21.06    This isn't my day. 

   It's just one of those days where you just feel you want to pout all day. All sorts of feelings came rushing to me just 10 minutes ago. Get this: I'm usually not the moody one - I try my best to stay "bubbly" and "happy" all the time. I like being happy, I like cheering my friends, and I like being silly in class (sometimes).
   But just once...just for once, I want to feel moody. . Knowing me, I'd probably feel much better in the evening (after a 3-hour heeheehaha class session with Dr.PB and Vicky --- yes, I have a class with only me and my friend. *yawns).
   So just be a little patient with me. Before you know it, I'll be my usual self. 
   Anyhow. I just wanted to stress something here: this is, foremost, is not a blog. I have my own online journal and I don't need another one. This box is basically where I just want to rant about something out of the blue, so no expectations on me to update daily, kay? I thought I should just emphasized that. Anyway, red is rad shall function as my host to my phlog. :) I just wanted a rumah for my phlog, heh!
   Just to jot something down that I witness (okay, more like eavesdropping) a while ago [oooh I'm in the computer lab by the way!]. A certain person used a friend's password, and the assistant of the computer lab caught him. The assistant literally went up to this guy (the verdict) and told him off in, I would say, a good way. A strong, stern but yet polite voice. One thing is for sure is that I admire the assistant for being able to tell the person off in a polite, yet stern way. Because you know how it is, some people are just afraid to tell other people off --- like when you've signed up to use a computer in the library, and somebody there is sitting at your place. Usual reaction? You either a) try to find another computer that is available b) avoid telling the person, by just giving up on the computer.
   Keep in mind that I'm not saying im-great-because-i-tell-ppl-off. No, that's not what I'm saying. Even I, sometimes find myself in situations where I don't feel "good" and end up not telling the person that he/she's using my computer that I've signed up for. It's human nature --- sometimes people don't want to embarass the other person, or just simply scared. I'm a mixed of both -- although I usually tell my friends that they should tell the person off when he/she is using the computer that they signed up. It's not easy, I admit. Sigh, I admit sometimes I try to portray myself as the "strong"/"mature" one .
   So yes, right here, right now - I'm admitting that I have faults too. I do - I guess I just never say it out loud.

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    02.06
   Flashbacks came running at me.

   I was thinking about him again. 
   I don't know how am I supposed to get over this. I don't know whether another person will love me the way he does, or even more. I don't even know whether I want to love another person.
   I just feel so...clueless, useless...a loser. Friends tell me he lost me, but how come I don't feel it that way?. Is it because he was the one who "said" it first?
   During graduation weekend, I met up with an old friend. She used to study in MC but she moved to...somewhere else (place shall not be indicated to protect privacy). When I told her that he and I broke up, she said this:
       "Oooooh you dump him right?"*batted eyelashes while giggling*
   No offense, but the last time I had that kind of mindset was like,...14? . Seriously, I don't care who dumps who. I don't give a damn who was the first to "say it all". It doesn't matter to me, because you know why? It @#$#*$*%$!! hurts. No matter what.
   I'm sad for the loss of this relationship. I'm hurt from not being explained properly. I envy those that he calls, meets or sms to.
    After three years, I'm a stranger now...to him.

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    31.05
   Today marks me being in Mission College for THREE years.

   May 31 three years ago is quite vivid to me. Shaun L. and I were greeted by Aunty Theresa and Uncle Damian in Bangkok International Airport. I still recalled that I was amazed  of gears of cars parked inside the airport parking lot were not locked. This is so that if another car blocks yours, you can push that car to the front/back so that your car can go out. If I'm not mistaken, Shaun and I had to do that for someone's car who was blocking Uncle Damian's.
   Three years in MC - millions of memories and experiences. I somehow feel that my time is "short" , considering the fact that I will *gulp* graduate next May. So here are some listed things that I plan to do before I'm done with college:
      [1]Travel+Visit Chiang Mai.
      [2]Play in Dreamworld.
      [3]Travel+Visit another island.
      [4]Wear an actual Thai costume.
      [5]Encounter more adventures with my friends.
      [6]Learn khaw pau kgai recipe
         (note to self: must first overcome cooking fever)
      [7]To get ears pierced/tattoo.
   Regarding point 6, my friends and I love to go on adventure trips! The recent one was that we travelled to Pasak Jolasid Dam on two motorbikes (three on 1, two on the other - Thai style!) which took us about 35/45 minutes one-way drive. Pictures of this trip are updated in my phlog.
   But hey, college life will come and go. So, while I still have it, I better cherish it. 

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    30.05
   Summer classes starts today.

   I'm taking two subjects (heck, only two subjects are offered by my department), which is Semantics and English Usage. For this week, I'll only have Semantics because EU will start next week, every day for three freaking hours for three weeks. 
   I don't know what happened to me today, but I finished about 60% of my 3 assignments given in Semantics class. Harap-harap saya sudah bertaubat dari last semester.... I really procrastinated last semester. Apa tidak, sampai saya tidak siap 1 research paper and 1 reading report! Yup, I took a gamble but fortunately, I managed to pull off a good grade in that particular course. It's like I was given a second chance, so to speak.
   Anyway, I hope summer classes for this year will be okay for me to handle. Too much drama happened for the past few months -- I'm just looking forward to finish my assignments+courses, meeting Tasha and hopefully Fiona S. in Bangkok, and of course, going home! 

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