Camp The setting is a giant field with about fifty kids of all ages on it talking to their friends and stuff like that. They all have backpacks and sleeping bags with them. Quatre, Duo, Wufei, Heero and Trowa had all been going to the same camp and met up with each other. A bunch of adults walk out and call the kids to the middle. Adult #1- Welcome to Camp Walawalabingbang!! Quatre- I like the name of this camp! Adult #2- A fun filled five day sleep over camp!! Wufei- I haven�t been away from home for that long before. Adult #3- We�ll be hiking, swimming, arts and crafts and a whole lot more of fun and interesting activities! Heero- Fun? My parents lied to me. Adult #4- First we�re going to split you into groups of ten!! Duo- Ten?! Why ten?! That�s such a stupid number! Why not FOUR so me, Quatre, Heero and Wufei can be together without Trowa?! The adults ignore this comment because they get a lot of this. Adult #5- We�re going to do this with five boys and five girls. Get into groups!! The five get together. Duo kept trying to convince everyone that they shouldn�t have Trowa but Quatre kept defending him. Adult #1- Realizing that no groups of boys are with girls. Adult #1 then puts groups of boys with girls. Now everyone mingle as we assign counselors!! Quatre- What�s mingle mean?! Trowa- �It means get to know each other.� Duo- Why�d they want us to do that? We already know each other!! Trowa- �I think we should get to know the girls.� Duo & Wufei- EW!! GIRLS!! COOTIES!! Quatre- What�s wrong with GIRLS?! Random Stupid Looking Girl- Inching closer to Heero. Hello. My name is Relina. What�s yours? Heero- What are you, the FBI? Relina- Why, no. Why are you saying that? That�s not true. Heero- I�ll kill you. He pulls out his gun and points it at her. Relina just smiles. Relina- Go ahead. Heero- Um�my bullets are too good for you. He puts his gun away. I�ll do it later�with something else. I�m Heero. Relina- Um, okay. Do you have a girlfriend? Heero- I�m only five. Relina- Me too!! We should be boyfriend and girlfriend. Heero- I have no friends. Quatre- What do you mean?! WE�RE your friends!! Girl with big stupid looking eyebrows- I don�t think that�s very fair of him to just blow you off. Quatre- Neither do I! He�s so rude! Girl with big stupid eyebrows- My name is Dorothy. What�s yours? Quatre- Nervously. I�m not allowed to talk to strangers. Dorothy- Well, you know MY name so we�re not strangers anymore. Quatre- Confused. Uh, okay. My name is Quatre. Dorothy- That�s just great. I�m five, how old are you? Quatre- Why do you want to know all this stuff about me?! You�re scaring me! Dorothy- I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to frighten you. Quatre backs away from Dorothy and bumps into Trowa who is getting to know this girl with poofy hair. Girl with poofy hair- I think it�s so cute that you talk on a chalkboard!! Trowa- �You do?� Girl with poofy hair- Yeah! My dad works at the circus and there�s this guy who�s ALWAYS talking on a chalkboard. My name is Catherine and sometimes Manager lets me be a clown on the set!! Trowa- Eyes widening. �You�re a clown?� Catherine- Who isn�t? Trowa- �I know!� Catherine- What�s your name? Trowa- �Trowa.� Catherine- I hope someday that I�ll be the best clown in the whole world! Since I�m only seven, I have a lot to learn! Trowa- �I always wanted to be a clown.� Duo- Why would you want to be a clown?! Girl with blue hair- I know! They�re not even fun to WATCH and I�m sure it�s not fun at all BEING one! Duo- Yeah! Girl with blue hair- I don�t like clowns, they�re so stupid! Duo- Yeah! Girl with blue hair- I especially hate those SAD clowns!! Duo- YEAH!! Girl with blue hair- And I can�t think of ANYTHING else to say!! Duo- Not paying attention. YEAH!! Realizing it. Oh. Well, you�re not so bad�FOR A GIRL!! Girl with blue hair- And you�re not so bad�for a BOY!! Duo- What�s that supposed to mean?! I�m not a boy, I�m a DUO!! Girl with blue hair- And I�m a HILDE, not a girl! Duo and Hilde go into a fit of hysterics. Wufei- What foolish behavior. Girl with twizzlers for hair- Oh, you�re so CUTE!! Wufei looks up at the girl that is looming over him. He backs away. Wufei- Personal space� Girl with twizzlers for hair- You want Auntie Sally to HOLD YOU?! OKAY!! She reaches for him and grabs him. He kicks and screams. There, there. It will be all right. Wufei all of a sudden stops moving. Duo- Why�d he stop? He then notices a medicine bottle dropping out of Wufei�s hand. He figured that Wufei put himself out of his misery. Quatre- Wow! She TAMED Wufei!! Adult #1- Walking up to Heero. I�m sorry but we don�t allow water guns in our camp. Give it to me. She holds out her hand. Heero- Taking out his gun. Do you want to see what KIND of water in is my gun? He points it at Adult #1 but Relina pretends to trip on top of him and the gun goes flying out of his hands. Relina- Oh, I�m so clumsy! She lands in Heero�s arms. Heero drops her and dives for his gun but Adult #1 has already picked it up. Heero- Staring evilly at Relina. Stupid fool. I will kill you. Adult #2- Walking up to Duo. Excuse me, young man, but you�re not allowed to have the kick balls until the game starts. Duo- But we were gonna play with it! Adult #2- You�ll just have to wait like everyone else! Hilde- We�re not waiting! LET US PLAY!! Adult #2- No, give me the ball. Adult #2 wrenches the ball out of Duo�s hands and walks away. Duo- Don�t worry. At night, we�ll kill Adult #2!! Hilde- Rubbing her hands together diabolically. Yeah� Adult #3- Walking up to Trowa. Excuse me but we don�t allow talking chalkboards at Camp Walawalabingbang. I�ll have to take it from you. Trowa hands Adult #3 the chalkboard. Adult #3 walks away. Catherine- Oh, no! Trowa! How will you communicate?! Trowa- Taking out his other chalkboard. I have a backup. Catherine- Wow, good thing I can READ!! Trowa smiles, a little relieved. Adult #4- Walking up to Quatre. Excuse me but people who didn�t sign up aren�t not allowed in this camp. Adult #4 points to the three minions wearing fezzes standing behind Quatre. Quatre turns and looks at them. Quatre- Oh, they�re not people! They�re MINIONS!! Adult #4- Annoyed. Well, no MINIONS either. Quatre- But if they�re not there, who will do everything for me, carry me and make me feel better when I�m homesick?! Random Minion #521- Bending down to Quatre�s level. Quatre, simply remember your favorite things and then you won�t feel so bad. Random Minion #26- Remember? Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Random Minion #842- Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens? Random Minion #521- Brown paper packages tied up with strings� Quatre- But those are just a FEW of my favorite things!! Adult #4- I�m sorry but you three will have to leave. The three minions leave. Adult #5- Walking up to Sally who�s holding Wufei and rocking him. Adult #5 sees the pills on the ground and picks them up. Drugs are NOT allowed in our camp!! What are these doing here? Sally- I don�t know! They must be his! Adult #5- You being older I expected more out of you. Giving a child his age DRUGS!! Sally- I may twelve but I am VERY mature! I don�t know WHERE those came from! Adult #5 walks off with the sleeping pills in hand. Head Adult- It�s time that the adults took you to your cabins!! Adult #1 leads the ten to their cabin, �Kazoom�. Adult #1 then leaves. There are three rooms; a room for boys to sleep in, a room for girls to sleep in and a bathroom with a shower. Duo- Where�s the t.v.?! Quatre- SHARING a room?! I have to SHARE a room for a whole week?! Heero- At least I�ll get away from that girl. Trowa- Good, a bathroom. He goes into the bathroom. Hilde- Why is our cabin named �Kazoom�? That�s so retarded! Dorothy- Well, Miss Relina�I mean Hilde, just think of the name of the camp. Walawalabingbang. Relina- Darn! I wanted to sleep with that boy! Catherine- Does anyone mind if I talk in my sleep? Good cause I do and you�ll have to live with it cause you can�t do anything about it!! Sally- Everyone be quiet! He�s sleeping! Duo- You wouldn�t be able to wake him up even if you WANTED to! Sally- She puts Wufei�s head on her other shoulder. Why? Quatre- Cause he had those STUPID sleeping pills! His mom gave them to me once and I hated them cause it gave me a bad dream about DOOR!! Everyone gasps including the girls. Dorothy- Door? Are you serious? Quatre- Yes! I�m surprised I lived!! Dorothy- You�re so brave, Miss Relina. Everyone stares at her. Oh, I mean Quatre. She looks embarrassed. Quatre- Miss Relina? Relina- That�s ME!! I�m QUEEN of the world!! Duo- YEAH RIGHT!! I�M king of the world and you�re not my queen! Hilde- You�re king of the world? Duo- Sure am! Hilde- Wow! All this time Relina was lying to us! She stares angrily at Relina who shrugs stupidly. Catherine- Does anyone know what time it is cause I want to know so I know how long until bedtime so I�ll be able to space my time out correctly? Quatre- Um, I have a watch but I can�t tell time and time has no meaning to me. He shows Catherine his watch. Catherine- Oh, it�s only four so that means that we�ll probably have a couple of afternoon activities before we have to stay in the cabin and have dinner! I can�t wait for dinner because I am so hungry! Heero- Do you ever shut-up? You�re worse than Duo. Duo- HEY!! Catherine- Worse than Duo at what? Talking, shutting up, everything? By the way, who�s Duo? I never did get to meet him because he didn�t introduce himself because he was too busy talking to someone else but I shouldn�t be talking because I was having a nice talk with Trowa and was distracted from anyone else because I was complementing him and we were talking about clowns!! Everyone slaps their foreheads. Trowa walks out of the bathroom. There he is! Don�t you just LOVE the way he talks on a chalkboard because I do and I wanted to know your opinions because I am curious because I am a clown? Everyone ignores her except Hilde and Duo. And isn�t his hair just the CUTEST?! Hilde- I hate Catherine. Duo- That�s good because I hate Trowa!! Hilde- The only reason she hangs out with us is because Sally felt bad for her! Actually, I don�t even know why SALLY hangs out with us! Or Relina! Or Dorothy! Duo- The only reason he hangs out with us is because Quatre�s his friend! Duo and Hilde start laughing. Relina- What are they saying? I can�t hear them. Why are they speaking so secretly? Why aren�t they open? Just then, Adult #1 walks in. Adult #1- We�re going to play a game of soccer then dinner! And after that, we�re going to go to bed!! Quatre- YAY!! Everyone stares at him. I mean�darn? Adult #1- Whatever. Let�s go!! Adult #1 leads them out of the cabin to a field. Okay, we�re going to pick teams. Who wants to be the captain? Duo & Hilde- US!! Adult #1- Okay, you two. You, little girl, pick first. Hilde- I choose�um�DUO! She points to Duo. Adult #1- Wait� Duo- And I pick HILDE! Duo & Hilde- YAY!! WE�RE ON THE SAME TEAM!! They start dancing around. Adult #1- No, you can�t do that because you�re captains and you have to choose other people! Duo- Well then we don�t WANT to be captains! They run back into line. Adult #1- Fine. You two be captains. Adult #1 points to Heero and Dorothy. Dorothy walks out but Heero stays in his spot. Heero- You can�t tell me what to do. Adult #1- Okay, YOU be captain. Adult #1 points to Quatre. Quatre- Wow! I�ve never been CAPTAIN before! He walks out. Dorothy- I pick Miss Relina. Relina stands next to Dorothy. Quatre- I pick TROWA!! Trowa stands next to Quatre. Dorothy- Okay, I choose�Heero. Heero- Annoyed. You can�t tell me what to do. Duo- Heero, you�re mission is to go and stand next to Dorothy!! Heero- Mission accepted. He stands next to Dorothy. Mission completed. Quatre- I pick DUO!! Duo stands next to Quatre and starts whispering to him and telling him to pick Hilde. Dorothy- I choose Catherine. Quatre- Hilde I guess!! Hilde and Duo grab hands and start dancing in a circle. Dorothy- I pick Sally! Sally- You have to take him too! She points to Wufei. Quatre- No, Wufei�s on OUR team or the teams would be uneven! At the sound of his name, Wufei wakes up. His eyes widen. Wufei- PERSONAL SPACE!! He jumps out of Sally�s arms and runs away from her. Sally smiles. Sally- He�s so cute!! Adult #1- So Team #1 is Quatre, Trowa, Duo, Hilde, Wufei and Team #2 is Dorothy, Relina, Heero, Catherine and Sally? LET�S GET STARTED!! Team #1 get to that side and Team #2 get to that side! The two teams go on the opposite sides of the field. Duo- I�M GOALIE!! I�M GOALIE!! Hilde- I�M DEFENSE!! I�M DEFENSE!! Wufei- I�M TIRED!! I�M GRUMPY!! Everyone stares at Wufei. Wufei looks around, crosses his arms, sits down and starts crying. Quatre- Well�I�ll take whatever position is left over! Wufei, Trowa, what do you want to play? Hilde- Trowa can be the sub!! Duo slaps Hilde five. Quatre- But we don�t NEED a sub! Duo- That�s okay! He can be one ANYWAY!! Hilde- And Catherine can be the sub for the other team! Duo and Hilde start laughing. Quatre- That�s okay! Me and Trowa will play forward and Wufei can be�He looks at Wufei who hasn�t moved from his spot. Whatever he wants. Dorothy- Wow, Miss Rel�QUATRE!! Quatre�Quatre�I SAID Quatre. Anyway, QUATRE, you sure know a lot about soccer. Quatre- Some of my sisters play it and I go to ALL of their games!! Adult #1- So are we ready? Team #1 gets the kick-off!! Trowa passes the ball to Quatre. Quatre goes to kick the ball but trips over a clump of dirt and falls on his face. Quatre- I WATCH my sisters play. I OBSERVE my sisters play. But I CAN�T play. Relina steals the ball and starts dribbling down the field. Duo- Wufei! Stop her!! Relina- I got the ball, I got the ball, I got the ball, I got�AHHH!! She falls over because Wufei had stuck out his foot causing her to trip. He crosses his arms grumpily but secretly chuckles cruelly at her expense. Adult #1- No, you CAN�T do that! That�s a free kick for the girl�s team!! Heero- Hey, I�m on the girl�s team so it�s not a girl�s team. Adult #1- Why? Heero- It�s my mission. Adult #1- Fine, the girls and HEERO team. Hilde- And this is the boys and HILDE team!! Duo- The boys and Hilde and DUO team!! Hilde- YEAH!! Adult #1- WHATEVER!! Just kick the ball girls and Heero team. Catherine- Can we make it the girls and Heero and CATHERINE team because I want my name to be in the title because I am a key player and I�m a clown!! Adult #1- No. KICK THE BALL!! Relina kicks the ball but it kinda just swerves off into the other direction behind her. Sally runs up and kicks the ball as hard as she can and with a loud �BA-BOOM!!� the ball is sent towards Duo in the goal. Duo- I�m gonna save it, I�m gonna�I DON�T WANT TO BE GOALIE ANYMORE!! The ball hits him right in the face, knocking him over. Quatre- DUO! YOU SAVED THE BALL!! Hilde kicks it up the field to Trowa. Trowa easily dribbles past everyone and scores easily on Dorothy. Relina- Heero! Why didn�t you stop him? Heero- I had no need to. Relina- Remembering what Duo did with the mission thing. You�re mission is to prevent everyone from scoring! Heero- Mission accepted. Just�tell this stupid clown to shut-up. She�s annoying me. He points to Catherine who is incessantly talking about the circus and how good a clown she is. Relina- Catherine, shut-up, okay?! Catherine- Why do I have to shut-up? Why are you always bossing me around you shouldn�t because I am older than you because I was born before you and I�m a clown. Adult #1- Child in the goal, are you okay!? Dorothy- I�M FINE!! Adult #1- Not you. The one lying down on his back. Duo- Not wanting to cry in front of Hilde and wanting to look tough. I�m FINE!! He gets up. He has a soccar ball outline on his face. Hilde- You look like a soccer ball!! Duo- YEAH!! I�m Duo the Soccer Ball Face Guy Thingy Person Man Type Thing!! Duo and Hilde both start laughing. Adult #1- Okay. Kick off for the Girls and Heero team!! Hilde- But WE scored the goal! We should get the kick off! Duo- We�re better and they need help! Hilde nods. Relina passes it to Sally. Sally starts dribbling down the field and easily gets by Quatre. While she�s looking down, Wufei walks up to her and shoves her over. He then picks up the soccer ball and punts it off into the other direction. Adult #1- Hey! Why�d you do that? Sally- Sighing. He likes me. Adult #1- Now go and get it! Wufei- NO!! MAKE TROWA DO IT!! Relina- Heero, your mission is to get the ball. Heero- Mission accepted. He goes and gets the ball. Dorothy- You�re really taking advantage of this mission thing aren�t you, Miss Relina? Adult #1- Kick for the Girls and Heero team! Duo- Why do they always get the kicks? Quatre- Because we keep fouling! Hilde- It�s all Trowa and Catherine�s fault! They laugh. Sally is about to take the kick but Relina starts crying fakely and Sally gives her the kick. Relina kicks it and Duo picks it up. He then runs down the field with the ball in his hands. He tosses the ball as hard as he can in the goal and it goes in. When he�s in the middle of his victory dance, he is attacked by Heero. Duo- AHHH! Heero knocks Duo over and starts beating him up. Quatre- Heero! Stop! We shouldn�t be fighting at all!! Relina- Heero! You�re mission is to stop! Heero- Mission accepted. He stops. Adult #1- Putting Duo back on his feet. Why did you do that to poor Duo? Heero- My mission was not to let anyone get by. Relina- You�re mission is to kick the ball away from people and not beat them up! Heero nods. Heero- Mission accepted. Adult #1- I don�t know who to give the free kick to. Duo got a handball but Heero got a foul. Okay, I�ll just throw the ball up and we�ll start from there. Adult #1 throws the ball up into the air. Trowa kicks the ball but Dorothy saves it. She throws it to Heero. It lands right on his feet. He stares at it. Relina- HEERO! YOUR MISSION IS TO RUN DOWN THE FIELD AND SCORE!! Heero- Mission accepted. He runs down the field and takes a shot on Duo but it goes about five feet over the net. Mission failed. Duo- Heero, your mission is to go and get the ball. Heero- Mission accepted. He goes and retrieves the ball. Adult #1- What is with that kid and missions? Anyway, goal kick. Duo- I don�t know but it�s FUN!! He rubs his hands together diabolically. Heero comes back and gives the ball to Duo. Duo lowers his voice to a whisper so only Heero can hear him. Okay, your mission is to do a really bad job. Whenever you get the ball, pass it to someone on my team. That�s your mission. Heero- Mission accepted. Duo laughs to himself and kicks the ball right to Quatre. Quatre fumbles around with it before finally turning it around and going up the field. He goes about two feet before Sally steals it away from him and passes it to Heero. Heero then passes it to Trowa. Relina- Heero! Why did you pass the ball to Trowa? Heero- It�s my mission. Relina- Well your mission is to pass it to people ON your team. Heero- Mission accepted. Heero is starting to get somewhat confused with all the missions. Trowa, meanwhile, has dribbled up the field and scored again because Dorothy is such a terrible goalie. Relina- Heero, your mission is to be goalie and do a good job. Heero- Mission accepted. He starts to walk over to the goal but Adult #1 stops him and looks him right in the eye. Adult #1- Heero, don�t listen to everyone�s missions! Just play the game and have a good time! Heero- Why should I listen to you? Adult #1- Okay, I didn�t want to have to do this but�your mission is to listen to me and play the position that you want to play. Heero- Mission accepted. Relina runs over to Heero. Relina- Whispering in his ear. Heero, your mission is to forget what Adult #1 said and do a good job at goalie! Heero- Mission accepted. He goes over and pushes Dorothy out of the goal mouth and stands in it. Adult #1- Okay, Girls and Heero team kick off! Relina does a really bad pass to Sally that it goes to Trowa. Trowa dribbles up the field and takes a shot on Heero. Heero saves it and whips the ball at Trowa as hard as he can. Trowa is sent hurtling backwards. Adult #1- Let�s not play this anymore. How about we got have dinner? Everyone follows Adult #1 to the place where you eat dinner. They sit at a circle table in this order: Hilde, Duo, Heero, Relina, Dorothy, Quatre, Trowa, Catherine, Sally, Wufei, Adult #1. Okay, just go up there and there�s some food. Everyone goes up to the place where the food is. Duo- Heero, you�re mission is to get the grossest stuff!! Heero- Mission accepted. Relina- Your mission is to get whatever you want! Heero- Mission accepted. They go back to the table with their food. Duo- Noticing Hilde�s cupcake. Oh, I forgot to get a cupcake! Hilde- Make Heero give you his! Duo- He doesn�t have one! Hilde- Make him GET you one! And make him get himself one and then give you his! Duo- YEAH! He turns to Heero. Heero, your mission is to get me and you a cupcake and then give me your cupcake!! Heero- Mission accepted. Adult #1 watches Heero go up and wonders why Adult #1 had to get all the strange children. Heero hands Duo the two cupcakes when he returns. Hilde- Watch out, he might start denying your missions if you give him so many to do! Duo- I�ll fix that. He turns to Heero. You mission is to never deny my missions! Heero- Mission accepted. After dinner, everyone goes to the cabin. The five boys sit in a circle on the floor in the boy�s room as the girls go to the girl�s room. Quatre- Let�s play Truth or Dare! Heero- I�ll sit this one out. Duo- Heero, your mission is to play! Heero- Mission accepted. Wufei- I�M NOT PLAYING!! Quatre- Okay, if your going to be like that then we don�t WANT you to play! Wufei crosses his arms and lies down on his sleeping bag. Duo- I�m first! Heero, truth or dare? Heero- Truth. Duo- Your mission is to choose dare! Heero- Mission accepted. I choose dare. Duo- I dare you to throw Wufei in the girl�s room! Heero- Why would I want to do that? Duo- Your MISSION is to throw Wufei in the girl�s room! Heero- Annoyed. Mission accepted. Heero creeps up on Wufei who is facing the wall and pouting. He grabs him around the waist. Wufei�s eyes immediately sproing wide open. Wufei- PERSONAL SPACE!! PERSONAL SPACE!! He starts kicking and screaming. Heero tosses Wufei in the girls� room right on top of Sally. The last thing he heard was Sally saying �Oh, see, he LIKES me!!� He walks back into the boy�s room and sits in the circle. The other three are staring at him with wide eyes. Quatre- I think that was TWO people in one day to pick up Wufei! Duo- STUUUPID WUFEI!! Heero, your turn. Heero- Duo, truth or dare. Duo- DARE! Heero- I dare you to take my turn for me. Duo- OKAY! Heero, truth or dare. Heero- Tru� Duo- Your MISSION is to choose DARE!! Heero- Mission accepted. I choose dare. Quatre- Duo, you�re so funny! He starts laughing. Duo- Your mission is to make Trowa talk! Trowa�s eyes widen. Heero- Mission accepted. He takes out a knife and points it at Trowa. Talk. Trowa- NOOOOOOOO!! Heero- Talk or else. Quatre- HEERO! Your mission is to give me that knife! Heero- Mission accepted. He hands Quatre the knife. Quatre stares at it. He then tosses it out the window. All of a sudden, the boys room door swings open and Wufei is standing there with steam lines over his head. Quatre- AHHHHH!! HE�S GOING TO KILL US!! Wufei- I�M GOING TO KILL YOU!! Duo- HEERO!! YOUR MISSION IS TO KEEP WUFEI FROM KILLING US!! Heero- Mission accepted. He goes over and starts beating Wufei up. Quatre- Heero! You�re mission is to keep him from killing us by doing something other then beating him up! Heero- Mission accepted. He whips out a rope and ties Wufei to the bed. Wufei is screaming the whole time. Duo- Blocking his ears. Heero, your mission is to shut Wufei up by NOT beating him up! Heero- Mission accepted. Heero pulls out some duct tape and slaps some across Wufei�s mouth. He then joins the circle. Quatre- Your turn again, Heero! Duo- But he still hasn�t made Trowa talk! Quatre- Heero, your mission is NOT to make Trowa talk! Heero- Mission accepted. Quatre- Now your mission is to take your turn and not give it to someone else. Heero- Mission accepted. Quatre, truth or dare? Quatre- Um�truth. No, actually DARE!! Heero- I dare you to go and ask if the girls want to play truth or dare with us. Quatre- I don�t WANT to do that! Heero- You have to. Quatre- YOUR MISSION is to ask them! Heero- Slaps his forehead. Mission accepted. He opens the door and exits. He returns later with the five girls. Sally- WUFEI!! She runs over and unties him. He runs out of the room before she can even take the tape off his mouth. Why did you do that to Wufei?! Quatre- He was going to kill us! Duo- We�re playing truth or dare! It�s Quatre�s turn! Quatre- Okay, Catherine! Truth or dare? Catherine- Dare because I am a clown and I don�t mind if I have to do anything silly because it�s my job and I do it all the time because I am a clown. Quatre- Whatever. Your dare is to�BE QUIET FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT! Catherine- Oh, I don�t know if I can do that�Cause I�m a clown. She shuts her mouth. Everyone- YAY QUATRE!! Quatre- But you can do your truth or dare thing but that�s it and you can�t add any extra things in! Catherine- Okay. Dorothy, I dare you to kiss Quatre!! Quatre- But it�s not my bedtime! Dorothy- Okay! She goes over to Quatre. Quatre- NO! HEERO! YOUR MISSION IS TO KEEP DOROTHY FROM KISSING ME! DON�T BEAT HER UP, THOUGH! Heero- Mission accepted. How? Quatre- TAKE THE KISS FOR ME!! Heero- No. Quatre- IT�S YOUR MISSION!! Heero- Mission accepted. Dorothy shrugs and kisses Heero. Quatre sighs with relief. Dorothy- Okay, Duo, truth or dare? Duo- DARE! Dorothy- I dare you to�to�TAKE YOUR HAIR OUT!! Duo- NOOOOOOO!! Dorothy- You HAVE to!! Duo- But�but�He sighs. It just doesn�t WORK that way. Dorothy- Well, the rule is if you don�t do the dare then you have to kiss a girl! Duo- Okay. He leans over and kisses Hilde on the cheek. Hilde giggles and kisses him back. Everyone- YOUR TURN DUO!! Duo- Let�s just play DARE instead of Truth or Dare. Everyone- YEAH! Catherine- But you can�t pick Dorothy because she just went and some people haven�t gone yet because no one has picked them and I�m a clown. Quatre- YOU�RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TALK!! Catherine gasps and shuts her mouth. Dorothy- Now you have to kiss a boy! Catherine leans over to the unsuspecting Trowa and plants a kiss on his cheek. He looks up at her with a confused expression as he touches the spot she kissed him. Duo- Can I take my turn PLEASE?! Everyone nods. Okay, Trowa, I dare you to�um�He starts concocting something evil in that diabolic brain of his. I dare you to go to the food place and get us all candy!! Trowa- What if they don�t HAVE candy? Duo- Oh yeah, you have to TALK, too. Trowa- One or the other! Everyone except Sally and Catherine stare blankly at the chalkboard. Sally- He�s telling you� Quatre- NO! Let me figure it out! He looks at the chalkboard. One�or�the� something!! YAY!! I�m making a guess that he�s saying �one or the other�! Dorothy- Wow, Miss Rel�Quatre, you can read? Quatre- STOP CALLING ME MISS RELINA!! Dorothy- I�m sorry. Quatre- It�s okay. I can read a LITTLE bit! Duo- WHATEVER! I pick talk. Trowa, I dare you to talk or else you have to kiss Relina! Trowa starts to lean towards Relina. Actually, you HAVE to do the dare. No more doing the kissing thing! You ALWAYS have to do it! Trowa- I WON�T talk. I CAN�T! Quatre- I WON�T talk!! I CAN�T!! I READ THE WHOLE MESSAGE!! Duo- You HAVE to do it! It�s a DOUBLE DARE! Don�t you want to impress the CLOWN?! Trowa blushes. Catherine- I�m a clown. Quatre- YOU CAN�T TALK!! Catherine shuts her mouth. Duo- But TROWA has to! It was his dare!! Hilde- Couldn�t we just make him stick his head in the toilet instead?! Duo- YEAH!! Trowa, you have to stick your head in the toilet or talk. Come on, that�s not THAT hard of a decision!! There is a long pause. Well? We�re WAITING!! Trowa- REALLY quietly and looking down. Hi. Quatre- Gasping. YAY TROWA!! He hugs him. Duo- You have to say a WHOLE sentence! Quatre- Don�t rush him! He pats Trowa on the back. Duo- Whatever! Trowa, it�s your turn. Trowa- Relina, I dare you to eat some of the dirt in the plant. Relina- What�s that say? Sally- He wants you to eat some dirt in the plant. Relina- WHY?! That�s GROSS!! Duo- YOU HAVE TO!! Relina- FINE! She goes over to the plant and takes a handful of dirt in her hand. Do I have to? Could I just stick my head in the toilet? Hilde- YEAH!! Come on, Relina! They all follow her to the bathroom. Duo- NEW RULE!! NEW RULE!! If you don�t do the dare then you have to stick your head in the toilet! They all watch Relina. Relina- Actually�I�ll eat the dirt. Duo- NO! YOUR FATE IS SET!! Relina- It�s not a rule that you can�t do the dare! Duo- Heero, your mission is to stick Relina�s head in the toilet! Heero- Mission accepted. He starts walking over to Relina. Relina- NO! Heero, your mission is to stick DUO�S head in the toilet! Heero- Mission accepted. He starts walking over to Duo. Duo- Heero, your mission is to ignore Relina and do what I say! Heero- Mission accepted. He goes back over to Relina. Relina- Heero, your mission�Heero takes out a gun and points it at Relina. Heero- Stick your stupid head in the toilet. Relina just smiles. Relina- Shoot me. Everyone- YOUR MISSION IS TO SHOOT RELINA!! Heero gets ready to pull the trigger. Quatre- No! We shouldn�t be fighting at all! Your mission is to not shoot Relina but put her head in the toilet! Heero- Mission accepted. Before Relina can say anything, Heero grabs her head and shoves it down the toilet. He holds it there for a while until Quatre tells him that it�s his mission to let her go. Mission accepted. He lets go of Relina. Duo- BACK TO THE GAME!! They all go back to the boy�s room and sit in a circle. Okay, Relina, it�s your turn. Relina- Squeezing out her hair and wiping her face. Hilde! I dare you to�kiss Heero! Hilde- Could I kiss Duo instead? Relina- Okay. Hilde kisses Duo on the cheek. Hilde- Okay, it�s MY turn now!! Um�Quatre�Duo whispers something to Hilde and she giggles. I dare you to tell everyone how many times you were dressed up as a girl! Quatre- Sixty-four, I think. More or less. Probably more. Hilde- Looking disappointed. Duo whispers something to her again. And LIKED it! Tell us how many times you LIKED it! Quatre- Um�it was okay when I was REALLY little but when I got older I didn�t like it so we made it a rule. Hilde- Come on, you�re supposed to be embarrassed when talking about this kinda stuff! Duo whispers something to her. How about as many times people thought you WERE a girl when you were dressed up as one?! Quatre- Most of the time, actually. My sisters say I�m a pretty girl! Hilde- How about� Quatre- This is a little more than one dare. I think it�s MY turn! Um�Before he can say anything, Adult #1 walks in carrying Wufei who has his head stuck in a trashcan. He is screaming for help and personal space. Adult #1- I want an explanation!! Quatre- Wufei does this sometimes. Um�you�re making it worse by carrying him or touching him and stuff like that. Duo- WE didn�t do anything to him! Adult #1- He kept telling me about you boys throwing him around and tying him to the bed� Duo- He�s LYING!! LIAR!! Wufei, I thought you were our friend!! Wufei- PUT ME DOWN! PERSONAL SPACE!! Sally- Taking Wufei out of Adult #1�s hands. I�ll take him. He likes me. She carefully takes the trashcan off his head. As soon as Wufei sees her, he starts screaming louder and trying to get away. Quatre- Usually by now he would have had a sleepy pill or something. Maybe he�s trying to cut down on them. Wufei- SOMEONE STOLE THEM! I CAN�T FIND THEM!! Adult #1- I think that you girls should go back in your room. Sally- Could Wufei come and sleep with us because he likes me? Adult #1- But there are only five beds in your room. Hilde- Wufei and me could trade places so I can sleep with Duo! Duo- We can have and slumber party! Hilde- And we can go camping! Adult #1- But this IS camping. Duo- No, camping OUTSIDE! That�s a whole �nother thing! Adult #1- You can sleep in here but I�d prefer if you didn�t go outside. Adult #1 turns to Sally. Are you sure you can get him to sleep? He seems VERY cranky and he�s already had a long nap today. Sally- Of COURSE! I read somewhere that if the baby likes you then they�ll do anything you want them to do even if they don�t want to! Wufei- I DON�T LIKE YOU AND I�M NOT A BABY!! He kicks harder and screams louder. Sally giggles and smiles at Adult #1. Adult #1 smiles fakely back at her and decides to let her learn a lesson. Adult #1 tucks everyone in. Quatre- No goodnight kiss?! Adult #1 sighs and kisses Quatre on the forehead to satisfy him. Goodnight! Duo- UN-goodnight! Hilde and Duo giggle. Hilde- UN-goodnight Duo! Duo- UN-goodnight Hilde! They laugh harder. Adult #1 waits for a comment from Heero and Trowa but when none comes, Adult #1 leaves. Hilde- UN-goodnight everyone! Quatre- UN-goodnight isn�t a very nice thing to say! Adult #1 walks back in. Adult #1- GO TO SLEEP!! Adult #1 leaves. They hear banging on the door and Wufei screaming. Wufei- LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! HELP! HELP!! The door swings open. Adult #1�s voice from the other room- GO TO SLEEP!! Then silence except for the door shutting again. THE NEXT MORNING!! Adult #2- WAKE UP!! Everyone goes outside with Hilde and Duo complaining about how tired they still are. Okay, to the eating place. Quatre- Where�d Adult #1 go?! Did you take Adult #1�s place?! Adult #2- No� Quatre- DID YOU KILL ADULT #1?! Quatre starts crying. ADULT #1�S DEAD!! Adult #2- No, Adult #1 is just over with THAT group. See? Adult #2 points to Adult #1. For some reason, Adult #1 wanted to be with a different group so we traded places. You seem like a nice group of kids. There�s a sudden crash from inside the cabin as Wufei darts out the door and behind a tree, screaming. The girls come out a few minutes later calling his name. Um�all right. I want to know everyone�s names. Duo- I�m HILDE!! Hilde- I�m DUO!! Adult #2- Uh�you don�t really�whatever. The rest of you? Quatre- I�m Quatre! Trowa- Remembering how much exciting it was talking last night. Trowa. Quatre- YAY TROWA!! He hugs Trowa again. Adult #2- What�s so special�oh never mind. And�you? She points to Heero. Heero- That�s for me to know and for you NOT to find out. Duo- You�re MISSION is to tell Adult #2 your name! Heero- Sighing. Mission accepted. My name is Heero. Adult #2- Mission? Oh, oh well. And how about the girls? Catherine- My name is Catherine because my mom named me that and I�m a clown so I�m a clown. Adult #2- And I WON�T ask. Everyone else? Relina- My name is Relina and I�m QUEEN of the world! Dorothy- Yes, Miss Relina, you�re right as usual. My name is Dorothy and I�m Miss Relina�s best friend. Sally- I�m Sally Po and this is my little person, Wufei! She points to Wufei. Wufei- In a whiney voice. I�m not little and I�m NOT your little person! Adult #2- Whatever! Let�s go have breakfast! Adult #2 leads them in the eating place and they all sit in the regular place. Okay, the menu is pancakes, waffles, eggs, toast or cereal. Duo- I want EVERYTHING!! Adult #2- Um, no. You can only have one. Duo- Then I want a mix. Hilde- ME TOO! Adult #2- What are you talking about? Duo and Hilde gasp. Hilde- She doesn�t know what the mix is! Duo- It�s Cocoa Crispies, Cocoa Puffs, Reese�s Peanut Butter Puffs, Oreo Os and Count Chocula with chocolate milk and a couple of spoonfuls of sugar on top!! Adult #2 motions as if going to throw up. Duo and Hilde- WHAT?! WE EAT IT EVERY DAY!! Adult #2- What does everyone else want? Trowa- Eggs�and�Trowa felt that that was enough. Quatre- TWO WORDS AT ONE TIME!! Adult #2 looks confused. I want waffles!! Heero- I�ll eat anything. Even the mix. He shudders. Actually, no, I won�t eat the mix. I�ll eat anything but the mix. Sally- Me and my little person want pancakes and toast. Wufei- I DON�T WANT THOSE!! AND I�M NOT YOUR LITTLE PERSON!! Relina- I want what Heero wants. Dorothy- I want what Miss Relina wants. Catherine- I�m a clown so I want clown food because I�m a clown. Adult #2- Uh, okay. The little waiter guy comes and gives everyone their food. Quatre- Thank you Minion #251�I mean, waiter guy. Duo- What?! Only ONE spoonful of sugar?! Hilde- Are you serious?! She takes a spoonful. YUCK! ONE spoonful! Heero- Why is there butter on my toast. I don�t like butter. Take it back and give me toast without butter on it. He picks up the plate and throws it at the kitchen door. Adult #2- Uh�please don�t do that. Heero stares at Adult #2 angrily. Never mind. Do whatever you want. Relina- I want toast without butter on it too!! She tosses her plate at the door as well. Dorothy- Me too! She copies Relina. Adult #2- Please stop. Sally- What do you think of your food, my little person? Wufei- Starting to cry. I�m not your little person. Trowa looks as though he wants to say something but, alas, he can�t get the words out. Catherine- This isn�t clown food, I know what clown food looks like because I am a clown and this isn�t clown food because I�m a clown. Adult #2- It�s SPECIAL clown food! Just EAT it!! Adult #2 looks enviously at Adult #1. Adult #1 is having a good time with Adult #2�s real group. Duo- I won�t eat this! MORE SUGAR!! Hilde- MORE SUGAR SLAVE!! They both laugh. Quatre- Not slave, MINION!! Duo and Hilde- MINION #2!! Quatre- Actually, I already have a Minion #2. Adult #2 can be something else. Duo and Hilde- SLAVE #2!! They laugh. Adult #2- Quietly. It�s only breakfast and I�m already sick of them. When everyone finishes, Adult #2 takes them all back to the cabin. Adult #2 fits them into backpacks and puts sleeping bags on their backs and gives them bottles of water. Duo- Why are we doing this, Slave? Adult #2- Don�t call me Slave!! Hilde- Why Slave? Adult #2- Just ignore them, just ignore them. I�ll just keep telling myself that. Quatre- I do that too! Adult #2 takes all of them to the woods and they start hiking up a hill. Relina- My feet are starting to hurt! Can we rest? Adult #2- But we�ve only been going on for two minutes! Dorothy- Poor Miss Relina. Relina- Heero, your mission is to carry me! Heero- Mission�He looks at Relina. Denied. Duo- Heero, your mission is to carry ME!! Heero- Mission accepted. Duo- Really? Actually, I don�t want you to carry me. Relina- How come you accepted HIS mission but denied mine? Heero- It is my mission. Relina decided to ignore this. When they reached the top of the hill, they started pitching the tent. Catherine- Why are we stopping here? Is it because it�s a good place to stop? There�s a lot of space for me to practice in because I�m a clown because I�m a clown. I always live in tents because I�m a clown and we move from place to place because I�m a clown. Adult #2- Sarcastically. By any chance are you a clown? Catherine looked at Adult #2 as if Adult #2 was an idiot and just chose to ignore Adult #2. Who�s going to help me pitch the tent? No one showed any sign of wanting to or volunteering. Okay, FINE. Duo and Hilde collect some firewood. Catherine and Trowa explore. Quatre and Dorothy go fishing. Heero and Relina help me pitch the tent. Sally and Wufei build the fireplace. Duo- Sadly. We�re her SLAVES!! Hilde- No, she�s OUR slave!! They giggle and run off to get some firewood. Catherine- Why do I have to explore? I don�t want to explore because I�m a clown and clowns can do whatever they want because I�m a clown and Manager says that clowns don�t have to listen to anyone because I�m a clown. Trowa- But it would still be fun to explore. They go off and explore. Quatre- I�ve never gone fishing before! Dorothy- Don�t worry, it�s easy. I do it all the time with Miss Relina. Quatre- Why would we want to kill those poor fish? Dorothy- So we won�t go hungry. Quatre ponders this for a minute before going off with Dorothy to go fishing. Relina- Come on, Heero, let�s pitch the tent. Heero- You can�t tell me what to do. Relina- Oh, yes I can! Your mission is to help me and Adult #2 pitch the tent. Heero- Mission accepted. He snatches the tent away from Adult #2 and pitches it in seconds. Wufei- Why do I have to do everything with Sally?! Can�t I do it alone?! Sally- Now, now, my little person, if we were all alone all the time, who would we speak to? Wufei- No one! He crosses his arms and starts to cry. Adult #2- Um, okay. TWO HOURS LATER!! Duo- Um, is this enough firewood? He hands Adult #2 a stick. Hilde- I got TWO! She hands Adult #2 her two sticks. Adult #2 looks annoyed. Suddenly, Trowa and Catherine come back. Adult #2- What did you find? Catherine- We found a lot of stuff cause we�re clowns because clowns can find lots of stuff and I�m a clown. Trowa nods. Adult #2 looks even more annoyed. All of a sudden, Quatre and Dorothy come back all wet. Adult #2- PLEASE tell me that you got some fish! Quatre- Um, we were trying but we didn�t have anything to catch them with. Dorothy- After about two or three tries with a stick, we just played in the water for a little while until we had to come back. Adult #2- Well, at least the tent is pitched and the fireplace is made. Sally- Actually, my little person kept stealing the rocks and throwing them at me for no reason! Wufei- I�M NOT YOUR LITTLE PERSON!! Relina- I haven�t done anything yet! Duo- What have YOU done, Slave?! Hilde- YEAH! HEERO pitched the tent! Adult #2- Oh, be quiet. Good thing I brought these caned beans. All kids- EWWWW!! Adult #2- Well, if Dorothy and Quatre had caught some fish instead of played in the water then we�d be eating FISH! Not CANNED BEANS!! Duo- That�s okay, I don�t like fish ANYWAY!! All kids- YEAH!! Adult #2- Oh whatever. All in favor of going back to the camp raise your hand. Quatre- Well, I�m being eaten alive anyway� Dorothy- Whatever Miss Relina decides. Relina- Whatever Heero decides. Heero- I don�t care. Duo- Let�s go swimming! Hilde- YEAH! Sally- Me and my little person want to go back! Wufei- I�M NOT YOUR LITTLE PERSON!! Catherine- I want to go back because I�m a clown and clowns like to go back because I�m a clown. Trowa raises his hand. Adult #2- Thank you TROWA for raising your hand! I said RAISE YOUR HAND not MAKE A COMMENT!! Everyone else raises his or her hand. Okay, let�s go. Adult #2 leads them back to the camp. It�s now almost three so let�s eat lunch, play a game, eat dinner and then go to the cabin. There we will tell stories until bedtime. Duo and Hilde- IT�S NOT OUR BEDTIME!! Adult #2- It�s not bedtime YET. Hilde- Oh, okay! Adult #2 takes them all to the eating place. Adult #2- What does everyone want? Duo and Hilde- EVERYTHING!! Dorothy- What Miss Relina wants. Relina- What Heero wants. Heero- I don�t care. Sally- What do you want, my little person? Wufei- Hitting Sally on the head with his menu. READ THE MENU TO ME!! Sally starts reading the menu to Wufei. Wufei crosses his arms and barely listens at all. Catherine- Once again, I want clown food cause I�m a clown and you should know that cause I�m a clown. Quatre- I don�t know. I can�t read the menu. Trowa shrugs. Adult #2 looks annoyed. Adult #2- Fine, fine. I�ll just order everyone some sandwiches. Adult #2 orders everyone some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Duo- What�s this? Jelly?! I HATE jelly! Hilde- I hate peanut butter! YUCK! Dorothy- Do you like your sandwich, Miss Relina? Relina- Yes, thank you. Heero, do you like YOUR sandwich? Heero- Why do you care? Sally- Are you going to be able to finish that, my little person? Wufei- NO! I DIDN�T WANT THIS!! He tosses it at one of the kids at another table. Random kid at the other table named Bob- AHHHHHH!! He explodes. No one makes a comment or shows any sign of noticing. Catherine- Once again you didn�t give me clown food and I�m only supposed to eat clown food cause I�m a clown and clowns only eat clown food because I�m a clown. Quatre- The jelly is oozing out and getting all over my fingers and making them all sticky! Trowa bites into his sandwich silently. The rest of lunch finishes surprisingly in silence. Adult #2- Okay, we�re going to play KICK BALL!! Hilde and Duo- YAY!! Relina- How fun. Dorothy - I don�t want to mess up my hair! Heero- Mission accepted. Sally- Only if I get to be on my little person�s team! Wufei- ONLY IF I DON�T HAVE TO BE ON SALLY�S TEAM!! Catherine- I�ve never played kick ball before because I�m a clown and clowns don�t play kickball because they have to practice being a clown because I�m a clown. Quatre- Shouldn�t it be kick THE ball? Kickball doesn�t make any sense. Adult #2 takes all of them to the field with a kickball in hand. Adult #2- Okay, we�re going to pick teams. Duo and Catherine be captains. Duo- I PICK FIRST!! I PICK�HILDE!! Hilde runs up. Hilde- YAY!! WE�RE ON THE SAME TEAM AGAIN!! They dance in circles. Catherine- I pick Trowa because we�re both clowns and I�m a clown and so is he because we�re both clowns. Trowa stands next to Catherine. Duo- I pick Quatre! Quatre runs up. Catherine- Next I choose Relina because she�s my friend because I�m a clown. Relina stands next to Catherine and Trowa. Duo- Um�Wufei! Wufei wrenches his hand from Sally�s and runs up next to Duo, Hilde and Quatre. Catherine- And I choose Dorothy because I�m a clown. Dorothy walks up and stands next to Relina. Duo- And I GUESS I choose Heero! Heero doesn�t move. Heero, your mission is to play on our team! Heero- Mission accepted. He comes up and stands next to his other teammates. Catherine- And Sally is the last person so I guess she can be on the clown team because I�m a clown. Adult #2- Okay, what do you want your teams to be called? Duo- We�re the Cool People Team! Everyone on our team is cool except Heero and everyone on THAT team is stupid! He points at the other team as if they are something disgusting at the bottom of his shoe. They can be�THE STUPID TEAM!! Catherine- No, we�re the Clown Team because two of us are clowns and I�m one of the clowns because I�m a clown. Adult #2- So it�s The Cool People Team verses The Clown Team? Everyone- YEAH!! Adult #2- Okay. What team is up first? Hilde- US! BECAUSE WE�RE THE COOL PEOPLE TEAM!! The Cool People Team runs up to the batter place. Relina- I PITCH! I�M PITCHING! Adult #2- No, I�m doing all the pitching for both teams. Relina- THAT�S NOT FAIR!! Adult #2- Live with it. Who�s first? Duo- ME CAUSE I�M THE CAPTAIN!! Adult #2 rolls the ball to Duo. Duo kicks it and it rolls to the left. Trowa picks it up and throws it over to Catherine who is at first base. It slips right through her fingers and behind her. She runs and chases it and then throws it to Relina who is at second base. Relina misses it and it goes to the outfield. Sally throws it to third base only to find out later that no one was playing third because Dorothy, who was supposed to be playing third, was looking into a puddle and fixing her huge mass of hair. YAY!! HOMERUN!! Can I go again? Quatre- You have to give everyone ELSE a turn FIRST! Relina- Pay attention next time, Dorothy! Dorothy- Don�t be so selfish. Just because I was distracted for a minute� Hilde- I�m next! I�m next! Adult #2 rolls the ball to Hilde. Hilde kicks it right towards Dorothy who is making designs in the sand with her foot. Dorothy gets mad and kicks the ball off in another direction because the ball had ruined her design. Hilde is already home by the time Sally had retrieved it. YAY!! I�M THE BEST!! Duo and Hilde do a little victory dance. Adult #2- Who�s next? Quatre- ME! Adult #2 rolls the ball to Quatre. Quatre kicks it to the right to Catherine. Catherine runs up to get it but she was running too much like a clown that she kicked the ball farther away. She threw the ball to Relina. Relina missed but Sally got it. Sally threw it at Quatre instead of to Dorothy who was absentmindedly twirling her hair around her finger. The ball hit Quatre in the back, knocking him about twenty miles. He skidded across the ground and stayed there for a minute, obviously expecting someone to pick him up. He started crying loudly until Adult #2 finally came over and sat him down on the bench next to Wufei. Wufei stares at Quatre. Adult #2 took out some Band-Aids and put them on his cuts that were bleeding. Adult #2- Sally, I think an apology is in order! Sally- I�m sorry. Adult #2- That didn�t sound very sincere! Sally- Annoyed. I�m SORRY. Adult #2- Well Quatre? Quatre- Tears streaming down his face. I forgive you, Sally. Adult #2- We should get back to the game. Who�s next? Heero and Wufei didn�t show any sign of moving. ONE of you has to go next! Wufei- Heero, your mission is to go next. Heero- Mission accepted. He stood up and went over to home plate. Duo- YOUR MISSION IS TO HIT A HOMERUN!! Heero- Mission accepted. Adult #2 rolled the ball to Heero. Heero boomed the ball three million, trillion, billion, zillion miles away. He walked around the bases as Sally stupidly chased after the ball. He reached home when Sally reached the ball. Adult #2- Receiving the ball from Sally. Wow, good kick!! Heero didn�t show any sign of hearing her. Um�okay. Wufei, you have to go next. Wufei- Um�okay. Wufei figured that since Sally was in the outfield, she couldn�t get him. Sally- Hey, Relina, do you want to trade spots?! Relina- Okay! Relina moved into the outfield and Sally moved to second without anyone realizing. Adult #2- Ready Wufei? By now, all the Adults heard about Wufei�s temper and had to be really careful with him. Wufei nodded. Adult #2 rolled the ball to Wufei. Wufei kicked the ball to the left and ran to first because Dorothy had been braiding grass. He ran past Catherine and halfway to second, realized that Sally was playing second so he turned around and ran back to first. Trowa picked up the ball and threw it back to Adult #2. Duo- WRONG WAY WUFEI!! Hilde- That sounded funny! Duo- Wrong way�WUFEI! Wrong way�WUFEI!! Hilde and Duo chant that in unison in the background. Adult #2- Duo, you�re back up. Duo- YAY!! He ran up and kicked the ball to Dorothy�s side (because by now The Cool People Team was realizing a pattern). Dorothy watched the ball go by her. Meanwhile, Duo is trying to push Wufei off first base but Wufei is desperately staying there the best he could. Wufei! You gotta go to second!! Wufei- NO!! YOU go! I�ll stay here! During this, Trowa picked up the ball and threw it to first. Catherine, for once, caught the ball. Adult #2- Duo, your out! Duo- No I�m not! I�m doing what I was supposed to do! Catherine threw the ball to Sally who caught it. Adult #2- Wufei, you�re out too! Wufei- But�it�s�not fair!! Wufei started to cry. Sally walked over. Wufei immediately stopped crying and ran away from her. Adult #2- Okay, that�s three outs� Hilde- No, that�s only TWO!! Adult #2- No, one by Quatre, Duo and Wufei. Hilde- Duo didn�t get out! He was doing what he was supposed to do! Adult #2- It�s the Clown Team�s time up! Quatre plays outfield, Duo plays shortstop, Hilde plays third, Heero played first and Wufei played second. Who�s first on The Clown Team? Trowa went up and Adult #2 rolled the ball to him. He kicked the ball over Adult #2�s head over to the outfield. The ball hit Quatre right in the face because he was looking up and watching it coming down. He collapsed on the ground as the ball bounces to Wufei who caught it absentmindedly. Trowa, by then, was trying to get to second and got out. Hilde- YAY!! GOOD PLAY!! Quatre- WAAAAAAAA!! He starts rubbing his eyes and his face is all red for two reasons (crying and being hit in the face). After Quatre was comforted by Adult #2, they continued playing. Adult #2- Who�s next? Sally- ME!! Adult #2 rolled the ball to Sally who boomed the ball low and in the air at about fifty miles per hour. It whipped passed Adult #2 and Wufei and hit Quatre clear in the face AGAIN. This time Quatre did NOT sit up. Adult #2- ARE YOU OKAY?! Adult #2 runs over to Quatre and picks him up. He begins crying loudly and holding onto Adult #2 tightly. Okay, I don�t think we should play this game anymore. Relina- But I didn�t get a turn!! Dorothy- Me either! Catherine- I didn�t either but I don�t mind because clowns don�t mind because I�m a clown!! Adult #2- Well, if we play any longer, Quatre will probably die. Quatre- WHAT?! Adult #2- KIDDING!! Come on, it�s getting late anyway. Adult #2 takes them back to their cabin. After we hang out for a little while, we�ll eat dinner. Then, after that, we�ll come back and tell stories and stuff like that. Everyone stares blankly at Adult #2. Adult #2 sighs. Just go and do whatever your heart desires for a little while. Adult #2 opens the door. Quatre, who is still crying, runs after Adult #2 and forces Adult #2 to take him with Adult #2. Adult #2 sighs and picks up Quatre and leaves. Duo- Um�so what DO our little hearts desire? Hilde- Our little hearts desire�CANDY!! Duo and Hilde giggle. Duo- HEERO!! He points to Heero dramatically who sighs and annoyed sigh. Your mission is to get us CANDY! Heero- Mission accepted. He leaves. Relina- What will we do in the meantime? Dorothy- How about�Hide and Seek? Wufei- Trying to hide from Sally anyway. YEAH!! Everyone agrees. Catherine- I�ll be the seeker because I�m a clown and clowns like to be seekers because I�m a clown! She turns around and starts counting. Sally- Do you want me to help you find a hiding space, my little person? Wufei- NO!! He swings open the door and dashes up the path. Everyone else hides. Catherine- Ready or not here I come because I�m a clown and clowns come and I�m a clown. She starts looking around. Heero returns, dragging a giant bag behind him that�s bigger than him. Catherine runs over. Heero- Where�s everyone else? Catherine- I don�t know where because I�m a clown and I�ve been searching for them in a game of clown hide and seek and I�m the clown seeker because I�m a clown and I�m� Heero- Taking out his gun. Shut-up. Catherine shuts up for once. Come out everyone or I�ll shoot Catherine. No one comes out. Heero reaches his hand behind a desk and pulls out Hilde. Come out everyone or I�ll shoot Hilde. Everyone comes out. Duo- Oh GOODY! Our CANDY!! Duo grabs a piece and starts eating it. Relina- How did you get it? Heero- I shot the candy keeper person. Hilde- Oh, okay. She takes a piece. Sally- Wait, there IS no candy keeper person! Heero- Shrugging. Well, I shot SOMEONE. Voice from outside that sounds remarkably like Quatre- AHHHH!! THIS PERSON WAS SHOT!! Dorothy- You shot an innocent person!! Candy keeper person or NOT the person was still innocent. Heero- Same thing. The door swings open and Adult #2 is standing there. Everyone immediately moves in front of the candy except for Heero who stands where he was. Adult #2- HEAD ADULT WAS SHOT!! Heero- Head Adult, candy keeper person�He shrugs. SAME THING!! Heero smiles an evil, sideways twisted smile before exploding in diabolical laughter. Adult #2- This is a sad, sad day. Luckily, Quatre was there with a cell phone and the ambulance arrived JUST IN TIME!! Heero stops diabolically laughing and snaps his fingers. But, since Head Adult was shot in the chest, the chance of survival is very slim. I wonder who could do such a horrible deed!! Heero immediately starts laughing diabolically again. Um, do you need to see the camp counselor, Heero? Heero- Stopping and taking out his gun. You�re next. He�s about to shoot the gun but Adult #1 comes up behind him and picks him up. Adult #1 steals the gun away from Heero and tosses it to Adult #2. Heero starts kicking and trying to get free but Adult #1 takes him down to the camp therapist. Quatre walks back in the door, sees Adult #2 with the gun, and starts crying again. Quatre- WE SHOULDN�T BE FIGHTING AT ALL!! He starts crying harder. YOU shot that person!! Adult #2- No, this is HEERO�S gun. HE shot Head Adult!! Quatre- But WHY!? We shouldn�t be fighting at all!! Adult #2- You�re right. That�s why kids like him end up in the camp therapist�s office. Quatre smiles and stops crying. Now, for the rest of you� Duo- WHAT CANDY?! Adult #2- Huh? Uh, whatever. Hilde- There�s no candy behind us!! Adult #2- Whatever!! Come on, let�s go eat. Adult #2 opens the door. They start walking only to come across Wufei who is hiding behind a tree. Wufei- YOU DIDN�T SEE ME!! Adult #2- Uh, whatever. Come on. Sally grabs Wufei. Wufei- HELP!! Adult #2 takes them into the eating room for dinner. Adult #2- I�m not even going to bother asking what everyone wants� Quatre- But you don�t WANT to know our opinion?! Adult #2- Well, so far all you�ve said is �I don�t care� or something!! Quatre- On the verge of tears. YOU STILL SHOULD ASK FOR OUR OPINION!! Adult #2- FINE!! What do you all want?! Quatre- I don�t care. Adult #2- Not giving anyone else a chance. WE�LL TAKE TEN PLATES OF CHICKEN!! The waiter guys come and give them food. Wufei- I HATE chicken! I don�t want chicken! Chicken�s GROSS!! Everyone ignores Wufei and eats their dinner. Adult #2- BACK to the cabin!! Adult #2 takes them back to the cabin and shuts off all the lights. Quatre- AHHHH!! I HATE THE DARK!! Adult #2- Don�t worry! Adult #2 lights a candle. Everyone sits in a circle and Adult #2 puts the candle in the middle. No one touch this candle, okay? Everyone promised but they all secretly want to touch the candle and they probably will eventually. We�re going to tell stories. Who wants to go first? Just then, the door opens and the camp therapist walks in holding Heero�s hand. Heero is smiling happily. Heero- May I please join your story telling?! Adult #2- Sure! Come and sit by me. Heero- OKAY!! He skips over and sits down next to Adult #2 and crosses his legs Indian style. Adult #2- We were just waiting for volunteers to tell the first story. The camp therapist leaves. So, who wants to tell the first story? Heero- I hope we don�t tell SCARY stories! I don�t WANT to hear scary stories!! Quatre- Me either!! Wufei- LIFE IS SCARY ENOUGH!! Sally- Oh, let me cuddle with you then! Wufei- YOU make life scary!! Duo- Let�s tell scary stories JUST to annoy Heero and Quatre!! Hilde- YAY!! Who can tell the scariest story, though?! Relina- What KIND of scary story? Dorothy- Murder? Ghosts? War? Misfortune? Catherine- That sounds like a good idea because I�m a clown and clowns like to listen to scary stories and I�m a clown!! Heero- If we listen to scary stories, could I sit it out?! Quatre- YEAH!! Adult #2- No, this is a GROUP activity! Heero- Then could I sit in your lap? Adult #2- Okay. Quatre- Me too!! Quatre and Heero giggle as they share Adult #2�s lap. Adult #2- Who�s first? Duo- I�LL go first!! Okay, once there was this guy named Bob. Hilde bursts out laughing. Duo tries to hold back his laughing. Anyway, Bob was�Hilde laughs harder. Duo giggles. Bob was walking around�Duo starts laughing uncontrollably. Adult #2- Um, I have a good idea. How about we do a pass on story? I�ll start. Once there was a little boy named� Duo and Hilde- BOB!! They laugh. Adult #2- No, this is MY part of the story. Okay, once there was a little boy named MARK!! Mark was five years old and tomorrow was his birthday. Pass. Heero- Mark had lots of friends because he was a happy person and he never lied! He ate his vegetables and did whatever his parents told him to do! Pass. Quatre- Mark was so excited that his birthday was tomorrow! He couldn�t wait to get his presents and see his family members and all his friends!! Pass. Duo- SO HE CHANGED HIS NAME TO BOB!! Duo and Hilde laugh. PASS!! Hilde- Then BOB went to bed early that night because he was so stupid!! Pass!! Catherine- Bob hoped that he would get a clown suit for his birthday because he always wanted to be a clown and I�m a clown. Pass. Sally- That night, Bob dreamed about how his party would turn out! Pass! Wufei- Bob also had a big sister who was TWELVE! He HATED her!! He didn�t want her ruining his birthday so he KILLED her! Her named was SALLY! Pass. Trowa- Bob then realized the bad deed that he did so he blamed it on his little brother, Larry. Pass. Adult #2 reads the chalkboard to everyone. Relina- Larry was sent to jail and Bob was really upset. He wished he never killed his sister. Pass. Dorothy- Bob visited Larry the next day on his birthday. Pass. Adult #2- Bob wanted to confess but he was afraid of getting in trouble. Pass. Heero- Bob decided to change his name BACK to Mark! He was very happy with the name Mark! Pass. Quatre- Mark shared all his presents with Larry. He then talked to Larry and told him what he had done and that he was sorry. Larry loved Mark SO much that he didn�t tell on him! Pass! Duo- SO MARK AND LARRY CHANGED THEIR NAMES TO BOB!! PASS!! Hilde- Then they brought SALLY back to life and she changed her name to Bob, too!! PASS!! Catherine- MarkBob then gave LarryBob and SallyBob some clown suits because he�s a clown and so am I and he felt that they wanted to be ones too! Who doesn�t?! Pass. Sally- SallyBob changed her name back to Sally and MarkBob changed his name to Wufei and they loved each other. Pass. Wufei- Actually, they didn�t. Sally DIED!! Wufei was REALLY happy!! Pass! Trowa- But when LarryBob put on his clown suit, he performed for everyone. Pass. Adult #2 reads the chalkboard. Relina- Wufei also had ANOTHER sister and her name was Relina! LarryBob changed his name to Heero and they were BEST friends!! Pass. Dorothy- Relina�s OTHER best friend�s name was DOROTHY!! Pass. Adult #2- So ANYWAY, the family got Heero out of jail and they all forgave Wufei for lying because Wufei was always a nice kid. Pass. Heero- Heero was ESPECIALLY forgiving because Wufei was a great brother and Heero didn�t mind if Wufei lied a LITTLE bit! Pass. Quatre- But we shouldn�t be lying so Wufei promised NEVER to lie again! Pass. Duo- AND THEY ALL CHANGED THEIR NAMES BACK TO BOB!! PASS!! Hilde- AND ALL THE BOBS KILLED EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY�RE STUPID!! THE END!! Heero- That was fun! Let�s play again! Adult #2- Uh�no. Looks at watch. It�s time for bed anyway. Quatre- YAY!! Everyone looks at him. I mean�darn? Heero- No, I want to go to bed too!! Relina- And because Heero does, I want to!! Dorothy- And because Miss Relina does, I do too!! Quatre- YAY!! Adult #2- Everyone into their own rooms!! Everyone runs into their rooms and climbs into bed. Goodnight everyone!! As soon as Adult #2 leaves, Hilde runs into the boy�s rooms. Sally runs in too and grabs Wufei and runs back into the girl�s room, Wufei crying the whole way. Hilde takes Wufei�s bed. Duo- Okay, so what are we going to do TONIGHT?! Heero- Let�s all go to sleep like we were told!! Quatre- YEAH!! Hilde- WHERE�S THE FUN IN THAT?! Trowa shrugs and rolls over. Quatre and Heero both ignore Hilde and Duo and try to go to sleep. Duo- Let�s go camping OUTSIDE!! Hilde- YEAH!! Hilde and Duo run outside. TWENTY MINUTES LATER!! Hilde and Duo walk in complaining about how many bug bites they have and how cold it is outside. Everyone, by this time, is asleep. There is a sound from the corner. Hilde and Duo creep over to it to find Wufei with a stick and decorating the corner that he�s in with vines and pictures of warriors. Duo- Hiya, Wuffie! Wufei jumps. When he turns around, he has a relieved look on his face. Wufei- Good, I thought you were Sally for a minute there. He turns around and continues with his designs. Hilde- Why are you out here?! Wufei- Without turning around. Sally. Duo and Hilde nod. Duo- Why are you still awake?! Wufei- Someone stole my sleeping pills. I can�t get to sleep even if I wanted to. Hilde- Why? Wufei- Because I have a sleeping disorder. Duo- Why? Wufei- I don�t know, I just do. Hilde- Why? Wufei- Could you stop this? Duo and Hilde- Why? Wufei- Cause it�s getting on my nerves! Duo and Hilde collapse in laughter. SH!! You�ll wake up Sally! Duo and Hilde laugh as they re-enter the boy�s room, leaving Wufei all alone again. THE NEXT MORNING AT ABOUT FIVE A.M.!! Heero- Waking up and rubbing his head. What a nightmare. I think I need a glass of water. He stood up and opened the door only to see the camp therapist standing there. So it WASN�T a dream!! NO!! NOT YOU!! AHHHH!! The camp therapist had brought a couple of big people that look like Neanderthals along. The Neanderthals grabbed Heero and he was dragged off to the camp therapist�s office. When there, they sat Heero down in a chair. Camp Therapist- Hello Heero. Heero- No more, PLEASE no more!! Camp Therapist- Don�t worry. You won�t get a dose of Quatre again. Heero- What do you mean? Camp Therapist- You see, we took DNA from all the kids in your group. Yesterday, we called your mother and she said it would be okay for us to use you for an experiment. Actually, she asked US to run the experiment. Anyway, after your mother called, we felt that was a good time to run the test and we launched some of Quatre�s DNA into you. Heero- You WHAT? Camp Therapist- We launched some of Quatre�s DNA into you. Heero sighs, annoyed. This time, we�re going to launch some of Trowa. Heero- Eyes getting wide. What? Camp Therapist- This time, we�re going to launch some of Trowa. Heero sighs again. It won�t hurt. Heero sighs, somewhat relieved. Now hold still. Heero puts out his arm and watches the needle go into his arm. The liquid in the bottle marked �TROWA� slowly spills into him. Now, it won�t take effect for a couple of minutes. It should start working by the time you get back to your cabin. The Camp Therapist puts a Band-Aid on Heero�s arm where he was injected and then looks at Heero. Do you want a lollipop? Heero- No. What do I look like, a kid? Camp Therapist- Uh, maybe. Run along now! Heero gets out of the chair. Oh, by the way, you might need this. The Camp Therapist hands Heero a chalkboard. Heero takes it and walks out the door. AT NINE THIRTY THAT MORNING!! All the kids wake up and go outside. They look around for Adult #2 but, they see someone ELSE instead. It�s Adult #3 standing there. Adult #3- Hello everyone!! Everyone groans. What�s wrong? I know I�m your third leader but Adult #2 asked me EVER SO NICELY to change! I can�t imagine WHY though because you look like a nice group of kids! Now, can all of you tell me your names? Duo- I�m HILDE!! Hilde- I�m DUO!! There is a long pause while everyone stares and the two. Adult #3- Was warned about them by Adult #2 and Adult #1 so Adult #3 doesn�t believe them. What about everyone else? Quatre- My name is Quatre! Dorothy- My name is Dorothy and this is Miss Relina. She points to Relina. Relina- That�s me!! Catherine- I�m Catherine and I�m a clown. Sally- I�m Sally and this is my little person, Wufei! Wufei- I�m NOT your little person!! I�m not LITTLE either!! Trowa- My name is Trowa. Heero- And my name is Heero. Everyone stares at Heero who shrugs. Adult #3- Uh�okay. Let�s go eat breakfast and then we�re going to go� SWIMMING!! All the kids cheer. The first part of the day will be instructional swim but the REST of the day will be free swim where you get to do whatever you want!! The kids cheer again. Come on!! Adult #3 takes them all to the eating place. What does everyone want? Wufei- CHICKEN!! I WANT CHICKEN!! Adult #3- We had chicken for dinner yesterday. Plus, chicken isn�t a breakfast. Wufei- I WANT CHICKEN!! Adult #3 orders pancakes for them. Adult #3- This sure looks good! Wufei- Angrily. What?! This is not CHICKENS!! This is PANCAKE!! Sally- Oh, my little person, your grammar is so poor! By the end of this week, you�ll be ALLLLLL better!! Wufei- I am not your little PANCAKE! I�m a CHICKENS!! Now bring me my persons!! He starts banging the table. Sally- Oh, my little pancake!! That�s so much cuter! Adult #3- Just eat your pancakes. Wufei- NO!! He picks up the plate and throws it at another kid at another table. The kid explodes and no one notices. He then looks really upset. Not having chicken for breakfast leaves me feeling so�empty. RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! He then slams his head on the table. Adult #3- Um�Adult #3 scans clipboard. Okay, that was Wufei�yes�I see. Temper. Will someone take him down to the nurse? Wufei- Chicken�chicken�my little pancake�I want persons� Adult #3- Staring at Wufei uneasily. Uh�who wants to take him? Duo- He has a sleeping disorder. He told us. Hilde- He�s just REALLY tired. Adult #3- Still. Looks at clipboard. Heero�aggressive�Trowa�mute�Duo and Hilde�Looks at them. Hyper�Quatre�cries easily�Dorothy�clueless� Relina�believes she�s a queen�Catherine�constantly talking about how she�s a clown�Wufei�a temper�and Sally�obsessed with Wufei. Hmm�who would be the best to send with a little boy who thinks he�s a pancake? Wufei- Head still slammed on the table. I�m not a CHICKENS!! I�m a PANCAKES!! BRING ME MY PERSONS!! Adult #3- Trowa, do you want the privilege of taking Wufei down to the nurse�s office? Trowa shrugs. Of course you do. Go on. Trowa gets up and Wufei follows him, head low. FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER!! Nurse- Why hello, Mrs. Chang! Nurse holds out hand for Wufei Mom to shake. Wufei Mom stares at Nurse�s hand until Nurse finally lowers it. Anyway, I came to tell you that your son is acting up. He is demanding things and throwing things, yelling, kicking and behaving badly. He seems exhausted. I don�t think he�s slept at all since he arrived at camp. We caught him with some sleeping drugs but of course, we confiscated them. I thought you might want to know. Do you want to talk to him? Wufei Mom stares blankly at Nurse. Wufei Mom- Struggling. Where Wufei? Nurse takes Wufei Mom into the other room where Wufei is lying down on a little bed, staring at the wall. There are tearstains on his cheeks. Wufei! Wufei- Mom? He gets up. They�re being so mean to me here! Take me home!! Wufei Mom- I don�t know what the nurse told me. Could you explain everything that you did? Wufei Mom sits on a chair across from Wufei. Wufei explains what was going on and he even told Wufei Mom about Sally and the little person issue. Nurse- Does your mother speak any English, Wufei? Wufei- Turning to Nurse. I don�t think that�s any of YOUR business!! He then goes back to talking to his mother. Nurse does the shaking of the head and leaves the two alone. And they took my sleeping pills so I can�t go to sleep!! Wufei Mom- I TOLD you to be careful with those! I don�t have any others! Wufei, you dishonor me. Wufei starts sniffing as he apologizing to his mother. I�ll go to the store and get some but they won�t get them for me until Friday! Wufei- But it�s only Wednesday! What will I do till then?! Wufei Mom- Perhaps this is a good lesson for you. She gets up and leaves. Nurse- Wufei, I think you should go to your activities. They�re at the lake right now. Wufei gets up. Before he leaves, he kicks over a chair and slams the door as hard as he can. AT THE LAKE!! Adult #3 takes out a clipboard with writing about everyone on sheets of paper. Heero Yuy: He can swim only underwater. He doesn�t know any strokes and if you teach him any, we will track you down and kill you. Duo Maxwell: Trowa Barton: He can do everything. We would appreciate it if you put him in a higher group. Thank you. Quatre Raberba-Winner: My son cannot swim at all. Don�t make him go in any water over his head. Let him wear his swimmys. If he wants to stop let him stop. If you have any arguments, please see money enclosed in envelope. Thank you ever so much. Chang Wufei: We don�t understand the question. We can only speak and read Chinese. Please ask Wufei himself. Relina Peacecraft: Relina can swim if she wants to. Don�t force her to. Hilde: Hilde is an okay swimmer. Please place her in a normal level. Thank you. Catherine Bloom: My daughter is a clown and clowns shouldn�t have to do anything they don�t want to do because she�s a clown and if you do make her do anything that clowns don�t want to do then the wrath of the clown will fall upon you. If my clown doesn�t want to swim, don�t make her. Dorothy Catalonia: She is a bad swimmer. Keep a close eye on her. Please put her hair up before she goes in the water. Sally Po: Sally is a good swimmer. She could be better but she�s pretty average. Adult #3- Heero Yuy? You don�t want to learn any skills? Heero- What do you mean? Adult #3- Um�all right. Heero- I am a very good swimmer. I know all strokes. Adult #3- Okay. Is there a Duo Maxwell here? Duo- That�s me! Adult #3- There�s nothing here under your name. Did your parents not fill out the form? Duo- They�re too busy to fill out some stupid form. Adult #3- How are your swimming skills? Duo- Just as good as Hilde�s!! Adult #3 scans the list and looks at Hilde�s name. Adult #3- Okay. Next�Trowa Barton? It says here that you�re a perfect swimmer. Trowa- This is true. Adult #3- What are you going to do during lessons? Trowa- I could do demonstrations or help you out. Adult #3- Okay. Examines the money sent from Quatre Mom. Oh�Where�s Quatre Raberba Winner? Quatre- I�m right here! Adult #3- Do you want to go swimming? Quatre- Not really. Adult #3- Okay. You don�t have to. Quatre smiles. Adult #3 looks down the clipboard and studies the writing from Wufei Mom. Does anyone here know Chinese? Where�s Wufei? Just then, Wufei storms over to the bench and sits down with his arms crossed. Are you Wufei? Wufei- NO! I�m WUFEI! Adult #3- Okay. Can you read Chinese? Wufei- DUH!! Who can�t? Stupid Americans�He goes up and reads what his parents wrote to Adult #3. Adult #3- Thank you Wufei. What are your swimming skills? Wufei- I�m not telling. He crosses his arms and looks away. Adult #3- Okay, we�ll just put you in level one just to be safe. Adult #3 looks at the list. Relina Peacecraft? Is this some sort of joke? Relina- No, my mother told me that I didn�t HAVE to swim if I didn�t want to. Adult #3- Okay. How about Hilde? Do you have a last name? Hilde- In the �DUH� tone. YEAH! Adult #3- What is it? Hilde- Copying Wufei. I�m not telling! Duo and Hilde start laughing. Actually, it�s just so hard to spell and no one can ever pronounce it anyway so my mom never bothers to write it anymore. Adult #3- Okay. Catherine Bloom? There�s so much writing about clowns that I don�t understand what your parents are trying to say. Catherine- I�m a clown. Adult #3- Okay. Adult #3 ignores her. Dorothy? Okay�this isn�t too hard. Is your hair up? Dorothy- No, I need help. Adult #3- Bob, help Dorothy with her hair. Bob- A braid? Duo- I HAVE THE BRAID!! Dorothy- A braid will be fine. Adult #3- Okay. And, finally, Sally Po. Adult #3 reads. I don�t have any questions for you, actually. Your parents were actually very clear. Sally- Good. Adult #3- Okay, let�s get started!! Adult #3 takes them all to the lake except for Quatre, Catherine and Relina who sit out. Okay, we�re going to start with treading water. Any volunteers? Heero and Trowa both raise their hands. Okay, you two. Heero and Trowa start treading instead of holding onto the dock. Quatre- Can I play?! I don�t want to be stuck with the clown and the queen of the world wanna be! Adult #3- Sure! Quatre comes into the water leaving Catherine and Relina alone on the shore. All right. Heero, Trowa, you said that you knew all strokes. Will you show us the�front crawl? Heero and Trowa nod. Duo- To Hilde while Adult #3 explains what Heero and Trowa are doing. This is so boring! What do you say we slip away unnoticed and return at�around LUNCH time? Hilde- Where will we go? Duo- I�ll spell it out for you. K-A�well�CANDY!! Hilde- We�ll go to candy? Duo- We�ll go to the place WITH the candy!! You know, our CABIN?! Duo and Hilde slip away unnoticed and run off to the cabin. Adult #3- Did everyone see how Heero and Trowa did it? Everyone nods even though they didn�t see. GOOD!! Now, I want you all to try it. They all stare blankly at Adult #3. Well? Let�s go! Um�who wants to go first? No one volunteers. Come on! If no one volunteers then I�ll have to pick someone at random!! Still no one. Adult #3 points to Sally. Sally- No, I can�t. I have to comfort my little pancake because he�s scared of the water. Wufei- I�M NOT YOUR LITTLE PANCAKE OR YOUR LITTLE PANCAKE!! Sally giggles. She�s so dense that she doesn�t realize that Wufei is EXTREMLY tired and cranky and giggling at him and making fun of him and making him do things that he doesn�t want to do won�t make matters better. Adult #3- Fine. Dorothy, you do it. Dorothy- Do what? Adult #3- Whatever. Quatre, you have to do it. Quatre- But I just want to sit in the water and not do ANYTHING!! Adult #3- Remembering the money. Okay. Wufei? Wufei- NO!! He starts splashing Adult #3. Adult #3- Sally, restrain him. Sally grabs his wrists as Wufei starts crying loudly. Sally- Calm down, my little pancake!! The water is FUN!! Wufei- I hate waters and pancake. Sally- Oh, you�re so silly my little pancake! Wufei- Crying loudly. I�m not a pancake! I�m a human bean! Sally giggles. Adult #3 looks at the unenthusiastic group. Adult #3- I have an idea! Let�s swim out to that raft and play out there! Adult #3 points to a raft out about 100 yards into the lake. The group looks out at the raft that they can all barely see really far away. Duo and Hilde return unnoticed while giggling loudly about something obscure that only THEY could possibly even find remotely funny. Especially after inhaling an enormous bag of candy. Duo- Look at how stupid this stupid water is! Hilde- I know! It�s so stupid and very stupid and�STUPID!! They both burst out laughing. Adult #3 tries to ignore them. Adult #3- Okay, ready to go out to the raft? Everyone stares at Adult #3. The silence is finally broken when Trowa and Heero both swim out at the same time. Relina sees that Heero is not nearby anymore so she jumps into the water and swims after him. Dorothy swims after her and then Catherine jumps in the water not wanting to be alone on the shore. Sally then pulls Wufei into the water and drags him toward the raft. Adult #3 dives in and swims after everyone else only to find Duo and Hilde under the water grabbing her legs. Quatre, seeing that he is alone, jumps in and doggy paddles frantically after everyone. Adult #3 stops and pulls Duo and Hilde above the water as they gasp for air and laugh hysterically. Hilde- How did you know we were there?! Adult #3- It�s impossible to swim with you holding onto my legs. Duo- Well, it�s impossible for us to swim without holding your legs!! They start laughing hysterically and start choking on the water. When they got to the raft, they all climbed on top of it and rested. Adult #3- Now that wasn�t so bad, was it? Duo- YES!! It was STUPID!! Hilde- VERY stupid!! They would have started laughing but they were to tired so they just smiled at each other. Dorothy- How was YOUR swim, Miss Relina? Relina- I don�t know, how was Heero�s swim? Heero shrugs. Catherine- I know how to swim because I�m a clown and clowns know how to do that kind of stuff because I�m a clown. Sally- My little pancake was on my back more of the time but he fell off once!! Everyone looks around. Adult #3- Where is Wufei anyway? Sally- Oh NO!! Not my little pancake!! Everyone starts calling for Wufei. Quatre- He�s DEAD!! Quatre starts crying loudly. Adult #3- Wait, look�Adult #3 points to the water as bubbles start coming out from underneath the raft. HE�S UNDER THE RAFT!! Everyone- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Adult #3- Quiet Everyone!! Duo- Yeah, be quiet Everyone!! Everyone- Sorry. Hilde- YEAH!! You�re always coming up out of nowhere!! Be quiet!! Everyone- Sor-ry!! Adult #3- Who will save Wufei?! Heero and Trowa both dive into the water and emerge later with Wufei in Trowa�s arms. DOES ANYONE KNOW CPR?! Duo- CPR?! I CAN�T EVEN SPELL IT!! Duo and Hilde look at each other for a second before exploding with laughter. Quatre- Still crying. This is not a funny time!! All of a sudden, Wufei coughs up some water. Wufei- What, you�re all dead too?! He quickly gets out of Trowa�s arms. Dorothy- You�re not dead, Wufei. Wufei- But I saw Death! I saw THE LIGHT!! He looks at Sally. TAKE ME DEATH!! He goes to jump into the water again but Heero grabs his legs. KILL ME! KILL ME!! SHOOT ME, HEERO!! Heero stares blankly at Wufei. Sally- Oh, my little pancake!! I was SOOOO worried!! She takes Wufei away from Heero and starts cradling him to �calm him down�. Instead, he screams louder and kicks around. Adult #3- All right�let�s just �continue� with the lesson. Everyone in the water! Everyone eases into the water. Except Duo and Hilde who cannon ball, Heero and Trowa who dive and Relina and Dorothy who attempt to copy Heero. (Actually, Relina was copying Heero and Dorothy was copying Relina.) Now, it�s a little deep so� Quatre- HELP!! I�M DROWNEDING!! Adult #3- How can you be drowning if you have swimmys on? Quatre- Oh, okay. Never mind. He smiles at Adult #3 but his expression soon changes to horror. SOMETHING JUST SWAM BY MY LEG!! AHHHHHHHH!! Adult #3- It was probably just a fish. Nothing to get worked up about. Duo- I bet it was mutant sea bass named BOB!! Quatre- AHHHH!! MUTANT SEA BASS NAMED BOB!! He quickly pulls himself up on the raft and hugs his knees. Adult #3, remembering the bribery, didn�t stop him. Wufei- Crying. Just let me DIE!! Sally smiles as she uses one hand to tread water and the other hand to hold Wufei. Relina- Look on the bright side, Wufei. Wufei- BRIGHT SIDE?! WHAT BRIGHT SIDE?! Relina- Well, now you don�t have to swim!! Wufei considers this. Wufei- It�s NOT worth it!! Adult #3- Looking at waterproof watch. Okay, we have a couple more hours until lunch. Let�s work on the front crawl. Trowa, Heero, show them how it�s done. Trowa and Heero go out without a word (of course) and start demonstrating. See how they breathe on the same side each time? Look, they time their strokes. Heero does two strokes then a breath and Trowa does four. Everyone is different. Now, look how they kick their legs. They don�t make a big splash or anything and they�re doing something similar as if they were trying to kick free of something. Sally- My little pancake would be very good at that! While Adult #3 explains more of the stroke, Duo and Hilde climb onto the raft. Quatre- Did Adult #3 let you sit out too? Duo- SH!! We�re doing something top secret!! Duo and Hilde both grab the little life preserver thingy. Quatre- Can I come too? Hilde- NO! Just me and Duo! Quatre- Then I�m telling!! He starts motioning as if he�s going to tell but Duo and Hilde finally agree and they all start kicking their feet and moving farther out the lake. Actually, I wanna go back. I�m scared and I don�t want the mutant sea bass named Bob to get me! Duo- Tough! If we go back now, Adult #3 will see us and not let us go again! Plus, I made up that mutant sea bass named Bob thing. Quatre- Then what swam by my leg? Hilde- I don�t know! I just know that it wasn�t a mutant sea bass named Bob! Quatre- But I still want to go back cause the dark water is scaring me! Duo- Then swim back ALL BY YOURSELF!! Quatre- But I don�t want to! I don�t want to be all by myself! Quatre starts crying softly. Hilde- We weren�t serious! Just be quiet! Quatre wipes his eyes and stops crying. But we�re not going back! They continue to paddle. They get off at a dock that was on the other side. They start running down the path. Quatre- Where are we going? Are we gonna go back yet? I�m scared! My feet hurt! I�m not used to walking around in bare feet! We should have stayed with Adult #3�! Duo and Hilde- SHUT-UP!! Quatre- You�re so mean! They eventually stop at a cabin. Hilde- This isn�t our cabin! What cabin is this? Duo- Squinting at the sign. Um�I think I should give QUATRE a chance to read it cause I ALWAYS read everything! Quatre- Um�okay. Zong�? Duo- I knew it. Hilde- Zong? That�s STUPID!! They open the door and step inside. It looks exactly like theirs with the boys� room on one side and the girls� room on the other side and the bathroom. They look around for a minute before the door slams behind them. All of a sudden, three teenage girls come running out. Random Girl #1- Oh! How cute! Random Girl #2- How did these little kids make it ALL THE WAY to the random side of the camp? Random Girl #3- They�re so cute! Do you kids know where you are? Hilde- Uh�the random side of the camp? Duo- Do you have any candy?! The girls sigh dreamily. Random Girl #1- Come on! Come to our room. They each grab one of the kids� hands and lead them into the girls� room. Random Girl #2- How did you get here? There�s an entire lake between the two sides of the camp. Quatre- We swam and braved the mutant sea bass named Bob! Random Girl #3- How cute! Quatre- Confused. No, I�m serious. All Random Girls- HOW CUTE!! Duo- So where�s the candy? Random Girl #1- HOW CUTE!! Duo, Quatre and Hilde look at each other. Random Girl #2- So, little girl, are these cute little boys your BOYFRIENDS? Hilde- Making a face. NO!! And Duo�s not a boy, he�s a DUO. And I�m not a girl, I�m a HILDE. The girls look at each other and smile. Random Girl #3- So, what are all of your names? Hilde- Duo! Duo- Hilde! Quatre- I�m Quatre! And that�s Hilde and that�s Duo. They�re just saying that cause they do it all the time. All Random Girls- HOW CUTE!! Duo- Whispering to Hilde and Quatre. They�re starting to get on my nerves. Hilde and Quatre nod in agreement. Random Girl #1- So do you want us to take you back to your camp leader? Your cabin? Random Girl #2- They have to leave before�Just then, the door slams shut. Too late! They�re here! Random Girl #3- Hide them! Hurry! The Random Girls try to shove Duo in their bag, Hilde under the bed and Quatre in a drawer but they�re crying and screaming. Just then, the girls� door swings open and there are three boys standing there looking punkish. Random Boy #1- Who were those voices we heard in here?! Random Girls- NO ONE!! Random Boy #2- We KNOW we heard something! Random Girls- It was�um�US!! YEAH!! IT WAS US!! Random Boy #1- Um�why is there sounds coming from your bag, Random Girl #1? Random Girl #1- Um�it�s my FURBY!! Random Boy #1- Your Furby doesn�t usually sound like a crying four-year-old. Random Girl #1- It�s a NEW one! It�s called�Realistico Furbyo! Random Boy #1- Would you mind if I took a look at this Realistico Furbyo thing of yours? Random Girl #1- Yes, I WOULD mind! It�s taking a nap! Random Boy #1 shoves Random Girl #1 aside and opens the bag. Random Boy #1- Oh, and since when is THIS a Furby?! He pulls Duo out of the bag by his braid. Duo starts crying harder and swatting at Random Boy #1. Random Boy #2- RANDOM GIRL #2?! DO YOU HAVE A SCREAMING CHILD UNDER YOUR BED AS WELL?! He goes straight over to the bed and pulls Hilde out. HOW COULD YOU?! Random Boy #3 doesn�t even bother asking Random Girl #3 about screaming Quatre in her drawer because he goes over and opens it up. Quatre takes one look at Random Boy #3 and screams louder and trying to shift himself backwards. Random Girl #3- LEAVE THEM ALONE!! She grabs Quatre before Random Boy #3 can and starts cradling him in her arms and trying to quiet him down. Random Girl #2 grabs Hilde and Random Girl #1 pries Random Boy #1�s hand from around Duo�s hair and grabs him. All Random Boys- WHY ARE ALL OF YOU RANDOM GIRLS BEING SO CONSTIPATED?! All Random Girls- WHY ARE ALL OF YOU RANDOM BOYS BEING FAGS?! As the Random Boys and the Random Girls fight, Duo, Hilde and Quatre slip away and run away as fast as they can. When they finally think they�re far enough away, they stop and rest. Duo- That�was�so scary!! Quatre bursts into tears. Quatre- I wanna go home!! Hilde- Where are we?! I can�t see the lake from here! Duo- We musta run in the opposite direction! Quatre- WE�LL NEVER GET HOME!! Hilde- Um�okay�let�s just look around�study our surroundings� Duo- I don�t know where we are!! Do you Hilde?! Hilde shakes her head. Do you Quatre?! Quatre shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! Quatre- My mom always told me to stay in one place if your lost and wait for someone to find you! Duo- She WOULD! Hilde- I don�t agree! I think we should go and look for someone! They all start looking around until they come across another cabin. Let�s NOT go in this one! As soon as she said this, three teenage girls walk out. Teenage Girl #1- HOW CUTE!! Duo & Hilde & Quatre- AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Teenage Girl #2- Don�t worry us Teenage Girls are a lot nicer than Random Girls! Duo, Hilde and Quatre sigh in relief. Teenage Girl #3- Welcome to the TEENAGE side of camp!! Do you want to come to our activities with us? Hilde- Right now we�re trying to get back� Teenage Girl #1- We�ll take you back AFTER! Teenage Girl #2- After our activities, we�re going to the little kids side of the camp to eat lunch with them because for some reason the Adults have been complaining about too much work! Teenage Girl #3- Have you been crying? She picks up Quatre. Quatre- Yes. Teenage Girl #3- Don�t worry! We�re going to play volleyball right now! Do you kids want to come? Duo- Volleyball? I play that ALL THE TIME!! I�m a PRO! Hilde- Yeah, me too! Quatre- Okay. Teenage Girl #1 takes Duo�s hand and Teenage Girl #2 takes Hilde�s hand they lead them to a volleyball court with three teenage boys playing with two on one side and one on the other. All Teenage Girls- GUESS WHO�S GONNA PLAY WITH US?! All Teenage Boys- WHO?! All Teenage Girls- THESE THREE!! All Teenage Boys- COOL!! Teenage Girl #1- Okay, I�m gonna play on Teenage Boy #1 and Teenage Boy #2�s team. You can play with us. She takes Duo on one side. Teenage Girl #2- And me, Teenage Boy #3, Teenage Girl #3, little girl and little blond boy� Quatre- I don�t want to play. Can I sit out? Teenage Girl #3- Okay. Quatre goes and sits on the side. So it�s just me, Teenage Boy #3, Teenage Girl #2 and little girl will play on THIS side!! All Teenage People- YAY!! Teenage Boy #1- Who�s serve? Teenage Boy #2- You can go first. Teenage Boy #3- Why thank you! Teenage Boy #3 serves and the ball is sent over the net. Teenage Boy #2 hits the ball back to them. Teenage Girl #3 hits it back. It sails right over to Duo who hits it. The ball is sent to the side out of bounds and it hits Quatre in the face. Quatre- OW!! He starts crying and rubbing his eyes. Teenage Girl #3 runs over and starts comforting him. Teenage Boy #2- Looking at his watch. Let�s stop the game and make our way over to the little kids side. The Teenage People lead the kids to the lake. They all get life jackets on and get in a motor boat. They ride across the lake and dock at the other side. Quatre- WE�RE BACK!! YAY!! They see Adult #3 looking around. Adult #3- THERE YOU GUYS ARE!! I�VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU THREE!! Adult #3 looks at the Teenage People. Thank you Teenage Girls and Teenage Boys!! All Teenage People- YOU�RE WELCOME!! Adult #3- We were just about to start lunch. Come on! Adult #3 takes them all to the lunch place. All Teenage People- Looking around. UM!! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!! They disappear from the table and were never seen or heard from again. Everyone shrugs. Adult #3- Okay, what does everyone want for lunch? Duo and Hilde- EVERYTHING!! Quatre- Um�I don�t mind. Catherine- I want clown food because I�m a clown and clowns like clown food cause I�m a clown. Sally- Me and my little pancake don�t mind. Wufei- I MIND!! I NEED SOUP!! Sally- What KIND of soup? Wufei- Getting Quatre�s scary face. SOOOOOOOUP! Sally- Little pancake�your scaring me! She backs away from Wufei. Wufei starts laughing like a weasel like Quatre does while secretly thinking about how he can use this a lot to get Sally away. Heero and Trowa shrug in unison. Relina shrugs to copy Heero and Dorothy shrugs to copy Relina. Adult #3- Um�okay. Adult #3 orders ten chicken fingers and one �soup�. The little waiter guy comes and gives them their food. Wufei- A VERY angry expression on his face while staring at Adult #3. WHAT IS THIS?! I WANTED CHIKEN FINGERS!! WHY AM I ALWAYS SINGLED OUT?! He slams his head in the soup and doesn�t lift it up. When he finally lifts it back up, he looks around. WHO THREW SOUP AT ME?! WHY IS THERE SOUP ALL OVER MY FACE?! 30 MINUTES LATER IN THE NURSE�S OFFICE!! Wufei Mom- To Wufei. Wufei! TWO times in one day?! Wufei, you dishonor me. Wufei- It�s not my fault! They kept being mean and not giving me chicken and giving me some stupid OTHER STUFF instead! Wufei Mom- That�s NO excuse! Wufei- PLEASE take me home! Wufei Mom- No, you have to learn your lesson. Wufei- It�s all because I can�t sleep and that stupid Sally!! She�s calling me her little pancake or something! Wufei Mom- I don�t care. I�m going to leave now and if I get another call then I�m extracting you from Mulan Time for a day!! Wufei- Starting to cry. MOM!! You can�t do that! Wufei Mom- I�m serious! You really dishonor me! Imagine how your father feels! She then leaves. Nurse- Well�what happened? Wufei- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! He picks up a little clay thingy that a kid must have made for her and tosses it at her. She ducks and it hits the wall, shattering a picture. Wufei then kicks over a plant and swings the door open so hard that the doorknob makes a little hole in the wall. He slams it so hard that everything in the room shakes. Nurse- That kid has one SERIOUS temper. BACK AT THE LAKE!! Adult #3- We�ve decided that you guys have had enough free swim so we�re going to canoeing instead!! Everyone- YAY!! Hilde- I thought we told you to shut-up, Everyone!! Everyone- Sor-ry! Adult #3 goes over and unlocks all the canoes. She hands each kid a paddle. Quatre- Do you have any SMALLER paddles? This one�s bigger than ME! Adult #3- No, that�s the only size we have. Pause. Okay, I�m gonna split you into two groups of three and one group of four. I will go with one group of three, Sally will be in the group of three and the group of four can be�alone� or�something like that. All right�umm�Duo, Hilde, Trowa and Catherine, you can be the group of four. Hilde and Duo slap each other five and evilly eye Catherine and Trowa. Umm�Sally, Heero and Relina� Sally- I want to go with my little pancake! Adult #3- Tough. I�m the boss. Sally- Big ugly stupid uncute puppy eyes. PLEASE!! Adult #3- EW! Only if you stop making that face! Sally- YAY!! Adult #3- So, this group can be Sally, Wufei and Dorothy. I�ll go with Relina, Heero and Quatre. Wufei- NOOOOOOOOOO!! Starts crying loudly as Sally carries him into the canoe. PERSONAL PANCAKE!! PERSONAL PANCAKE!! Sally- You�re such a silly little pancake! Wufei- I AM NOT YOU�RE LITTLE SPACE!! Sally giggles. Quatre- I get to go with an adult! Duo- Putting on a gynumbis life jacket. Okay, me and Hilde don�t want to have to DO anything so you two can do EVERYTHING! Catherine- But I don�t want to do anything because clowns don�t like doing EVERYTHING and they don�t have to because clowns do what they want and I�m a clown. Hilde- I used to be a clown and they made me do EVERYTHING because I was a clown so clowns DO everything! Catherine- As long as clowns do it, I will because I�m a clown. Trowa finally pushes the life jacket over his hair. Duo and Hilde both jump into the front of the canoe and leave their paddles behind. Trowa- You might need these. Duo- Thank you for volunteering to paddle for us! Trowa and Catherine get into the canoe too and Adult #3 pushes them off. Duo and Hilde- STROKE STROKE STROKE STROKE�Continues. Quatre- My life jacket is too big. I don�t thing it can keep me safe. Adult #3- It�s FINE. Quatre- Are you sure? Adult #3- Of course! I know for a fact! Sally- Chasing after Wufei with a life jacket. Come on my little pancake! You need to wear a life jacket! Wufei- GET AWAY FIEND!! Starts swinging at Sally with his paddle. Sally- WUFEI!! You�re going to hurt someone! Wufei laughed cruelly and continued swinging at her. She wrapped her hand around the paddle and plucked it out of his hands. Wufei- But�but� Sally- Handing the paddle to Adult #3. I think it would be safer if he didn�t have this. He might poke an eye out. Adult #3- Whatever. Tosses the paddle into the paddle pile. Adult #3 then throws Wufei into the canoe that Sally and Dorothy were sitting in and pushes them off. Wufei- HELP ME!! Adult #3 ignores Wufei and turns to her group. Adult #3- Come on children. Quatre- Can I not paddle and just RIDE? Adult #3- Once again, remembering the bribe. Of course Quatre! Relina- ME TOO! Adult #3- No. Relina- Why not? I�m the QUEEN! Adult #3- You�re mom didn�t bribe me. Relina pouts as she lowers her paddle into the water and is pushed out into the lake. Adult #3 calls to Sally�s group and tells them to stop so Adult #3 can give directions. Quatre- Quietly and in a tone-deaf voice. Paddle, paddle, paddle your canoe! Gently down the�lake! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a�stake! Relina- Life is but a stake? Quatre- Um�YEAH!! Quatre and Relina repeat the song over and over. Adult #3- Could you stop now? That song is getting a little old. Quatre- How about we make up ANOTHER one?! Relina- Okay! Do you want to help us, Heero? Heero shrugs. What should the tune be? Quatre- We need an inspiration� Relina- How about to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle little star?! Quatre- And what should it be ABOUT?! Relina- A PUPPY!! Quatre- Once there was a dog named Spot� Relina- He like to eat bones and he liked to dig a lot! Quatre- One day Spot he saw a cat! Um� Relina- He chased that cat�right on a� Quatre- MAT!! Relina- He chased that cat right on a MAT! Quatre- Now away goes Spot the dog! Relina- Away, away to sit on a log! Quatre and Relina giggle. Heero claps his hands at their creativity but in the process drops his oar in the water. Adult #3- Oh no! Heero! Heero nods his head and points to the water and motions as if he�s going to get it. Are you going to get it? Heero nods. That�s all right. You don�t have to. Heero nods again. Fine, go ahead. Heero dives into the water and returns a minute later with the oar in his hands. He climbs back on the boat and continues rowing. Quatre and Relina, meanwhile, are still singing their Spot song. Quatre- Where�s everyone else? He stands up and starts scanning the lake. Relina- I wonder where they went to! She stands up too. Adult #3- No! Don�t stand up! Just then, the boat tips over upside down. The four in the boat desperately swim over to the upside down canoe (or in Quatre in Relina�s case, doggie paddles) and grab onto it. Quatre- Oh no! The mutant sea bass named Bob will get us! Relina- Mutant sea bass named Bob?! Heero, SAVE ME!! She wraps her arms around Heero�s neck. Quatre immediately goes over to Adult #3. Adult #3- I can�t turn the boat back over if your hanging onto me! Quatre- On the verge of tears. But I�m SCARED!! He then starts crying. MEANWHILE�AT SOME OTHER CANOE!! Sally- Are you scared, my little pancake? Wufei- Crying and hugging his knees. Leave me alone! (This, by the way, is REALLY cute) Sally- You MUST be scared! She grabs Wufei and starts �rocking� him. Dorothy, meanwhile, is staring at Relina and praying for her that she�ll make it back on the boat safely. Nothing interesting is going on with them so we�ll just move right on to the next group. AT THE LAST BOAT SOMEPLACE ELSE!! Duo- Rolling his �R�s a little too much. STROKE! STROKE! STROKE!! Hilde starts giggling and rocking the boat. Catherine- Stop rocking the boat because clowns don�t� Hilde- SHUT UP SLAVE AND KEEP ROWING!! Catherine shuts her mouth and goes back to rowing. Duo and Hilde smile at each other. Duo- ONWARD!! HOE!! He points dramatically to the middle of the lake. Catherine- But� Hilde- SHUT UP SLAVE AND KEEP ROWING!! Trowa and Catherine continue to row into the middle. Duo is standing up in the middle of the boat like George Washington. Duo- Land on the STERN!! Hilde- Which side is the stern? Duo points to the bow. YES CAPTAIN! She salutes him. Duo- BATTLE SPEED!! Hilde- In Trowa and Catherine faces. BATTLE SPEED!! Trowa and Catherine paddle faster. Duo- RAMMING SPEED!! Hilde- RAMMING SPEED!! They paddle faster. Duo- RETREAT SPEED!! Hilde- RETREAT SPEED!! They paddle even faster. How do you know all these terms, Duo? Duo- I watched Ben Hur or something like that! Now�SAFE SPEED!! Hilde- SAFE SPEED!! Trowa and Catherine slow so that they�re gliding. So, Captain Duo Person Thingy, what is our first mission? Duo- We must rescue the hostages being held by the pirates, First Mate Hilde Person Thingy! He points to Sally�s boat. Hilde- Trying not to laugh. AYE AYE SIR!! She turns to Catherine and Trowa. ONWARD!! Trowa and Catherine start rowing over towards Sally�s boat. Duo- RAMMING SPEED!! Hilde- RAMMING SPEED!! Catherine and Trowa speed up and ram into Sally�s boat, knocking them over. Duo- Waving his hand and Trowa�s direction and feeling he�s too important to talk to slaves. Tell that slave to rescue the hostage! Hilde- In Trowa�s face. Rescue the hostage, slave! Trowa dives into the water and returns a few minutes later with Wufei. Wufei- FREE!! How can I ever repay you?! Duo- We have captured you so now you are our slave! He tosses him an oar. Stroke, slave! He turns to Hilde. RETREAT SPEED!! Hilde- Now to Wufei, Catherine and Trowa. RETREAT SPEED!! They all paddle in the other direction. Wufei- As long as I�m away from Sally!! Paddle faster, paddle faster, paddle faster�He starts paddling too fast so that Catherine and Trowa can�t keep up. Hilde- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU�RE DOING, SLAVE?! Wufei- I�d prefer if you didn�t refer to me as �slave�. Hilde- Turning to Duo. Could we stop at land so I can get a bamboo stick so I can whip the slaves when they do something bad, Captain Duo Person Thingy? Duo- OF COURSE!! Set a course for land on the STERN!! Hilde- TO LAND ON THE STERN!! They dock and Hilde looks for a stick of bamboo. When she finally has the perfect one, she returns. CAST OFF!! Trowa, Catherine and Wufei, afraid of being whipped, do as Hilde and Duo say. Duo- We need more slaves. At this rate, we�ll NEVER get to the Senior Citizens side of the camp! The Senior Citizens side of the camp is on the other side of the lake, through the woods and then across another lake. Hilde- Well, WE�RE certainly not going to paddle! Duo nods. They look around. Adult #3�s boat is just getting back up. Duo- Over there! Hilde- ONWARD SLAVES!! She whips the bamboo on the side of the boat. Duo- RAMMING SPEED!! Hilde- RAMMING SPEED!! The �slaves� ram into Adult #3�s boat. Adult #3- What do you think you�re doing?! The boat tips over. Duo- Pointing to Trowa. Command that slave! Hilde- GET ANOTHER SLAVE, SLAVE! Make it a POWERFUL one this time! She eyes Wufei evilly. Wufei looks offended. Trowa dives into the water and comes back with Heero. Duo- Excellent. To the other side of the lake!! Hilde- ONWARD!! She whips the bamboo and Heero immediately sits down and they all start rowing. Captain Duo Person Thingy, permission to speak freely. Duo- Granted. Speak. Hilde- Why do you want to go to the Senior Citizens side of the camp anyway? Duo- Cause old people give you CANDY. Hilde- I apologize. Duo- Sighing. Forgiven. ATTACK SPEED!! Hilde- ATTACK SPEED!! She whips the bamboo and the four �slaves� row to the other side of the lake. Duo- Everyone out! Hilde- EVERYONE OUT!! All the �slaves� file out. Duo jumps on Trowa�s back and Hilde jumps on Catherine�s back and they both insist on having them both CARRY them across. Both show no signs of being willing to do this and drop Duo and Hilde to the ground. Duo- Slaves! You must CARRY us! Catherine- Clowns don�t have to carry ANYONE and we�re BOTH clowns and I�m a clown. Hilde- SHUT-UP SLAVE!! Duo- Now MOVE!! They both jump onto their backs. Hilde- MOVE!! They turn to see Wufei and Heero slowly inching away. Duo- STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!! Heero and Wufei look at Hilde�s whip and then stop moving. How are we going to keep them from running away?! Wufei- What did I do to deserve this?! Hilde- He�s right! How about we promote him from Slave to the Royal Grape Peeler?! Duo- Now we�re ROYALTY!? Hilde- YEAH!! I�M PRINCESS!! Duo- I�M KING!! He turns to Wufei. You are now the Royal Grape Peeler and stuff like that! Wufei shrugs. All of a sudden, Heero looks around. He then takes out his gun and points it at Duo. Heero- That was torturous. Prepare to die, your highness. Duo- AHHHH!! HE�S NOT TROWA�S CLONE ANYMORE!! Hilde- YOUR MISSION IS NOT TO SHOOT DUO OR ME!! Heero sighs and puts his gun away. Heero- Mission accepted. Duo- Wiping his forehead. PHEW! Okay, do you know where to go next, Princess Hilde? Hilde- Uh�no� Duo- Fine, we�ll just have to explore. Come Royal Grape Peeler and Slaves!! Heero, your mission is to come with us. Heero- Mission accepted. They start exploring until they come to the second lake and they stare at the other end, wondering what to do next. Duo- I sure am wondering what to do next! I already said that. I just wanted to make sure that the reader people who don�t look at the slanty words knew. Whatever. Now that everyone knows, we have to figure out a way across the lake! They then decide to highjack a canoe. Let�s highjack a canoe! I said that already, too. Well, I can�t READ narrator person! Hilde- You should KNOW that! Gee, you�re JUST like Everyone!! Duo- And Trowa! Hilde- And Catherine!! Catherine, Trowa, Everyone and I look offended. Duo- Well, let�s go! They climb into the canoe only to later realize that they don�t have any oars. I just realized that we don�t have any oars!! Suddenly, three Big Kids come over with oars. LOOK OUT!! THREE BIG KIDS ARE COMING OVER SUDDENLY WITH OARS!! The six decide to hide in the boat and allow the Big Kids to take them across. Let�s hide in the boat and allow the Big Kids to take us across!! They hide in the boat as the Big Kids come over. We�re hiding in the boat as the Big Kids come over. They get in the boat and start rowing. The Big Kids are getting in the boat and they are now rowing!! Please stop, now. The Narrator wants me to stop! Big Kid #1- Just stop so we can continue with the story! Duo- Fine, fine, fine. The Big Kids continue to row. Okay, Heero, your mission is to get rid of the Big Kids without killing them! Heero- Mission accepted. He gets out of his hiding place and pulls out his gun. Get out of the boat. Big Kid #2- Excuse me, Little Kid, why are you in our boat? Heero- Get out of the boat if you want to live. Big Kid #3- Great, now we have to take him back! Heero- Get out of the boat before I kill you. Wufei- THAT�S A REAL GUN!! Big Kid #1- There�s more than one kid! Duo- Heero, your mission is to get them out but DON�T kill them! Heero- Mission accepted. Get out of the boat before I shoot you. Big Kid #2- But he said that you COULDN�T kill us. Heero- I will if I really have to. He shoots a bullet up into the air. Get out of the boat or it will be pointed at YOU next time. Big Kid #3- Whoa, Kid, don�t get any ideas�They all put their hands up. Heero- Not really getting it. Don�t make me get an idea. Get out of the boat. The Big Kids slowly get out of the boat and into the water. Duo- GO slaves!! Trowa and Catherine go up and start rowing. Heero, you�ve been promoted from Slave to Royal Body Guard for the good deed you have done!! Congratulations! They continue rowing until they get to the other side of the lake. They all get out and look around. There are a bunch of old people running around playing soccer. They are also some collapsed old people. Hilde- Looks like we�re in the right place! Old Person #1- Oh, woe is me. Oh woe is me. I have all this candy and no little children to give it to. Oh woe is me. Old Person #2- If only the little children from the Little Kids side of the camp would come over so we could give some to them! Oh woe is us. Duo- WE�LL take your candy!! Old Person #3- Hallelujah!! We are no longer woed!! The Old People give candy to the six and they all run off. Duo- To Trowa. Slave, give me your candy!! Hilde- To Catherine. Likewise! Catherine and Trowa shake their heads and protect their candy. Duo- Royal Body Guard, your mission is to get that candy!! Heero- Are you talking to me? Duo- Yes, you are the Royal Body Guard! Heero- Call me Heero or else. Hilde- You can be Heero the Royal Body Guard! Heero- Not really satisfied but also not really caring. Whatever. Duo- Now, Heero the Royal Body Guard, your mission is to get that candy from Slave #1 and Slave #2! Heero- Who? Duo- TROWA AND CATHERINE! Heero- Mission accepted. He goes over and with one easy swipe, he steals their candy and hands it to Duo and Hilde. Hilde- Now your mission is to give us your candy! Heero- Mission accepted. I don�t eat this strange substance called �candy� anyway. He did the quotes. He hands them his candy. Duo- Now, Wufei, you have to give us�HALF of yours! Wufei- But I don�t WANNA!! Duo- Tough!! Wufei gets big, cute puppy eyes. Hilde- Aw�stop with the face�and the eyes�FINE!! Keep your stupid candy. Wufei smiles. Duo- But you have to take the wrappers off of our candy!! Wufei- But I�m not the Royal Candy Wrapper Peeler!! Duo- You�ve been promoted!! Wufei- YAY!! Wait a second� Duo- Now PEEL!! Wufei starts carefully unwrapping the candy. He flattens out each wrapper and then hands the candy delicately to Duo or Hilde. Wufei- Sarcastically. You�re Royal Candy, your Royal Highnesses. Duo- That took long enough. He shoves the candy in his mouth. You don�t have to peel anymore, you take too long. They unwrap their own candy. Hilde- What time is it? Does anyone know?! Duo- Wufei, go find out what time it is. Wufei- But I�m not the Royal Time Finder Outer Person! Hilde- YOU�VE BEEN PROMOTED!! Wufei- YAY!! Hold on� Duo- GO!! Wufei goes over to the Old People. Wufei- Excuse me, Old People� Old Person #4- OH YOU�VE GOT TO BE THE CUTEST LITTLE KID IN THE WHOLE WORLD!! Old Person #5- Come and give Auntie Old Person #5 a hug!! Old Person #6- Wheeling over in wheelchair. Old Person #4 and Old Person #6, you�re scaring the poor kid! He probably doesn�t even understand us!! Do you speak any English? Wufei- Yeah� Old Person #7- Really slowly and speaking louder than usual. Can�you� understand�what�we�re�saying? Wufei- Yes�I can� Old Person #8- How much English do you speak? Wufei- Well� Old Person #9- He doesn�t understand! Get Old Person #10! Old Person #10 knows Chinese!! Old Person #10 wheels over. Old Person #10- Hello there. Wufei- I can speak English. I don�t understand why they do this. Old Person #10- That�s all they ever do. I can speak English but they don�t know that. Wufei- Really? How come you don�t tell them? Old Person #10- I never feel like it. Wufei- Um�okay. All I wanted to know was the time. Old Person #10- Looking at watch. It�s almost five. Wufei- Which means� Old Person #10- Almost dinner. Wufei- Uh�okay. Thank you. He turns around to leave. Old Person #10- Wait, what�s your name? Wufei- I�m Wufei. Do you have a name? Old Person #10- I don�t remember. Ever since I turned seventy, it�s just been �Old Person #10�. It really stinks. Wufei- You mean you don�t remember your real name? Old Person #10- Nope. I�ll think hard, though and tell you. Will you come to visit me again sometime? I don�t get a lot of visitors. Wufei- Um�okay. If I must. Bye. Wufei leaves. Duo- So, what time is it? Wufei- Um�I forgot. Hilde- WHATEVER! Let�s just go home. Everyone agrees and paddles back to the Big Kids side of the camp. They get off their highjacked canoe and get into their own. When their about to start paddling, they see two guys running up to them with flashlights (by this time, it�s dark out). Duo- AHHH!! THEY�RE GOING TO KILL US WITH LAZER BEAMS!! PADDLE!! Trowa and Catherine start paddling as fast as they can. The guys easily catch up with them and pull them back to shore. The guys fit all six of them into little harnesses (because they think they�re all to blame). Heero- Pulling out his gun. Take this off of me right now. Random Flashlight Guy #1- Take that gun away from him. Random Flashlight Guy #2- Okay. He goes to take the gun away but Heero backs off. Random Flashlight Guy #1 pulls on the leash and Heero falls over. Random Flashlight Guy #2 takes this opportunity and snatches the gun away. Heero- You will pay for that. He stands back up. Random Flashlight Guy #1 takes him to the car. Wufei- I didn�t do anything!! Why do I need a leash? Random Flashlight Guy #1- We can�t take any chances. For all we know, you could be the one behind this whole thing! Random Flashlight Guy #1 takes him to the car and seats him next to Heero. Catherine- I didn�t do anything cause I�m a clown and clowns don�t do things like this cause I�m a clown. Trowa nods. Random Flashlight Guy #2- Whatever. Come on. He grabs the ends and puts them in the car next to Wufei. He then clips the ends onto little things that are there just for this purpose. Duo- What?! What is this device?! You can�t do this to me!! I�m KING!! Hilde- AND I�M THE PRINCESS!! LET ME GO!! Random Flashlight Guy #1 ignores them and takes them to the car next to Catherine and Trowa. Then, the Random Flashlight Guys climb into the crowded car themselves and drive back to the Little Kids side of the camp. Adult #3- THERE YOU ARE!! I WAS SO WORRIED!! Adult #3 hugs them all except Wufei who backs away. Come on, we were just starting dinner!! We�ve been looking for you ALL day!! Adult #3 has the Random Flashlight Guys remove all the leashes (including Duo and Hilde�s�BIG MISTAKE) and then Adult #3 takes them all to the eating place where Quatre, Dorothy, Relina and Sally were already there. Quatre- There you are! You should have seen how QUIET everything was without you guys!! Sally was crying, too!! So was Relina. Dorothy was crying, too because Relina was crying. I didn�t cry�too much� Sally- MY LITTLE PANCAKE!! She runs over and hugs Wufei tightly. Wufei- PERSONAL SPACE!! PERSONAL SPACE!! Adult #3- Let�s all sit down and get something to eat. All of a sudden, Wufei Mom, Heero Mom, Catherine Mom, Trowa Mom and Hilde Mom walk in. Hilde Mom- Hilde, where�s Hilde?! Catherine Mom- Where�s my clown?! Heero Mom- Give me Heero. Trowa Mom- TROWA!! Where are you?! Wufei Mom- WUFEI!! WHERE ARE YOU?! Hilde- Hi mom! Catherine- High!! (Only Catherine the Clown would say �Hi� like �High�) Heero- What are you doing here, Mom? Trowa- I�m right here, Mom! What�s going on? Wufei- MOM!! He runs over and goes to hug Wufei Mom but she just backs away. Wufei Mom- Wufei, what are you doing? Catherine Mom- Why am eye hear at knight? (Stupidity runs in the family) Catherine- Mom, what are you doing here? Are you going to practice clown tricks with me and Trowa because he�s a clown and you are a clown and I�m a clown and I�m a clown. Heero Mom- How�s the experiment going, Heero? Heero- It is hell. Heero Mom- That�s the kind of language I like to hear from you. Wufei Mom- Wufei, why am I here for the THIRD time today? Wufei- I don�t know! It�s not my fault! Don�t extract me from Mulan Time!! Wufei Mom- I�m going to have to. Wufei- NOOOOOO!! He starts crying. Since he can�t hug his mom cause he�s so sad, he turns around and hugs Trowa Mom. She�s extracting me from Mulan Time! Adult #3- We called you because we thought your children were missing, but they�re not so you can all leave!! All the parents leave. Duo, we couldn�t get in touch with your mom. Was she not at home? Duo- Um�she has to work all day. Same with the rest of my family. They all work so they can support me cause I�m their favorite. She always tells me that. If you don�t believe me, ASK HER!! Adult #3- Okay, okay, I�m sorry. Adult #3 sighs. Everyone eats their food and Adult #3 takes them all to Kazoom. Everyone in their pajamas! I�ll be back in fifteen minutes! Don�t cause any mischief while I�m gone! Adult #3 eyes Hilde and Duo particularly. Adult #3 then opens the door and leaves. Duo- What kind of mischief can we cause while Adult #3 is gone?! Hilde- I don�t know but it has to be insane and diabolical! Duo- Insane and diabolically. DUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Hilde- Insane and diabolically. HUWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! They both start laughing. Duo- Hey, Quatre! Tell us YOUR diabolical laugh! Quatre- Umm�what makes you think I have one? Duo- Is it �Qua ha ha ha� pronounced �Ka ha ha ha ha ha�? Quatre- No, I don�t have one! Hilde- Are you suuuuuure? Quatre- Pretty much. Duo- Come on� Quatre- Sometimes� Duo- Sometimes�WHAT?! Quatre- NOTHING!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! Duo- Come on, we KNOW you have one! Isn�t that right, guys? Everyone shrugs. Hilde- WE TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY EVERYONE!! Everyone- It�s just easier than writing every name! Hilde- SHUT UP! If I catch you hanging out with us ONE more time, then we�ll�umm�do something REALLY evil and mean!! Dorothy- You go girl! Hilde- SHUT-UP!! Dorothy- Sor-ry! Hilde- Now, GET OUT OF HERE EVERYONE!! Duo- YEAH!! Everyone leaves the room, head low. Now, Quatre, I believe we were TALKING about something before we were so RUDELY interrupted! Quatre- I don�t HAVE one!! Just then, Adult #3 returns. Adult #3- Why aren�t you guys in your pajamas?! Duo- We�re gonna sleep in our clothes tonight! Adult #3- No, just go to sleep. Adult #3 leaves and everyone goes to sleep. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!! Wufei- Quietly, hugging a pillow, rocking back and forth and being very cute as usual. Why doesn�t she hug me? Why doesn�t HE hug me? Why don�t THEY hug me? Why doesn�t anyone hug me? Doesn�t anybody LOVE me? They�ve never read me a story before. Why don�t I get a story? Or a bedtime kiss? How come they never throw me up high�in the air�and swing me around and around like all the other kids? Do they not love me? Doesn�t ANYBODY love me? Why don�t they hug me when I cry? Why don�t they love me? Why are they so strict and make me feel bad or make me dishonor them? Why ARE they obsessed with Mulan anyway? They like MULAN better than me. They� Quatre- Waking up. Wufei�who are you talking to? Wufei- On the verge of tears. Quatre, why don�t they hug me? Quatre- Who? Wufei- Them! My parents! They don�t love me! (Poor Wufei! I love him!!) Quatre- Sitting down next to Wufei for the first time EVER!!!! What makes you think that? Of COURSE they love you! Wufei- But they don�t even give me a hug! Not even a little one! They don�t even pat me on the back when I do something good! All they say is, �Good job, Wufei, but I expect better next time.� Quatre- Um, well�that doesn�t mean they don�t love you. Wufei- Yes it does. They like Mulan more than me!! Quatre- Wufei� Wufei- Yes? Quatre- Do you want a hug? Wufei- Yes. Quatre- Are you going to bug me about personal space? Wufei- No. Quatre- Promise? Wufei- Yes. Quatre- Okay. Quatre gives Wufei a hug and Wufei hugs him back. They sit there for a minute in each other�s arms. Okay, are you satisfied? Do you feel better now? Wufei? He slowly gets out of Wufei�s arms. Wufei smiles at him. Wufei- Thanks, Quatre! He then turns around and starts chipping away at the wall again. Quatre- You�re welcome! Quatre moves back to his bed and lies down and goes to sleep. |