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What Sets You Apart from everyone else?
By,
Dave Rutledge
“Never give into them. No matter what they do or how
important you feel it is to gain their acceptance. Never kill part of yourself
for them. Because others will realize that part of you is missing before you
do.” This quote from Christopher Rice summarizes a philosophy that I base my
life upon. I have come to the realization that my self-worth is not contingent
upon what others think of me. I am content on being myself regardless of what
others may say of me. Fighting for acceptance, overcoming insecurities, and
finding inner strength and beauty helped me get more in touch with my feelings,
shaping me into a skilled poet and writer.
Upon entering my seventh grade year, I envied the “high school
jock and prep gods” and craved to be a part of their clan. They seemed to fit
in with such ease while I was just me-awkward and different. That same year, as
a result of the coaxing of two eighth graders, Eric and Caleb, I joined the
football team in an effort to fit in. At that point in my life, I was willing
to do anything to gain the acceptance of the very crowd that today I happily
hold no allegiance to.
Throughout high school, I
was a semi-outcast and a constant target of homophobia. I had some friends but
also many who viciously mocked me. The taunting of many fueled my insecurities.
I was insecure about my looks, the way I dressed, and my athletic abilities,
among other things. Harsh words sunk in and destroyed my self image. I had to
deal with a lot of pain at an early age, but in the end, all the torture I went
through strengthened me and I’m the better for it.
It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for
who you are not. Fortunately, in my tenth grade year, I finally grasped this
concept. Through the hard things I experienced, I gained inner strength and
beauty. I decided to be true to myself and face opposition with a smile.
Recently, on a morning in my junior year, my locker was vandalized. On the
outside front of my blue-painted metal locker in permanent black marker were
three letters: F A G. On the inside, all of my pictures were torn down and
replaced with the words GO TO HELL and Faggot B-----. So sure, I paid the price
for keeping that part of me that others tried to kill, but it’s worth it.
I took the negativity and pain I have experience in life and
channeled it into a positive thing: writing.
It was not until my tenth grade year that I really started writing
poetry. That year, I submitted a poem called “The Storm” to a literary contest.
This Poem was published in An Anthology of
Young Poets 2000 Edition. I have been told by many that I have a gift of
writing. Although I have many career goals, I hope to leave a legacy of writing
that gives my message to future generations: be yourself and never give into
them.
Today, I am not a part of any particular crowd, but I am
accepted by people of all different groups and, most importantly, by myself. A friend
once told me, “ I actually have a great respect for you, I could never deal
with what you have to deal with.” I believe that I am destined to write novels
someday and currently write poetry and short stories. I hope to inspire people
of all ages and remind them that like Emerson said, “what lies behind us and
before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
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If you have GLBT Poetry or Writings send them in to us at
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[email protected] www.GayTeenResource.com 214.993.9533
Find a GayLesBiTrans Youth Group near you!
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