Nuriko.

How did I even drag myself out of bed? Unbelievable. I can't even...I can't even understand it. It's like...like my mind has shut down. Everything I ever knew, everything I ever felt, everything I ever understood...it's nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. It's snow. Melted. Gone. Sliding down the side of a mountain to where I'll never see it again. It's air. Can't see it, can't touch it...it's blown away.

So, what can I do? Sit here. Stare up at the ceiling...and remember.

Your smile. Your laughter. Everything about you. Everything you changed in me.

We always teased you. Hell, it was easy--gay boy. Crossdresser. Easy mark. But, you...you never got angry about it. Aw, hell, you knocked us into walls every now and then...but that was expected. Reflex. Just like us teasing you--reflex. It was fun...not because of what it was, but because of what YOU were. You were someone we loved. And, you were so strong. Not just physically, either, though I'm sure nobody doubts that you were. The magic wasn't in those damn bracelets, Nuriko--it was in YOU. It took me so damn long to figure it out, but that was it--Taitsu-kun, the old bag...she didn't GIVE us anything. She just made it so we could reach the power we had within ourselves all along.

I don't know what went on during that last fight. Hell, I wasn't there--nobody was. So, I guess nobody'll ever know...but damn, man, you killed a wolfman! And, from what I saw, it was after he stuck his fucking claws through your chest! Damn it. I mean, gods, THAT'S strength. What'd you do, Nuriko? Rip those claws right out of you and snap his neck? Whatever you did...damn, I can't believe you were strong enough to do it. Or, maybe I can. Yeah. Maybe I can. But, I don't know if I could ever've done it...or if any of us could've.

I still have this urge to go run and check and make sure that you're not sitting out there around the campfire with Tamahome and Miaka...or to maybe ask Chichiri to check and see if you're back at the palace with Hotohori--maybe you never went with us at all. Maybe it was all our imagination, and you're back there at the palace, flitting around in those damned skirts and trying to get Hotohori to notice you... Gods. I just can't believe it.

Damn, man, you were never supposed to die! What the hell is up with that, huh?? You were always there. Always. And, it was FUN being around you, ya know? I remember at the Star Watching festival. Miaka ran out on us--damn, that was a fun time. Just being stupid. Having fun. And, even though you looked like a woman...it didn't feel like I was out with a girl, or even out with a gay-boy. It just felt like...I don't know. I can't figure out how to describe it. You never felt like a girl or a guy, not like normal people do. It was like...like you were too cool for us to even care what you were, and so we never noticed.

And, then...then some Seiryuu wolfman comes along and takes you away from us. I feel like I've got a hole in my heart or something, like...like somebody just shoved their fist into my chest and ripped it right out. Ha. Guess that's a bad expression to use considering what happened, huh, Nuriko? But, that's how I feel. Gods, what's happened to me? Talking about my feeeeeelings. What the hell kind of piece of shit bandit am I?? Ah, who cares. You're dead.

And, we gotta be strong and move on. We gotta be strong like you were...because if we're not, then what the hell was it all for, anyway? What'd you die for, if not so Miaka could get her hands on the Shinzaho and call Suzaku, huh? What was it for if not for that?

I won't let it be for nothing. If I can promise to do anything with the rest of my life, I promise to do that--I'll make sure that it wasn't for nothing. I'll make sure she gets what she needs. I'll make sure she calls Suzaku. I'll promise you that, Nuriko...because you can't be here to do it yourself.

Damn, man! Why'd you have to go up against that guy alone?

No, never mind. I know why. Man, I got a look at him--he was tough. Strong. Hell, if he was strong enough to get you like he did, then he must've been strong enough to lift that boulder and get at the shinzaho. So, I can see why you went after him...but, damn it, man, you must'a known you couldn't beat him alone. But, you tried anyway. Never saw a braver guy. I just wish I'd been there. Even if I couldn't do anything to help ya...I wish I could've been there to see you alive again.

Damn, man, why couldn't you wait just a few more minutes?? Mitsukake was RIGHT THERE! We were COMING! Why'd you have to be so damned selfish?? Why couldn't you just hang on for a FEW MORE FUCKING MINUTES??

Sorry. Guess that's a pretty dumb thing to say. Pretty stupid of me, yellin' at you for dying. I mean, hey, it wasn't really your fault. You didn't ask that guy to ram his claws up through your chest. You probably hung on for as long as you could--hell, maybe even longer than you could. You got to see Miaka again...maybe that's what was keeping you alive. Miaka.

That girl...gods. She's such a moron...but we all love her, don't we? Even you. Maybe especially you. After all, you've been with her almost from the beginning--and, you and her...you got close. I could see that, all along. Maybe you didn't love her as a man loves a woman...but damn me if you didn't love her more than I've ever seen you love anybody else.

Gah, look at me...rambling on and on like some damned scholar or something--Chiriko'd be so proud. I hate writing. I hate reading. So, why'm I sittin' here scribbling out this note? I guess because...because my head's just too jumbled for me to think about it...and maybe...I don't know. I guess it sounds pretty silly...but maybe...maybe death isn't the end. Maybe...maybe you're still around somewhere, watching over us, checking things out, keeping an eye on Miaka. So, maybe...maybe you know that I'm writing this letter. Maybe you know all this stuff now. Maybe you're not really gone.

Maybe...maybe you'll come back and visit sometime, huh? Huh. Maybe.

-Tasuki.