Here is a collection of NETRUNNER puns which Pierre Savoie made up over the months, together with the efforts of a few other punsters in the NETRUNNER-L mailgroup. Maybe you'll want to post them on your NETRUNNER page. A COLLECTION OF NETRUNNER PUNS Version 1.1 ---------- Contents: By Pierre Savoie: --Tibetan NETRUNNER --Australian NETRUNNER --Quebec NETRUNNER --Cthulhu-style NETRUNNER --The NETRUNNER rap --Druggie NETRUNNER --SEINFELD NETRUNNER By David Morgan-Mar: --James Bond NETRUNNER By Lee Myers: --Collected NETRUNNER puns ---------- *** from Pierre Savoie: >Date: Mon, 16 Jun 1997 07:43:41 -0500 >From: Robb Perez >Subject: A Lesson... >Lessons learned >------------------- ... >6. Plan that weekend in Tibet ahead of schedule >7. Reread strategy tips in "Mastering Netrunner" (by Ben Matthews and >Charles Schwope, available at fine bookstores and game shops everywhere. >Okay, maybe not EVERYWHERE, but at least in Tibet...) Oh, yeah, man! Those Tibetans are really on the ball as NETRUNNER players. But they are too cool to show up at any conventions, man, so no one knows how they are ranked on the Western scale. They spend decades studying one of their holy books, the Bartmoss Thodol (or the Tibetan Book of the Flatlined), which only tangentially teaches them to play the game... ...and talk about your Floating Runners... Even the Maharishi's boys don't get THAT trick right. :-) hmm, I think I just found out the new theme for the next NETRUNNER expansion. If Shadowrun RPG can riff on Aztechnology and Aztec designs, why not Tibetan Netrunners? Let's see what this expansion might look like, where the valiant Tibetan Netrunners and their primitive equipment tangle with the evil Chinese empire and their primitive equipment: Runner: Abominable Snowman Road Home Access to CNN AI Bonze Aujourd'Ouija Bartmoss Memorial Ice-Sitter Big Frackin' Non-Violence Black Dalai Buddha's Net Map Dharmatech Bodyplating Diplomatic Irrelevancy Drone for Much More Than a Day Do-pray! Emergency Self-Knowledge Forgivvuss (oops! Sorry, that's a CATHOLIC card...) Forgotten Past-life Chip Get Ready to Mumble Incense Job Lama Goon Lucid Dream Booster Drug Nine Billion Bytes of God, The Nirvana Cycle On the Fast Yak Praying Mantra Rama Piston Rapt-Aura Record Reincarnator Startling Self-Immolator Self-Meditating Code Spiritual Field Trip Swiss Prayer-Wheel Thirdeye Wilsang, Weefleprayer Acolyte Vewy Vewy Fwozen Vewy Vewy Stateless Corporate: Antiquated Diplomatic Routines Bei-jingmo Antibody Brainwash Campaign Cold Hard Cache Department of Misinformation (of course!) Employee Imprisonment Encroachment Breakthrough Execution Boot Camp Falsified News Expert Genocidal AI Hostile Takeover I Got a Truncheon Kowloon Sysop Lhasa City Grid Lichees Off-Site Beatings Pekinese Pekinese 2.0 People's Republic of Hong Kong City Grid Power-Mad Overload Red Guard(R) Temps Roadblocks Twenty-Four Hour Surveillance Typhoonium Wall Urban Five-Year Plan VERY Remote Facility ---------- Date: Fri, 25 Jul 1997 02:00:53 -0400 From: Pierre Savoie Subject: Weird Australian Demographic >From: Damian O'Dea >Subject: Weird "Demographic" >something that may be of interest. It seems that, in Australia at >least, distributors are finding that Netrunner, as a game, has not >really broken in many city areas - Australian Game Wizards is a >notable exception. However, it appears that the game does quite >well in some outlying communities and country towns. >You would have thought that the citified / networked / high-tech >people are the ones that would be most keen on a cyber-tech Net- >oriented CCG like Netrunner. Instead, it seems that the country >people are more accepting of the quality game product. >As one distributor put it: "Weird". :-) Maybe the rural Australians are misreading the cards, and think it makes references to them: RUNNER: Access to Kiwi Buddies Armored Beer Fridge Dingocatcher Foster's Legacy Gay Knight Surf Buggers Hobartmoss Memorial Icebreaker If You Want To Drive on the Right... Invisibilabong Jack'n'Joey Japanese are Just Across the Water Torture Koala Speed Chip Lucid Dreamtime (TM) Drip Feed Nomadmax Allies Outbakdoor CORP: Bizarre Elocution Scheme Funky Squad Hogan Revista I Got Ayers Rock Ice Pick Wallaby Please Don't Serve Chook to Anyone Project Vegemite Shear.r Slaghunt Until the End of the World Domination :-) (Hey, it's hard to make a pun with Nevinyrral...) ---Pierre Savoie (ab966@torfree.net) ---------- Date: Sun, 3 Aug 1997 03:18:00 -0400 From: Pierre Savoie Subject: French Pi Poem / Fabulous Quebec Decks >Date: Tue, 29 Jul 1997 10:09:02 +0200 >From: Bernard-Pierre Panet >Subject: Re: PI gnon >Que j'aime à faire apprendre ce nombre utile aux sages, >3 . 1 4 1 5 9 2 6 5 3 5 Yeah, yeah, you demonstrate the poem by which French-speaking people can memorize 30 decimal places of pi. Given the exact diameter of the Milky Way galaxy, that's enough precision to calculate the circumference to within 8 angstroms (8 * 10E-10 meters) of the perfect value! Can you say, "close enough"? "Mathis, Crooner-at-Large" >From: Aristophanes >Subject: Puns >Pierre wrote: >>>What's next? A Quebecois version? >> >> (Ting!) No, I am unable to do that. We are an extremely self- >>conscious, inhibited and humourless people. :-) >Sounds like you've been infected by Poutine's Virus. Hey, it's a great reason to put cooked french fries in the microwave...no other culture in the world does that to food. Okay, okay, I will do it. Here, then, are the fabulous Quebec Decks. Any references you can't get are your own problem: LE RUNNEUR: A Few Acres of Snowballs Ah, frites! AI Bonhomme Bartmoss Memorial Ice-fishing "Joan du Pays..." Poutine's Virus [Aristophanes' idea] Vewy Vewy Quiet Revolution Edited Separatist Manifestos MITsou's Front Tier [ooh la la!] Synchronized Media Attacks on the PQ Au Jour Du "Oui" Diplomatic Imbroglios FLQ Interface Field Reporter for Ice Hockey Record Referendum Restrictive Language Zoning Poisoned Pepsi Supply Oui-full Intimidation Get Ready to Bingo LE CORPORE': Corporate Coupe Stanley Head-Office Relocation [of course!] Strike Force Ca^lisse! Too Many Referenda Chicoutimi Branch Roch Voisine Promotion Tabarnac Fort Construction Belle-Province Antibody Cirque DuSoleil ---Pierre Savoie (ab966@torfree.net) [I forgot to do something with Celine Dion.] ---------- Cthulhu-style NETRUNNER: Cards for The Investigator: --Programs: A-fright Byakhee's Net Map Black Daoloth Dupraved Elder Signpost Emergency Self-Immolate Fate Accompli Ia! Boon Joan of Arkham Loony Ghoul Mystic Box Pallid, Palpitating, Pustular, Putrid Pox Shaka-Niggurath Tindalosweasel Vewy Vewy Kwazy --Preps: All-Frighter Amorphous Tip Azathoth Owns Your Ass Hunted Club BBS Involuntary Organ Donor Jack'n'Tcho-Tcho Lovecraft's Contacts Miskatonic West Tier Scowl! Stumble through the Dreamlands --Hardware/Resources: Access to Deep Ones Aujourd'Weird Full Body Consumption Magician Loather Nodens Ally Phobic Runner BBS Preying Everything Ravin' Microcephalic Howl Silicon Sanity Franchise Very Fast Runners' Conference --Proteus: Big Ineffective Gun Formless Legacy Identity Drainer Get Ready to Shamble Precision Begging Losing Your Senseis Time to Collapse Cards for He Who Is Not To Be Run Against: --Agenda: Black Goat Quality Assurance Corpse Downsizing Cultic Retreat Detroit Polyp Contact Main Orifice Relocation --ICE: Arcanus Major Arcanus Minor D'arc Young Fatal Attacker Fragmentated Texts Keeper (of course!) Pocket Viscous Reality Shambl.r Sleeper Beneath the Waves Too Many Dholes Vial 15 --Operations: Are These Accounts Believable? Chancy Observation Nut-hatch Credibility Voider Prozac Consultants Power-Mad Overlord --Nodes/Upgrades: Antiquated Interplanar Routings Euromarket Sanatorium Olivia Salhazrad Schlaghunds of Tindalos Skalderviken SAN Being Put to the Test Site South American Undermining Cult Spawn(R) Public Relations --Proteus: Cultic Headhunters Please Don't Engulf Anyone World Destruction Cthonian Wall Death Tcho-Tcho Futile Barricade Gug Zapper MarryaDeepOne Mind-Twisting Passages Credibility Conflagration Underworld Dhole Bel-Dagon Antibody Lloigor Blight Marcel Desolate ---------- [from a meandering message:] I could make a rap song, just talking in the arcane language of Netrunner-L acronyms, and it would be a hit, with everybody too afraid to admit they don't understand the lyrics, for fear of not being identified with the "in" street culture...how would it go?...[wavy lines on screen...diddle- diddle-it! diddle-diddle-it!]... CORP-KILLER by Ice-P and the X-Plicit Boyz: [Pierre's accompanist makes big bass puffing sounds with his lips; another scratches a vinyl record in the rap-music style. Pierre starts screaming:] "Well Ah got tired of TOG, 'Cuz it *just* ain't the CCG fo' me, Ah got into NR, the game of ICE, With its ANU's and it's big AI's. [Drum-machine, downward progression of eighth notes: ''''----,,,,____] Ah ran his HQ and R&D, But there ain't no agenda-cah'ds for me! So Ah made a run on his SDF, But he's eight levels deep, Ah got no Bits left! [Drum-machine and trumpet blast] So Ah used my S.C. to score a Goon, Cashed some Score!'s and a Livewire; pretty soon Ah lucked out and drew me a BMI, Ah thought about runnin', Ah gave it a try, But the Corp had WW, HTC, AICFO's and ASD's, When Ah got close, he put down some tags, Ah was overloaded, he got me bagged. Ah had read, all the FAQ's, and COTD's, Ah had read, even stuff, made no sense to me, Ah thought, Ah could win, by a big amount, But Ah'm just annuddah suckah down for the count! Word! [folds arms and leans to right] :-) Ice-P ("Dontcha go 'bout eatin' none o' dat yellow snow!" P.S.: Ebonics RULE!) ---------- **from David Morgan-Mar: Date: Mon, 22 Sep 1997 10:43:24 +1000 From: David Morgan-Mar Subject: Re: Need some cards! [Scott Dickie:] >>[something...] Flack, Robert G quoted Dr. Dave: >> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ > >This makes Argi sound like James Bond or something! >Flack ... Argi Flack. What does that make me?! An evil genius with a steel hand and a white cat bent on World Domination(tm)? "I suppose you expect me to talk?" "No, Mr Flack, I expect you to flatline." (Hmmm... shameless mixing of 3 Bond villains there. Next thing I'll find myself ordering red wine with the fish and wearing an eyepatch...) Argi's Bond ID Dr. Opp Technician From Russia with Lover Codesfinger Schlaghunderball You Only Livewire's Twice On Lesley Major's Secret Cerberus Daemons are Forever Olivia and Let Dieter The Man With the Big Frackin' Gun I Spy Who Loved Me Looney Goonraker For Your ICE Only Bartomossy A View to a Rock The Living D'Arc Knights Licence to Kilroy Gideon's Eye - Dr David Morgan-Mar. mar@physics.usyd.edu.au NR trades/trivia! http://www.physics.usyd.edu.au/~mar/netrunner/ Agentis International, Sydney, Australia. ---------- *** from Lee Myers (Superstores?): Date: Fri, 23 May 1997 08:40:08 -0700 From: Lee Myers Subject: Re: Looking for really atrocious puns :) I have collected a large collection of the puns. Here they are: ----- Dedicated Response Teal %% Fetal AI = Red Earrings %% Pooper Scooper Central %% Example Boot Camp %% Decoy Signature %% Teal Horsey Splurge Mufflers %% Olivia Salad-Czar %% "Bargain with ParaComm" %% Soul-Modifying Code = Genetics-Missionary Inquisition %% Privacy Wreck %% Armored Fridge = Bartmoss Memorial Icemaker %% Wesson, Weeflegunner Apprentice %% Netspace Outverter %% Bartmoss Memorial Peacemaker %% Blank %% Disinfectant Clink = Cold Viral Cash %% Starter Idolator %% Terrorist Rebuttal %% Prattles Antibody %% Virus Text Cite %% Blankmail %% Faked Writ %% Floating Runner Busybody %% Shogun Wire %% False False %% Sneak Preview %% Japanese Watershed %% Efficiency Excuse %% Memetics-Visionary Attrition %% Dark Cloud Recovery Protocol %% Tweetware Distributor %% Annual Review Highlighter %% Time to Recollect %% Paris City Grin %% Corporate ReCheat %% Schmalz's Legacy %% Pandora's Box %% Corporate Booboo %% Market Accounts %% Decoy Run %% LDL Traffic Paralyzers %% Vital Pipeline %% Corsair's Shattered Remains %% Krumz Fu %% Information Mongering %% BBS Wistfully Campaign %% Vewy Vewy Long-Winded %% Morphing Fool %% Bolt-AOLe %% On-Site Backups %% Identity Donor %% Annual Review %% Starter Immolator %% Edge Wizards %% Toupee Delecroix %% Remote Indicator %% Executive Shoot Camp %% Weird Switch(edKey)board %% Colonel Failure %% LDL Traffic Analyzer %% Dater Esslin %% Silver Lining Prodigal Recovery %% Open-Ended (R) Deckage Program %% Liberated Savings Recount %% Marine Apology %% Disgruntled Ice Technician %% Too Many Decks %% Desperate Comparative %% Dr. Doom %% Disgruntled Senior Full-Text Analyst %% Joan of Bark %% Decoy Run %% nonHostile Makeover %% Bored'n'Bit %% Boring But %% Department of Tooth Enhancement %% Pushed clear Over the Edge %% Black Sheep Quality Assurance %% TrigGerman %% Corprunner's Shattered Recruits %% The Shell Treaders %% Wised-Up Solo Construct(ion) %% Runner NonSensei %% Decoy Run %% Vital Pipeline %% Rabid %% Trendless Corridor %% Please Don't Choc Anyone %% Flatterylined. %% Alaska Peanuts %% Time to Coleman - er - Collect %% Tombwrecker (TM) %%Time to Deflect %% Garbage Out %% Cuz it's done. %% Morphing's Cool %% Invincibility %% Lapine Breeding Ground %% get READy to rumble borING Bit cruising for nETWatch "grEEN knight" surge buffers bodyweight synTHEtic blood bLINk dieter ESslin %% Zetatech Meme Chip %% Fall Guy (Kneel) %% Techtronica Utility Suitcase %% Corporate Downsnoozing %% Field Rereporter for Ice and Data %% Coward Sysop %% French Waiter Torture %% Access to Cards %% Cybertech Spit Tank %% Bargain with Viacom %% Hostile Makeover %% Lifesaver [TM] Nanny-nanny-boo-boo %% Morphing Rule %% Streetwear Distributor: Stay trendy on the run. %% Armored Friend %% Political Overbow %% Ice Manipulator %% Hsarc Everett, Inverting Rexif %% All Hands, No Brains %% Twisty Messages %% Editing Snipped Manifests %% Groan Of Arc %% Arasaka Portable Prototypo %% Rebelt HQ %% Crash Wheneverett, Intensive Fixer %% Crush Everett, Inventive Lover %% Waffle Initiation %% Pun-itive Counterstrike %% Grumlings %% MisDepartment of DeMisinformation %% Private IDL Access %% Evil Twin %% Private LOL Excess %% Viral Peeping Ground %% sANDstORm %% Databool(r) by Zetatech %% Valu-Pak Software Bunnies %% Chocolate Boon %% Bell-Dingmo Antibody %% Trace Rabbit %% Wall of Dice %% -- Lee Myers lmyers@co.intel.com -------------------------------------------------------------------------- When *everything* is outlawed, only outlaws will have everything! -- Bill Stewart -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not an Intel spokes-entity ------------ ** back to Pierre Savoie: It's been a while since I've done a pun list. This time, it's... Drug-Dealer NETRUNNER: RUNNER: --Programs: AI Bong Big Frackin' Ganjah Cheech'n'Chong Place to Krash Loopy Goof Morphine Tool Speedball --Preps: Bodyweight Synthetic Blow Corps Coming: Jettison Stash Forgotten Bag of Chips Gideon's Headshop If You Want a Doobie Right Now... Private LSD Access Stoned for a Day Stumble Through Your Own Living Space Weefle Inhalation --Hardware/Resources: Airport Strip-Search Crawling Speed Freak NORML Allies Parraquat 5750 Stash Everett: Inhaling Fixer Quest for Munchies Time to Inject Wilson, Reeferrunner Apprentice THE MAN: --Agenda: AI Chief Narcotics Officer Corporate War on Drugs Employee Harassment Please Don't Toke, Anyone --ICE: Cannabis Major Cannabis Minor DUI 2.0 Marijuanette Soma 2008 Too Many Doobs --Operations: New Blood Test Overdose-Insensitive --Nodes/Upgrades: Crystal Meth Station Grid Hacker Toker Central Hasta La Vista LSD Trafficking Analyzers I Got Rock, I Got Uppers, I Got Downers... Marcel DeSolarium No One Can Make a Pun With "Nevinyrral" Panama Red Herrings Peyote Button Rasta Bridger Reefer Submarine Setup! [of course] No One Can Make a Pun With "Skalderviken" Either Tijuana Silly Grin TRAP! [of course] ------- "All references to drugs are for entertainment purposes only. Pierre Savoie does not promote Satanism, belief in magic, drug use, Mexicans, violence, sexual deviation, body piercing, Marilyn Manson music, cynical attitudes towards the government, freedom of expression, or any other action or belief not condoned by the authorities. Bummer." --paraphrase of the OVER THE EDGE disclaimer. -------- "The Sleeper shall Awaken." --A great line to store as a .WAV and turn your expensive $2,000-dollar PC into an alarm-clock. SEINFELD-style NETRUNNER: (not that there's anything WRONG with that!) ========================= RUNNER: Programs: (What programs? There's nothing left to watch now...) Bubble Boy Cockfight Mystery Strongbox The Secret Codecracker Self-Deprecating Code Stand-Up Imitator Preps: Chinese-food Order Torture Car Command: Jettison Electronic Notebook Desperate Marble Rye Competitor Jackin' George (See "If you Want to Be...") If You Want to Be the Master of Your Domain... (See "Jackin' George") Poisoned Envelope Supply (See "Fatal Adhesive") Sidra-Torso-al Feel-Trip ("They're real, and they're SPECTACULAR!") Stakeout, The Why Would Elaine Get a Custodial Position? (see Chinese-food...) Hardware/Resources: Access to Calzones Back Door Full of Fusilli C-ruel Speed-Dial Drake, The Get Ready to Ramble Green Room, Shirt Puffy Jackie Chiles, Expressive Lawyer Memoirs Subcontract Newman Ally Quest for Cubans Short-Term Contest "Top Runner" Confrontation CORP: Agenda: "Marine Biologist" Neurotic Blade PEZ Breakthrough Please Don't Chuck Any Junior Mints Strike Force Kramer ICE: Baby Show.r Death Yadda-Yadda Fatal Adhesive (see "Poisoned Envelope Supply") Scofflawing Operations: Ovaltine's Insipid (Sniffing) Accountant's Responsible Scorched Hands (See "Green Room, Shirt Puffy") Trojan Pony Incident Urban Sombrero ("If we can't give the Runner Meat Damage, we'll destroy her with bad fashion!") Nodes/Upgrades: Bizarro Jerry's Encryption Scheme Department of Misconstruction J. Peterman, Corporate Catalog Pavit Babu Bhatt Soup Nazi (see below) Spongeworthy(R) Sexual Relations Steinbrenner Antibody new card: ========= SOUP NAZI (5* to rez/2* to trash) Upgrade - Sysop - Unique When rezzed, this card forces the Runner player to only use the following phrases specific to his run.: "I approach the first/next/last ICE." "I pay __ to boost the Strength of my ____ program." "I pay __ to defeat the following subroutines..." (during a trace) "I reveal this many bits to pay for my Base Link ___ and plusses to link..." "I access the contents of your fort." "At this point, I jack out." Once the fort is accessed, results are applied and can be freely discussed. During a run, gestures are also acceptable. If the Runner says anything else, chit-chats, or is forced to recite a special instruction, the Corp yells out in a Middle Eastern accent, "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" and the run ends. Unique Upgrade: Only one Soup Nazi can be in play at any time. If a new Soup Nazi is rezzed, the old one moves to Argentina, which bears a striking resemblance to putting the card out in the Face-Up Archives (not that there's anything WRONG with a card being "out" like that!) --- Oh, yeah, and in SEINFELD NETRUNNER, you don't have Base Links. You have Bass Riffs... [deent, duh-deent deent deent doyoyoyoy...]