Stanley Everett: An inept host that wants to open the show with a big bang. He is like a cross between Henry Blake from MASH and Jack Benny.

Harold, the Stage Manager: He is the stage manager that gives the unfortunate news. He is described as being not very charismatic, but he doesn’t seem to care.

S.E [Stanley Everett] says his line in front of the curtain. Whenever he is upset, he’ll become dramatic and walk around the stage.

S.E wears a suit like any host would wear but he wears a bow tie instead of a regular one.

Harold wears a variety of clothes to make him look like a Stage Manager. He also has a pair of headphones.

Scene- the scene starts with S.E entering from the curtains. He stands in the middle of the curtain.

S.E: Ladies and gentlemen! Before we being this fine evening of scenes, I have something for you that will certainly not disappoint in knocking your socks off! Behind this curtain, I have before you an assembly of wonders that will shock, surprise and might even impress you. I have the Rockettes from New York’s Radio City Music Hall, Vegas show girls from Nevada, lap dancers from lap land. I have elephants all the way from Africa, lions, tigers and bears, oh my! Fireworks, firecrackers, fire trucks, fire fighters, fire hydrants, and sparklers! Lasers, lights, light sabers, black lights, white lights, blue lights, non-colored lights. To help bust your gut into hilarity, I have mimes, clowns, jesters, jokers, buffoons, goofs, and oafs. [Harold enters from stage right and walks over as S.E finishes this line] And to top it all off… yours truly, Stanley Everett will be singing Frank Sinatra’s "Fly me to the moon" and showcase my wonderful dancing.

[Harold whispers to Stanley’s ear. Stanley can’t believe what he’s hearing]

S.E: What do you mean we have none of those things?

[Stanley pokes head through the curtain. He realizes that none of the stuff he promised is back there.]

S.E: Where is everything?!

Harold: Well, Mr. Everett, the reason none of the stuff is here is because of the fact… we thought it was a little too much.

S.E: We?

Harold: The producers, managers and directors. We thought that things like Elephants, fire works, and lasers would be a little bit crazy to have in a show such as this.

S.E: Oh what do directors and producers know about what should be in a show?

Harold: I’ll ignore that. But could I ask you something, Mr. Everett?

S.E: Sure.

Harold: Why do you think that this show should open with all those things you wanted to have?

S.E: Don’t you know anything about the entertainment business?

Harold: Well just about one thing.

S.E: And what’s that?

Harold: That it is a business.

S.E: You’re breaking my heart… uh…. What is your name?

Harold: My name is Harold Jeremiah Zackariah Obadiah Mesmoriah Harrington.

[S.E was about to say the next line but Harold adds in]

Harold: The third.

S.E: ANYWAY… the reason I wanted to open with the dancers and what have you is because these people out here tonight should be entertained every single minute they sit in those seats. From start to finish, from opening to closing and everything in between.

Harold: You don’t have to take it so personally. So what that the show doesn’t open with everything you said?

S.E: So what? SO WHAT? Ok, you and the powers that be may have pulled the plug on most of the opening act BUT! You cannot stop me from my big dance and singing number.

Harold: Go right ahead, but you don’t get anything like dancers, props, staging or even music.

S.E: The dancers, alright, props, not a problem, staging, tough but fair but MUSIC?! Come on!

Harold: Sorry, those are the rules.

S.E: Fine….

[S.E turns a different beat and starts a dance that certainly makes Harold lose some sense of respect for him. Before Stanley could start singing, he trips and lands on his back]

Harold [sarcastic]: Nice dancing there. Bravo!

S.E: For the record… I meant to do that.

[Stanley gets up]

S.E: Ok, I’ll cut the dancing… I’ll get right on with the singing… music! [He looks at Harold who gives him a dirty look and realizes] Oh wait…

Harold: Are you sure you want to sing? I’ve heard you rehearse the song and well…

S.E: I know, I’m pretty good, aren’t I?

Harold: Let me put it this way. Before I heard you singing, I thought my pet cat coughing a hairball was the world’s most annoying sound to hear.

S.E: Ah, what do you know about music and singing?

Harold: That they’re two different words.

S.E: I think I’ll let the people in the audience be the judge of my singing. I hope you pay attention to this my annoying friend, because you are going to learn something.

[Stanley begins to sing, he is singing so badly that Harold stops him]

S.E: What was that for?

Harold: To end the insanity!

S.E: Ok, you took away my opening act, the music, dancing and now you are insulting my singing. I just wanted to do something of a spectacular nature for the people to open the show.

Harold: You want to open the show right? I know a way to do that?

S.E: How?

Harold: OPEN THE CURTAIN!

[Curtain opens]

Harold: LET THE SHOW BEGIN!

[Stanley stands there, stunned]

S.E: I was supposed to say that.

Harold: A little bit late for "supposed to’s".

S.E: If anybody needs me, I’ll be in the back on the phone with my agent. [Exits the stage in a huff]

Harold: Enjoy the show folks.

[Harold exits and the show begins]