�Do I have a surprise for you...�

�Chinese?� Jack�s eyebrows climbed towards his hairline as he regarded the assortment of cardboard cartons filling the table.

�Sure, why not?�

�Daniel��

�After five days of Jell-o, boxed potatoes, and rubber meatloaf, I think Sam will enjoy a change,� the younger man retorted petulantly.

�But Carter likes Jell-O.�

�Jack!�

He held up his hands to ward off Daniel�s burgeoning exasperation. �So much for barbequing. You sure you got enough?�

�Janet and some of the techs are bringing salads and lasagna. There�s enough,� Daniel muttered.

�I believe DanielJackson was trying to avoid an unnecessary repeat of the last��

Jack wheeled and glared at the rumbling Jaffa. �Watch it!�

Teal�c blinked, his full lips curving into a faint smile. �I am in agreement with him.�

�Oy,� Jack rolled his eyes and began to paw through the cartons and bags. �You remembered the fortune cookies I hope?�

Daniel sighed gustily and brushed his hand aside. �Of course.�

�Good.�

�O�Neill, I have attached the balloons to the porch railing and the tent poles��

�Yeah, nice choice. Pink hearts?� Jack stifled a derisive snort. What would Carter say? The implications would not be lost on any of the humans attending the celebration. He was certain that the subtext had flown miles above Teal�c�s bald head however.

�Next week is the celebration of St. Valentines, or were you not aware, O�Neill?� The Jaffa remarked blandly.

�Uh no, I wasn�t actually.�

�Yeah right,� Daniel mumbled as he withdrew a cookie sheet from the cupboard.

�I am afraid my choices were somewhat limited. It was either pink hearts or cartoon depictions of animals with inscriptions such as �be mine� and �hot stuff�.�

Jack sighed and struggled to ignore Daniel�s choked guffaw. �Yeah, okay, whatever.� Pink hearts were suddenly sounding like the safest choice.

�I believe the procurement of a cake was your responsibility, O�Neill,� the Jaffa continued airily.

�Yes Jack, where is that cake?�

Crap!

�Hidden,� he snapped irritably. How could I have forgotten? �I�m going to double check the cooler in the garage, can�t be running out of beer half way through��

�You forgot, didn�t you?� Daniel surmised as he loaded egg rolls onto the sheet. �I can�t believe it��

�I didn�t forget Daniel, keep your shirt on.�

Damn!

Jack turned and stalked out of the room. Hoping bluster would obscure the rising flush of embarrassment evident in face and voice. How the hell�

There was no point in berating himself. Thirty two hours without sleep was bound to make anyone muzzy headed.

During the long hours following Sam�s arrival, Janet insisted he try to sleep. He refused to leave the Infirmary but offered the frazzled doctor a compromise. Appeasing her sensibilities by curling up on an empty bed. The incessant drone of medical equipment lulled him into a hellish doze replete with sordid visions of past horrors. Nightmares flogged his conscience without mercy. Driving him back to consciousness with flashes of amber fire and gut wrenching chills. There were too many similarities to the past and too many worries for the future to consider. True rest was impossible. Talking to Janet and bumping into Daniel as he attempted to sort through the rampant emotions helped a little. But seeing and hearing the vivacious Major offered the only acceptable balm to his uneasy mind.

Her first word caught him off guard, but the implications of it were lost in the unfettered joy of seeing the bright, blue eyes open and brimming with life. Jack strove for outward calm, even as the ache to hold her grew to painful proportions. She was back!

The adrenalin rush faded when she drifted into a comfortable sleep. Janet ordered him out and Jack complied with a stern order that she call if anything changed. The drive off the mountain and across town was a blur. The already bland winter colors distorted by exhaustion and lingering nightmares. Chill wind and driving needles of ice barely penetrated the disquieting numbness settling into body and soul. Questions buried beneath initial euphoria reared up in the absence of distraction. Propelling him down the darkened streets and into the cold reality of an empty house.

What if things had turned out differently? It was impossible to know what information had been scanned from the Prometheus� memory banks. Earth could have gained a powerful new threat, an apathetic observer, or a hesitant ally. Determining the nature of the aliens would require revisiting that area of space. Jack was inwardly adamant that Carter not participate in the mission. Knowing that he was powerless to stop her chilled him to the core.

The dark, dank air of the closed up house served as a pointed reminder of the most poignant musings that had passed through heart and mind over the last day and a half. Carter�Sam�was out there alone for four days, with only herself to depend upon. The vast resources of her brilliant mind allowed escape from the cloud. Illustrating once again that she was far and above his superior, at least in the brains department. Still, Jack was left to wonder at her odd behavior upon awakening. Was it only the concussion that caused her to blurt out his name? Could it be more? Did he want to know what she had been thinking in between various escape attempts?

Jack walked through the empty halls and rooms of the house, shunning the light and all it would reveal. He entered the bathroom and stripped Darkness lay thick and cold, covering every surface. He found the shower stall by feel and turned the valves to the hottest setting skin would tolerate. The air grew dense and moist with steam and his body relaxed involuntarily as fatigue took its toll. He leaned against the wall and tried to forget the sadness in her eyes and the abrupt painful clench in his twisted innards. A sensation which first emerged with the report of the Prometheus� disappearance, and had yet to totally relinquish its� hold.

He stepped from the stall when the water turned cool, and dried off only partially before entering the bedroom. Displaced moonlight seeping beneath the curtained French doors illuminated a pair of sweats and a T-shirt wadded by the bed. Abandoned days or weeks earlier. Jack untangled the turned in legs and sleeves and forced his still damp body into them. His mind struggled with the maudlin turn of thought and the possibly repercussions of Carter�s misadventure. The familiarity of the stiff mattress and the weight of exhaustion gradually reduced coherent thought, until only errant snatches remained. Jack sank into a deep sleep. The idea of a party, of friends and colleagues, of cake, slipped into the nether regions: utterly forgotten.

The slam of the metal door between house and garage grated across Jack�s raw nerves. Effectively ending introspection. He looked up and spotted Daniel standing on the step. His blue eyes were dark and a frown tugged at the full lips. �You okay?�

�Yeah, fine, why?�

The frown deepened as Daniel stepped down and crossed the oil stained space between them. �You forgot the cake.�

�So,� Jack retorted defensively. �No one will get here for another hour anyway and Fraiser�s always late.�

�That�s not the point.�

�Care to enlighten me?�

Daniel crossed his arms and stared hard at the concrete floor for a long moment. �It�s not like you,� he murmured without looking up.

�Do tell?� The tone was harsh, defensive. Daniel winced and a guilty flush colored Jack�s cheeks. He licked his lips, reaching for a shred of calm. �Look Daniel, a lot happened while you were away��

�This has nothing to do with my Ascension,� Daniel interrupted. He titled his head and searched Jack�s face. Seeking and holding the shifting brown eyes with earnest intensity. �It�s not like you to forget something like this.�

�Come on, I can�t remember what I had for breakfast most of the time,� Jack protested weakly.

The younger man did not relent. �When it comes to us, you don�t forget. Especially when it comes to Sam.�

�It�s just a cake��

�Jack.�

�Don�t.� The warning was instant and involuntary. Jack clung to self-control with an iron grip. �Daniel, leave it alone.�

�You were scared out of your mind while she was gone. Don�t try and deny it.�

�Drop it,� he advised icily.

�I can�t!� Daniel snapped. One hand flung out emphasizing his exasperation in short, sharp gestures. �When I finally remembered who and what I was I had to come to grips with what did, or more importantly, did not happen while I was gone. I�ve watched you both for months and I hate what repression has done to both of you.�

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath. The cold hard concrete beneath their feet lent substance to the unacceptable discussion. A jarring reality bite that sent a dull ache through Jack�s knees and filled the air with the musty tang of dirt and mold. The banter of minutes earlier was effectively buried by the realities of the stalemate Daniel insisted upon discussing.

Why here? Why now?

The conversation, like the situation that spawned it, was surreal. Fit only to live in the realm of nightmare. Jack felt detached and rode the comforting sensation for as long as patience would allow.

I can�t talk about this with you, with anyone, least of all with her�

�I was scared,� he admitted in a halted whisper. �We all were.�

Daniel grunted at the qualifier. �Not like that.�

�I�m going to get the cake. Make sure Teal�c doesn�t burn the egg rolls.� He strode out the open bay door, leaving Daniel to ponder the dismissal.

Once inside the relative safety of his pick up truck, Jack gave vent to frustration. He peeled out of the drive and onto the street. Not caring what impression the squealing tires and revving V-8 left with neighbors or friends. His hand was white on the stick as he slammed through the gears. Navigating around parked cars in wide sloppy arcs worthy of any student driver. The intersection at the bottom of the hill was teeming with traffic. Jack performed a rolling stop and shot out into the may lay. The driver of an SUV honked and spurted past, glaring from his rearview mirror.

�Asshole,� Jack muttered darkly as he stepped hard on the brake and then accelerated past a small sedan turning onto a side street.

Why did Daniel always have to press? Couldn�t he leave well enough alone? Things were working as well as could be expected. With the occasional exception Carter was usually within his command. He could keep her safe, protect her from what was �out there�. Though truth be told their greatest threats were probably of the earth bound variety.

A sports car swerved abruptly and the front of Jack�s truck sunk towards the pavement as he jumped on the brakes for a second time. �Son of a bitch, Carter you had better appreciate this cake�� The words echoed above the white noise of the toiling engine. Beyond the surface anger there was a wistful almost desperate tinge. He winced and shoved ashen fingers through his tousled hair.

The exceptions, in particular this exception, were the problem of course. Sending her off to discover the origin and plans for Anubis� super soldier while he traipsed all over Honduras was another example. Militarily the missions were sound. Send the best man, or woman, for the job at hand. That was logic however and it had little baring on emotion. Watching her walk through the Gate, successful but injured, was a forced exercise in restraint. He wanted to hold her free hand and tenderly stroke her cheek. Gently enfold her in a comforting embrace and whisper his relief and pride. They settled for lunch because that was what propriety demanded.

A convenience store caught Jack�s attention. He glanced in his mirror and then swerved into the right hand turn lane. The driver behind laid hard on their horn and sped past, flipping him the middle finger. Jack ignored the rude gesture and slipped into a parking space.

The winter sun was unusually warm but he shivered nevertheless as he stepped onto the slushy asphalt. The thrum and pulse of a hip-hop tune blared from a speaker above the door. Cutting sharply through the splash of passing motorists. Jack cringed. This is music? He walked across the lot and entered the store, ducking his head against the obnoxious mixture of sounds. �For cryin out loud��

The sallow faced clerk behind the counter grinned. �You don�t like my tunes, pops?�

He glared at the adolescent.

Pops?

Jack walked purposefully down the aisle towards the bakery section, hands firmly sheathed in pockets. No way was he going to give the arrogant little snot sitting by the register the satisfaction of covering his ears!

Unfortunately, the comment rang with a galling measure of truth. Age had been a consideration for a long time. The nagging suspicion that the reason Carter held out was due at least in some small part to the fact that he could pass for her father. Chronologically it was impossible, but the gleam of silver that greeted him every morning in the mirror suggested otherwise. Perhaps it was vanity? But on who�s part? Certainly a woman as intelligent as Sam Carter would be able to see beyond the surface issues of gray hair and wrinkles.

Jack stopped before the display case and scanned the contents with inordinate intensity. None of the confections available quite matched the image conjured in his mind�s eye that day in the corridor.

Intelligence�

Why on earth, or anywhere else for that matter, would Carter give him more than the time of day? Given the vagaries of life it was pure chance that they had even met.

If I were still married, if Charlie had lived�

Jack shook his head and swallowed hard.

If I had died on Abydos�

What ifs were a part of the past. Not to be reconsidered, dwelled upon, or otherwise manipulated. Jack dragged his eyes across the surface of the glass. Drawn by the haggard reflection partially obscuring the objects beneath. It was no wonder the kid behind the counter reacted with such impertinence. The image of a weary old man stared back at him. Marked by guilt and flawed by grief. The features were heavy with unfulfilled expectations and stifled desires.

Intelligence�

Sam was smarter than even he gave her credit for. Perhaps the wisest course for her was to stay as far away from him as possible.

The resolution forced a tremor that tingled Jack�s fingertips and caught the breath in his throat.

�Can I help you, Sir?�

�I need a cake,� he replied, feeling foolish and exposed by the lapse in his self-restraint.

She smiled. �Any particular flavor?�

�Chocolate.� At least that was a simple choice.

The woman moved out into the lobby of the store and gestured to a small round cake covered in thick icing. �Something like this?�

Jack shook his head. �No, bigger.�

�How many people are you serving, Sir?�

He could almost hear the unspoken query. And why isn�t your wife doing this? Cursing inwardly, Jack thought for a moment. �About 30,� The Prometheus crew was on stand down. He knew several of the engineers as well as Colonel Ronson and Major Gant were planning on attending the celebration. Janet and part of the med staff would also be on hand. Sam was always a cooperative patient, a welcome change from his cantankerous visitations to the ward.

�Ah I see.� The woman turned and gestured to a large upright case to his left. �Something in here might fill the bill then.�

Jack looked where she pointed. His eyes jumped from item to item and abruptly settled on the half sheet on the bottom shelf. �That one.�

�It has vanilla icing,� she protested.

I know that! Jack swallowed the urge to snap. I may look old but I�m not senile! �Yes, about the icing��

The baker�s pale lips pinched and twisted as she listened to his request. When Jack finished she tilted her head and released a long sigh. �And you want this when?�

�Now.�

�You�re kidding?�

Does it look it? �No.�

�I�m not sure I have time��

Jack fished in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. �I�ll give you this above the cost of the cake itself. Just don�t tell junior back there.� He indicated the kid at the door and put on his best smile.

He couldn�t be sure if it was the cash or the charm that finally won over the woman. Either way Jack was not about to question her acquiescence. She snatched the cake from the cooler and disappeared into the back. Leaving him to stand and stare rather stupidly at the empty space between case and wall.

The changes in the icing were purely an indulgence. A subtle attempt to prove once again that he was paying attention to Carter and the little things that made her smile. Jack groaned beneath his breath. So much about their �relationship� was subtle. A life lived on the edge of reality. Almost touching, teetering a hairs breadth from admission. Daring to hope, and so afraid to exhibit anything beyond what was acceptable concern.

He crossed that line in the long hours between Carter�s arrival and awakening. Contemplating the Entity and the fate that almost was forced their current situation into specific relief. Janet�s blunt interpretations, and the very real ghosts hovering in her light brown eyes, had touched him deeply. How close had he and Sam both come to losing the future? Within the last six months he had been cloned, played cat and mouse with Honduran revolutionaries and suffered an attack from a wild Unas. While she nearly died taking part in an alien Indy 500, fixing Felgar�s screw up, visiting Anubis� homeworld, and participating in what to all intents and purposes should have been a milk run for the Prometheus. The laundry list forced Jack�s feet into motion. He paced the aisles of the store. Idly fingering assorted boxes and cans as he struggled to rein in his fractious emotions.

Nearly�

That was the operative word. The term they all clung to while Sam drifted in a coma. �Nearly.�

�Excuse me?�

Jack blinked at the short woman in his path. �Sorry.�

The shopper nodded and turned back to the shelf.

He returned to the bakery section and leaned heavily against the display case. The Plexiglas front squeaked in protest and he shifted away. Annoyed and embarrassed by the sound and the attention it garnered from a fellow patron.

What had passed through Sam�s foggy mind all alone on that ship? Was she reevaluating her situation? Considering whether to continue as a member of SG-1 or perhaps join the Prometheus on missions that would take it further and further from the familiarity of the Sol system? Did she contemplate giving up? Which of the myriad souls that inhabited her experiences came to the fore, as death became a very real possibility? Jacob, Daniel, Teal�c, Janet, Jonas; dare he assume, himself?

Jack stared at the ceiling. His mouth tasted dry and sour. The familiar sensation of the morning after without the benefit of the forgetful properties of a stout ale, or a draught of hard liquor.

Questions spawned hope and fear in equal measure, leaving his mind a reeling wreck. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

�Sir?�

�Huh?� He shook himself and glanced down.

The baker held up the cake. �Is this what you wanted?�

The writing was more gray than silver and the fletching of swirls and loops along the edge was slightly stilted. It was close however, and Jack rewarded her with a soft smile. �It�s great, thanks.� He took the cake and slipped the crumpled twenty into her warm, moist hand.

She fingered the bill. �You don�t have to��

�Yes I do,� he assured softly and turned away.

The kid at the counter raised his eyebrows at the cake. �Different.�

Jack ignored the comment. His eyes drifted quickly over the assortment of candies and oddities that filled the cluttered space next to the register. Tucked behind a box of Cadbury Cream Eggs was a carton of key chains. He nudged through them with one finger. Absently noting the colors and shapes. �I think that�s�� Something bright and sparkly caught his eye and Jack paused. �Hold on a second.�

The kid sighed loudly.

Shut up�

He grasped the smooth rectangle and pulled it free. A picture of the earth taken during the 1969 lunar landing was emblazoned on a glittering, ebony field. Jack turned the object to reveal a deep blue back. The smooth surface was alive with miniature rainbows produced by sparkling chips. A dark tracery of silver wove a short phrase across the width of the piece. With Hope What Dreams May Come.

The innocuous string of words sent a tremor from Jack�s chilled core to the tips of his fingers. He gripped the small object for a long moment and then laid it on the plastic cake cover. �Add this.�

�Whatever.� The clerk rang up the bill and Jack paid. Shoving the key chain in his pocket before grasping the cake and heading out into the parking lot.

The sounds of the party assaulted Jack as soon as he topped the hill in front of his house. A steady thrum and pulse poured through his partially open window and he grimaced. Would the sub woofer on the stereo survive Teal�c�s preference for heavy metal? He turned into the drive and parked behind General Hammond�s car.

Terrific�

He hated being late. Worse he hated being the center of attention. Sneaking the cake into the garage cooler might be accomplished without observation. A belated entrance into the backyard would not go unnoticed however. Jack sighed heavily and turned off the engine, bracing himself for the inevitable.

Buck up, O�Neill�

He slid the cake from the seat and marched purposefully towards the garage. Laughter leached beneath the door leading to the kitchen. Glasses tinkled and the French doors slammed, making him jump involuntarily.

The neighborhood watch is never going to let me live this down�

�Jack!�

�Jesus Christ!� he snapped irritably as he spun around. �You scared the crap out of me, Daniel!�

�Sorry,� the younger man muttered. ��Bout time.�

�Traffic,� Jack lied. Judging by his smug grin Daniel was not the least bit sorry, which annoyed Jack even further. He turned and shoved the cake into the cooler, closing the door with more force than was necessary. He could feel Daniel�s eyes raking across his bowed head. The stale air was charged with an undercurrent of expectancy and concern. Sucking in a deep breath, Jack straightened and pivoted to face the younger man. �Can I help you with something?�

�General Hammond and Colonel Ronson were asking where you were?�

�And you said?� he prompted uneasily.

�You were running an errand. But you�re back now so��

�Give me a minute.�

�Jack, look I�m sor��

�Save it.� He put up a warning hand and shook his head, swallowing hard. The pressure to respond, to deny, what Daniel was leaning towards was monumental. Making the necessary act of breathing a chore of itself. Confrontation would surely send him to his knees a gasping, gibbering wreck. �Later,� he managed hoarsely.

Daniel relented without comment and disappeared back inside the house.

Jack sighed gratefully and leaned against the wall, gathering his shredded control. I can do this, I can. It�s only a party. We�ve spent hours and hours among our friends and co-workers today is no different�Except that it was and no amount of denial would change that. He pushed off the wall, swallowing a bitter curse.

Everyone knew, or thought they knew, what was going on. He couldn�t shake the insidious sensation that he was being watched for any signs of weakness, or obvious errors in judgment. Sordid hints would somehow lead to the suspicions that could evolve into facts, which required action. Everyone knew except them.

The irony forced a bitter chuckle from Jack as he exited the garage and rounded the corner of the house.

There had never been a formal declaration between them. Admission yes, but agreement, understanding? No these were not on the table for two USAF officers who were supposed to be the very souls of discretion. Given their ranks and posting the idea of carrying on some sort of clandestine affair was ludicrous.

Jack zipped his coat against the winter chill and paused beside the bushes that helped to define the backyard.

Affair?

He hated the word and all that it implied. Decades in the past he pledged his honor to one woman to the exclusion of all comers. The ties of matrimony were as sacred as any military oath, cheating was never an option. Upon entering the service Jack discovered a world that taunted his innate sensibilities and sometimes questioned personal integrity for the sake of a few stolen moments. Fresh faced and painfully na�ve, he felt duty bound to report a violation of the fraternization regulations. The obvious flaunting of military decorum annoyed and disgusted him. The Major and Captain in question were ultimately responsible for their misconduct, but that did not make enduring their subsequent hostility any easier. A retaliatory beating behind the Officer�s club one hot August night was Jack�s first lesson in the facts of life. It would not be the last. A stint in Vietnam at the end of the war and entrance into the elite Special Forces brought an effective closure to adolescence. Suddenly reporting a heated tryst behind the machine shop was less important than learning to save his ass in the foliage of a foreign jungle.

Time and trial brought additional wisdom and a pantheon of pain. His marriage seemed like another lifetime now. Two existences separated decisively by the painful mistake of one fall day and all the extraordinary events that followed. It had been easy to adhere to the self imposed rules after Sara left. Jack�s loyalty to the service ran deep, far deeper than devotion to her or himself it seemed. In the end the former vows were a lie, the latter all he had left. Solitude became companion and guide, impossible to betray.

Then Doctor�Major�Samantha Carter walked through the door.

Jack scrubbed a hand across his face and scanned the milling bodies drifting in and out of the heated tent. The billowing white sided structure covered half of the back yard and seem to expand and contract with the throb of the concealed stereo and the murmur of lifted voices.

General Hammond�s gleaming bald head caught his eye. The CO of the SGC stood to one side of the open door. Laughing softly and raising a glass to something Colonel Ronson was saying. The younger man smiled and nodded, apparently deeply involved in his tale. Jack bit his lip, faintly envious of the other officer�s relaxed manner. The commander of the Prometheus was confident in the abilities of his ship and its crew in spite of the recent incident. His mission report reeked of an eagerness and wonder usually only found in the heart and head of a fresh recruit. Outwardly Ronson was stoic and detail oriented, but his words told the true story. He was an explorer and Jack quailed beneath a bitter shroud of jealousy and regret.

When did I lose that sense of excitement? When did the Stargate and all its� mysteries become less of a challenge and more of a burden?

The backdoor slammed and his focus shifted to the porch. Janet Fraiser�s bright, musical laugh spilled over the rail as she leaned companionably on Daniel�s arm. Wan winter sunshine picked strands of burnished gold and copper from her hair, lending further light to the warm smile on her face. She sipped from her drink and tripped idly down the stairs. Chatting amiably with Daniel and a nurse hot on their heels. They entered the tent and stepped to one side of General Hammond, disappearing and reappearing after a moment. Their images were distorted slightly by the plastic window, which was part of the tent panel. The back of a chair was visible just in front of them. The occupant hidden from view by its� high back and the bunching of a colorful blanket spilling out of sight.

Carter

Jack was sure of his assumption. Her presence emanated like a beacon, drawing him despite better judgment. He took a deep breath and stepped into the yard. Intent on confirming his suspicions and assuaging the almost physical ache to be near her, even if they couldn�t speak. The solid heat of a body jolted his attention away from the window. Damn! Repressing smoldering irritation, Jack looked down and offered the obstruction in question a pale, guilty smile. �Hey Gant, sorry about that.�

�Colonel,� the young woman acknowledged. �No problem, Sir. You have a very nice house.�

�Thanks. Good job out there,� he added by way of courtesy.

She flushed and raised her drink towards the tent. �The credit goes to Major Carter, Sir. If she hadn�t figured things out we would still be floating around up there!�

Jack nodded fractionally at the woman�s enthusiasm. Yes she�s a wonder� He let the thought dangle unspoken.

�Colonel!�

Christ is this a conspiracy?

�Excuse me,� Jack muttered to the major. Jamming a clenched fist into his pocket he planted a fake smile on his face and turned towards the voice. �General, Colonel.�

Ronson nodded and gestured expansively. �Nice place you have here, O�Neill.�

�Keeps the rain off my head,� he responded with forced civility.

The Colonel chuckled and took a long pull on his beer. �You�ve got a fine officer under your command, you should be proud.�

Jack glanced at Hammond�s soft features. The older man returned the look, quietly waiting for him to reply to Ronson�s compliment.

�Major Carter is an extremely competent Officer,� he muttered tactfully.

�She�d make a fine addition to the crew of the Prometheus.�

Not on your life! The fist in Jack�s pocket popped and cracked with strain. �That�s up to her and General Hammond.� He shifted attention to the superior officer. Silently pleading for reassurance.

Hammond complied with a broad smile. �We�re very happy with the Major and her current assignment.�

�Well if she should ever change her mind��

She won�t!

Jack�s arm muscles quivered and burned with the effort to remain silent.

�We�ll give the request all due consideration, Colonel. Rest assured,� Hammond replied.

Ronson nodded, oblivious to Jack�s discomfort. �That�s all I can ask, General.� He turned and offered a hand. �Thanks for having me, Jack.�

�Bill.� He shook the other man�s hand. Struggling with the insane notion that Ronson was somehow more than an innocent bystander in the game of move and countermove he and Carter continued to play. The Colonel had only one thing on his agenda. To see the man�s query as anything more than a desire to have the best people on board the Prometheus was an indication of just how far gone he was.

Get a grip!

�Jack?� Hammond�s gentle tones reached through the miasma of useless thoughts. His touch on Jack�s arm elicited a violent shiver.

�Sir?�

�You okay? You did get some sleep I hope?�

�Yes I did,� he replied in a dull monotone.

What�s the point?

�You look like hell.� The older man remarked with obvious concern.

Jack snorted and dropped his eyes to the ground. Concentrating on uprooting a frozen morsel of dirt with the toe of his boot, as he searched for a response.

�I know how tough this has been on you,� Hammond continued softly. �Major Carter is a very��

�She�s an important member of my team, Sir.� He reiterated the worn rhetoric unconsciously. Riding a disconcerting sense of deja vu as visions of the SGC briefing room flashed before his eyes. The helplessness brought on by the Entity�s invasion of Carter�s mind and body flowed over the damn of checked feelings. Fresh and hot it painted the cheery interior of the tent in shades of crimson.

Hammond cleared his throat. The quiet tones of his reply cut through the thrum of Jack racing pulse. �She�s more than that. I�ve been at this long enough to know the difference.�

What?

Jack looked up. A thrill of shock sucked the moisture from his mouth and throat. He started to protest but subsided when Hammond raised a hand and shook his head.

�You�re not fooling anyone anymore, Son. It�s written all over your face and to be honest I don�t give a damn. You have never failed to do your duty as an officer. You have never interfered in Major Carter�s mission assignments, nor prevented her from participating in situations that might jeopardize her health. You have always been the perfect officer in that regard.� He smiled thinly. �I can�t ask anymore of my people than their very best and I can�t expect either of you to deny what�s so obvious to everyone who knows and cares about you.�

�Sir I��

Hammond�s grip tightened as he guided Jack forcefully towards the rippling white wall behind the buffet table. �I�m not giving you permission to be obvious. Discretion is the word here.� The General squeezed and released Jack�s arm. A wistful expression lightened his blue eyes to a watery gray and he seemed to slip away from the moment. Lost to images and voices from a past that Jack suddenly wished he were a part of.

�Sir?�

�There are no guarantees in life,� he answered distantly. �But only a fool refuses to try.�

�Yes, Sir.� Jack was sure that Hammond was speaking to the past as much as to him. Which did not detract from the wisdom imparted, however. �Thank you.�

�You�re welcome.�

Hammond wandered off leaving Jack alone.

He drifted at the fringes of the celebration. Non-committal conversations about the weather and politics afforded time and space to analyze what Hammond offered. Beyond the giddy sense of relief and freedom, which sprang to mind with embarrassing speed.

There is a chance if we choose to take it.

Jack shied from the burgeoning anxiety the scenario present. Continuing to mingle, joining in and slipping out of conversations with the usual surface pleasantries. Secretly grateful for the pair of Prometheus engineers and their eye glazing discussion of the intricacies of Carter�s successful escape from the cloud. The techno babble was white noise, humming at the back of Jack�s mind as he considered and dismissed his new found animosity towards Ronson. The man was doing his job, which is what the USAF expected. His motivations were not in question. Thoughts of duty and responsibility brought Jack full circle. He glanced up from a disinterested study of a dish of congealing lasagna to discover that Carter was watching him.

She had not moved from her place in front of the window. Firmly ensconced, no doubt ordered by Janet to remain seated and receive her admirers like a queen at court. Jack smiled ruefully. Carter would be annoyed, even angered by the analogy. He gazed back at her and offered a small wave. Pretending to be busy, unable to go more than a second without keeping up the act. She smiled, recognizing the situation and letting him off the hook in the only way available.

Damn!

Jack dropped his eyes and strode rapidly around the perimeter of the crowd and out into the concealing shadow of the house.

We need�I need�

The thoughts would not form. Desire burned rock hard and coal black in the pit of his suddenly nauseous stomach. He swallowed hard tasting bile.

Nearly�

Jack slipped around the end of the house and crossed to the front porch. Finely honed senses alerted to prying eyes drew his attention across the street. The older woman who lived there peered through her blinds. He glared defiantly. She blinked and the shade fell into place, severing contact as effectively as any knife blade.

He cringed, feeling raw and open to the storm of emotions gathering and breaking at the foot of his mental walls.

I can�t listen�

He sprinted up the steps and through the door. The entryway was swathed in soothing, concealing shadow. Jack leaned heavily against the wall, striving for control. The insane urge to smash his fist through the wood and sheetrock formed with unimaginable swiftness. His fingers balled and clenched painfully. The sharp snap of sinew and stressed bone ricocheted in the small space.

Can�t look�

Carter�s eyes were soft and shining. The dam and the mirror, that contained and reflected all the emotions that had ever passed between them.

Jack moaned softly and stared up to the ceiling.

Can�t see�

Peals of laughter jarred him back to the present. Jack dropped his gaze to the clenched fist pounding a silent rhythm on his trembling thigh.

I can�t leave, but how can I stay?

He stepped down into the living room and donned a plastic smile. Major Gant was talking rapidly with a man Jack did not recognize. It was her laughter that had drawn him from maudlin repose. �Get enough to drink?� he asked in a tone of forced cheer.

Gant nodded vigorously. �Yes, Sir. I just have to�uh��

�Down the hall, first door on the right,� he supplied.

�Thanks!� She dashed from beneath her companion�s hand and disappeared into the appropriate room.

�Lieutenant Mathews.�

�Huh?� Jack turned and regarded the saluting form of the young man. �At ease Lieutenant, it�s a party for cryin� out loud.�

�Yes, Sir,� Mathews replied hesitantly.

�Enjoy yourself.� He eased away from the junior officer, repressing a frustrated oath. Reminders! Everywhere there were people and objects that spoke of duty and responsibility! Jack paused midway across the living room and pivoted, his eyes drawn inescapably to the French doors.

Above the din of the music and the crowd, Carter�s laughter drifted. Slicing easily through the chill air and between the cracks of the partially open doors. Light and airy, cheerful for the throng of well wishers. Jack angrily shook his head. Why should she be anything but happy, even proud? She was alive!

Overwhelmed and quietly desperate, Jack continued up the stairs and into the sanctuary of his relatively quiet bedroom. He shut the door and sank onto the bed. Forcing a trembling hand through his damp hair and across the knotted muscles of neck and shoulder. The outcome could have been so different. He hated the irresistible urges, which compelled further rumination on a subject that should be closed. But stepping back and letting go were never easy, and Hammond�s quiet assurances only added further complications.

How far is too far? Do I know where to draw the line? Never mind the arrogant assumption that she would even want to explore the possibility. The Zaytarc incident was three years in the past. The agreement to �keep it in the room� had taken on the consistency of Trinium without the useful properties the element provided. There was no gloss or shine, only a dull burnished wall that sucked all life and energy from their interactions if ever they dared to step �too close� to the smoldering embers. Jack fell back on the bed and closed his eyes, releasing a long, weary sigh. Every fire would eventually sputter and die without fuel, however. Nearly only counted when playing horseshoes or pitching hand grenades.

The sharp rap of knuckles on wood drew Jack from a fitful doze. He blinked and rubbed the grit from his eyes.

Sleep?

The resounding quiet was the first sensation to register. He sat up and climbed to his feet. Wincing slightly as he crossed to the door leading out onto the balcony adjoining the bedroom. The knock sounded for a second time, harder. �Just a second,� he grumbled irritably.

�Okay.�

Daniel? Crap�

Jack opened the door and allowed the cold air to flow over his drowsy body. Walking to the edge of the deck, he peered over the rail at the backyard. The tent below was an off white hump against a fresh dusting of snow. Dark and eerily still after the vibrancy of the previous hours.

I slept through Carter�s party?

A vague feeling of horror and embarrassment stretched a grimace across his dry lips. Playing host had never been a strong point but�

�Jack?�

Go away! He leaned on the railing and stared sightlessly at the back fence. The muted burble of a TV filtered up through the floor at his back. Broken by intermittent conversations he could not quite hear.

Daniel wasn�t the only one still lingering�

The bedroom door creaked. �Jack?�

Don�t you take a hint? He flinched at the dull ache blossoming across his suddenly tensed shoulders. I don�t want to talk.

�You okay?�

I swear to God if you ask me that again� Jack licked his lips and glanced towards the sky. �Tired,� he muttered reluctantly.

�I see.� Daniel crossed the bedroom and stepped onto the balcony. �Everyone wondered where you went.�

�I�m sure you handled it just fine, being the diplomat and all.�

�I didn�t know what to tell them honestly,� Daniel admitted sheepishly as he leaned his back against the railing.

Jack shrugged. The energy to care about impressions was beyond summoning. �Doesn�t matter. Who�s downstairs?� Deep Jaffa laughter rumbled through the floorboards. �Guess that answers that��

�General Hammond offered to take Teal�c home but he wanted to stay. Janet is hovering over Sam, you know how she can be.�

�Yeah I know,� Jack intoned softly. His eyes shifted, dropping to his clasped hands. �You taking lessons?�

�Huh?�

�In hovering,� he clarified.

Daniel rubbed a hand across his chin. �No�I was just wondering�� The hand dropped against the rail, thumping loudly in the abrupt absence of words. He studied the floor and the back of the house for a long moment before continuing. �Sam wanted to stay and talk to you, alone. Janet insisted that I check and make sure you were still here and able to keep an eye on her.�

Jack snorted, absently pondering a scar on the back of his right hand. �She�s not a china doll for God�s sakes.�

�No she�s a friend and Janet is worried that�s all.�

�Alone, huh?� The implication sank slowly into the pit of his chilled stomach. Jack fingered the jagged lines crisscrossing one knuckle. They spoke of character and experiences that could never be truly explained or understood by another human being.

Why does the examination of who and what we are frighten me more than a return to Ba�al�s house of horrors? Where is the logic in that?

�Yes, alone,� Daniel confirmed, shivering visibly as the cold penetrated his thin jacket.

�I�ll be down in a minute.�

�You�re sure?�

�I�m sure.�

Daniel nodded curtly and walked back into the house.

Someone switched off the TV and the live voices ascended in pitch, echoing up the stairwell and down the short hall. He caught snatches of the discussion. Teal�c�s rumbled farewell, Daniel�s final inquiry after Sam�s health and her murmured rejoinder. Janet�s admonishment not to overdue and the whispers that followed. Sam�s husky laugh spawned an involuntary shiver of anticipation. The front door clunked and an engine revved to life in the driveway. The faint screech of retreating tires marked the beginning of silence.

Jack remained on the balcony in spite of the chill creeping across his exposed flesh. Was this the start or the conclusion of something that had long screamed for resolution? The fiery press of emotions, which had characterized the last few days, left him drained. Simply existing and enduring the weight of Sam�s indecision was exhausting.

I need to hear your words. I need to know if what happened on that ship marked any kind of turning point. Should I speak or just listen? For God�s sake�

The stairs creaked.

Tell me I�m not a senile old fool�

Footsteps whispered down the carpeted hall and paused outside the bedroom door.

I can handle your walking away. It will hurt�worse than anything I�ve ever lived through�but I can handle it. The silence�the silence is more than I can stand�

The door swung inward and the tread of measured steps proceeded around the end of the bed and stopped in the doorway at his back.

His nostrils twitched. Inhaling the hint of soft musk drifting on the breeze. The remnants of Carter�s shampoo and hand lotion added an exotic undercurrent of vanilla and herbs. Jack�s back stiffened as the scents aroused the buds of physical desire without consent or control.

�Hey.�

�Carter,� he acknowledged roughly.

�I thought I was the one recovering.�

�Huh?�

�Daniel said you were sleeping��

�Yeah, tired.�

�Everything alright?�

�No.� But then you knew that or you wouldn�t be up here� The observation clogged the back of his throat and Jack coughed, struggling for air and clarity.

�Oh.�

The rustle of fabric indicated that she had folded her arms. He turned and copied the gesture, keeping his eyes carefully averted and holding his voice in tight control. �Daniel said you wanted to talk?�

�Yes��

She stayed in the doorway and Jack counted himself fortunate. The breeze lifted and spattered his shoulders with a spray of fat, wet snowflakes. �About what?�

�Us.�

It was a bold and decisive foray, more than Jack ever expected. The control of the conversation was rapidly slipping away and he reacted without thought. Grasping for solid ground even as his heart hammered and the blood roared cataracts in his ringing ears. �There�s an us?�

�Isn�t there?� she chided softly.

He shrugged. �You tell me.� The wood creaked as Sam pushed off the door jam. She stepped out onto the deck, pulling the door closed behind her. The heady aromas of perfume and lotion increased with proximity, tingling in Jack�s nostrils. His penis stirred and strained against his trousers, reacting independently of conscious thought and heightening anxiety. He ground his teeth, desperate to control the physical response. Grateful for the concealment of darkness and the fitful gusts of wind, which overrode the harsh rasp of his quickening breathes. Gooseflesh, that had nothing to do with the falling mercury, popped the length of his folded arms.

Sam took the last stride to the railing. Her shadowed face tilted down and she studied the rough decking for a moment. Jack pivoted, his restive gaze skimmed over the long lines of her body. The silhouette lacked detail and was barely visible in the burgeoning starlight. Emotion was alive in the set of her shoulders and the stance of her feet however. A quiet determination to reveal and confront long harbored secrets, no matter the cost.

�I had a lot of time to think on that ship,� she began softly. �It was like a living dream. The people in my life kept drifting in and out. Warning me and encouraging me, showing me the way to the answers.�

�Who?� Jack ventured carefully.

She looked up. Starlight sparkled the whites of her eyes and teased shafts of gold from errant strands of hair. �Teal�c, Daniel, Dad�You��

�Really?�

Sam chuckled softly. �Yes, really.�

�What did they have to say?� He wasn�t ready to hear the no doubt useless advice his phantom had imparted. Better to focus on the others, easier than hearing the truth.

�They?�

�Well you�I mean the people in your mind� you know what I mean!�

�Yes, I know what you mean,� she murmured, teeth flashing in a hesitant smile.

�So?� Jack prompted, unease educing a note of irritation.

�Daniel encouraged me not to give up and to take advantage of the opportunity to explore that area of space.�

�That sounds familiar��

�Where angels fear to tread?� Sam surmised. The tone of her voice grew light as she seemed to consider the description. �I guess he does have a habit of focusing on certain aspects of a situation and not seeing the threat.�

Jack nodded. Little had changed since Daniel Descended. In one respect it was annoying to have to watch the younger man�s back. Life as an Ascended being should have given him a higher degree of common sense. But in calmer moments, Jack found that he enjoyed the role of guardian, for purely selfish reasons. If Daniel were anything less than the enthusiastic, sometimes absent minded, explorer, it wouldn�t seem right. �Yathink?� he remarked when the silence had stretched from seconds to minutes.

�Too much.�

He grimaced. �Funny.�

Sam tilted her head and looked out towards the backyard. Curious, Jack followed her line of sight.

The rim of the moon was just visible between the trees that overhung the back fence. A pale icy sliver, it stood out in stark relief against the speckled ebony firmament. Outlining twigs and limbs and the last clinging crinkle of leaves.

�It�s beautiful.�

�Yes, it is,� Jack agreed quietly. His eyes slid away from the cresting moon to study her profile. Drawn to the soft halo formed by the rising light and the lift of her hair in the stiffening breeze. His hand twitched deep in the concealing fabric of his pocket. Yearning to reach out and stroke the silky strands. Jack swallowed hard. �What did Teal�c say?�

Sam nodded absently, apparently unperturbed by the return to topic. �He warned me not to be too accepting of my surroundings and to be cautious of the aliens motivations. Military stuff I guess. That side of my personality coming out in defense.�

�Probably.� He expected his appearance to lie along a similar vein, not daring to hope for something different and far more encouraging.

�Dad was different than either of them.� Sam continued in a softer tone. �He wanted to talk about me. He asked if I were happy?�

Are you? Jack bit back the query, choosing an alternative tact. �That�s odd.�

�I guess I hadn�t considered the question, or the ideas he tried to get across for a long time. At least not consciously.� She paused and stared at the moon. Chilly white light revealed the crinkles in her brow and the deep frown tugging at her lips. �I�ve got my work and SG-1 has been my family for all intents and purposes�but he wasn�t talking about that. He mentioned mom and how much he loved being with her. He�s never said those things to me before�� A harsh bark of laughter escaped as Sam shook her head. �I suppose he still hasn�t��

Jack struggled to respond. His words held captive by a sinking dread. The content of Sam�s visions ran the gamut from the practical to the introspective. Solitude on board the Prometheus had forced the very thing he most wanted, and feared. �Jacob wanted to know if you had found someone to love.� He said it with conviction and finality. The walls between them crumbled and then hardened. Forming new impenetrable layers between the words she would no doubt voice and the tender core of his fracturing heart.

�Yes.�

He nodded slightly. Showing acceptance even as the remainder of his weary soul shriveled into the darkness. �What did you tell him? What did you tell yourself, Sam?�

She gasped at the name, but did not withdraw from the question. �I couldn�t say anything because I didn�t have an answer.�

�Really?� Jack strove for calm and knew failure as words tumbled out into the frosty air. �I guess I shouldn�t be surprised. I believe the clich� is �no fool like an old fool�.� The declaration was laced in acid, and he was past caring. �Took nearly dying for you to figure this out?�

Nearly�

�Your life flashed before your eyes and you suddenly realized �hey, I�m missing something�?�

Sam flinched and looked at the decking.

Jack swore long and low, ripping his eyes from her bowed head and staring hard at the rising moon. It wasn�t right to vent frustration on her. After all there had been no promises, ever. The taste of betrayal was hot and bitter in his mouth however, making words of apology nearly impossible.

Nearly.

�That wasn�t fair ��

�No it wasn�t,� she spat icily.

�I��

Sam looked up, soft eyes grown cold. �What did you think? My brain spun the magic wheel and your picture just popped up out of nowhere?�

�No.� I hope not.

The tables switched in a heartbeat. Sam stepped forward forcing Jack against the rail with the force of her presence and the sting of clipped words. �Do you honestly think that little of me and yourself? After everything that�s happened in the last 3 years how could I not think of you and wonder whether things can and should be different. Whether I�m holding back because of my career or yours? If my job is who I am or if there is something more?� She shook her head and released a slightly hysterical giggle. �God you are an ass.�

The door slammed and the glass vibrated a threatening protest as she retreated into the bedroom. Jack swallowed hard, wincing at the thud of heavy footsteps down the stairs. After a moment the hum of the TV replaced the thickening silence. The volume was turned up louder than before, a blatant indication that he was being blocked out in every manner open to her.

A sudden gust of wind tossed fresh, heavy snowflakes across the floor of the deck. The physical cold and biting damp finally penetrated the burn of bitter regret, eliciting a spate of uncontrollable shivers. Jack smiled grimly and went into the house.

I could leave�

He pocketed his keys and began to search for his boots.

I could give her the chance to call a cab and go home, we don�t have to have this conversation now. She just got out of the Infirmary. Doc will have my ass if things get out of hand�

Jack stopped looking and cast a weary eye to the ceiling.

Yes I do, we do�

He wasn�t sure which was the more accurate description. Either would serve the purpose, though the latter was far less selfish. Muttering a venomous oath Jack walked out of the dark room and into the moonlit hall. Shadows were sharp and ebony black in contrast to the pale bluish light. He walked precisely down the center of the carpeted expanse. Following the glowing trail under a pall of intense desperation. To step into the darkness was to lose heart, and to fail.

The chatter of the TV increased as he stepped onto the landing and began to descend. Nonsensical commercials blathering on about stuffed toys and chocolate kisses grated across his shattered nerves. Jack bit his lip and savored the raw reality of bruised flesh. The scribbled platitudes of a hundred cards could never describe or justify the maelstrom of emotions caught in this one moment. He paused and listened hard for signs of life.

Metal clattered on the brickwork of the hearth. The fireplace screen grated harshly followed by the heavy chink of wood on wood. Sparks snapped and popped and a sudden roar indicated a change in the wind as flames were sucked upwards towards the yawn of the chimney.

Jack forced his body into motion. A wave of heat washed over his feet and up his legs as he descended into the living room. He reached the bottom of the stairs and turned. Careful to keep his eyes averted, unwilling, unable to confront the figure standing in front of the fireplace.

You have the right�

The words burned the tip of his thickened tongue.

But so do I�

He swallowed hard. �What did I say?�

Sam spun away from the mantle and crossed the room in two long strides. She snatched the remote from the coffee table and pointed, jabbing the buttons with white fingers. The TV issued a loud static snap and faded into silence. �What?� she demanded without turning around.

�On the ship,� Jack clarified as he stepped to the back of the couch. �What did I say to you?�

�Does it matter?�

�It did,� it does, �To you�� He clamped down hard on hope.

She grimaced and paced back to the fireplace. Flames licked over the maple and ash logs. Their flickering light bronzed her puffed cheeks, and painted her short blond hair with glistening streaks of gold and copper. Sam stared at the fire. The muscles of her throat and jaw rippled as she chewed and swallowed various replies.

The silence dragged from seconds to minutes and Jack fidgeted. Are you going to answer? What more can I say? He glanced at the phone resting on the endtable. Should I call a cab?

�I asked you�myself� if quitting the air force would make any difference, or was that just an excuse��

Jack folded his arms and focused on a spot just above her bowed head. �And,� he prodded hesitantly.

�You said that you would never ask me to give up my career.�

�I wouldn�t,� he confirmed. �Is it?�

Sam shrugged and prodded the brickwork with her toe. �I suppose some small part of me thinks so.�

Jack nodded, struggling to process the fact that she had even asked the question. He had assumed too much on the balcony. Reacted out of fear and regret. Now there was reality to confront in all its glory. He pushed on. Striving to release the dark burdens of fear and desire into the embrace of dawning revelation. �You knew what my answer would be if you ever tried to walk away.�

�Yes.�

�What else?�

Sam smiled thinly and looked up. Her moist, blue eyes flitted across the space between them and met his. Unwavering as she replied. �I told you that I would let you go right now if I knew. I assumed��

�Carter��

A sharp laugh shattered the air. �That�s just how you said it on the ship. Warm, chiding, reminding me where I was.�

Jack shivered at the high-pitched sound. �In your head,� he whispered sadly.

�Yes, except that you asked a question then� A question I�ve asked myself a thousand times since I woke up and saw you sitting there.�

A log slid sideways releasing a shower of snapping sparks into the silence. Jack dropped his eyes and walked around the back of the couch. What? What did I say to you? He sank onto the worn cushions and focused on the inky shadows undulating across the back of the flue. What did you say to yourself?

�You asked me if it would be that easy. As if I ever had you�as if there was ever��

�Would it?� The query slipped between clenched teeth. Want and need laid bare by two hasty words that flaunted the walls he struggled to bolster.

Sam�s reply was low and controlled. �No.�

Jack nodded stiffly and raised his eyes. She stood close to the screen, one hand idly stroking the nooks and crannies of the stone mantle. There was more, so much more. He tamped down flaring hope and strove for patience. �Then what?�

She turned and offered a watery smile. �You told me that you would always be there, no matter what.�

�And I will,� he reassured. �But?�

�It�s not all that I want��

What?

Jack swallowed the single word that was more plea than question, and fought to keep his expression neutral. Sam grasped the hem of her shirt and slowly twisted. The rise of fabric revealed a slice of creamy skin and the diamond sparkle of her belly button ring. His eyes were drawn by the inadvertent physical display, and he stared. Seeking solidity as her words slowly eroded the latticework of long held desire.

�I�ve played it safe for so long. That�s what my father was talking about. I�m living in a comfort zone, afraid to try. Assuming that everything and everyone will stay static while I make up my mind.�

The plaintive tone of her words tore through Jack�s confusion.

You�re right I have waited. So what�s wrong with that? Or are you trying to tell me to move on? Why? Because I should? Because you want, need, to?

�Carter, I��

Her voice deepened and lowered. Emphasizing each word as she slowly closed the gap between them. �It�s not fair for me to assume that I have you, that I have the option of letting go. But I did make that assumption and I couldn�t see you denying it. I could only see your loyalty, your friendship�� She stepped to the side and sat on the couch. Their knees touched spawning cold fire from heel to hairline. �I wanted to see your love, even if I don�t deserve it anymore. Assuming of course that I ever did.�

What?

His head was spinning. Doubt, uncertainty, a need for reassurance; this was not the confident woman who fought by his side. Healed his wounds with a touch, his heart with a look. Jack took a deep breath and shifted, pressing his leg tighter against Sam�s as he attempted to meet her restive gaze. �You did and you do. How could you ever doubt that?�

�But its wrong,� she whispered sharply. �Wrong to make you wait and wrong to live in a fantasy. To imagine what can�t be.�

�Depends on the dream,� he retorted calmly. �How do you��

The kiss stole words and breath in the span of a single heartbeat. Sam�s lips enveloped his in a moist embrace. Lifting, molding the flesh as she recklessly explored. Jack responded cautiously. Sliding his tongue across damp skin, encountering salt and the slight medicinal tang of lip balm. Something low and primal vibrated deep in Sam�s throat. Her lips parted with a breathy sigh. Jack explored the recesses of her mouth. The ridged roof and tender flesh of tongue and pallet tasted faintly of coffee and sweets. He thrust deep into the well beneath her tongue and licked languidly across her gums and the sharpened crowns of her teeth. Sam shifted and leaned harder, forcing his back against the arm of the couch. Her parries became urgent, tangling and thrusting against him. Assaulting the smooth skin of his gums with bruising intensity. Jack withdrew slightly, overwhelmed by the fervor and the faint voices of concern which refused to lie silently in the back of his mind.

Is this what you really want or is it nothing more than a reaction? A realization that the world is turning free and you�re still standing in the same spot? Did you really spin the wheel and just happen upon my picture?

He hated the doubts and loathed the urge that slowly drew his hands to her shoulders. �Sam, � dear God I don�t want to stop and yet, �Sam, please��

�No,� she growled into his mouth. Long fingers stroked the hair from Jack�s temples and raked the scalp beneath. She rose without breaking contact and leaned heavily on his chest. Jabbing the hollow of his cheeks in a frenzy of pointed strokes, even as her hands fell to his shoulders. Sharp nails kneaded the flesh as her mouth suddenly released his and trailed fire across his jaw line and down over his throat.

��stop��

The protest was little more than a sigh of regret. Lifting the damp hair off her forehead as she bit and licked her way to his earlobe. Jack flinched as Sam caught his skin in her teeth. She responded by suckling hard on the cool rounded flesh. Pained twinges turned to jolts of sensation that tingled every nerve. Jack shifted in an effort to relieve the throbbing ache of his restrained genitalia.

This is wrong�

He wanted to shout a warning, but it was too late to stop either of them from plunging over the edge. Headlong and heedless of the spikes that lay in wait when firm reality finally rushed up to meet them.

Sam nipped a second time before relinquishing the captured lobe. She sat back, eyes raking his flushed face with feral intensity. Her hands flew to the buttons on Jack�s shirt, tearing two of them free in her haste. He concentrated on those long fingers. The fire in her gaze had been frighteningly hot. A flaring screen meant to hide what they both knew so well. He could not look. It was easier to watch her dexterous hands do delicious things to his puckered skin. Teasing the hardened nipples, molding the softening flesh of his abdomen. Tracing a feathery trail across his ribs and down towards the waistband of his jeans.

The fabric between them dampened as her arousal increased. Jack closed his eyes for a long moment, seeking control. He wanted to strip the soft green sweater from her body and loosen the thin leather belt that held the silky, black slacks in place. The friction of her thighs and buttocks across his restrained cock was almost too painful to withstand.

Seemingly oblivious to his struggle Sam descended on his exposed chest. Her lips traveled over his ribs and encircled his nipple. Deep suckling produced twin shafts of ticklish pleasure and electrifying fire. He writhed beneath her touch. Cupping her firm, round backside. Kneading and grasping, reveling in the catch of her breath. The husky inhalations mirrored his own in a harsh ever-increasing rhythm as he snaked his fingers around to press the moist fabric at her crotch. Sam licked the circumference of the nipple and moved to nuzzle his chest hair. She butted and rubbed her way down to his navel. Nearly doubled in half as she tugged playfully at the waist of his jeans with her teeth.

Jack clenched the couch cushions with one hand while gently massaging her with the other. The clothing grew decidedly wet as she arched her back. They adjusted. He sliding down into a reclining position while she brought up a knee and planted it firmly in the widening hollow between cushion and couch back. Movement deprived him of contact and Jack reaffirmed his interest by addressing her belt with nimble fingers. Sam did the same and the buckles came free with echoing clinks.

They froze. Like two teenagers caught on a secondary road, they were stopped cold by the simple realities of bad positioning and burgeoning second thoughts.

Now is the moment. What I wanted to know and what I was most afraid to find out�

He felt small and selfish. Like a skinny quivering adolescent inhabiting the body of a grown fool. His pitted face flushed with the heat of almost and ghostly pale in the light of a lawman�s flashlight. Caught unawares by the edicts of reality. To go on was madness and utterly impossible. The tingle and pressure of blood engorged flesh receded and his penis sagged uselessly. A stuttering groan escaped Jack�s lips and he turned towards the back of the couch.

Is this what you imagined? A feeble old man who cannot get past his own insecurities long enough to make love to you? Is this your answer Sam?

�Don�t look away,� she murmured huskily. �Please don�t turn away from me.�

The plea brought the burn of unexpected tears. Jack closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Needing to force back the emotions before he could face certain defeat.

Is this the image that carried you home?

This is good-bye and not hello.

The inner voice rang with certainty. He shivered as she trailed a hand across his thigh and sat back on the edge of the couch. Jack sat up and swung his legs to the floor, careful not to touch her. Contact would shatter emerging resolve like so much glass. �You were right,� he managed hoarsely. �I�ll always be here for you, but,� he cleared his throat and looked towards the dying fire. �Just not tonight.�

�Why?�

Her hand settled on his shoulder and Jack quailed beneath the pressure. Why? How can you even ask? �You deserve so much more,� he murmured. Don�t you see that? If you can�t then I will have to show you. God help me.

�That�s what dad said,� Sam replied gently. Her grip tightened and she tugged, forcing him to turn. �What makes you think I�m not getting all I deserve right now? Right this minute.�

Because� �Is this what you wanted?� Jack jabbed a finger at the couch and then his own chest. �What just happened��

�Is real,� she shot back vehemently. �I imagined a kiss. I tried to fashion a fantasy out of curiosity, out of expectations. What just happened and what may happen in the next few minutes is not conjecture.� Sam sat forward and brushed a kiss across his stiff mouth. �I don�t want to wonder and I don�t want to play it safe.� She added as she pulled back.

�Sam, I can�t ask and I have no right to expect anything,� he protested feebly.

�Don�t you,� she demanded.

Jack stood and crossed to the fireplace. He removed the screen and stirred the charred wood and ashes. Embers rose and fluttered up the chimney. Pulled inexorably skyward by the draft of gusting wind. He added fresh logs as he considered how to respond.

I have been passive, patient, perhaps too much so. Does that earn me the right of expectation? The ability to choose, perhaps even the obligation to help decide where we will go and how we will get there. If in fact there is a we at all?

Something square and sharp jabbed him in the leg as Jack squatted down to readjust the screen. He put the poker on the hearth and straightened before fishing in his pocket. The warm plastic of the key chain touched his fingers. He gripped the rectangular object and pulled it free. Livening firelight picked up the rainbow specks and deepened the silver scroll to a flat gray. He studied the phrase and mulled the implications of the answer it offered. Keenly aware of Sam�s shifting feet and the heady expectant feel of the smoke tinged air.

�What is it?�

Jack looked up. Amber and crimson light bathed Sam�s face. Sparks lightened her irises to a shade of blue reserved for sunrise and radiated spokes of gold from her widening pupils. He held out the key chain. Undone by the naked soul shining out from those glistening windows.

Sam took the proffered object, unwittingly spinning it to the picture on the front. �The moon landing?�

�Turn it over,� he advised.

She complied and read the phrase aloud. �With Hope What Dreams May Come.� Sam�s lips pursed and parted. She stared at the key chain and then slowly closed her fingers, encasing it in a white knuckled embrace.

�The answer?�

�To your question.� Jack affirmed. He felt suddenly drained and only supreme force of will prevented a stumble as he made his way back to the couch and sagged onto the cushions.

Do you understand? Do I? Will you show me and do I really deserve to know?

�Is this really how you feel?�

Jack chuckled softly. A few simple words etched onto a ninety nine cent key chain could not be expected to suffice as an answer. Still it had been worth a try. At least she had not laughed outright. He glanced up, confronting Sam�s quizzical grimace. �In part I suppose.�

Sam shook her head and gestured with the closed fist. �Why would you keep hope alive?� The hand dropped heavily against her thigh, and the key ring rattled faintly. �Why when you couldn�t be sure?�

I�m an optimist?

The adjective was the furthest thing from personal description that Jack had ever entertained. He repressed a slightly hysterical laugh and shook his head, at a loss to explain.

Sam walked to the couch and sat down. Pulling her legs up, she cradled the key chain in one palm. Dark unreadable eyes roamed over Jack�s cheek. Urging an answer he could not provide. �What do you want?� she asked quietly.

Jack turned, his knee brushing against her feet as he forced himself to meet her eyes. The reply was gratifyingly simple. �I want you to be happy.�

�That�s it?�

He smiled at her evident confusion. �There needs to be more?�

�Yes!�

�Why?�

Sam rolled her eyes. �After all of this��

Jack shrugged. �I�m not that complex.�

She sobered and looked down at the key chain. �You said that too.�

�On the ship?�

�Yes.�

He sighed and dared to stroke her shin. �You know me better than you think.�

Sam caught his fingers. �I don�t think anyone really knows Jack O�Neill.�

No one really wants to, believe me�

Jack forced back the demons and leaned forward to meet her expectant lips. They kissed slowly this time. Bereft of the desperation that had characterized the preceding activities. Tongues tangled and parried in long languid strokes that wracked Jack�s weary frame from core to fingertips with pleasurable shivers. He caressed her cheek and cradled the back of her head, savoring the feel of the silky hair slipping beneath his calloused hand. Sam rose to a kneeling position. The kiss deepened as she gently urged him to lie back against the cushion. Jack complied without protest. Eager to show acceptance and affirm the simple claim that had caught her so off guard.

Be happy, Sam. Dear God let me make you happy�

His hands drifted down to encircle her hips. He stroked the taught roundness of her buttocks, enjoying the way she gasped softly into his mouth. Sam nibbled the edge of his lips and kissed a trail up over his cheeks and into his hairline. Jack nudged her slacks over the swell of her hips and rear and followed them as they slid down to pool in her knees.

Sam bent and lipped his scarred left eyebrow before kissing the trembling lid beneath. Jack nuzzled her neck and inhaled the sharp scent of damp acrylic and lingering perfume. His hands slid up and over her bare legs and paused briefly at the waistband of her panties before grasping the hem of her sweater. Sam sat up slightly and allowed him to pull the garment free.

She was wearing a black lace bra trimmed with a fringe of red lace beneath. �Racy, Carter,� he remarked huskily as he trailed a finger beneath the curve of her right breast.

�I have a my moments.� She swatted playfully at his errant fingers and sat back. �Your turn.�

�Oh?� Jack arched an eyebrow.

Sam smiled lecherously and shot forward. Capturing his ear in a tight lipped embrace as her hands invaded his half open shirt. He shivered as her touch turned feather light and ranged up and down his ribcage. She laughed beneath her breath and blew a gout of warm air into his ear. The hands traveled upwards and forced his shirt off his shoulders. Jack pulled an arm free and caught one hand. Pulling slightly, he brought the cool quivering fingers to his lips. She tugged but he would not relent. As her free hand worked its way down his back and into the loosened waistband of his jeans, Jack licked each captured tip. Engendering a shaky laugh when he sucked hard and long on the pinky.

Her free hand awkwardly kneaded the flesh of his buttock as she bent to nuzzle and nip the ball of his shoulder. Jack shifted position and released her fingers. One hand joined the other, settling at his waist and urging him to kneel on the couch.

Jack winced at the dull ache that suffused his knees.

�You okay?� Sam whispered into his chest.

�Don�t ask,� he mumbled. Just keep doing what you�re doing�oh God Carter, please don�t ask�

She took the advice. Gentle hands caressed the taught skin of his cheeks and the pulsing chords at the back of his thighs. Jack lifted and allowed her to slide his trousers free, revealing black boxers trimmed with a red stripe at the waist and legs.

He grimaced at the inadvertent color coordination and sat back. Kicking his pants free and allowing them to slide to the floor. Sam made to remove hers and he caught one hand as it slid down her leg. �Hold on.�

She watched from beneath dusky eyelashes as he nudged her back against the arm of the couch. He stroked the hard muscles of her thighs and calves and paused to knead the soles of her feet through the fabric of her slacks. She shivered and her foot jerked spasmodically. �Ticklish?� he teased as he slid one leg free.

�Yathink?�

�Only when I have to,� he retorted.

Sam�s stutter of laughter turned into a gasp as he leaned in and kissed a trail up her bare leg and across the quivering flesh of her thigh. He could smell her arousal and see the damp spreading splotch on her panties. Her hands raked across his bare back and down to his rear. She squeezed and then slid back up to nudge beneath the waistband of his boxers. He kissed and nuzzled along the inside of her leg. Inhaling the sharp scent, and getting his first taste as his tongue skimmed the silky edge of her underwear.

She writhed and released a guttural sigh as he butted playfully against the damp flesh. Cool hands stroked up his back and across his shoulders. Grasping and tangling the short silver hair plastered to his scalp. Jack grinned mischievously and left a moist trail of kisses as he withdrew. His tongue flicked the smooth skin of her inner thigh and up into the hollow of her knee. Sam released his head and raked her nails through the salt and pepper strands covering his chest. Her breathing quickened and caught as his hands came to rest on her waist. Slowly, carefully, almost reverently he eased the waistband of her panties over her hips. She arched upwards and they slipped free. Jack tossed the garment aside and raised his eyes to her face. Seeking what had not been said, praying for affirmation.

�It�s okay,� Sam murmured softly to the unspoken query. �I�m sure.�

Jack fell headlong into the earnest depths of her wide blue eyes. Doubts faded into the inky shadows, fears sought solace in the nooks untouched by the burnished light. He leaned in and gently kissed the parted lips.

Sam�s pale arms yoked his neck. She sat forward, deepening the kiss. Flesh met flesh and tingled with soothing heat. She probed his mouth and the edges of his lips with tender thrusts. Responding to his need without hesitation, reasserting her desire to find out what lay beyond the doorway of forced repression.

He urged her back down and she sank into the aged cushions. The positioning was awkward and for a brief, panicked moment Jack wondered whether delay would lead to failure. She adjusted silently to his needs. Shifting until they were both comfortable. Strong hands cradled his hips and forced the boxers down over thighs and knees. Jack arched and kicked them free. Her eyes burned with feral heat as he descended and thrust eagerly into her waiting depths.

Jack�s gaze did not waver from her face as their bodies moved in a languid rhythm. He studied the flickers of firelight hovering in her eyes. Watched the play of muzzy shadows in her hair and down into the hollow beneath her ear. Firelight blushed the creamy skin and cast one cheek in crimson tinted shadow. She smiled and tried to distract him by stroking cool fingers across his parted lips. He licked their tips and sucked in a steadying breath, stunned by the simple beauty of a woman always so near and yet so far.

Their pace increased and she became more active. Guiding his hips and arching her back to enhance sensation. He explored her body with tender care. Absorbing the subtle indications of a shudder, or fleeting caress, and responding with shifts of position.

Sam�s breathing quickened and her eyes closed, shuttered by quivering lids. Jack bent to taste the pale skin of her shoulder. His lips traveled to the hollow of her throat and up under her jaw. Murmurs of pleasure vibrated through the skin and he smiled softly before capturing her mouth. The urgency was building and the kiss was deep and hard. Bruising both of them and leaving little room for air. He gasped as her muscles clenched and sent a wave of sensation undulating along his captured length. Pulling back he caught the glimmer of a sly smile, and knew she had done it on purpose.

Two could most assuredly play!

Jack thrust hard and felt her wince. He froze, startled and fearful that his reaction had brought more pain than pleasure. Her hips bucked beneath him and she gripped hard. Tingles exploded across the tip of his penis and shot fire through his groin. He laughed deep in his throat and nuzzled her neck. Bending and tilting to taste the sweet puckered skin of her nipple.

Sam nipped his ear and bucked again. Dislodging his lips from her breast. He swallowed a piteous moan of protest and relented as she forced him back and up into a sitting position. Her legs came around to cup his rear and she rocked on his thighs. Kissing a trail across his collar bone and up to his left ear. Warm air bathed Jack�s neck followed by sudden pressure, and the sharp sting of her mouth sucking hard at the juncture of neck and shoulder.

He grimaced, mildly annoyed at the blossoming ache but unwilling to spoil by voicing protest.

If�

When�

�this happened again would be time enough for explaining preferences.

The rhythm increased again thrusting any and all thoughts of displeasure to the side. Jack cradled her head in his hands. He nibbled kisses across her jaw and met her parted lips. Their tongues tangled and parried caught in a fury as sensation rose to a fevered pitch.

He ached with the pressure of imminent release.

Not now�not yet�

She was close but he was closer.

Jack fought the urge with waning will, desperate to hold back.

Sam�

She pushed him back into the cushion and rose up. Drawing herself free of his shaft until only the tip remained firmly embedded within her liquid embrace. He trembled and grasped the aged fabric beneath them. Ripping and tearing holes in clothe and foam as he fought to hang on. She descended. The warm lips enfolded his throbbing cock, dimming the world to a single luminous spark ringed with amber fire. Jack gasped aloud unable to control the spasms that seemed to radiate from his very soul. Sam rose again and his hips thrust eagerly. Following her ascent, unwilling to relinquish the warmth. She came down abruptly, squeezing hard. It was too much.

Jack bucked once, twice, three times: his body rigid with orgasm. Sparks filled his vision as oxygen fled in ragged gasps. Of their own accord his hands drifted to her shoulders and pulled. Urging her to lie across his heaving chest. She sank down and he cradled her head. Running clumsy, numbed fingers through the damp blond hair. She smiled against his skin and nuzzled one nipple.

Gods I�m sorry�I wanted�I tried�

The words crowded into his arid mouth. Fighting for voice above the roar of his racing pulse.

Can you hear the heart of this old man, Sam? Pounding in your ear a tempo of inadequacy�

�I�m sorry,� he whispered raggedly.

�For what?� she murmured.

�I couldn�t�you didn�t��

Sam sat up and touched his slack lips with one finger. �Don�t be sorry.�

The chill of disappointment flared briefly into anger. Pity? Is she saying that to make me feel better? Jack swallowed hard and searched her face. There was warmth there. A measure of peace deepened the blue eyes to placid impenetrable wells. He sighed, �Still��

�No, don�t qualify it.� Sam shifted allowing him to pull his legs free.

Jack reached for his discarded pants and fished out the handkerchief stashed in the back pocket. They cleaned up, and he tossed the rag down the hallway towards the bathroom.

It was easier for Sam, at least he hoped so. She was young and vital, without a care for age and the burdens it placed on one�s body and mind. He envied the years she still had and suffered a pang of regret for the time they wasted.

The future had nearly slipped away. Lost in a mire of fear, buried beneath a sea of regulations that ultimately would mean nothing as life turned from midday to twilight.

Sam snuggled beneath his arm and curled her legs onto the couch. Jack tugged a fleece throw from the back and tossed it over both of them. The fire had waned while they made love. The living room was awash in long wavering shadows. The occasional spark would drive the darkness into the corners and then it would roll back. Like waves driven by the tide it would crash over the humps of furniture and froth up onto the bricks that lined the hearth. The coals formed a mass of smoking orange and crimson breakers, which parted the dusky shades in their headlong rush to the back of the firebox.

Jack studied the pattern of ash and glowing embers. Idly stroking Sam�s shoulder as errant thoughts flitted in and out of his weary mind.

�What are you thinking about?� she asked hesitantly.

He sensed her caution and squeezed her shoulder, offering reassurance. �The past and the future.�

�Where we were and where we are?� she surmised.

�Something like that.�

�It doesn�t matter you know.�

He grazed a kiss across her forehead. �What?�

�Whether I climaxed.�

Jack stiffened in spite of her words.

She shifted closer in response to the uncomfortable silence. �Don�t pull away.�

�How can it not matter?� he blurted nonplussed.

She giggled beneath her breath and kissed the cooling flesh of his exposed chest. �You�re serious?�

He removed his arm and pivoted to face her. �Sam�I get it okay. I�m not that dense. But not being able to please you �� Jack hated the anxiety, the twinge of sorrow that colored the words. With his back to the fire he could hide in shadow. It was better if she didn�t see the extent of his fear and rage at having outlived her in so many ways.

�Please me?� her tone was incredulous. �What just happened here was more than I ever expected or dared to hope for.� She stretched and kissed his jaw and the edge of his mouth. �I know you wouldn�t leave.�

His stomach twisted anxiously as confrontation and admittance loomed. Jack tilted and sought her lips. Prolonging the inevitable with a tender kiss before pulling back. �I couldn�t,� he breathed.

�Janet told me she tried to throw you out.�

�I refused.�

�Lucky she didn�t put you in a cell.�

He laughed softly and touched her face. Caressing the smooth skin for an endless moment. �I think she wanted to. She insisted I lay down�I�m afraid I nodded out for a little while��

�There wasn�t much point in staying awake,� Sam assured gently. �You needed your sleep��

�Because I�m old?� he asked only half in jest.

�Stop it!� She nudged his shoulder and followed the gesture with a nibble on his earlobe. �I heard about the planet search.�

�Waste of time,� he grumbled as he bent to lip the soft skin beneath her jaw.

�You had to do something.�

Jack sat up, instantly sober. �Sitting there was like before�too much so.�

�It wasn�t your fault then or now, and I wasn�t going to die��

�I know.�

Sam�s hand slid down his arm and cupped his clenched fist. �Do you really?�

�What?� Jack feigned ignorance and endured a jolt of frustration when she frowned. �It was� in a way��

�How? Because you weren�t flying the Prometheus?�

�I wasn�t there��

�You won�t always be.�

Jack swallowed hard, repressing a shiver. �Don�t remind me.�

Her fingers pried into his fist. She stroked and squeezed the scarred flesh, her eyes drifting from his face to the dying fire. �I can�t stop being who I am, not even for you.�

�Neither can I,� he admitted wearily.

�So where does that leave us?� she asked.

�Where do you want it to?�

�This isn�t about me��

Jack disengaged his hand and rose reluctantly. He walked to the fireplace and removed the screen. Busying himself with stirring the ashes and adding kindling as he sought an explanation.

From the minute she rolled through the door of elevator and into the bowels of the SGC the situation had been about Sam. Would she be okay? What effect had the Prometheus� time in the cloud had on her physically and psychologically. What memories would she retain, nightmares would she endure? Would she ever know how grateful the crew was for their salvation and how much they worried?

Flames licked the paper and bark, bursting into sudden orange life. Jack added some larger sticks.

Now that she knew, how did she really feel about his vigil? Did she resent the fact that he felt responsible for her injuries? That his protective nature would never allow him to feel anything but concern whenever she was completely out of reach?

Jack grabbed a chunk of maple and added it to the livening fire. He scanned the dwindling pile in the box and selected some Ash and Poplar. Wishing he had some hardwoods as he placed the logs on the fire and replaced the screen.

�It has to be about you,� he pointed out as he turned around.

Sam shook her head. �That�s not fair.�

�Isn�t it?� Jack crossed back to the couch and sat down. �Your father was right, at least that part of your mind was right. You have never known love. Never allowed it to be a part of your world. At least not that I know of.� He gestured towards the couch and smiled crookedly. �Do you know it now? Is this, am I, enough for you? Or are you just playing it safe?�

�Do you feel anything for me?�

�Sam��

�Do you,� she demanded levelly.

Jack struggled with the urge to hold back. To be responsible for her choice was the last thing he wanted. But the compulsion to admit was too strong and the word slipped free on leaden wings. �Yes.�

�Then I don�t care if you are the �safe bet�. What�s wrong with knowing where you stand and who is in your corner? Dammit we take risks every day. To know that you are there beside me, supporting me in presence if not in action�it�s worth more than anything��

�I can�t help who I am and what I feel, Sam. My career is coming to an end whether I agree or not. My knees and back are shot. I hurt in places I didn�t know I had. There will come a time in the not so distant future when Fraiser won�t sign me off for another mission. I�ll be stuck behind a desk. I�m not sure I can handle that.�

�Will you retire?�

Jack licked his lips and stared at the ceiling. Caught off guard by the blunt question and mildly surprised that he didn�t have a ready answer. �I don�t know. Either way I won�t be with you. I can�t watch your back forever��

�No you won�t be out there, but you�ll be here. Did you ever consider the fact that your presence in my life is what matters most? Not where but how.�

�I love you.� Jack didn�t know what prompted the words. Only that they insisted on appearing. He waited slightly breathless as the echo faded into the crackle and pop of the fire.

Sam ducked her head and smiled faintly, apparently as surprised as he was by the declaration.

�I have for a very long time,� he continued softly.

�I know.�

He cocked an eyebrow but did not comment on the admission. The why of her silence was obvious, if a bit painful to accept.

�I�ve never been able to say those words, at least not honestly,� Sam murmured distantly.

�And now?�

�Does it make me a bad person if I say that I�m not sure?�

�No,� he replied with forced calm. But it hurts�

�It�s not you. Nothing you�ve said or done here or ever. It�s me.�

Jack studied the crackling flames. It never occurred to him that this extraordinary woman could doubt herself. To know that she was fallible made her human, endearing, and perhaps attainable. He grimaced inwardly at the selfish nature of the thoughts.

�You understand that, don�t you?�

Do I? He closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch cushions. Are we really so different? Sure he had admitted just now how he felt. But were the words spoken purely out of honesty? Jack shook his head fractionally. No, there was desperation and need in there somewhere. The feeling that if he didn�t speak now peace, or something like it would be nigh unattainable later. It didn�t make the feelings portrayed less honest, only more complex. Extra wrinkles were not something either of them wanted or needed, but they were unavoidable it seemed.

�I think so,� he replied softly.

We made love. For some couple it was the first step in a relationship. Minutes, hours, spent panting and sweating in the back seat of a car, in an elevator, or a closet no bigger than his fireplace. A beginning that frequently signaled an end to something that should never see the light of day and would not survive the trial of years. For others it was the end. A final physical good-bye to a relationship that had ceased to have any meaning beyond the most basic human desires.

Where are we?

Jack slumped further into the cushions and watched Sam out of the corner of his eye. She bent towards the floor and then sat back, something small clutched tightly in her left fist. He grimaced. Feeling foolish and embarrassed when her fingers relaxed to reveal the key chain.

The fire crackled loudly, breaking the resounding silence in fits and starts. Outside the wind picked up and spattered the curtained French doors with snow and ice chips. Jack shivered unconsciously. Chilled by the draft that snuck beneath the floorboards, and the deeper cold of uncertainty bearing down upon them.

Sam adjusted her seat and leaned against his chest. Urging Jack�s arm up and over her shoulders. He sighed softly, enjoying the pressure of her head and the smell of vanilla drifting up from the mussed blond hair. �Maybe someday it won�t be so hard,� she breathed against his skin.

Jack rubbed her shoulder and held her close against his side.

We came so close to never seeing someday.

�Maybe,� he whispered tenderly. Her low chuckle surprised him and he pulled back, urging her to look up. �What?�

�Daniel told me about the cake.�

�The what?� Jack shook his head. Candor was not something that came easily and he felt a touch of annoyance that the conversation had concluded without warning.

Sam smiled hesitantly. Her eyes had turned a deep violet in the firelight. Soft and pleading for understanding and patience as she repeated, �The cake.�

�Oh that!� He grinned wryly, accepting the change. �He thought I forgot��

�You did!�

�Did not!�

�Did!� she reiterated, laughing outright.

�Okay, maybe I did.� Jack ducked his head and clambered to his feet. �It�s in the garage.�

�Good place for it.�

He waggled a finger. �I was planning on bringing it out after the meal, speaking of which I�m starved.�

Sam snorted. �Well if you hadn�t pulled a Rip Van Winkle you wouldn�t be.�

�Beauty sleep,� he retorted sarcastically.

�Did wonders for your ass,� she quipped as she tweaked one cheek.

�Hey!� Jack swung away and bent to plant a resounding kiss on her lips. �Maybe I should take naps more often.�

A devious glimmer brightened Sam�s eyes. �Maybe��

He slipped on his pants and walked through the kitchen and out into the garage. The cement was ice cold against his bare feet. Jack grimaced at the twin lances of pain that shot up his legs and across his aching knees. There was no question that winter weather lacked the appeal of bygone years.

Forcing the physical discomfort to the back of his mind, Jack retrieved the cake and reentered the house. �I thought it was supposed to be to warm for it to snow!� he griped as he slid the confection onto the table.

�It�s all relative I�m afraid.� Sam replied.

Jack mumbled an expletive and searched for a pair of saucers in the cupboard. He sliced two of the corners from the cake. Licking the excess icing from his fingers before grabbing the plates and returning to the living room.

Sam took her dessert with a curiousl smirk on her full lips. �The frosting is blue.�

�I know,� he replied around a sloppy mouthful.

�Why?�

Jack swallowed and licked his lips. �Your favorite color.�

�No its not,� she denied.

�No?�

�My favorite color is green.� Sam pointed at the discarded sweater still lying on the floor next to the couch. �Mark gave me that for Christmas this year. I love it.�

Jack dropped his fork and stared. �But you love blue jell-o and don�t tell me it�s for the artificial flavoring��

�Well I do and it�s not��

�Spill it, Carter.�

She dipped her index finger in the thick icing and put it in her mouth.

Jack felt a renewed stirring in his groin as she sucked on and then slowly withdrew the digit. Her eyes gleamed and the edges of her lips rose in a devilish grin at his discomfiture. The tip of her finger popped free and he swallowed hard. Barely suppressing a bone rattling shiver as she reached out and touched his parted lips.

Sam smiled, revealing a mouth tinged indigo by the dye. �Blue Jell-o always turns my teeth and tongue blue, apparently so does frosting. I know it makes you squirm��

�What?�

She laughed out loud and leaned in. Her tongue nudged and licked the edges of his lips, seeking admittance. Jack acquiesced, enjoying the oral caress and the distraction it offered.

�Carter?� he asked as she drew away.

�Hmm?�

�Did anyone ever tell you that you are an evil woman?�

She smirked. �No.�

�You are.� Jack removed the fork from his plate and sucked the crumbs and frosting from it before placing it on the mantle. �Deliciously, deviously, deceptively, evil.� Only the icing heavy top of the cake slice remained in the center of his plate. He picked it up and grinned impishly.

�Oh no!� Sam raised her hands and started to turn.

He was quicker. �Have some cake!�

*THE*END*