Missing scene from "Enemy Mine"
Something far more painful than physical discomfort, was bothering Jack O�Neill. Sam could see it in the set of his good shoulder and the restless twitching of his long fingers. As if of their own accord, the overactive digits played with the radio and lingered on the crack in her dash, before flitting to the base of his neck and then back to the seat. He refused to meet her eyes. His unfocused gaze skittering away to the roadside, or the sky, whenever she glanced in his direction.
Sam hated to speculate. Wondering always raised more specters than she could handle lately. Casting doubts on the who and what that lay between them. As if they needed any more, she thought grimly.
�You�re angry, aren�t you?�
She resisted the urge to drum her fingers on the steering wheel. Irritated though not surprised by his refusal to answer. The silence stretched, becoming oppressive as the minutes dragged on. Sam considered closing the windows and turning on the air conditioning, then thought better of it. The rush and roar of the open air offered scant reprieve, but she would take what she could get.
�I suppose,� he admitted softly, startling them both.
Sam bit her lip and concentrated on the intersection in front of them. As she navigated her way around a stopped car, she cursed the stupidity of double parking. Using the idiocy beyond the windshield to distract herself from the cold knot that had settled into the pit of her suddenly nauseous stomach.
Things had never been like this between them. While it was well known that Jack didn�t �talk� to anyone voluntarily, his cynical wit was ever present. An offhand comment in the heat of a tense situation rarely failed to lift her spirits. The passage of time had finally shown Sam that it was okay to smile, even laugh. He needed her acknowledgement and acceptance as much as she needed to give it. His present state of reticence only added to the gnawing sense that she was missing something important, and obvious.
�What about?� she prompted.
�You choose,� he replied cryptically.
Sam swallowed a sigh. Jack O�Neill was the king of the understatement. Second only to Teal�c when it came to stoic resolve, he wasn�t going to make this easy.
She had an idea what was bothering him, but she hated to guess. Unwilling to be drawn into the nether region of random suspicion generated by an overactive mind. Speculation ultimately led to anxiety, and regret, when action finally revealed the truth. So she waited, driving cautiously through the crowded downtown streets, trying not to let his obstinate behavior distract her from firm resolve.
General Hammond had not batted an eyelash when she volunteered to take Jack home. With Daniel and Teal�c stuck offworld dealing with Colonel Edwards and the Unas, someone had to drive the restricted man offbase. Who better than a member of his team? It was a logical rationale that went a long way to assuage the anxious thoughts that had filled her mind since Jack came stumbling through the Gate, spouting expletives fueled by pain and disgust. Making no secret of the fact that he was more than a little put out by the bleeding gash on his right shoulder, and the state of disaster left behind on the planet.
The next day found him pacing the floor of the Infirmary, demanding to be released. A request the nurses would happily have granted, given the choice. Jack�s disdain for the Infirmary and all that it implied were well known among the med staff. Sam couldn�t blame them for a collective groan every time he was ushered into their midst, or for the audible sigh of relief when he finally left.
After a half hour of fussing from Janet, he had been set free. Clearly unhappy about the three days leave followed by light duty, he had been given. A necessary precaution until the shoulder wound had closed completely and the danger of infection had passed. Sam knew the CMO�s biggest reason for being so cautious and verbose stemmed from the fact that she was on a short mother/daughter retreat with Cassis when SG-1 was attacked. Equally aware of the doctor�s true motivation, Jack submitted to her instructions with a look of long suffering patience plastered across his features. Sam had surreptitiously watched from the office doorway while Janet adjusted his sling and proceeded to admonish him at length for being so careless. The diminutive doctor went over every instruction on Jack�s discharge sheet. Her concern evident in the way she shifted her weight from foot to foot, and stood hand on hip behind her desk.
The recollection of Jack�s furtive, pleading glances in her direction during the reprimand brought a faint smile to Sam�s lips. His dark eyes had spoken volumes for his state of mind. The way he slumped in the chair, fiddling with a pen would have been funny, almost endearing, if it hadn�t been so utterly sad.
The smile faded as she turned off the main drag and onto the street that would take them into Jack's suburban neighborhood. He wasn�t going to volunteer what now seemed so obvious in light of further contemplation. She wondered if some of his professed denseness was rubbing off, or if fear of the truth were the true cause of her mental block.
�Edwards?� she ventured tentatively.
He shrugged, a brief flash of pain twisting his pale features into a frustrated grimace. �Damn, that hurts.�
�I�m right, aren�t I?� Sam continued quickly, trying to ignore his obvious discomfort.
Jack�s dark eyes skimmed across her cheek, leaving a trail of tingles. He nodded fractionally.
Sam slowed, watching a dog chase a ball across the mouth of a driveway. The canine dropped the bright green object into a puddle and bounded up towards a man standing by a garage. She grimaced with annoyance and pushed down the gas. Idiot! Her displeasure had little to do with the unrestrained pet, but it was easier to direct it there. The unspoken hung between them, suspended on a string of glass. No doubt to shatter beneath the weight of her next question.
�Why?� She shouldn�t press the issue, or him, into a state of defensive defiance. But like any good puzzle, Jack�s foul mood was too distracting to be avoided. The fact that it hurt too much to see him this way was beside the point. Unfortunately.
When had it come to this? When had hope faded to embers? Could it be reborn? Her mind filled with the useless questions as she navigated the quiet streets. When Jack finally chose to reply, his voice was nearly inaudible beneath the fitful gust of the wind. The desolate tone tearing a fresh gash in her confused psyche.
�It�s nothing he�s done. I should have zigged instead of zagged. I should still be there helping Daniel diffuse this mess. Vidrine is going to push it to the wall and I can�t be there��
Sam swallowed hard, uneasy with the blatant admission underlying Jack�s words. Confirmation of the core issue was bit more than she expected, and harder to swallow than anything Janet could dredge up in her warehouse of wonders. �You can�t be everywhere.�
�I can�t?� A wry smile flitted across Jack�s lips. �Daniel is too close to this, you heard him. He thinks he�s going to �break in� Edwards. I know the type, hell I am the model�� he fell silent, staring resolutely out the window.
�Maybe it will work out better than you think,� Sam suggested. She had her doubts, though she was loathe to share them. Daniel�s competency had never been in question before. His Descension and recovery had been replete with stops and starts however. They barely had time to breathe before a new mission offering its� own unique set of perils was thrust before them. Was he capable of working through his past issues and dealing with the explosive situation on the planet? Sam shook her head, refusing to let the tangent distract her from the current situation. �It�s not like we can do anything about it,� she pointed out gently.
Jack shot her a venomous glance. �Gee, thanks Carter.�
�I didn�t mean��
�I think I know what you meant.�
Where was this coming from? Hurt and angry, Sam took the turn onto Jack�s street and stepped hard on the gas. The car topped the rise and swung into his driveway with an annoying screech of rubber. Jack was out and halfway to the door before she could shut off the engine.
Oh no you don�t! Surprised by her inner fervor, Sam lurched from her seat and slammed the car door.
The sound echoed through the quiet neighborhood. A dog began to bark, harsh and grating in the heavy, humid air. Jack froze mid stride. His back tensed, but he did not turn as she crossed the pavement with two long strides. Her hand shot to his uninjured arm. Latent common sense the only thing that prevented her from wrenching him around. She stared at the back of his head, knowing the effect her attention was having. Horrified and pleased danced in an odd dichotomy of emotion through her troubled thoughts. �Don�t walk away like that.�
The statement fringed on the territory of an order. His head shot up from contemplating the lawn, but still he refused to turn. The flesh beneath her fingers dampened and shivered. Sam bit her lip, hating the fact that he was struggling so hard to hide. �You know what I meant in the car. How could you take it otherwise?�
�Carter, let me go.� Jack wasn�t asking, he wasn�t ordering, he was pleading. A soft sigh shuddered through his frame as he slumped ever so slightly. �Please.�
�I won�t, not until��
�What?� He spun in place, forcing Sam to step back. �What do you want from me?�
�Nothing.� The simple truth caught them both by surprise. Words spilled out, unchecked by logic, spurred on by concerns that refused to be silenced by caution. �It�s okay to be angry about all of this. Regrets are part of life, maybe too big a part. You did the best you could, like you always do. Isn�t that enough? Why is everything your fault?�
�Because it is!� he snapped hotly. �Because being in command makes it my fault. Carter don�t you see that?�
�This isn�t about command, stop hiding and admit it. This is about you getting older. This is about pride in who you are and what you�ve done. This is about fear,� she paused, awestruck by her own audacity. Jack stared at her, his mouth moving spasmodically as he struggled to respond. Sam squeezed his arm and stepped forward. The warmth of his body washed over her, filled with the heady scent of false rage and creeping panic. He had been found out, demons released without warning. She pushed on, determined to deny the persistent clamor that threatened to drive a new wedge between them. �This is about fear of growing old, of looking weak in front of the team.� She dare not substitute me for team, not even in the privacy of thought. �You don�t, and you never have. Don�t you see that you are respected for what you have done? That people will always look to you because of the man you are? No matter what the future brings?�
�And you,� he interjected softly. �What do you see, Sam?�
Acutely aware of the subtle shift from the professional to the personal, Sam swallowed audibly and forced herself to meet his troubled eyes. �I see someone I respect and admire. A man who challenges me to do and be better, whether he realizes it or not. I see a human being who doesn�t realize that he is so much more than a military machine, so much greater than the sum of his regrets.� She released his arm and touched his face with feathery fingers. Her heart lurched in empathy as he sighed against her palm. They had traveled such a long road. Taking a myriad of twists and turns and surviving the depressions of time and trial to reach this point. �I see you.�
Jack nodded stiffly. His hand rose to touch her shoulder, squeezing gently before pulling her into an awkward embrace. Soft lips grazed a kiss across the smooth skin of her forehead, then pressed more firmly against the dull throb at her temple. She responded without hesitation. Holding him tightly as he shuddered with release. They stood for a long moment. His breath was warm against her scalp. Ruffling the fine hair of temple and neck as he leaned against her.
�I�ve missed you.�
She nodded against his neck, feeling the answering flutter of her heart. Beating rapidly with expectation and relief. �I�m not going anywhere.�
He drew back, a tentative smile hovering on his pale lips. �Come inside?�
Sam nodded, sliding her hand down the length of his good arm and snagging his cupped fingers. �Talk a while?�
Jack ducked self-consciously and stroked a hand across her cheek. �Yeah.�
*THE*END*
