To be fair, I will write in blue today. I should keep it fair and balanced.  I am proud, though, that I am posting another entry today. I even doubted my own committment. Did I spell that right?

I am trying a new approach in this pregnancy....relaxation. I know it is one of the 3 things I wrote about yesterday. But I relaized today that I can accomplish this. It will take a lot of effort on my part. But probably not as much effort as restraining myself from spilling the beans. It is so hard to be so excited about something you have wanted for a long time but have to act like you are not and not be able to share the news with anyone.

It is also very hard not to talk excitedly with my husband about it. I know he wants to as well, but is feeling the same reservation I am. We want to talk about the future, the delivery, the name, whether or not to find out the sex, what kind of car should we buy when the baby is born. But we find ourselves saying "if" more often than "when" and it makes me feel guilty. Like I am just waiting around for another miscarriage. I want to be attached to this baby like I was with my other 2 babies. But I don't want to get crushed. Then again, I will be crushed no matter what if I have another miscarriage. Even if I detach myself from it emotionally now. So, that makes me think I should talk about and plan around this baby absolutely being born and being healthy.

Well, I guess that is something to think about.....