| Title: You Slimy Son of a Bitch Author: Laik Pairing: SS/HP Category: Drama/Angst, Romance, Humour. Rating: PG-13 for Sirius� filthy language. Spoilers: Why waste time on fanfic, if you haven�t read the books? Summary: Sirius confronts Snape about his relationship with Harry. Disclaimer: Not mine. Lather, rinse, repeat. * You slimy son of a bitch. Oh, come now. I know you weren�t expecting anything less than pure, hot loathing from me. Especially now that�now that�no, fuck it, I�m not going to say it. I mean fucking hell, you oily bastard, fucking hell. I didn�t think it was possible to detest you anymore than I already did, but congratulations, you�ve pushed me to whole new dimensions of hatred. It took everything I had to stop myself from wrapping my hands around your pale throat and squeezing tight when I found out. Avada Kedavra would�ve been too good for you, you horrible, greasy git. I�ve never wanted to kill anyone so bad in my entire life, not even that two-faced sniveling worm, Petigrew and that�s saying something. What�s that, asshole? Oh. Why didn�t I? Fair question, I suppose. It wasn�t the threat of Azkaban, if that�s what you�re thinking. It would have been worth a dozen lifetimes in that hellhole just to put your sorry arse in the ground, you sick fuck. I mean, for fucksake Snape, what the hell were you thinking? No. Wait. I don�t want to know. Where was I? Oh, yeah, not killing you. Well, like I said, it wasn�t Azkaban. It wasn�t even Dumbledore, though he made a fair play for it. Took the time to �remind� me that you�d risked your life time and again for the cause. So what? I told him. Who hasn�t these days? Doesn�t stop you from being a stuck-up, sadistic, twisted little� Yeah, that was pretty much the look Albus gave me. It must�ve been a first there. Dumbledore not being able to calm me down, that is. I mean, the man does have a way about him. But by that stage I was so furious that there was almost nothing that would�ve stopped me from tearing you limb from limb. You know you�re looking a little pale there. Oh, come on, I said almost nothing. You�re not dead yet, are you? Well, then. Remus probably got the closest to calming me down, but even he didn�t quite make it. My sweet, kind, loving Remus. He soothed me as best as he could. He didn�t do too well, but he managed to keep me still long enough to listen to him, anyhow. He told me I�d regret it, that I just had to give it time, give myself time to get used to the idea. Get used to the idea, he said. Can you fucking believe it? I had enough bloody trouble contemplating the idea, let alone thinking about it enough to fucking get used to it. I didn�t want to get used to it; I just wanted you dead. He�s my godson. Of course I�m bloody protective of him. What the hell did you expect? Anyway, when Remus failed to convince me, it was a pretty sure bet that nothing would. Oh, sit down. Look I said I wasn�t going to touch you, now will you let me finish my bloody story? Thank you. A few others had a go at me before I could get anywhere near you. Minerva had hysterics at me while I was storming through the castle, but I lost her somewhere on the third floor. Flitwick was too flustered to make sense, but bless him he did try. Even Hagrid tried to reason with me, but he was very peaceable about it. I mean, really. If Hagrid wanted to stop me, he could�ve held me down with his little finger. Lucky for me he didn�t. Oh, don�t look at me like that. It�s lucky for you too, you annoying sod and you�ll see why if you�ll just shut your gob and let me finish my damn story. You see Hagrid would�ve had to let me go eventually, but if he�d held me up, I might have missed the one thing that could change my mind. The only thing, mind you, that is keeping me from kicking your bony arse six ways from Saturday right now. Yes, yes, shut up, I�m getting there. So anyway, I left Hagrid in the Great Hall with his large brow furrowed with worry and headed straight down to the dungeons. I think I managed to scare a group of first years out of their wits, storming past them like a thundercloud. I was shaking, I was that angry and I imagine the expression on my face was somewhat foreboding. I know, I know. I know you think I overreacted, but put yourself in my shoes for a minute, will you? Your godson: All you have left of your best friend and better times and the closest thing you�ll ever get to a son of your own. Someone you love unconditionally, someone you�d die to protect, someone you would do anything for to make happy� Hmm. Perhaps you do understand that, I mean�oh, nevermind, I�m getting there. Anyway, imagine you find out someone is taking advantage of him, someone is hurting him, someone is making him suffer. Deliberately. For their own pleasure. Don�t interrupt me. It�s what I thought, all right? For god�s sake, just let me finish. In that situation, wouldn�t you do anything, absolutely anything, to make sure that bastard got theirs? Wouldn�t you dish out the worst punishment you could think of, threefold? Would anything less than their blood satisfy your anger? I thought not. Don�t even try and argue with me, I can see it in your eyes. Never thought I�d say this, but we have something common, Snape and you know it. Deep down you know why I reacted the way I did, and deep down you don�t blame me for it one bit. If I had got as far as wringing your neck, I even think a part of you would�ve respected me for that too. So what stopped me? You did. The last class of the day had ended about an hour ago and it was common knowledge that you spent the time before dinner in your classroom, stewing vile potions or plotting the demise of first years or whatever it is that you do. It was the perfect time to confront you. No students to interrupt and no other faculty members to try and talk sense into me. I was even willing to give you the benefit of your own turf. It was a simple plan, one that should�ve gone off without a hitch, but I think we both know I sometimes lack foresight. It never occurred to me that you wouldn�t be alone. The door to your classroom was hanging open. I hadn�t planned on knocking anyway. Barging in unannounced seemed much more appropriate to the situation. But what I saw in the doorway routed me to the spot. Slumped across your desk, obviously completely worn out and fast asleep, was Harry. I�ve never seen him look so terrible. His right cheek was resting on his hands and I could see the dark rings around his eyes from the doorway. His hair was lank and his skin was pale and had a kind of sickly tinge to it. He looked as if he hadn�t slept properly for a week. He looked as though his slim shoulders had been burdened with a very heavy burden indeed. So of course I jumped to the logical conclusion. I swear on Merlin�s beard, Snape, I hated you so much in that moment I think I could�ve cast Avada Kedavra without opening my mouth or lifting my wand. I thought it was proof positive of everything that I had feared. Evidence of your abuse of him, evidence of your mistreatment, and evidence that you deserved everything I was about to do to you and more. For one long moment I was consumed with righteous anger. Then, you proved me wrong. You crouched down by his chair, bare inches away from him. For awhile you just watched him with this look on your face as if�as if�as if seeing Harry in pain caused the same pain inside of you tenfold. I�ve never seen a more painfully honest and open expression on anyone�s face, least of all yours. I didn�t know you felt that way. I didn�t know you felt anything at all. I never knew you had it in you. After a bit, you reached out your hand to him and it was actually shaking. Like you were scared of what you might do to him or what he might do to you. Your touch was hesitant, but it was obvious that Harry found comfort in it. When you brushed back the dark locks from his forehead and ran your hand through his hair, he leant into your touch, murmuring contentedly in his sleep. �Sev�� he sighed in a happy sleepy voice, as if you were his favorite puffskein, if Harry had ever had such a thing. He was reacting to you as if you were the one thing in the world that could make everything okay. When you stroked your fingertips down his cheek almost reverently, he pressed his face against them and blinked his heavy eyelids open, waking up. The instant those brilliant green eyes met yours, one of the most beautiful smiles I�ve ever seen swept across his face. It was like watching the sun rise in an instant. The effect was blinding. �Sorry,� he mumbled, somewhat abashed. �I didn�t mean to�I just put my head down for a minute�� he trailed off. �It makes an interesting change from you sleeping through my classes, Potter,� you drawled in the same dry, sarcastic tone you always used. Yet somehow it was different. There was an undertone full to bursting with unspoken emotions, powerful and tender. Harry seemed to hear that undertone as well. His smile turned rueful. �Well, variety is the spice of life,� he commented off-handedly. �I wouldn�t want to let your routine get dull.� �With you in my life, Potter,� you replied, voice bored and stern on the outside and affectionate and warm on the inside. �There is very little chance of that.� �Just as well I�m here, then,� he shot back, unfazed. �Yes,� you answered simply, somehow injecting that one syllable with a myriad of emotions. After a moment you asked, with concern in your voice, �Would you like to talk about it?� �About what?� Harry tried to hedge, but you weren�t fooled and neither was I. You kept your gaze steady on him. Harry relented finally, rubbing his face with his hands. �It�s just so hard,� he said. �Why can�t I have anything without having to pay for it? Everything I�ve ever had has come with a price. I can be a wizard, but I have to save the world. I can have loving parents, but only for a bunch of months I don�t even remember. I can have you, but I�� he trailed off sadly. �I just don�t want to make compensations anymore,� his voice faltered. �Compensations?� you queried lightly, almost as if you feared the answer. �Choices,� Harry explained. �I don�t want to have to choose between you and Sirius�� And all of a sudden I felt like my heart had plunged into my boots. ��I don�t want to lose Sirius.� In retrospect, I don�t think it was his immediate, unwavering choice of you over me that hurt the most. It was the fact that in that choice he demonstrated just how wrong I had been. About everything. Yes, yes, you can stop smirking anytime now, you greasy bastard. In one small sentence, Harry pushed the pieces into place and I got it. I finally understood. It wasn�t a case of the slimy old Potions Master taking advantage of an impressionable youth. I should have known better than that. Harry had never been impressionable, and he had never really been young, either. I had let my prejudices and old grudges skew my perceptions on the matter. It wasn�t as base or as filthy or as wrong as I had made it in my mind. It was much simpler, really: It was simply love. And I couldn�t punish you for that. And I certainly couldn�t punish Harry, which is exactly what I�d be doing if I laid a hand on you, or if I made him choose between the man he loved and what was left of his family. So while you pulled Harry into your arms and told him that, �Everything was going to be okay,� I made sure that it would be. I backed my way out of your classroom quietly and left you in peace. So. So that�s why you�re still breathing, you slimy son of a bitch. You�re�um�you�re not going to make me say it, are you? Alright, fine, asshole, here goes: You have my blessing. Just don�t expect me to like you. I hope you realize you�re the luckiest bastard on the face of the planet. And just so we�re clear, if you ever hurt him� Yeah, that was what I was going to say. Good. I�m glad we understand each other. * |