We all made this bed... Now we have no place to lay.
I woke up dead to the horrid screaming of the phone. I'm fucking sick, and I'm miserable. My sinus cavity feels as like someone popped open my head and took a shit inside of my skull. My nose is an old man's bladder and I can't stop the snot from dripping out. On the topic of bladders, my piss is filthy... that residual drug, swamp water piss. The only reason I'm updating is so that I can bitch and piss and moan. My life is shitty.
Check this page out. Sexual fun for the whole family.
Read my archives fuckers...
I'm sorry for the sun. How could I know that you would burn?
The sheer stupidity of humankind never ceases to amaze me. Read this about recent firework related deaths. I'm still laughing over the mental picture of a 34 year-old man sticking his fat moronic head in front of a firework launcher.
Moron: Hey honey... I think this one is a dud.
Wife: Give it time...
Moron: But sweetie, it should have went off by now. I crammed enough m-80s into this tube to blow up a FT Knox vault. I WANNA SEE SHIT BLOW UP, AND I WANT TO SEE IT NOW!!! I'm gonna look in the tube to see if i can fix it.
So very tragic and horrible.
-somah
go to the archives...
Blah...
The news has been so goddamned lame lately. If I hear about smoke clouding Disney World , or the US having to dismantle a fucking airplane in China one more time, I'm gonna get a gun and shoot myself in the head. Anyways, with nothing to rant and tirade about I figured I'd disclose some personal information. Recently I discovered that I must be the only male in the world who hasn't stuck a ruler to his dick and measured its length. So upon hearing this, I had the overwhelming desire to prove my masculinity, and I looked for a ruler. To much personal dismay, I discovered I dont own a ruler, and I don't feel like explaining why I need a ruler to everyone so I'm not asking to borrow one. So being left without a tool of measurement, I've been forced to improvise. Without further ado, and for the betterment of my ego... my cock's measurements:
Totally limp (measurements from base to tip)
Length: Roughly the length of a box and a half of Newports
Width: Like half the length of a lighter
Hard (base to tip again)
Inconclusive. I couldn't manage to stay hard long enough while clutching a pack of cigarettes to get an empirical measurement.
-somah
read the damn archives.
They have the technology...
From Indy News... Evidently China has had cloning and genetic transplant technology for quite some time, and they have been using it free of the burdens of the moral majority. China is now considered one of the worls leaders in agriculture due to their genetic improvement of their crops. I'll admit that in the hands of the coporate clowns or the puppet government of America, genetic experimentation could go horribly awry. Farmers in America have already had problems with agrico's selling suicidal 'super seeds' that yield crops which do not reproduce. The medical potential for cloning is tremendous, however. Arm get ripped off? Thats ok, because we'll clone you a new one. Under the right control cloning could become a tremendous tool to be used by the medical community. Yet with a two thousand year-old theology dictating ethics, no new achievements in the fields of genetics will be reached and thousands of people will go without a possible cure.
-somah
Archives are over here.
Pity me
Its the end of the month I'm broke, and my nearest pay check is still a week a way. I am now officially sucking dick for money.
-somah
read the fucking archives
With apple pie and Cheverolet...
This is it... the last update of the day, just a small reminder that your day off from work has been brought to you buy such great hits as Memorial Day, funded by war-mongering companies such as Shell, and Wal-Mart, fueled by the blood of millions of duped individuals just like yourself. To all those suckered into dying for this wasteland of capitalism... thanks for getting blown up, I appreciate the day off. For those who funded the war efforts on all fronts... make more bombs, I like holidays.
-somah
This way to the archives.
Turnstyles, phantoms and storybook endings...
I went shopping for a whore today. I got into my car and drove into the shady part of town, the part of town that only crack abusers and bored husbands visit. As soon turned on to 'Protistute Row', I was quickly flagged down on the first corner by a toohless black woman. She wasn't exactly toothless, she actually possesed all of them except the front four. Better to suck my dick with, I thought with a smile, as I paid her 15 bucks and opened my car door for her. I took her to my usual prostitute fucking/animal sacrificing location, and pulled off my pants. She immediately began laughing at my dick size. That hideous jack-o-lantern grin soon became too much to take, and I slit her fucking throat. Who's laughing now bitch?
I head back to Whore Town for round two, and after about 30 seconds I was able to locate another prostitute. This one was young... maybe 14 or 15. She wanted 35 dollars to fuck. I punched her in the guts instead and threw her in my trunk. This time was going to be magic, special even. We went to the beach. Upon arrival I pulled the crying, sniveling mass of a child out of my trunk, and popped that teary-eyed snotty-nosed bitch in the teeth for good measure, and told her to bend over because she was getting assfucked. She too immediately began laughing, and explained to me I'd have to rim her before hand. Apprarently she had read my dissertation on sexual politics, so I had to kill her.
I made my way back into the city for the last time. Determined, I was now on a mission. Full of semen and powered by testosterone I began searching for the prostitute of my dreams. That legendary Hollywood engineered, down-on-her-luck good looking whore. After about 7 hours of searching I didn't find one that fit my exacting standards, so I settled for a decent looking transvestite. I gave him/her 45 dollars and we drove off. He/Her began blowing me as we drove away, and I knew then that I was in love. What followed can only be described as penthouse forum fantasy... a twelve hour non-stop fuck-fest before he finally pulled his dick out of my ass, and told me it was my turn. We're getting married this fall.
-somah
Why not read the archives?
Experimentation
Ok, I've started working out this hypothesis on the hidden politics and power involved in fucking and here are a few of my tenative theories.
Theory 1
If a male penetrates a female anally, that female has lost power. The male has asserted himself as the dominant one in the relationship, and the female is now submissive. Evidence supporting this theory? How many girls have you heard brag about how well they've taken it in the ass.
Theory 2
The kiss of shame... anyone eating out a partners ass asserts themself as submissive, and the reciever of the rim-job now holds more power. If the giver had at one time held excess power due to anal penetration, the slates are wiped clean and both the giver and reciever are on a even playing field as far as dominance is concerned.
Note: These are still stupid theories in progress, and I personally do not think less of any of the fine women who have allowed me to probe their ass with my cock. Feel free to contact me and give me your comments/suggestions.
-somah
Check out the archives you fucks.
Here's my dollars... now we can blow up anything we want...
Saw Pearl Harbor over the weekened, and as expected it turned out to be about 15 hours of pro-American propaganda, strung together with about an hour of really cool airplane fights. The movie's sad attempt at capturing some sense of american pride and profiteering off of it was sickening. I swear to god on my way out of the theatre I saw the groups of people forming mobs looking to go kill some japs for jesus. Now everywhere I look I see ads like "Can Pearl Harbor the movie teach us about history?'" It sure can. Up until seeing the film, I never realized that World War II was a boring, monotonous, sterotypical love triangle between three people, connected by dogfighting airplanes and robots with laser beams. Yay for America. I was disapointed that the atomic bomb didn't have a bigger role in the movie. We all know that the only sensible way America had to deal with the 'yellow menace' was to nuke Japan to hell. Where the fuck are my mutated Japanese babie-monsters. Where the fuck is Godzilla?
-somah
Read the archives...
Welcome to the end...
I swear to christ that of every person who has ever existed, I live the most banal life. Nothing ever changes. Everything just pools and stagnates, and I splash through the same boring puddles on a daily basis. I started a log of my personal activites over the weekend and I wasn't surprised. I follow the same procedures with mercury clock accuracy every damn day. Example:
Friday
3:55 pm - wake up, drink a mountain dew
3:56 pm - scratch my nuts
3:57 pm - stop scratching nuts, piss.
4:00 pm - light a cigarette, turn on the TV
4:05 pm - finish flipping through 300 channels, turn TV off
4:06 pm - walk around the apartment and talk to roomates
4:15 pm - smoke weed
4:35 pm - get ready for work (shave, shower, take a shit)
5:00 pm - work
9:15 pm - get off work
9:45 pm - go to the movies
1:30 am - get home, hang out with roomates
4:30 am - take off clothes, scratch balls
4:45 am - sleep
Saturday
3:57 pm - wake up, no mountain dew, drink water
3:59 pm - smoke a cigarette, turn tv on
4:05 pm - walk away from TV, take a shit
4:10 pm - talk to roomates, ate a spinal relaxer
4:15 pm - bong hit
4:21 pm - bong hit
4:30 pm - bong hit
4:45 pm - stare at TV
4:54 pm - (approximately) pass out
9:30 pm - wake up
9:31 pm - smoke a cigarette
9:40 pm - search the house for food
9:42 pm - bitch about the lack of food and how boring my day is to everyone
1:20 am - stop bitching
5:30 am - smoke a bowl with roomate
6:00 am - think about jacking off
6:01 am - decide im too tired
6:05 am - pass out
This is how I spend everyday of my boring life. Thank god I only have to do it for about 45 more years and then I can die. What's worse is how absolutely lazy I've become living like this. I'm too lazy to leave the house and too lazy to shower. I've even come to the point where I'm to pathetic to even masturbate because of the effort I would have to apply. The amount of retained semen I have must be incredible. The next time I cum its gonna be like an atomic bomb, leaving only decimated city blocks with cum dripping from the wreckage.
-somah
Bored? Take a look at the archives.