shining into me, it's still there. _It's still there. Because G-d doesn't
let you lose anything. 

There's another Torah in Bais Yaakov. 
He says,
Imagine, I_have a child and I give my child a million dollars and then
the_child is playing with a million dollars. Slowly, slowly, the_money is
falling out. Then the child realizes, gevaldt, I lost a_million dollars.
And the father says, listen, I walked behind_you, I picked it up all the
time. I have it. It's right here,_right. You know what is nkn dVkD`=7Fkl LaylShimurim, a night of_guarding, that G-d gives us back everything we lost.
Everything_we lost. So you see, this is unbelievable.


Now listen to this. 
The night before the Seder, I see my_roots. And I know
where I'm supposed to be. And then I see what_I did wrong. And I see how
much I lost because of the chamets. _And I'm trying to get rid of the
chamets in the worst way, right. _OK, I burn the chamets. Then comes Seder
night, nkn VkD`=7Fkl Layl_Shimurim, then G-d shows me, you didn't lose
anything. You didn't_lose anything. Mamash, I have it. 

And you see what it is. 
You_see, on Yom Kippur, I say, "Ribbono shel Olam, I'll do Tshuva
and_then I'll be hopefully a holy person." On Pesach, it's a_completely
different thing. On Pesach, G-d is shining into me_that I was always the
holiest person in the world. I was always_there. I was always there. 

You
see, the night of Seder, it's clear to me in the deepest,_deepest, deepest
depths. Mamash I'm tasting, Mashiach is here_already. Mashiach is here. 

I want you to know something. In a certain deep way... OK,_this is the
deepest. 
What is the greatest sin in the world. And_what is the most
hurting thing in the world. You know what hurts_most? To be an outsider.
The most heartbreaking thing in the_world. 

Take the world today. People are
married, they have a_wife, they have children, they have a husbands, they
are an_outsider. How many people come home and they are outsiders in_their
own home. 
You know what the saddest thing in the world is? _A Yid to come
to shul and he feels like an outsider. He goes to a_movie, he feels at
home. He goes to a nightclub and he hears some_dirty jokes, he feels at
home. He comes to shul... outsider. 

You know how the evil forces in the
world are called? They_are not called evil forces. They are called gk{`Ikl
(chitsonim),_Outsiders. They are not inside. The depths of a Yid is, I'm
an_insider. 

So therefore he says, you know how much it takes from
an_insider to an outsider? It's just one crumb. DVd`G (Mashehu,_something
so little.)      _       

Let me tell you something. 
I meet this girl,
she's_beautiful, I like her, but I'm not madly in love with her. You_know
why? Because there's a "Mashehu". There's a little crumb. _Nothing wrong.
Something. Something. 

You know why we don't_reach the level we're supposed
to be on? Why are we outsiders_instead of insiders? It's this "mashehu". 

I want you to know_something awesome. 
You know, this "mashehu" is so deep,
you know. _It is so small, you can maybe barely see it. "Mashehu".
_Something.


I'll tell you something else. 
Take the good side, right. _Sometimes you
meet a person, they are a gevaldt, right. I'll show_you the same person,
the same thing, but it's not a gevaldt. _What's the difference? It's this
"mashehu". Pssssssss. I can't_even put my finger on it. But it's "mashehu".
It's something. 

_You know, from inside to outside, where does outside begin
and_where does inside begin? There are no borders, saying, ah, now_you're
outside, now you're inside. This is "masheshu". One_billionth of an inch
more, you're inside. One billionth of an_inch, you're outside. 

You know
sometimes, you are good friends with somebody and_then suddenly, they
become outsiders. This "mashehu", a little_bit chamets. It doesn't go,
right. And the other way around. _Sometimes we are not so close to a person
and then suddenly, we_are so close, right. Because we got rid of this
"mashehu". _Gevaldt, right. 


I want you to know, I had the privilege, you
know, I don't_want to mention names, I can only mention the good. 
My Rebbe, Reb_SHLOMO HIEMAN, was a gevaldt, right. His FDy`\ (amakus) the_depthswas, mamash like matsa, you know... You know how deep he_was, when he would say,
let's say, one and one is two, you'd die_from depths. Because the way he
said it, it was so deep. Deep,_right. Deep is not the word. But when he
said something really_deep, it was so heavenly. 

I remember there was once,
you know vnikIE |bk|`=7FG (Palginan b'dibura, a talmudic subject
about_testimony) in Kesubas, it's a whole long sugya, and Do`\, (Makos)_a
little bit. There's a big shaila from Reb Akiva Eiger. And all_those great,
the greatest answered. Reb Yehoshua Leib Diskin, Reb_Isser Zalman, and Reb
Baruch Ber. So then Reb Shlomo gave a_shiur. And he said... you know what
it is, the way he gave over_Reb Eiger's question was so deep, that suddenly
it was clear to_you that all those answers are... they don't even know what
he's_asking... And then he gave his answer. I could not believe... it_was
not like, a little bit, like a few U-turns. Straight. Like_mamash, you
could see every word of the Gemora is mamash clear,_clear before his holy
eyes. I remember, I said to him, Rebbe,_it's a gevaldt. But not to be
believed, I said, you know, Reb_Yehoshua Leib Diskin who was really the
greatest, Reb Isser_Zalman, and Reb Baruch Ber, I said mamash they didn't
understand_Reb Eiger's "kasha". 

Oy, nebech, it's a long, long story.
When_his wife was pregnant, there was a pogrom, nebech. In Krematchuk.
_Nebech, so he put his wife on a wagon and he drove out (didn't_come out on
tape)                           

{Comment (sa):  R. Shlomo would usually lower his voice, sometimes almost to awhisper, at the deepest or most intimate parts of his teaching.  Withprofessional equipment, one might recapture what it said, if the original tapesare preserved in good condition.  }


The Seder, I cannot begin the Seder before the three stars. _Do you know
why? Because there it says in the Torah |F=7F| \Gon`_D{`\ (B'erev tuchlu
matsos, in the evening eat Matsot) I mamash_have to eat the Matsa when it's
dark. 

You see on the level of_Kedushas (the holiness of the) Yom Tov,
Kedusha of the day, I can_add. That means, I'm mikabel (I accept) on myself
Pesach. Let's_say, {gap in input} the holy sisters bentch licht, it's Yom Tov.So
I'm not_permitted to do anything else anymore. But when it comes mamash_to
the Seder, when it's Pesach, it has to be night. 

And here it's_a little bit
of a controversy amongst the poskim. What about_davining Ma'ariv the first
night of the Seder? It's says also
the night of Pesach {gap?}  is also part of the_night. Everything has to be at
night. Or is it just the Matsa? _OK, I leave it up to you.


Also, I'm sure you know this. This is very, very important. _You don't sit
down late afternoon by the Seder and have a big_meal. You can eat
something, you know, you can eat something. _You don't have to be
completely dying from hunger. But basically,_Pesach, after twelve, you
don't have a meal. If you eat_something, you eat something. Everybody eats
something in order_not to sit by the Seder and think of food. 

You remember
what the_KUZAMER says, it's better to eat and think of davening than
daven_and think of food. 

Then, it's very, very important. This is gevaldt.
The_Seder, the table of the Seder must have four legs. I don't want_to get
too involved in this, but because, first of all bnb =7Fink_dVokId (Daled
raglei HaShechina) G-d's wagon has four wheels or_four legs. Avraham,
Yitschak, Yaakov, and David HaMelech. But_also, but you know, the table
belongs to the woman, you know,_preparing   the food. So the four mothers.
You need four legs for _the table. And it also has G-d's name, four
letters.


And also something else. The table on which you eat Matsa_has to stand
strong. Mamash strong. 

You know what the difference _between the person who
is in exile and the person who is free? An_exile person does everything
right but doesn't take a stand. 

You_know what the saddest thing is? I don't
want to chas v'shalom say_anything bad, to be DF`=7F=7F bkE (M'orare din, to
wake up judgement)_on Israel. What's the problem? On one hand, we are
licking the_goyim, right. We don't like the yidden so much and we don't
take_a stand. We are winding our way. Take a stand. One time. ou_know if
Israel would say one time, to the whole world, go to hell,_God gave us the
land, they would stop. Because they would know. 

It's very important,
everybody knows, the table of the Seder,_put two tablecloths. One
tablecloth over the table, then one_more. 

And now something else. This is
very, very important. you_don't know how rich all of us are, but it's
really a custom to put_all the gold and silver, you put them on the table.
Because the_night we left Egypt, if you remember, we took all the gold and
all_the silver of Egypt. And you remember this story. Why was there three
days_darkness? Because G-d promised Avraham when we walk out from_Egypt
he'll be rich. So G-d says to Moshe Rabbenu, do me a favor. _I don't want
chas v'shalom, I don't want Avraham to be angry with_me,

You remember, G-d says to Avraham, yea, slaves you made them. _That you
kept. But to walk out rich, that you didn't. So we_walked into all the
Egyptian houses. Give me some gold. We have_nothing. But during the three
days, listen to this. This is very_important. During the three days of
darknessm, do you know how_strong the darkness was?* They couldn't move,
none the less, they_couldn't see. It was heavy darkness. We walked into the
Egyptian_houses and we saw everything they have. You knew what blew
the_minds of the Egyptians? We could have stolen everything. But we_didn't
steal one thing. We walked into the houses of the_Egyptians, we said we
want to borrow some gold and silver from_you.        I'll give it back to
you. _And they trusted us. Because they knew we are not thieves. 

And I_want you to know something awesome. 
If the Egyptians would have_not run after us
by the Red Sea where they all drowned, we would_have given it back to them.
I don't know. But they all drowned. _But it was such a Kiddish HaShem, they
saw mamash that Yidden_don't steal. Just imagine, we were nearly three
million slaves_and not one of them... take today, you know the way the
world is,_when it's dark, they steal, who knows what they are doing.
We_would have a strong claim, you're making slaves out of us, you_haven't
paid us anything for two hundred and ten years, right. _Not one thing was
missing. 
                                                    
*{Comment (sa):  3/16/98:  Woke up this morning, around sunup, by the shore ofthe Kineret, to a weird yellow sky.  A sand/dust-storm from the Sinai and theArabian desert, meeting with very cold air from the north.  Very low visibility,a very oppressive feeling; one wants very much to stay indoors.  Covered theentire region.  They say such a storm may occur once every 4 or 5 years, thoughI don't recall another in the 10 years I've been here. }


OK, but Seder night, I want you to know, this is the Zohar_HaKodesh. 
What's
the difference between and a slave and a prince? _A slave takes, and a
prince receives. You don't want to take, you_want to receive. And also you
see what it is. We didn't take_freedom. Freedom is not something you can
take. Freedom is a_gift from heaven; you are to receive it. Gevaldt, right.


I know there are hundreds of stories about the Heilage_RIZHINER. You know,
he mamash had a lot of gold and silver. You_know, mamash, gevaldt. 
Then he
said, we were learning it, this is_mamash beautiful, this is mamash for all
the holy hippilach. 
It's_a custom that you put a lot of incense on the
Seder. I don't_know, what you are doing, but it's beautiful to put incense
and_flowers on the Seder table. (Incense burning?) Obviously, not_just to
look at. This seems to be a Sephardisha minhag (custom) _      

OK, chevre,
this is very, very beautiful. This is for you_Dovid'l, two Dovidlach. 
If
someone has a privilege of writing a_sefer, so this is my =7Fo`V ib`n
(richush gadol, great possession),_right? I'm walking out of Egypt with all
the Torah I learned. _Everything I learned from all my sad days of slavery.
So all the_pain I went through, I learned so much. 

Or I mentioned
someone_keeps a diary of all his mamash neshama travelling. So you put_this
also on the Seder table. 
The question is, after you walk out_into freedom,
what did you gain by it? Ah, I gained so much, I_learned so much. And if
you wrote it down, you put it on the_table, gevaldt, right.


Then something very special. 
Imagine you have domestic help_and then you
feel like going to the beauty parlor erev Pesach and_you tell your domestic
help, will you please get the table for the_Seder together. No. I mean in
emergency... But mamash it's the_greatest privilege, it is the greatest
privilege to do it_yourself. 

I'm not sure now, but something I remember
that the_Heilage Rizhiner himself would put all the gold and silver on
the_Seder table. 

Then there's something very special, again, I don't want
to_press anyone or say anything, but basically it says that all the_holy
women who prepare the table of the Seder should go to the_Mikve before.
Gevaldt. I know in Bobov, the Heilage Rebbetsin, I_remember erev Pesach,
the Bobover Rebbe came and made a Mikve. So_mamash I remember erev Pesach,
to the Mikve and then suddenly_there was a big sign by the Mikve, from two
to four, the Rebbetsin_is going to the Mikve. Gevaldt, right. If you can.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
{THIS TEACHING IS CONTINUED IN PART 3 OF THIS POST, WHICH FOLLOWS:}
To: reb-shlomo@israel.nysernet.ORG
From: spirit@amug.org (Ayla Grafstein)
Subject: REPOSTING R. Shlomo's Pesach TORAHS 3
Date: 06 Apr 95 03:16:38 EDT
=46rom: Nancy Bogost <74451.522@compuserve.com> To: Ayla Grafstein
<spirit@amug.org>
Subject: Shlomo Pesach Torahs 3
----------------------------------------------------------------

OK, there's one more very, very important thing. YIf we have_time, I just
want to learn one more very, very important thing. _Then I'd like to learn
a little bit more inside. 

You have to wear_white by the Seder. You mamash
have to. That means women should_wear white dresses. And again, if you have
it, you have it. But_if you can. And men should wear a kittel. But this is
again,_only after they get married. I really don't know why, but this
is_what it is. 

OK, here are two Torahs which are very, very important.
When_do you wear a kittel? G-d forbid, we should all live long and_happy,
but G-d forbid, when a person dies, what does he wear? A_kittel, right.
White. So Seder night, I want you really... this_is the deepest. 

Seder night, we are wearing a kittel. On an_outside level, it's to remind
ourselves. 
You know when we think_of G-d forbid leaving this world, it's
not to make me sad, but to_make me aware that you have to do something
while you are here. 

_Remember we were learning that on one hand, it's
heartbreaking_that we don't live forever. On the other hand, just imagine,
I_would live forever, right. I meet a girl, I like her very much, I_take
her number and I say, I think I'll call you in a hundred_thousand years. I
live forever       How does it sound to_you? What's the rush, right? In the
morning or the afternoon,_right. I want to learn the whole Shas. What's the
rush? I tell_Dovid'l, two million years from now, let's meet in
Yerushalayim_and we'll learn. On one hand, it's heartbreaking if you are
not_living forever. On the other hand, life became so much
more_concentrated. Because it's so deep, you know. Life has become so_much
more deep, in a certain deep way.                      

So Seder night, we are wearing a white kittel to remind_ourselves
that...But then I don't like it so much.... It's a_little bit, I'm sitting
there by the Seder, thinking, oy vey,_gevaldt, you know one hundred years
from now, G-d forbid... It_doesn't sound good to me.

This is really good. 
Remember we were learning the whole_time that Pesach
is the Tree of Life. You know why we wear white when we leave this world?
Really, I want you to open your hearts. _This is the deepest. 
There's a
whole Machlokes in the Zohar. What were the colors of our three holy
fathers? According to one,_the Zohar HaKodesh says, Avraham Avinu's color
was tacheles, blue. _Yitschak was red, and Yaakov was green. 

And there's a
whole_Torah. You know, Reb Mendele VORKER, the Silent Rebbe, his color_was
green. Green is growing. 

There's a whole thing, I shared it_with you. 
His grandson was also called Reb Mendela, he was mamash_like his grandfather.
Awesome. And this is a diary which was_written by his daughter. It was
never printed, and I only had the_privilege to get this diary for one
night. One of the Vorke_einachla (grandchildren) gave it to me. I had to
promise that I'd_give it back to him the next morning. I tried to read as
much as_I could. 

So she writes like this: 
Everybody knows that my
Zaida,_Reb Mendela Vorke, his color was green. Everything in the house_was
green. And she says, my holy father was named after my Zaida, _Alte Zaida,
everything was green. 
Then she says, my holy mother_died. My mother was so
beautiful, when she spoke she was so soft_and so sweet. And you know, I
don't want to say anything bad, in_those days, rebbes, nebech, you know,
especially if nebech a_Rebbe's wife died and left him with a few children,
then the_chassidim got together and marry him off with another
Rebbe's_daughter. So one day, my father came, I was eight, he comes and_he
says, I got married again. And the woman walks in. First of_all, her voice,
whhhhhhh... so loud and so chhhhhh. I couldn't_understand how my father
could marry such a woman. And then she_says, she walks in and she says, I
don't like green. So she says,_eight years old little girl, I knew right
away that she's not my_father's soulmate. And then she writes that every
night I was_crying in my sleep, I couldn't understand how my father could
be_living with such a woman. She didn't give any ounce of kavod_(honor) to
my father, she mistreated us, the children. She didn't_hit us, but it was
terrible. And I couldn't understand my father_and I saw mamash, he's
completely nebech destroyed, so broken. _One day, she wasn't there anymore. Andthat night for the first_time again, my father came to sit on my bed and he
says, I know_how much you have suffered. I just want you to know, I
divorced_her today. Because she was not my soulmate. 
She says, I was
so_proud of my father. I was so proud. 
Then she says, she was_already nine,
one day my father came with another woman. Ah, she_was so beautiful. Her
voice was so sweet. And when she walked_in, mamash I knew she was my new
mother. And my father says to_her, what's your favorite color? She says,
green. Ah, it's my_father's soulmate. So sweet, you know, unbelievable.

Awesome. I_don't know why they never gave it to me printed. The sweetest.
_You see, it's not miracles of the rebbes, but like mamash, they_are down
to earth, their family life, it's so sweet.      _

So Yaakov was green. 
But then there's another shita (method)_in the Zohar
which is awesome that Avraham Avinu was white. _Yitschak, everybody agrees
was red. bkE (Din, judgement) Yaakov_was techelet. 

What's white all about?
You know what we do? We paint our_face all the time. Basically white is not
a color. White is... _Red is a color, green is a color. White is not a
color. It is_beyond all colors. 

You know what paganism is? I'm not
talking_about idol worship, to bow down before a piece of wood. No,
we're_just doing that. 

You know what the PSHISKER says? Imagine the_Pshisker Torah. 
Someone asks him, what's real pagan, what means,_don't
worship idols today? Recessitate, he says. You want to be_a rebbe, right?
You want people to think that you are a holy man. _And here you are sitting
=46riday night and your wife gives you soup_and you're burning up to have a
second cup of soup. And then you_say, I want people to think I'm holy. So
you starve. Shabbos,_eating the plate. This is emesa (truthful) paganism,
he said. _You worship yourself. You paint yourself with something you
are_not. That's paganism. 

You know all of us, we have painted faces.
 _You know what Seder night is, going out of exile? To wash off all_the paint. 

I don't want to say anything bad, but you know, look around_today. 
This one is painted Orthodox, this one is painted_Conservative, this one ispainted Reform. It's all paint. It's_stupid paint, right. Imagine, you wash itoff, it'll be all the_same, right. It's all paint. 

Somebody told me an unbelievable_story without getting involved in Conservativeor Reform.
There_was a bif convention and first there was this ORthodox Rabbi and_this
Conservative Rabbi, then the Reform Rabbi. The Refom Rabbi_was learned in
the Mesifta Torah V'Daas. His mind was sharp, so_he says to the Reform
Rabbi, "Who's your President?" He points_out to this Yid. Hey. He says,
"Are you driving Shabbos morning_to synogoge? He says, "Yes". Then he says
to the President?" _This one. "Are you driving?" You hear friends? He's
very_clever. The Reform Rabbi says to the Orthodox Rabbi, "Who's
your_President?" He says, "Moshela Meir." He says, "How do you get_Shabbos
morning to the synogogue?" He gets all red in the face. _Anyway he admitted
that he's riding to two blocks before the shul. _So he says, what are we
fooling each other. What are we fooling_each other? Why does he make peace,
you know. He says, does_anybody here think we shouldn't keep Shabbos? Do
you think my_President doesn't know that you shouldn't drive on Shabbos.
And_doesn't your President from your orthodox shul know he shouldn't_drive
on Shabbos. Anyway it was a good meeting. All this paint,_right. 

I want you to know something. 
Sometimes you meet people that _are so painted, you
know. What's the most beautiful thing? When_you meet a real person without
paint. No paint. Truly 

You know children have no paint yet, until G-d
forbid we send them_to school... They have to have the paint of a good
student or_they have to have the paint of a gevaldt student or they have
to_have the paint of a wild student. All paint. Seder night we wear_white.
I want you to know, paint smwlls with death. Because_anything we don't do
for real, doesn't last.

And here comes the deepest Torah. 
Basically, I want you to_know it's a Torah from Ishbitser, it's so deep. 
I don't want to_get involved, it's a play on words. But he says the Cohenis_blessing us that the bracha
shouldn't be painted. G-d blesses us_all the time, but when you are
painted, G-d sends you a painted_bracha. What level you are, that's how the
blessing comes. The_blessing of the Cohen is that the bracha should mamash
be for_real. 

You know what it means, a painted bracha? It's not really_a
bracha. Just looks like one, right. 

You know how many times_we're disappointed because we thought it was thegreatest thing_that happened to us and then it wasn't. It was just paint. 

But then the deepest depths.
Seder night we mamash abolish_death. Because the moment we eat the matsa
which is the Tree of_Life, then suddenly I realize I don't have to wear the
kittel_anymore, after one hundred years. On the contrary, this
kittel_becomes a symbol of life. The kittel, you know, 

I remember I_always
tell people, why does the chason wear a kittel by the_chupah? You know what
he says to the kallah? Because of you, I_never ate from the Tree of
Knowledge. Because first Chava made me_eat from the Tree of Knowledge. Ah,
because my Chava gave me only_food from the Tree of Life. I don't have to
wear the kettel, after_I leave, after one hundred years.

Let me ask you, why did G-d make us go to Egypt and then_come out? Why did
we need the whole thing? G-d should have taken_us, children of Abraham,
bring us to the Holy Land to live happily_after says. 

You know who we would be? Robots. Nothing. _Nothing. 
You know a person who never did wrong in his
life is_nothing, is not worth an onion. You know Yosef HaTsaddik
thought_he's Mashiach. You know why? He never did anything wrong. So_you
know what Yehuda did? He took his coat and put it in blood. _You know what
he was telling him? You think you become Mashiach_by doing everything
right? You have to spill alot of blood until_you become Mashiach. It's not
so simple. You have to make so_many mistakes. You have to go through so
much in your life. 

You know what the Hagaddah is? 
The Hagaddah is, I want	you_to know, the Hagaddah is the story of every one ofus. 
And even_if we
don't understand it, but to give us a taste. It's the story_of how we went
wrong, how we went to Egypt, we were slaves, we_came out, until we came
out, how we came out. But you always come_out. We always come out. 

And seder night is just so good. 
I just want you to know,_Seder night is mamash
Torah Sh'Baal Peh. It is mamash Torah_Sh'Baal Peh. 

I mentioned last night,
it's written by Eliyahu_HaNavi. Eliyahu HaNavi is the one who lives
forever. 
Do you know_why he lives forever? I was always learning that he
loves Yidden_so much, he cannot leave this world until he meets every Jew.
So_he has to stay here forever. 

But right now I have a different_idea.
Eliyahu HaNavi says I cannot leave because I want to see_every mistake
Yidden are making. And every generation makes_different mistakes. You want
so much to know the story. You_know, like a Hitchcock story, you can't
leave in the middle. You_can't. 

I want you to know something. 
It is
possible to know every_word of the Torah and not be completely in this
world. 

You know_what bugs us sometimes. You know someone told me, a
Yeshiva_bochur, who mamash wanted to leave the Yeshiva, wanted to
leave_Yiddishkeit. Baruch Hashem, he met Zusia {R. Zusha Frumin, of Meor Modi'in-- sa}, then I met him. He
was_talking to me. Whenever he had personal problems, he would tell_the
Rosh Yeshiva. The Rosh Yeshiva would say, listen, you just_sit and learn.

It's not so simple. Sure the Torah has a lot to_say. The Torah is heavenly.
The Torah has heavenly advice, but_maybe not the Tosfos in VIkkl G`gekl
(sh'nayim ochzim) is the_answer. 

You know what night Seder is? Mamash the depths of life. _The deepest depths oflife. What's happening to us in this
world. _How much pain we go through. How many mistakes we make. And_maybe
later on we'll have more time, but I want you to know, Seder_night... 

You know what good education is? Good education is not_only telling your
children how to keep Shabbos or how to wash_Negel Vasser. It's very
important. Good education is to prepare_your children how to make mistakes
and come back. You know what Seder night is? Mamash I'm in Egypt and
I'm_coming out. 

And you know what Matsa is? Matsa is mamash healing_me from
all my wounds. 

I just want to say one more thing. 
I want you to know
what_the KOZHNITSER Maggid says, remember David'l, we were learning it.

_Why is the first thing we take the Matsa and we break it? The_Kozhnitser
Maggid says, a person who doesn't know that in this_world the heart of
every Jew is broken, then you don't know_anything about life. 

We are not living in a world of whole_hearts. We are living in a "yachats"(breaking  the middle Matsa)_world. But this is what makes the world sobeautiful. This is_what makes the world so beautiful! 


Anyway, thank you a
million_times, forgive me for making it so long or so short, whatever
it_is. 

If I could have your sweetest attention, brothers and_sisters: 
You know, the way we do it, after Pesach night we go to_shul, then I'm taking
my family for a walk, to get some fresh air._Then we come home, and then my
wife says, maybe let's make the_table for the Seder. We have time. We take
a little rest before,_so we'll be really relaxed. And then later on we'll
make a Seder. _How does it sound to you? 

I want you to know the Seder table
has_to be set at least by 12, 1 o'clock. It has to be set. 
You know_when
the Russian Czar comes to visit me, I don't wait til he rings_the bell. I
say listen, Brother Czar, I'm just about setting the_table. It doesn't go
this way. 

But then according to some_Mikubalim, you should set the table
three days before. This is_very deep. You know by Matan Torah, we had Vn`Vd
kDk di|nd _Shlosha yimay hagbala, three days to prepare ourselves. But
this_is Torah Sh'Biksav, and we'll go into it later on. 

I want you to_know
all the preparation for Pesach is all Torah Sh'Baal Peh. 
It_says in the Torah, don't eat Chamets. Seder night, we have to eat_KorbanPesach. 
The whole thing of the Seder and the whole thing,_Eliyahu HaNavi writing the
Hagaddah for us. It's all Torah_Sh'Baal Peh. Added. Added. Added. 

So when
we got the Torah_Sh'Biksav... You see Pesach is mamash both. It's Torah
Sh'Biksav_and Torah Sh'Baal Peh. But three days. I'm just giving you
the_most important parts. 

But this is only the first day. But for_the
second day, you cannot set the Seder table during the first_day for the
second night. Then you have to wait until it's night. _Mamash night. 

We know because something very important. You know_that on Shabbos I am
permitted to make Kiddush, imagine someone_makes Shabbos very early, from
"Plag HaMincha" on, let's say licht_bentchin is 6:20 and already 5 o'clock
you daven mincha and now I_come home and I make Kiddush before three stars
are showing. _According to 90% of the poskim it's 100% OK. Because by
Shabbos_there is a halacha of Tosfos Shabbos, to add to Shabbos. 

And also_again, I don't want to repeat myself, but you have to forgive me. 
_Remember we were learning it, Reb Nachman talks about it a_thousand times. 
You know, Chava, one of the fixings of the Tree_of
Knowledge is that she is bentching licht. Is a woman bentching_licht one
split second before the three stars are showing? Adding_to Shabbos, right.
Torah Sh'Baal Peh. Adding, adding, adding,_adding.


You see what it is, the Tree of Knowledge is so dead. _Anything dead you
cannot add to. 
I want to tell you something,_you read to me a dead Torah.
What can I add? You tell me a dead_story. Do you know what life is? It's
growing. Growing is_adding. The Tree of Knowledge doesn't grow. It has no
smell. If_you remember that the Tree of Knowledge has no smell. 

{The transcriber notes the following:}
(End of tape, don't know where it continues...)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
{APPARENTLY THIS IS A TAPE NOT CONTINUOUS WITH THE PRECEEDING.  IT SEEMS TO BETHE START OF ANOTHER LECTURE. }

Third Tape, in Hebrew                 

{I'M NOT CLEAR WHETHER WHAT FOLLOWS IS A 4th TAPE.  It is clearly not atranslation of that "3rd Tape, in Hebrew"}

Good Yom Tov! I just hope, I hope, I hope... I just hope _you'll have a
good Seder. Seder, is something else. 

You know,_sadly enough, sometimes I
ask people on the morning of Pesach, the_first morning, "So how was the
Seder?" I'm sure you know the same_people like I do, they say, "Ah, the
soup was very good," right. _"The matsa, pssst." Nebech, right.
Heartbreaking. 

Seder night. I'm sure everyone knows, Seder is order, right.
Seder night,_every person can put his act together. Mamash Seder night,
you_can ask of G-d, "Please, Master of the World, put some order in
my_life. I don't want to be a slave anymore. I don't want to be a_slave to
yesterdays and the days before." 

OK, this is the Torah I want to share with you. Maybe we_learned it, maybe not.The world always thinks that a slave
has_no choice. And a free person has choice. So when G-d took us out_of
Egypt, he gave us back our choice. Which sounds good. 

I need_something so much deeper than that. Because this is what the_world says.You know, before I was free it was hard for me to_kill everyone, now I'm free, Ican do what I want. I have choice. _That's the destruction of the world. Before
I was free, I could_only get a job in certain neighborhoods. Now I'm free,
I can get_a job in every neighborhood in New York. This is not what
freedom_is. 

Here comes the ISHBITSER Torah. It's the deepest. You have_to
open your hearts. It's so deep. 
Let's start from there. 
I have choice to keep Shabbos, right. If you're going to ask me,_"Are you goingto keep next Shabbos?" If I'm not with it, I say,_"Sure, I'm an orthodox Jew,"gevaldt, right. But if I'm deep,_deep inside, I can only say, "I hope, I hope.G-d should give me_the privilege." 

But yet, there's something deeper than this.
_There's choice and not choice. 
You know friends, I have choice. _I can go
tomorrow morning to a church and convert and apply to be_the next Pope. I
have choice. In fact I don't like this one_Pope, I'll offer them my
talents, I'll be a better Pope. And I_hope you chevre will support me,
L'chaim! You know an "emesa Yid"_(a truthful Jew), a Pope, right. Why not?
I have choice, right.

 _But let me tell you something. Did I tell you that
I'm madly in_love with this Chinese girl. Don't know any Chinese name for
the_moment, let's call her Miss Lee. And I'm madly in love with
her,_there's nothing I wouldn't do for her. So I'll tell you what_happened.
The only night she has free is Seder night. So you_know, like you say,
business before pleasure, pleasure before_business. So I told Miss Lee...
I'll tell you something. Seder_night, I want you to come with a limosine
and wait outside my_house, and I made reservations in a Chinese restaurant
in_Chinatown and we'll go out and have a good time. I have choice. _I have
choice. 

You have to open your hearts. It's Seder night. _And here the
limosine is waiting outside my house. Miss Lee is in_the limosine and she
says, "Hey, let's go." Let me ask you_something, can I really get into the
limosine? Seder night. _Maybe my feet will carry me till the limosine. But
when it comes_to the limosine, you know what I'll realize suddenly? I have
no_choice. I can't. I say, "Miss Lee, I'm sorry." I thought I have_choice,
but I don't. Do I have choice to be the Pope? Yea, I_have choice. No... I
don't have choice.. 

So here the Holy Ishbitser is mamash "michadesh" (makes
a new_Torah). It's a major breakthrough as far as I'm concerned. 
_There's
choice and no choice. But then there's something deeper. _Yes I have
choice. No, I don't have choice. Do I have choice to_be a Yid? Yea, I do.
No, I don't. 

So the Heilege Bais Yaakov says, a slave is somebody who
has_choice. Everything he does is by choice. 
OK, let's say a slave_is
working. He has choice, because if he won't work they'll shoot_him, so he
works. That's choice. 

You know what a free person is? _I'm living up to my
deep, deep, deep non-choice. 

{Comment (sa):  As I recall, I think this is the point Spinoza makes in hisEthics.}

You know what an assimilated Jew is? By choice, he does_everything wrong.
 Why, Seder night, the most low rotten Jew
has a_little Seder. As bad as it is, as much as they don't know what to_do
at the Seder. 
Someone told me that on Seder night his uncle_collects all
the dirty jokes from all year and gives them over by_the Seder. So listen
to me, in this world, below, here, it looks_terrible. I'm sure Reb Levi
Yitschak of Berditchov would blow his_mind. Gevaldt! This Moshele is
collecting dirty jokes all year,_l'kavod (in honor of) Pesach. What's he
feeling? What's_happening to Moishe's inside? You know what's happening
inside? _He realizes, I have to do something Seder night. Nebech,
he_doesn't know what to do. Because nobody taught him. 

So you hear friends,
the Heilega Ishbitser says a +M+i+t+s+v+a D{`d _is Mem, Tsaddik, Vav, Hey.
Vav is a long line, it means I have_choice. It begins in heaven and comes
down to this world, I have_choice. +M+a+t+s+a D{d has no vav. I have no
choice. 

You know,_friends, Matsa goes so fast. When do I do things very,
very fast? _Let's put it this way. Let's take Miss Lee, right. Miss Lee
says_to me, I would like to go swimming with you in Coney Island. _Maybe
I'm going. I have choice. I go slow. I come and I go. _God forbid, I hear
somebody drowning in the ocean. Why do I jump? _Why do I do it so fast?

{This E-mail message ends here, though it is clearly not the end of thisLecture.}
{The following is clearly AG's sigfile:}

        Ayla Grafstein         Voice: 602-569-1169      FAX: 602-569-1239
        Spirit of the Desert - Ruach Hamidbar
        P.O. Box 55747, Phoenix, Arizona 85078

==========================================================================
