Edinburgh Festival 1995

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Page 16

John Millar

Steve Martin has had a love affair with Scotland for more than 25 years.

He's proud to claim Scottish blood, adores the pipes and Hogmanay and reckons we can throw a great party.

But nothing could persuade the 48-year-old American superstar to take even the teeniest nibble of haggis.

Even the mention of the national delicacy turns his face almost as grey as his hair.

He said: "There are certain foods that I won't eat just based on what they are called - no matter how good they are or what they look like. Even squid does that to me.

"I haven't tried haggis."

However, he admitted that his Scottish ancestry had failed to enlighten him on the chieftain o' Scotland's puddin' race and quizzed: "Is it a vegetable?"

After digesting the true ingredients of haggis he said: "Well , I wouldn't eat it any way because I don't eat meat."

Grinning broadly, the star of hits like The Man With Two Brains, Roxanne and Trains Planes And Automobiles, said his introduction to Scotland was like stepping into one big party.

"The first time I came to Scotland I was 21. When I got off the train the streets were full of people laughing, drinking and puking.

"And I thought this place was incredible ... and it's only Thursday.

"I assumed that this was something that went on all the time. Then I learned that these people were there for a rugby game between Scotland and Wales."

Steve was at the Edinburgh Film Festival yesterday for the European Premiere of his latest movie, A Simple Twist of Fate.

He said he thought the trip would be a lot of fun - and a bit of a trip down memory lane.

Long before he was a famous Hollywood star, Steve was a part of the Festival Fringe scene.

He revealed: "I was here 25 years ago and had my banjo with me.

"I used to play for hours in a little coffee house in the city centre."

But the king of the one-liners wasn't about to give a repeat performance having left his banjo at home in Los Angeles.

What he has been doing all over again is wandering through the streets of the Capital.

He said: "I enjoy just walking around and window shopping. I like just seeing the people and going into a record store and hearing Scottish music.

"I'll probably get married and have kids here," he joked.

But he was serious about enjoying the sound of the pipes and Scottish folk songs.

He said: "I'm part Scottish, so I guess it's something in my genes. I've always loved Celtic music. For years I've played it and bought it."

And he does know the pipes when he hears them. He said: "I've used them in films like LA Story."

Steve's tartan connection continued during the filming of A Simple Twist Of Fate, which was directed by Scots movie man Gillies MacKinnon. Gillies introduced Steve to the tradition of Hogmanay and the American funny man certainly entered into the spirit of things.

He danced a jig and brought in the gift of a piece of coal, which was actually a bit of rock painted black, since they couldn't find any coal in Atlanta where they were filming.

But, perhaps because he's only half-Scots, a smiling Steve said that he didn't over-indulge during our "bizarre" Hogmanay celebration.

He admitted: "I never really get drunk."

Steve continued in jokey mood when asked if he'd managed to see director Gillies MacKinnon's latest movie Small Faces at the Festival.

"No, but I saw a poster and I really enjoyed it," he laughed.

And he had a one-liner reply to the question of his ambitions to try his hand at movie directing:

"No way, I like to have a life."

Though A Simple Twist flopped in the States, Steve Martin has no regrets and says he likes the movie which is one of his rare serious roles in a tale inspired by the Silas Marner story.

But the joker is back on the laughter track with two comedies in the pipeline.

He's made a sequel to Father Of The Bride - this time his married daughter and his wife both get pregnant - and he's taking on the role that Phil Silvers immortalised in his own big screen Sergeant Bilko.

Steve doesn't worry that he's taking a bit of a risk playing a character who became such a comedy hit. He said he'd gambled before when he filmed Father Of The Bride because Spencer Tracy had been flawless in the original.

The comedian told me: "I was reluctant at first because I grew up with Bilko. But the script was funny and so it all came together."

While he's enjoyed his latest sojourn to Scotland, Steve admitted that he was starting to feel a wee bit homesick.

He wants to get back to the States before he starts dreaming about a lop-sided haggis chasing him round a dinner table ...

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August 25, 1995

Pg. 3

William Russell

HOLLYWOOD came to the West End of Edinburgh yesterday when Steve Martin, the American comedian and actor, launched a charm offensive against the Scottish media in the Caledonian Hotel.

Martin was last in Edinburgh 25 years ago playing his banjo in a coffee house in Lothian Road. "I was 21, and when I got off the train I found the streets were full of people laughing and drinking and puking," he said. "I thought -- 'This place is incredible.' But it was the night of the Scotland and Wales rugby game. I had assumed this behaviour went on all the time. But the next night -- dead."

 He has returned because A Simple Twist of Fate, directed by Gillies Mackinnon, which he wrote and stars in, received its British premiere at the Drambuie Edinburgh Film Festival. Set in the present day in the American South it is based on George Eliot's novel, Silas Marner. Why had he chosen the book? "I had come to the decision I wanted to do a movie driven by plot. You can add comedy and flights of fancy because the subject drives you along. I read the book, analysed it, and reorganised it a bit -- but that is what we do in the movies."

The critical reception has been mixed, but Martin charmed the premiere audience with an impromptu 10-minute comedy spot after the screening. Yesterday he turned his attention to the media, rashly laying claim, as visiting Americans always do, to Scottish ancestry. "I am part Scottish," he said to explain why he felt so at home.

 Which part was Scottish?

 "I don't know," he confessed. "It is in the mix there -- English, Scottish, and Irish. I guess there is something in my genes because I like Scottish music. I have played it for years."

 Such as?

 "Mary Black" he said.

 "But she's Irish," he was told.

 "Well, I like Scottish and Irish music," he said hastily.

 But if Martin was making the usual suspect protestations about his origins, the Scottish media were asking the same old questions, like whether he had yet tried haggis?

 "There are certain foods I will not eat, no matter how good they are or what they look like," he said. "It is based on what they are called and I guess even squid is included. Haggis is a vegetable dish, right?"

 He was told what it contained.

 "I don't eat meat," he said firmly.

 He said he did not think of roles in terms of what people expected him to do, but of what appealed to him. "It has never bothered me what people think," he added. "I choose the subject, start writing or reading a script, decide on the basis of liking it, and go on from there. If something is good it will be accepted. The hard part is making it good."

 The plot involves a dispute between a teenage girl's poor adoptive parent, played by Martin, and her wealthy natural parent, played by Gabriel Byrne, over who should have custody.

 He said there had been a lot of controversy in America about adoption and he thought it a very relevant, human story. As to the accuracy of the court hearing, the film's climax, at which the judgment of Solomon has to be made, he hedged his bets. "It could be accurate," he said. "There were a lot of trials like that. One occurred after the screen play was done which was virtually identical. I believe the foster parents won and got to keep the child, but a year later she decided to go back to her natural parents."

 He said he had no idea whether he was an actor or a comedian. He just did what he did. "I think films like Father of the Bride and Parenthood were highly dramatic so in my mind I have been doing drama," he added. "The Jerk, on the other hand, was comedy."

 He has just made a Sergeant Bilko film, having been reluctant for a long time to take on a role Phil Silvers made his own, but he had liked the people he would be working with -- Dan Ackroyd and Jonathan Lynn among them -- and it had all came together. He did not make films just to fund other films. Every one he had done he had wanted to do.

 Apart from Bilko, what else was on its way? There was Father of the Bride 2, he said. In it his daughter gets pregnant, he felt he was getting older, dyed his hair, exercised in the gym, and made love to Diane Keaton, who played his wife, on the kitchen floor.

 "She starts feeling funny and thinks it is the menopause, but it turns out she is pregnant and she and our daughter have their babies on the same day," he added.

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August 24, 1995, Thursday

Page 3

Hollywood funnyman Steve Martin hid behind his heavies yesterday when he went walkabout in Edinburgh.

 The reluctant star was in town for last night's European premiere of his latest movie, A Simple Twist of Fate.

 Wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, Martin walked unrecognised among shoppers.

 He moved away when approached but said he was enjoying his stay.

 Steve had earlier flown into Edinburgh Airport and was driven to the city's Caledonian Hotel.

 The premiere, at the Dominion Cinema, was the highlight of this year's Film Festival.

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Lonach Highland Games and Gathering 2000-2001

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Page 3

By Gina Davidson

THE drizzle fell steadily and the midges were out in force, but nothing could dampen the spirits of the Highlands' latest clan, the MacHollywoods.

Dressed in full Scottish attire, Steve Martin and Robin Williams attempted to bring some Californian sunshine to the 159th Lonach Highland Games and Gathering.

Invited for the second consecutive year by the Laird of Candacraig, better known as Billy Connolly, they entered into the spirit of the day, with Williams again competing in the five mile hill run.

Also there for Hollywood meets the Highlands: The Sequel, were Dame Judi Dench, sensibly dressed in raincoat and tartan scarf, and her husband Michael Williams who is still battling lung cancer. They were accompanied by former Monty Python star Eric Idle and Connolly's wife Pamela Stephenson.

This year Martin and Williams took their love of all things Scottish a step further by indulging in the traditional Saturday night dinner of fish supper and fizzy juice.

Obviously fed up with no-fat, no-calories, no-taste LA food, funnyman Martin got stuck into deep-fried fish and chips while Williams quenched the thirst he worked up during his gruelling run with a can of 'real' Coke.

Despite the rain and slate grey skies, Martin showed his sense of humour by wearing sunglasses and told the crowd he was "enjoying my day." And while the rest took their seats at the centre of a tiny grandstand, Dame Judi toured the stalls and proved successful at a dice throwing game, winning a bottle of whisky.

The annual games opened with the traditional early morning march of the Men of Lonach behind their pipe band through the picturesque but rain-swept glen.

They stopped during the six-mile trek at a number of houses, including Connolly's Candacraig, to receive the traditional hospitality and to toast their patrons with a dram.

The Big Yin became the Laird of Candacraig when he bought the pounds 500,000 estate and 15-bedroom mansion three years ago.

He had fallen in love with it during the filming of Mrs Brown which portrayed the relationship between Queen Victoria (played by Dame Judi) and her servant John Brown.

There were concerns that the comedian, who has had a turbulent relationship with the media, might shun tradition to preserve his privacy. But Connolly has taken his duties as laird seriously and has been an enthusiastic supporter of the march and games.

This year his daughter also showed she has inherited her parents' talent for entertaining by scooping a top dance title. Proud dad Connolly kissed 12-year -old Scarlett on the head as he congratulated her on her success.

He said: "I am delighted for her. It is amazing. It is the first time she has entered and she has only been dancing for two years after being taught by local girls. It is lovely."

Scarlett won two first prizes, one second and third to secure the Lonach Area Dance Trophy for Girls, aged 12-16.

The presence of Connolly and his all-star visitors has turned the event into a major tourist attraction, now rivalling the famous Braemar games which are patronised by the Royal Family. They will be held next Saturday.

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August 27, 2000, Sunday

News; Page 3

Lorna Fletcher

THE Big Yin turned into the Big Grin yesterday, as Billy Connolly watched his Hollywood friend Robin Williams take part in a Highland hill race.

Williams pounded off in pouring rain for the gruelling four-mile trek - and despite coming in with the stragglers claimed to enjoy every minute, saying: "It was fantastic."

Mrs Doubtfire star Williams was among an all-star line-up of tartan-clad guests who descended on Billy's Aberdeenshire home to turn the Lonarch Games into a Hollywood spectacle.

With Billy and wife Pamela Stephenson in the top tent were Dame Judi Dench, her husband Michael Thomas (pictured top).

Movie star Steve Martin (above right) and Monty Python funnyman Eric Idle mingled with the crowds.

Since Billy became Laird of Candacraig three years ago he has been an enthusiastic supporter of the games.

And his friends' all-star appearances have turned the event into a major tourist attraction - which now rivals the Royal Family's favourite games at nearby Braemar.

Even Billy's daughter Scarlett, 12, got in on the Lonarch act...by scooping two first prizes for dancing.

Billy said: "I am delighted. It is amazing. She has only been dancing for two years."

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August 28, 2000, Monday

News; Page 3

Ken Banks

THE 12-year-old daughter of Scots funnyman Billy Connolly stole the limelight from her famous dad at the weekend.

Scarlett showed she has inherited his talent for performing by winning a major Highland dancing award - after just two years of lessons.

The dark-haired schoolgirl got a hug and a kiss from her proud dad and a pat on the back from mum Pamela Stephenson after she took first place in her age group at their local Highland Games.

And the talented youngster, who won two first prizes, a second and a third to secure the Lonach Area Dance Trophy for Girls, even managed to outshine the Big Yin's showbiz pals.

She was roared onto victory by Hollywood giants including Dame Judi Dench, Steve Martin and Robin Williams.

Proud dad Billy said: "I am delighted for her. It is amazing.

"It is the first time she has entered and she has only been dancing for two years after being taught by local girls. It is lovely."

The Connollys and their celebrity pals brought a touch of glamour to the Lonach Gathering.

The traditional Highland games is staged close to the Billy's Scottish retreat and has become a key fixture in the calendars of his co-stars.

An invitation to stay at Connolly's Candacraig House over the Lonach weekend is much sought after by his pals, many of whom returned this year for a second time.

Madcap Mrs Doubtfire star Robin even took part in a gruelling four mile hill race.

The actor had prepared for the taxing event, which required him to run on a rain soaked dirt path up a 1000ft hill, by cycling on the back roads round secluded Candacraig.

While Dame Judi and Billy's wife Pamela wrapped up in trenchcoats and tartan shawls to keep warm, zany US comic Steve wore sunglasses.

During the afternoon Dame Judi, who was accompanied by her daughter, Finty, wandered round the stalls sampling the local fair.

Connolly's co-star in the blockbuster Mrs Brown, she proved successful at a dice throwing game where she won a bottle of whisky.

"She really was a bit lucky," said a member of staff.

Thankfully, the woman who played the notoriously prickly Queen Victoria in the hit film saw the funny side.

Billy's patronage of the event has led to its increasing popularity with hordes of fans turning out to catch a glimpse of their Hollywood idols.

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August 28, 2000, Monday

Home news

Scarlett, 12, showed that she has inherited their talent by winning a major Highland dancing award - after just two years of lessons.

The girl received a hug and a kiss from her proud father and a pat on the back from her mother, Pamela Stephenson, when they heard that she had taken first place in her age group at their local Highland games. Scarlett won two first prizes, one second and a third to secure the Lonach Area Dance Trophy for Girls, aged 12-16. Connolly said: "It is amazing."

The Connollys and a number of celebrity friends turned out to support the Lonach Gathering near the comedian's mansion. His guests included the film stars Dame Judi Dench, Steve Martin and Robin Williams.

Williams took part in a gruelling hill race while Martin, despite the rain, showed his sense of humour by wearing sunglasses. Connolly's patronage of the event has led to its increasing popularity. Hordes of fans turn out in the hope of catching a glimpse of a star.

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August 27, 2000

Torcuil Crichton

Mrs Brown came back to the Highland glens yesterday as Dame Judi Dench, the star of the eponymous film about Queen Victoria, attended the Lonach Gathering as a guest of its patron, Billy Connolly.

It was the second time that Hollywood stars turned out at the tiny Highland Games event in the village of Bellabeg, close to Connolly's Highland estate at Candacraig.

Despite the pouring rain and slate-grey skies, Connolly's celebrity pals did their best to brighten the rain-soaked event.

Funnyman Steve Martin showed his sense of humour by wearing sunglasses and told the crowd he was "enjoying my day".

However Dame Judi Dench and Connolly's wife, Pamela Stephenson, wore trenchcoats and tartan shawls to keep themselves warm.

They were accompanied by Dame Judi's husband, Michael Williams, and the couple's daughter, Finty. Also returning for a second year to add glamour to the gathering were Robin Williams - sporting a moustache - and former Monty Python favourite Eric Idle.

While the rest took their seats at the centre of a tiny grandstand, Dame Judi toured the stalls and proved successful at a dice-throwing game where she won a bottle of whisky.

"She was lucky," said a member of staff, as the woman who portrayed Queen Victoria in the film Mrs Brown walked back to her friends, obviously "very amused".

The Big Yin and his celebrity pals arrived in two groups at the games field in the remote glen in Strathdon. Connolly's patronage of the event has led to its increasing popularity, with hordes of fans turning out in the hope of catching a rare glimpse of their Hollywood idols taking in the Scottish countryside.

Connolly won over the hearts of the locals by adopting the role of the laird and taking part in the traditional march of the Men of Lonach, which has taken place annually for the last 159 years, and the subsequent Lonach Gathering.

The Scottish actor and his comedienne wife fell in love with the area during the filming of Mrs Brown, which was set on the nearby Balmoral Estate.

GRAPHIC: Funnymen Robin Williams (top) and Steve Martin brave the Scottish weather;Dame Judi Dench and husband Michael Williams accompany Pamela Stephenson and Billy Connolly to the Lonach Gathering - now a magnet for star spotters Photograph: Karen Murray

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August 28, 2000

Page 7

Connolly and his celebrity house party all adopted Highland dress for the day. Dame Judi Dench, his co-star from Mrs Brown, again attended with husband Michael Williams.

American comedians and actors Robin Williams and Steve Martin, along with Monty Python star Eric Idle, also watched from the shelter of the grandstand before walking round the crowded park later.

The actor-comedian and his wife joined proud parents as their 12-year-old daughter, Scarlett, stepped forward to receive one of the top dancing trophies at Saturday's annual games.

Beaming Scarlett was awarded a silver rosebowl after taking the Lonach area champion title for under-16s, having won two first places, a second and a third award in the Highland dancing sections.

After accepting the coveted award from Lady Forbes, wife of Lonach Society patron Sir Hamish Forbes of Newe, the youngster rushed across to her parents to hold it up for inspection.

Her father joked: "Don't give it to me, I'll drop it. It's yours. Well done."

As Scarlett received a hug from her mother, Billy Connolly said he was delighted at his daughter's triumph: "It's absolutely great. She has only been learning for a year, taking lessons from local dancers."

Earlier showers had cleared in time for a late-afternoon prizegiving, with all the winners receiving loud applause from spectators packing the Bellabeg Park ring.

Persistent rain had forced judges to move dancing competitions under canvas, and the Connollys and guests walked through the crowds to a marquee.

While Robin Williams managed to get a front seat - before leaving to take part in the Lonach Hill Race - fellow star Steve Martin stood on a chair for a better view.

Williams, who took part in the gruelling race last year, was among one of the biggest line -ups for years for the four-mile challenge. The Mrs Doubtfire star was well up the field, to a roar of applause.

He was congratulated by Billy Connolly and a kilted Eric Idle. As the Hollywood star went off to change back into his Highland outfit, the pair watched a close-fought caber competition. As Connolly started to take off his jacket, jokingly offering to have a try, the Monty Python star passed him a now surplus umbrella for a practice lob.

Though closely shadowed by kilted security staff from Candacraig, the stars mingled with passers-by, stopping to sign autographs for youngsters.

"It's been a great day. It's a fantastic atmosphere," said Connolly just before leaving.

He added that he loved living in Strathdon, where he had quickly been accepted by other residents: "It's great, being part of a community like this. When it comes down to it, I'm just a welder in fancy clothes."

Strathdon's 159th annual spectacle started in traditional style with the Lonach Highlanders - hosts this year to the only other private army in the country, the Atholl Highlanders - parading through the glen behind their Lonach standards and pipe band.

Despite rainy conditions, the six-mile route was lined by tourists and local spectators. The 150 Highlanders halted at the homes of event patrons - including Billy Connolly's historic mansion home of Candacraig - for refreshment, before marching on to the gathering and games.

Sponsors

The Press and Journal was again sponsoring the light events in a packed day's programme at the park, a natural arena in a bend of the River Don among forest -clad hills.

Several of the Highlanders had to drop out of the parade after being called out as part of the glen's volunteer fire unit, changing from Highland outfit to firemen's uniforms. The unit helped at the scene of a head -crash between two cars on bends near Candacraig.

Among those proudly marching as a Highlander was Hungarian Tibor Szeder, a 29-year-old architect who, along with wife Monika, helped make a Lonach trip to his country a major success in 1996.

After taking part in the march in full Lonach outfit and carrying a seven-foot pike, father-of-three Tibor said it had been an unforgettable honour.

"It has been a great experience. It was very wet, but happily the Highland outfit is really comfortable and warm."

The informal mix of Hollywood and Highlander echoed the Lonach's by-name of the Friendly Games, said Lonach Society secretary John Barber.

He added: "The weather may not have been best this year, but there was still a tremendous turnout and the usual special atmosphere. It's been another great Lonach."

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Independent (London) http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=40433

27 December 2000

Brian Viner

Billy Connolly welcomes me into his mobile home, an enormous Winnebago with a comfy sofa and flowers in vases and hot and cold running production assistants bringing whatever the great man fancies. And yet he wears his huge celebrity with well-practised ease. He is twinkly and affable and touchingly solicitous. "Would you like a wee digestive biscuit with your tea?"

So much for the hard-drinking hell-raiser of old. He is 58 now, and soon to become a grandparent. So, does he favour grandpa or grandad? Funny, I have always wanted to interview him, but this is a line of questioning I never expected to pursue. "Granda'," he says. "Without the second D. Aye, granda'." He draws on his pipe as if in rehearsal for the role. "I can't wait." Connolly's loose vowels turn "wait" into "waaaait". "I've been seeeething with envy at all my friends."

Mercifully he seems to like me, this celebrated scourge of nosy hacks and cheeky photographers. At any rate, our encounter starts auspiciously. "Bejeeeesus, The Independent," he says, brown eyes dancing under fierce eyebrows. "Do come in." As I enter I clock a copy of the day's Independent on the sofa. Connolly, of all people, has surely not taken to flattering journalists by conspicuously positioning their wares? But no, he assures me that he's a loyal reader, at least when he's in the UK.

He is here to make a BBC film called Gentlemen's Relish. He plays an Edwardian painter called Kingdom Swann, who turns to photography when his style of painting goes out of fashion, and gets accidentally mixed up in the pornography business. Since his marvellous performance as John Brown, devoted ghillie to Judi Dench's Queen Victoria in the acclaimed film Mrs Brown, Connolly has been in increasing demand as a serious actor. He likes it. He's off to Toronto next, to play the baddie in a film about Prince Charming. And he likes dressing up in period costume. "I cannot get enough of those Edwardian clothes. I love them. But being a leftish, hippyish kind of guy, I'm glad that era's over. Working men were at their lowest ebb ever. With my background I would have been a slave."

His lifestyle now - homes in Los Angeles and the Scottish Highlands, the latter with "a wee loch" - stands in almost comical contrast to that background, to the grim Glasgow tenements and the pair of brutish aunts who brought him up after his mother abandoned the family when he was four. Pamela Stephenson, the comedienne-turned-sex-therapist (I love writing that; it seems so improbable, like "the dentist-turned-steeplejack") who has been his partner for nigh on 20 years and is mother of his three teenage daughters (he has two older children from his first marriage), once said: "He had an appalling childhood, very abusive, and he brings these scars to his current life."

Connolly does not argue with this. "Aye, I didn't have a happy family life, and I had a line of psychopathic schoolteachers, but in the end I have used it to my advantage. The stuff that's meant to wound you can come in handy. If you're in any way creative you can put it to work."

Williams and Martin are among the show-business luminaries regularly invited to Candacraig House, Connolly's home in the Highlands. The Prince of Wales visits too. Connolly spends summers and Christmases there, and adores it. Yet his beloved Scotland remains ambivalent about him. I know Scots who howl at his stories while seeming to resent his social life, as if a former welder should not be permitted to hobnob with royalty.

"Aye, as soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me, accusing me of selling out by moving to Kelvinside, which is quite posh. Then I moved to Drymen [by Loch Lomond], then to London, then to America, and each time they saw it as a bigger sell-out. They seem to reserve that for me. And it has always baffled me, although now I don't really care."

His mild persecution complex is understandable. To paraphrase an old fortune-cookie, just because he's paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get him. And he merrily supplies the ammunition. For example, far from endorsing the Scottish National Party, like his fellow Scot Sir Sean Connery, he enthusiastically rubbishes it.

"I've never liked nationalists. What was it Einstein said about nationalism? Oh God, I've forgotten the quote and made an arse of myself. No, nationalism is the measles of the world, that's it. And I couldn't agree more. If the people of Scotland want to be independent, that's A-OK with me. But I hated seeing them fobbed off with that little Stormont that they've given them in Edinburgh. And devolution? What the hell's that? I've always believed that freedom is taken, not given."

The Big Yin as polemicist? Actually, it rather suits him. "What I don't like is the idea that we're different," he continues. "Working in the shipyards made me the same as guys in Liverpool and Newcastle. But the anti-English thing in Scotland has acquired a nastiness in the last 10 years, and I hate it. There's always been an anti-English, jocular, vulgar, postcardy thing, with about as much strength as the Glasgow-Edinburgh feeling, but this is nasty; this smacks of fascism.

"To imagine for a second that you're endowed with certain attributes because you come from a certain geographical point? It's shite. Hitler would have been proud of you. They're suspicious of me in Scotland because I like England. They don't think that you can do both. Well, I love England. I want to do a TV series about it like the one I did on Scotland. I thinkit's the most complex country in the world, England. A ridiculously complicated little country."

And Connolly, as his wife says, is a complicated guy. Funny and serious. A happy family man abused as a child. A sociable loner. "I was never a joiner," he reflects. "Even when I cycled I never joined the cycling club, I just cycled around on my own and sometimes joined lines of other cyclists. I did use to hang out with lefties and anarchists. But actually, I liked the anarchists more. The lefties would never own up to Stalin. As soon as you mentioned Stalin they'd go [he roars, practically rocking the Winnebago] 'OH TYPICAL!' And they'd start attacking you until you were scared to bring up Stalin again, so they were scot free."

He throws his head back and laughs mightily. "You know, a lot of my friends in Scotland are trying to cope with a whole lifetime of being wrong, because the world has pretty mightily rejected socialism. Although, funnily enough, most of them are landlords or they have their own businesses.

"It's like Labour guys ending up in the House of Lords. I find that unbearable. Unbearable! A trades union man in the House of Lords? It should be called the House of Frauds."

It seems safe to assume that Connolly would not accept a peerage, in the admittedly unlikely event of one being offered to him. "Well, Neil Kinnock knew my theory that Celts come from Atlantis, so in 1993 he said 'I'm going to make you a lord - if you'll be Lord Connolly of Atlantis'. I said, 'done'. I love him. He made me laugh and also pause for thought. I hate what New Labour has done to the thing that he started, getting all cozy-wozy with big business. He is a hero of mine."

And his other heroes? "Mostly banjo players you have never heard of. Or people such as Robert De Niro, enigmatic people.

"I have an awful lot of heroes. Stephen Fry's another one. I love him. He wasn't born; he was invented by PG Wodehouse. And Gazza, I like Gazza. He was a genius and you have to learn to live with geniuses, not expect them to learn to live with you. People get angry at Mike Tyson for saying he's going to rip his opponent's heart out. What do they think warriors do at night, for God's sake? Read Alfred Tennyson?"

He has deviated slightly from his original question. Yes, a wee digestive biscuit would be lovely.

'Gentlemen's Relish' is on BBC1 at 9.20pm on New Year's Day