Tuesday, Sept. 28

Woke up at 10 a.m., dressed and we met Amanda and Michelle in the lobby at 11:15 a.m. to board the bus to the San Diego Zoo. This was exciting, since I love animals, love zoos, and had heard so much about the "world famous" S.D. Zoo. Besides, it was a freebie of the conference as well! That is an even bigger plus!

When we arrived the first thing we did was take the tram around the park, which is a double-decker bus that drives around the perimeter, as a tour guide points out interesting tidbits of the animals the park itself, as well as some history. Our guide was Wendy, who was very friendly. She constantly stopped along the route to help out lost visitors, and said hi to people that had taken her tour earlier in the day.

At first thought upon exiting the tram I thought it was too long and dampened our complete experience, since it ended at 1 p.m. and we had to leave at 4:30. But, my initial response was incorrect and frankly I was being a party-pooper. In reality, we had plenty of time to roam the zoo and see everything we wanted to with no time restraints.

Lunch consisted of Sydney's Bar & Grill by the Australian exhibits (kangaroos, koalas, and wallabies), where a burger and fries costs in the range of airport food. A couple more lunches and I could have funded the zoo for a week! It was to be expected, though, so within budgetary constraints. But, I had to buy a disposable camera since my other one had film stuck in it, and that cost $12! Ouch!

I'm sorry, but I was not impressed with the San Diego Zoo. The most important exhibit, the pandas, was not being shown because the mother had given birth a couple of weeks before. That was a major bummer. But that wasn't why I was disappointed overall.

The major animals (lions, bears, and primates) were few and far between. I can see three times as many species of these animals at Memphis or Atlanta than in San Diego. I saw only one tiger, and he was hidden up on a hill. There were two lazy lions as well, but I'm a lover of the big cats (but hate the domesticated ones, go figure) so I was upset.

	Scott proves Freud's little known theory, "If you act like an ape, you are one." Beware if Scott starts throwing his poop on you.

Looking back at the Australian exhibit, I never saw the rumored kangaroos and the Tasmanian devil I did see was asleep and the complete opposite of our Warner Brothers expectations from one too many Bugs Bunny cartoons. There were some wallabies scattered under the shade, and one koala with ten humans absolutely freaking it out by standing right up to the cage and snapping countless flash pictures. I hope that koala doesn't have a problem with its' self-image because countless pictures will be spread around the country of it eating eucalyptus leaves.

While the four polar bears were fun to watch, taunting each other by running up and thrusting their butts in each others' faces, they were it for the bear population except for one bored brown bear near the lions.

Five thrilling minutes later in the primate exhibit we only saw one gorilla and its kid, which was nice because they plopped down right in front of the big window where we stood. While cool for a minute or two, there was a woman next to me who was actually in tears, she was so moved by this mother and child. If anyone from Lifetime women's network is reading, there's your next movie right there.

I hate to sound like I am a party-pooper constantly, but the zoo is uphill both ways! I'm all up for a workout, but just once in three hours I'd like to walk downhill! You'd think somewhere it goes downhill, but apparently the zoo was designed by the guy who made up the illusion where the stairs go up and down, never seeming to intersect.

We were able to get off our feet for ten minutes to take the Skyfari from the polar bears back to the entrance area. Unfortunately the Skyfari doesn't go over any animals, but I think I understand. The first time someone tipped out of their car and landed in a rhinoceros cage, the zoo would receive bad press by another visitor's home video on "When Animals Attack V" on FOX. But darn it if the Zoo doesn't have some pretty trees, and lots of them.

Are you getting the idea that the "world famous" S.D. Zoo didn't impress me? I thought you might. I'm just being honest. That's me, Jeff "no sugar-coating" Rushing. Of course, were the Zoo a woman I would tell it that I was extremely impressed and it looks lovelier than ever, and don't ever change. I would tell Ms. Zoo that she was more than personality, but just as beautiful as the day that first elephant moved in 75 years ago. Then I would be rejected and never see the Zoo again. But there are more Zoos in the cities, as I never say.

Scott's recollections Part 5: � � � On Tuesday the big event was our trip to the San Diego Zoo. Unfortunately one of the panda bears had given birth a week earlier so we were not able to see them. � � � But we did see polars bears, which I had never seen before. We saw some koalas and kangaroo joeys, and the requisite elephants and gorillas and lions and such.

At least I enjoyed the company I was with, even though Amanda, who works out so much she should have a work-out show following "Kiana's Flex Appeal" on ESPN2, walks slower than those guys on the World's Strongest Man competitions who are pulling 100-ton trains. I'm all for soaking it in, but not so much that I'm drowning!

Here's my method: "That's a cute animal. Look at all its feces. Is that a baby!? Nope, just a rock. What's that in the next cage. . ?" It's a quick and easy movement including a snapshot to capture such a wild creature at work. Or, as in most cases, asleep and in the shade where getting a good picture is virtually impossible. That's why I recommend that visitors tick off the animals; that's when you get the best shots!

Now that I'm sure to get slapped with a lawsuit for slander by the San Diego Chamber of Commerce, I'll just move on. We hopped back in the bus and journeyed back to the hotel to rest up for the LOMA banquet that night.

The banquet at 8 p.m. was the finale of the LOMA conference, and the only event Amanda, Michelle and I attended all week. It was Scott's second event after the Tony Snow speaking gig. It was a fancy deal, even though Scott neglected to tell me about it before the trip. Therefore he had a suit, I didn't. But, he had an extra tie, so I used it on one of my casual shirts and pretended to be formal. Like I cared. Jeff "party-pooper" Rushing, at your service.

At the banquet we purposefully sat way back in the last aisle of the hall, so a quick exit would be easy and unnoticed. I sat next to Bill from Chicago, and we talked about what all guys talk about when we don't know each other: sports, politics (he was also a Republican) and food.

Facts about San Diego
Population	1,171,121 -- sixth largest in the U.S.
Location	San Diego is in southeast California, 20 miles north of Tijuana, Mexico and 125 miles south of Los Angeles. It has an excellent natural harbor, which has made it an important shipping and receiving point for Southern California, Arizona, New Mexico and Mexico's Baja California. It is also headquarters for the 11th U.S. Naval District with major naval and marine training bases also located here.
Weather	Avg. Highs range from 65 degrees in Jan. to 77 in August, with avg. Lows from 48.1 degrees in Jan. to 65.9 in Aug. The city receives 10 inches of rainfall annually.
History	San Diego is located on the site of the first European settlement in California. Juan Rodr�guez Cabrillo sailed into San Diego Bay in 1542 and claimed the land for Spain. It was almost 200 years later that Gaspar de Portola and a group of Spanish settlers founded a military out post on what is now Presidio Hill in 1769. At the same time, Franciscan friar Junipero Serra founded Mission Basilica San Diego de Alcala, the first of the chain of 21 California Spanish Missions. � � � After Mexico achieved independence in 1821, San Diego, as well as the rest of present day California, became part of Mexico. By 1830 most of the people were living in what is now Old Town. An Alcalde or Mayor was the head of the local government. Population at this time was sparse. The Mission and surrounding ranches dominated the San Diego landscape. � � � The 1846 Battle of San Pasqual, the major battle in California, was fought in the Lake Hodges-San Pasqual area. Following the victory of the United States in the War, the Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo in 1848 ceded the areas of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas from Mexico to the United States. With the discovery of gold in Northern California in 1848, the population of California quickly increased. This increase in the number of citizens soon qualified the territory for statehood. California was admitted to the Union in 1850. � � � San Diego was incorporated as a city March 27, 1850. Development was slow for most of the first century of California statehood, but the Second World War brought the U.S. Navy Pacific Fleet to San Diego
Television Market	No. 26
Source: Desert USA

The tables were set up for a formal dinner, where the food is so creative you're afraid to touch it, with napkins folded in triangles and wine flowing everywhere. The meal consisted of surf and turf: filet mignon, shrimp and assorted veggies (I say assorted because I don't know what they were--it could have been limp balloons for all I know).

I departed by 8:30 after eating, moments after Amanda and Michelle took off. We had an 8 a.m. flight the next morning, so it made for a good excuse to exit stage right. Scott followed a half-hour later, not wanting to dance alone I suppose. All ya gotta do is ask big brother! I'll even let you lead!

Three minutes upon entering the hotel room I promptly stopped up that God-forsaken low-flow toilet! I hate those things! You don't save water since you have to flush three times per visit! There is nothing more embarrassing than having two people from housekeeping arrive to fix the toilet because you crapped it too full and are incapable of pushing the silver lever. I could see it in their eyes, mocking me and telling their little kids when they got home about the stupid American boy who can't flush a toilet without using half a roll of paper.

The vacation was now over. Time to pack, watch "Blind Date" and "SportsCenter," then float away into sleepyland dreaming of visions of football, surfer dudes and unseen pandas while thinking of many jokes involving Dilberts who work with insurance and wear balloon hats.

Wednesday, Sept. 29

When checking in the Southwest attendants didn't even ask the standard pre-flight questions. Wouldn't you know it, this is the one time I let a stranger pack my bag, and some guy dressed in all black and a cap gave me a teddy bear to carry back to Nashville. But he seemed harmless enough, despite the shifty eyes and jittery mannerism.

When going through the x-ray station the lady kept eyeing me. Yeah, me! I'm just as appalled as you are! Here I am, joking with my brother and Amanda and Michelle, having a great time, and she wants to check my backpack. She had that furled eyebrow that was saying, "Sure you're a cutie, and you look innocent enough, but we both know that you are carrying several bottles of illegal tequila." Well nah-nah boo-boo, only thing in my backpack was a Life magazine, CD player and a three-ring binder. At least when I returned from Brazil she could have seen my Portuguese Playboy magazine, but this time there was nothing even remotely embarrassing.

San Diego and the southern California area offer stark contrasts in weather and foliage. Flying in, we saw how a barren desert became a heavily wooded forest in a matter of 100 yards. There was brown�brown�brown�over a mountain and then green�green�green.

	Mmmm, peanuts....

Turns out the weather has something to do with that fact (duh!), as on the weather map two cities within half-an-inch from one another (on the map, in reality it is 15-20 miles) shows a difference of 20 degrees! Imagine if in Memphis it was always 95, while in Jackson it was a pleasant 70 all year long. Like the people of San Diego, I would choose to reside in the cooler area.

The flight was uneventful, which is good because if it were eventful I would be writing my journal in a wheelchair with my mind.

I sat in the middle, because Amanda wanted to be next to the window, Scott wanted to be on the aisle, and Michelle wanted to be 20 rows in front of us. I still haven't figured that one out. She did end up sitting to a nice old man who worked at NASA and I think was making moves on her.

It was fun, despite Amanda receiving one more bag of honey-roasted peanuts than I did. Dang those Southwest flight attendants! Two bags are just never enough! I say this despite the fact that I still own one bag that is unopened and sitting with my souvenirs.

The Southwest attendants spend a lot of time in comedy clubs, which takes up the time usually spent on speedy service and giving me a whole can of coke and an extra bag of peanuts. Every flight involved one person who thought they were Rosie O'Donnell (even the guys, go figure), cracking some funny jokes and one even sang as we landed in San Diego. The pilot on our way home called the female attendants his girlfriend and two ex-wives, and the attendant peaked our interest to watch the safety display by asking us to check our seat pockets for a wallet someone forgot. Pretty smart, actually, but since I hate being tricked I purposefully ignored the safety tips out of rebellion. Dadgummit, I'd rather forget how to turn my seat into a flotation device (yeah, like that works) than be tricked!

Scott read his book off and on, while Amanda and I joked around most of the flight, which really passed the time quickly. Too quickly, maybe, since we arrived in Nashville only to be welcomed by rain. This would ensure that every person in Tennessee asked me and Scott why we were so sunburned, which offered a nice excuse to brag: "We just got back from San Diego." Yeah! That's right! We're that much cooler than you are because we went all the way to California!

And that's still the way I feel.