The Brothers Saotome -- A Self-Insert Anime Fanfiction Multi-Crossover {Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, Gold Digger, etc.} Disclaimer: Aside from the characters that my friends and I portray, all characters, references to other anime series, etc. are property of their respective owners. Don't bother trying to sue me, I'm broke.... Chapter 1: "Magic! A Way of Life!" ()- other languages, FYI's ~~- thoughts <>- Sound effects **- Written Dialogue *********** (Nerima, 10 years later) It was raining that day in Nerima. A steady downpour of raindrops fell in continuous sheets so thick one could barely see anything more than 5 feet ahead of them. Through this deluge slogged four people, two small animals, a large hulking shape, and a partidge in a pear tree. "You know," spoke one figure who was sporting a tail and a pair of cat ears atop her head, "maybe we should get some hot water first. I don't think it would be the best idea to meet the people we're going to be living with for awhile in our cursed forms. I mean, it's probably best not to freak them out, right?" "Maybe, maybe not. If we do freak them out, we just might get out of this mess scot-free." spoke a redhaired girl with her hair in a pigtail. Riding on her shoulder was a small tiger cub, which pulled out a wooden sign after the girl spoke. *I wouldn't think so, Bro. For all we know, they may very well LIKE that sort of thing.* The 'cat-girl' sighed. "Guys, guys. We're going about this all the wrong way. They might actually be, you know... NICE PEOPLE!" "Well, you gotta keep in mind, Pops set this whole thing up, and you know what he thinks with." "Yeah. His stomach. Nevertheless, just because he and his friends set it up, doesn't mean it has to be all their decision. Remember, it's up to us, right?" *If he sets it up, he's going to EXPECT us to go through with it, never mind the fact that we have the right to say no.* "So are you saying that either me or Ken couldn't POSSIBLY find someone we like amongst three girls?" *Yeah, three girls who we know nothing about, don't know what they like, and for all we know might be something else entirely.* "That's kinda the point of us staying there though, isn't it?" *Alright, Duo. You've got my vote at least. But at the first sign that things are going sour, we're heading out. You with me, Bro?* "Mmm-hmm." The panda turned around and addressed the group via Panda sign. *Come on, boys. We gotta get going, or we won't make it to the dojo in time.* "Wait, we gotta get hot water first!" *Why? Tendo will remember me just fine. After all, we're old friends!* "How would he remember you? I don't think you had THIS much hair back then." The redhead spoke up in a somewhat sagely voice. "Duo, you're going about this all wrong. There's only one way to get Pop to see the light." The cat-girl turned to the red-head. "You're absolutely right, Ranma." "Ladies, present tools of enlightenment." Two of the shapes in the donwpour suddenly produced a pair of bonbori and a oversized spatula. "AND, FORWARD... THWOK!!!" *THWOK!* The large hulking panda was sent flying skyward. "Hmm... maybe he set some kind of record." "Yeah, he could set a distance record in the shot-put panda." The girl wielding the spatula looked at the two girls. "You boys really like beating up on your father don't you?" "EXACTLY!" *** Meanwhile, inside the Tendo House, Soun was looking over a postcard, the front of which was covered in a picture straight out of a zoo. It showed a panda with a ferret sitting on its head, standing by a girl in Catgirl cosplay. Next to her was a redheaded girl and a girl wearing a gigantic spatula on her back. On his other side was a girl with long purple hair holding a tiger cub in her arms. On the back were written the words "Tendo. Will be arriving in China soon. Bringing sons and other guests. -Saotome." Soun looked up, tears streaming down his face. "At last. Today is the day!" He turned and shouted towards the house "Kasumi! Nabiki! Akane! Family meeting!" *** (5 Minutes Later) "WHAT!!!?" Was the cry from three female throats. Akane looked furious, still dressed in her familiar yellow gi. Nabiki looked at Soun with her usual cynical look, while Kasumi just shook her head sadly. "Daddy, do you mean to tell me that you engaged one of us to someone that you don't even know and have never even met?" "Why, yes. That's the point of it, exactly." Fortunately for Soun, the doorbell rang before anything else could happen. "Oh, that must be them." Soun was immediately up and running. Surprisingly enough, Nabiki wasn't far behind him. Kasumi sighed sadly and, picking up her skirt, followed as well. Akane steadfastly refused to do so. That is, at least, until the commotion started... *** Soun opened the door, and was greeted to the sight of a young lady with brown hair, dressed in a girls tuxedo. Next to her stood a very cute purple-haired girl in a formfitting chinese dress. He blinked. "Can I... help you?" As soon as he spoke, the front yard lit up with stage lights and circus music. At that point, Ukyo smiled and bowed deeply. "Hello, hello, and welcome to the Saotome Magic Act. I'm your chief entertainer for today, Ukyo Kuonji, and this is my lovely assistant, hailing all the way from China. Take a bow, miss Xian-Pu." "Nihao." "Now that intros are out of the way, on with the act." Shampoo produced from behind her back a small tiger cub and placed it on the ground before Ukyo. "It looks like a regular ordinary Tiger Cub." "Mew." "But with a small application of water, an enchantment from my magic wand, and the secret words..." Ukyo produced a bucket of water, waved a wand over it, and dumped it on the cub. "ABRACA-POCUS!" The water landed on the cub, and before the eyes of all those involved, the cub transformed into a naked teenage boy. Ukyo winked at the Tendo sisters. "Free show, of no charge to you." Akane was in shock. Kasumi put her hands over her eyes, whispering "Oh my." Nabiki smirked and looked the boy up and down. "Not bad." she muttered. The young man looked down at himself, and cried out. "ACK!" He instantly produced a sign, seemingly from nowhere, and used it to cover himself. On the front were written the words "Under 16 Not Admitted." He then bowed. "It's weird but...it's a living." He turned to leave, and the girls noticed that he was covering his rear with another sign, the words "No Entry" being prominent on this one. "Up next, a similar act. I hope you folks are paying close attention now. Please, if you will, take a gander at this cute and adorable little ferret. Isn't it cute, folks?" *Squeak* "And, just as before (just so you know, it's not a trick), with a wave of my magic wand, and the secret words: ABRACA-POCUS!" Once again, a bucket of water was poured, and once again, the creature transformed into a teenage boy. By this time, Shampoo had erected a curtain across the doorway, protecting the young man's modesty. He bowed also then left. "And now, finally, my greatest trick. This one's a bit difficult folks, so if I might have a volunteer." Shampoo quickly walked up to Kasumi, and, taking her arm, gently led her over to where Ukyo was standing next to a giant panda. "Now, if you will, this one's going to need a little bit of concentration to make this one work. If everyone will concentrate closely, please..." Shampoo handed Kasumi a bucket of water, and gestured for her to pour it over the panda. Kasumi looked around for a second, then acquiesced and dumped the water on its head. "ABRACA-POCUS!" Ukyo cried. And, before the eyes of everyone present, the panda transformed into a middle-aged man. Soun's eyes bulged out of their sockets as he recognized his old friend. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you've had a fabulous time." At that point, two redheaded girls, one with some very feline features, jumped in front of everyone, and posed cutely. "See ya next time!" they cried, and tossed a pair of water glasses up into the air. The entire group froze as the glasses came down and landed on the heads of the two girls, causing them to transform into, you guessed it, a pair of teenage boys. Everyone watched in stunned silence as some curtains dropped over the front of the little circus group. Finally Kasumi began to clap enthusiastically, a big smile on her face. Nabiki joined her, looking more sarcastic than anything, and Soun eventually followed nervously. Meanwhile, Akane was sitting in the doorway, muttering "IhateboysIhateboysIhateboys..." repeatedly. The curtain pulled away, revealing the entire group, who bowed grandly. Nabiki began looking at the four young men at her door in the same fashion that a jeweler would to a precious stone. Each of the boys wore a similar set of clothing (a sleeveless shirt and baggy pants), but each of their outfits were different in some ways from the others'. The boy who currently had an arm glomped by Shampoo wore a black dress shirt over a green one like an unbuttoned jacket, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His dark brown hair went to the middle of his shoulder-blades and was worn in a single braid. "I'm Ryu. Nice to know ya." The one to the left of him had a purple shirt instead of a green one, wore his reddish-brown hair in a thick braid that went all the way to his waist. He also wore a pair of red-tinted pince-nez glasses as well as what looked to be... cat ears on his head? "Forgive our rude intrusion," he said in a calm voice. "I'm Duo." He waved, and she noticed the way his fingernails tapered to points. She nodded mentally, claws would be fitting with a 'cat-boy' image he seemed to be trying to project via cosplay. Nabiki decided this Duo must be the eccentric one. There was one in every family, after all. The last had the shortest hair length of the group, a sky blue shirt and a small silver pendant in the shape of a dragon. Of all of them, he alone returned Nabiki's interested gaze. "Hi. The name's Ken." Nabiki was impressed at how well-built and handsome they all were, and knew that several of the other girls at school would think so as well. That was before the one who'd introduced himself as Ryu stood up grandiosely. "Yes, yes. Thank you very much. I'm here 'till- mmmfffmmmfffmmmfff!" "Save that for Shampoo." muttered Ken. "You're right. My talents should be reserved for my biggest fan." "Oh Ryu! Shampoo so happy!" the young purple-haired girl exclaimed as she glomped onto Ryu even tighter. "Yeah. He could use all the acting skills he can get." muttered the teenage boy with the feline ears. "I heard that Duo." "Daddy... These people are weird." Nabiki said. All four boys turned to her, smiling broadly, and spoke. "Flattery will get you nowhere!" Soun finally came out of his trance, and spoke to Genma. "Saotome, old friend! What an interesting way of introducing your family." Genma chuckled. "Well, Tendo, it's just due to my individual skills of imagination and creativity." Suddenly, Genma was blown away by Ryu yelling through a megaphone, "DOOOOON'T YOUUUU BELIEVE IIIIIIT!!!!!!" Ranma sighed. "Actually, we thought up the act. He just takes credit for it." Genma facefaulted. Soun continued. "Oh, wait. Where are my manners. Please come in, we have much to discuss." Ryu nodded. "Right. Like how to cancel this." "Ryu, shush. Don't be rude." Ukyo whispered. "I have to. That's my nature." After the Saotomes and Tendos sat down at the dining room table, Ukyo proceeded to tell the story of Jusenkyo, everyone's cursed forms, and the Chinese Amazon's arrival into the group. ****** (Ucchan's POV) It was early morning when we arrived at the springs, and the guide there wasted no time in starting the tour. "Ah. Here sirs we come to famous cursed training grounds, Jusenkyo!" "Don't you mean sirs and ma’ams?" I said, kinda miffed that he didn't seem to notice that I was there. "Ah, too too Sorry. Too used to sirs and ma’ams coming separately. Never come in mixed groups." Before the Guide could continue, however, the boys shed their backpacks and began to spar with one another on top of the bamboo poles. "Wait, sirs! I have not yet finished my tragic story!" The Guide called out to the four of them, who by this time had split off into two different groups and began fighting on different sides of the spring. The old man and I watched them go from the side lines for a short time till ran up to the edge of the pools shouting something at them. "Sirs! Is very bad you fall in spring! Get ancient curse of-", Both groups had dashed past each other as they switched their battlefields, both too far away to hear the Guide’s warnings at all. "No! Honored customers! Please, no fall in spring!” "Why is that?” I asked him, now a little bit worried. The Guide turned to me with a look of fear in his eyes. "Because, ma’am, whoever fall in spring take body of whatever last drown there. Oo, Terrible tragedy…" That info left me frozen for about a good second…then…I panicked. "RANCHAN! GET AWAY FROM THERE!" Ranma-honey managed to hear me, but it was still too little, too late. When he turned to find out what I was screaming about, Ryu managed to get a solid punch in that sent Ranma-honey flying towards Ken and Duo. Around the same time, Ken and Duo went through a similar situation except that both of them knocked each other away at the same time. So as a result, Ken fell into a spring by himself while Ranma-honey and Duo collided in mid-air and did the same. And just when it looked like Ryu would get out of it unscathed he ended falling in one too ‘cause the pole he had landed on had rotted through and gave out from under him. Everything was dead quiet for a few seconds, then two bodies rose out of the spring that Duo and Ranma fell in. Two FEMALE bodies…… "What the hell happened?", They said at once. Then they turned to each other and said, "Why do you have...?" Suddenly one of the redheads starts losing it, while the other practically ripped her top open and began shouting at how stacked she was. Around that time, two shapes had crawled out of the pools that Ken and Ryu fell in…… ******* Ryu chose at that moment to interrupt Ukyo’s retelling. “Those two forms ended up being a tiger cub(me) and a ferret(Ken)…” Suddenly Ryu’s explanation was cut short by Ukyo’s Battle Spatula thwacking into his skull. “Don’t interrupt me you jackass! I’m telling the story here!” The eldest Saotome sibling rubbed his aching head. “Then tell it already…” Sighing, Ukyo continued her explanation of the brothers’ amazing and downright weird curses. “Well, to make a long story short…after I got over my surprise at what had happened, I ended up taking out my frustrations on Pop, which knocked him and Ryu into another spring. Ryu ended up gaining the wings of an eagle, and Pop became a panda.” Nabiki, who up till now had been paying rapt attention to the story, decided to speak up. “Hang on a sec…Ken’s other form has wings too. Doesn’t that mean that he was hit into another spring as well?” “Yea…” Akane said, as if realizing something. “And what about Duo? Ukyo nodded and continued her tale. “Well, after Duo saw what happened to Ryu, he just up and cannonballed into the spring that Ryu had fallen in…and gained those cat ears you see on him.” The Tendos turned to Duo, who grinned and replied, “I didn’t say they were fake, now did I?” “OK……and what about Ken?” Nabiki asked, noticing Ukyo had trailed off from her explanation. Blushing, Ukyo lowered her head and mumbled out, “It…was my fault, actually… I kinda kicked him away into the Spring of Drowned Bat after mistaking him for a rat…” She was unable to say anymore since she was currently hiding her face in her hands, embarassed out of her mind. Smiling, Ryu sat up and continued the story for her. "Well anyway, picking up from where Ucchan left off...after we all learned of the trigger for the curses and changed back, the six of us began making our way back to Japan. But since we were short on provisions, we were led by the Guide to a nearby village hidden within the valley of the mountain... ***** (Ryu's POV) "Here sirs we come to amazon village, Niechezu." The Guide said holding up a sign with the same name. "Neechee, what?" Ranma replied. "Is that some kinda food?" The Guide shook his head. "Be very very careful, sirs. Is village of warrior womans." Ken grinned. "Sweet. Babes who fight. That's a first..." Ken was suddenly cut off as a battle spatula beaned him across the noggin. "..Oops. My mistake. Sorry Ukyo." The Guide suddenly brightened up and pointed to a crowd of people centered around a large log suspended in the air by tethers. "Oo, sirs, we in luck. We get to watch here very special event. Annual tournament for amazon warriors. Winner is proclaimed greatest in village and gets great feast." My siblings and I perked up at the sound of a fight, and turned to look at the current match between a purple-haired girl wielding a pair of bonbori and a..a..well, something that *kinda* looked female, wielding a mace. Apparently I wasn't the only one to notice the oddities of one of the combatants. "THAT'S A WOMAN!?" Ranma exclaimed, pointing at the one wielding the mace. The Guide then pointed at the purple-haired girl. "There, that one more pretty, no?" When I first got a good look at Shampoo, I could not help but agree. ~Now THAT'S more like it.~ Ranma shrugged. "Yea, I guess so." Suddenly, Duo started looking around frantically for something. "Wait a minute. You said there was a feast, right?" the catboy asked the Guide. The Guide nodded. "Oh yes, sirs. Very large feast." Around that time Ken and I realized what Duo was getting at. "Oh shit. Guys, find Pop!" I said, looking in random directions also. "There!" Ken exclaimed, pointing. "Over at that big table... which is rapidly emptying..." The three of us looked to each other, nodded, and proceeded to group tackle Pop away from the remainder of the feast. "LET ME GO! I MUST EAT! I HAVEN'T EATEN IN DAYS!" Pop screamed, which inadvertently drew attention away from the last bits of the ongoing match and onto us. "That's fine, Pop, were it not the fact that THIS MEAL'S ALREADY SPOKEN FOR!!!" Ken shouted back, pointing to a sign next to the table. Pop actually stopped flailing for a second and took a long look at the sign, shrugged and said, "What? It just says something in chinese." Duo was about to reveal what it said but the Guide beat him to it. "Ooo, sirs! That say first prize!" "WE KNOW!!" We all shouted, blowing the Guide away. Suddenly, a baby-doll pitched voice shouting in Chinese joined the cacophony, followed by a bonbori landing solidly in the space where my nads had been a few seconds earlier. I blinked. "Hey! Watch where you're throwing that thing! You could hurt somebody!" The owner of the voice, Shampoo, walked up to the rest of us holding her other bonbori ready to strike. ("What are you all doing, eating MY victory feast like YOU have won this Tournament?!") "...." I quickly replied. "Look, I don't know what you just said, but I get the feeling it has to do with this whole tournament, right?" I called up the Guide and asked him to translate for the two of us. He did, and soon a choice was placed before us. Either we let these Chinese Amazons have their way with Pop(which entailed much more than a simple beatdown), or one of us goes up against the current champion in a one-on-one matchup. As much as I wanted to just let Pop reap what he had sown, I knew Mom would be upset if we returned without him. "Well guys, I guess the only thing left to do is pick who's gonna pull Pop's ass out of the pan..." I said, looking at the others. "The usual way?" All four of us nodded and proceeded to choose our "champion". "JAN-KEN-POW!" ***** (Five minutes later...) Because Pop was always making messes for us to clean up, the four of us(and Ukyo on occasion) played a quick Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who'd be the one to do what was needed to rescue the old man. First one to three wins, wins. I made it first... "Ok, miss...It's time to throw down with the best of 'em!" I said to Shampoo, taking my place on the challenge log. She 'hmph'ed and took her place on the opposing side. At the signal, she lunged at me hoping to knock me off quickly, but it only ended up making her lose that much sooner. Ducking under her swing, I used my momentum to sweep one of her feet out from under her, causing her to turn sideways in a desperate attempt to regain her balance. I quickly finished that same spin, using my momentum to bring my fist around in a backhand strike directly to her shoulderblades just as she was getting up. Unfortunately, I overestimated her ability to resist the force of my punch, and the momentum flung her off the Challenge Log, over the crowd, and through the roof of the village bathhouse. I blushed a bit. "Whoops...put too much power in that one..." As I got off the Challenge Log, Shampoo stumbled out of the bathhouse and made her way towards me slowly. She was sopping wet, a fact which gave reason to the fact her sizable tits were easily viewable through her white blouse and bra. So stunned was I at this imprompto peep show that when she embraced me I offered no resistance. Equation of what happened next: MOV --- = KoM(*) FA Now, truth be told, I had actually never kissed a girl (aside from Mom) before my fight with Shampoo. But when she went through with the Kiss of Marriage, I was shown just what I had been missing out on (Damn she can osculate!) But like with Bro and Ucchan years before, Duo got me out of being married to her on the spot by suggesting that she come with us since we were on a training trip. She did, and soon I got used to Shampoo hanging onto me most of the time. (Although one of these days I'm going to have to point out to her in no uncertain terms that there is no real superior gender.) ******** Once we finished playing the Tendo's version of 20 Questions, Akane (or as I sometimes call her, Hurricane Tomboy) challenged us all to a fight. Our response was quick... all four of us fell to the floor howling with laughter. "And just what's so funny about that?!?!" Akane all but shouted. Since we were indisposed by laughing so hard, Ukyo answered for us. "Basically, the boys are able to judge another's skill level by looking at them, so I think they don't see you as much of a threat, Hon'..." In the end, we accepted her challenge and followed the still fuming Akane to the Dojo and proceeded to give her a free lesson in humility courtesy of the Saotome School of Hard Knocks. *** (*)For those of you who haven't taken Anime Physics, this equation is meant to say: "Male Outsider Victory(MOV) over(---) Female(F) Amazon(A) equals(=) Kiss of Marriage(KoM)." *** Akane stood in a ready stance. "All right. Who's first?" Ken stepped up. "I'll go." "Okay. I'll try not to bruise you too badly." Ken simply smirked and stood in what *appeared* to be a ready stance. "We'll see about that." Duo stood, holding his hand between them like a referee. "Three falls or knockout are the rules. No unnecessarily dangerous techniques. Both ready?" They both nodded, and he lifted his hand and stepped away. Without another word, Akane launched herself at Ken, fist extended for a punch... only to find herself hitting the floor as Ken simply stepped to the side, leaving his foot out for Akane to trip over. Ken stood there and adopted what the guys had learned to recognize as his "I'm better than you" smirk. "That's gonna sting tomorrow..." Getting to her feet, Akane once again launched herself at Ken. This time, she jumped into a flying kick... only to find herself once again eating floorboard as Ken simply smiled and grabbed her ankle, then used the momentum she already had to bring her face-first into the floor. "You know, you might wanna put some ice on that... it'll probably help with the swelling." Akane realized at this point that he was referring to the large bruise that would soon be covering the right side of her face. Getting to her feet, she once again launched herself at Ken with violence in her eyes. This time, Ken got an absolutely *EVIL* grin on his face and, dodging around Akane as she flew past him, grabbed her and gave her the world's biggest atomic wedgie! "Heh... he's really having fun with this one..." This from Ryu and Duo as the two of them watched from the sidelines. Akane was staggering around wildly, as was understandable by the fact that her panties were now firmly attached to her shoulder blades. It took her several minutes to extricate herself from her own undergarments, but once she did, she darted towards Ken, fist extended for a punch, only to have it dart downward and snatch at the dragon necklace at the last instance. However, as soon as her fist closed around the emblem, she found it enclosed in Ken's vice-like grip. "Uhhh... This could hurt..." Ryu commented. "This should be interesting..." said Duo. Looking up, Akane couldn't help but notice the intense expression on Ken's face. "No." Ken's fist caught Akane right in the solar plexus, knocking her down and ending the sparring match. Ken stood up slowly and began walking out the door, turning back only to comment "I'll see you guys inside. I need a bath." *** After Akane recovered, Ranma was elected to be her next opponent. She struck first, as her interpretation of the Tendo Anything Goes school dictated. Naturally, Ranma wouldn't just stand still and be hit. He dodged each attack that Akane sent his way with minimal effort, while analyzing her offensive patterns and defensive shortcomings. His mind worked swiftly, and provided him with a tactical solution. As he dodged, he began leading her to one of the far walls of the dojo. Once there, Ranma quickly spun to the side from one of Akane's punches and then used the momentum in a roundhouse which flung Akane into the wall hard, knocking her out. His brothers applauded his strategy during the fight. "Well done, Bro." "Nice move." *** Due to her having been beaten twice in a row so far, Ryu had started to feel a bit of pity for Akane and gave her the chance to withdraw from his and Duo's match with her. Unfortunately, Akane's wounded pride didn't know the meaning of the word 'surrender' and his offer only served to piss her off. "There's no way that I'm gonna give in to any of you without a fight!" " Alright Miss Tendo, if you'd rather leave this dojo with bruises instead of what little dignity you have left then I have no choice," Ryu said before dodging a single punch from Akane, grabbing her by the front of her gi and sending her to the ground skull-first in a perfectly executed Northern Light Bomb. It would be five minutes before she came out of her daze. *** Duo was hesitant about going into this fight, and offered to let her rest up before their match. "After all," he reasoned to her, "the purpose of sparring is to practice and learn - and I really don't see how I could learn anything from you when you can't fight your best." Akane was still rather hazy from the knock she took at Ryu's hands, and could only pick out a few words of his offer: "...don't...learn...can't fight..." It was perhaps understandable, given such a misunderstanding, that she would lose her cool. This changed Duo's situation not a whit, however, as he was forced onto the defensive. "Hey!" *dodge* "Cool it!" *parry* "I said knock it off!" "That's the idea, jerk!" she yelled back, taking a swing at his midsection. He somersaulted over her extended fist and kicked off the back of her head, sending her face into the floorboards. She stood and charged again, intending to cross him up with a flying roundhouse heel kick. Not a very intelligent move, as attacks like that are easily read, but she wasn't exactly in an intelligent mindset at the moment. Duo easily ducked her attacking leg, backflipped, and brought one foot into her left shoulderblade as she passed. Akane was ready for the counter this time, and hit the floor rolling. She wasn't prepared for her foe to take the offensive, however, and had turned around just in time to take both of his forearms in the chest as he pounced her. She hit the boards on her back, and shortly saw Duo standing over her, smiling and offering a hand up. "That's three falls. Good spar, Miss Tendo. Next time, though, you should probably wait to see what your opponent's going to do before attacking." Akane blinked, still trying to clear her head. Then she frowned. A boy had just beat her? In her own family's dojo? And was criticizing her fighting ability? The frown became an angry scowl. How dare he! Her foot went straight towards every male's weak point. Good thing it never reached its target, having been caught by Duo's knees. "Oh no. No you did NOT just try to rack me just because you lost a sparring match!" Duo growled. This was one of his pet peeves; anyone who went for the groin-shot without good reason got a large black spot on their record in Duo's book. He shoved her with a foot, making her slide across the smooth floor like a shuffleboard puck. She slowed to a stop on the far side of the dojo, opposite the door to the house. "I really am disappointed. You said you were a martial artist, so I expected at least some adherence to the rules for a simple sparring match. You took three falls, which means you LOST. Big deal! Get over it! Sparring isn't about who wins, it's about learning from your opponent. "I was being polite before, being a guest in your home and all, but it's 'cold, hard truth' time. You aren't acting like the martial artist you claimed to be. The Art is more than hitting; mental discipline and self-control are what seperate the martial arts from simple fighting. You have a great deal of skill in the physical stuff, that much I'll agree to. But unless you discipline your mind as well, you've only got half the puzzle finished." He turned and headed for the hallway, muttering, "And to think, I was the one who stuck up for them..." *** After we made Akane eat crow, and I used a little Ki technique I knew to fix the headache she'd acquired from my attack(2), the four of us headed up to the bathroom so that we could stay loose for what we all knew was heading our way. Pop was obviously going to try to match up all three Tendo girls with us and automatically expect us to follow through with it - never mind the fact that he'd be short two sons, since none of us would take on a second fiancee. Little did we know that we were about to be the newest targets of the dreaded 'Tendo Mallet-o-Doom'. We found out later that, after all of us entered the bathroom AND put out the occupancy sign, Nabiki removed said occupancy sign from the door and left to inform her little sister that the bath was ready for her. According to her, she'd been trying to embarass her little sister. Inside, the four of us were each taking our turns to use the buckets and soap. Duo and Ranma were in their cursed forms at the time, and Ken and I took the opportunity to rib them about it. "You know, girls, you might wanna wait until the guys have finished bathing before you start." Ken remarked with a smirk. Duo chuckled, deliberately turning her back on them. "Why? You know you like staring at my... tail, anyway." She punctuated her teasing with a wave of the aforementioned appendage. "True, but that's beside the point." "Really? I thought the point was behind!" Ken sighed and let his head drop. "I concede the match." Duo simply smirked. "Umm... could you guys stop that?" Ranma asked, red as a tomato. Ryu grinned. "Why, Bro? It's not like we mean any of it." "Because I asked you to. Shouldn't that be enough?" Duo shook his head. "Not to be rude or anything, but to put it frankly... no." Ken shook his head and sighed. "Ranma, I've about had enough of this." "What?" "Your repeated rejection of reality, and the way you continually fight against something that cannot be changed." Duo finished for him. "Ever since you got your curse, you've never adjusted to it and accepted it as what it truly is." "That's not true!" Ken smirked. "Oh, really?" He turned to Duo. "Would you mind helping me with an object lesson?" Duo shrugged. "Sure." Ken smiled. "Thanks." He turned to Ranma. "All right, then. I'll prove it." And, quick as a flash, his hand flew out and grabbed onto Ranma's exposed breast. The reaction was almost instantaneous. "PERVERT!" It took Ken a few minutes to bring himself back to reality. Once he had, however, he then turned to Duo and repeated the gesture on Duo's own furry bust. Duo's only reply was a few seconds of silence, followed by "Your technique needs work." Ken released Duo's breast, then turned back to Ranma and simply raised an eyebrow. "Still say you've accepted your curse?" "..." "I mean, really!" Duo interjected, sighing as she slid into the hot soaking tub and became a he. "Women really appreciate a guy who knows his way around a woman's body. How better to learn what works than to try it on yourself? Trust me, it's well worth the potential embarassment." "But... you just let Ken feel you up! That's just... sick!" "It would be if it weren't for the fact that he was only trying to prove a point. But, do you get the point we were trying to make?" "Yeah, I guess. But it's still creepy when you tease people like that." "Patience, Grasshopper," Duo said, in his best 'Kung Fu Master' voice, "In time, you will learn to lighten up." "Yeah yeah. Scoot over, will ya?" But just as Ranma was about to join us in the furo and return to male status, the door slid open and Akane entered the bath with only a towel covering her girlish assets. And so it was a few minutes later, when the quiet of the late afternoon was broken by a single shriek of rage. "DIE YOU PERVERTS!!!!" To say that Akane was pissed would be just like saying the universe was big. It just didn't even begin to describe it. But at the time we were more concerned about keeping ourselves alive then finding words to describe Akane's emotional state. That was because Akane had produced that mallet of hers and was chasing us down, murderous intent clearly on her mind. Lucky for us Ukyo was around one of the many corners we turned with her giant spatula resting on her shoulder. As we ran past.... "Hey boys, what's the..." " ...rush?" Since Akane was only seeing red at the moment, she plowed straight through anything that got in her way up until she met the broad side of Ucchan's spatula face first. ************ PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER: Ryu: Hey everybody! Ryu here. On the next chapter of 'The Brothers Saotome', we deal with the whole 'marriage business', and all of us head for our first day at Furinkan High. Guess who we meet there? ------------------ "In all my days spent here at fair Furinkan, never have I gazed upon such a radiant creature as thou..." That's about as far as he got before Shampoo's bonbori sent him to la-la land. "Hmph. Stick-Boy not know how keep priority straight." ------------------ Not to mention this: "Aloha everybody! Me da new Principal!" All this and some more in the next chapter: Kunos, Kunos Everywhere! We'll see you there!