Part Two

Present five years after season seven Past season five

---

Daniel sat back on Jack�s rumpled bed and let the report settle to the floor between his feet. �Spiders,� he murmured into the growing darkness. He was not surprised at the description Jack had chosen for the blue aliens on P3R-298. According to his sketch, their tall spindly forms were insect-like with rounded faces perched on long thin necks. Beneath snowy wisp thin hair peered eerie lavender eyes composed of eight distinct facets that gleamed and glittered like funhouse mirrors. The spider analogy, while not particularly eloquent, was appropriate.

He glanced down at the reports and scooped them up with a weary sigh. After Jack had fallen asleep, he had discussed the situation with Janet, out of earshot of General Hammond. He had known for a long time that Jack had copies of most of his mission reports in his home. It was against regulations, but Daniel couldn�t bring himself to report his friend�s transgression. No force on Earth or elsewhere would force Jack to betray his country, so possession of the reports had remained a known but unspoken secret between them. General Hammond as an Air Force officer would not and could not be so blas�. He had an obligation to report such violations. Daniel refused to put him or his wife in that position so he kept his confidence, telling Janet only that he thought a clue to Jack�s state of mind could be found in his home. It was enough for her and she told him to go, with the assurance that she would call if Jack woke up. Teal�c had wanted to come, but after a moment�s thought decided that his place was at the SGC. It was obvious to everyone that he remembered the aliens, the how and why wasn�t important at the moment. His recollections might give them all a greater understanding and could provide Jack with a measure of comfort if he woke up in a panic.

Daniel ran a hand through his hair. The answers were in the handwritten report, at least some of them, but there was something more. A vague, gnawing suspicion persisted, he knew these creatures. Not just from SG-1�s brief exposure on the planet, but in a deeper almost kindred sense. He rose to his feet and went out onto the balcony.

Dusk was creeping across the backyard, casting dew heavy shadows amid the grass and over the indistinct lump of the covered grill in the corner of the fence. Daniel raised his eyes skyward, scanning the darkening heavens for some sign that he was on the right track. Pin points of emerging stars winked faintly down, teasing him with their distance. He smiled faintly, still amazed after all these years that they were only a step away.

Daniel took a deep cleansing breath and tried to let his mind wander inward, seeking what Oma had assured was there. Blank mental pages opened before him, a gray barren landscape devoid of anything but questions. He sighed with frustration. �What is it I�m supposed to know,� he muttered, hating the hopelessness that echoed in his voice. How many times had he talked himself to the solution of a problem? Mumbling ancient words beneath his breath until suddenly, snatches of long forgotten information coalesced into a leap of understanding that filled him with a sense of accomplishment and pride. Talking to the fitful breeze was proving futile this time out, he thought grimly. Why can�t I solve this? What good am I as a friend if I can�t help Jack through this? I can�t let him down again�

�Stop it, this isn�t helping,� Daniel whispered urgently cutting off his self pity with a sharp mental slap. Turning, he walked back into the bedroom and retrieved the reports from the bed. With a renewed sense of urgency he skimmed the written notes and then the drawings he had submitted. The blood ran like ice in his veins as he studied the black and white rendering of the carving nestled atop the stone cairn

�Do I have the answers for him? Are they here somewhere in my mind, locked away?�

�Do you believe they are?�

�Yes, they are here.�

�Then go��

Oma had been right! He had seen these creatures since SG-1�s encounter seven years earlier. Snatches of memory flitted through Daniel�s mind as he sank onto the end of the bed.

The creatures on P3R-298 were Beings of immeasurable intelligence and knowledge who were as old as the Ancients. Simple, uncluttered minds, linear in their thinking, logical to the point that they could not tolerate the chaos the Universe had become in the eons since their evolution. As one of the Ascended Daniel had encountered them in his travels. They had been welcoming, forgiving of his earlier transgression as a member of SG-1, recognizing his risen soul as pure unlike the multitude of mortal beings that shared their existence. They had blended their thoughts with his. The sharing accomplished amid an inward light of overwhelming beauty and complexity. Colors and patterns had painted his consciousness with the knowledge of the ages.

Daniel sighed and raised his eyes towards the ceiling, blinking sightlessly. All gone in a flash as he Descended back to his corporeal state, he reflected sadly. His experience with the blue aliens had been one of the things he would miss about his altered existence. They had brought order to the confusion that cluttered his mortal state. He understood things better than he ever could as a human being, in part due to their guidance and openness. Now they were memories, frustratingly incomplete. There had to be more, he reasoned. He struggled with the thoughts that floated at the back of his brain. Pulling them like fine hair, braiding them into conscious workable thoughts.

P3R-298 was just another on a long list of uncharted planets. SG-1 had been given the results of the UAV fly over after the MALP proved useless due to the vegetation that choked the area around the Gate. Daniel grimaced remembering Jack�s reaction to the assignment. He had been grim and tight-lipped, expressing his displeasure in clipped orders and sharp glances. It was a milk run he complained and not worth their time. Obviously no one had been using the Gate for who knew how long, what was the point?

Daniel had argued the buried civilization theory and received rolled eyes for his troubles. Ultimately, General Hammond had approved the mission over Jack�s protestations and they had departed through the Gate, emerging into an environment similar to the South American rain forest. Jack had been on edge from the start, but refused to explain why. When Daniel discovered the cairn he couldn�t keep the glee from his tone, his irritation with Jack�s attitude fell by the wayside in the face of discovery. It had been far too long since SG-1 had stumbled across anything of archeological/anthropological interest. Jack had acknowledged his find with a weary shake of his head but he had kept quiet, choosing to let Daniel enjoy his moment in the sun despite how clearly it aggravated him that the younger man had been correct.

Then they had found the clearing...

He dropped his eyes to the drawing and traced the design with an absent finger. This was the key, he realized, the image that connected the man he was then to the non-corporeal Ascended Being that had interacted with the creatures. His mind flashed back to the eerie silence of the primeval forest. The aliens had watched them as they entered the clearing. Staring with wide, glittering eyes while SG-1 tried to understand who and what they had encountered. Speaking telepathically amongst themselves, Daniel now realized that they had agreed on a course of action whose repercussions would drive Jack to the edge of his sanity, and would tear all their futures apart.

Daniel swallowed hard, suppressing the urge to crunch the drawing into a wrinkled ball. While they had welcomed him as an Ascended kindred soul they had not been pleased by SG-1�s intrusion. They were xenophobic, for all their vast understanding they abhorred interaction with lesser creatures. Deeper and stronger than the hate was the fear. The Beings were terrified that touching the minds of chaotic, mortal souls would somehow corrupt their evolved, logical sensibilities.

They had touched Jack because he was the leader, the most powerful Will among them, therefore the most dangerous. The smallest and oldest of their assembled number had reached out and stroked his friend�s knitted brow, rendering him instantly unconscious as it filled his mind with�what? Daniel threw the report aside and buried his face in his hands. What had they shown Jack that had overwhelmed him? Something so horrible that he blotted it out for years, only to have it rise up for some unfathomable reason and tear his heart asunder.

He raised his head and looked at the scattered papers on the carpet. The answers weren�t in this quiet bedroom or lying amid the dew covered grass below the balcony. They had to go back to the planet, speak to the creatures and beg them to undo what had been done, if they could.

The resolution to act filled Daniel with equal parts relief and dismay. It was true that the answers could only be found in one place. It was also true that the planet�s reclusive inhabitants may not be willing or able to undo the damage. Pieces of who and what they were about were coming together in his brain as he left the bedroom and walked downstairs to shut off the lights. They had done what they did out of fear and hatred for all the Beings they viewed as outsiders. What would they do if Daniel and Jack returned and demanded their help?

---

The inky nothingness of drug induced sleep faded abruptly thrusting Jack into consciousness with a gasp that caught painfully in his dry throat. A hand touched his shoulder, then moved to wipe the sweat from his brow with a soft cloth. He kept his eyes closed, allowing his nostrils to take in the slightly spicy odor of whomever sat beside the bed. He recognized Teal�c after a moment and cracked an eyelid to find the stoic Jaffa watching him. His heavy features wore a frown of concern, which did not change as he spoke. �O�Neill?� he rumbled. �I shall summon Dr. Fraiser.�

�No,� Jack whispered quickly. �Just�not yet.� The why of his reasoning was not readily apparent to him, but Teal�c�s looming presence was reassuring in a way he could not define. He dropped his gaze to his folded hands, white knuckled on the muted green blankets. �You know who�what they are, don�t you,� he said quietly.

Teal�c reacted by sitting back in his seat, his bulk eliciting a creak from the stool. He tore his gaze from Jack�s face and let it wander the room. Looking at the ceiling, the floor, and the various monitors and medical gizmos that filled counters and walls before finally meeting Jack�s questioning look. �I do, O�Neill,�

His reaction was all the confirmation Jack required. Hearing the tremor in the Jaffa�s voice filled him with renewed anxieties. He licked his lips and swallowed the lump in his throat. Anything that could intimidate Teal�c could not be good, his mind pointed out. Jack shoved the disquieting thought aside, forcing his voice to remain calm and level when he spoke. �I need to know Teal�c. I need you to tell me.� His gaze flickered to the open doorway, Janet could return at any moment. He needed answers and they were bound to unnerve him. The thought of her pitying expression and her well meaning, but nonetheless discomforting presence filled him with urgency. �Talk to me,� he demanded quietly as he raised himself to a sitting position.

Teal�c silently reached for the water on Jack�s bedside table and handed it to him. �They were legend, O�Neill. Nighttime terrors told to frighten Jaffa children into obedience.�

�Nice,� he quipped softly as he took the proffered glass. Teal�c raised an eyebrow at his sarcasm and Jack flushed guiltily. �Sorry.�

�I had forgotten the stories, until we visited the planet. Even then I was unsure until your collapse.�

Jack shuddered at the memory and took a sip of water. �I don�t remember anything after he�it�touched me,� he admitted.

Teal�c nodded. �Of this I am sure. You were unconscious for quite some time.�

�What happened Teal�c, do you know?�

�I can only speculate, O�Neill. Surely this will not be of any use to you��

�Yes it will,� he interrupted. His voice was becoming stronger and louder with the need to know. Jack glanced nervously towards the doorway and nodded at the SF who peeked around the corner. �Airman?� he raised an eyebrow in what he hoped was an intimidating look. The man stepped back into the hall and Jack relaxed slightly, no need for an audience! Turning back to Teal�c he pushed a hand through his sleep tousled hair. �It will��

Teal�c dipped his head and stared at the floor for a long moment. When he looked up his face was a carefully controlled mask, only the quivering of his jaw muscles betraying his uncertainty. �We were told of a place governed by beings of immense mental control and great intelligence. Reclusive creatures who guarded their privacy with powerful minds capable of tearing the soul from the greatest of warriors�� He drew a deep breath, studying his large hands. �These Beings possessed the ability to drive a Jaffa insane, to frighten even a mighty System Lord into submission without a sound or a single staff blast��

�But how?� Jack persisted, rapidly losing patience with the vagaries of his friend�s explanation.

The Jaffa quirked an eyebrow at his prodding, but refused to meet his eyes. �By touching the mind of any Being they considered inferior. Replaying their past in such vivid detail that the creature thus touched would seem to relive his past�It was said that these Beings could alter time, send a man into his future or back to a time predating his birth��

Jack stifled the derisive comment that teetered on the tip of his tongue. He had never had much faith in metaphysical nonsense in the past, despite the variety of odd events he and his team had participated in over the years. He looked at Teal�c and was surprised to find the Jaffa watching his reaction with dark unreadable eyes. �What?�

�You do not believe me, O�Neill.�

He shook his head and groped for a positive spin to explain the skepticism that must have showed plainly on his pallid features. Nothing plausible presented itself and he shrugged reluctantly. �You have to admit�it�s a bit of a stretch.�

�I do not believe so. There were stories of a minor Goa�uld system Lord who scouted the planet in search of a new home base. No one heard from this Lord for many months, until stragglers from his army began showing up on battlefields scattered far and wide�they were all quite insane.�

�And the Goa�uld?� Jack prompted, not liking the cold feeling slowly spreading through his already nauseous stomach.

�Several of the Jaffa were captured, but either could not explain or refused to. The Goa�uld was never seen again�� Teal�c reached out and took the glass from him. �Are you all right, O�Neill?�

�No,� Jack mumbled as he sank back against the pillows. He scrubbed a hand across his face, it came away slick with cold sweat. �I�ve got the shakes, can�t remember when I ate last��

�I will summon Dr. Fraiser.� Teal�c rose before he could reply and left the room without a backward glance.

If Teal�c sensed his lie the Jaffa wouldn�t say. He had always found the human compulsion to shroud emotional turmoil in the guise of deception and distraction an unnecessary waste of time and energy. Jack�s lips turned up in a pale, ironic grimace. Hiding behind necessity was certainly easier than owning up to the uneasy empathy he felt for the Jaffa. and even the Goa�uld in Teal�c�s bedtime tale of woe. He let his eyes slide close, blocking out the light for a few moments as he tried to sort out what Teal�c had said and implied.

If the beings on P3R-298 had sent him into his own past, whether in reality or simply a horror filled picture show, it could certainly explain why he had blocked it out. Demons of battles fought and lost both large and small, for the good of the service or within his own nuclear family long gone vied for a place in his conscious thoughts. Filling him with fresh fears and nauseating guilt. Jack rubbed at his temples and swallowed the emotions along with the sudden dryness in his throat. Had they shown him the horrors of his Iraqi imprisonment? Or perhaps they had dredged up the crash that left him alone and struggling for survival in the desert for nine interminable days? Worse yet, the soft dimpled visage of his son accompanied by the dull throbbing ache that signified his loss. A wound that had never healed, but closed and reopened with frustrating irregularity as he progressed through the maze of his life. The brief mind numbing moment when he had chosen to let Alar perish against the Iris rather than allow another Hitler to infect his or any other world? Had they brought him back to Baal, and the cell? There were any number of atrocities that they could have replayed like an obscene version of �This is your life�, but to what end? Simply to protect their privacy? The idea seemed ludicrous. Why would any creature of such advanced intelligence literally frighten a lesser being into submission?

Worst than the past was the future�unknown, to all intents unknowable. Had they brought him there�shown him what would be? A twisted �Christmas Carol� representation from which he could not recover? He could deal with the past, or at least he could bury it in the deepest corners of his troubled mind. There were recesses dark and haunted where Charlie lived still, and where Sam had gone to rest as they lowered her body into the cold ground. Doors that stayed closed and locked because opening them meant touching a despair so deep he could not survive it. Were these the places the Beings had taken him to? If so, why? Didn�t they know that he would keep their secret? The Spiders had touched his mind with all its chaos. If they could twist fates to their whim surely they could see the basic goodness of his soul�

The click of heels startled Jack back to the reality of the Infirmary. Janet had returned and was gently shaking his shoulder. He slitted an eyelid and winced as her ever present penlight flashed briefly in each eye. She stepped back, frowning slightly. �You look a bit better, how do you feel?�

He blinked away the stars that floated across his vision. �Lousy, but I�m starved,� he replied with fervor that he did not feel. She needed to hear it, and Jack found that he could pretend, if for no other reason than to drive back the sadness in her soft brown eyes. �What�s for lunch?�

Janet smirked. �It�s about 2 am, how about some broth?�

�Sounds�boring�but I don�t get a choice do I?�

�Nope.�

He waved weakly towards the door. �Okay, bring it on.�

She patted his shoulder and went to call up to the Commissary. Jack turned his attention to Teal�c, who was standing silently at the end of the bed. �Hey��

The Jaffa raised an eyebrow in reply.

�I�m sorry about earlier�about not believing you��

�I am aware of how far fetched the legend sounds. Nevertheless, I believe the tales are based in truth�and so do you,� he added firmly.

Jack opened his mouth to protest the assumption, thought better of it, and settled for a deep sigh between his pursed lips. Teal�c was on the money as per usual. The Jaffa sensed Jack�s frustration and fear, which both irritated and reassured him.

He had never liked being out of control or weak. They were sensations he had experienced very rarely in his life. Each time had found him in situations of unspeakable cruelty and terror, usually leaving him a mental and physical wreck before they were resolved. It was not a state he wished to revisit, and Teal�c knew it as much as he did.

�O�Neill is afraid.� The Jaffa intoned.

Jack flinched at the accuracy of the soft spoken statement. �Yeah, Teal�c�I guess I am,� He looked up into the large man�s eyes, selfishly seeking strength to bolster his flagging spirit.

Teal�c reached down and grasped his elbow in Jaffa fashion. �As am I,� he admitted. �Together, we will defeat them.�

Jack nodded, his fraternal affection for his friend washing over him, catching him off guard. He cleared his throat and clasped Teal�c arm in return. It wasn�t a matter of defeat, he thought grimly as he gave the other man a firm squeeze. It was a matter of survival. If the Jaffa recognized this fact he did not comment but simply moved aside to allow the nurse to place a tray on Jack�s bedside table.

---

Daniel stepped from the shower and dried off hurriedly, leaving the room still damp. He had wanted to stay with Jack and Teal�c, but Janet had insisted he go home, rest, clear his mind. His friend had accepted his phoned regrets in typical fashion, making a quip about beauty sleep before signing off with a soft but heartfelt thanks. His somber tone worried Daniel. It was obvious that Jack was too tired or confused to maintain the �way of the warrior� routine for more than a moment at a time. He wanted, needed to do more to resolve the situation.

After a night of tossing and turning he had risen with a firm sense of resolve. Jack had to return with him to P3R-298, and they had to go alone. Daniel wasn�t looking forward to the discussion he would have to have with General Hammond. The older officer was also Jack�s friend, one might go so far as to say mentor. Surely he would understand the necessity of going back?

He searched for his clothing and got dressed in between bites of dry toast and sips of cold coffee. Visions of his time as an Ascended Being had haunted Daniel�s fitful dozing, bringing him more unnerving clues about the cairn and its significance. He was anxious to share his knowledge, and afraid of what it might mean to a troubled Jack.

Shoving the last of the crumbs into his mouth Daniel pulled on his jacket and snatched his keys from the hook by the door before heading out into the bright sunshine. Somehow the cheeriness of just another summer day felt off to him as he drove the well-traveled route to the SGC. His heart was a troubled, guilty mire filled with darkness. The reality of where he was should reflect that turbulence, Daniel mused inwardly. The absurdity of the notion made him frown as he drove the twisty road that wound upwards to the entrance to Cheyenne Mountain. Appearances rarely reflected reality, never was that more true than now.

He parked in his usual spot. Muttering a greeting to the guard on duty, Daniel walked the short hall to the elevator. He stepped into the empty car and paced nervously as it progressed down the shaft to sublevel eleven. The officer there acknowledged his tight lipped silence with a clipped good morning as he turned the clipboard for his signature. Daniel glanced at the older man. Is it? He wanted to ask, but chose to simply nod absently before taking the secondary elevator that exited on the various levels that comprised the SGC.

Arriving at his destination, Daniel stepped from the car and stopped. He leaned against the wall and sighed heavily, suddenly at a loss. Where do I start? Decisions that had seemed crystal clear in the cold mountain air now felt muddled and wrong.

Teal�c saved him from further uncertainty by choosing that moment to walk around the far corner of the hallway. �DanielJackson,� he rumbled in greeting.

�Teal�c?�

�You have come to a decision, have you not?� The Jaffa came to a stop in front of Daniel and clasped his large hands behind his back.

�How did you�Never mind, it doesn�t matter.� He glanced up to find his teammate studying him with a quizzical expression on his broad features. Daniel flushed at his confusion. �Yes I have��

�We need to go back to the planet.�

It was rare for Teal�c to interrupt anyone, Daniel noted in surprise. What had happened? �Jack woke up last night?�

�Yes.�

�What did you talk about?�

Daniel folded his arms and listened quietly as Teal�c relayed the conversation he had had with Jack. When the Jaffa had finished, he got the distinct impression that something had been left out. A suspicion Teal�c confirmed by the sadness that hovered in his dark eyes. Daniel opened his mouth to ask what else happened. The Jaffa bent his head slightly and offered a minute shake of his head in response to his silent query. Daniel relented with a sigh. There were some things that should be left alone, he acknowledged silently as he pushed off the wall. Teal�c bowed slightly, and proceeded down a side corridor. Daniel started to follow, but paused after a few steps. Before he confronted General Hammond he needed to see his wife. Reversing direction, he headed for the Infirmary.

Janet was sitting at her desk when he reached her office. She smiled softly when he knocked on the door and met him with a hug as he walked in. �I�m glad you�re here,� she murmured into his chest.

Daniel rubbed her back, feeling the tension ease from her shoulders beneath his fingers. �So am I,� he replied, letting the relief wash over him as he bent to kiss her hair. �How was last night?�

�Exhausting.� She pulled back leaving her hands resting around his waist. Stretching slightly, she brushed his lips with a kiss. �He woke up�ate a bit. He doesn�t look good, Daniel.�

�I know.�

�You saw him this morning?�

�No�I meant�� He shook his head ruefully. If it was this hard to speak to his wife, how could he expect to negotiate with an alien species that was repulsed by the mere thought of interaction with humans? �I meant, I know he woke up�Teal�c told me.� He caressed Janet�s shoulders letting his hands travel down her arms until he was clutching her soft fingers in his own. �Physically, is he okay?�

She squeezed his hands in return then turned her attention to the open charts on the desk. �He�s recovering from the accident�� she trailed off and glanced up at him. �Okay for what?�

�We need to go back to the planet where all this started.�

�Go back? But why?�

He could hear the physician in her rising up. Balking at the notion of exposing her patient to any additional trauma. �Janet, it�s the only way to undo what�s happened.�

�What precisely has happened, do you know?�

�They showed him something, took him somewhere�.�

�You�re not making sense,� her voice was rising slightly as she paced back to her chair and slumped into it. Dropping her head into her hands, Janet massaged her scalp as she continued. �What could they have done to him, shown him to cause this? I can�t find any physiological cause for what happened the other day. Jack hasn�t been through the Gate in five years. This isn�t alien influence at least not that I can see.�

Daniel moved further into the room and perched on the corner of the desk. He took her hand in his, caressing the back of it, enjoying the soft pressure where it rested in his palm. �I met them, when I was Ascended�� He explained his dreams and what he had learned on his trip to Jack�s house. Janet sat silently her brown eyes never leaving his face as she processed the information. When he fell silent, he could see the anger building on her features. Her soft lips compressed into a thin, white line as she stared at the floor. Hiding the fires of sadness and helplessness that he knew burned in her eyes.

�Janet,� he prodded softly as he reached out to tip her chin up with one finger. �They did this because they are afraid of outsiders. Of what we could do to them��

�Apparently, we can�t do anything,� she snapped bitterly. �Do you really think they will undo what they�ve done, whatever it is? How real has all this been?�

�I don�t know.� The admission raised a lump in his throat. What realities had they threatened Jack�s fragile mind with? How real was real? Had they shown him a future world where the Goa�uld had taken over, where he had lost the battle? Perhaps a past filled with events that he could not change, mingled with the sensations of guilt and loss that all people of conscience feel? Or were the visions a self fulfilling prophecy housed in Jack�s subconscious? For reasons no one could understand reemerging now, long after the turning points had been reached and past? Had they showed him Sam, and what happened to her?

The last thought filled Daniel with pity and sadness for his friend. As strong as Jack was, everyone knew he had an undeniable vulnerability when it came to certain people in his life. His regret and guilt over the loss of Charlie had been augmented by Sam�s death. Grief became a shroud that covered and nearly consumed him in the first months after they buried her in Arlington. No one had been able to reach Jack, he had finally returned to himself of his own volition. Working like a dog, secreting himself they knew not where on his down time.

Daniel shook his head. Cassie had been forced to return home the morning after Jack�s accident. She had called several times to check in. During one such visit she had told Daniel about her conversation with Jack at the barbeque. He had been stunned to learn that Jack had turned his back on the few comforts he had always allowed himself. Fishing and hiking in Minnesota no longer brought him peace. Daniel�s mind flashed back to the balcony off Jack�s bedroom. The telescope had been missing, he noted with an inward shudder. An empty shell had supplanted the man they loved, how could they have missed it?

He dropped his eyes to find Janet looking at him with a troubled frown. �We let him down, didn�t we?� she asked softly.

�Yeah,� I let him down, he added silently. Janet heard the admission in the soft tone of his voice. She ran gentle fingers down his arm and clasped his hands between hers.

�You did the best you could then, Daniel. Stop beating yourself up about this.�

He didn�t answer. Choosing to lean forward and kiss her deeply before sliding off the desk and turning towards the door. �I need to see Jack.�

�He�s not in there.� Janet indicated the infirmary with a weary wave of her hand. �He insisted on seeing General Hammond this morning. Short of putting him in restraints, I couldn�t stop him.�

Daniel shook his head, a sympathetic smile on his face. �I can understand that. I�ll see you later, get some rest!� he urged, as he turned down the hallway to the elevators.

He made his way to General Hammond�s office. The door was closed and he stopped just outside suddenly wary of what he might find in the little room. Swallowing hard Daniel raised his hand and knocked once, wincing at the impact of the hard metal against his knuckles.

�Come,� came the instant reply.

�General.� Daniel acknowledged the older man with a nod before turning his attention to the other occupant of the room.

Jack was dressed in the civilian clothes Daniel had brought from his house the night they transferred him to the Infirmary. The muted, blue plaid shirt and faded jeans seemed to hang on his thin frame. He glanced in Daniel�s direction, his eyes dark and lifeless in his pale haggard face. �Hey,� he greeted hoarsely.

�Hi,� Daniel smiled self consciously and took the chair General Hammond offered with a wave of his hand. �Janet said you escaped, thought this is where you would be.�

�Yeah.� Jack dropped his eyes to study his clasped hands. �I was just sharing a bedtime story with General Hammond,� he smiled half-heartedly. �It�s a real winner, Daniel. Have you heard it?�

�Yes, I think I have actually.� Daniel refocused his attention on the older man seated across the desk quietly watching them. Seeing Jack so weak and defeated was almost too much to bare. �General Hammond��

�I�ve already approved your return to P3R-298, Dr. Jackson.� He nodded at Jack who seemed not to notice as he studied his clasped hands through half closed eyes. �You may leave as soon as Colonel O�Neill has been cleared by Doctor Fraiser.�

�I�m ready whenever you are, Daniel�

Daniel smiled at the bravado. The slight tremble he detected in his friend�s voice and movements belied his confident tone. �Tomorrow morning, maybe,� he suggested softly.

�No.� Jack rose to his feet, swaying slightly but fighting hard. �I can�t wait another night�I won�t.� he said firmly.

�Colonel, please sit down.� General Hammond murmured, his tone just short of an order.

Jack obeyed with obvious reluctance. He reseated himself and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to regroup. �General Hammond, Sir�I don�t think you understand the urgency of the situation,� he began.

�Then explain it to me, Jack.�

�I wish I could.� He looked up, his eyes bright with the emotions that warred deep within. �I have to go back now. They were calling to me��

�What?� Daniel turned to face him directly. What did Jack mean? How could they have�?

Jack cut him off with the resounding slap of his own fist against his open palm. �When I was asleep they came to me�just before I woke up here. They were going to explain, General. I need to get to them, please.�

The tension in the room grew and enveloped them all, suffocating in its intensity as it twisted Daniel�s stomach into knots. Not since the Cell had Jack begged for anything. How ironic that he should again bear witness to the near breaking point of this proud, defiant man. Jack had withstood the rigors of countless alien manipulations as well as the twists and turns of a military career dominated by classified activity. He was pleading for them all to listen. Saying with an urgency in his tone and a fear and sadness well deep in his dark brown eyes, what words could not really express.

Daniel shook his head and swallowed hard. I�ll be damned if he has to push any further to be heard! �General�it�s okay. He won�t be alone, it has to be now.� He could feel Jack�s eyes on his face and he glanced sideways, locking gazes with him. Shadows rippled in those brown depths, ghosts of fears long buried that were rising again, defying all Jack�s efforts to suppress them.

He nodded slightly at Daniel before raising his eyes to an anxious Hammond. �Sir?�

The general rubbed his hands together. His pale, blue eyes studied them each in turn for a long moment before he cleared his throat. �I don�t like it. You�re not in any condition for this, Jack. You know that.�

�I know, but I don�t think waiting another day, week, month�will make any difference to be honest, Sir.�

�I suppose not,� Hammond replied softly. �Are you sure about this?�

�I�m not sure about anything anymore.� Jack admitted quietly.

Daniel winced at the weariness in his tone. �They meant no harm General, I�m certain of that.�

�Nice that you can be so confident, Daniel,� Jack retorted sullenly.

Daniel ignored the remark he could empathize with Jack. There was no way to know if the powerful Beings he had encountered as a member of the Ascended would recognize him as essentially the same uncluttered soul, now that he was mortal again. As Daniel pushed back his chair in preparation to leave, an icy chill crawled down his back. He was counting on the alien�s past sympathies to help Jack, was he expecting too much? Daniel glanced at his friend, looking worn and shaky as he climbed to his feet. It was too late to turn back, he decided grimly.

General Hammond stood up and offered Jack his hand. �I wish you luck, son.�

�Thank you, Sir.� Jack replied before giving the proffered hand a firm shake. �I think I will need it.�

Hammond nodded and turned his attention to Daniel. �Bring him home.�

Daniel did not miss the emphasis on the word home. In every sense of the phrase, he intended to bring the man they all cared about back through the Gate. The alternative was to abandon Jack to the quagmire of his past guilt and fear, unacceptable!

Teal�c was standing quietly outside the door when they emerged. He fell into step beside them as they headed for the elevator on their way back to the Infirmary before they geared up.

�You are returning to P3R-298?� he asked quietly as they boarded the empty car.

�Yes,� Daniel replied. Jack leaned against the walls of the elevator, closing his eyes briefly as the car moved upwards. Daniel reached out a steadying hand and touched Jack on the shoulder, feeling his friend wince and pull away beneath his fingers. �Are you okay?�

�Don�t hover, Daniel.� Jack grumbled beneath his breath. He licked ashen lips and glanced up as he pushed himself upright. �I�m okay.�

�You are not,� Teal�c stated flatly. He quirked a silencing eyebrow as Jack raised a hand to protest. �I am coming with you.�

�Teal�c, you can�t!� Daniel stepped forward as Jack�s hand dropped to his side with a resigned slap. �I don�t know what they will do to you��

�It does not matter. What they have done to O�Neill is what is important DanielJackson.�

The doors opened and they moved into the quiet hallway. Daniel�s nostrils twitched at the sharp odor of disinfectant that issued from the Infirmary. �I know Teal�c,� he continued as they walked. �But I don�t know if the Aliens will even communicate with us, let alone a Jaffa.�

�I have been hearing tales of these creatures since I was a boy a hundred years ago DanielJackson. These Beings could pose an imminent threat to the Tauri, and they have made a victim of a man whom I call brother. I cannot sit idle while you confront them.�

�I appreciate the support, Teal�c. But Daniel could be right.� Jack stopped them outside the Infirmary doors. �We don�t know what they would do if you came back there. They let you get away, you might not be so lucky a second time.�

�Does O�Neill consider himself fortunate that he was allowed to leave the first time?� Teal�c queried sotto voiced.

Daniel looked up, startled by the larger man�s question. He glanced at Jack, who was staring sightlessly down the hallway, apparently at a momentary loss for words. �There�s more to it Teal�c, you and I both know that.� he pointed out, fumbling a bit in the vacuum left by Jack�s silence.

�Yes DanielJackson, there is the Goa�uld system Lord that lies buried. There is the warning that we did not heed, and there is the sanity of a man that we failed to protect.� The Jaffa replied tensely, his eyes never leaving Daniel�s face. �This is true,� he added in a fierce whisper.

�No Teal�c. You didn�t do anything wrong,� Jack denied softly. He rested a pale hand on the Jaffa�s shoulder and shook him slightly. �You can�t take the blame for what happened, it wasn�t anyone�s fault.�

�O�Neill, I should have known where we were by the symbols on the cairn. An image shared with Jaffa children, a warning to go no further lest we risk what has happened to you.� He shook his dark head, regret heavy in his voice. �It is truly miraculous that you have survived thus far.�

�Is that what I�ve been doing?� Jack smiled wanly, trying to ease the large man�s conscience. �You�re right, I don�t feel lucky for having left the first time around. I feel angry and hurt and cheated somehow.�

The openness of Jack�s statement was disconcerting and gave rise to fresh feelings of guilt and failure for Daniel. He ducked his head and walked a few paces further down the hall, nearly colliding with a nurse carrying a stack of charts. �Sorry,� he muttered as he steadied her with a hand.

She grimaced and proceeded into the Infirmary.

�Daniel?� Jack�s voice reached him. His questioning tone soft but clearly demanding he respond in some fashion.

�The fault doesn�t lie with either of you.� Daniel removed his glasses and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. �I met them, when I was Ascended. I knew who and what they were, but I couldn�t remember. I couldn�t, didn�t undo the damage they had done. I wasn�t�aware.� He fumbled to a stop, at a loss to explain away his inaction. He waited for the eruption that must surely follow such an admission.

�DanielJackson you did not act out of malice, your actions were the result of forces beyond your control.� Teal�c reassured him.

Daniel smiled sadly and looked up to meet the Jaffa�s dark eyes. �So were yours Teal�c,� he replied.

The larger man seemed to consider his observation for a long time. Looking inwardly for the answer. His jaw muscles rippled with comments unvoiced. He looked from Daniel to Jack, who was staring at the floor, his haggard face gone even paler than before. Finally, his head dipped in a slight bow. �As you say DanielJackson. It is a thought I had not considered.� He glanced at Jack before adding. �I will wait for you both within.� He turned on his heel and walked into the Infirmary.

�Jack?�

�What?�

Daniel swallowed audibly. �Say something,� he urged. The silence between them had grown oppressively loud.

�Like?� Jack raised his eyes and seemed to stare right through him. �What do you want to hear, Daniel? I forgive you for screwing up again? The �Oh I know you didn�t mean to leave me hanging� spiel?�

�You never really forgave me the first time around did you?�

Jack�s lips compressed into a thin white line and he slowly shook his head, still pinning Daniel with the same hateful glare.

�I don�t blame you, Jack. I couldn�t have.� Daniel could feel the cold of guilt spreading through his limbs until the tips of his fingers were numb. He shivered and shook his head, closing the distance between them with halting steps. �I wanted to make it right, then and now. To try and undo what I never intended, can you see that?�

�Yes,� Jack replied coldly. �It doesn�t make me less angry�

�What do you want me to do?� Daniel could hear the frustration in his voice but it paled in comparison to the raw power in Jack�s dark gaze.

�I don�t know dammit!� He paused, his breathing quickening as the flush of anger and hurt colored his cheeks. �I want you to suffer like I did! I want you to feel as hopeless and angry as I did in that cell! I want you to understand how if feels to have creatures show you all the wrongs you�ve ever done and ever will do! I want you to have your heart torn out like I did!� He spun away, gasping for air as he leaned heavily against the wall.

�Colonel!� Janet appeared in the doorway, her eyes flickering back and forth between them, a worried frown tugging at her lips.

Daniel raised a hand and stepped past the quivering form of his best friend. Trying to ignore the hot flashes of emotion that painted his vision a dull crimson he grabbed his wife�s arm and steered her back towards her office. �It�s okay, Janet.�

�Like hell it is!� she snapped as she pulled herself free. �I heard what he said and it�s not fair��

Yes it is, he wanted to tell her. Jack had a right to his resentment no matter how hard it was for them to hear. He looked sympathetically at his wife, wishing he could make her understand what was so very clear to him. Janet was trembling slightly with the effort to keep her own emotions in check. Daniel rubbed her arms, offering her a small smile of reassurance. �He had to get it out, here and now is better than on the planet.�

�You�re best friends, why would he wish such things?�

�I don�t think he means it,� I hope, he added to himself. Glancing over his shoulder, he discovered that Jack was no longer in the hallway. �Stay here,� he planted a quick kiss on her soft cheek and trotted out of the room and down the hall. Knowing where Jack had gone and dreading the state he would find him in.

After the accident, SGC personnel had removed the equipment from Sam�s lab and sealed it. Out of respect for all she had done for the program and, Daniel had long believed, Jack�s feelings of loss, the room had never been reassigned to anyone. He reached the elevator just as it was closing on Jack�s silent visage. Mumbling in frustration, Daniel proceeded to the stairwell and began the arduous climb upwards. The narrow passage wreaked of oil and mold making him sneeze explosively until stars danced in front of his eyes.

With a sigh of relief he emerged on sub level 19. Jack was sitting on the floor with his back to the sealed doorway of the lab when Daniel rounded the corner of the corridor. He stopped suddenly at a loss. What do you say to someone who has just wished the most horrible of fates on you? Words that seemed so appropriate moments earlier now vanished in the heavy, stale air that hung between them. Daniel settled for sliding down the opposite wall and staring at the dusty floor. He waited for what seemed like an eternity for Jack to speak and when he finally did, it was a whisper no louder than the fitful puff of air from the ventilators. �I�m sorry, Daniel, I didn�t mean it.�

�Yes you did,� he replied, hating the fact that a note of anger, justified or not, was creeping into his own voice. �You did and�I can understand. But I can�t change the past. Don�t you see, all I can do is help you now.�

�I�m not sure that will be enough.� Jack had begun to wrap softly on the metal door at his back. His fist against the unyielding surface sounded as hollow as his voice when he spoke again. �I don�t remember what they showed me exactly, but I�m sure somehow that I lived it. The future that they put in my mind, it was a self fulfilling prophecy, right up to and including the day this happened!� He emphasized his point by pounding loudly on the door and wincing as it bruised his tender knuckles.

�Don�t do this to yourself, Jack� Daniel shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. �What�s done is done�I can�t change that and neither can you. At least not here.�

�You think they can alter time, don�t you?�

The question was so out of character for the logical man that Daniel was speechless for a moment. Hardly a fan of the intangible, he had lost track of how many times Jack had scoffed derisively at the suggestion that any creature could truly manipulate time. Despite the numerous occasions he had been proven incorrect, his skepticism persisted. Now in the empty corridor, Jack was looking at him with troubled, hopeful eyes. What could he say? Was hope in this case really false hope? There was only one way to be sure. �Let�s go back to the planet and find out,� he encouraged softly.

Jack bowed his head into his chest and took a long shuddering breath. �What I said before��

�Yes?�

�I really am sorry. I would never wish that on my worst enemy, never mind my best friend.� He climbed slowly to his feet and offered his hand.

Daniel took it gratefully. Mindful of Jack�s weakened state, he rose to his feet under his own power. �I know,� he said simply and matched Jack�s watery grin with a sincere smile of his own. �Let�s go.�

---

The wormhole disengaged with its familiar woosh and snap leaving the forest in silence.

Jack glanced from side to side, feeling distinctly naked without the comforting presence of his P90 or nine millimeter. Daniel had insisted that they leave their weapons behind so they would appear as non threatening as possible to the planet�s reclusive inhabitants. It was a strategy that left Jack feeling shaky and powerless. The aliens had hardly shown fear in their past encounter he had pointed out, but Daniel had been adamant. Their reaction was entirely due to fear he retorted, his tone sharp with frustration. Jack had relented simply because he was already exhausted and wasn�t going to expand energy arguing when he would need every shred for what lay in wait on P3R-298. Now that they had arrived in the dusky glen filled with the scent or rot and the wispy trails of escaping gas, he wished he had protested a little more vehemently.

Nothing had changed, which was unnerving in and of itself. Jack stepped cautiously down to the forest floor, his feet sinking slightly in the mush of decaying flora. �Sweet,� he mumbled.

�You okay?� Daniel reached his side, his blue eyes large behind his glasses.

�Yes, Daniel.� Jack suppressed the urge to snap at his friend�s well meaning behavior. Daniel had done nothing but hover since their conversation outside of Sam�s former lab. It was getting tedious, to put it politely. He glanced at Teal�c who was standing on the last step of the Gate platform. Motionless except for his dark eyes, which silently scanned the thick forest for signs of movement. �Anything?�

�Nothing,� Teal�c confirmed as he joined them.

A shiver crawled up Jack�s back and fresh sweat made his palms slick. Seven years earlier they had arrived to a similar non-greeting. A primeval world filled with unfamiliar sights and smells. The haunting calls of unseen birds and the occasional rustle of virtually invisible small animal life had passed through their midst, leaving him in a state of nervous agitation. Thrusting the useless emotions aside, he had struggled to listen to his senses as training and experience demanded. But without a viable threat to act upon he had been left to ponder the reasons why he felt so anxious while his team progressed with their duties. They had something to do, he could only watch and worry. Instead of answers more questions had arisen as they explored in a wider arc around the Gate. The discovery of the cairn had been a source of annoyance he recalled, namely due to Daniel�s barely suppressed smugness. If only they had realized then what they knew now! His agitation had been heightened when the team discovered the aliens. Jack had never been one to be fooled by appearances but the odd silence that encompassed their clearing had filled him with creeping fear which had rapidly evolved into all out terror in the last moments before the alien had touched him.

Shaking himself, Jack fought the memory, forcing it to the back of his mind. He could see Daniel shifting uneasily beside him. The younger man opened his mouth to speak, Jack discouraged him with a tight smile and a brisk shake of his head. Somehow silence seemed prudent as they moved into the forest.

The trail they had had hacked through the crowded jungle had long since grown over. Jack grumbled beneath his breath, putting all his energy into moving forward. A part of him secretly grateful that he hadn�t the strength to spare on disturbing thoughts of where they were and why.

Jack lost track of time as they hacked and stumbled their way through the dense undergrowth. Unlike the Rain Forest of Earth, the floor of the ancient wood was crowded with vines and thick stemmed ferns. A near impenetrable canopy kept the lighting at perpetual dusk. Sprays of purple flowers were scattered amid the varying greens and muted blues. It would be beautiful if not for the inhabitants, he noted bitterly. Not a particularly charitable thought, were they listening?

A particularly thick vine gave way suddenly beneath his exertions. Jack tumbled forward, throwing his hatchet away from him as he skidded in the slime and muck of the forest floor. He landed heavily on his side and lay panting for breath as the air was forced from his lungs.

�Jack!�

His heart slammed in his chest and the blood roared in his ears temporarily blocking out Daniel�s rather frantic voice. Jack took several ragged gulps of the fetid air. Tasting the moss and mold in his mouth, he nearly gagged as the sweet stickiness coated his tongue and throat. Daniel�s hands slowly rolled him over and pulled him to a sitting position. �You okay?�

Jack closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to regroup. That was smooth old man, he chastised himself. �I�m fine,� he managed after a moment, hating the concern he saw on his friend�s faces. Daniel did not wait for permission but simply grabbed his arm and hauled him to his feet.

�O�Neill?� Teal�c said softly.

�Yeah, I�m okay�� He swallowed hard, forcing the last vestiges of his flagging strength into his voice. �Find anything yet?�

�I have not. Perhaps it would be wise to set camp for the night?� the Jaffa suggested prudently, sharing a look with Daniel.

Jack glanced at the sky. The sun was still relatively high, far too soon to quit. They�re only doing it for me, he thought morosely. The realization filled him with a deeper sense of embarrassment than his tumble across the forest floor. He limped to a nearby stump and sat down heavily, wincing as his knees protested with a dull ache. Teal�c and Daniel seemed to become suddenly busy. Investigating the surrounding area, as if clues would miraculously appear amid the rotting foliage.

He was grateful for the privacy, however limited that they were attempting to offer. Pull it together Jack, he told himself forcefully. He ran a hand through his hair and took a long swallow from his canteen. Rinsing out his mouth, Jack spat into the brush, preferring the warm plastic taste of the water to the mold and muck he had eaten moments earlier.

They were back on P3R-298, for good or ill. He had no doubt that Teal�c�s unerring sense of direction would soon bring them to the stone cairn, and the carving that was in fact a warning. The Jaffa had refused to elaborate on his suspicions, which only made Jack more uncomfortable. He glanced about him as he rested on the stump, wondering what else lay beneath the brush. Hidden and waiting for them�

Stop it! He told himself firmly. There wasn�t time for such musings.

Why not? What made this trip so urgent?

More useless questions doomed to rattle about within the confines of his tired mind.

He ran a weary hand through his hair and pushed himself to his feet. Time was a concept that was far more flexible than it appeared at first glance Jack had to admit. The urgency to find the answers was dictated by the dreams, nightmares, that had plagued his sleep of late, driven him screaming from his best friend�s backyard and caused him to drive through an intersection endangering himself and others. He couldn�t be responsible for anyone else�s misery and he was tired of feeling guilty and not knowing why.

Jack shook his head ruefully. He had committed his share of atrocities over the years in the name of peace and war. There was enough justifiable guilt to fill a couple of lifetimes. Every Being who had ever died at his hands was etched indelibly in a hidden corner of his brain. A place he sometimes went when the beer bottle was empty, or when things were going too well, on the outside. A reminder that he couldn�t get too comfortable in the role of planetary savior, let alone simple mortal man. In the darkest hours of the night he would visit that place, usually to add a new resident to the hideous, hellish dormitory of memory.

He had gone there when Alar died. The shock and disbelief on Sam�s pale features had opened the door for him. After spending a long evening working his way through a 12 pack of beer and watching a series of mind numbing movies he had fallen into a stupor, haunted by the desperate pleading face of a psychotic Hitler wannabe. He had woken with a start on his back deck, not aware of when or how he had gotten there. After retching his guts out over the railing he had crawled to the couch. Beneath the throbbing in his skull he could still hear the maniacal pleas of the Eurondan leader. His demands nearly lost among the screams of his devoted followers as they perished beneath the Breeder onslaught. Sleep eluded him until dawn when he dragged himself to the shower and reported to the SGC with a plastic smile on his pallid features and no explanation for the bags beneath his eyes. They wouldn�t understand he reasoned, any more than he could.

Yes, he had committed his share of violence but by and large, he didn�t and couldn�t, feel guilty for what he had done. Ultimately the decisions were not up to him. Choosing a life in the service, particularly Special Operations, demanded that he put aside at least some of his moral objections and act for the greater good. The chain of command became his shield and he had hidden behind it. But occasionally it hadn�t been enough. In situations such as the murder of the Eurondan leader, yes, he had killed the man, he could not use orders as an excuse. He had made the choice. Standing in the Gateroom and commanding that the Iris be closed, knowing full well that the fanatical Alar would follow. Just as he had made the life altering choice to lock Sam out of his painful memories of Charlie and the horrible annual ritual he endured.

The accident that tore her away would come three years after his fateful encounter with the Eurondans. In between a myriad of missions had played out, sometimes he had made the right choice, other times he had not. They had faced the Replicators, a planet full of people dependent on a chemical produced by farming Goa�uld symbiotes, and helped to forge a Tok�ra/Jaffa alliance which would eventually lead to the virtual destruction of the Goa�uld hierarchy. He had gotten lost with Harry Maybourne and truth be told, a part of him wished they had never been found. He would have eventually fallen victim to the nightmares brought on by this planet�s inhabitants, but what difference would it have made? Most certainly his isolation on the moon would have prevented the one thing he most regretted, his argument with Sam. The last conversation they would ever have�

�Jack,� Daniel was standing beside him, his hand resting lightly on his shoulder.

�Huh?� He shook himself, dragging his mind back to the present with effort. �Regrets,� he murmured beneath his breath as he hefted the hatchet Daniel handed back to him.

�You were gone there for a second.�

�Yeah,� his lips twisted into a wry grimace. �I was thinking about Maybourne can you believe that?�

�No,� Daniel chuckled softly. �Didn�t you say the Tok�ra took him off that moon.�

�Yup,� Jack moved forward following the fresh trail Teal�c was making. How long did I check out, he mused uneasily. The efficient Jaffa was nowhere in sight. A tired sigh escaped his lips as he pushed aside a branch. �Jesus, I�m beat.�

�O�Neill!� Teal�c bellowed sharply through the silence. Adrenaline shot through Jack and he broke into a stiff jog, skirting brush and nearly tripping over exposed roots as he headed in the direction of the invisible Jaffa.

Teal�c was standing in an unnervingly familiar clearing as Jack rounded a bend in the fresh trail. He stopped short, sucking in a startled gasp when he spotted the cairn in front of his friend. �Oh, God,� the words hissed out between clenched teeth. Jack reached instinctively for his weapon and swore softly when his hands came away empty.

The small clearing seemed to be stuck in time. The vegetation of the surrounding jungle had closed in as if no one had ever passed, but the area around the cairn remained static. Every rock and pebble still in place, as if held there by an invisible force. The worn, wooden carving with its eight eerie pupils appeared unchanged. Time and weather should have blackened the wood, rotted it to the point where it would have fallen free of the wooden staff that held it. Instead it appeared exactly the same, a warning to all who would pass beyond.

Jack looked the cairn up and down, seeking a reason for the chilling fear that had twisted his insides into anxious knots. He coughed, choking on the bile in his throat and forced himself to step further into the clearing. Daniel was right behind him, his presence reassuring warmth as Jack drew inexorably closer to the monument. Terror rose in black waves, rippling across his vision, causing the trees to shimmer. They blurred into a murky green and gray haze. He blinked driving back the tide of panic and reached out to touch the stones. Why hadn�t he felt this way the first time around, he had time to wonder before his fingers came to rest on their smooth surfaces.

White, hot fire sang across his nerves. Jolts of electricity sent spasms through his fingertips and up his arm. Jack�s eyes opened wide as his heart fluttered within his chest. Numbness gradually supplanted the burning tingle, as his consciousness seemed to disconnect from his quivering body. His focus tapered to a single hideous point, the wooden carving with its eight carved eyes. It seemed to glow before him and the air became alive with the whisper and eerie caress of their voices.

Somewhere beyond the tunnel of his narrowed vision, Daniel was calling his name. Pleading with him to come back, to fight. Jack struggled to pull away but he was no longer in control of his trembling body, which was connected to the cairn with just two bone white fingers. Daniel�s voice rose in pitch until he screamed a single word that shattered the darkness like glass.

�Stop!�

The world returned in a blaze of searing light and Jack crumpled as his knees gave way. His hand dragged across the stones and snagged his watch, leaving him painfully twisted and powerless to move. It was as if all of his remaining strength had been sucked into the dark tunnel he was trapped in moments earlier. He groaned softly, unable to even twitch as Daniel and Teal�c lowered him to lie flat on the ground. Someone lifted his head and placed a rolled up jacket beneath it. A pair of hands, Daniel�s, brought water to his lips and he drank. It required all his concentration to swallow the tepid liquid.

�What the hell�� he whispered hoarsely, hardly recognizing his own voice. Did I say that out loud?

�They�re here,� Daniel replied tensely. His blue eyes were scanning the surrounding forest. He shifted on his haunches without removing his hand from Jack�s shoulder. �I heard them�felt them,� he corrected himself.

Jack winced and swallowed a groan. Sensation was returning. His arms and legs tingled as if from frostbite, excruciating pin pricks that brought tears to his eyes. He raised a hand, mildly surprised that gross motor function was even an option, and rubbed tiredly at his sweaty face. �Help me up��

Daniel tore his gaze from the quiet forest. �Are you sure?�

�Yes, � Jack snapped. Was he kidding?

It was Teal�c who hauled him to his feet and assisted as he limped to the edge of the clearing, as far away as possible from the foreboding cairn. Jack leaned heavily against a tree and studied the Jaffa through half closed lids. Teal�c was nervous, when was the last time that had happened? The large man�s jaw muscles quivered and his eyes moved restlessly from Jack�s face to the forest and back again. �What is it?� He gestured at the cairn, looking quite innocent despite the raw power it had exerted. �What the hell is going on?� Jack demanded.

�The Goa�uld is buried beneath that cairn.� Teal�c intoned softly.

�Yes,� Daniel confirmed. �The force you felt was the warning. An incarnation of the evil the System Lord represented. Pretty effective deterrent to most people.�

Jack grimaced and ran a shaky hand across his neck. �Well, I never did pay much attention to �Do not disturb� signs,� he grumbled. �Why didn�t it happen the last time?�

�What?�

�What just happened this time around�I didn�t feel that before��

�Did you touch it before,� Daniel asked.

Jack searched his weary mind and finally shook his head. �No I don�t think so, you did and so did�Sam,� He swallowed hard over the lump in his throat. �This whole place felt off from the second we came through the Gate, but nothing like this happened before.�

�You touched it, just as most Beings would. Their version of a �Do not Disturb� sign.� Daniel grinned wryly at the analogy.

�So why spare you or Sam?� Saying her name didn�t get easier with time, Jack had realized this painful truth long ago. He rubbed a hand across his eyes and took a deep breath. �Why me?�

�Because you are the leader, O�Neill,� Teal�c explained. �The strongest will among us.�

A surprised look flashed across Daniel�s face, but he did not comment, choosing instead to wander back towards the rock monument.

�Are you sure that�s a good idea?� Jack called out. His voice was shaking with strain and he wanted desperately to lie down, despite the rotten vegetation. Sleep was tugging at his aching muscles but he fought the urge. There would be no rest on this hellish planet where dream became nightmares without warning. He licked his lips and forced himself to stand unaided. �Why did they go away, shut up or whatever when you said Stop?�

Daniel paused in his strides. Turning slightly, he offered a small, pale smile. �I�m not sure to be honest. I just knew what they were doing to you and I wanted them to stop, so I told them to.�

Jack shook his head. �Daniel Jackson has spoken��the idea was as plausible as any notion his wounded brain could put forth. He didn�t dare pursue the matter, answers would come soon enough whether he wanted them or not.

He watched Daniel tentatively approach the cairn and slowly circle it. The younger man rubbed a hand across his jaw and mumbled beneath his breath. After a moment�s hesitation, he placed a hand on the wooden carving. A jolt of fear shot through Jack. Don�t do it, he wanted to shout, but only a whisper of air escaped his dry lips. The world around them remained unchanged, apparently Daniel did not pose enough of a threat for the alien device to activate. Lucky him, Jack mused sourly, not quite swallowing his inner resentment. He shook his head in a vain effort to clear the cobwebs and the hateful, useless thoughts from his brain. He succeeded in eliciting a dull throbbing headache but the guilt remained.

Daniel didn�t deserve his resentment, the burden of his fears. He had earned his place in the world, in ways that no mortal Being could ever truly appreciate. Jack took a cautious step back into the clearing, driving down the renewed panic that fluttered in his gut. When it was all over he would have to make it up to his friend, somehow.

When

Oh God I hope it�s soon�.

�They�re not here.� Daniel said softly as his hand drifted down to his side.

�In the clearing, perhaps?� Teal�c suggested.

�Probably.�

�Sweet,� Jack muttered more to himself. �Another trip down memory lane.�

�You sure you don�t want to try and sleep��

�No, Daniel!� Jack forced his voice to lower as he sucked in a deep breath. �I couldn�t sleep anyway.� Let�s just get it over with, he added silently. The fear of not knowing what lie in wait was rapidly stripping him of the last vestiges of his flagging strength. I�ll be damned if I spend one more night on this godforsaken rock without knowing the truth!

�Okay,� Daniel relented with a small sigh. With a last look at the cairn, he fell into step behind Jack as Teal�c lead them from the clearing. The Jaffa�s hatchet rose and fell in a steady rhythm, the blade painted a sparkling crimson by the long rays of the setting sun. The foliage seemed to bleed as it fell away beneath their feet.

Jack shivered at the visions the flashing metal conjured up. He rubbed at his arms and swung them at his sides forcing the blood into his tingling fingers. There were no signs of the camp they had made seven years earlier, but the faint odor of exotic sweet smoke drifted in the heavy air. It tickled his nostrils forcing him to call a halt and crouch unsteadily amid the undergrowth. Teal�c peered over his shoulder and bowed slightly. At his stiff nod and gesture, the Jaffa moved forward at a crawl. Pushing his way through the vines, he disappeared quickly in the growing dusk.

He strained his ears to listen for the Jaffa�s progress and heard only the stir of the breeze amid the treetops. Daniel moved to his side. �Stand?� he mouthed silently. Jack scanned the brush around them and lurched to his feet. The world spun abruptly. leaving him weak and dizzy. He leaned forward with his hands on his knees and took several deep breaths before cautiously straightening. �Won�t do that again,�

�Bad idea?� Daniel asked quietly.

�Yeah, where the hell is Teal�c?�

�I am here, O�Neill.� The large Jaffa reemerged, his features hidden in deep shadow as the sun sank below the horizon. The forest was plunged into a muted gray and green landscape, everything appeared just slightly out of focus. Jack blinked, struggling to clear the haze from his vision, but the distortions persisted, growing deeper as fog rose around their feet.

Jack cleared his throat. �Did you find anything?�

�The trail is about 20 meters in that direction.� Teal�c gestured his voice carrying a puzzled note. �It is clear, unlike the surrounding jungle. It appears these creatures use it on a regular basis.�

�Or maybe it�s clear because they want to make it easier for intruders to find them? If a Being gets beyond the cairn, then they don�t want them wandering about in the woods too long before they are dealt with?� Daniel suggested.

Jack nodded his agreement. �Welcome to my parlor, said the spider to the fly,� he grumbled darkly and was rewarded with an uncomfortable grunt from Daniel.

The theory made sense. If the vegetation and the electric shock, for want of a better description, didn�t deter you, then the planet�s inhabitants wanted to get control of the situation pretty quickly. No telling what sort of havoc an inferior Being could wreak, Jack thought bitterly. He gestured over Teal�c shoulder. �No time like the present.�

The Jaffa relented with a nod of his head before turning away. He had hacked a fresh path through the last of the undergrowth and they emerged onto the open trail in a few brief moments.

The smoke was stronger now, pungent in the damp air. Jack glanced up towards the darkening skies. Stars were emerging, smattering the heavens with pin points of unfettered brilliance. Up there it�s peaceful, he mused sadly, uncluttered by the petty concerns of the trillions of beings that inhabit millions of worlds. Cold and black and empty, despite the blaze of a million suns, the reality gave him strange comfort. Is that what they saw when they looked into my soul, darkness, a cold and empty vacuum? Jack dropped his eyes to the trail and then glanced at his companions who were waiting, silently anxious for him to make the next move.

There was no turning back, Jack realized, as he took his first hesitant steps towards the unseen clearing. There had never been a choice in the seven long years since his first encounter. The Aliens in their infinite paranoia had dictated the when and how of his emotional decline. Setting up a future that could only end in misery. Why? Creatures of such immeasurable power could have been allies, if not, then certainly not enemies. No power on Earth or anywhere else for that matter could stand up to creatures who could manipulate the mortal mind the way these Beings had. There might be a few exceptions, the Replicators among them Jack�s subconscious pointed out, releasing an involuntary shiver down his back. But by and large they could dominate any creature they came in contact with�it didn�t make sense to his logical mind�

The headache returned in blinding force, catching him off guard. Jack gasped painfully and rubbed at his temples.

Daniel steadied him with a light touch on his elbow, but did not comment as he struggled to regroup. Was the pain caused by the stress and confusion of trying to sort through this psychological mess, or the creatures? He didn�t know which, only that it hurt like hell. Grinding his teeth, Jack shoved the questions to the back of his mind and forced his feet into motion. The bend in the trail was nearly lost to the encroaching darkness. He stumbled and caught himself. The feel of the earth beneath his feet was familiar, as it he had tread upon it more times than memory would ever tell. He didn�t have time to question why, the trail came to a sudden end opening onto the fire lit clearing.

�De je vu,� Jack whispered, hoping the sound of his voice would halt the tremors that seemed to be emanating from his very soul. Cold sweat beaded at his hairline and trickled down his back as he beheld in person the scene that had replayed a thousand times in his dreams.

They were blue.

Huddled in small groups around a series of smoky fires, they regarded Jack and his companions with large multifaceted eyes that reflected the dancing amber light at their feet.

�They were expecting us, waiting,� Daniel murmured in his ear.

Jack swallowed hard, forcing himself to move forward into the clearing. His legs felt like water and he was sure he would collapse at any moment and save the creatures the trouble of another mental attack. Daniel and Teal�c flanked him as he walked. The Jaffa�s fierce protective nature in concert with Daniel�s burning desire to know and understand buoyed his flagging spirit. Grateful for their silent support, he crossed the clearing until he stood in front of the largest fire.

Five aliens ringed the sputtering flames. Their pale faces were devoid of any emotion as they watched him approach and come to a stop in their midst. The smallest rose to his feet, his bright blue legs untangling themselves in one fluid motion as he rounded the fire to stand a hairsbreadth from Jack�s trembling body.

Run away! His subconscious was screaming as his hands rose palms outward in an unconscious gesture meant to ward off he knew not what. Jack looked down at the Being, a ripple of revulsion sent his stomach flipping, tightening his throat until he could barely breath. The creature blinked and reached forward. Jack hastily backpedaled, nearly tripping over Daniel who clutched his arm and held tightly struggling to keep him upright. Suddenly confronted by the instigator of his hell, a wave of emotions washed over Jack leaving him breathless and at a loss. Don�t let him touch me! He wanted to beg his friends to shield him from the silent alien�s unblinking gaze. But this will never end, another part of his weary brain argued.

Is this what it feels like to be schizophrenic?

Jack shook his head and ran a hand over his throbbing skull. �What do you want,� he rasped. He forced himself to stand upright, slipping from Daniel�s grasp as he took a step towards the creature. �Why did you bring me back here, call to me?�

The Being blinked, seeming to consider his question before it stepped forward and attempted to touch him a second time. Jack recoiled inwardly but willed his unsteady body to remain still and allow the contact.

�Jack!�

He was falling�

---

Images flickered across his vision. Moving in dizzying succession backwards in time. Their rapid-fire passage preventing him from focusing too closely on any one person, place or object. There were glimpses, some painfully familiar others only hints of events he had experienced. Tastes and smells assaulted him adding to the chaos. He opened his mouth to protest but only a rush of air escaped, his would be words snatched away by the roar of a rising wind.

The moving picture show ceased in a blinding flash of light. He raised his hands against the glare and peered out between his fingers. Desert, dry and barren filled his vision. The wind moaned and squealed between the rolling dunes, he squinted and waited for the hard spray of grit and sand.

Nothing happened.

Lowering his hands Jack cautiously opened his eyes. Despite the spin of the dust devils and the wavering of the distant horizon, the earth at his feet remained fixed in place. As if the sand were glued to an invisible board. He reached down with a cautious hand, surprised and unnerved when he could not sink his fingers into the beige granules. Shuffling his feet Jack walked forward a couple steps and glanced down. There were no tracks to mark his passage, no disturbance of any kind in the surface.

Where am I, where is he�it?

His tired mind was still struggling to comprehend when the smallest Being appeared on the horizon. Its petite form remarkably in focus compared to the rest of the wavering landscape. It walked towards him, bare feet almost floating above the sand. Large insect like eyes skimmed across his face and body. Jack felt a shiver chase after the chilling gaze. Cold sweat bathed his back and ran in rivulets down his temples.

Glancing behind him in an effort to avoid the probing gaze of the approaching alien Jack discovered to his instant dismay that he was alone. Why am I surprised, he thought bitterly. Using his anger at being manipulated yet again as a shield against the terror building within him, he stepped purposely towards the small blue Being. *You won�t do this to me again, you miserable little Bastard!* The words burned hot in his throat, but no sound passed his dry lips.

The Being stopped.

A sense of triumph brought a thin-lipped grimace to Jack�s pale face. *You don�t like that do you?* he crowed inwardly. The Being blinked and began to move forward again. His large eyes sparkled, reflecting the arid surroundings. Cold tendrils snaked around Jack�s throat and squeezed choking off his air supply. He fell to the hard ground and rolled weakly from side to side clutching at the invisible force that hung from his neck. * Okay I give! I won�t do it again!* His inner voice sounded weak and piteous as he fought the blackness that muted the landscape from beige to charcoal gray.

Something like regret caressed his cheek and touched his mind with a soothing butterfly flutter before it released him. Jack massaged his throat and shot a hateful glance at the creature as it drew nearer. *You didn�t have to do that, just like you didn�t have to drive me off the first time around! I would have lef,t I didn�t need to be convinced!* he growled weakly in his head.

The Being stopped a second time. He/It was much closer now. The smooth blue skin seemed to gleam as the light returned. It swung its head from side to side, the breeze stirring the platinum strands of hair that spilled down its back.

�Didn�t you?� It whispered against his cheek.

Jack cringed at the voice that wasn�t. No sound emerged from the toothless slit of a mouth. �No!� He bellowed back, putting all his resentment and anguish into the one word.

The force of his statement drove the creature back a step. Jack raised his hands to his throat, waiting for the invisible attack to be renewed, and dropped them almost as quickly. He didn�t care what affect his ire had on the Being now standing over him. The realization neither surprised nor troubled him in the least. Have I finally come to the end of the line and if so, what the hell difference does it make?

The creature shook its head, the hair rustling dryly against its shoulders. The voice came again, teasing the damp, sweaty hair at Jack�s temples. �Rise, a man should not face his fate lying down,� it admonished almost gently.

�Why the hell should I?� Jack spat in response. The Being stood patiently, obviously prepared to wait for an eternity if necessary. He was determined to wait just as long, but edginess eventually got the best of him and he rolled stiffly to his knees before climbing to his feet with a long, shuddering sigh. �Where are we?�

�We are here,� the Being raised a skeletal hand and gestured at his body. �Inside your soul, Jack O�Neill.�

�Well that explains a lot,� he quipped. The forced levity meant nothing to the creature. It merely blinked unphased. Jack tore his eyes from the intimidating, mirrored gaze and scanned his surroundings. It this were truly his inward self, then things were worse than he had ever allowed himself to acknowledge. A barren, empty place devoid of color, filled with hard edges and mournful cries that never ceased. Bathed in a brilliance that had no source, dulled only by rage and pain. Existing for the sole purpose of keeping the distant and the near out of focus, lest he should look too closely and discover, what? That there was nothing beneath the rough, hardened surface of his heart, only grief and anger warring for domination of this dismal place?

�Why bring me here?� Jack whispered, hating the hollow sound of his voice.

�Because it was not always so.� The alien voice cupped his cheek and fell to his shoulder.

�And why is that?� Jack challenged tiredly. �Because of what you did?� he dared the Being to deny it, braced himself for the reply.

�In part,� the voice ran cool tendrils down his arm and brushed against his fingers.

Jack shivered in revulsion. �In Part!� he grated between clenched teeth.

�Yes,� the Being confirmed.

�Why did you do that?� Jack ran a hand through his hair, refusing to look directly at the creature. His heart was slamming against his ribs, leaving him weak and dizzy.

Confusion brushed his cheek, guiding him to look down at the shorter Being. He resisted and the touch that was words relented slightly. �You were the first human we ever encountered, the first to stumble upon our Sanctuary.�

�So you thought you would attack us?� he retorted harshly.

�Isn�t that what you would have done, Jack O�Neill? Haven�t you?�

�No!� He wrenched free of the caress. �I didn�t attack you, we came here to explore�well not here exactly but�you know what I mean!� An exasperated sigh escaped his pursed lips.

�In the past you haven�t always been as kind, I have seen it.� The Being pointed out, the words like sharp needles pricking a path from his temple to his chin.

Jack licked his dry lips. Glimpses of his time in special forces flickered through his subconscious and he saw the Being nodding stiffly in agreement to his unspoken reply.

�Yes, you have been responsible for much destruction.� The voice fluttered across the fresh path of pain and soothed it with icy tendrils.

�Yes I have,� he admitted softly. There was no point in denying what he had done as a soldier during his long years of military service. But he would be dammed if he would let the wretched miscreant standing placidly before him, put a negative spin on a career he was, by and large, immensely proud of. Pride being an emotion he would not admit to anyone, certainly not this interloper. �But I have never consciously attacked the innocent, you should know this!� He whispered fiercely.

�We could not see beyond your anger, Jack O�Neill. The first emotion that rose up in defense of your confused, anxious state of being when you entered our Sanctuary.�

�So you attacked me? Your first response!� he snapped, wincing against the anticipated retaliation.

The Being blinked at his frustration. The voice chose to stroke his cheek and run warm fingers down the length of his arms, leaving a gentle pressure in the palms of his hands. �It was wrong of us. We did not know what effect our �defense� would have on you.�

�I bet that hurt,� Jack retorted unwilling to let him/It off so easily.

Emotions tickled his palm and cupped his cheek.

Laughter? Jack shied away from the caress. He had never liked being touched unless it was on his own terms. Now each syllable uttered by the diminutive creature was an unwelcome intrusion into his personal space. He smirked and shook his head. That was a laugh considering where they were. You couldn�t get much more intrusive than inside a person�s soul!

�We never intended for our defense to have a long lasting effect on your psyche, Jack O�Neill. When you did not heed our warning we felt we had little choice.�

The voice touched him lightly on the shoulder, apparently sensing and he thought dully, perhaps respecting his inner loathing. �What did you expect?�

�That you would simply leave and never return. That the visit to our Sanctuary would be an unpleasant memory that you would use to discourage others of your kind.�

�Well you succeeded, I didn�t ever want to come back! I�m only here because you told me you would help me if I came.� He licked his dry lips and forced himself to lock gazes with the mirrored eyes, which had returned to their sparkling lavender color. �You visited me didn�t you, back at the SGC, it wasn�t a dream,� he asserted.

�Not a dream Jack O�Neill. A message,� the Being affirmed.

�I didn�t understand your warning. If I had we would have never found you.�

�We know that now. We did not look beyond the first few layers of your subconscious mind, if we had we would have seen the honorable man that you are. We would have spoken to your heart, Jack O�Neill.� Regret trailed gentle unseen fingers across his back.

�You did to me what you have done to the Jaffa and the Goa�uld?� Jack murmured slowly. �You showed them the past, everything they had ever done and all the horrors their victims faced?� A wave of dizziness washed over him as he detailed the heinous act. He sank to his knees and stared up at the powerful Being, his mouth agape. �How could you do that and not know what effect it would have?�

�It was our failing,� Sorrow brushed warmly across his sallow cheek leaving streaks of bitter tears in its wake.

Not mine, he mused in amazement, tasting the salt as it trailed across his lips. The voice flowed over Jack�s shoulders as the Being stepped forward its large eyes gazing directly into his pale face.

�We learned of our mistake by touching the exceptional mind of Daniel Jackson. Through blending our memories we discovered our error. But we were forced to wait and watch.�

�Wait for me to self destruct you mean!� Jack growled. Anger built hot and fast, forcing his breathing into short, painful gasps that hissed between his clenched teeth. �You were watching me descend into a world of bitterness and anguish because of what you did? Waiting for me to do what? Kill myself?�

The voice closed in on both sides of his flushed cheeks, forcing him to look up at the empty blue face of the Being. �You would not have died, Jack O�Neill, we would not allow that to happen.�

�But you allowed me to live like that for seven years!� He exploded jerking to his feet as the heat of his anger infused his limbs with false strength. �You showed me the future, didn�t you? To drive me and my team away you showed me what would happen!� The Being recoiled slightly at his bitter rasp. �You showed me Sam dying in that stupid accident!�

�Yes.�

The voice released him abruptly and he reeled back, barely keeping his feet beneath him. �You think of yourselves as benevolent don�t you?� The voice fluttered by his chin and fell away in the face of his heated words. �How could a benevolent Being do that to any creature!�

�You would, given the choice, Jack O�Neill.� It pointed out stroking his open palm.

Jack shook his head and turned away from the Being to stare towards the distorted horizon. Do I really have it in me to do that to someone or something? As evil as they are, do the Goa�uld or the Replicators deserve that? The answer was a resounding Yes, despite his initial denial. Jack�s shoulders sagged in defeat but he did not turn around. �You�re right,� he admitted softly. �I would have, but,� he raised a hand and slowly spun to face the creature. �I would have been more careful, looked beyond the surface, which you failed to do.� Failed so utterly and completely, he added darkly to himself, knowing the Being would hear it. Hoping it would understand.

�Perhaps,� the voice patted his cheek in a vaguely patronizing gesture.

Jack bristled but chose to let it go. There was something more important. �How can you know the future, show it to me?�

�All of time is like a river, ebbs and flows, back and forth. Now is simply a point fixed in the midst of the channel. Touching the future, touching the past, it is a simple matter.�

�Simple for you maybe.� Jack ran a trembling hand across his neck. �Can you show me, take me there?�

�Take you?� The voice rested against his cheek, perplexed.

�Yes take me,� he emphasized, �into the past.� As the adrenaline ebbed from his system Jack sank back onto the unyielding sand. �Why call me back here if you can�t�� he looked up searching the pale blue face. �Or won�t help me,� he added quietly.

�Because we regret what we have done. We owe you peace, Jack O�Neill.�

�No there is more to the story here,� he pressed. Hoping, praying that instincts long depended upon, were not failing him in the light of pain and years. �You said come back to us�we will show you.� Jack looked up and reached out a tentative hand towards the Being. His hand came to rest for a moment before sliding right through the seemingly solid tunic clad shoulder. �You aren�t really here are you?� He breathed awed and dismayed by the realization. �There is no road back��

�I am here,� The Being touched his chest with one long finger, tapping softly.

Jack glanced down, startled at the light pressure against his skin. The incongruities were mind boggling to contemplate. He shoved them aside unwilling to be distracted by the anomalies of this odd situation. Forcing his attention on the Being�s pale blank face, he swallowed hard. �Am I right?�

Is the past as inaccessible to you as it is to me, he added silently, unable to give voice to the thought. The words would at last and forever close off all hope. A tremor passed through his limbs and Jack clasped his hands together and bowed his head, fighting the rising panic as he waited for the Being to reply.

Silence.

The hand drifted up to his head and ran cool fingers through his hair. �I hear your thoughts, Jack O�Neill. There is no way to hide them here,� the voice admonished with gentle pressure against his scalp.

Jack licked his lips and looked up into the mirrored eyes. His own reflection met his searching gaze, pallid and desperate. �Then tell me!� he whispered hoarsely, the words nearly strangling in his dry throat. �Tell me what I need to know, tell me what you meant when you said that you would show me.�

�We cannot undo what we have done to you, Jack O�Neill. It is beyond our power, too much has happened, good and bad. You made decisions partially due to our interference. We cannot save or doom all the creatures you have interacted with since our initial encounter��

�Why not?� Jack shook his head frustration giving him the strength to push the matter further than he knew was wise. �Why leave things the same. Maybe I would have thought better, done better��

�Or worse,� the voice pointed out with a tender touch. �However��

A gentle breeze lifted Jack�s hair and fanned his flushed cheeks as the Being stepped closer and rested both hands on his hunched shoulders. �There is one moment in time that you have always wished to do differently.�

�Yes,� Jack murmured softly. His breath caught in his throat, was it possible? Did he dare believe?

�We cannot send you back in time anymore than we can send ourselves, but we can touch the man that you were, Jack O�Neill. You must make the choice.�

His heart leapt with indescribable joy as hope blossomed and then froze in place as the gravity of the choice slowly sank in. He had the chance to fix the mistake, to open up to Sam. Maybe she would stay and talk to him? Perhaps they could work through their differences, even make some progress on their *relationship*. Would she go back to her lab and do her experiment with a clearer head, perhaps prevent the accident from ever happening. Would Sam�s survival ultimately doom or save a race? Or was history doomed to repeat itself, his clear conscience being the only reward as he buried her in the cold ground for a second time. Still years of anguish to live through, until finally he would wind up right back here, a broken wreck? What would it mean to everyone else, friends and family? Did saving his single soul warrant the chaos that could result? There were no guarantees, how could he live with himself if he tried and failed. Would he try again, an infinite number of loops each ending in grief and disaster?

�They *love* you, Jack O�Neill,� the voice was perplexed drumming idly on his shoulder until Jack flinched and pulled away. �I do not understand the term but I know it is true.�

�What? Who?� Jack sat back on the dry, hard earth and pulled his knees up to his chin. �What are you saying?�

�Daniel Jackson, the Jaffa Teal�c, many others, too numerous to name, they *love* you, Jack O�Neill. They want you well,� For the first time there was hesitation in the voice. It fluttered at his temple, and trailed down his cheek. �It is painful for them to see you as you are now.�

Warmth spread through Jack. He leaned his head against his knees and rocked it slowly back and forth. Always they had been there. Quiet, unobtrusive, for the most part, he mused with a sad half smile. Trying to make him open up, to hear them and to talk to them.

Just like Sam.

Was it too much to ask of the universe to be given a second chance? Even if the result was to live with the status quo of their military life as opposed to simply existing without her comforting presence?

How special am I that these people of immense intelligence, talent, and heart would be willing to let me play with their futures as well as my own? We are all tied together in countless ways, how can I play God?

How can I not?

The alternative filled him with dread. The world about them dimmed suddenly, the light fading until all was muted shades of nearly indistinguishable gray. The bright blue skin of the Being standing before him paled to the hue of a November sky heavy with snow. Jack blinked and reached out. This time his hand seemed to find flesh and cloth. He fingered the material and looked up into the Lavender eyes, now dull. �How can I do that to them?�

�Because they asked you to.� The voice stroked his cheek and drifted to his outstretched hand. �Because helping you would bring them joy.� A smile seemed to infuse the voice as it gripped his shoulders.

The light returned as Jack slowly rose to his feet. He dropped his hand to his side as he scanned the distant horizon. �They are here,� he intoned.

�Here,� the Being corrected with one long finger resting on his chest. �What is your answer, Jack O�Neill?�

He shook his head at a loss as the tide of emotions rolled over him. Maybe not everything in my life is a screw up, Jack thought. To find friends who would risk their very existence to save him from this hellish purgatory�how could he ever repay them? Would they ever know how much this chance meant to him? Somehow, some way he would tell them. �I�m ready,� he whispered beneath his breath.

The Being nodded and stepped closer. Skeletal hands reached out and placed themselves on his chest. Long fingers splayed wide as the Being looked up into his face. �It is up to you, Jack O�Neill,� the voice repeated with a soft caress against his cheek. The voice and the barren landscape began to fade�.

---

Epilogue

Jack dropped his pen at the sharp rap on his office door. Cursing softly, he fished beneath the desk, his efforts sending the object skittering across the smooth floor where it bumped against the file cabinet with a dull click. The knock came a second time, louder more insistent than the first.

�Go away,� he muttered sourly.

�Sir?� Carter�s voice unusually soft was accompanied by a third, loud knock.

�What?� He snapped in response, unable to stifle his irritation. Didn�t she know how to take No for an answer!

The door opened slowly and she peered around the edge. �Are you busy, Sir?�

Yes, the sharp retort slammed against his clenched teeth. Jack suppressed a sigh of resignation. �No, I guess not.� He glanced at the pile of paperwork he had been attempting to work through since the morning�s debriefing. It was hopeless, he admitted silently. There was no way he would get anything done today.

He looked up and caught Sam watching him beneath half closed eyelids. She was chewing nervously on her lower lip and she flushed guiltily when he caught her staring. �Sorry,� she murmured. Crossing to the opposite side of the desk she indicated the chair with a tilt of her chin. At his reluctant nod she settled on the edge of it. �So��

�What?� Jack ran a hand through his hair, Jesus, I�m tired. �Something I can help you with?� he added, hoping that she would just vanish and leave him to his miseries.

�Not exactly,�

Damn, he was in it for the long haul. Jack ran a hand across his stiff neck as she dropped her gaze to the assortment of pens and pencils in a jar on the corner of the desk. Selecting a sleek felt tip she turned it slowly in her fingers. �Actually I was hoping that I could help you, Sir,� she continued. After a long moment she raised large, troubled eyes to study his face. �I was concerned after what happened this morning.�

Sir!

He wasn�t in the mood for the machinations necessary to keep things from getting too personal between them. The day had already been too long. How many hours before he could put another horrible year in the emotional bank account and try and forget about it?

�Really? I couldn�t tell,� he bit out before he could stop himself. �You didn�t seem to have any trouble shutting me down in front of Hammond.�

�Sir��

He plunged on, hating himself. �You implied that my reservations about P8R-324 were totally unjustified. That the presence of the earthworks and bunkers was nothing more than an old precaution for a now non existent threat. Your words I believe, or a close approximation.�

�Sir��

Oh no I�m on a roll here, Jack thought sourly as he rose to his feet. �You belittled my observations, Carter without basis in fact��

�There was no evidence to support your assumptions and you know that!� she interrupted hotly, shooting to her feet. �The natives were clearly surprised by our arrival, it was obvious that nothing had come through the Gate in their collective lifetimes. There was no reason to classify P8R-324 as a hostile world.�

�Those pits and trenches didn�t dig themselves! They were clear of debris and offered a direct line of sight to the Gate. Someone was maintaining them. Jesus, Carter, I didn�t just fall off a turnip truck! I know military tactics when I see them.� He cracked his knuckles for emphasis against the flat case mounted on the wall behind him. The frame held his medals and ribbons, the only display he had ever allowed himself in the otherwise Spartan office. �You don�t get this high up without learning a few things!� he spat out, shaking his head with disgust, unsure if he was angrier with her or himself at the present moment.

Her lips twitched, as she seemed to consider and discard a multitude of heated replies. After a long moment her eyes dropped to the desk where her fingers were drumming a rapid staccato on the only clear section of the blotter. �There�s more going on here, isn�t there?�

�Oh here we go, pop psyche 101,� Jack snorted and slumped into his chair with a muffled sigh. �You were out of line in there and I should have reprimanded you for it.�

�Why didn�t you?� Sam reseated herself, her eyes never leaving his face as her busy fingers drifted onto her lap.

�Because��

One thin eyebrow shot up towards her hairline. �Because?�

�Forget it, consider yourself chastised,� Jack replied wearily. �Jesus I need to get out of here for a few days.�

�I can�t just forget it, and neither can you obviously,� Sam pointed out. �What�s going on?�

�It�s personal, Carter, drop it,� he warned softly.

He was not surprised at the slow shake of her blond head. The hand that flitted back above the lip of the desk and settled on his arm drew him up short however. �You were on edge the minute we set foot on that planet. That�s not like you.�

�I told you I didn�t trust those people,� he grated beneath his breath. Her gentle touch was sending fiery tingles across his raw nerves. God don�t do this to me, not today, my defense are down, it would be too easy to��They were hiding something and if you were paying attention you would have seen that!� His tone was sharp and she snatched her hand away as if stung.

Thank God.

The inner relief Jack felt evolved quickly into guilt at the hurt look in her large dark eyes.

Sam�no�

She licked her lips and sat back in the chair. The silence grew until the air was thick and heavy with unspoken thoughts. Sam closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly before whispering. �I was paying attention, to you.�

�That�s part of the problem,� he said caustically. The urge to agree to tell her that she was always in his thoughts both on and off world was almost too powerful to suppress. He strove to bury it beneath a smokescreen of protocol. �We need to function as an effective unit at all times. Personal preoccupations need to be left on the ramp! You�ve been doing this long enough to know that, Major.�

She startled at the use of her rank. �I know my job, Sir.� She replied just as formally, unwilling to give an inch in the underlying battle of wills between them.

I hate this! He wanted to scream his frustration, put a fist through the concrete wall behind him. Why can�t we be normal like everyone else? Why can�t I share how incredibly hard it is to have your back in a firefight while I wonder and worry if you will make it back safe and sound each and every time. Why can�t I let you in to share the pain I�m feeling today of all days? I need you, Sam. I want to tell you how much, show you with tender words and exquisite touches�

Jack shook his head, driving the thoughts back behind the locked door of his subconscious where they could neither be endured nor enjoyed. �I know you do, I�m sorry,� he intoned. The look of relief that flashed briefly across her pale face brought a lump to his throat. He coughed softly, hiding his emotions as he hid his face in a folder. �I have a lot to do here��

Sam slid the folder from his grasp and closed it with a slight shake of her head. �Please don�t�there�s more.�

Leave me alone, please, he begged silently. She was watching him again, luminous blue eyes pleading with him to open up. �I usually go on leave around now�up to the lake.�

�Why? What is so important, special about today?� she leaned forward in her chair.

�Can�t you just let it go?�

�No I can�t! Why won�t you talk to me?� Her eyes blinked rapidly fighting the tears that teetered at their edges. �After everything we�ve gone through you still won�t let me in?�

Jack�s fists clenched so tightly the bones ached and cracked with the stress. He tore his gaze from her flushed face and stared at the ceiling. Harsh words swirled through his mind, angry remarks meant to drive her away struggled to pass his lips. Leave me be, let me wallow in self-recrimination! Its what I deserve on this wretched anniversary, banishment from reality into the nether regions, a hellish twenty-four hour exile. Guilt and rage these are the shades that haunt my steps with more determination as each year draws to a close�

He dropped his eyes to her soft, rounded face. Something warm touched his soul at the tender half smile that curved her lips. He reached inward for the persistent voice that reminded him why he loved her, it answered with an urgent ring. Listen and speak�the normally passive murmurings of his dark heart struggling to be heard above the crash and roar of waves of despair and desperation. Sam was waiting. The gentle, inviting expression on her pale features urged him to take the next step down the road that could, eventually, bring him a measure of peace.

He sighed, raw emotion clogging his throat forcing his voice to a bitter resigned whisper. �You were right, I was on edge�� she waited, discreetly dropping her gaze to allow him time to pull it together.

Sam, you know me so well.

�Timing,� he continued. �The Timing was not good for this mission. I�m not sure how I let it sneak up on me this year but it did. Before I realized it we were going off-world and I wasn�t prepared. I let my personal situation impinge on my job performance. I could have gotten us all killed.�

�But there was no imminent threat,� she protested.

�Doesn�t matter, what if there had been?� Jack shook his head feeling foolish. �I shouldn�t have let it happen.�

�So why did you?�

A simple question spoken so innocently it made his heart ache. �Because for the first time since Charlie died, I forgot. I actually forgot the anniversary, that�s why I was off-world instead of in the woods where I belonged.�

�Where you could hide?�

�What the hell is wrong with that?� he retorted defensively. She flushed crimson and Jack shook his head stifling a deep sigh that caught in his dry throat. �I�m sorry, you didn�t deserve that.�

�It�s okay, I�m feeling pretty damn intrusive right now. I should be the one apologizing here. I shouldn�t have questioned your orders, or your reasons, it�s not my place��

�Yes it is,� he denied softly. His hands jerked in his lap as he fought the urge to reach out and capture her suddenly jittery fingers with his own. �I should have told you a long time ago.�

�About Charlie, no, Sir. You don�t owe me any explanations��

Sir, it was like a slap to the face. He bit his tongue, tasting the bitter tang of fresh blood, �Now which one of us is hiding?�

Sam blinked, startled by his bald question. To her credit, her response was quicker than his would have been. �What would you have me say? After everything we�ve gone through?� She drew a long shuddering breath. �Some days I feel like I know you so well and then something like this happens and it reminds me just how far we still need to travel.�

There were places in Jack�s heart and soul, deep and dark, even he feared to venture. Emotions so raw they bled at his touch, guilt so abiding that it occasionally overwhelmed him in the long hours between midnight and dawn. Sam, how can I show you what I fear to see? What gives me the right to inflict my demons on you? Don�t you have enough grief locked away, why would you want to accept the burdens of my chaotic life? �You know what, forget it. It�s not your fault it�s just�my life. Can�t change it, what can�t be cured must be endured.� The familiar clich� tasted bitter and false as it slipped from his tongue.

Sam swallowed and closed her eyes for a long moment. �Are you?� she whispered softly.

�What?� Warning bells sang across his jittery nerves. Where are you going with this?

�Enduring?�

�Carter�.�

She raised a hand, forestalling his protest. �Going up to the lake every year, hiding out with only a beer and a fishing pole�� she licked her lips and brought her earnest blue eyes up to rest lightly on his drawn face. �It sounds like all you are doing is surviving, is that enough?�

He looked away. The underlying thread of the conversation was straying dangerously off course. �It works,� he murmured at a loss. Shaking his head he picked up the topmost file in the stack. �I have to get through this��

�Jack��

Her tone was sharp and exasperated. The file slid back onto the desk as he forced himself to look up and meet her demanding gaze.

�We need to have this conversation��

�Right now?� He couldn�t believe he was questioning her. Wasn�t this the moment he had been waiting for; finally the chance to acknowledge out loud, without the benefit of an alien virus, drugs, or painful coercion, how he really felt? To make her hear the words that so often burned in his throat?

�Yes, right now,� Sam affirmed softly. She rose from her seat and walked purposefully to the office door. The lock fell into place with a resounding snap and she turned back. Dark blue eyes roamed the room, clearly she was as nervous about the impending discussion as he was. At length those luminous orbs settled on his face as she crossed the short space between them and stopped by the corner of the desk.

Jack nodded stiffly, acknowledging her presence but unable to force a single sound from his constricting throat. Now what? His eyes flickered to the locked door, on the one hand he was grateful. That�s all they needed is some wet behind the ears lieutenant walking in and catching them talking or doing other things, he mused with an inward smile. Wishful thinking old man! On the other hand he was trapped, alone with Sam and his emotions. Which were at this moment doing their best to turn his stomach and make him regret the half a tuna sandwich he had forced down an hour before. �You want to go first?� He managed to croak.

�No you can start.� The color was beginning to rise in her cheeks.

Jack smiled at her discomfiture and his own. Sam glanced at the door, her cheeks were crimson when she ducked her head and walked back around the desk. �Oh God�� she muttered beneath her breath. Her hands were shaking ever so slightly as they ran through her short blond hair. �I can�t believe I just did that��

�Neither can I.� A soft, nervous chuckle escaped his lips as Jack rose to his feet. Her back was facing him as she attempted to pull herself together. He stopped just short of touching her tense shoulders. Major Samantha Carter who could disarm almost any alien device. The person who could rig a power supply from a plant, decipher the intricacies of a time dilation device and, he added with a wan inward grin, make a hell of a cheesecake. This brilliant woman was stymied by the emotional walls he had built up over more years than he cared to admit to at the moment. She who would always be fascinating to him was at a loss for words. He groped feebly for the means to ease her mind.

How pathetic were they?

�No�it�s not enough, shouldn�t be enough for either of us.� He picked up the thread of the conversation right where she intended. She turned slowly, the motion bringing them even closer together. The heat of her body washed over him sending static tendrils of exquisite fire racing across his nerves. Jack sucked in a steadying breath, fighting for control of his pounding heart. His hands jerked by his side, yearning to touch her.

There was no easy way to say what needed to be said. He cleared his throat and touched her elbow with cool fingers. �Not a day goes by when I don�t think of you. Especially when something like this anniversary comes along.� Shaking his head, he grimaced. �Anniversary, that sounds pretty damn happy doesn�t it?� She didn�t answer, but dropped her liquid gaze to his tentative hand. He tightened his grip, grateful for her silence and seeming acceptance as he continued. �When we�re out in the field I�m watching your back, praying that I don�t do something stupid that puts you in jeopardy. You�re the one I worry about when it should be Jonas or Daniel. When we�re here on the base I bury myself in paperwork. God knows there�s always that! But I do it so I won�t keep showing up at your office door, just because I want to be near you. As much as I bitch and moan about all the techno-babble, I could easily spend an afternoon watching you unravel the latest mystery from P3 whatever! And today, when I was so deep down inside myself that I could hardly breathe I wanted so much to reach out to you because I needed to hear your voice. Anything would have done�just so long as you were talking to me�but I couldn�t do it. Because today of all days, I don�t deserve that warmth, the closeness, whatever it is that flows so easily between us. Its like breathing, second nature but not today��

She stopped the flow of words with a finger to his lips. �You shouldn�t sell yourself, or us short.�

Us? Since when was there an us? Only in his head had that state of being existed. �I�m not, it�s the truth.�

�As you see it, it�s not and never has been what I see.�

�Meaning what?� Confusion had joined the horrid, claustrophobic feeling leaving a cold knot in the pit of his stomach. �What do you see, Sam?�

�You�ve paid your dues. How long do you need to torture yourself over what happened to Charlie? Run and hide away from the world, longer and deeper every year.� She licked her lips. �I�m not saying you should forget but you need to forgive and let him rest.� Soft fingers trailed down his arm and across the back of his limp hand, catching his fingers in a cautious grip. �You didn�t pull that trigger, you never meant for him to find that gun�it was and always has been a horrible twist of fate.�

�Its not that simple.� He slipped reluctantly from her grasp and turned away, knowing that the raw emotions that threatened to pour over them both showed all too plainly on his suddenly ashen features. The tremors were rising from deep within and cold sweat slicked his palms. Every time he reached the intersection at the base of his street he would get the same instant reaction. The choice to go left or right invoked the pain of loss in brief, stabbing flashes. Left was safety, the quiet residential neighborhood that faded rapidly to a remote country road. A left off that relatively empty stretch took him up the twisting road that led to the Cheyenne Mountain complex. A right at that same intersection took him past a place he could hardly bare to contemplate, let alone visit. The cemetery where Charlie lay buried, nine long years ago today.

�No, its not,� Sam agreed softly. She did not touch him, but simply shifted until he caught her soft features out of the corner of his eye. �I�m not trying to say it should be��

�But�� he prompted. Do I want to hear this from you or anyone, am I ready? She did not answer right away and Jack released a deep sigh between his clenched teeth. Maybe you aren�t ready to tell me?

She stepped forward, her hand warm on his arm. �There is no But in this situation. There is only time and the need to heal. You can�t beat yourself up forever��

�I can�t?� his voice was dry and brittle. �I�ve managed pretty well so far, except for today. He was my son, how could I forget him, ever?�

�You haven�t,� she protested. �You�re simply accepting what you cannot change. Don�t look at it as letting him go, just letting him and yourself rest. Don�t you think you deserve that much?�

No, I don�t. The urge to deny her words and the sense they made was overpowering. He had never been able to accept anything less than brutal honesty from his inner self. Granted, his personal views were a bit jaded by the world at large�Jack shook his head, a bit? Who was he kidding? The view from his subconscious was painted in shades of gray and black, had been for years! Was it even remotely possible that he could and should look beyond that tragic fall day? Would seeing another side to the situation allow him the freedom to be open to the possibilities Sam seemed to be offering?

His arm was tingling beneath her gentle touch. The warmth of her presence, the subtle pressure on his skin they pulled at his consciousness. She was so close, her breath fanned his cheek and lifted the hair at his temples. Deep and measured while she quietly watched him. Jack licked his lips, striving for balance while his heart slammed heavily in his chest. Sam can you hear it? The sound seemed to echo in the small room, blurring the edges of his vision as he turned finally to face her. �I don�t know,� he murmured beneath his breath.

�I do,� she replied firmly. A small smile curved her lips and she squeezed his arm for emphasis. �You are an extraordinary man, Jack O�Neill. Let yourself believe it because it�s true.�

Jack flushed self-consciously, but forced himself to meet her unwavering eyes. �Is that how you see me?� he asked softly

�Yes.� There was no hesitation as she stepped closer and took his limp fingers in hers. �I don�t want another day to go by without telling you that�without sharing with you how much I care�how much I love you. No more cat and mouse. I want you to go out there knowing that you have a soft place to fall. Because not a day goes by where I don�t think of you either.�

Hesitant fingers caressed his cheek and trailed down his jaw-line. Jack caught one between his lips and tickled the tip with his tongue before she slid it free. The world was disappearing beneath the cloud of hope her words had placed him on. He couldn�t speak but only stand with his hand in hers feeling delicious quivers of anticipation as he gazed into her deep blue eyes. Was it the beginning? Finally after all those long years, were they moving forward?

She answered his unspoken question with a full on smile. Leaning forward she kissed him deeply, her tongue searching and probing his mouth, drawing a low moan from his throat. Jack slipped one hand around her waist and the other cradled her blond head. He tasted her, reveled in the sweetness of emotions long suppressed and now gloriously released. She pressed closer deepening the kiss until they were both forced to breath in short ragged gasps. They pulled apart and Jack felt the color rising in his cheeks as she blushed furiously. �Now what?� he breathed. A slow, languid smile curled his lips as she ducked her head against his chest.

�I don�t know��

�That�s good then, for once we�re on even footing.�

She giggled and pushed away long enough to meet his deep brown eyes with a questioning look. �I thought you hated surprises.�

�I think I could learn to like this.�

*THE*END*