Monday Morning?
By Russell Stern

	Rough. Rough.  Ruff.  Ruff.  What a horrible way to start the week.  6am and the sun isn't even up yet.  Monday had already shown her ugly face to the world, or at least to Rockford Drive.  It was a day to wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

	"Hey Tom, can you go outside and play with Princess?" I said as I finished doing my make-up.  It would be another day at the office that I would dread.  Mondays.  I always hate Mondays.  The weekend seems to blow by so fast.  There just is not enough time to go to the park or visit my nephews and nieces.
	Tom went outside to play fetch and put food in the bowl.  "Jasmine, Puppy got loose.  The gate was left wide open?'
	Aggravated, I finished putting on my mascara.  Where had my precious Princess gone?  I wished Tom would let Princess stay inside overnight, but he was allergic to dog hair and we agreed that Princess would have to bear the cold nights.  At least we lived in San Diego where it did not get too cold.  But last night a fog rolled in and Princess had been sneezing.  "Tom, can you start looking for her? I was running late and my boss would pile on the extra work and I would have to stay an hour overtime for a bloody five minutes late."
	"Honey, I got that big 8am presentation that I got to set up for in Carlsbad.  Just blame it on the traffic.  You could only get away with dog excuses in high school and I can't let your dog eat up my preparation time."
	"Alright, alright I'll look for my dog." I said.  Tom came back inside, gave me a kiss goodbye, and left to Carlsbad.  I walked outside with some dog biscuits looking for Princess.  I did not want to shout because I would wake up the neighbors.
	I walked up Rockford to Mary Lane and then back to Montezuma.  On the corner, I saw a few cars pulling into the synagogue so I came inside.

	5:30 hit the snooze button.  5:39 hit the snooze button.  5:48 hit the snooze button.  6:02 the alarm had been buzzing for four loud minutes.  Hit the snooze button.  6:11 roll out of bed.  Take bowl and instant packet of oatmeal.  Open door.  Dog stands in the hallway outside door.  "Out!  Get out!" Dog runs down exterior staircase.  Close hallway door.  Go to kitchen.  Add water.  Plug in microwave.  Set oatmeal for 1:31.  Go back to room.  Grab cup.  Turn on television.  Change channel.  Fill cup of water in kitchen.  Grab oatmeal.  Eat.   
	6:17 now half-awake.  Rabbi knocks on door.  Rabbi asks about dog. Rabbi asks if I'm coming downstairs.  Could faintly hear Rabbi because weather report was too loud.  Monday is coldest day of week.  "Yeah, yeah, I'll be downstairs after I take my shower." Rabbi goes downstairs. Take shower.  Brush teeth.  Get dressed.

	I decided to walk into the synagogue.  It's 6:15 and my husband had plenty of time to help me, but oh well.  I see men with suits and long beards, some of them gray.  A younger man with a Bostonian accent introduced himself, "Welcome, I am Rabbi Eskowitz.  How can I help you?"
	My dog got loose this morning.  Have you seen her?"
	"No but let me check.  The residents leave their hallway doors wide open.  Maybe one of them saw your dog." Then the rabbi headed upstairs for a few minutes and came back with a reassuring smile.  I think you're in luck.  One of the residents said he knew about the dog.  He's in the shower and will be down shortly.  Please take a seat on the couch."
	I sat for what seemed an eternity waiting for word on my Princess.  I was all ready for work and might still be on time.  I just wanted my Princess back.

	At 6:42 Maxwell finally came downstairs.  Rabbi Eskowitz approached him first.  "Did you see the dog?"
	"Yes I saw the dog."
	"Where is it?  Do you have it in your room?"
	"No. I shooed it away.  I thought it was a resident's guest who didn't belong here's dog."  Then Maxwell noticed a lady on the couch wearing a ruffled white blouse, a pant suit, and recently permed hair.
	Rabbi Eskowitz added, "It's her dog," pointing Maxwell towards her.
	"Have you seen my dog?" asked Jasmine eagerly, not having heard the previous conversation.
	"What was your dog?" Maxwell said shyly with a sense of guilt.
	"Yes.  Where is it?"
	"When I woke up, I got confused and shooed it down the stairs over there," admitted Maxwell.
	"Where did it go?"
	"I don't know maybe somewhere on Rockford."

	Empty, I walked back to my house.  That guy upstairs must have been clueless.  Anyway, how could he do something like that to my little Princess?  6:50 my boss will really have it in for me.  I needed to be downtown by 7:00.  Well, at least he felt a little bad, but he did not take fault for Princess.  That jerk.  I hope he feels guilty.  I hope his Monday is as bad as mine.  
	I walked in, went to the backyard to check the gates and low and behold my Princess was there.  She was cold and dirty.  But she was home.  Now I will have to think up a plausible excuse for my boss.  On the way home, oh shoot--I'll have to stay one maybe two hours late--I will have to go to the pet store to get a long leash for Princess.

	Payback is a mean little bitch.  Sure enough, his Monday was as bad as hers, if not worse.