Everyone who had come to know Elizabeth thought of her as a frail 17 year old girl, suffering from anorexia and self-destructive behaviours. We all came to care about and love Elizabeth. She was as real to us as anyone could be. We were devastated when we heard she had died in a hospital in Ireland, or so we thought. Many people made memorial pages to commemorate her and that seemed to upset Elizabeth's mother, Susan, and other relatives. We were then all asked to take her picture off our pages.

Several weeks later, my wife received a long letter from a woman we had believed to be Elizabeth and Susan's roommate from the U.S. The letter was absolutely shocking! We were now being told that Elizabeth never "really" died because she existed as one of many personalities in one "host's" body. When one of these personalities came out, the host never had any memory of what had happened. Each of these personalities believed they were the main person. Elizabeth truly thought she was the only one and thought all of the abuse that the host had suffered in the past was actually happening to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth had made many friends who supported her through Angel Haven and Womens Spiritual Chat. My wife and I spent almost every night for 9 months online with Elizabeth or on the phone with her, trying to help her cope with her fears, usually for 4-5 hours every night. As more and more people came to love Elizabeth, the other personaalities were being supressed inside the host. Elizabeth's personality was coming out more and more. This began to endanger the host's health and was slowly "killing" the other personalities. They decided that they needed to supress Elizabeth in order to regain control. They thought by making everyone think she had died, that everyone would just forget about Elizabeth and her memory would fade away, but we grieved over the loss and her memory didn't just go away.

Elizabeth's personality had now been supressed inside the host, while the oldest personality, who is the "caregiver", was able to emerge to help the host deal with her crisis. The "caregiver" saw us all mourning over Elizabeth and the pages we were making in her memory. This made all the personalities feel terrible about how they had made us all feel. They began to suffer great guilt over this, and Elizabeth was screaming inside to be let "back out." The "caregiver" decided she had to write to my wife and try to explain this all to us. She was fearful that we would be angry and turn our backs on them now. We did not.

It has taken us a lot to try and understand this disorder. We are still learning and trying to make sense of all this. We also hope that others may be able to understand and not feel anger over this. They never meant this to be a joke or hoax and certainly never meant to hurt people. There is so much more to explain about all this and it would surely take a small novel to tell it all. My wife has been writing to the host and she is corresponding. The host has been interested in all that went on with Elizabeth, as she has no memory of it.

All the abuse that Elizabeth spoke about actually happened to the host in her past. The different personalities in the host emerged at different points in her life. They emerged to help her deal with the events in her life she could not handle. Past suicide attempts that Elizabeth spoke of actually happened, but they were made by the host. Elizabeth's personality firmly believes they happened to Elizabeth though. As for the diet pills and others, Elizabeth WAS actually taking them when her personality was out and in control of the host. One of the younger personalities, who is 7 or 8 years old and that we haven't met yet, is the one who does all the cutting on her arms when she comes out. Elizabeth thought she was "spacing out" and doing the cutting herself, when in fact, it was the younger personality emerging and doing it.

I know how confusing this must be when you read all this and try to grasp what it's all about. We all grieved when we thought Elizabeth had died, and now we find out that this is what's going on. It has shocked us. Some people feel very hurt, angry, bitter and resentful. Please try to understand how hard it must be for the host. Having people walk up to her and starting a conversation and she doesn't know this person, because it is someone one of her alter personalities made friends with. Although Elizabeth isn't an actual 17 year old girl, she is still a part of the host and in a sense, she IS alive inside her. Elizabeth IS this person, but her memory is stuck in the past events of the host's life. When Elizabeth's personality emerges, she thinks that what happened in the past is currently happening NOW.

This person needs our compassion and support, just as much as Elizabeth did. Perhaps in time, she may want to get to know all the people who cared for and loved Elizabeth. We are taking this slowly with her, one day at a time. As shocking as all this has been, we can't turn our backs on her. We need to look into our hearts, past the hurt, and find compassion. This IS a living, breathing soul with feelings and much turmoil inside. People come into our lives for a reason. Whether it is for us to learn something or to help someone. To simply turn and walk away is a zero-gain for everyone and it is not helping us grow spiritually. Please say a prayer and find forgiveness and understanding in your heart for this person.

The following picture is a drawing that was done by Elizabeth when she was in control of the host. A picture is truly worth a thousand words. This illustrates the pain and torment of the "younger" personalities that are still trying to cope with what happened in the past......

If you would like to learn more about MPD or someone you know needs support, you can visit The Mental Health Net and search for "multiple personality disorder"