Sam pushed back the tent flap and stepped out into the sharp predawn air. Blinking to clear the sleep from her eyes, she peered around the rocky clearing. After a moment, she spotted Teal�c bent over the campfire. Poking at the damp wood, his features lost in the inky shadows that hovered above the sputtering flames.

The Jaffa had heard her exit the tent. She could tell by the relaxed set of his shoulders as he stirred the livening embers. Teal�c never let down his guard until he was officially relieved of duty. Even then it was merely a fraction of withdrawal. A warrior by nature, he was incapable of �standing down�. However, like herself, he knew the steps of every member of SG-1. The pattern of their breathing, the length of their stride, nuances of body and expression, recognizable even over distance. Sam paused, detecting a subtle sense of expectancy in the way he tilted his head in her direction, and nodded marginally.

�MajorCarter,� he intoned as she crossed the short expanse.

�Teal�c.� Sam warmed her hands over the rousing flames. �Where�s the Colonel?� The tone had sounded nonchalant, the question nothing more than a companionable enquiry after their mutual friend. She bit her lip in silent admonishment of the persistent doubts. Angry at the flush of guilt that tinged her cheeks, and the tremor of fear that sang across her nerves. There were few secrets between them, her abiding affection, attraction, to their CO had ceased to be one of them years ago.

The Jaffa stretched one well muscled arm to retrieve a log from the dwindling pile they had gathered the night before. �He awoke approximately a half hour ago,� he replied softly.

She wasn�t surprised that he left the nature of her question alone. Teal�c�s stoicism and subtle understanding were two of the qualities she most admired about the large man. Sam squatted by the fire, absently stirring the now bright flames with a green stick. �He had second watch, I�m surprised he�s up already.�

�Indeed.� Teal�c rose gracefully and went to their pile of gear, which was stowed at the base of the rock wall they had camped against. He gathered their portable stove, cooking utensils, and several MREs before returning. �He seemed�troubled,� the Jaffa added, as he settled by the fire and set up the stove.

�I know.� Sam reached for the largest pot and filled it with tepid water from the collapsible jug set on a nearby rock. A person less intimately familiar with the Colonel and his acerbic wit would be hard pressed to notice the subtle change in his demeanor. She swallowed hard, and slowly swung back towards the fire.

Intimate.

The internal description caught in her suddenly dry throat.

It was not a word she had ever voiced to describe their �relationship�, or lack of the same. There had been a time, in the privacy of thought and dream, where she dared to let the adjective slip free. Moments when her internal desires were mirrored in his soft brown eyes, and aroused by the merest brush of his hand against her skin. Lately, a new expression had come to rest in his shadowed gaze. Sadness. A yearning for what might have been, for what was lost, and an uncertainty over what may or may not have been gained. Confusion and disillusionment seemed to have replaced patience and acceptance of what had always been. She could no longer justify the term �intimate� to describe a man she was slowly losing, if in fact he had ever been hers to lose.

Since the cataclysmic ruin of Abydos, the Colonel had become increasingly distant. The retrieval of Daniel, the destruction of Anubis� superweapon, and the loss of Jonas were a mesmerizing sequence of events, tough for all of them to digest. Add to the mixture Teal�c�s crisis of faith and the near destruction of themselves and an entire population of innocent people. It was no wonder he seemed to be reeling, right along with the rest of them.

Sam dropped her gaze to the pot of swirling water perched on one burner of the stove.

There was more going on than just the rapid fire pace of their mission schedule and the resulting physical toll. Issues that he refused to talk about, but were obviously foremost in his thoughts.

Sam shook her head and rose to her feet. She yearned to reach out and ease his obvious distress. In all the excitement surrounding Daniel�s return and recuperation, she felt that they had missed something. She had missed an opportunity. A chance to get back to the level of closeness they had once shared, and perhaps finally move beyond the frustrating stalemate. It wasn�t for lack of wanting, or even trying for that matter.

After the Colonel�s return from exile with Harry Maybourne, she had cornered him in the commissary. An uncomfortable silence followed the usual surface pleasantries. A lingering pregnant pause, during which he stared resolutely into his half empty coffee cup, while she dismantled the jell-o cubes resting innocently at the bottom of a glass bowl. In the end, he gathered the report resting between his elbows and left without a word. There was a darkness in his eyes and a weightiness to his step that terrified her. The stress of trying to hold it together was beginning to show in action and word. He needed to vent and she knew he wouldn�t.

How long before he cracked beneath the burden?

Sam shook her head at the melodramatic turn of thought. It wasn�t the first time the Colonel had endured physical and emotional strain, surely it wouldn�t be the last.

�MajorCarter?�

She sucked in a startled breath, and pivoted on her heel.

�My apologies, I did not mean to alarm you.�

�You didn�t.� She frowned at the automatic lie, grateful that Teal�c understood her well enough to let the statement stand unchallenged. �You wanted to ask me something?�

�Are you thinking of speaking to Colonel O�Neill?�

Nonplussed, Sam snapped her mouth closed with a sharp click.

Why am I surprised? �Yeah, I was actually,� she admitted quietly. Verbalizing the desire sent a shiver down her back. There were so many things left unsaid between them.

The Colonel had termed their current mission �A milk run�. The sardonic twist of his lips suggesting the disdain he held for off world Ops that consisted mainly of exploring and cataloging the remains of a basically dead civilization. He would never admit that three days downtime following the resettling of Pallin�s people was not enough time to regroup. Or that SG-1�s demanding schedule had taken a high physical toll on his aging body. She expected no less, and it worried her even more.

�I think you would be wise to do so, MajorCarter,� Teal�c�s deep voice interrupted her thoughts for a second time. �Recent events weigh heavily on his thoughts.� He paused and bowed his head fractionally, busying himself with the now boiling water. �My personal crisis holds a measure of responsibility for O�Neill�s current state of mind. He has refused to engage in conversation regarding this matter, however.�

�No surprise there,� Sam murmured.

�Agreed.�

�It�s not your fault, you know,� she reassured. �He�s just�going through something��

�I am aware.� Teal�c acknowledged her attempted absolution with a lifted eyebrow.

Sam nodded firmly and turned on her heel, peering into the fading darkness. �Where is he?�

Gravel shifted as Teal�c climbed to his feet, and joined her at the edge of the firelight. �To the East. He has positioned himself on the ridge overlooking the valley.�

�Thanks.� She glanced at the beginnings of their breakfast, and then the tent beyond the circle of firelight. �Keep Daniel here, would you?�

Teal�c nodded and turned away.

Sam went to the gear and pulled a flashlight from her pack. The Eastern sky had brightened while they spoke, but the ground was still awash in muzzy shadows. Travel across the uneven, unfamiliar terrain was eminently hazardous. Broken legs would certainly detract from the apparent serenity and simplicity of their current mission. She suppressed a soft chuckle. What would the Colonel�s reaction be if they were forced to spirit her down the rocky slope to the Gate via stretcher? Not that being carried on a swaying hammock of cloth with her head resting between his arms would be a bad thing.

A full-blown grin chanced its way to her lips. Sam ducked her head self-consciously as she passed back through the circle of firelight. Behind her the tent zipper jingled, and the static rub of nylon whispered. Daniel called a soft greeting, and Teal�c answered in equally quiet tones. As if neither wished to disturb the still morning air.

She moved off into the retreating darkness, scanning the ridgeline while carefully navigating the remains of an ancient rock fall. A scattering of scraggly trees clung to clumps of soil amidst the boulders. The flashlight beam raised a tracery of dusky shadows from their twisted limbs. Her forward motion caused them to writhe and shimmer across the winding trail. She slowed, anticipating the steep climb to the ridge and remembering the smattering of prickly, low-lying bushes they had encountered the evening before.

Sam stopped at the edge of the boulder field. Her uncertain gaze traveled up the short incline coming to rest on a lone silhouette seated atop the ridge. Black and featureless against the splash of receding stars, the figure faced the valley below. From this distance she saw only his profile. The angular set of his jaw, and the tousled wisps of silver hair were a barely discernible smudge. She breathed in a sharp draught of the chill air, steeling herself for the words or the weighty silence that was to come.

He did not turn at the sound of her approach. Remaining a frustratingly stoic sentinel, seemingly oblivious. Sam grunted and planted her hands in the sand and fine grit as her feet slipped. Stifling a curse, she straightened and stepped around a thorn bush. Unsure if her irritation were tied to the loss of balance, or the Colonel�s apparent apathy. Halfway up she stopped, and glanced back towards the campsite.

Daniel was watching them. She could see the glint of the firelight bouncing off his glasses. The clink of metal utensils carried easily across the distance, echoing off the high wall behind their tent. She saw him turn away after a moment and settle by the fire, apparently lost in conversation with Teal�c. Satisfied and appreciative that he was staying put, Sam turned back to resume her climb.

The Colonel was watching her.

His posture had shifted. Tilted away from the large valley, his body now sat crosswise on the rocky lip, head turned in her direction. The whites of his eyes were lost in the darkness, but she could feel their intense gaze. Well deep, liquid brown, resting on her damp face and shivering body. Sam rubbed her arms. Wondering if the tremors that coursed beneath her clammy skin were due to an inward or outward chill. Deciding that the repercussions of such musings were more than she cared to deal with at the moment, she pushed on.

He said nothing as she topped the trail, and stood panting slightly from exertion. The valley below spread out in a vast patchwork of woods and meadowland. A maze of streams traced meandering ribbons through the brush, disappearing and reappearing as the flora permitted. As she watched in silent awe, the first tentative rays of sunlight kissed their moving surfaces, painting them in a wash of amber and fuchsia fire. The shadows deepened as the dawn sky brightened. The woodland taking on an impenetrable gloom, as gauzy mist rose from the edges of the waterways. Clinging to vine and tree limb, it smudged the glittering trails of water. Obscuring the landscape beneath a veil of softening white and gray. Sam drank in the peace of the burgeoning day, forgetting for a moment that she was not alone in her observation. The hiss of a shifting body amid the sparse grass drew her back to reality with a forcible shiver. Striving not to show that she had heard him, Sam glanced furtively to the side.

If the Colonel had been drawn to the spectacular display, he had ceased to pay attention. His gaze was elsewhere. Flickering down the length of the ridgeline, shifting to the campsite, and then his hands. His good knee was drawn up to his chin and his clasped fingers were pinching the fabric of his BDUs. No doubt he was completely unaware of his actions. The clenching of cloth as involuntary as breathing, a mere distraction for troubled thoughts. Sam caught her breath as the sun climbed suddenly over the distant mountains, splashing his face in a wash of bronze.

His thin lips were set in a deep frown. Furrows of emotion knotted the high forehead and cut jagged lines through his slightly puffed cheeks. The deep-set eyes faded to hazel as he flinched against the unexpected glare. The reaction could not hide the wistful, pained expression hovering in their depths, however. He ran a hand through his tousled gray hair and released a rattling sigh. Mouthing a curse, he reached for the discarded baseball cap resting on the ground between them.

Sam suppressed the urge to comment, waiting, hoping he would speak first. She didn�t like what she saw. To anyone else the Colonel was simply a man lost in thought, seeming to enjoy the blaze of a new day. But there was something in the slant of his shoulders. Hunched, pulled into himself. The way his hands clenched abruptly, the long fingers bone white in the harsh glare of the sun. Shadows she had not missed, though he had tried to shield his eyes from her as much as the rising light.

Silence hung between them and she fidgeted, uncomfortable with the cold knot that grew and twisted nauseatingly in her stomach. �You�re up early.� It was inane and she felt instantly foolish.

�Couldn�t sleep,� he replied softly.

Sam nodded, sucking on her lower lip as she searched for something more useful to say. During her watch she had heard him in the tent. The rustle of nylon and the lightness of breath, telltale signs that he was not sleeping. Sometime towards the end of her shift, he had lapsed into a fitful doze replete with dream. A low murmur of words uttered in fits and starts, stretched across the surreal silence. Incoherent ramblings punctuated by sudden shifts that thrust his body heavily against the sides of the tent. The sounds and movements drew her attention as she prowled the perimeter of the campsite, or stirred the dying fire.

What would he say if he knew how closely I watched him? If he knew that I heard him moaning softly in distress as nightmare clouded dream. Saw each and every time he paused during a long march to stretch his back muscles, or massage his knee. Felt it deep inside each time his breathing rasped heavily in his throat or coughed against the smoke and dust kicked up during a firefight. Sam swallowed hard, her concern nearly choking the air from her lungs. Suddenly knowing why he could not sleep, beyond surface aches and pains, was vitally important. A need she dare not describe, even in her deepest thoughts.

�Why not?� she asked gently.

He flinched at her tone, refusing to meet her eyes. �Knees are shot, rough getting up here. Why the hell couldn�t the people living here a thousand years ago have picked a spot a touch closer to the Gate to set up housekeeping?�

�I don�t know, Sir,� she commiserated. His comment was expected, but it wasn�t what she wanted to hear. She licked her lips and took a deep breath. �There�s another reason, isn�t there?�

�Huh?� His eyes flitted across her face, hovering for a brief moment on her parted lips, before drifting back to his hands. They twitched, showing the distress he would not voice. �No Carter, don�t play shrink.�

�Sir?�

He shook his head at her feigned innocence. �Pop psyche 101, you've been sitting in with Daniel and McKenzie.�

�No�� she trailed off and carefully lowered herself to the damp grass. �I�m right, and you know it.�

The Colonel snorted derisively. �I do, huh?�

�Yes,� she challenged softly. �I heard you earlier, I knew you weren�t sleeping.�

�So why did you ask?� he bit back, clearly uneasy with the direction their conversation was headed.

She refused to back down, un-phased by his harsh retort. �I wanted you to talk to me, was hoping you would admit it on your own.�

�Carter�� he fell silent. Long fingers played with the brim of his hat, pulling at a loose thread. �I don�t talk, you know that��

Sam repressed the urge to stroke the back of his hands with effort. It was there, suspended between them. A desire to give into the feelings that had pulled them together, and then thrust them so painfully apart. An urgency, a need, a willingness to finally let go and damn the universe and all its complications. �Yes, I know that.�

�But you thought you would give it a whirl anyway?�

�You need��

�How the hell do you know what I need?� he snapped, the tone bitter and desolate.

She blinked rapidly, watching him grimace in frustration and close his eyes.

�I�m sorry, you don�t deserve that.�

�No, I don�t.� She looked out towards the valley. The colors of field and flower were brilliant in the morning light. Seeming to come alive as the line of dawn undulated across the forested basin. Sam bit her lip, hating the sour taste of fear and confusion that filled her mouth. �Neither do you.�

His eyes remained closed as one hand drifted up to his neck, and absently massaged the taut muscles.

�You�re angry, aren�t you?� The knowledge shot lightning swift across her raw nerves, and exited in a whisper of awed understanding. She didn�t know where it came from. Perhaps it was the set of his jaw or the obstinate resolve to not meet her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to draw him out. Sam dropped her gaze to her own hands, twirling the flashlight between restless fingers. Fiddling was a habit he had imparted to her subconsciously. Keen observation of body language was a skill, taught on purpose by him as well. She could tell by the muted grating of his teeth that he was regretting the latter, as much as she was now appreciating it.

�Yes,� he admitted roughly, finally meeting her open gaze. �I�m angry, does it matter?�

�Of course it does.�

�Why?� he challenged.

�What you do and say affects us all. How you feel helps set the tone for every mission we are involved in.�

�Oh��

She could hear his disappointment, clanging as loudly as her own. Swallowing hard, Sam shifted her seat, facing him fully. �That wasn�t what I meant to say, at least not all of it��

�I see.�

Sam sighed in frustration. She doubted he really understood. How could he when the situation was so murky with regret? �I want to explain��

�Skip it, Carter.� The Colonel climbed to his feet in a surprisingly smooth motion, and turned towards the campsite.

�Wait.� Sam caught his wrist. No doubt they were visible, outlined clearly against the blazing orange sky. For once it didn�t, couldn�t matter. His skin was warm, and slightly damp beneath her touch. He pulled, a half-hearted attempt to free himself. She squeezed and he relented marginally, turning halfway around. Dark eyes roamed across Sam�s face and down the length of her extended arm, coming to rest on her hand. Gradually, she slid her fingers across the tendons and bones of his wrist, lingering over the throbbing veins. The sinews flexed beneath the tentative pressure, and the flutter of his pulse increase. Inordinately satisfied, Sam suppressed a sigh as her fingers continued their progress. Moving languidly over the heel of his hand and into the cupped palm. She caressed the calloused skin, tracing the deep lines cut into the weathered flesh. He trembled, and she felt an answering tingle deep inside. Her fingers trailed along his, entangling and gently tugging him fully around to face her. �Please, don�t go.�

�Why?�

She shook her head. Why? Because� �I want you to stay.�

His eyebrows rose into his hairline. �Carter?�

Do I have to spell it out for you? Sam pulled at his fingers, snaking her hand back up to his wrist. �You�re angry and you�re hurt and I want to help you. Let me,� she pleaded softly.

He growled low in his throat and sank wearily onto the grass without looking at her. It was consent, grudging but clear, and she would take it without argument.

She waited, knowing that words would come when the silence had stretched beyond endurance. There were nuggets of truth needling the depths of her subconscious. Attempts to define the darkness that seemed to have descended over his spirit. He needed to open up, or they would remain nothing but speculation for an overactive mind. Something she was too good at, Sam mused.

�Baal,� he murmured haltingly.

She strained to hear the hoarse whisper that drifted wisplike against her ear.

�When we were on the Kelowan base and Teal�c told me�� the whisper died in the still air and he dropped his gaze to the sparse, grayish grass. �To tell you the truth, Carter, I would have gladly killed someone at that moment.�

Sam bit her lip in sympathy. They had never talked about Baal. The entire experience seemed too hot to touch. A searing open wound that he was afraid to explore, though it was desperately in need of the cauterizing touch of reason.

�How can I accept this?� he continued raggedly. A shudder rippled across his tense shoulders and his head shot up. Brown eyes stared with unfocused intensity at the apron of green spread out far below. �Tell me how.�

�I can�t.�

�The son of a bitch killed me more times than I can count, how can I trust him?�

�You can�t.�

He blinked and shook his head slightly. �That simple, eh?�

�Yes,� she replied gently, �That simple.�

�I have a duty, Carter, so do you. An oath I took to serve my country, to protect her from all aggressors both foreign and domestic. It doesn�t get much more foreign than this. Still�� he swallowed audibly, shifting his attention to her face. �I just don�t know if I can��

There was no need to point out their lack of choice. It was either follow orders or walk away. The latter being an option Sam was unwilling to consider. She met his gaze, and flinched at the naked rage and sadness that mirrored back at her. �Tell me,� she urged. Unsure if the truth would frighten them both into silence, but eager to take the chance of rousing the spark that was Jack O�Neill.

�What?�

�Anything�� she floundered. �You�ve held onto this long enough, haven�t you?�

�Barring my all too frequent visits to McKenzie�s cozy corner of hell?� he quipped weakly.

She licked her lips and allowed her hand to slip back into his open palm. The fingers curled around hers and he squeezed hard, bringing startled tears to her eyes. Blinking rapidly to clear them, Sam responded in kind. �Jack��

He winced as the name fell heavily between them. �Tell you what�Sam? Tell you that I�m furious that Teal�c, Hammond and the rest have not heeded my warnings? That I�m beyond irate concerning the Goa�uld alliance with us and against Anubis?� Jack ducked his head, continuing in a strained whisper. �That I�m terrified that somehow I will wind up back in that cell?�

�You won�t,� she reassured.

�You know this how?� he demanded.

�I suppose I don�t��

�No, and neither does anyone else. There are no guarantees, there never have been.�

Sam struggled to deny the truth of his words. Being in the military had conditioned them both to the fact that nothing was absolute. People passed through your life, they lived and died, no matter how hard you fought with or for them. The hope was false, and she sighed with regret. �There�s more, isn�t there?�

�I suppose,� he scowled, kicking the ragged matt of grass and weeds beneath their boots.

�Tell me��

�Sam��

�We�ve come this far��

�We?� he emphasized with a tilt of his head. �Is there such an animal?�

It occurred to Sam that he had not crossed the professional line until after she did. Letting her take the lead, in much the same way she had three years earlier. Then, as now, it was her choice. Sam nodded, �Yes we,� she repeated vehemently.

Emotions flashed across Jack�s pale features, too rapid to identify. He sighed deeply, apparently struggling to understand what she meant beyond the simplicity of words.

Sam reached out and caressed his cheek, trailing her fingers across his jaw. Muscles rippled beneath her touch. Teeth clenching and unclenching as he wrestled with feelings and phrases. She shifted closer, hip brushing against hip. Warmth spread from the glancing contact. Racing along the length of one leg, washing across her groin and up through her chest. Her fingers tingled as she gently grasped his chin, attempting to turn his head.

He resisted, the muscles in his neck and shoulders visibly tightening against her urging. Sam did not relent. The prickle of day old beard pressed into her fingertips as her grip firmed. The skin beneath was warm and dampened as Jack�s mute resistance intensified. For a moment, there was silence. So loud it drowned out the sounds of the awakening day, overwhelming the pounding of her heart. She strained to hear, to feel, what he could not release. A low, desperate moan seemed to build deep within. She felt the sound crawl up his throat and emerge from his lips. Released with a bitter, resentful twist of his mouth, a near sob of protest.

Sam froze.

He was close to something. So close it terrified him. His heart lay between them, suddenly wide open to anything she cared to say or do. Now was not the time for indecision, and yet she could not do otherwise. She had known from the moment she woke to find his sleeping bag empty and cold that today was different in a way that was indescribable. Asking Teal�c where he was, or when he had awakened, was merely a subterfuge. More for the benefit of her confused psyche than any semblance of subordinate/superior propriety. Teal�c had known it, had spoken as much. It was only her inability to confront herself that was now standing in the way of offering the Colonel, Jack, what he needed to hear and feel.

Swallowing her doubts, Sam firmly turned his head until they were face to face. His fingers twitched in her other hand, tightening against a shudder as their eyes met and held one another. �We have come this far,� she asserted.

Jack nodded against her hand. Tilting his head, he gently kissed the tip of her index finger. Eyes never leaving hers, he nibbled the sensitive skin. Trailing teeth and tongue from the ball to the inside of the first joint.

Shivering, Sam watched in fascination as his free hand drifted over hers. Guiding it higher up his cheek, giving his warm lips access to her damp palm. He paused then, eyes impossibly deep. Shaded by the shadows of the dawn and the turmoil of fear that had forced such a piteous sound from an unwilling throat.

�Tell me,� she whispered urgently. The ache to feel those gentle hands race across her burning skin was almost palpable. But the Colonel needed to release in words, as well as actions. Sam bit her lip, striving for patience and resolve. Was she, was anyone, truly strong enough to encompass the demons that made up the better part of his soul? To withstand what he often denied himself? What good was a friend, nay a lover, if they could offer nothing but the sanctuary of empty arms? For some that might be enough, but for them it never would be.

�Sam�� he protested hoarsely.

She shook her head, cupping his cheek. �You can�t keep it bottled up forever��

�Can�t I? Do I really have a choice?�

He drew away, and a cold weight settled into the pit of her stomach. Perhaps it was too late? She closed her eyes and heard him sigh at the broke contact.

�I didn�t think so,� he muttered. The tone was beyond angry or hurt, echoing defeat in a way she had never heard before.

Sam�s opened her eyes, vaguely horrified that he felt the need to lash out. To deny what she was offering. Anger bubbled up, raising a flush in her pale cheeks. �Damn you!�

�What?�

�How can you sit there and say that? Where is your fight? I have never seen you walk away from anything, and now it�s like you�ve given up completely.�

�What?� fainter this time, nearly lost beneath the hiss of the rising breeze across the short grass.

�I�ve watched you ever since Abydos was destroyed. I knew Baal would come back to haunt you and I knew why. At least I knew as much as you would tell any of us,� she snapped, unwilling to shield him from her frustration. �I wanted to help, but you wouldn�t let any of us in�except Daniel. Even with all he�s going through, he sees the change in you. What is it? It�s more than Baal, more than Abydos, what else?� Her hands fell to her lap. �What is eating you alive?�

�For Christ sakes, let it go!�

Jack�s unexpected fury washed over her with stunning force. He spun away, the sudden lack of bodily contact rocking her into momentary silence. Sam fought with her confusion. The distance between them had grown impossibly wide in the space of a single breath. There had to be a way to close the gap. Gently, she touched his arm. Through the thin fabric, she could feel the muscles iron hard and quivering as he strove for control. All pretense of friend and soldier fell away, dying softly into the dewy grass. The fa�ade erased by the rays of amber that touched his face and spattered the grass.

In seven years she had never seen or sensed such desolation. Jack�s body emanated fear and fury. Emotions that warred across his creased brow and pressed his lips into a barely visible slit. He refused to turn this time, staring resolutely at a point just beneath the rising sun. A split in the mountain range through which a dash of sparkling navy blue denoted the presence of a distant sea. �I�m not going until you talk to me,� she murmured quietly.

�And then?� he replied thickly. �What happens then?�

She couldn�t promise and he knew it. The question lingered. Casting a pall over them both, darkening the fresh light of day beneath a haze of uncertainty.

�The kid�Nevin. Do you remember him?�

Sam nodded, memory of the awestruck youngster bringing a pale smile to her lips.

�Do you remember the day we got to the planet? After we stepped through the dome?�

�Yes�� Where was this going? Speculation spun wildly through her mind leaving a shiver of apprehension in its wake.

�I heard him��

�Yes, and you called out�� she prompted carefully.

�I had my weapon raised, waiting�� Jack swallowed audibly. His eyes grew impossibly bright, and he closed them suddenly. Moisture slipped down the long lashes that fanned his cheek. �My finger was on the trigger, not flagged. When the kid stepped out of the bushes I could have shot him dead. Sam.�I was so close��

Ice trailed up her spine and exploded across her midriff in an almost physical arc of pain. Charlie. The name of Jack�s dead son blossomed like a beacon of sorrow and empathy. Her hand tightened on his arm. The trembling increased, jarring her fingers, tearing at her heart. She was weak, unworthy of the challenge of confronting the powerful maelstrom attempting to consume him. Self-doubt threatened to break the fragile connection between them, rendering the physical contact little more than a superficial promise. Sam bit down hard on her lip, tasting the tangible tang of blood and reality. �Charlie,� she whispered.

Jack bowed his head, refusing to open his eyes. All the evidence she needed to prove that her conclusion was inescapably correct.

Nevin was hardly the first child they had encountered. Nor was he the first alien youth that they had held at weapon point. Goa�uld and others had caused them all to doubt their senses time and again. Somehow it had never mattered as much before. Sam was at a loss to justify the reaction unfolding before her eyes. Why now? What made this child special? Or was it something more?

�He was so innocent. They all were. Their whole lives being played out in that shrinking bubble and they had no idea. I nearly took what little he had away�I was so close�.�

�But you didn�t, and ultimately we saved Nevin, Kendric, Pallin and all the rest. Over a thousand people.�

�I know that.�

�But��

�But it was so close. I wasn�t thinking, Sam. I let down my guard and self-preservation took over. I should have been more careful.�

�And why did you do that?� she coaxed. He had spoken in a monotone, voice nearly lost in the collar of his jacket. She could feel him trying to close up again. Hiding from her and himself. Sam moved closer. The heat of their bodies mingled, bringing with it a disquieting sense of grief and failure. She slid her hand down the length of his arm and found his fingers. Clamped and cold, they rested on the damp grass between them. Her knuckles grazed his hip as she encased his fist between her hands. �Why?�

Jack groaned deep in his throat. �I don�t know.�

�You do and so do I, you just refuse to share it with us. No one expects you to not be angry about Baal. No man could go through that and not have scars. You can�t take that all inside and expect it not to come out somewhere, somehow��

�It�s not an excuse for carelessness,� he bit out harshly. �I could have killed that kid just like��

�Charlie?�

�Yes.�

There was no accounting for the fickle whims of ghosts. For reasons only Jack could fathom, Nevin and the circumstances surrounding their meeting personified the accident that should have never happened nine long years ago. That single bullet had shattered his world, and Sam felt a momentary revulsion that she owed gratitude to such horror. History refused to change though, no matter how you mulled it however. Gradually, she uncurled her fingers and released his hand. After a moment, Sam rose to her knees and shifted. Putting her body between Jack and the vast, spreading daylight.

�Look at me, please.�

He surprised her by jerking his head up. Troubled eyes roamed across her face, pausing on curved lip and flushed cheek before meeting her frank gaze. �What would you say to me? That it�s over? That Nevin survived and Charlie didn�t and there�s nothing I can do to change it? That it�s okay that it took every shred of self-control I had not to run down that slope, and kill the son of a bitch holding Teal�c in that prison camp? Not to rip the whip from his hands and throttle him with it? That Baal and his horrors are a fact of life, that I have to learn to live with it, or walk away?�

He tore the words from her throat and spat them in her face. Unleashing a torrent of rage and pain, daring her to stand her ground.

Sam refused to wilt beneath the pressure, they had come too far to let wraiths and shadows stand in the way. The words began in her mind, resonating through the dusk of confusion, growing stronger as they found voice. �I would tell you that a part of me is dying inside watching you,� she began softly, raising her hands to caress the tender skin of his temples. �That I need to help�I need to feel with you and for you. I would tell you that by touching me, and being touched, that you can begin to be free. I would tell you that I will listen ��

�Why now?� he breathed. �Nothing has changed��

�Hasn�t it?� she replied quietly. Bending, she grazed his parted lips with a tender kiss. He responded hesitantly. One hand rose to rest lightly on her shoulder, gently stroking the skin beneath the heavy fabric. She tensed at the feathery touch. Needs and desires of every kind warred within, forcing her voice to a ragged whisper against his mouth. �I don�t want you to walk away, I don�t think I could take it ��

The hand moved to the back of her head. Long fingers ran through the short strands of hair, tugging slightly in their haste. He shifted, taking her weight across his lap, forcing her to arch and twist to keep contact with his suddenly active mouth. Moist lips enveloped hers, bruising and desperate in their force. She responded in kind. Tasting the tender flesh of his mouth. Rapidly stroking the roughness of his teeth with her tongue. Probing deeper into the hollow of his cheeks and along the hardened roof of his mouth. He moaned and leaned forward, cradling her head in the crook of his arm. She moved beneath him, stretching to meet his passionate kisses. The need for air forced them apart for a brief, restless moment, and she chanced a look at his face.

His eyes were closed and she felt a hint of disappointment. The need to see the man emerge through the haze of their blossoming ardor was paramount. But he was unwilling to share that part of himself. She wondered at the reluctance of spirit, so denied by the pressure of his mouth on hers. Jack bent forward and she rose to meet him, distractions forgotten. The pent up doubts and fears of a lifetime seemed to descend upon her with each quiver of lip and thrust of tongue. He clung to her with one arm, the other trailing almost clumsily through her hair and down her neck. Drunk with haste, the long fingers roamed across her stomach and fell to her waist. Without pause, he wrenched his mouth free and planted a string of fire across her jaw and down one side of her neck to the hollow of her throat.

Sam shifted, allowing his trembling fingers access to the button and zipper of her pants. The cloth loosened beneath his suddenly deft touch. A second, deeper moan vibrated the skin of her throat, warming the fabric that covered her chest. Jack eased her off his lap and onto the grass. Roughened hands urged her hips to tilt, allowing him to tug her pants free. Wordlessly, he caressed the skin of her exposed thighs, lingering on the gooseflesh educed by the cold. She writhed anxiously, his sudden urge to slow down at odds with the building fire deep within. She dared to seek his gaze for a second time in as many minutes.

He met her probing stare, unabashed by the glittering, salty trails that coursed down his cheeks. Mesmerized by the tears, and all that they implied, Sam brought a hand to his face and wicked the moisture away with diffident fingers. He smiled wanly beneath her touch, and leaned down to capture her mouth in a languid caress of lip and tongue.

�It�s okay��

�I know,� he whispered huskily.

Dropping down, he nibbled her neck and suckled the rounded flesh of her earlobe. Tingles fled from the core of her being to the tips of her fingers. She stroked his back and clutched at his sinewy arms as he leaned over her. Kisses dampened the hair of her temples and the smooth flesh of her forehead. He moved to one side and sank down onto his elbow. Elegant hands molded the flesh of her thigh and drifted to the warm expectant hollow between her legs. He dipped his fingers inside her, caressing her clitoris and smiling softly as she trembled in response. He was enjoying the teasing, lost for a moment in the pleasure of arousing her. Sam could not resent him for it, a part of her reveled in her role of distraction. Beyond the tiny bubble that encompassed them, the world was too real. Demands of life and limb waiting to squash the budding intimacy like so many rose petals. She enjoyed his smile and felt her lips lift in reply.

If Jack saw the transformation of understanding, he chose not to comment. With sudden fervor his lips found hers, tongue thrusting urgently between her teeth. He pressed her into the grass, bathing them both in silent tears. There was nothing to be said, no words to explain or deny the necessity of the physical release. She did not brush them aside this time. To do so would be wrong. An insult to the gentle soul that was struggling to rise past the demons who rattled their cages with an almost audible clamor.

His hand stroked her thigh. Fingers plunged in and out of her depths, rubbing the hardened nub with increasing intensity. Sharp pangs of ecstasy thrilled across her nerves, releasing her passion to flood against his palm and out upon the grass. Sam gritted her teeth, hissing a high keening sigh as the waves rose higher and higher. The last of the evening stars faded against a whitewash of sunlight, and the brighter flash of sensation as orgasm surged through her. She tore clumps of grass and dirt from the ground, riding the surge with thrusts of her hips against his massaging fingers. As the roar in her ears subsided his mouth descended again. Covering her with a renewed urgency.

Jack�s hands dragged the length of her thighs, briefly cradling her hips before moving to her waist. Ardent fingers pushed beneath her shirt, nudging the taut fabric over her breasts with one smooth motion. Sam sat up, allowing the cloth to slide across her back and over her head. Her hands shoved the jacket off his shoulders and found the buttons of his shirt, making short work of them. Opening his salt and pepper chest to the air and the tender ministrations of her erotic touch. He unclipped her bra and pulled it down to her wrists before shifting focus to her puckered nipples. Sam sucked in a startled breath as he nuzzled the tender flesh, teasing her areola with quick thrusts of his tongue.

She slipped free of the restraining material and arched forward. Urging his warm mouth to encompass the tingling skin. He suckled gently at first, then harder and longer. A low rattle grew in his throat, vibrating against her fingers as she trailed her hands across his chest up towards his face.

The skin of his cheeks and temples was wet with sweat and tears. She stroked her thumbs across the rippling muscles of his jaw, moaning a response as he released her breast with a sharp nibble. Jack�s head dipped and tilted as he moved quivering lips across the taut skin of her abdomen. Her hands raked his scalp, and she writhed with pleasure as he licked and nuzzled the tender flesh beneath her breasts and down her ribcage.

�Jack��

He paused and pressed his face close to her skin. Her hands stilled involuntarily in reply. She waited, breathless. What did it mean? Had her voice shattered the illusion? The roughened skin of his jaw and cheek puckered the flesh as he smiled against her body. Sam relaxed, releasing a shaky sigh. The expression brought a new and brighter warmth. She smiled in reply. The brush of Jack�s long lashes suggesting that he felt her acceptance. The touch of his lips leaving hot fevered trails from her waist and along the curve of her inner thigh. Evidence that he reveled in the freedom she was offering, however brief.

His tongue moved into the hollow, nose nudging the soft blond curls as he probed deeper. She winced and thrust against him. Felt the spark of his teeth as he responded with rapid thrusts of tongue. Warm lips suckled hers, forcing her to open wider as he sought the fullness of her. The wave rose for a second time. Overwhelming, it crashed the length of her quivering body and Sam bit her tongue to smother a cry. A part of her was conscious, but barely, of where they were. The who, and what, of their existence, lost beneath an almost savage groan from deep within him.

Jack�s head rocked between her legs. His hands cradling her hips and buttocks as he tasted the flood of her passion. She lay trembling in the grass, unable to move for the shudders that coursed the length of her sweaty frame. Eternity lay suspended between them, until finally he looked up. The tears were gone now, dried to dust by the flames that burned deep within his eyes. His gaze roamed hungrily over her. Raking her flesh, sending thrills of expectation shooting across her ragged nerves.

Now, please.

She begged him silently to come to her. To cover her body with the warmth of his, and release the demons that howled so insanely just beyond their fragile reality.

He rose onto his arms and crawled slowly forward. Drawing a trace of fire from her thigh to the rise of her breast and into the sensitive hollow of her throat. Sam lay still, feeling his pent up anxieties rising with the heat of his approaching form. She could see fresh sweat popping across his bronzed face, and smell the scent of her and him heavy on the morning breeze.

Closer.

Hovering above her now. Lips slightly parted, eyes flickering from her flushed cheeks to her mouth, and then up to her own expectant gaze.

�Sam��

She nodded fractionally. Giving permission for what had been offered. A last request before they finally fell over the invisible precipice.

Jack moved to straddle her. The inside of his muscular thighs encased her in icy warmth. It occurred to Sam that somehow, without her assistance, he had shed his pants and boxers. Feeling slightly annoyed at the missed opportunity, she ran her hands through the salted fringe of his chest and over his taut shoulders. Long sinewy arms shuddered beneath her touch. He dipped his head and kissed her slowly, tongue running languidly over her bruised lips. Thrusting sharply against her teeth and along the roof of her mouth. Her hands drifted across his elbows, and down to his fingers. Splayed wide and bracing in the short, sparse grass. She caressed the length of them, exploring each digit with thoroughness. His mouth left hers and nibbled along the set of her jaw, finding her ear and the soft flesh at the base of her neck.

Sam pressed her cheek against him and allowed her hands to slide up to his elbows, and then across the short space to his abdomen. She stroked the skin, noting the slight softening of age, and liking the brief flash of safety and security that it brought. He would not be pleased to realize that she noticed the changes in his body, but she did not care. There was a pleasure in maturity that could not, should not, be denied.

He stiffened slightly, perhaps sensing the thoughts projected by her lingering hands.

Sam smiled and tilted her head, tasting the corner of his lips as they moved across her face. Her hands fell lower. Fingers eagerly kneading the flesh of his thighs, before moving on to the hard, hot shaft pulsing between them.

Jack gasped, his warm breath flooding across her cheek and neck. Rising slightly, he leaned across her, allowing her fingers to guide him.

Exquisite pain shot through Sam as he penetrated and sank into her depths. Cautiously, his hips began to rock. She glanced up, studying his chin. His sharp gaze was focused above her head. Restless eyes roaming the brightening sky, as if afraid to see what affect he was having on her.

She suppressed the urge to speak. Enjoying the steady building rhythm of his attentions. Look at me! She wanted to whisper, to shout, to plead, but somehow it was wrong. To force him to confront what was finally coming to pass could shatter the illusion. For him, as well as her, a price to high.

He increased his pace, bending to graze a kiss against her temple. Tender lips planted a string of fiery caresses across her forehead and into her hair. Sam began to move with him. Feeling the pressure building between them as her whole being aligned with the power of his thrusts. She refocused on the movements of his jaw as he raised his head and stared towards the heavens. The muscles beneath the sweaty skin bunched and rippled with the effort to hold himself a hair�s breadth above her quivering form.

Faster

Deeper

Harder

He slammed against her, shooting sparks of pain and desire across her vision. Sam resisted the urge to cry out. Recognizing the frantic nature of his actions as far beyond his ability to control. Doubtless he was unaware of the heaviness of his breathing, the almost uncomfortable pressure as each desperate thrust forced her hips into the unyielding earth. She stared spellbound, watching his Adam�s apple rise and fall as he swallowed loudly. As if sensing her scrutiny, his head suddenly dipped. Hooded brown eyes raked across her face and then locked with her sapphire depths.

Desperation

Fear

Longing

Hope

Facets that glittered, nearly hidden by the pair of unshed tears suspended in his long eyelashes.

Sam ached to wipe them free and as she watched they fell. Landing wetly on her face, sliding over the curve of her cheek and disappearing into the soft grass. Startled, she froze. Her muscles gripped him tightly, pulsing of their own accord. His mouth moved soundlessly. She could feel the words. Falling like summer rain upon her very soul. Sam offered a tentative smile. Praying to convey without speech what was screaming to be free.

Jack began to move again. His actions abrupt, disjointed, by the distraction. She cupped his cheeks and stretched to kiss him tenderly. Catching his lower lip between her teeth and gently nipping as they pull apart. His rhythm smoothed out, increasing as release finally drew near. She thrust against him and heard a soft moan of pleasure and relief. Though she couldn�t be sure which of them uttered the errant sound. As she watched in fascination he became lost for a moment. Staring sightlessly into the heavens before dropping his eyes to lock with hers. Chips of obsidian fire bore into her, seeking understanding, absolution, acceptance, other things she dare not name but they both understood.

Orgasm was abrupt, almost terrifying in its intensity. He bit his lip and released a rattling sigh that ended in a near sob. Ruby blood welled to the surface and smeared across her cheek. Shaken free by the spasms of ardor that rocked them both. Sam drew her hands across his shoulder blades and up to the back of his neck. She caressed the skin at the base of his throat with her thumbs. Gently pressing the damp flesh as he gasped for air. Slowly, almost reluctantly, the tremors subsided.

Jack rolled onto his right side, settling onto the crushed grass with an audible sigh. He propped his head up on one hand, moving his body close against hers. His left leg was slung across hers, in what she hoped was a conscious gesture of possession. Sam liked the weight of it, the permanence it leant to the already fading fire of ecstasy. She stroked gentle fingers across his jaw and felt the flesh quiver beneath her touch.

He was looking over her head. Their angle of recline directing his line of sight towards the valley below. Despite the gentle prod of her fingers, he refused to drop his eyes. She wondered at the expression that lingered there. Couldn�t help the sense of unease as a shiver passed between them.

Below and behind, she could hear the sounds of Teal�c and Daniel breaking camp. The shiver of nylon and the clank and clack of utensils and tent poles being stowed, raised a sharp interruption to the steady caress of his breath in her ear. They would have to get dressed soon. Stand and face their friends and teammates, rejoin reality. Sam bit her lip and closed her eyes. Understanding and accepting the regret that washed over and between them did not ease its weight.

There was no question about what they had done. No fear that somehow the act had ruined all that was sacred between them. There was only sadness that it had ended. Anticipation of when and how they might find their way back to such a place was beyond the realm of consideration for the moment. For the present, there was a bitter grief that it would end too soon.

Sam bit back a sigh. Surprised and confused at the moisture that burned against her eyelids. The retreating warmth of Jack�s body grabbed her attention and she opened her eyes. Studying the movement of his body as he gathered his discarded clothes, and began to dress. The hint of a smile touched his lips, and he nodded ever so slightly. Acknowledging her scrutiny, and the pleasure it brought.

She moved to retrieve her clothes, trying not to think too deeply about the activities of the past half hour. Analysis would bring doubt, and neither of them needed or deserved such feelings. There was beauty and satisfaction in helping him release that which brought pain and grief on all fronts. Dare she accept that and let it lie? Was there more to it than that? Should there be?

�We have to go back�.�

�Never.�

He smiled at her whispered reply, finally meeting her probing stare. �Thank you.�

She didn�t ask what for. They knew beyond words. Her hand drifted to his elbow and trailed to his fingers, tangling together in a fierce grip before falling to her side.

*THE*END*