Present

Sam�s face was pale and drawn beneath the muted Infirmary lights. A faint, bluish tinge painted the skin under her closed eyes and the fading welt on her forehead. Jack O�Neill grimaced in sympathy, his anxious gaze skittering away from the disturbing sight.

This was familiar.

A paralyzing replay of fear and frustration tinged with bitter regret. He sighed softly and adjusted his seat on the gurney.

Above the constant jibber of the IV pump and various monitors arose the murmur of voices. Jack�s eyes shifted to the doorway and fell to the shadows on the floor. Janet Fraiser�s concerned tones mingled with General Hammond�s deeper rumble. Words and phrases came in snatches. His rank, Sam�s name, a rattle of medical jargon that made more sense than it should to a military mind such as his. Jack sat back and stretched painfully. Ignoring the cricks of neck and back and the faint flutter of unease that twisted his nauseous stomach. His eyes drifted inexorably back to the still figure on the bed and he swallowed hard.

Sam�s pallid features were relaxed, the picture of innocence. Devoid of even the tiniest tick, the lack of expression was as troubling as her persistent silence. Casting a pall of vulnerability amid the looming shadows of the dimly lit room. The impression was a distinct dichotomy to the solemn murmur of medical machinery and the disconcerting whispers of lowered voices and stifled footfalls. Jack shivered, hating the uneasy chill that raced up his stiff spine. It was not his hand that had put her here, but that didn�t keep guilt from roaring to the fore with chilling force. Propelling his pounding heart into his throat, until even breathing approached the realm of the impossible.

The timbre of the voices changed and Jack tensed further. Heavy footsteps retreated down the invisible hallway. Replaced immediately by the click and drag of feminine heals as Janet entered the Infirmary.

�Colonel?�

�Doc,� he acknowledged softly.

She stepped to the bed and noted the readings on the monitor. Jack envied her the ability to do something, however small, to assist in Sam�s recovery. He was consumed with the need to act and the gnawing fear that his emotional control was fast fading as the hours waned.

When had this become so difficult? When had hanging on to a semblance of dignity and propriety become the least viable alternative to letting go? Giving vent to fear, free rein to sorrow? Acknowledging once and for all�

Jack cut off the maudlin train of thought with a decisive inner slap. His restive gaze flickered across the doctor�s neutral expression. Janet kept her concern in careful check behind a barrier of professionalism. Distress betrayed only by the tightening of her lips and the darkness in her normally bright, cheerful gaze. Jack dragged a hand across the back of his neck and climbed to his feet. Helplessness was not an acceptable state of being.

�She�s going to be fine, Sir.� Janet murmured.

Startled, he glanced up and caught a glimpse of Sam�s brilliant, blue eyes as Janet flashed her penlight. �I know,� he replied levelly, suppressing a shudder.

She moved away from the bed and folded her arms. Dark brown eyes conveyed silent questions and brought a wave of concern as they probed his carefully controlled features. �You need to get some sleep, Colonel. I�ll wake you if something changes.�

�I�ll stay,� he replied. The clipped tone had sent a ripple of panic across the features of many a subordinate. Jack hoped it was enough to quell Janet�s innate need to medicate all her patients, in or out of bed. He repressed a sigh of annoyance when her stance shifted in evident defiance.

�Sir, you�ve been awake for 20 hours between offworld activity and time here in the Infirmary��

I know! Why are you stating the obvious?

�...Go lay down. I can make it a medical order��

You wouldn�t� He quelled the acerbic remark and flicked his gaze from Janet�s face to the bed. Her resolve was unshakable. Arguing was pointless, worse it was embarrassing and far too revealing of the inner conflict raging behind his crumbling fa�ade. Jack sighed softly and tried for a compromise. �Over there?�

Janet followed the gesture of his hand and nodded. Fortunately for all of them the Infirmary was empty. The far bed an indistinct mass amidst the inky shadows. Dark enough for sleep yet close enough for comfort. She nodded slowly. One pale hand came to rest on his shoulder, gently squeezing the hard flesh. �That�s fine.�

Jack nodded fractionally and wrenched his eyes from the bed with effort. The appropriateness of his concern was the last thing that mattered right now. Carter was here, again. The fault lay elsewhere, that was logic. Which meant nothing when Jack confronted the stark reality that the situation had moved well beyond his control. Leaving only the bitter tang of misplaced ire and regret to color the consequences.

In his heart he knew exploring the planets bordering the Prometheus� flight path was a useless exercise. The missing crew was quite capable of locating and fixing any available Stargate. The SGC had to start somewhere however so he reluctantly acquiesced. All too aware that inactivity would be his downfall. Inviting fear and a host of other emotions to exert unimaginable pressure on body and mind. Jack forced himself to listen to endless conjecture by military and civilian advisors in a futile attempt to keep unjustifiable guilt at bay. They weren�t ready for life �out there�, he stated with quiet conviction. A desperate argument meant to distract from the creeping belief that the mission was destined to end in disaster. As the speculation continued, Jack found it nearly impossible to maintain a veneer of professionalism. The defensive walls he struggled to construct were replete with cracks. Fissures that hemorrhaged a pain he should not harbor. Once more she was beyond reach and the words that yearned for voice remained unspoken.

�Sir?�

The soft query drew Jack�s attention mercifully outward. �Thanks,� he muttered darkly. Patting Janet�s hand, he slid free and forced his feet into motion.

Her eyes followed his reluctant progress into the far corner. Burning twin holes in his back as Jack approached the bed and sank onto it with a tired sigh. He lay down and stretched carefully, waiting out the doctor�s insistent scrutiny. Finally she turned away and drifted into the adjoining office. Jack shifted onto his side and stared across the space between Carter and himself. In spite of his best efforts to focus his vision blurred. Eyelids sinking with exhaustion until he slipped into a fitful doze. The mechanical hum of the surrounding machinery chased him into dreams filled with white flashes and cascades of amber fire.

Janet pulled out her desk chair and sat down. A long, slow exhalation escaped her pursed lips and fluttered the pages of the thick report sitting in the center of the blotter. She picked up a pen and scratched a note of Sam�s current vitals. Strong and steady, the Major was bouncing back. Albeit slower than certain people would like. Janet flipped the cover of the report closed and settled her elbows on it. Creasing the creamy surface as she rested her chin in her folded hands.

In spite of twenty feet and the bulk of a solid metal wall between them she could sense the Colonel�s presence. The man was rarely devoid of an aura of carefully concealed self-recrimination these last few days. He paced the halls with a dour expression on his craggy features. The normally light, mischievous gaze darkened to inscrutable wells that fixated on unwitting subordinates with all the sensitivity of a charging Rhino. The Colonel was struggling with the same feelings of inadequacy that had descended upon all of them when the news of Prometheus� disappearance reached the SGC.

The same and so much more.

Janet bit her lip and stared moodily at the shadowed space beyond the open door. He lay nearly concealed by the darkness. Moving occasionally evidently lost in a fitful sleep. The drag of his boots across the smooth cotton sheets whispered above the burble of the IV pump and the occasional bleep of a monitor. She shook her head. Why did it have to be so hard for both of them?

Four years had passed since the Colonel was marooned on Edora. She had watched as Sam struggled to build the generator. Acted per her responsibility as the CMO of the SGC when dedication to duty threatened to ruin the Major�s health. Straddled the line between professional and personal and finally crossed. Consumed with worry when her friend�s commitment showed itself to be more than simple friendship. In the end it was up to Teal�c to reach the Colonel, leaving Sam to bite her nails over the long hours. Janet could offer little except a sympathetic ear, which was more than Sam dared to take.

Something had happened when the remainder of SG-1 escorted the Edoran refugees back through the Stargate. Janet bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment. Memories of a subdued quietly hurting Sam flashed through her mind. It took weeks for the Major to elaborate on the details of the Colonel�s retrieval, beyond the bare bones of the required report. A flutter of anxiety thrilled across Janet�s frazzled nerves as she recalled the rainy fall evening when Sam showed up on her porch.

Past

Red wine and vanilla ice cream were an unlikely culinary combination, but suitable for wallowing, Janet noted as she gestured Sam inside. Her friend did not speak but proceeded directly into the kitchen. Finding the corkscrew in the back of the utility drawer, Sam popped the top on the wine and filled two glasses in the space of a minute.

Finally...

A sense of grim relief haunted Janet as she trailed the taller woman into the living room and accepted the proffered potable without comment. Sam drained half of her glass before turning around. Her eyes were chips of cobalt glass. Words fell from her twisted lips in a choked whisper, caught between blatant outrage and shuttered pain. �He slept with her.�

�Laira.�

�Yes!� she hissed before draining her glass.

Janet nodded slowly as Sam paced to the couch and slumped onto it with a blustery sigh. The explosion had been coming. Whether her friend�s sense of betrayal was justified did not enter into consideration. Sam was hurting. In her heart she had committed to the Colonel over the long months of his exile. It was a painful shock to know that he had not been as faithful to the unspoken pledge.

She walked to the chair opposite the couch and sat down on the edge of the cushion. There was no question in Janet�s mind that the Colonel was attracted to Sam. Since SG-1�s return from Hathor�s planet there had been a certain bounce in his step. An evident need to be in physical proximity of his 2IC, even if circumstances did not necessarily justify his presence. Janet was aware of the rumors of impropriety but chose to keep her own counsel. She was closer than most of the base personnel to both of them. It was unethical and personally abhorrent to choose sides. She empathized naturally with Sam, if for no other reason than shared gender. But she had lived the scenario herself and seen it end in ruin. The Colonel was walking a tightrope, perhaps without the benefit of a friendly ear. A search of her heart had lead Janet to the conclusion that they deserved support, and silence.

�You�re sure?� she asked with deliberate care.

Sam�s dark eyes flashed in the dreary half light spilling through the windows. �I�m sure.�

�How?� She felt foolish for pressing the point. Sam�s anger was like a festering sliver, however, it needed to be excised.

�When we brought back the villagers they were there, together, in her house.� Sam whispered bitterly. �It was written all over her face.�

Janet took a bracing sip of wine. �What?�

Sam�s face paled in recollection. �Possession.� The dark eyes disappeared beneath trembling lids. �Like she had left her mark. She was defying me to take him back. As if she knew�as if I ever�� She opened her eyes and stared across the room, looking right through Janet�s tensed form. �She wanted me to know that she loved him and that he had made love to her. At least once.�

Emotion bled out of Sam�s voice and filled the air with a despairing chill. Janet drained her glass and set it carefully on the tabletop. What response could be offered? Had Sam�s perceptions of the event been colored by months of desperate effort and the vapid cloud of misplaced loyalties? Janet bit back a frustrated oath. Fighting the instant outrage against the Colonel, which boiled like acid in the back of her dry throat. How could either of them sit in judgment? According to the pictures and reports Laira was a beautiful, spirited woman. A few years older than Sam and possessed of different goals, but filled with the same zest for life and the indomitable will to protect her people. Faced with a future devoid of options could the Colonel be blamed for choosing the path of least resistance? Finding happiness, however fleeting, in another woman�s arms? Janet dragged her gaze from the coffee table and searched Sam�s pinched features and restless blue eyes. She saw acknowledgement there and a grudging acceptance of her own inner arguments. Sam had traveled the same mental path. Having analyzed the situation from a logical perspective did nothing to assuage the pain however. �You�re not surprised are you,� she stated quietly.

�No, I guess I�m not. He�s a man after all.�

Janet smiled ruefully. Relegating the irrepressible Colonel to the rank of a typical male was like calling the Stargate a glorified elevator. Both descriptions lacked eloquence but were essentially correct, in so far as they went. She sat back and let out a deep breath. �What did you expect?�

�I have the right to expect anything?� Sam muttered into her sweater. She looked dolefully at the empty glass balanced precariously on one trembling knee.

Janet took the hint and rose to retrieve the bottle from the kitchen counter. �Don�t you?� she called gently as she rummaged in cupboards and drawers for bowls, spoons, and an ice cream scoop.

�It�s not something we ever talk about�I mean if there is anything� Jesus Christ Janet, why the hell does everything have to be so damned complicated!�

�Nothing new there,� she remarked as Sam fell silent. She put a healthy scoop of ice cream in each bowl and reached for the container of chocolate chips stashed in the back of the cupboard. After adding a small handful to their dishes she scanned the countertop for additional toppings. A can of cashews peeked from behind the food processor. Janet smiled. The sweet, curved nuts were Cassie�s favorite indulgence. Invariably present somewhere in the house at all times. She added cashews to their impromptu sundaes before putting the carton of ice cream in the freezer. Tucking the wine under one arm, Janet grabbed the bowls and returned to the living room.

Sam took her dish and scooped up a large sloppy bite. The nuts crunched loudly in the silence. �No I guess its not,� she admitted at length. �I was just hoping��

�What?� Janet put down her bowl and refilled their glasses. �That he would know how much you were hurting? How hard you tried?�

�I guess.� Sam scraped up another bite and chased it with a hasty sip of wine. She ducked her head, a wave of color rising in her pale cheeks. �It�s silly��

�It�s human,� Janet corrected vehemently.

�Great I�m human. Not super Sam can get us out of anything, just plain old lonely Samantha. Is that supposed to make me feel better?�

Bitter resentment colored the outburst. Janet licked her lips and studied the faintly muddied swirls of ice cream in her bowl. What had acknowledging inadequacies ever garnered her in the past? A world of pain, a lifetime of missed chances? The insidious subconscious insistence that, despite her husband�s sundry failings, ultimately it was her own reticence that had torn their marriage asunder? Janet swallowed past anguish with a bite of ice cream. The Colonel wasn�t Alec and in many ways she and Sam were worlds apart. �I�m just trying to offer perspective.�

�I know, and I appreciate it.� Sam put her bowl on the table and retrieved the wineglass. �I guess I just hoped�I expected him to know that I would never give up. That I wanted�� she trailed off.

Janet glanced up. Her friend�s gaze had dropped to the rich dark wine. She was staring into the maroon depths. Apparently seeking the words to explain what could not be justified but was glaringly apparent to anyone with eyes and a heart. �What makes you think he doesn�t know?� she asked quietly.

Sam shrugged not looking up. �Just a feeling.�

�Sounds like those could be a bit off, don�t you think?�

�Maybe.�

Janet rolled her eyes. �Sam you don�t know what he went through. It�s going to take time for you both to process this.�

�Is it worth it?�

Sam�s dark eyes flickered across Janet�s face inducing a tremor of unease. She was seeking answers to dangerous questions. Janet turned away for a long moment. Old vulnerabilities blossomed with fresh sorrow and she blinked rapidly reaching for control. �Yes,� she answered huskily. �Gods yes.� She swallowed and cleared her throat. �Talk to him, don�t let if lie beneath the surface. Secrets, assumptions, they are like poison, Sam.�

Present

The buzz of the desktop phone startled Janet from reverie. She blinked, momentarily confused as the haze of memory dissipated. The jarring noise repeated and she grimaced. Rubbing a hand across her gritty eyes before reaching for the receiver. �Fraiser.�

�Doctor?�

�Yes, Sir.� Janet straightened reflexively. �Can I help you?�

�Is Colonel O�Neill still there?�

�Yes he is, Sir. Shall I get him for you?� She pictured Hammond�s soft, rounded features in her mind�s eye. Eyes darkening as he pensively fingered his chin. To lie to their superior was out of the question, but Janet couldn�t help wondering if it were wise to ad grist to the mill.

�Is he sleeping?� Hammond finally murmured.

Janet stood and peered into the darkness beyond the open door. She could barely glimpse the Colonel�s boot heels in the shadows abutting the far wall. As she watched one leg straightened and he coughed thickly but did not rise. �Yes Sir, finally.�

�Let the man rest then. It�s nothing urgent.�

�I�ll tell him you called.�

�Thank you, Doctor. How is Major Carter?�

�Her vitals are strong. I expect her to wake up any time actually.�

�Good to hear.� Hammond hung up.

What must you think? Does it matter? Janet shoved the questions to the back of her mind too tired to look for the answers. She glanced at the coffee cup perched on the edge of the cluttered desk and shook her head. It was her job to monitor Sam�s condition but she was being just as stubborn as the Colonel. Aside from a series of catnaps she had been awake just as long as he. Ever since the Prometheus returned to earth and Sam arrived inside the mountain. The wait was catching up with all of them.

She walked out into the Infirmary and crossed to the open doorway. Conventional wisdom demanded silence for convalescents. It was a course of treatment that did not hold true in this case as far as Janet was concerned. She wanted the hustle and incessant drone of the SGC complex to invade the sterile silence of the ward. Sam had been alone on the Prometheus for four days. The huge ship was filled with the pervasive stillness of a tomb. The mechanical clicks and beeps of millions of circuits were scant substitutes for the heartening tones of human voice. Now, back on familiar ground, Sam needed to know that she was home. The clinical dismissals of medical theorists regarding comas did not enter into the equation. Janet believed that the unconscious could perceive their environment. The warmer the atmosphere the more inviting it would appear to Sam�s weary brain.

�Doctor Fraiser?�

�Hmm?� she glanced at the nurse seated at the duty station.

�Are you okay? Can I get you anything?�

�No Charlotte, thank you anyway. I think I just need some air. Keep an eye on Major Carter and page me if anything changes.�

�Yes, Ma�am. Is Colonel O�Neill still in there?�

�Yes, he�s sleeping. If he wakes up and comes looking please tell him General Hammond called for him.�

The nurse rolled her eyes looking dubious. �Just so long as I don�t have to wake him up,� she muttered.

Janet laughed softly and drifted down the hallway, her mind wandering. Charlotte Rush was as much of a victim of Air Force regulations as the Colonel and Sam. It was common knowledge among the med staff that she had gone out several times with Jonas Quinn. For propriety�s sake they both agreed to call it off before things got out of hand. It was difficult to build relationships outside of the SGC due to secrecy. Janet knew that it was imminently more dangerous to let your guard down with anyone within the bowels of the complex. Loving made one vulnerable friendship was daring enough. Jonas� departure was abrupt and left the normally gregarious lieutenant in a malaise. Janet felt for Charlotte, but the barrier of subordinate and superior prevented her from offering anything more than casual comfort.

She reached the elevator completely oblivious to the long walk down the nearly empty corridor. Punching the call button, Janet leaned against the wall and waited for the car. In the distance the Gate rumbled to life and the subdued chatter of the control room spilled from the speaker on the wall above her head.

The activity on base was constant. Heedless of the havoc reeked on hearts and minds. Janet swallowed a brief flash of resentment as she entered the waiting car. Suddenly �doing the job� held very little importance

Energy crackled around Carter�s body. Enveloping the white clad form in a gilded aura. Her arms rose and stretched wide as she stared. A blank utterly flat gaze, which filled his veins with ice and caught the ragged breathe in his constricted throat.

Jack raised the Zat.

Stop! Don�t make me do this�

Her fingers flexed, lightning gathering at the tips and shooting towards the surrounding walls. The SFs gasped and stepped back as the temperature rose. The air rippled, curiously alive with wispy tendrils of fire. They licked up the concrete and fanned across the ceiling.

Stop�dear God�

She defied the inner plea. Stretching her pale, smooth neck and directing that lifeless gaze towards the pitted cement slab above their heads.

�I believe the alien is attempting to return to the mainframe.� Teal�c�s voice touched the edge of Jack�s consciousness. A rumbling echo all but lost beneath the pounding of his heart.

Carter�.

He fired the Zat.

It/She trembled with the impact of the energy discharge. Her head tilted down and the crystal cold gaze fixated on his face. The arms dipped then straightened and the world was bathed in an amber glow. He blinked, his mouth moving in soundless despair. The outlets on the walls snapped and popped, absorbing the output and spilling the excess onto the floor in a glittering cataract of heat and sparks. The walls shimmered as the energy emissions rose to a crescendo. Making his skin crawl and reducing the throb of his racing pulse to a bare plaintive flutter. Jack swallowed hard.

Sam�

The charged air screeched. Her body flinched and he shook his head fractionally, numb with disbelief. Hope slipped free on leaden wings as he raised the weapon for a second time. The dead eyes continued to stare. Smooth mirrors of glacial glass, devoid of depth or the barest trace of the woman held captive. He fired and Sam crumpled to the floor.

No�

The inward scream of denial chased Jack to wakefulness. He flinched and sat up, nearly tumbling off the narrow bed. Sweat bathed his cheeks in chill rivulets as he struggled to extricate mind and heart from the depths of memory. The muted murmur of the Infirmary gradually dulled the nightmare. Forcing the visions back into the shadows and allowing air to creep back into his shriveled lungs. He pushed a hand through his damp hair and slid to the floor.

There was less equipment surrounding the single lit bed this time. Gone were the banks of flickering screens trailing multicolored cables. The plethora of electrodes and the coils of tubing supporting her life were an unpleasant memory, and the air did not reverberate with the steady pump and whoosh of the ventilator. What was missing did not detract from what was present however. Jack stifled a shiver. The effects of his Zat blast had left her a shell, utterly lifeless. This time she was breathing unaided and her brain wave activity was normal.

I am not responsible...

The internal mantra fell flat and resisted all attempts to give it strength and substance.

He bit back a groan and paced cautiously to the bed. Her breathing was deep and even. Jack concentrated on the flush of life in the high cheeks and the slight flutter beneath the papery shroud of her closed eyelids. REM sleep was a positive sign. He wrestled with the incessant cynicism that plagued him. Acutely aware of the spasmodic twitching of his fingers only partially concealed by the edge of the mattress. The reaction was involuntary. Driven by the overpowering desire to touch the milky skin of her exposed arms. Contact, however brief offered solace. His eyes shifted nervously to the open door.

Silence.

Jack dropped his gaze to Sam�s face. His hand crept over the edge of the bed and rested lightly on the crisp sheets. He paused, straining to hear the telltale clack of Janet�s heels or the dull thump of combat boots on the polished concrete.

Silence.

He swallowed hard and looked down at Sam�s folded hands. His fingers flexed, releasing the white linen and settling into the warm hollow of her bent arm. She did not react to the touch and his heart sank fractionally lower. Hope dashed in spite of the firm resolution to expect nothing save more of the same. Jack�s hand lifted and moved slowly above the cool skin. The motion of passage stirred the fine golden hairs covering her forearm. A faint smile teased the corners of his lips. The activity had to tickle. The pleasant sound of her soft reluctant chuckle and mock protest rang through his tired mind. A wish that lacked reason, a fantasy without substance. The smile faded when reality refused to mirror vision. He looked up for a second time. Every nerve tensed in anticipation of being observed. As if touching the hand of this woman were the biggest threat the SGC had ever faced.

Silence.

Jack licked his lips and refocused on Sam�s pale features as his hand came to rest on hers. The skin was warm and slightly moist. He ran his thumb over the knobbed bone of her knuckles. Caressing the scars that marred the weathered flesh. Idly ruminating on the strength of character bespoken by the jagged lines and pocks, which lent texture and tone. His eyes never left her face as he explored the folded fingers. Examining the length and breadth of each individual digit, impressing the sensation to memory with unsettling desperation. He progressed to the tendons crisscrossing the backs of her hands. Tenderly stroking the taut chords before slipping into the hollow beneath her wrist. He lingered on the steady throbbing pulse and then trailed feather light across one wrist. Tickling, teasing, desperately hoping to rouse her.

�Colonel?�

His hand jerked involuntarily. Jack swore beneath his breath and shoved the errant appendage deep into his pocket.

�I�m sorry, I didn�t mean to startle you,� Janet said.

�You didn�t,� he lied without conviction. His fist clenched the fabric of his trousers until his arm ached with the strain. Jack looked up. His eyes jumped frantically across Sam�s immobile face and fell on the coffee cups in Janet�s hands. �One of those for me?�

�Huh? Oh, yes.� She held out the beverage. �It�s hot.�

�Usually is,� he quipped as he took the cup. Stupid! So Stupid! The subconscious admonishment caused him to suck in an unsteady breath. The hot liquid instantly scalded his mouth and throat. Jack swallowed hard, struggling to contain an exclamation of disgust and pain. What was I thinking?

�Everything okay?� Janet asked as her attention shifted to the bed between them.

Jack nodded stiffly. His mouth was filled with the taste of seared flesh made more astringent by the heat of embarrassment. He wanted to be angry. How dare anyone judge my feelings? Why does every look, every touch, have to be tainted? But only the resonating impression of the kid and the cookie jar sprang to mind. Jack fought the absurd chuckle that clogged his throat, and succeeded in cowing it into a dry cough. �I think she�s dreaming,� he commented by way of distraction.

Janet tilted her head. Her small hands drifted up to check the IV and back down to smooth the clean white sheets across Sam�s chest. �It�s a good sign.�

He could only nod a second time. The dregs of nightmare still clung to the shadows. Sam was here, again� Jack repressed a shiver. �Thanks for the coffee.�

The doctor stepped back from the bed and leaned against the wall. Her shoulders slumped as her hands disappeared into her lab coat pockets. �Sir��

Jack tensed. Did she know? How? He ground his teeth enduring a fresh wave of mortification. How could she not? �What?� he managed raggedly.

Janet looked to the ceiling. Her mouth opened and closed seeming to chew on the phrases within. �I know what you�ve been thinking about,� she whispered.

Do you? Somehow I doubt it. Jack looked down, his eyes inexplicable drawn to the gleam of the overhead light splashing across the toe of his boot. How can you know how hard this is? What got us to this point? I never thought I would be caught like this for a second time. Surrounded, invaded, consumed by an emotion as indomitable as gravity and as fragile as a snowflake. Love is bigger, stronger and more resilient than I have ever given it credit for. Do you know how hard my heart is pounding? Can you hear it? Jack released a stuttering sigh and forced himself to look up.

She met his searching gaze with wide earnest eyes. Perfect mirrors reflected his uncertainty with brutal honesty. This was a woman who knew life in all its twisted incarnations. Two words slipped free of Jack�s dry mouth. �The Entity.�

�Yes.�

It was an affirmation of fact and he felt no inclination to deny or expand upon the truth of it. Things were different this time, at least on the surface. Jack clung to the details that separated past and present. �She�ll be okay?�

Janet did not react to the slightly plaintive note that colored the question in spite of his best efforts. She chose to refocus on her patient. Absently adjusting the IV tubing and glancing at the steady beat on the monitor before replying. �She�ll be fine. It wasn�t your fault.�

Jack bit his tongue hard. She was determined to release the demons and he was just as vehement that they remained chained to the nether regions of his dark heart. The conversation was taking on the distinct characteristics of a battlefield skirmish and his brain rose in defense of shattered senses with stunning rapidity. �I don�t want to talk about this with you.� It was personal and harsh and Jack instantly regretted the flash of hurt in Janet�s eyes.

�With me?� Janet retorted sharply. �Or with anyone?�

�Excuse me?�

�Dammit, I�ve been watching you both dance around this for four years!� she hissed as she pushed away from the wall. �I just can�t��

�Doctor,� Jack interrupted hotly, �You�re dangerously close to��

�What,� she bit out, �The truth?�

�Insubordination,� he rasped.

Janet�s hand was like an iron band on the chilled flesh of his arm. She pulled and Jack stumbled slightly as they retreated from the edge of the bed and into the darker center of the ward. �Bullshit,� she continued tightly. �I sat in that room and watched you admit how much you cared and then I sat and watched Sam do the same. You�re both running from the same ghosts except yours are far more tangible.� Her voice softened as the fire faded from the sparkling brown eyes. �You killed her once and now you�re blaming yourself for not being there because she nearly died.� The hand slipped off his arm and traced a quivering trail across her damp brow. �Nearly, Colonel, nearly.�

Jack closed his eyes for a long moment, gathering the tattered shreds of defiant control. Her statements reverberated with the tones of fact and the teeth jarring realities of the situation at hand. He sensed there was more. Words of anger, hurt, even comfort swelling behind her pursed lips. A small part of him yearned to hear their wisdom. There was so much more to the diminutive doctor than her fierce devotion to the Hippocratic oath. �Nearly,� he repeated distantly. She nodded. Apparently accepting the only admission he could allow.

�Take a walk, Colonel. Clear your head. She�ll be here when you get back.�

�I�m��

�No, don�t say it� Please��

He closed his mouth with a muted snap and drifted to the doorway. His gaze flitted over Carter�s body and rose to Janet�s pale face. �Thanks.�

�You�re welcome.�

Jack walked out into the busy hall. The conversation was blunt and mercifully short, but somehow he felt lighter. Buoyed by a confidence born of friendship more than professional authority. Janet had been right on target and he wondered at the depths of her relationship with Sam. He felt an increased respect for the brilliant physician and a renewed hope for the future, which could not be entirely quelled by lingering worry.

As he rounded the end of the corridor and approached the elevator bank Daniel disembarked from an arriving car. �I was just coming to look for you,� he called hesitantly.

Jack flushed at the restrained note in Daniel�s voice. Everyone had tread lightly over the last few days. It was difficult to accept that his terse demeanor was in part responsible for his friend�s evident uncertainty. �Why?� he inquired lightly, hoping to ease the mood.

The younger man smiled faintly. �How�s Sam?�

It was a subject neither dared to breach since the Prometheus return. Jack sighed, allowing relief to creep into his tone. �Fraiser says she should be awake any time.�

�Good to hear.�

Jack nodded, his eyes falling to a notebook hanging from Daniel�s limp fingers. �So what�s up?�

�Oh, uh�I was talking to Teal�c. We�d like to have a little get together when Sam�s up and around again.

�I�ve got a big backyard,� Jack offered carefully.

The archeologist nodded his smile widening slightly. �Great, I�ve started a list��

�We need cake.�

�Cake?�

�Yes.� Jack affirmed. Visions of blue, and silver icing overlaying rich, dark chocolate brought a languid smile to his lips. �Lots of cake.�

�Okay��

Janet watched the Colonel�s back as he retreated into the hallway. The breath she was holding expelled in a quivering rush, lifting and blowing the hair across her sweaty face. Confrontation was not an activity she was very comfortable with. Pushing a superior officer into a painful personal admission ranked at the very bottom of desirable activities.

Did he understand that she was only trying to help? The stalemate had gone on for so long, weren�t they both tired? Of course it wasn�t as simple as admitting emotions, accepting feelings. The military added depths of complexity she was all too familiar with. Still if there was a chance that Sam and the Colonel could overcome those restrictions and find a happy medium she would do everything she could. Alec�s face flashed through her mind and Janet frowned. The reasons for their failure were multiple and not all connected to the strict code of regulations that had ultimately driven her from the army and into the Air Force. Uncle Sam deserved some of the credit for the dissolution of their union however, and she had no compunctions about giving him his due.

The whisper of flesh on fabric drew Janet�s attention. She crossed to Sam�s bedside and studied the monitors for a moment. Heartbeat and respiration had increased fractionally over the last few minutes. Sam was starting to come around. She thought briefly of the Colonel and his ever present pager and then put the idea aside. The bond between Sam and he was strong, too strong. He would be back before she woke completely.

Janet considered the IV line. Prudence suggested it remain, in spite of her patient�s distaste for intrusive needles. Janet fingered the smooth plastic and made her decision. Gently removing the tape and shunt and applying a moment�s pressure to stop the trickle of blood that followed. Sam stirred at the activity and her eyelids fluttered. Creeping closer to consciousness with each breath, Janet noted gratefully. A flicker of sorrow licked across her nerves. Wakefulness would bring the pressures of who and what they were roaring down upon both her friends. It could not be helped. She could only hope that this event would push them to the next level. Limbo was no place for anyone to take up long term residence.

She glanced over her patient a final time and then walked into her office. The padded desk chair beckoned and Janet sank into it. Tension flowed from her body as she settled against the cushion and looked out towards the ward from beneath half closed eyelids. She slipped into a half doze, only vaguely aware of Charlotte Rush entering the Infirmary. The nurse checked Sam�s vitals with her usual efficiency and then wandered back out to the desk, leaving her superior undisturbed. The distant wail of the Klaxons sounded, followed minutes later by a general announcement of �All Clear� Janet drifted in a fog of near exhaustion, her senses tuned to the return of a single individual.

Jack walked into the ward five minutes after the red alarm lights were turned off. He went immediately to Sam�s bedside before turning to Janet�s office. She blinked and sat up at the hesitant knock on the door jam. �Nice walk?� she asked drowsily.

He nodded. The first smile she had seen in days crinkled the corners of his thin lips. �Bumped into Daniel. We�re planning a little social when Carter�s up to it.�

�Sounds good.�

�You�ll be there of course.�

Janet nodded. His enthusiasm was carefully controlled but she reveled in it nonetheless. �I wouldn�t miss it.�

Jack turned away and proceeded across the dimly lit room to the gurney adjacent to Sam�s bed. He climbed onto it and Janet winced sympathetically at the muttered oaths that drifted on the still air. His knees were a mess and he ached in new places each time she examined him. But he was stubborn and nothing would prevent him from carrying on the fight, short of a body cast. The image made her grin as she leaned back in the chair.

His presence filled the silent ward, emanating reassurance in spite of the sea of doubts that plagued his heart. Janet closed her eyes. Did Sam have any idea of the extraordinary gift that awaited her? As sleep claimed her tired brain Janet sent up a silent prayer of hope.

*THE*END*