Update: 2/12/2003 - I couldn't think of a subject for this message so I left it blank, I guess the text will explain the subject matter. Today marks one year since Yehudis started the chemotherapy she is currently on and I wanted to take the chance to say some things that have been on my mind. I heard in a speech recently (from a very wise man who happens to also be my brother-in-law) that we have to recognize steps towards a goal, not just the finished product. I thought I may apply that concept to Yehudis's treatment - she is not finished taking this chemotherapy, we have yet to finish crossing this bridge, but I wanted to take a moment to stop and reflect and make mention of people who are helping us along this journey. I can't mention everyone or this would be more of a megillah than it is so I'll try and highlight a few and everyone should know we appreciate all they do. I wish I could think of some amazingly inspirational words to give which would describe how every piece of our journey fits into the master picture of the world but I have yet to understand how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. It's been 1251 days since Yehudis was originally diagnosed with her tumor (who's counting), we have seen amazing nissim, we have literally watched the Hand of Hashem in our lives. I will admit that I was completely shocked when Yehudis had a relapse. After such wonderful success from her first chemotherapy protocol, I really thought we were done. But after the reality of it all set in and the new chemo started, things have gotten to a routine. The Dr's are wonderful. The chemo is extremely non-intrusive and we are very grateful for that. She's able to take this one at home, a huge bracha. The side-effects are very little for chemo, another bracha. She's in school despite being on treatment, yet another tremendous bracha. Each small thing makes a huge difference in our lives. For each favor Hashem does, I want to express my gratitude. I want to thank Hashem who I know understands the "why" behind all of the things that happens and helps give us strength to get through the "how" of it. Yehudis continues to amaze me - learning to swallow a pill at 3 was really beyond me. She sometimes has a grasp of things that is just beyond my comprehension BA"H. Her class had a unit on 'community helpers' where each child had to teach the class about something. The parents were supposed to help the kids prepare for the 'model lesson'. I mistakenly forgot when Yehudis's turn came. Much to my surprise, in her erev Shabbos note from the teacher, I read about how Yehudis got up and taught the class about MRI's. She explained the details of going to the hospital and getting pictures of her brain in a big machine. I have to say I was really amused (and amazed). Now for the thank you's...please again forgive me if I omit anyone accidentally... I want to thank my wonderful husband, Dan, for everything - you are so supportive to me and I know you put up with a lot this year. I want to thank my mother who I have said in the past has been crowned with sainthood but I can say it again and again and it wouldn't be enough. Mommy, you give so much energy and time and love to us and there are no words to adequately thank you for that. If I start listing things you do, I'll forget too many so I won't try. You're superwoman! I want to thank my father, A"H, who gives me the strength to go on and get through even though he cannot be here physically with us. Daddy, I miss you more than words can express but I really feel like you're here for me and us on each leg of this journey. I want to thank my sisters and brothers and their families for all their love and time - for my local siblings being backup babysitters, carpool drivers, always being there for all the details, etc, etc. For my long distance siblings for all their support and love. And to my aunts and uncles and cousins for always checking up on us. I want to thank Dan's family for all they do. I want to thank Marilyn and Ellen and all the wonderful people of Chai Lifeline for the constant chizuk and surprises in the mail that turn the craziest days into wonderful ones. And for so much more. I want to thank all our friends, especially the Garfields, Kleinfeldts, Loni (and Hillel), Yocheved, Rochel D., Adina S., Chaya Esther, Brendy - who are such emotional supports to me. I want to thank my boss and coworkers for being so supportive and allowing me such flexibility with my schedule. I heard from someone that you say 'refuah shelaimah' - that you should have a complete recovery - instead of 'refuah mehairah' - you should have a fast recovery - because what you really want is for the recovery to be complete, no matter how long it takes. I feel that's very adequate for this situation. I pray to Hashem that Yehudis should have a refuah shelaimah, that the day should come where she is finished with all of these treatments and IY"H grow to be a wonderful, beautiful young woman who is wonderfully and fully healthy! Best to all, Rochel
Update: 3/25/02 - Yehudis had an MRI in January and our results were not as expected. Her tumor has grown again and we are back on chemo. IY"H all will go well - this was not what we had hoped for but again, man thinks and G-D laughs so we are going along with His plan. I will write more after the April 11th MRI, please pray for good results.
Update: 6/8/01 - Yehudis had an MRI this week - B"H her tumor shrank more - of the 10% left after chemo, 25% shrank! This was unexpected and real Chasdei Hashem!!!! Yehudis is doing great - she toilet trained and is really doing well and grown up!!!
Update: 4/25/2001 - Well - it's been a while since I last updated this site, hope no one relies on it for up to the minute information, thank G-D, we're really doing great and there is little need for updates right now! Yehudis had an MRI in March which came out great - no change - so we're cruising along now,BA"H. She is getting to be a big girl, she is now in school 2 days a week and loving every minute of Morah Ana and Morah Rivka and her class mates! Her tubes surgery was a big success and thankfully, her ears have been doing quite well since surgery, BA"H! We're up for another MRI in June and we hope to have great results from that one as well!
Update: 1/8/2001 - Yehudis had her last chemo treatment on Thanksgiving weekend - I'm going to paste the end of chemo letter at the end of this update. People may find it helpful in understanding our emotions and gratitude at this point in life. We had an MRI on December 13th and thank G-D, the tumor shrank more - down to 10% of the post surgery size now (about 1 cm left). Chemo is over. Hard to believe but true. It's been over a month now. The broviac is going away. We are scheduled for surgery Jan 19, 2001 - they are removing the broviac, and at the same time, taking out Yehudis's adnoids, and putting tubes in her ears (optimizing on being under anisthetic) - it is exciting. As Yehudis puts it "The broviac is part of me, it's attached. They can't cut it out" But indeed, they will, and I think she may just like it when they do!
Here is the copy of the letter I sent out...
This week marks the 41st treatment in Yehudis's chemo protocol. There are 42 treatments in all and I had originally planned to send this out on the week of the last chemo, but because of my intro reasons, this is coming one week early. This year has been an incredibly trying year for us and our families - we never thought that we would be put in this situation, I don't think anyone suspects that real illness will come into a family. But we have been lucky, Hashem has been good to us, Yehudis has done incredibly on her treatment and is an amazing little kid with unbelievable persistance. What at first seemed like a nightmere in our lives has been our living miracle, there are no other words to express how lucky we have been and our Yehudis has been. At some point this year, I remember my mother telling me that the Dr's even said "well, this or that would be expected in the normal course of things, but this is YEHUDIS"...and that about sums up how her treatment has gone. Baruch Hashem (Thank G-D) she has not had many ill effects from her chemo, aside from the unavoidable nausea and throwing up each week, she hardly suffered from treatments...From the start, she recovered beautifully from her surgery, grew back her full head of hair and never lost it from chemo, and then she continued to do well through the course of treatments, with bli ayin hara amazing shrinkage that I myself never thought would happen as it did. So first and foremost, we want to publicly praise and thank G-D for helping us through this time - He has been so good to us, allowing us to see the good in a hard situation - He may have cursed us with a tumor, but He blessed us with a Yehudis and for that we are so greatful. No words can express how we feel - but the world should know that Hashem is always with us, and every person, even in the most difficult of times. There are so many people to thank, I am afraid that if I start with some, I will forget others - but I cannot pass up the opportunity to thank certain people without whom this time would not have been manageable... Dr. Packer, our wonderful and devoted Doctor, has been with us since the day Yehudis was diagnosed. We have had the privelege of getting to know Dr. Packer and watching Yehudis absolutely adore him. It is hard to thank the man who helped save your childs life - so there are few words I can say but Thank You so much for all you have done and continue to do - we know Hashem sends messengers to carry out His work, and we feel honored that you are our messenger... Along with Dr. Packer, there is our wonderful neuro-surgeon, Dr. Kogan, and the oncologist, Dr. McDonald, and the entire nurses and staff of the children's hospital oncology clinic. They have all been so wonderful to Yehudis. They are always there, smiles and all, allowing Yehudis to run around and roam the halls during waiting times and infusions. My mother has changed her entire life to be devoted to Yehudis. She was there every week to take Yehudis to chemo, no matter how tired or how busy her schedule, there was never a thing she would not do for Yehudis. When I had to stop going to chemos because I couldn't manage work, my mother took over all alone and learned the routine - becoming friends with the other parents and reporting to me in great detail what the Drs had said that week. She learned to skillfully maneuver an IV pole and a stroller so that Yehudis could relax and nap during her infusions instead of having to chase her around with the IV pole and make sure the wires didn't get all tangled. She learned to do Yehudis's broviac care so she could take part in that - she practiced hundreds of times with me watching to be ready to do it alone when I went into the hospital to have Avigayil. She made sure to try and do the dressing changes as often as possible so I wouldn't have to face bathtime at home every other day. And on top of it all, she babysits my girls every day and was constantly sending home food for us so we wouldn't have to worry about cooking an entire shabbos. She, more than anyone in the world, changed her life to suit us, and we (though we do not say it enough) are so greatful. I think I can crown her with "saintliness". She also put up with us this year, so what more can I say... My father has been there for us all year and always. He has helped us out through this whole year, especially helping us make ends meet when we couldn't keep our heads above water. He helped us when our insurance tried not to pay for anything and he is always there for us. My in-laws helped out with babysitting on sundays so I could work less during the week, and my mother in law said we could call anytime for any extra babysitting we needed. My father in law found us a great van this year because our old Nissan was having some trouble even making the round trips to the hospital... My sisters and brothers have been with us straight on through. The second one to come to the hospital the day Yehudis was diagnosed was my brother Adam - setting precedence for how the siblings would be there for us throughout - my sisters set up a tehillim list (and pseudo-sisters Yocheved and Loni were on it too) so that the entire Tehillim was constantly being said for Yehudis. My sister Adina Gewirtz was always there, my backup babysitter, the one Yehudis asks for night and day and is more attached to than anyone. Since Naomi moved back, she has also been a wonderful backup and even from 6000 miles away, she organized the tehillim. Sima and Shuli and Adina have made time in their nutty schedules to daven for Yehudis each day. Elana Garfield, my close friend and neighbor, has been there for me all the time. She didn't let a week pass for at least the first 6 months Yehudis was sick without making doubles of her shabbos food so I wouldn't have to cook on those long Thursday nights of after-chemo effects. She made sure to keep all our friends in the loop on things when we were in the hospital, organized meals for us there. She is always there to listen and sympathize whenever I needed to talk. Loni Jacob and her sisters, Aviva and Goldie, are always there for us. Aviva and Goldie came every friday to help with bath and broviac time. They were my only babysitters aside from family. Loni, from 6000 miles away, sent care packages all the time and called to make sure all was ok. Since she came back, she's been such a reliable friend and babysitter...she's there to help with whatever we need. Yocheved Landesman has always been around to help out and be a backup - come and hang out when we were housebound... and her mom, Sarah Landesman was always there for us. She was a backup partner for my mom to go to chemo with - and is always available for Yehudis to go visit and watch her. Dovid Godar, Eli Braun, and Avi Wagner, friends of ours from Yeshiva, have always been there to help. Eli and Dovid made us suppers as treats and offered babysitting, Avi was always a ready babysitter and loves helping with the kids. And all were there for Dan to always have support and errand runners... Atara Rosenbaum made sure to come by every shabbos after mincha, she was my company when everyone else was housebound with winter colds. I was so sad to see her move away at the end of the summer... My boss, Jeremy, and my coworker, Eric, have been incredibly wonderful all year. They always allowed me a flexible schedule to be able to go to anything I needed to for Yehudis. They covered for me when I couldn't get projects finished last minute because of crisis, and were always concerned about Yehudis. And last, but above all, I want to thank my husband, Dan, he's always there for me - I can't really detail all he does for me on a regular basis, but just for putting up with me this year, he deserves a medal :-) Thanks as well to all our friends in the Kollel, the neighborhood, friends from all over the globe, our email list friends, and even people we never knew or heard of - for all the prayers, the encouragement, and everything you have done to make this time livable. I hope I did not forget anyone but please accept my apologies if I did - everyone and everything everyone has done and does for us is greatly appreciated. We know there is much to look forward to, the future and what will come is unknown, we hope and pray that we have crossed the hardest bridges in our lives and that Yehudis will be well from here on out...we ask everyone to keep davening for Yehudis as we watch, wait, and hope that the tumor goes away completely. And before I finish off, I want to tell everyone who is going through similar battles, be strong, we are praying for you all, the road is long and we hope that there will be many good outcomes for you all. We are all in this together. Best regards and greatest thanks, Rochel Please daven for Yehudis Itka bas Rochel and all the sick of Israel
Update: 11/7/00 - Yehudis had an MRI in September which went amazing - they are not sure if the 20% left is alive or not - which is a good sign - and we are now finishing up the end of chemo. It's hard to believe that it will be over soon - hopefully, forever! We have a Dec. 13th MRI coming up and we hope to have good results. On Dec. 14th we have a conference with all the Dr's for what comes next, but we know a bit at this point...After chemo is over, Yehudis is going to school in January hopefully. She will start monthly visits to Dr. Packer instead of weekly and they will watch and hope the tumor stays at its current size or shrinks. They will be checking how her body heals from chemo throughout this next year. That's about as far as we can think at this point - this is a great place to be - much better than last year this time.
Update: 6/12/00 - Yehudis had an MRI on June 8th as scheduled (we weren't sure we'd make the schedule because of missed treatment due to low blood counts, but Baruch Hashem we were able to have it as scheduled. The great news is that there has been about 20% more shrinkage, bli ayin harah, which means somewhere between 70 and 80% of the post-surgery size tumor is GONE! Dr Packer says it looks like it's still shrinking - and we have a few more months of chemo so IY"H we will have more good results to share.
Update: 4/11/00 - Yehudis had an MRI in March and B"H BA"H there was 10% more shrinkage. Things are going well, we had an incident with Yehudis's broviac tearing - she had to have a replacement but no surgery was required. Now, we're learning to deal with the new "extra long" version that hangs til her knees - new excitement every day!! Her next MRI is scheduled for June - erev Shavuos
Update: 1/25/00 - Yehudis's MRI showed wonderful progress, B"H, her tumor shrank 40% bli ayin hara. She is now on the maintenance phase of her chemo, 8 rounds (6 weeks each). She completed round one. She is gaining weight beautifully and stil has a full head of hair :). Her next MRI is scheduled for post cycle 2 of maintenance.
Update: 12/13/99 - Yehudis's first cycle of Chemo was completed (4 days before her sister arrived) - and now she has a 3 week break until her MRI. She is gaining weight (already a lb since the last treatment, ba'h) and is feeling very good.
Update: 10/28/99 - things are going very well, B"H, we are in the middle of the induction cycle of our chemo and so far, ba'h, things are going well. We are scheduled for an MRI in the end of December - please Daven for all to be well and improving. We appreciate all tefillos. Yehudis Itka bas Rochel Thanks to all.