The Laws of Repairs
�An instrument always breaks at the worst possible time.
�Corollary
�The instrument will belong to a first chair player.
�Baldwin's Law
�Instruments are easier to break than to fix.
�Wyszkowski's Law
�Anything will work if you fiddle with it long enough.
�Principles of Instrument Repair
�1. The screwdriver of the correct size will be missing when it is needed to tighten a woodwind key.
�2. When replacing a woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size.
�3. When a pad is accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part of the band room.
�Law of Diminishing Repairs
�After restoring one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction.
�Mouthpiece Inertia Principle
�Brass mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge.
�Halbrook's Axiom
�A stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it.
�Law of Selective Operation
�Brass valves will stick on contest days.
�Corollaries
�1. They will not stick when the conductor tries them
�2. They will stick again when the student resumes playing.