Well I'm not going to tell you my WHOLE life story but I'll set out the basics for whoever is interested in reading it.
Let's start with now. I'm 24 years old, and I'm a single father of a gorgeous baby girl, expecting a boy in August.
I'm intersexed which means I was born with characteristics of both sexes. Although dominantly female in sex, my gender markers developed as being male.
This wasn't too obvious because I loved playing dress up in mom's clothes and didn't have any interest in females at all. Not a single "Butch" or "Lesbian" flag went up to alert anyone that my gender and my dominant sexual traits were in opposition.
I grew up a completely normal, homosexual boy.
Now an adult, sharing experiences with my gay friends I see how much alike we were as children and still are today.
As a young adult I recall dating a nice boy, I was 13 and when we were kissing I told him that he was making me "hard"...It just slipped. My urges, my feelings, my entire identity was male.
Being younger than that I would play dress up and I would always be a boy. I wanted the role of Jesus in Godspell and I short of worshiped the young man who played him in the live production I saw. That's who I wanted to be at ahe 12.
I didn't grow breasts, or start "becoming a woman" but my female name was called in class, and eveyone I met found it out eventually. I gave the names K.C. (my idol Kurt Cobain) Laik (My in game handle) and Jarret or Darren (my chosen male names depending which I felt like using at the time). When people found out "I was really a girl" I would tell them I was both, or that my parents changed my sex at birth.
While I had no proof of either at that time, I believed both to be true.
I never had any interest in the female anatomy and had ignored that I even had anything like that for years. Little did I know that what I had was not the same as what females usually have. My parts are different in that I have an underdeveloped penis. I just thought that it was normal or rather didn't think of it at all until I tried to use a male prosthetic device (fake penis for the purpose of standing to urinate) and it didn't work as it was designed to fit over female genetalia.
After years of playing boy with the boys, I tried to become a mother. I lived as a female, forgetting who I was and these became the most miserable times of my life. Everyone around me was proud that I was finally growing up, maturing. They stopped trying to shove pills at me and put me in therapy.
I spent years pretty much shut in after that. I wanted other people to be happy but I wanted to be happy too. So I settled down with a guy who had the same lifestyle, hiding from the world. And together we were there, inside, our dark, smoke filled, stinking apartment. All we did was play video games and watch endless runs of dvd boxed sets, horror and anime flicks.
I tried to escape that by running away to Bulgaria, where I met the most perfect man, who treated me like a princess with the highest crown and greatest respect. I hated him, so I thought, but who I really hated was who I had become. Living for someone elses image of my self.
When I got back I knew I had to revert to my old ways, being a boy in a girls body was not easy but it was what I was.
Eventually after my daughter was born I came to the conclusion that she needed a mother or a father, not someone who was between the two and decided to change my name to Richard, permanently. Along with that name came the title of Daddy. I never wanted to be a mother, but I'm the greatest dad in the world.
I stopped pretending to be a girl with my family and they quickly disowned me. My mother decided I was an abomination and my father sold our family home forcing me to move to Hamilton.
This came at a perfect time because as soon as the Childrens Aid Society in Algoma caught wind that I had "Homosexual Men in the home for the purpose of sexual solicitation" and "the mother uses a fake penis to make her feel like she is male and has severe identity issues" a court order was issued and any little thing I did was blown out of scale to make me into a drug dealing , addicted, prostitute, molestor you name it. I had the court order suspended until a later date and moved to Hamilton Ontario where I was recieved openly without musch prejudice and have started living my life happily as myself.