16 and 17 year old girls,
please leave me the fuck alone.
Little girls, I am not interested in you or
your boring ex-boyfriends or the grades you made on your last test.
I do not fucking care whether or not you think I am cute or punk rock
or that you could manipulate your parents by bringing me home.
Please fucking stop flirting with me wherever I go. Please do
not pull up with a carload of your goddamned friends and ask me for my
phone number while I am waiting for the red light to change. Do
not fucking hug me while I am working. Do not hug me and use
that as some poorly obfuscated attempt to flirt with me by pressing
your underdeveloped tits into my chest. I am not fucking
interested.
Here is something else that needs to
fucking stop. FUCKING BROKE DOWN-ASS WHORES I USED TO KNOW STOP
EMAILING ME.
Hey!
How r u? I heard that you were back in town so y havent
you tried to call me to hang out yet? I hope u r doing
good. We should go hang out and have some drinks sometime! Call me ok? XXX-XXXX is my cell or XXX-XXXX to call me
at home. C-ya!
xoxoxo
Diane
Yes, I edited out
the number. I'm such a nice mother fucker.
So if you
are out there reading this Diane, or any of you stupid cunts I used to
mess around with in Tampa, GO TO GODDAMNED HELL AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK
ALONE. If I lost interest in you 3 or 4 years ago, why the fuck
would I be concerned with you now. God ,I hate you all.
Hahaha whoops. Those hotmail
links in the upper right were linking back into my mailbox.
First, I apologize for these
ever present mood swings and continual waffling I have been
experiencing. I am the equivalent of a goddamned emotional IHOP.
I have an agenda starting with today. The agenda reads thusly:
THE EXPLANATION BEHIND THE AGENDA
This world is a goddamned shit
hole, but no longer will I bitch and wallow in my own hypocrisy.
I am trying to change my fucking approach to societal issues. I
am going to stop being a bitch and start to take action. I am
also telling you what actions to take because I believe that most of
the cocksuckers that read this page are too ignorant to think for
themselves.
Listen:
All this bullshit that surrounds everything, this
socio-political garbage, this strong kicks the shit out of the weak
willed and powerless, this capitalistic cum guzzling society; all of
this shit, it needs to change. I am not so ignorant or arrogant
or juvenile to believe that, I or anyone, can save everything. I
do believe that changes can be fucking made. This is the
goddamned plan:
THE ACTUAL AGENDA
1)
Become the goddamned thing that you hate.
Turn into the fucking media, the teachers, the law, the
judges, the fucking president. Waving flags with an anarchy
symbol plastered across them doesn't fucking work. Its fucking
childish and counter productive. Buy in but refuse to sell out.
Become a goddamned sleeper agent. Wear a fucking suit and play
by society's rules. Secure positions of importance and attempt
to change the things that you think need to be changed.
2) Break corporate America.
Almost everyone I fucking know has a shitty job working
for some megalomaniac corporate piece of garbage. Is this what
the fuck we were promised? Were we fucking raised to be a
goddamned cog in some world encompassing scheme to put money into some
fat asshole's wallet? Fuck that. Be a goddamned
Neo-Marxist. What I mean by that is that the workers have all of
the fucking power. Covertly disrespect customers and make them
never come back. Steal books of stamps and burn them.
Change files on computers and change orders. Prepare food the
wrong way, make it look like garbage or just fucking spit on it.
Eat up time on the clock and work half-assed. Do everything in
your goddamned power to make people refuse to frequently visit your
shitbag place of employment. Fuck loyalty. You owe your
corporation nothing.
3) Terrorize suburbia.
Fuck all of these stupid
neighborhood city-states. Fuck these walled in faux communities
and the people who live within them. Break down the gates and
arm-bars that keep these residents safe and secure and protected.
Write intelligent graffiti on the walls and sneer at the rent-a-cops
as they pass by. Run like crazy when they see you. Bust
holes in the fucking street and plant flowers and seeds. Litter
fucking parking lots and main streets with garbage- they used to be
fields and forests until they became littered with concrete.
4) Get involved.
Attend local community
meetings and speak out against bullshit. Think for yourself and
boo at the things that you dislike. Cheer and clap for the ideas
that you agree with. Question things that you don't understand.
Question things that disturb you. Fuck staying quiet.
These assholes are supposed to serve the community. We have
every goddamned right to be heard.
That's it for now. I
could sit here and rattle off about 20 million more asinine ideas that
could possibly compose my agenda. I know it is far fetched and
most of the ideas are so radical that they are ridiculous. My
point is that something needs to be changed and I think ideas like
these might be the only ones that will work. I also understand
that AGENDA POINT NUMBER 3 is a
delusional punk rock fantasy, and I doubt that anyone will even
consider it. I am having a difficult time taking it seriously
myself. I think my main point is that all the bitching in
the world won't do a damn thing. I think it is time to take
initiative for once and stop being such a goddamned hypocrite.
ps- here is a small list of upcoming public meetings in
the Tampa Bay area. I am going to try and attend as many as I
can. You assfucks should go as well.
With this
update, I had hoped to add something witty or full of comedy or full
of fucking rage- I just can't do it. Well I can do the comedy;
I'm fucking lowbrow as hell. The angst problem is something
entirely different. I am 25 and spent and it is hard for me to
laser-beam focus so much fucking hate. I don't even know why I
despise most of the garbage I claim to hate. It has been so long
since I have thought about it that I've completely forgotten.
I've turned into this boring ass elitist minus the eliteness that
comes with snobbery. I don't stand for shit anymore. I've
become a fucking parody- a goddamned Saturday Night Live sketch.
At the very best, I am a goddamned poser playing the starring role of
me from some kind of faded memory of something or other. I am
officially done with it. I know, I fucking know... I know
that I sound like some goddamned pussy or a sellout or a fucking
dickless bastard. I am tired of being such a lazy thinker.
I am tired of wallowing around in lethargic, bullshit mental patterns.
However, if you are under the assumption that I give a shit
about anyone's opinion on this, please see my clearly illustrated
rebuttal that is: EXHIBIT A
This is EXHIBIT A.
Note that this penis does not actually belong to me. This .jpg
is only here to serve as a symbolic representation of a well known
colloquialism that begins with "suck my" and ends with "cock". I
would also like to make note that the dick depicted here is only
moderately based on actual scale size. IE. I couldn't find a
picture of a cock large enough to adequately depict my length and
girth.
Yes, yes, yes, I am back for you
non-appreciative cock suckers. I am officially dumped. I am officially
full of motherfucking rage again. Not at my ex-girlfriend mind you,
she is still the most fucking gorgeous person I have ever known.. I find
myself delirious with hate for the goddamned world. I'm not quite sure
how this happened again- I mean its not like I had a goddamned moment
of clarity. What I had was 100 mini-thins. I'm thinking about buying
stock.
I just checked my mail for the 400th
fucking time. I've got about 45 emails from people I used to
communicate with. I put all those fuckers in my trashcan. I put them
all in my trashcan except for one. It reads thusly:
Your woman will be
surprised! Spermamax - increase your sperm quality and quantity!
I read this email and immediately
became infatuated with the goddamned idea of increasing my sperm
count. I think about the possibilities involved. I think about the
fucking mess involved. Instead of hitting myself in the goddamned face
every time I masturbate I could in theory hit the goddamned wall. I
could blast a hole in the fucker with my cum. I could start my plan of
inserting a skylight in my room. Fuck I could paint the walls with it.
I could do this:
you didn't think I
would have an update without pr0n did you?
Ok, I'm done for now.
"Done for now", is actually a fucking code word for this picture has
given me the irresistible urge to masturbate.
ps- looking over this
update I have decided it isn't very funny. To compensate for this
horrible travesty I will throw in some more porn.
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