          THE MYSTERY OF SEDER NIGHT

transcribed by Rivka Haut
for Connections Magazine vol 3 no 1
Brooklyn, 5747.

Copyright (C) 1987 Congregation Kehilat Jacob
Reprinted with permission

No commercial redistribution without permission of
copyright holder and the Estate of Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach

     I want to tell you a gevalt story which my brother told me an
Chanuka. On the third day of Chanuka them was a bris (cimumcision)
in Boro Park. The holy Bobover Rebbe was the sandek, and he
told this story at the bris. Them was a woman in Brooklyn who was
married fifteen years, and she was not blessed with children. She
want from rebbe to rebbe, from tzaddik to tzaddik, from one to the
other, but still she had no child. She did not know what to do with
herself. Since she had a lot of time, she became a volunteer in a
hospital, and there she discovered a woman who was all alone, who
had nobody in the world. For two years she took care of her. After
two years the woman left this world and she, the woman who didn't
have children, was there when she died. The dying woman said to
her: "There is no way for me to thank you in this lifetime, for what
you did for me. But, I promise you, the moment I go up to hmven,
and stand before the Ribbono Shel Olam (G-d), I swer to you I will
send you a baby." The Bobover rebbe said: "The baby that was iust
circumcised is this baby. He is a gift from that woman."
Unbelievable.

     O.K. Now I want to talk to you friends. There is exile, and then
them is something even deeper than that, when you don't know
what to do and you don't know where you belong. Exile means I live
in Boro Park, I have a house, I have a business. But, something is
missing, something is wrong. Deep deep inside I know that this is
not where I belong. Somehow I know I have to be in Yerushalayim
(Jerusalem), in the Holy City. I am not in the right place. Then there
is something worse-slavery. I can't even do what I want. Someone
else is telling me what to do. Then them is something even deeper
than all of this. There comes the point that I don't know what to do.
Not that somebody else is telling me what to do.  I don't know
myself what to do.

     The Bible says, "and darkness was on the face of the void,
and the spirit of G-d hovered on the face of the waters". There
was darkness in the world, and the spirit of G-d was hovering over
the waters. The Midrash says that this is the spirit of Mashiach.
Then the Bible says: "And G-d said, 'let there be light"'. I want to
say here, and we will return to this again, that obviously when G-d
said "let there be light" this light meant redemption. We always
talk about the light of redemption. To be in exile means I have
everything, but it is dark. Everything is there, even when my house
is dark, everything is still there, but I can't find it. I don't know
where it is. I have everything, and it's dark.

     Sometimes this happens between people too. Marriage can be an
exile, friendship can be an exile. You us here, I am there, we can't
find each other. So, what keeps us going until the light of redemption?
"And G-d's spirit was upon the waters." Somehow, we are
smelling the redemption. Hovering means it's there and it's not
there. Like those great moments when I experience a little bit of
redemption. And after that will come actual redemption. The
headquarters for that mashiach moment is seder night. Whenver I
am, I might be in prison, I might be in Aushwitz, but that one
night I taste mashiach, I am tasting the complete redemption.

     I want you to know something so deep. Why don't we really invite
guests, the right way? When I am at somebody else's house, I cannot
invite guests. How do I know who is the master of the house? If
I see twelve people in a house, I don't know who is the baal habayis
(master of the house). But, if I knock on a door, and someone invites
me to come in, that is the one who is the master of the house. I want
to say a gevalt Torah. In order to fulfill the mitzah of hachnasat
orchim (welcoming guests), you have to feel at home where you are.
And, when I feel at home, then I can invite guests. Why is Friday
night so special for us? Why Shabbos? Because, everybody knows,
on Shabbos I am not in exile. Shabbos, every Jew is in Eretz Yisrael
(Israel). Shabbos the house belongs to me. So, when I am at home, I
can invite guests.

     There is no greater inviting of guests than seder night. That
night, a Jew knows that wherever I am, that is my home. When do I
feel most that I do not have a home? When I have children. Children
cannot grow up in the street. They need a house. Seder night I am
providing a home for them. Then my children can came and talk to
me. They say, I know you were always afraid to look me in the eye,
because you always thought, I should have a house for you. Tonight
you have a house, and I can come and talk to you.

     This Torah I heard from my friend, Rabbi Polin, from Boston,
one of my best friends. He said why did the galut (Exile) begin with
Yitzchak (Isaac)? When do you need a house most? When you have
children. When a child is born, that is the time you sense that you
are not at home.

     What really is exile between people? Exile is when I want to give
you something with all my heart, but you only want fifty percent. I
will still give it to you, because I love you. But, why didn't you take
the whole thing? Why didn't you take it the way it is?

     I want you to know a Torah which I have been privileged to hear
in the name of the Holy Mai Hashloach. The gemara says that
when Rabbi Haninah ben Dosa was at the end, when he was hungry
and thirsty, there was no food in the house, he cried. Suddenly
the Ribbeno Shel Olam sent him one golden foot. A foot of a table.
That night he dreamt that he was in Gan Eden (paradise) and he
had a chair, and a table, but the table had only three feet. He realized
that the Ribbono Shel Olam was taking off a little bit from him in
Gan Eden to give it to him in this world. He said, "Ribbono Shel
Olam, please don't do this to me. Take it back." And the gemara
says that a hand came from heaven and took it back. The holy Mai
HasMloach, the holy Ishbitzer, asked this question. The gemara
says that G-d only gives; He doesn't take back. So how could He
take it back? So he says that the moment something comes into this
world, it is already so defiled that G-d can't take it back. It's like
when you buy a suit, after you wear it, you cannot give it back. But,
Haninah ben Dosa was so holy that, even after he received it, it was
still holy.

     When somebody gives me something and I say I want to make it
more beautiful, do you know what that mens? It means I don't
really want it the way he gave it to me. I want to do my own thing
with it. Take bread. G-d gives me wheat, and I say, its good, but I
want to do my own thing with it, I want to improve it. I make it
Chumetz (leaven). But, I am not receiving it the way it came down
from heaven. Matza is actually the way it is mniing down from
heaven, Matzo means, the wheat is growing in the field, we put in a
little water, and this is food the way it is coming down from heaven.

     I want to say a gevalt Torah. Imagine, you give me food; I
set a few spoonfuls of it, and put it away, I am not eating it the way
you gave it to me. The downfall of the world began when G-d said to
Adam, eat these fruits, and Adam samid, no, I want to eat the apple.
The apple was also from G-d, but that is not the way G-d wanted to
give it to him. If you remember, Adam, the first man, said I receive
food, life, in this world, like Haninah ben Dosa, full of life like it is
straight from heaven I take bread from heaven and I bring it down
to this world. It's not so holy any more. You knew what death is?
Something is missing, Everything is there, the body is there, but
something is missing. The soul is missing. Seder night is the night
that we eat matza, we receive everything from heaven the way it is.

     Abraham was the first person who was told that Jews will
eventually be redeemed. Exile is I receive everything, but not 100%.
Seder night is when I do receive everything 100%. Why is it when I
am a poor Jew, I will give him five dollars, yet when I see Rothschild
I will make a great feast, and spend hundreds of dollars? Because,
the poor Jew I see on the level of five dollars. but I have much
respect for Rothschild. What was the first test, after G-d made a
covenant with Abraham? How would he receive three pagans?

     Sometimes children are crying because we don't receive them
right. Children are a gift to us from heaven. Are we receiving them
like Haninah ben Dosa received that table leg from heaven? I wish
we would. Abraham received Yitzhak on that level. The
Akedah (sacrifice) is the acid test. How can anyone give back his
son? He is already in this world. It was like Haninah ben Dosa. The
Ribbono Shel Olam wanted to show Abraham. you know how holy
Yitzchak is? I don't want you to kill him - I just want you to know
that to take care of children means that they are still as heavenly
as when they were born.

     Them is a gevalt story about Rabbi Levi of Berditchev. When his
son, Reb Yisrael, was on his way to become one of the biggest
Rebbes, when he was seventeen, he left this world. And Rabbi Levi
Yitzchak of Berditzhev was walling behind him, and he was dancing.
We have no idea of this kind of worship of G-d. The Hasidim
asked him "How can you dance?" He answered: "The Ribbono Shel
Olam sent to my house a holy soul. And I am giving it back as holy
as I received it." Awesome.

     Why are people fighting each other? Fighting comes about when
two people do not receive each other on the level of Haninah ben
Dosa. You and I can have completely different ideas, but why do
we fight each other? So, Reb Nachman says the deepest Torah in
the world. When people have a disagreement in Eretz Yisrael, its
the sweetest thing. It has a heavenly sweetness. If I say something,
and someone has a different thought, what difference does it make?
The Torah is so big. But, in exile, chutz laretz, when people disagree,
they are really fighting. The Gemarah tells us that the Temple was
destroyed because of sinas chinom (unprovoked hatred). You know
what that means? Reb Nachman says that the moment that you fight,
you are already in chutz laaretz, " you are not in Eretz Yisroel. The
Temple can't exist outside Eretz Yisrael.

     Lets go one step deeper. Reb Simcha Bunim of Pshische said that
Avraham aveinu had clear prophecy. He could have sat in Haran
and looked at Eretz Yisrael -why did he have to actually go there?
So, the Pshische tells us, Eretz Yisrael if there is no Jew there, has
no face; it doesn't look like anything, G-d said to Avraham: "I want
to show you Eretz Yisrael but you have to be there first, one Jew has
to be there. Otherwise, Eretz Yisrael has no face." Gevalt. So, I add
this: What was wrong with the spies? They saw how Eretz Yisrael
looked without Jews. And they were right. It was a bad scene.

     In '59 I came to Eretz Yisrael for the first time. I was walking
around in Tel Aviv, and I saw a Parisian bar. and went in to see 
what it was about. Now, what am barmaids for?
They are supposed to get you drunk. So, a barmaid is sitting there
and she is giving out whiskey. Suddenly she says, "Yankele, I will
not give you another drink! Chm veshalom (G-d forbid), you will get
drunk!" Reb Levi Yitzchak should have been there.

     So, the spies saw Eretz Yisroel without Jews. But Caleb and
Joshua saw how Eretz Yisroel looks with Jews. A different kind of
seeing. What is Israel without Jews? It is only half the size.
Sometimes you see a person in the company of somebody else, and
they us half their size. Sometimes, in the right company, you are
really your size. Eretz Yisrael needs Jews. And Jews need Eretz Yisrael.

     The beginning of Yiddishkeit, Judaism, everybody knows, is
Seder, night, That is the night when Avraham Aveinu sits in
the doorway of his tent, when the angels come to tell him he will
have a son. Do you knew what a covenant is? It is that I am
receiving G-d the way G-d is. We Jews did not write books on
theology, books proving that there is one G-d. Because then we
would be lowering G-d to the level of mathematical proof. That is
Tree of Knowlege talk. For us G-d is something else.

     In exile, we shrink, everything shrinks. What is Exile
all about? What is a slave? A slave is somebody who appears to be
half his real size. He does everything, but really nothing. Where
did it all begin? The lshbitzer says ", . . and he sent Judah before
him" Yosef the tzaddik, the doer of mitzvot, sent Judah, who
represents the blessing on the mitzvot, before him. You make the
blessing before you do the mitzva. So, Judah is the blessing before
the mitzva, and Yosef is the mitzva itself Yosef is the person who
just wants to do the mitzva. Yehuda (Judah) wants more. He is like
Haninah ben Dosa. When he is performing a mitzva, he wants to be
connected to G-d. "Make me holy with Your mitzvot." Every mitzva
is holy. What does this mean? You can do a mitzva, but where is the
heavenly mitzva? Where is the great light sening fmom heaven
when you do a mitzva? Yosef the tzadik wants to do everything
right. He does everything right. But Judah wants more. He wants
something deeper, more heavenly.

     Yaacov thought that Yosef was Mashiach. He bought him the
colorful garment. You know what Judah did? He dipped the garment
in blood. He said: "My dear brother, just by doing everything
right, you don't redeem the world. You have to go through so much
pain, until it's clear to you that you need much more. When do we
realize that we need more? When we realize that whatever we have
is not enough. You know, sometimes you are such good friends with
somebody, and it doesn't work. You know what the problem is? You
have to be so much better, so much deeper, so much more.

     Sedm night, one night a year, one night a year. We live in a
world where we have to work our way up slowly, until we can come
up to kedusha (holiness). Seder night I am ready for everything. I
want the whole thing.

     You know why we lose touch with our kids? We think, they are
little, so we will give than a little. But, they want the whole thing.
Seder night we give them the whole thing.

     I saw in a midrash that when "Judah approached him" "wayigash
eilav Yehuda" this was on seder night. "Eilav" means "to him", to
the very depths of him.

     The Bible also says by Avraham "vayera eilav". This was also on
seder night. Here is a Torah from Shevet MiYehuda, that Avraham
prayed that "Vayigwh eilav Yehuda" should be on seder
night. The Ribbono Shel Olam was telling him that someday his
granson will be "yigash eilav", to him, to the deepest depths of
his being. So, G-d revealed to Avraham that them is a way to reach
another human being in the deepest way. G-d said to him:
"Whatever I reached you so far is nothing yet. Tonight I will reach
you much deeper." And that is why Avraham was sitting in the
doorway of his tent, to see if there where any people passing by.
Avraham revealed that all the sinning in the world, all the mistakes,
come from one thing. I didn't reach you in the deepest depths.

     This is the essence of what I mean. If someone wants you on the
outside, they only want a little piece. They don't want au amund
you. When something touchw me deeply, I want the whole thing.

     I want you to know that seder night is one of the nights that my
father made a Jew out of me, and my brother and my sister. I
remember from the age of three we would sit by the seder and my
father would say to us, "Children, tonight you am siting at G-d's
table. This is not my table. It is G-d's table."

     Avraham aveinu, the grant welcomer of guests to the whole world,
is looking to see if there were people passing by. He prayed that
there should be one night that the Ribbmo Shel Olam will be
welcoming us to His place, to the Temple, and to Yerushalayim.
And everybody knows that the midrash asks how could the Jews
have eaten the Passover sacrifice outside Jerusalem? The midrash
answers that clouds came by, picked up every Jew, and brought them
to Jerusalem. Eretz Yisrael is the land where G-d is machnis orahim,
welcoming as guests, us Jews. And, I want to add, seder night we
learn from G-d that the way He is machnis orahim to us, we should
be machnis orchim to each other.

     The truth is, Eretz Yisrael belongs to me. But, if something
belongs to me, that does not mean that I am imitating somebody else.
But if I received it only because someone was machnis orachim to
me, than I can have no problem being machnis orchim to somebody
else. The Bible says that when Mashiach comes then "My house
shall be house of prayer for all nations." Someday we shall be
machnis orachim to the whole world. You know why we are not doing
it yet, properly? Because we think that Eretz Yisroel belongs to us.
The truth is that we are G-d's guests in the land.

           Every Jew, the moment he arrives in Eretz Yisrael, can actually
feel the the Schechina (G-d's presence) sitting there, by the airport.
And there is no question in my mind that every Jew, when the airplane
lands in Eretz Yisrael, is a holy Jew, Something happens to his
neshama. People who travel 20 times to Israel feel something each
time, something different than they feel when they arrive in say,
Paris, in Rome. You know what is so special? The way the Ribbono
shel Olam sees us in Eretz Yisrael, He is part of us. Pharaoh said to
Moses, take the men, and leave the children here. Moses answered,
"We will go with our young and old, with our wives and children,
because the way we are going to Israel, we need all of us. We can't
leave anything behind."

     Why is going to the Mikva so purifying? Because in the mikva
you have to be completely there. If even one hair is sticking out its not
good.

     Why is the red heifer purifying? Because even one hair cannot be
white. It has to be completely red.

     Now, let's go back. Matza has two qualities. It is made very fast,
and it is the way it is. I don't add anything. I don't have to add
anything. I have the whole thing. I want you to know that anything
I am involved in completely, I do so fast. It doesn't take any time.
By Pesach, we left so fast. We were completely involved in leaving.

     Why is the seder called seder, order? There are two types of
orders in the world. There is a tailor type of order. Slowly, slowly,
the world cuts you into pieces. First they cut off your head, then
your heart, then your soul. Until there is nothing left. Look what the
world did to us Jews. Thus was a time when we stood at Mount
Sinai. And then we became less and less.

     When are you most completely present? When there is no hatred
in your heart. When there is no anger in your heart. The moment
your heart is full of anger, you are not one hundred percent yourself
anymore. The exile began with Yosef and his brothers. G-d does not
punish. G-d just shows us where we we at. So, when Yosef said bad
things about his  brothers, he was thrown in prison. In prison, a
person is half his size. G-d showed Yosef that when you think badly
of another person, you become half of yourself.

     Sometimes, when you do something terrible, you have no place in
the world anymore, "Vayigash elav Yehuda", Yehudah approached him.
Yehuda said, "Yosef, I have no more place in this world. I don't have
this world. I lost the coming world. I can't see my father
anymore. I have nothing anymore." And this all took place seder
night. That is the night that Yosef haTzadiq made up with his
brothers. That is the night we will build the Third Temple.
Because when Yaakov whole again? When he saw that all his
children were alive. He was complete again.

     Nothing makes us  complete than when our children ask us
questions about Judaism, when they say to us, tell us what it
means to be a Jew. Teach us all the depths of Judaism.

     There is a Torah like Yosef's - to do what G-d wants us to do. And
them is Yehuda's Torah, the blessing on the mitzvos. I want to feel
the holiness of the Mitzva. Like Haninah ben Dosa. I want the foot
from heaven. Matzo is bread from heaven. The Tree of Life. When I
am half my size, how do I know it if I never really met my whole
self? So, we start with Matza. Matza is my whole self. As I eat
more I come to realize how could I stand being half my size? How
could I stand being so small and petty?

     When Yosef asked "Is my father still living?" he really asked,
am I still connected to Yaacov aveinu, am I still really there?
Yosef asked his brothers all these questions And Yehudah approached
him. Children ask their parents, and their parents ask G-d. The
Hagadah says, "And here the son asks." Here is the time that every
Jew asks: "G-d, what will be with me? What will be with my
children? What will be with the world?"

                A human being welcoming guests means, you sitting in
my house, and while you are eating, it is in my house. The way G -d
welcomes us, He takes us in and gives it to us. Every time a Jew
comes to Erutz Yisrael, G-d welcomes him. That is why we have
mezuzos on our houses. We are saying to G-d, I want this house to
be Your house, not just my house.

There are two kinds of parents, Exile Parents and Eretz Yisrael
parents, seder night parents. Exile parents say to children you are
living in my house. Eretz Yisrael parents give the house to their
G-d gives the house, and I give it to my children give it back to me

Why is the bad son so angry, so bitter? Because nobody ever gave
him anything, nobody ever gave him Eretz Yisrael. Seder night we
are truly welcoming guests, we are really machnis orchim. Seder
night there is so much love, so much sweetness. And after we eat
together we open the door and say, "Pour out Your wrath". Please,
don't ever let me go back to that world, to world that steals, which
kills. I can't bear it anymore. Before the seder I could bear it. But,
after You healed me, You brought me out of Exile, please don't ever
put me back again.

I bless you and me, all of us, that whenever we we
together with children it should be like after mashiach has come.

Before he left this world, Yaakov Aveinu talked to his children.
Can you imagine how he was praying? "Ribbon Shel Olam,
take care of my children until meshiach comes." He called his
children and said, "Chidren, come together I want talk to you
and tell you what will happen until moshiach comes." And, the
midrash says that he wanted to tell them what was coming and the
Shechina left him. Everybody knows that the Shechina did not
pleave him as a punishment because he wanted to tell his children
when Moshiach was coming. He wanted to tell them, "I want you
hold out. Even when there is no Shechina. Even when there is
nothing, even worse." You know what he told them? Whenever
father, mother and children get together, that will be on the level
of when moshiach is coming. That will keep you going until Moshiach
comes. And even the Shehina leaves, wherever father. mother and
children sit together on Seder night, that will keep you going.

I don't if there is a safer (book) in the world as precious as
the haggadah. Even the musaf shomeh esreh of Rosh HaShana,
when we pray for G-d's Oneness to be revealed, is very holy,
but the words of the hagaddah are even more precious. Eliyahu
haNavi composed the haggadah.At every seder, Eliyahu haNavi
comes in and thanks everybody for reading the words from
his Haggadah.

     The "rasha", the evil son, doesn't know how precious he is.
He doesn't know how much we need him. The wise son is also
very clever, but obviously he also doesn't know how precious
he is. So, we tell him, we don't eat after the afikoman. I remember
one time, when I left for Eretz Yisroel, my sweetest Dari gave
me some chocolate to eat. I didn't want to eat anything after
that, until I got off the plane, becuase it was so precious.
Precious is so beautiful, it's deeper than beautiful. Precious
is so good, it's deeper than good. Adam and Eve thought that the
highest level is good. Tree of Life is preciousness. "Ushmartem
es haMatzos,Watch over the Matza." We don't eat everything else
after the afikoman, because it is so precious.

Do you know how precious every Jew is? Every Jew is so
precious. Gevalt, is every Jew precious.

     I wish you and me and all of us a good seder night, a precious
seder night. I bless us to all to be completely there, like in the
Mikva, completely there. I bless us all that we not cut each other
up into a smaller size than we we. I bless us that Purimdike
preciousness (The Jews had joy and happiness and "Yikar" --
preciousness) be carried over into Pesach. And into Shavous. I
bless us all that this year we be privileged to receive the Torah
which is so precious, which is called preciousness... And I bless
us even after we receive the Torah, that there be no Golden Calf
in the world that can take us away from our Torah, from our children.

Nowhere else in the world do people clean their house like we do
before Pesach. A house in this world does not need that much
cleaning. But on Pesach, my house becomes the Third Temple.
That is why I must clean this house, not only on this level, but
on a higher level, so that it will be a true Temple, holy and
beautiful, a gateway to G-d. Pesach I am in heaven, I am in
Yerushalayim. I am sitting with my wife and children. I wish
you such a Pesach. Good Yom Tov.

Shlomo

