Halftime
By Aaron Ziegler
alziegle@norcia.cs.csbsju.edu
http://bingen.cs.csbsju.edu/~alziegle

Chapter 14: Time Warp

   Wherever the dark sorcerer had been spending his days lately,
Magus once more stalked the night. The building he was presently
stalking was the Neko Hanten, where Cologne, Shampoo, and Mousse,
were (hopefully) fast asleep. The front door was locked, of
course, and probably wired with any number of deviously intricate
theft deterrents. Whether it was or not, Magus didn't care. He
had other ways of entering homes uninvited. A third story window,
for instance; especially one on a blank wall. Such a window was
likely to be unlocked. Most burglars, after all, can't fly. Magus
was not a burglar, but he could. The sorcerer soon found an
appropriate window, and slipped silently into the darkened home.
   Aside from the wan light streaming in through the single
window, the hallway Magus found himself in was pitch black. This
did not bother him in the least. As a master of Shadow magic, he
had long become accustomed to the dark, and could see clearly in
the most poorly lit caves and corridors. Regardless of this fact,
it was not conventional vision that Magus needed now. With a
subtle mental effort, Magus magically probed the area around him,
trying to pick up a trace of the auras of the residents sleeping
somewhere in the building around him. Soon, he found the residue
of Mousse's aura. What he had been doing in the attic, Magus had
no idea. But, with Mousse's reputation for poor vision, Mousse
probably hadn't either. Magus locked onto Mousse's scent and
followed it.
   The aura traces led Magus to Mousse's sleeping form. The boy
was curled up like some kind of pathetic puppy on the floor
outside of Shampoo's bedroom. Magus had no respect for him. When
Magus wanted something, he took it. It was true that that sort of
behavior was usually frowned upon by others, but in this case it
was what Shampoo expected. To earn a wife in the tribe of Chinese
Amazons, one had to be willing to show one was strong and
determined. Strength Mousse had, Magus was certain of that,
perhaps even enough to defeat Shampoo and win her respect. But he
lacked the strength of will to truly face her, and so lacked the
strength of will to achieve his desires. Pathetic.
   But none of this was important now. What was important was
that Mousse was human now. Magus had learned several more details
concerning Ranma and the people he associated with from Nabiki,
in exchange for further care and feeding tips for her thriving
Dark Fruit plant (Magus had not been so naive as to believe that
Nabiki had told him everything he needed to know, nor had he been
so foolish as to tell Nabiki everything she needed to know; truly
she was a business woman to be reckoned with). Among the things
he had learned was that Shampoo often locked Mousse up in duck
form when he had been pestering her (which was frequent). This
had the potential of causing problems for Magus, whose plans
depended on having everyone important in human form this night.
Almost everyone, he amended.
   Magus would take care of Mousse in a minute. Cologne, he knew,
was the greater threat, and should be neutralized as quickly as
possible. Cologne's bedroom was, conveniently, located right next
to Shampoo's. As softly as a shadow, Magus slipped inside. He
stared thoughtfully at the withered crone sleeping peacefully
before him. Now this was someone he could respect. This was a
survivor. If the very fact that she was centuries old wasn't
enough to convince him, Nabiki's description of her fighting
prowess was. Despite the woman's helpless appearance, Magus knew
that she was a force to be reckoned with. Wasting no time, Magus
reached into a pocket and drew forth a leather drawstring pouch.
>From it he withdrew a handful of fine powder. Chanting an arcane
verse, he liberally sprinkled the old woman with it. As each
syllable flowed forth, the powder seemed to shimmer and be
absorbed by the sleeping form.
   Suddenly, Magus felt a hard blow strike him in the stomach,
followed almost instantly by a jarring strike to the skull. The
sorcerer reeled backwards, stunned. Almost reflexively, he drew
his scythe from its hidden sheath in his flowing cape. But his
opponent wasn't moving. Cologne was sleeping as peacefully as
ever, but now had her long, wooden staff in hand. Magus sighed
with relief. It must have been a reflex. Somehow, the old woman
had detected him, and lashed out in response. Fortunately, he had
worked enough of his magic to ensure that she couldn't reach full
consciousness. Magus quickly finished the sleeping spell,
ensuring that Cologne would spend the rest of the night in a deep
sleep. Still, as he left the room, he couldn't help but to glance
back at Cologne with a somewhat awed expression. Truly, she was a
formidable woman.
   Magus took a moment in the hallway to apply the same treatment
to Mousse. Pitiful as the sleeping boy was, Magus didn't want to
risk anyone seeing what he was going to do next. Plus, he was
unsure whether he could open the door without waking the fool up.
Once Mousse was locked into slumber, Magus dragged him away from
the door, and slipped into Shampoo's room.
   He found the purple-haired girl curled up in her bed, almost
like a cat would sleep. She was snoring lightly. This one, Magus
knew, was much like her great-grandmother. She was powerful,
clever, knew exactly what she wanted, and pursued her goals with
ruthless enthusiasm. Magus could respect that. Her continued
failures, however, caused Magus to wonder if she was really as
clever as she seemed. But all of this was idle thinking. He had
work to do.
   Magus began with the same sleep spell he had used on the
others. He didn't want Shampoo to awaken before he was finished
and gone. The next thing he did was to produce a vial of clear
liquid from a pouch on his belt. My own home-brewed Chiisui-ton,
he thought with a smirk.
   Years ago (or a few years hence), while Magus had been
researching Jusenkyo, he had stumbled across the lost Musk
dynasty. The Musk dynasty was unique in that it was composed
entirely of men. Whenever a member desired a wife, that man would
drop an animal into the Spring of the Drowned Girl at Jusenkyo,
and then freeze that animal into human form using water from a
magical bucket called Chiisui-ton. Anyone or anything cursed by a
spring of Jusenkyo would be permanently stuck in cursed form if
splashed with water from that bucket. Magus had been intrigued,
and so, in exchange for a number of magical favors, had borrowed
the bucket for study. As it turned out, the spell on the bucket
had been a fairly simple one, and easy to decipher (evidently it
was much easier to cement the curse than it was to cause it in
the first place--Magus was still uncertain how the Jusenkyo
springs operated). It had been easy to duplicate the spell, and
he had cast it on a few glass vials.
   It was water from one of these vials that Magus poured onto
Shampoo's sleeping form. The obvious effect of this was the same
as any other time cold water had crossed Shampoo's path. The
sleeping girl swiftly contracted, limbs bending and reshaping as
she sprouted soft white and pink fur all over her body. Soon,
Shampoo was an adorable kitty, curled up and purring amidst her
pajamas and bedsheets. The less obvious effect was that she was
now that way to stay. No longer would warm water restore her to
her former self. Not even water from Kaisui-fu, the counterpart
to Chiisui-ton that reversed its affects, would be of any help.
Magus had altered the spell from its original form. Now, only he
had the cure.
   Magus stalked out of the room, a smirk playing across his
lips. Probably best not to be here when she wakes up, thought
Magus. Yes, Shampoo was surely going to have kittens when she
found out what happened to her. But he had to hurry. Phase two
was far from complete.
   The next phase of phase two, perhaps unsurprisingly, found
Magus at the Tendo property. As he had at the Neko Hanten, he was
dusting everyone with his sleeping powder, and confirming that
everyone in the house and the dojo that had a choice was human
(well, except for Frog; but Magus's original enchantment had left
Frog human enough for his purposes tonight). There were only two
cases that he had to worry about. Genma typically slept in panda
form, but he slept so soundly that Magus wondered if there was
any point in dusting him at all. Eventually, he decided that it
would be best to leave nothing to chance.
   Although, chance had certainly been on his side that evening.
In addition to finding Mousse human and sleeping, he had
practically tripped over Ryoga, who had been sleeping in a pup
tent on the Tendo lawn. While Magus had known Ryoga was cursed
from the moment he laid eyes on the boy, he had only recently
discovered that Ryoga usually slept in pig form with Akane on the
nights that he was in town. Magus wondered if even Nabiki knew
this. She certainly hadn't mentioned it to him, but that could
merely mean that she'd been saving it to bargain with later.
Magus didn't bother to try to guess why Ryoga had chosen to sleep
outside that night, but it certainly made Magus's job a lot
easier.
   But back to more pressing concerns. Magus had no idea how
Robo's robotic body operated, but he knew that some machines had
devices for detecting intruders. Whether Robo had such devices on
his person to protect him while he slept, Magus had no idea. If
he did, they hadn't detected him while he subdued Ranma and his
father. Perhaps the robe Robo had taken to wearing muffled his
detection equipment. Another problem was that Robo slept on his
feet. Magus needed the robot to be human during phase three, and
that was going to be a problem. First, he would have to pour cold
water on him. Under the best of circumstances, that would tend to
wake even a deep sleeper, let alone a robot with a heightened
sense of touch. He had to get up close, too. If Magus doused him
from a distance, he'd turn into a standing, sleeping human.
Standing, sleeping humans generally became falling, sleeping
humans, and then angry, conscious humans.
   Magus formulated a plan. First, of course, he needed water.
Magus silently retrieved a cup full of cold water from the
bathroom in the hall. Back in Ranma, Genma, and Robo's room,
Magus stood in the doorway, water in one hand, sleeping powder in
the other. Magus braced himself, and then entered a sort of yoga-
like trance to prepare for shadowporting. Shadowporting had the
effect of rendering Magus's body intangible and undetectable
through any means save sight for a short period of time, usually
long enough to walk a few yards, or to prepare an attack. It was
a technique he had developed soon after being stranded in the
Middle Ages by Lavos. It had been a necessary step in earning the
respect and loyalty of the monsters he was one day to use to gain
access to the power he needed for his revenge against Lavos.
Generally he shadowported to get into more strategic positions
during a brawl, but it was a somewhat taxing procedure
physically, even if it put next to no drain on his magical
reservoir. Here, though, it would certainly be worth it. Magus
phased into his Shadowform and glided across the room and through
Robo, rematerializing behind his back. Wasting no time, Magus
dumped the water on Robo's head. He caught the damp, groggy,
awakening girl, and hastily eased her to the floor. Working
feverishly, he sprinkled his powder on her, and spoke the words
to return her to her slumber. Robo's eyes came dangerously close
to flickering open before her tensing body relaxed once more.
Magus sighed in relief.
   More at ease now, Magus sauntered over to where Ranma was
sleeping. What a fool, Magus thought. He has power, true, but
when it comes to using that power to do anything but fight, he is
as naive as a child. Why Ukyou would care so deeply for such a
simpleton was beyond the dark sorcerer's knowledge. But care she
did, and Magus intended to fulfill her happiness. With the whole
house magically asleep, Magus felt free to speak a few words
aloud to the sleeping boy, "You would come to thank me for this,
were I ever stupid enough to allow anyone to know what I have
done. You will be happy with Ukyou, and undoubtedly, she with
you. I envy you your happiness." With that, Magus casually doused
Ranma with water from one of his Chiisui-ton vials, locking her
permanently into female form. As a final step, Magus dipped his
finger into a tiny pot of red cream, and smeared a single red
line across Ranma's forehead, just below the bangs of her crimson
hair. The cream shimmered, and then was absorbed by Ranma's skin
without a trace. Magus stood, and gathered all of his magical
materials back into their pockets. It was time to begin phase
three.
   The next morning, Ranma awoke, stretched, and realized that
she was a girl. For most men, this would probably lead to violent
hysteria. To Ranma, however, it was commonplace. She felt around
on her tank top and soon detected the tell-tale moisture that she
knew would be there. "Nabiki," she sighed. Usually Akane's
opportunistic sister had the decency to change her back to normal
once she had taken her 'candid' photos of Ranma's sleeping form.
The first time Nabiki had tried it, Ranma had awoken to find her
bedroll warm and damp. Ranma had been embarrassed, to say the
least. She had been relieved when she found out the truth, so
relieved that she hadn't even been angry at Nabiki. In
retrospect, however, she should have at least asked Nabiki for a
share of the profits she made by selling the photos to Kunou.
   A delicate snore caught her attention. Ranma turned her
attention to the source, and saw Robo, sprawled on the floor in
girl-form, half-buried in her white robe. Her, too? wondered
Ranma. Sure enough, Robo's blue hair looked damp, as was the
collar of her robe. What, had Kunou taken a fancy to her, too?
Ranma grinned in spite of herself. "I shall date thee ALL!" Yup,
Ranma could see that easily enough. Ranma gazed at the sleeping
girl appraisingly. She was pretty cute, Ranma conceded. At least
when she was asleep, and not decking Magus. Ranma shook her head.
Robo'd seemed almost like Akane for a moment there.
   "Hey, Robo!" Ranma called, prodding her.
   "Mrph," Robo replied, curling up in irritation.
   "Wake up!" Ranma insisted.
   "Will you let me sleep?" Robo finally protested, squinting at
Ranma through sleepy eyes. "Wait. What am I doing on the floor?"
Her eyes opened further. "And what am I doing in human form? I
did not go to sleep this way."
   "It was probably Nabiki," Ranma replied, earning a puzzled
look from Robo. Patiently, Ranma described, in length, the depths
to which Nabiki was capable of sinking.
   As Ranma spoke, Robo's irritation grew. By the time she had
finished, Robo was livid. "This is intolerable," she muttered. "I
must have been asleep for nine hours, thanks to her! Six hours
wasted! Six hours that I could have spent on other, more useful
activities-"
   "Like what?" Ranma asked, curious. As far as she knew, there
wasn't much to do in Nerima at 3 a.m.
   "That is not the point!" Robo floundered. Ranma wondered if
Robo even knew what her point was, or whether she was just ticked
off.
   "Come on!" Robo urged, "We must inform Nabiki of the
impropriety of her behavior!" Yup, definitely ticked off. Ranma
didn't think she had ever seen Robo this mad. Not that she had
much time to think, with Robo gripping her wrist like a vice and
half-dragging her out of the room.
   In another part of town, Shampoo was awakening. She stretched
luxuriantly and yawned before curling up again on her warm bed.
What a wonderful night's sleep, she thought to herself. She began
to feel a deep seated rumble spread throughout her body. It was
coming from inside of her. Shampoo's slitted eyes popped open in
alarm, and soon narrowed again in irritation. She was purring.
She must be in cat-form. Now, when could that have happened?
   Oh, well. Great-Grandmother would be along soon enough to open
the door for her, and she would probably bring hot water with
her. She just hoped that Mousse wouldn't be around to slobber all
over her when she transformed.
   Just then, the door swung open. Speak of the devil, thought
Shampoo. Mousse's hair was a mess, and his clothes were rumpled.
He must have spent the night sleeping in front of my door again,
Shampoo concluded. Fool. As usual, Mousse had pushed his glasses
up onto the top of his head, and was squinting at the room like
the blind idiot he was. Oh, well, might as well make the best of
it, thought Shampoo. She meowed softly, trying to get the
lovesick boy's attention.
   Mousse's eyes abruptly focused on a space not too distant from
Shampoo's actual location. "Oh, good morning, Shampoo," Mousse
called out cheerfully. Shampoo was surprised. Normally, Mousse
would have immediately been tripping all over himself trying to
help Shampoo change back to normal. Today, he seemed oddly calm.
"Did you get trapped in this room again?" he asked
sympathetically. Then, to Shampoo's utter shock, Mousse sat down
on the bed and began to pet her.
   Shampoo's fur rose. Just what did he think she was, a cat?
This was not like Mousse at all! Perhaps she had hit Mousse a
little too hard last night. Probably best to have Great-
Grandmother take a look at him. Not that she cared for his
health, of course, she thought hastily. It was just that she
needed him to do his share of the chores.
   Suddenly, to Shampoo's acute embarrassment, she found that her
fur had settled down again, and she was actually purring! The
petting felt wonderful, but she had no intention of allowing it
to continue. Still, relaxed as she was, Shampoo couldn't bring
herself to hiss at Mousse when she shook herself free.
   Mousse followed her out the door. "Would you like some
breakfast, kitty? I think we have some leftover fish for you."
Shampoo seethed. Leftover fish? This was getting very annoying.
Once she changed back, she was going to have a few choice words
to share with Mousse. Shampoo began to run, in an attempt to get
away from the irritating fellow. Mousse made no attempt to stop
her, and was soon out of sight.
   Once in the kitchen, Shampoo leapt up onto the counter near to
the sink. After a few moments of grappling with the hot water
faucet, she determined that she wouldn't be able to turn the
water on by herself. Mousse probably wasn't going to be any help,
and Great-Grandmother was nowhere to be seen. Shampoo scanned the
room. There! On the stove, someone, probably Great-Grandmother,
had started a kettle of water boiling. There was no steam, so the
water probably wasn't boiling yet. If she could just-
   Strong hands closed around her small body. "Now, now, Shampoo.
You know that you're not allowed on the counter. What will the
customers think?" Mousse again. He lifted Shampoo off the
counter, and set her gently on the floor. Idiot! Deluded or not,
Shampoo was sorely tempted to bite him. Fortunately, she resisted
the urge. If Mousse was really distracted enough to think that
she was a cat, then attacking him would probably just get her
kicked out of the kitchen. Far better to change back first, and
then give Mousse a hefty piece of her mind. Shampoo leapt up to
the stove, and pulled the tea kettle down on top of herself.
   Ouch! The water wasn't boiling, but it wasn't cool either.
Shampoo screeched in spite of herself as the hot fluid splashed
over her. Now silent, Shampoo waited for the transformation to
take place. To her horror, absolutely nothing happened.
   At the Tendo home, Nabiki lifted her eyebrows as Ranko
continued her frustrated screaming. Well, this had been quite a
morning. First, Robo drags Ranko in, ranting about pictures and
too much sleep. During Robo's tirade, Nabiki had somehow managed
to figure out that she was accusing her of including her in the
same sort of candid photography that she practiced with Ranko and
Akane. Unfortunately, she had had absolutely no opportunity to
inform Robo that she had the wrong suspect. After a while, the
irritated girl had stomped off to the bathroom to change back
into a robot. For some reason, Ranko had followed. Nabiki had no
idea why. After all, Robo knew where the bathroom was, and was
perfectly capable of operating a faucet by herself. Mere minutes
later, Ranko had begun screaming something unintelligible at the
top of her lungs.
   It wasn't long before Ranko returned to the breakfast table.
Looking very, very unhappy, Ranko blurted, "Dad, it's happened
again! I'm stuck in girl-form!"
   Nabiki froze, and narrowed her eyes. What on earth was Ranko
talking about? To her relief, no one else seemed to know what
Ranko was talking about either. She hated being the only one in
the dark.
   Soun Tendo threw a gaze to the giant panda sitting beside him.
"Saotome. What is your daughter talking about?"
   Genma immediately flipped up a sign that read, [Don't ask me;
I'm just a panda.]
   Now it was Ranko's turn to freeze. "Daughter? What're ya
talkin' about? I'm a guy!"
   Well now, thought Nabiki. This is getting better by the
minute. Ranko had always been a devoted tomboy, but this was the
first time she had ever claimed to be an actual boy.
   "Um, are you all right, Ranko?" asked Akane.
   "Looks like you might've hit her a little too hard last night,
sis," said Nabiki.
   "Ranko?" asked Ranko, looking puzzled. Then she grinned. "Oh,
I get it. Is Auntie Saotome here?" Ranko put on a sickeningly
cute expression. Everyone else just continued staring at her.
   "Auntie Saotome?" asked Kasumi, looking desperately confused
(though no more confused than anyone else was feeling), "Who's
that, Ranko?"
   Now Ranko was starting to look seriously worried. "You know!
Mom! She's not here? What's wrong with everybody?"
   Looking concerned, Crono suggested that Ranko might want to
see a doctor. Ranko looked upset. "Look, there's nothin' wrong
with me, except that I can't change back to normal! I'm a guy!
What's goin' on here?"
   "Ranko, calm down-" Marle began.
   "I don't want to calm down!" Ranko interrupted, beginning to
sound hysterical. "And I'm not Ranko! I'm Ranma, and I'm a guy! A
guy!"
   Akane tried to put a helpful hand on the confused girl's
shoulder, "C'mon Ranko, I think you should see Dr. Tofu."
   Ranko tore free. "Lemme go, ya tomboy! I don't have time to
see a doctor! I've gotta find a way to change--urk!" Akane's
wooden mallet ended Ranko's strange ranting, for the moment
anyway.
   Akane looked very concerned. "Help me carry her." Marle
quickly stepped forward and joined Akane to support the stunned
Ranko as they directed her out the door. Nabiki followed. She,
more than anyone, was eager to see what all the hubbub was about.
   By the time they had reached the good chiropractor's
workplace, Ranko had regained her senses. Unfortunately, her wits
remained totally off kilter, and she was screaming incessantly
for them to let her go so she could change back into a man. She
had to be strapped down to the operating table before Dr. Tofu
could even get close.
   The doctor's expert hands swiftly touched Ranko's body in
several key pressure-points, reducing Ranko to a wonderfully
quiet half-conscious state. As Ranko protested feebly, eyes half-
closed, the doctor took various measurements and performed
several tests. Finally, he turned to Akane and said, "I'm afraid
that I can't find anything wrong with her, physically. Her
temperature is fine. Her blood pressure is up, but that could be
due to her state of agitation. I can't really say more without a
more thorough physical examination, but Ranko seems to be a
perfectly healthy young woman."
   "I'm a man!" Ranko mumbled resentfully.
   Dr. Tofu continued, as though uninterrupted, "I would tend to
imagine that the problem is psychological--though it could have
been triggered by physical trauma." That last was directed at
Akane.
   "Hey, I haven't been hitting her any more than usual!" she
protested. Then she reconsidered. "Well, she did start acting a
little strange after I hit her last night. She was being
thoughtful and helpful while we were trying to figure out who-"
Abruptly, Akane's eyes narrowed, and she skewered Nabiki with a
glance. Marle's eyes, too, had flashed in the older girl's
direction. "Which reminds me, Nabiki. We have a few questions for
you when we get home."
   Nabiki felt vaguely uneasy. She had no idea what her sister
was talking about. However, she hadn't done anything out of the
ordinary lately, and wasn't particularly worried. "You don't
say," she uttered dryly.
   Dr. Tofu, more interested in Akane's recollection than in her
household politics, remarked, "It could well be that Ranko's odd
behavior yesterday is related to the delusion she is under today,
but not necessarily. She's always been a rather extreme tomboy."
   Akane nodded vehemently. "I've never figured out where SHE
gets off calling ME a tomboy!" Suddenly, Akane realized what the
doctor was getting at. "Hey, is this anything like the time Ranko
hit her head and started acting all sweet and nice?"
   Dr. Tofu beamed. "Exactly! Here's my theory: when you hit
Ranko yesterday, she started to return to that nice, sweet girl
persona. Then, for whatever reason, Ranko rebelled against that
and swung completely over into the opposite extreme. So, now she
thinks that she is a man, rather than just a tomboy."
   Akane looked thoughtful. "So, what do we do? Hit her on the
head again?" Akane distractedly lifted her mallet into the air,
causing a wide-eyed Ranko to twitch within her confinement.
   "No, not yet," said the doctor. "This is a slightly different
situation, so I'd advise you to wait a few days. See if she
recovers on her own." Dr. Tofu threw a glance at Ranko and then
leaned forward to whisper to Akane. "Then you can think about
trying to knock some sense back into her." The doctor
straightened again. "For now, I'll just hit a few pressure-points
to keep Ranko calm for an hour or two. Hopefully, by that time
she'll be over her hysteria, at least." Dr. Tofu's skilled
fingers worked their magic again, and Ranko was fully conscious
and back on her feet. It was amazing what a chiropractor of
Tofu's calibre could do. Ranko still looked unhappy, but she
wasn't raving like a lunatic anymore.
   With her thought processes no longer a tangled mess, Ranma was
finally able to think over what had happened. She knew that she
was not Ranko. That was just a name she assumed when her mother
came to visit, to prevent the woman from discovering that her
only son had become a daughter. Her name was Ranma, and until
today had been cursed to change from male to female form when
splashed with cold water. But today, she was unable to change
back again. That had happened on a few occasions before.
Practically the day Ranma had met the old woman, Cologne had
inflicted a pressure-point technique on her that made her unable
to touch warm water. On another occasion, Ranma had been frozen
into girl form by water from the magical bucket Chiisui-ton.
Today was different. Now, everyone seemed to think that she had
always been a girl. No one seemed to know about his curse.
Something wierd was going on.
   Shampoo strained futilely against the chains wrapped tightly
around her feline body. It was her own fault, really. She had
definately overreacted when the pot of hot water failed to return
her to her proper form. Screeching and hissing and scratching and
clawing, it was no wonder that Mousse had thought her fit to be
tied. The boy had then run off to find Great-Grandmother, which
suited Shampoo just fine. Great-Grandmother would be able to
help. She was very wise. She would know what was wrong with her,
and what was wrong with Mousse.
   Meanwhile, Shampoo was uncomfortably immobile. The skin under
her fur felt swollen and puffy where the hot water had scalded
it, and her fur was wet and matted all over. Shampoo loved to
take showers, but absolutely hated water as a cat. It was a trait
she shared with most cats, she supposed. That fact brought her
little comfort.
   Footsteps approached. "Hmm, why did you tie her down, Mousse?"
asked the familiar voice of Great-Grandmother. Shampoo's kitty
heart leapt in her chest with relief.
   "I'm sorry, Great-Granny. She went crazy, and I was afraid
she'd hurt herself," Mousse replied.
   "No matter." Shampoo felt the chains encircling her body
loosen. She stretched luxuriantly, ignoring the soreness of her
skin, and turned a quizzical glance on Great-Grandmother.
   To her slight annoyance, Great-Grandmother carefully touched
Shampoo at various points along her sleek feline form, apparently
checking for injuries. I'm fine, Great-Grandmother, Shampoo
thought angrily. Just help me to change back, will you? To
emphasize her impatience, Shampoo meowed loudly.
   "You say she dragged a pot of hot water over herself? Probably
just some minor burns then. She'll be fine in no time at all. As
for her 'crazy' behavior, I'd say that was probably normal
behavior for a cat who had just been doused with scalding water,
wouldn't you?" Shampoo couldn't believe her ears. Unless this was
some sort of elaborate test, Great-Grandmother seemed to be under
the same spell as Mousse! Shampoo meowed again, a little
desperately this time. No one paid any attention.
   Mousse nodded, a bit sheepishly. "I suppose I'd have been
pretty upset myself. Still, I'm glad she's all right."
   Cologne smiled, a somewhat ghastly expression on her shriveled
old face. "I know how fond you are of Shampoo, but I wouldn't
worry too much. And speaking of fondness for females, how are you
getting along with Lucca?"
   To Shampoo's horror, Mousse grinned broadly, his eyes taking
on the same sort of star-struck look they normally reserved only
for her. "Oh, she's wonderful! She's so sweet, and smart, and
clever, and she really likes me! I think I'll ask her out
tonight!"
   Shampoo felt a strange twisting sensation in her gut. She was
utterly dismayed, but why? It couldn't be jealousy, could it?
Shampoo had always dreamed of getting rid of Mousse! She'd been
so happy when Lucca had arrived to distract her unwanted admirer,
hadn't she?
   Perhaps. But could it be possible that she had only thought
she was happy, secure in the knowledge that no woman would ever
truly turn Mousse away from her? But now, now Mousse seemed to
see her as nothing more than a pet. Now there was nothing to stop
Mousse from finding a more welcoming companion, and he had found
one in Lucca.
   Suddenly, Shampoo felt very lonely. Since she had been a young
girl, Mousse had always been with her, pestering her, doting on
her. Shampoo had managed to lose him for a while when she made
her first attempt to track down and kill the red-headed girl who
had made a fool of her in her own home village. Shampoo had found
her, but had also found love, love in the form of Ranma Saotome,
the only man who had ever been able to defeat her in combat.
Shampoo had been utterly heartbroken when she learned that the
two were one and the same. The trek home had been a long and
lonely one, and Shampoo had found herself wishing for even Mousse
to keep her company. The desire had seemed strange then, but now
it seemed more sensible. Shampoo felt bruised, discarded,
undesirable. She wanted Mousse to want her again!
   Shampoo voiced her anguish with a plaintive meow. This time,
she caught Great-Grandmother's attention. "Mousse, perhaps you
should let Shampoo outside. She may wish to find some secluded
area in which to lick her wounds." Before Shampoo could protest,
Mousse had picked her up and carried her outside. The door closed
behind her as Mousse stepped back inside. The sky looked cloudy,
and threatened rain. Shampoo was on her own. Or was she?
   Ranma! Of course! He would be able to help. He could overcome
any challenge put to him (except, possibly, the challenge to
choose a wife from among his many fiancees). Shampoo
optimistically began to run across town to the Tendo home,
conveniently forgetting the one big reason that this was a bad
idea.
   Shampoo leapt up onto the Tendo fence. There was Ranma sitting
cross-legged on the ground in the middle of the yard, apparently
sulking. She was in girl-form, at the moment. Shampoo dashed
across the yard to her, and began to rub lovingly against her
leg.
   Ranma chose that moment to remind Shampoo of the main reason
her hope was doomed. "A-A C-C-CAT!!!!" She screamed, leaping to
her feet and running blindly. The terrified girl slammed into the
side of the house, knocking herself out cold. Shampoo felt rather
sheepish.
   A few seconds later, Kasumi and Nabiki walked out of the
house. Kasumi turned a mildly stern gaze onto Shampoo and said.
"Naughty kitty! You know that you aren't supposed to be here. You
frighten poor Ranko. Now, shoo! Shoo!"
   Nabiki sighed with amusement. "Of all the people in Nerima, I
wonder why that stupid cat took a liking to the one person with a
pathological fear of felines. Oh, well, no accounting for taste."
Kasumi and Nabiki gently, but firmly, evicted Shampoo from the
Tendo property.
   Shampoo was too stunned to resist. Nabiki and Kasumi evidently
also thought she was just a cat. If they did and Mousse and
Great-Grandmother did, who was to say that anyone else would
remember Shampoo's true identity? Why should Ranma remember? Rain
began to fall from the sky, lightly at first, but soon by the
bucketful. Shampoo felt more lonely than she ever had before.
   On the wet sidewalk just outside of the Tendo property, a
soggy kitty began to howl with grief. But no one cared.

Afterword:
   I know that there have been times that Ranma has thought that
he/she was a girl, and I know there have been times that Ranma
has been stuck in girl-form. However, to my knowledge, Ranma has
never been stuck in girl-form with everyone else thinking that
her true shape! See, originality is not dead! And, if I'm wrong,
and someone has used this idea before, I will go and quietly
throw up.
   I have no idea exactly what the layout is of the Neko Hanten.
I'm not even positive that Cologne, Shampoo, and Mousse make
their home there. I hope that my educated guesses came close to
the mark.
   Another warning: I may be going out on a limb here. My only
sources regarding Chiisui-ton and Kaisui-fu are fanfics, and the
brief descriptions of them found on the Ranma 1/2 Universe
Homepage. Then again, between those two, there's a whole lotta
info to be had...

Chrono Trigger Tip #14:
   I want to reconcile Marle with her father. What do I need to
do?
   Well, you've probably discovered by now that the Chancellor is
not a particularly wholesome fellow. Aside from the fact that he
tried to execute Crono early in the game, he's also been giving
Marle rotten advice (he advises Marle to present a gift of high-
cholesterol Jerky to her father, in spite of his high blood-
pressure), and insidiously disruptive misinformation (he told
Marle that her father had been too busy with affairs of state to
speak with her dying mother). Even worse, once you've recovered
the Rainbow Shell, the Chancellor puts the King on trial,
accusing him of selling it (a national treasure) for personal
gain. It's up to you to find the Rainbow Shell before the King is
found guilty, and return with proof. If you go to the right-hand
staircase at the ground level of the castle, you will find a new
staircase leading downward. This leads to the Treasury, where you
overhear a couple of the Chancellor's hired Monsters spill the
beans regarding the evil plot. Fight your way to the Treasury,
and you find the Rainbow Shell. It's still too heavy to lift, but
there is a shard of shell that has broken free. Collect it, and
return to the Court where Marle's father is on trial. When the
Chancellor sees his plan foiled, he sheds his disguise, revealing
himself to be a direct descendant of the very same monster that
kidnaped Marle's great-grandmother 400 years before. When you
defeat him, Marle and her father have a tearful reunion, where
the truth behind her mother's death is revealed.
   Oh, and the Mindlessly Obsessive will notice that the former
Chancellor drops a key when you defeat him. You can use that key
to free the real Chancellor, who is locked in a chest in the
castle (how he managed to survive for months locked in that chest
is anyone's guess). Can't win the game without freeing the
Chancellor! It just wouldn't be right.
