Now I am blue. And not because I am hoping for ANOTHER boy. I feel sad. I no longer feel optimistic. No one and nothing can convince me right now that I am having a baby in March. Or ever again. I imagine walking into the doctor's office tomorrow and demanding the ultrasound first, before all the chit-chat. Of course, in this horrible vision I have over and over again all day, there is no baby. Even if there is a baby that looks good, I still won't be convinced. And either way, I see that I will cry my eyes out.

I hate these emotional stability swings. I don't like to call them mood swings, because I don't think of these as moods. Just that one day I am optimistic about my baby and the next I am completely opposite. And it makes me so sad. More sad than I already was. And most days I do not feel any symptoms of pregnancy and that makes me even more sad! How much more sad can I get?